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Author has written 18 stories for Detective Conan/Case Closed.
Let Me Tell You A Story
It’s a beautiful tale, Gosho Aoyama. The anime itself started when I was born. The characters you created, sir, have touched me deeply.
But as I stand here, I might as well be face-to-face with me five years ago. I cried for so many hours for strangers who more often than not just used me.
I spent my emotion on a good story, sir. A good story that many other people loved. It’s still going, and I feel like maybe I want to see the end.
What will it cost, though?
The child that fell in love with your story was ‘weird’. She was lost, hoping for a way out. Her dad was suddenly taken, her mother emotionally gone from her. Friends? They existed a world away, where they didn’t know the weight of their words and actions. It was the only place she felt accepted.
But even there she wasn’t. Did you know, Gosho-san, that your story gave her some sort of credit online? Knowing the story, being able to write the characters, it gave her some sort of reason. People smiled because of that.
Deep down, though, she knew it wasn’t because of her. She was rejected on all sides and didn’t know who to trust anymore. She fought for recognition from everyone, but no one would give it.
Nothing was good enough. She wasn’t good enough. If only she could be someone else. Her story is meaningless to everyone else.
Thanks to you, she made it through. But what was the cost?
Knowing a world detached from the one she lived in only isolated her further. She wasted hours. Probably days’ worth, weeks’ worth, months’ worth. Maybe an entire years’ worth.
When I see her, my heart sinks. She tries to come back sometimes, when people reject me. She tries to come back with the tears, with the pages filled with self-loathing and depression.
She felt the emotions you wanted her to feel. Maybe more so than the average person.
But I don’t want to be her, anymore. The one with the over-exaggerated responses and the fake smiles and the nervous ticks and the anxiety around people. The one afraid to mess up because the people around her are precious and can be stolen away just like everyone before. I don’t want to have to hide behind a pretty story you made – where there are really bad guys and some heart-wrenching things but some little kid makes a way out and everything ends up okay eventually.
Life doesn’t progress that way for me. I don’t want to write your stories, anymore, Gosho-san.
I want to be able to create like a man by the name of John. I want to be able to feel things, but not be overtaken by those feelings. I want to be able to make you feel. I want to be able to aspire to great things through the empowerment of God. I want to be able to share these feelings and thoughts with the people around me and not be rejected because I’ve forgotten how to function in this world I live in.
So I think, for me, this is really the end. Because as beautiful as your story has been, I can’t bear to try to continue. I don’t want to slip back. I want to walk forward.
I have my own role to play, my own ‘character’ in this life. I’m just the back up support, the background person who means nothing to anyone – except a select few. But those select few need me today, and they need me tomorrow.
And really, for the first time, someone looked me in the eye and told me that. They need me. It wasn’t so I wouldn’t break up with them or stop being the person they dump their problems on. It was because they meant it.
For a long while I’ve noticed I’m not needed here. But I am needed elsewhere, and I believe it’s about time I take my place.
Thank you all for the years we had fun and enjoyed and made it through. Thank you, Gosho-san, for showing me a place and a people I desire to reach.
Why no more stories? My writing blog: Click here :)
Oops. So here's that audiobook thing that I totally erased off of here without thinking of the people that might be looking for it..
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