FunOne007
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Joined 05-30-09, id: 1952088, Profile Updated: 12-24-10
Author has written 1 story for Maximum Ride.

Hi,

Z here. Yeah, first initial only. Safe, yet B.A. IMHO.

A bit about myself... in case you were wondering:

I'm a girl. Last time I checked.

I'm 14. Soon(ish) to be 15.

Hobbies: Meh. Okay... uh well I'm a singer and a dancer. I dance if I have time and sing in the shower but... as in professional wise, nah. I also like to draw, paint, do artistic stuff, etc. Good news was that I didn't inherit my mom's artistic talent, otherwise I would be in a bit of a pickle in the art department. Oh, and I love to act, just not professionally or anything. I also love to write (hence why I even have an account on this website). But that's pretty self explanatory, I s'pose.

Personality: In case you haven't picked up on this by now, I am mucho de sarcastic. It's in my blood. I just am. I also tend to not be serious. Like when my friends are upset I always try to find a way to use humor to cheer them up (and usually succeed, thank you very much). But I can be serious when needed. I'm very imaginative and love to think up stories and scenarios in my head. And I hate quiting on things once I start them. So, there you go

Appearance: General?... Okay. Long brown hair, brown eyes, fair complexion. 5'7" (I think...).

Music taste: I love music so much. I'm a gi-normous music fan. My music taste is bouncing off everywhere at this point. I love everything from oldies, to indie, to hardcore rock to alternative. To jazz to musicals. To the Barney theme song to pop. But I especially love alternative and rock. I love listening to all sorts of music, so I'm open to all recommendations.

Books: I'm a big book fan too. A few favorites in no particular order: The Maximum Ride series, Vampire Academy (Recent obsession haha), The Hunger Games Trilogy, The Harry Potter series (of course), The Cirque Du Freak series, Percy Jackson series, The House of the Scorpion by Nancy Farmer, Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk, and soo much more.

Fun Facts!: I have a bajillion nicknames. At this point, I pretty much just assume that any nickname that starts with my initial is intended for me. I'm a big fan of '...'s if you didn't notice by now. I'm a coke-aholic. Not the drug-- no, no. The soda. Tis my love. Pepsi's good too, but I'm a bigger Coca-Cola fan. I'm a leftie. I'm bilingual. English as the primary language (no way, Sherlock!) and Arabic as my second. Fluent but not as fluent as English. Oh, and I take Spanish but I wouldn't exactly consider it another language I can really, really speak. My favorite color is red.

Voila.

Copy and Pastes:

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs cpoy and psate it in yuor pofrile.

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Post this on your profile if you hate racism

If you've ever done anything incredibly stupid for no apparent reason, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.

Copy this into your profile if, even though he's a drug addict crazy depressed emo guy, you idolize Fang!

If Faxness is one of your obsessions, post this in your profile.

If you would kill to have wings, post this in your profile.

Five fourths of people have trouble with fractions, if you're the part of the five fourths, say aye! or just copy into your profile, you chose.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this into your profile.

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile

If your friends are WEIRD (But not as weird as you) put this on your profile.

If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites, copy this in your profile.

If you or your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile

If you talk so fast no one can understand you unless they try really hard and even then it's a struggle, copy this into your profile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.

If you have a teacher who doesn't know what the heck there doing and you hate them because they annoy you paste this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a tree, copy this to your profile!

If someone gave you money for no apparent reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

If you absolutely KILLED yourself laughing when Gazzy said "'I vill now destroy de Snickurs bahrs!' then copy this to your profile!

If you have ever had the sudden desire to own Taser, copy and paste this into your profile!!

If you happen to still talk to your imaginary Friend and occasionally punch him/her because they are know it alls copy and paste this into your profile.

If your friend(s) think you’re crazy for reading a book about six flying kids (and their talking dog) and you don’t care copy and paste this is your pro.

92 percent of American teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch/American Eagle told them it was uncool to breathe. If you are one of the 8 percent who would stand there and laugh, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you still laugh rereading Maximum Ride, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you ever felt like just running somewhere, copy this into your profile.

If you ever felt like killing someone (or more than one person) because they wouldn't leave you alone when you told them not to distract you because you were busy copy this into your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you were insane, crazy, and/or random, before being crazy, insane, and/or random was cool, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you love Max Ride and cannot live without it, post this in your profile.

If you think the world is heading to a bad place, and are planning on doing something about it by making wonderful stories, copy and paste this onto your profile.

Copy this and paste it on your profile if you think sarcasm is a conditioned reflex.

If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile.

If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you can freak someone out just by glaring at them, copy and paste this on your profile.

If Faxness is one of your obsessions, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you wish you were Max Ride just so you could make out with Fang, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you used to be one of those girls who thought it was irrational to be in love with a fictional character, then read about Fang and changed your mind, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think Max and Fang should confess their love for each other, copy and paste this into your profile.

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys dont want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree.

I'm into THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual

I'm a VIRGIN, so I MUST be a prude

I'm BI, so I MUST think every girl I see is hot

I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly or crazy

I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth

I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive

I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash

I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control

I'm WICCAN, so I MUST be a devil-worshipping baby killer

I SUCK MY OWN BLOOD FROM WOUNDS, so I MUST have a vampire fetish

I'm a GOOD LIAR, so everything that comes out of my mouth MUST be a lie.

I'm a BLACK BELT, so I MUST always want to kick someone's butt

I'm a FEMALE BLACK BELT, so I MUST be a lesbian

I LIKE TO BE MYSELF, so I MUST be cocky and arrogant

I'm FRENCH, so I MUST be homosexual

I'm a BOHEMIAN, so I MUST be a lazy drug addict

I LOVE ANIMALS, so I MUST be a vegetarian

I'm a TREEHUGGER, so I MUST be a drug addicted hippie

I'm INTO JIMI HENDRIX, so I MUST be on drugs

I'm a MUSICIAN, so I MUST not be doing anything with my life

I have GOOD GRADES, so I MUST be a nerd or suck-up

I have GREEN SKIN, so I MUST be a wicked witch

I'm DIFFERENT, so I MUST just want attention

I'm an ACTOR/ACTRESS, so I MUST be mean

I'm THIN, so I MUST have an eating disorder

I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a stupid ditz

I HAVE A LOT OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be dating them all

I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS

I'm ASIAN, so I MUST love math

I'm AFRICAN AMERICAN, so I MUST be on welfare

I'm PUNK, so I MUST slit my wrists

I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob

I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist

I'm IRISH, so I MUST be an alcoholic

I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be an idiot with a jock boyfriend

I'm a JEW, so I MUST be greedy

I LOVE RENT, so I MUST be an emo lesbian with AIDS

I'm a CHRISTIAN, so I MUST hear crazy God voices in my head

I'm AMERICAN, so I MUST be an overweight pig with no boundaries

I'm a GIRL, so I MUST suck at all guy sports

I like CATS, so I MUST dance like a cat in my spare time

I SPEAK GERMAN, so I MUST be a psycho Nazi

I'm IN BAND, so I MUST be a geek

I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST be rebellious

I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser

I DON'T HAVE A RELIGION, so I MUST not have morals

I'm a DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible

I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay

I'm a DANCER, so I MUST be stupid and stuck up

I'm ALWAYS SMILING AND LAUGHING, so I MUST have a great life

I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS, so I MUST be looking for attention

I HANG OUT WITH GAYS, so I MUST be gay too

I COPIED AND PASTED THIS INTO MY PROFILE, so I MUST be a plagiarist

I like to READ, so I MUST be a nerd

I FROWN a lot, so I MUST have a bad life

I get BAD GRADES, so I MUST be a slacker who doesn't try

I'm a JEW, so I MUST hate all Germans

I like to listen to HANNAH MONTANA, so I MUST be childish and immature

I am POLITE to TEACHERS, so I MUST be a teacher's pet

I HATE HANNAH MONTANA, so I MUST have no inner child

I wear HOLLISTER and AEROPOSTALE, so I MUST be a stupid and rich preppy slut.

I don't LOVE Twilight, so I MUST not believe in true love.

Stop stereotypes! Copy this list into your profile and add any more that you can think of. BOLD ones are me.

At age 8, your dad buys you an ice cream. You thanked him by dripping
it all over his lap.

When you were 9 years old, he paid for piano lessons. You thanked him
by never even bothering to practice.

When you were 10 years old he drove you all day, from soccer to
football to one birthday party after another. You thanked him by jumping out
of the car and never looking back.

When you were 11 years old, he took you and your friends to
the movies. You thanked him by asking to sit in a different row.

When you were 12 years old, he warned you not to watch
certain TV shows. You thanked him by waiting until he left the house.

When you were 13, he suggested a haircut that was in fashion.
You thanked him by telling him he had no taste.

When you were 14, he paid for a month away at summer camp.
You thanked him by forgetting to write a single letter.

When you were 15, he came home from work, looking for a hug.
You thanked him by having your bedroom door locked.

When you were 16, he taught you how to drive his car. You
thanked him by taking it every chance you could.

When you were 17, he was expecting an important call. You thanked him
by being on the phone all night.

When you were 18, he cried at your high school graduation. You thanked
him by staying out partying until dawn.

When you were 19, he paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus
carried your bags. You thanked him by saying good-bye outside the dorm
so you wouldn't be embarrassed in front of your friends.

When you were 25, he helped to pay for your wedding, and he told you
how deeply he loved you. You thanked him by moving halfway across the
country.

When you were 50, he fell ill and needed you to take care of him . You
thanked him by reading about the burden parents become to their
children.

And then, one day, he quietly died. And everything you never did came
crashing down like thunder on YOUR HEART.
Never take your dad for granted, you have no idea what you are missing. Love him
and thank him while he's alive.
If you truly love your dad, post this to your profile.

This is so funny! Language though.

"I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no fucking way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating student as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that shit up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, oh shit, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you asshole."

Put Your iPod On Shuffle and Copy Down the Song. It's like for a movie version of your life.

WARNING: I have the oddest, most randomest songs on my iPod. Some I don't even know, some I don't like anymore, and some make me do a WTH face. So there you go. See at your own risk.

Opening credits: Red Light- The Strokes. (Sure.)

Waking up: I'm Not Over- Carolina Liar. (Eh.)

First day of school: Headlock- Imogen Heap. (?)

Falling in love: All Around Me- Flyleaf. (?!)

Fighting: Northern Downpour- Panic at the Disco. (None of these songs fit. This. Is. Obscene.)

Breaking up: Cocoon-Bjork. (*&^%$!!)

Driving: Cath...-Death Cab for Cutie. (Sigh..)

Flashback: Lollipop- Mika. (I give up on life..)

Mental Breakdown: When You Were Young-The Killers. (Oi ve)

Getting back together: Going On-Gnarls Barkley. (See above)

Wedding: Pressure Suit-Aqualung. (Eh...)

Birth of a child: Paparazzi-Lady Gaga. (Looks like my kid is going to be the next Suri.)

Final battle: Goin' Down-The Monkees. (Well, the title works. The song? Not so much.)

Death scene: How It Ends- DeVotchka. (PERFECT!!)

Funeral: Marriage to Millions-CIWWAF. (I don't even know this song... Wha ze qua?)

End credits: So Far Gone-Danger Radio. (See above. Man, if someone made this my life soundtrack, he/she would be instantly fired.)

Stupid things! In italics are the thing's I've done... this is sad. 79/100 things I have done. Is that sad? I think so.

1. Forgot to put the lid on the blender, turned it on, and had everything fly out
2. Gotten your head stuck between the stair rails
3. Broken a chair by leaning back in it
4. Had gum fall out of your mouth while you were talking
5. Choked on your own spit while you were talking

6. Had people tell you that you are blonde when you're not/or had had people tell you that your blonde highlights are going to your head
7. Been caught staring at your crush by your crush him/herself
8. Have looked for something for at least 10 min then realized it was in your hand
9. Tried to push open a door that said pull
10. Tried to pull open a door that said push
11. Have actually believed someone when they said that they knew how to make a love potion
12. Have hit yourself in the process of trying to hit something else
13. Have tripped and fallen UP the stairs
14. Have actually exploded marshmallows in the microwave
15. Have gotten gum stuck in your hair
16. Had gum fall out of your mouth while trying to blow a bubble
17. Have had the juice from a mini tomato squirt out and hit somebody else when you bit into it
18. Have had your drink come out your nose because you were laughing so hard

19. Have called one of your good friends by the wrong name
20. Have skinned your toe because you were playing soccer or kickball with flip flops on or you were barefoot
21. Have put a sticker on your forehead, forgot it was there, and went out in public with it on
22. Have fallen out of a moving vehicle.
23. Have run into a closed door
24. Have almost shot someone with a real gun while trying to shoot something else
25. Searched for your cell phone while you were talking on it
26. It has taken you longer than 5 min to get a joke
27. Have gotten your hair stuck in a blow dryer
28. Have gotten your hair stuck in a fan
29. Tripped on a crack in the sidewalk
30. Said o'clock after saying how many min after the hour, example: 5:30 o'clock, or 6:15 o'clock
31. After someone told you that there was gum on the ground, you stepped in it
32. Put on a white shirt even though you already knew it was raining outside
33. Have ever walked up to a stranger because you thought they were someone else
34. Ever been kicked out of a grocery store/off their property
35. Touched the stove, the curling iron, a hot pan, etc on purpose even though you knew it was hot
36. Picked out your change of clothes, took off the ones you had on and then accidentally put the old clothes back on
37. Wondered why something wasn't working then realized it wasn't plugged in
38. Put the cereal in the fridge, or put the milk in the cupboard
39. Walked into a pole
40. Wore two different earrings or shoes by accident
41. Put your shirt on backwards/inside-out without realizing it then left your house
42. Tried to take a picture of your/someone's eye with the flash on
43. Gotten a ring stuck on your finger because you put it on even though you knew it was too small
44. Walked out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to your shoe without realizing it
45. Went to go do something/go get something, then when you got there forgot what is was that you were going to do.
46. Picked up someone else's drink and drank out of it by accident when your drink was right next to it
47. Fallen out of your chair while trying to pick something up
48. Have poked yourself in the eye
49. Have gotten in the shower with your socks still on
50. Melted your hairbrush while blow drying your hair
51. Have done enough stupid things to make a test
52. Have accidentally stabbed yourself with a pencil
53. Have sung the wrong verse to a song without realizing it
54. Have given an odd answer to a question because you didn't hear the question in the first place and didn't feel like asking what it was.
55. Told someone you were the wrong age because you seriously forgot how old you were
56. Looked into an overhead light purposefully while it was on
57. Got up early and got ready for school/work/meeting, then realized that you didn't have school/work/meeting that day.
58. Have tripped on a cord after someone told you to watch out for it
60. Have ever laughed at a joke that no one else thought was funny or a movie
61. Done the Macarena to the electric slide or vice versa
62. Said funner, then had someone make fun of you for it
63. Have repeated yourself at least twice in the same sentence
64. Brought up an inside joke with the wrong person
65. Didn't do the backside of an assignment because you thought that there wasn't one because you had already looked and forgot that there was another side
66. Did more work than you had to on an assignment because you didn't read the directions
67. Corrected someone's grammar/pronunciation then figured out that you were the one that was wrong
68. Put something in a special place so that you would remember where it
was, then forgot where you put it
69. Put ice in your drink after the glass was full of liquid and had it splash out-
70. Told a lie then forgot what it was that you had said and got caught
71. When wearing goggles, you pulled them away from your face and let go so that they would come back and snap you in the face

72. Forgot to make sure that the lamp was off before you replaced the light bulb
73. Ran into a door jam
74. Told someone that you hardly ever do stupid things, then immediately did/said something stupid
75. Told someone to watch out for something, then you were the one that ran into it
76. Have purposely licked playground sand
77. Have purposely and repeatedly flicked yourself with a rubber band
78. Gotten so hyper that someone actually thought you were drunk when you weren't
79. Have been so hyper you actually scared people
80. Put duct tape on your body then pulled it off to see if it would pull your hairs out
81. Put duct tape on your hair/someone else's hair then pulled it off
82. Put a clothes pin/hair clip on your lip, figured out that it hurt, then did it again
83. Sat and wondered why men’s dress shirts have a loop on the back.
84. Made up a code name for someone so that you could talk about them to someone else and no one else would know who you were talking about
85. Have gotten a hairbrush stuck in your hair
86. Used the straw to blow the straw wrapper at someone

87. Shaved your tongue because you thought your taste buds looked weird
88. When at a restaurant/cafeteria, you used your spoon to fling stuff at people
89. Have flung forks at people in a restaurant/cafeteria
90. Sucked on a cup and got a hickey from it.
91. As you were writing, you moved your head back and forth with your pen/pencil
92. Have drawn finger puppets on your fingers then named them
93. Have wrapped someone in a roll of toilet paper
94. Have used somebody else's toothbrush without even realizing it wasn't yours
95. Started telling a story and forget what you were talking about or what happened in the story
96. When you saw a ‘beware of dog’ sign, you told the owners to beware of the dogs not realizing they owned the dogs
97. You have spelled your own name wrong before
98. When lying in bed you look for pictures in the texture of the ceiling.
99. Have used your calculator as a form of communication in class.

100. Have popped a balloon in your mouth.

List your twelve favorite Maximum Ride Characters in no particular order:

1. Max

2. Fang

3. Iggy

4. Gazzy

5. Nudge

6. Total

7. Angel

8. Dr. M

9. Ella

10. Ari

11. The guy in the second book who's obsessed with the Wolverine!!

12. The Nerdy Mac guy who lived in the subway tunnels dude!

1) Have you ever read a six/eleven fanfic before?

A: Max and Total... isn't that a bit too... oh, I don't know... cross-species?

2) Do you think four is hot? How hot?

A: Um. He's eight... I honestly can't answer this question without feeling like a cougar.

3) What would happen if twelve got eight pregnant?

A: Woahhhh if the Mac guy got Dr. M knocked up?? Insanium in the cranium!! It would be messed. Up.

4) Do you recall any fics about nine?

A: Yeah, especially in Eggy fanfics.

5) Would two and six make a good couple?

A: Awww. Fang and Total. See #1.

6) Five/Nine or five/ten?

A: Nudge/Ella or Nudge/Ari... hm. Neither?

7) What would happen if seven walked in on two and twelve making love?

A: If Angel walked in on Fang and the Mac dude... She'd probably be scarred for life and be sent to a insane asylum.. After recovery, she'd--wait, who am I kidding? There would be no recovery.

8) Make up a summary of a three/ten fanfic.

A: Iggy/Ari: 'In an intense battle, Iggy uses a bomb and accidentally kills Ari. The aftermath is one sticky situation. FAAAAAAXXXX!!... oh, yeah and eggy. OMG this is my first fanfic!! R&R PoR fAvOr!!' Cliche-ish enough for ya?

9) Is there any thing as one/eight fluff?

A: Max/Dr. M. Oh God. That's just... wrong on so many levels. Can we say, "Oedipus complex"?

10) Suggest a title for a seven/twelve hurt/comfort fic?

A: Angel/Mac Guy. "Control Freaks, Hurt and Helped".

11) What kind of plot would you use if you wanted four to de-flower one?

A: Gazzy/Max. Oh, geez. Um, Gazzy's hermones have finally kicked in to the MAX. Pun intended.

12) Does anyone on your friends list read three?

A: Iggy? Well, I'm not sure, but it is quite popular.

13) Does anyone on your friends list draw or write eleven?

A: The Wolverine guy? Don't think so...

14) Would anyone on your friends list write two/four/five?

A: Fang/Gazzy/Nudge? Methinks no.

15) What might ten scream at a great moment of passion?

A: Ari? Easy. "I HATE/LOVE MAX! AND I AM COMPLETELY UNKNOWING TO THE FACT THAT THAT IS INCEST!"

16) If you wrote a songfic about eight, what song would you use?

A: Dr. M? The vet song. It's a parody of the Jet song from West Side Story. It's real. Google it.

17) If you wrote a one/six/twelve fic, what would the warning be?

A: Max/Total/Mac Guy. "Warning: This can be potentially scarring. Parental guidance is advised. Side affects include: Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarehhea, and oh, yeah--death. Enter at your own risk."

18) What would be a good line for ten to use on two?

A: Ari to Fang: "Max loves me best!! She chose me before--" And then he would get a one, nice bird kid knuckle sandwich.

Got this in an Email. It's so freaking HILARIOUS, that I just had to put it on my profile. Here is:

This will definitely change your mood. Enjoy!!

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
_ _ _ _ _

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
_ _ _ _

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year- old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
_ _ _ _ _

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_ _ _ _ _

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNE Y: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different atto rney. Can I get a new attorney?
_ _ _ _ _

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_ _ _ _

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
_ _ _ _

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_ _ _ _ _

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_ _ _ _ _

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
_ _ _ _ _

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
_ _ _ _

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

If you like this or think this funny or whatever copy and paste this into your profile!

A NOTE: Not-so-new story! It's official now! Tis called, "Countdown to the Showdown". Oh, yeaaah.

Le summary: "Itex failed. Oh so desperately failed. After initiating the Bisect Plan, which was supposed to eliminate about half of the world's population, the virus used to kill the weaklings changed its nature and drastic results occurred. Months later, no adults are left to survive, because everyone approximately the age of 16 and older was killed by the mutated virus. Meanwhile, it seems Max has no more world left to save. Or is there? Nothing is ever as it seems..."

So there we go. This story will probably end up being the first of a trilogy. The others are already roughly outlined in my head, but I won't be focusing on them until the first is done, of course. Faxness, of course, but in realistic amounts. This is kinda like my quest for the holy grail--err realistic MR fanfiction. My goal is to make fit in seamlessly with the other books. Or, at least, I'll try. But you know how each trilogy in the series has a different name and over-all plotline? This is going to be another series within the series. Called, "THE SAVIORS". In all caps, yes, haha.

Profile=Done.

Hope to see in the near future,

Z

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The Ivory Tower by Liym Enello reviews
AU. Rukia has spent the last five years in the Seireitei Asylum, dreaming of escaping the bleached white walls. The only thing she needs is a plan. Can the new, crazy, orange-headed patient give her that plan? Or is he a psychopath just like her? Love in the asylum ensues. NEW CHAPTERS!
Bleach - Rated: M - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 24 - Words: 68,654 - Reviews: 376 - Favs: 235 - Follows: 179 - Updated: 3/9 - Published: 1/2/2012 - Ichigo K., Rukia K.
The Luxury and the Necessity by Devanrae reviews
Post-Games, life slowly returns to normal in District 12. Katniss, healing, finally begins to turn to Peeta for affection and accept his love. Post-MJ Canon. Alternate K&P POV. M for LEMONS! 2nd place best multi-chapter, 3rd place best in-progress, 2013 Everlark Smut Awards! Check out my interview with Jenie!: : / / sheafofarrows(dot)tumblr(dot)com/post/57891010312/ devanrae
Hunger Games - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 25 - Words: 162,745 - Reviews: 894 - Favs: 1,635 - Follows: 1,573 - Updated: 12/19/2013 - Published: 3/29/2012 - Katniss E., Peeta M. - Complete
Somewhere in the Dark by BarbaritaS reviews
Rukia is a successful psychiatrist, working in a prestige insane asylum for extreme cases. However, her last case is giving her much more worries than any other. IchiRuki, GrimmRuki
Bleach - Rated: M - English - Romance/Mystery - Chapters: 10 - Words: 75,775 - Reviews: 107 - Favs: 51 - Follows: 74 - Updated: 9/2/2012 - Published: 4/8/2012 - Rukia K., Ichigo K.
Secrets and Sacrifices by MillieKittan reviews
Max lives a secret double life, unbeknown to her long time friends at school. When Nick begins attending the same school as her, their lives begin to entwine closely...full summary inside. AU. No Wings. Fax fluff. Violence, language, maybe other Ms later.
Maximum Ride - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 72 - Words: 156,337 - Reviews: 590 - Favs: 326 - Follows: 289 - Updated: 8/26/2012 - Published: 8/14/2009 - Max, Fang - Complete
Strawberry Fix by Captain Hair reviews
AU- They were best friends, until he ran away after a tragic incident. 10 years on, his 'job' reunites them, unleashing a chain of events that could separate them permanently this time round. IchiRuki! COMPLETE with EPILOGUE!
Bleach - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Suspense - Chapters: 35 - Words: 183,840 - Reviews: 210 - Favs: 75 - Follows: 47 - Updated: 6/9/2012 - Published: 2/24/2012 - Ichigo K., Rukia K. - Complete
Odalisque by Tituba3 reviews
Rukia Kuchiki: smart, successful, & forever single. When her new job throws her into a whirlwind of mergers, jealous secretaries, treachery, and vile, yet incredibly sexy orange-haired coworkers, she is left wondering whether fate will let her out alive.
Bleach - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 47 - Words: 353,413 - Reviews: 2778 - Favs: 1,986 - Follows: 575 - Updated: 6/6/2012 - Published: 7/25/2008 - Ichigo K., Rukia K. - Complete
Lucky by armyofgnomes reviews
Hichigo sees her every day, but only Ichigo can touch her, and when she meets their eyes, she only sees the King. It may be fate, but Hichigo will do his best to change it and get her to notice him. 'Sweet' Hichiruki, slight Ichiruki.
Bleach - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 14 - Words: 26,341 - Reviews: 165 - Favs: 146 - Follows: 152 - Updated: 4/7/2012 - Published: 6/29/2008 - Rukia K., Dark Ichigo
Maximum Ride: ReGenesis by writeroses1029 reviews
Max is just your typical, sixteen year old but when she goes to a new school she feels as if she has met some of the students before. Max learns that only the end will give you the answer. R&R!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 48 - Words: 73,306 - Reviews: 653 - Favs: 149 - Follows: 88 - Updated: 9/9/2011 - Published: 4/26/2009 - Max - Complete
Maximum Ride: Taking Back the World by writeroses1029 reviews
Follow up story to Maximum Ride 5. Max learns what Mr. Chu wants with her. Relationships begin to grow more. What will Max have to do in order to take back the world?
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 43 - Words: 67,481 - Reviews: 183 - Favs: 79 - Follows: 34 - Updated: 9/9/2011 - Published: 3/21/2009 - Max, Fang - Complete
Maximum Ride: The Darker Truths of Evolution by writeroses1029 reviews
The flock learns their powers aren't fully developed. See what happens when two unexpected toddlers with wings and Brigid's attacking changes the course of their world. Neither future, past, or present will be left untouched. Sequel to TBTW and SU. R&R
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 19 - Words: 30,165 - Reviews: 185 - Favs: 48 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 9/9/2011 - Published: 5/25/2009 - Max, Fang - Complete
The Complicated Aftermath by Vamps-with-Wings reviews
Secrets are revealed. People begin deceiving. Entire beings are threatened. No matter what happens in life, the aftermath usually leads to something more complicated than the original encounters themselves. -Sequel to The Hostile Encounters.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 31 - Words: 79,309 - Reviews: 589 - Favs: 116 - Follows: 81 - Updated: 8/23/2011 - Published: 3/19/2011 - Max, Fang - Complete
Rainy Day Games with The Flock by Fangalicous08 reviews
What does the flock do when there's nothing TO do? Read this and find out. R&R Please.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 32 - Words: 65,242 - Reviews: 814 - Favs: 232 - Follows: 137 - Updated: 6/30/2011 - Published: 6/30/2009 - Complete
FAX by Jacob Black Ooft. . .Phitt reviews
Itex returns and want more experiments. Can they find a shortcut, like having the experiments have babies? And how will Fang and Max's relationship turn out. Set after TFW
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 17 - Words: 10,681 - Reviews: 101 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 24 - Updated: 12/3/2009 - Published: 3/10/2009
What is love? by FAXfan reviews
This is my first FanFic. Please review and tell me if I'm good. There is deffinatly FAX! Some Eggy. Sorry for mis-spelled words.Theres some comedy.They go to school and such. Theres some puberty in here. Thanks for all who read! Orangeduck23 is co-writer!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 35 - Words: 23,493 - Reviews: 333 - Favs: 91 - Follows: 77 - Updated: 8/27/2009 - Published: 12/16/2008 - Max, Fang - Complete
Falling by Little-Red-Spit-Fire reviews
Erasers are trying to terminate the flock, Ari continually tries to kidnap Max for himself. There's a new Experiment that could beat both her, and Fang. her name is 256. Fang tries to save Max from herself as she falls into despair. MAJOR FAXNESS
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 4 - Words: 9,029 - Reviews: 58 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 7/17/2009 - Published: 5/17/2007 - Max, Fang
Countdown to the Showdown reviews
-Itex failed. When initiating the Bisect Plan, the virus used accidentally wiped out everyone ages 16 and up. Meanwhile, it seems there's no more world left for Max to save. Or is there? Nothing is ever as it seems...- Fax, but realistically. Rated T
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 11 - Words: 30,041 - Reviews: 47 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 12/28/2010 - Published: 3/2/2010 - Max, Fang