sleepyjo
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Joined 05-31-09, id: 1953651, Profile Updated: 11-04-09
Author has written 2 stories for Twilight.

I notice there are two main kinds of Twilight fic writer. The coolster 24 year olds and the 30 something mothers of two with Twilight obsessions. I wish I was in the former group but I'm just another thirtysomething mother with an unhealthy fanfic habit, what can I say, sad but true. What else do you want to know?

I'm Irish. I'm accuracy obsessed but there was a typo in my story. For some reason I was scared to reread and proof properly, and figure out how to replace the doc, but I just did it. Yay me. So many mistakes I missed. External proofing is king.

I heart cupcakes and cupcake fanfic.

I heart story updates in my inbox. C'mon, little writers, write!

FLOTSAM AND JETSAM To anyone looking for Flotsam and Jetsam, I will be writing more! I just don't know when. I kind of lost my nerve. I think I might try and get most of it written first. But I don'tknow when that will be...

I blog. Can you tell?

I came to fanfic for the sex (driven by Stephenie M's closure fail) and I stayed for the sex. If you're new here, LolaShoes is who you're looking for. She could teach SM a thing or two.

Stories like Wide Awake and Poughkeepsie have been revelations to me. I'm currently crushing on Clipped Wings and Inked Armour.

Real person fic makes me uncomfortable and I don't read it. I may pretend not to have a 12 year old girl crush on Rob Pattinson, but at least I don't objectify him in stalkery fashion. For shame.

Edwards I'd like to see written:

Oldward: he's 65, worried about his impending retirement and Viagra, and he drives really slowly.

Oddward: slightly Aspy collector of antique dolls.

Cruftsward: breeds show poodles and embraces warmhearted campness. Will he and his top competitor Jasper overcome their mutual ambition, and find love? Title: Love Among the Poodles.

Dreadward: Newton Falkner plays musical genius Edward in mystic pagan Cornwall and the Brighton clubscene.

Inward: Introspective, shy and twitchy Edward played by River Phoenix.

There are some incredible stories in my favourites. Shouts to Daria's Heartbreak Remedy, Eun's Prey and of course Mrs The King and Hunter Hunting who need no pimping - I'm privileged to wield red pen on all or some of the above.

Alice and Edward having a fight

I'm pimping non-fanfic fic here, though this would make SUCH a great fanfic, Check out this little PDF, for barely nuthin, it's so worth the couple dollars and download: Alison Tyler's Banging Rebeccah - you know what names you want to put in, ladies! Content includes groupies, rock n' roll, spanking and guy on guy threesome action. If that calls to you, so worth the few dollars, really.

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Reel Life by SpecialK199 reviews
Used to feeling lonely in a crowded room, Edward Cullen is on another press junket for his latest film when a certain journalist breaks through the tedium. Half an hour later, she's gone - or so he thinks. Rated M for later chapters of the citrus variey
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 21 - Words: 121,874 - Reviews: 1874 - Favs: 2,567 - Follows: 956 - Updated: 8/29/2013 - Published: 5/22/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Aro's Heir by SubtlePen reviews
Edward, Bella and Alice are drawn into a no-win scenario in Volterra after Edward's attempted suicide-by-Volturi in the Palazzo dei Priori. Aro forces Edward to make a choice that may leave him unable to salvage any relationship with Bella. MATURE
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 23 - Words: 98,418 - Reviews: 1175 - Favs: 625 - Follows: 619 - Updated: 11/25/2012 - Published: 7/14/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
The Woods are Lovely, Dark, and Deep by bananapancakes7 reviews
Bella visits a quiet lodge in Forks and she meets the secretive, tormented Edward Masen. Just as their relationship transcends friendship, Edward's past comes back to haunt him in the most brutal way. B&E are human, but oh…there will be vampires. AU.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 38 - Words: 314,898 - Reviews: 5386 - Favs: 3,628 - Follows: 3,364 - Updated: 5/21/2012 - Published: 4/15/2009 - Bella, Edward
Late Night Encounters by kyla713 reviews
Lonely ER doc Edward Cullen goes online one night in curiosity, never expecting to find what was awaiting him. AH/possibly some OOC.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 26 - Words: 142,693 - Reviews: 9468 - Favs: 8,248 - Follows: 6,161 - Updated: 12/24/2011 - Published: 7/27/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Art After 5 by sleepyvalentina reviews
Bella Swan had life figured out until she met sixteen-year-old Edward Cullen. A few months and an intense emotional connection later, she finds herself on a journey toward self acceptance while questioning everything she'd previously accepted as true.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama - Chapters: 55 - Words: 130,382 - Reviews: 12076 - Favs: 5,015 - Follows: 3,083 - Updated: 11/5/2011 - Published: 4/29/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Work in Progress by araeo reviews
AU/AH: Bella, Edward and the usual suspects are adults living in Seattle. They hit it off after a klutzy accident and E awakens B's ovaries, who never hesitate to voice their pervy opinion in B's head. Rated M for language and lemons.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 43 - Words: 281,655 - Reviews: 6486 - Favs: 5,606 - Follows: 3,480 - Updated: 7/1/2011 - Published: 2/18/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Drink You Alive by Mrs.TheKing reviews
Edward a virgin for 100 years? Uh, Nope. Not really. Come twirl in and out of a completely canon Twilight Saga with Sasha. The woman Edward forgot to remember. Vamp Story!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Mystery - Chapters: 35 - Words: 61,160 - Reviews: 327 - Favs: 155 - Follows: 116 - Updated: 2/16/2011 - Published: 1/8/2009 - Edward - Complete
The Monster and I by beautifulyes reviews
A darker romance. Searching for balance and trust, Edward and Bella negotiate a tangled web of sex, blood, secrets, kink, and demons from the past. NOT CANON-STYLE VAMPIRES. Very, very AU. Much lemons, violence, and dark and dominant Edward.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Horror - Chapters: 16 - Words: 52,989 - Reviews: 1066 - Favs: 1,381 - Follows: 1,010 - Updated: 1/19/2011 - Published: 5/17/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
High Anxiety by EdwardsBloodType reviews
Cute, trendy Bella returns home to escape the heartache of her past. She immediately befriends neighbors Jasper and Edward, bonding with them in the treehouse out back. Bella and Edward discover they have more in common than they ever dreamed of. AH A/U
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 45 - Words: 538,967 - Reviews: 21115 - Favs: 11,572 - Follows: 7,318 - Updated: 1/18/2011 - Published: 7/16/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Bare by stella luna sky reviews
Winner of two Summer 2009 Indies. A beautifully plain girl writes the colors used to unravel a young prodigy of the brushstroke. What color are the eyes that see through the heart? Forest green and their rooted brown. AH/M. COMPLETE.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 28 - Words: 95,675 - Reviews: 5643 - Favs: 6,350 - Follows: 3,697 - Updated: 8/4/2010 - Published: 6/5/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Deluded by FantasyMother reviews
Edward lowered his eyes to his lap, uncomfortable with my question. He grabbed a grape off the table, popped it in his mouth and chewed. I saw him blush-I could almost hear his heartbeat. "Bella, I live in the woods because I'm a vampire." B/E,OOC,AU
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Mystery - Chapters: 24 - Words: 125,136 - Reviews: 1642 - Favs: 1,061 - Follows: 506 - Updated: 6/23/2010 - Published: 8/2/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Embers: Spicy Sides from Fire in the Vein by ElleCC reviews
Side notes and chapters to accompany “A Murmur of Fire in the Vein.” Backstories, alternate POVs, etc. Contains the Sept '09 Support Stacie Auction outtake "Jasper Seizes the Moment," and the March '10 EmRo FFFA.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 15,363 - Reviews: 290 - Favs: 158 - Follows: 183 - Updated: 3/13/2010 - Published: 6/18/2009
Son of a Preacher Man by LaViePastiche reviews
The wild son of a famous televangelist, Jasper likes to love ‘em and leave ‘em. Will he meet his match in Bella, who’s in love with his sister’s boyfriend Edward? And what happens when Edward finally notices her? AH, B/E
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 29 - Words: 189,838 - Reviews: 8127 - Favs: 4,516 - Follows: 2,935 - Updated: 3/8/2010 - Published: 5/12/2009 - Complete
THE MAN IN ME: Becoming Jacob by artbeatsandlife reviews
*Indefinite Hiatus* Jacob Black is a man of duality. He's next to become tribal chief but he's also a 20-something college grad up for a big-time job in Seattle. Can he come to terms with his tribe, pack, girlfriend & himself? Rated M for language & Lemo
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 38,330 - Reviews: 97 - Favs: 84 - Follows: 54 - Updated: 2/14/2010 - Published: 9/10/2009 - Jacob
Over The Top by starfish422 reviews
Slash: Edward is an unabashed pleasure-seeker, one of the club kings of the Seattle gay community. One night at his favorite club, he meets an enigmatic man who rocks the world he has created. Explicit sexuality/language/mature themes.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 34 - Words: 175,982 - Reviews: 6716 - Favs: 2,279 - Follows: 1,217 - Updated: 1/21/2010 - Published: 2/15/2009 - Edward, Jasper - Complete
Prey by summer35 reviews
TEMPORARILY UNAVAILABLE Bella miraculously survives a vampire attack as a child. She returns to Forks 9 yrs later and against her will, she is drawn to Edward, and into a dangerous world where strict rules governed the uneasy coexistence...
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,406 - Reviews: 1527 - Favs: 1,477 - Follows: 1,127 - Updated: 1/10/2010 - Published: 2/11/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
A Murmur of Fire in the Vein by ElleCC reviews
One stormy Seattle night, the last person Bella expects to see appears without warning at her door. How will history—hers and his—impact their unexpected and growing friendship? AH, Bella/Jasper. Winner 2010 Bellie Award for "Edward Who?" category.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 23 - Words: 104,482 - Reviews: 3445 - Favs: 2,767 - Follows: 904 - Updated: 10/31/2009 - Published: 5/25/2009 - Bella, Jasper - Complete
Acting Out by eroticfan reviews
AU-human: Edward, Bella and Jake are juniors in Forks. Very NC-17 with Edward and Jake both bi, but not PWP - there's plot, angst, humor and romance as these messed-up kids figure out their three-way relationship. You'll like Jake here - trust me!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 29 - Words: 129,996 - Reviews: 747 - Favs: 843 - Follows: 384 - Updated: 9/18/2009 - Published: 12/11/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Fate Worse Than Death by nosleep3 reviews
New Moon AU, E/B. After Edward leaves her, Bella's haze and her danger magnet lead her down a path of abandonment, insanity, and the very edge of death. How do the pieces of her life fit back together again? Full summary inside.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Tragedy/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 25 - Words: 116,935 - Reviews: 923 - Favs: 882 - Follows: 353 - Updated: 8/22/2009 - Published: 3/10/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Vanilla and Chrome by theladyingrey42 reviews
I stared at him, taking in the steel bar above his brow, the line of helix studs along the curl of one ear, the swirls of green and black ink around his neck dipping down below his shirt. And then I looked deeper." Tattward & Inkella. AU/AH BxE
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 8,180 - Reviews: 346 - Favs: 789 - Follows: 311 - Updated: 8/12/2009 - Published: 7/31/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Nymph and the Waterfall by Pastiche Pen reviews
Someone is spying on Bella at an "inconvenient" time. There's a gnome and a crap ex-best friend. All-human.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 32 - Words: 84,166 - Reviews: 3074 - Favs: 3,079 - Follows: 1,059 - Updated: 6/15/2009 - Published: 12/3/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Form 1040 by giselle-lx reviews
Because when you're immortal, the only certainty is taxes... While getting some mundane home office work done, Carlisle winds up having a tender moment with his young granddaughter. Set 7 months post BD. One-shot, canon, Carlisle POV.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,871 - Reviews: 180 - Favs: 442 - Follows: 47 - Published: 4/8/2009 - Carlisle, Renesmee C./Nessie - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Flotsam and Jetsam reviews
Bella finds a mysterious girl washed up on the beach. It seems she isn't quite human and she takes her to the Cullens. As they discover who she is, the stranger has the power to enhance and destroy the lives they have built. Fairly in canon, pre BD.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 4 - Words: 6,254 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 9/18/2009 - Published: 8/23/2009 - Bella, Edward
Wordless reviews
Edward no longer fights against giving in to his wife's needs, and finds a startling extension of his own feelings in Jake's silently expressed responses to Bella. MA for sexual content and vocabulary! SM's character's, my rudie finger puppets.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,720 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 8 - Published: 7/20/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete