Author has written 3 stories for Twilight.
Name: PRINCESS CORNILIA BANANA MALLET (If I wanted you to know my name I would have told you)
Profession:Psycho Killer BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Nationality:I Was Born In England But My Evil Parents Concocted An Evil Plan With The Flying Monkeys And Took Me To Australia.
Hobbies: Mostly Boring Stuff, But I Mostly I Complain About Mainstream Music (Miley Cyrus Is A Chipmunk And Her Dad Is A Walking Mullet. Same Applies To Taylor Swift), Wearing Hoodies And Converse, Even Though I Get Called Emo. Have You Ever Seen An Emo Eat Pineapple? No. That Is How You Know I Am Not Emo. I Was Even Given A Pineapple As A Birthday Gift C 8. I Listen To Way To Much Music, Play Drums, Play Netball And Laugh At Stupid People. Also I Like Coaxing Koalas Out Of Trees Using Coco Pops. I Watch Way To Much Vic And Bob (Or Reeves And Mortimer As They Were Originally Called,) And My Dream Job Is To Build Specially Ordered Nice Arches For Climbing Over Doves
Dream: To Become A Mushroom. Or A Vampire. Whatevers Easier And Allows Me To Park In Disabled Spots.
Location:Well Right Now I'm At The Computer Typing This. Duh. If I'm Not Here Then I'm In My Spaceship Playing Yahtzee.
Things I Like: Go Right To The Bottom Of This Long Profile. Yes I Do Mean RIGHT To The Bottom. Just Use The Mouse, Drag It To The Scroller Thingy And Pull The Bar At The Top To The Bottom. See That Wasn't So Hard Now Was It.
Things I Don't Like:Giant BreadBuns That Are Trying To Take Over The World. And People That Type With One Finger. And People Who Eat Ducks.
The Ducks Are My Friends, What's Your Excuse?
Writing Info:I Usually Only Write For English Assignments, But I Grow Too Attached And It Ends Up Being A Week Late And Way Longer Then The Assigned Length So I End Up Rushing At Midnight To Write A Brand New Story. Every Single Time. I Love It When People Put A Song With There Stories, It Helps To Understand What Mood The Writer Wants You To Be In. I Try As Hard As I Can To Put A Song With Every Chapter I Write And Ever Story I Publish. I Always Read Authors Notes And I Reply To Every Review.
My First Ever Hit On Fanfic Was From A Swedish Person. I Haven't Had Another Swedish Hit Since XD
Random Fact About Me:
I Prefer Family Guy To American Dad. But I Prefer South Park To Family Guy.
But At The End Of The Day Pikachu Could Woop All Of There Asses.
I usually only do one shots because otherwise I will lose interest. I am only actually putting stories up here so I can get opinions from people other then friends who automatically say , Oh its so great, You're such a great writer. RAWR THAT ANNOYS ME! Honest opinions are worth more then cake. XD
Things I Wish I Could Put In A Story But No Matter How Hard I Try I Can't:
Emmett playing that game Hungry Hippos
Story where Cullens are shape-shifters and Quilieuisdfjofidfdi's are Vampires (Yeah, I so can't spell there tribal name)
Edward is a pie maker and Bella is a clown. XD
Emmett bets with Jasper that he could make the new girl in town (Bella) fall in love with him first without Rose/Alice finding out. Edward gets annoyed. AH
Bella is a teenage delinquent and Edward is an older police officer
Renee is Esme's sister, so Edward and Bella cant get together because there related but still love each other. XD Turns out Bella is not Renee's child and is adopted! Oh, and Jasper is hiding the fact hes gay. Thats why he likes Alice, because they can shop together XD
Alice is poor and is using Jasper to get at his money. She. Needs. SHOES!
The Cullens are not vampires, but when the Twilight books come out they have to go into hiding. People keep mistaking them for the twilight actors and then the actor and the Cullens meet! (Just imagine Kellan Lutz hanging out with Emmett XD)
All These Artisits/Singers/Bands Are Must Haves To Have A Good Taste In Music
Stupid Last Words:
What does this button do?
It's probably just a rash.
Are you sure the power is off?
The odds of that happening have to be a million to one!
Which wire was I supposed to cut?
I wonder where the mother bear is.
I've seen this done on TV.
These are the good kind of mushrooms.
It's strong enough for both of us.
This doesn't taste right.
I can do that with my eyes closed.
I've done this before.
Well, we've made it this far.
I'll just put my head in it to make sure.
Don't be so superstitious.
Now watch this.
Look Ma! No Hands!
Don't worry, It's not contagious
Of course it's safe
It can't get any worse...
There's only one way to find out_
The Insanity Test ( I've crossed the ones that apply to me)
X You have screamed at an inanimate object for 'hurting you.'
X You have fallen asleep in class.
You use your fingers to do simple math.
X You have posted bulletins because you are scared that what they say will happen if you don't.
X You say "what" and "huh" a lot.
GRAND TOTAL: 31
Now divide it by thirty eight and times by 100
I'm eighty two percent crazy!
If you love someone put there name in a circle not a heart because hearts can be broken but circles go on forever
If I tell you I love you, you'll think I'm lying. But I'd rather tell you I love you and let you think I'm lying than say I don't love you and know for sure I'm lying.
If I could tear out my still beating heart and then say I love you that would prove that even with out a heart I will still love you
If you live to be a hundred I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
If you love me like you told me, please be careful with me heart. You can take it, just don't break it. Or my world will fall apart.
I wrote your name in the sand, but the waves washed it away.
I promise to remember Bella
Each time I carelessly fall down
And I promise to remember Edward
Whenever I'm out of town
I promise to obey traffic laws
For Charlies sake of course
And I promise to remember Jacob
When my heart fills with remorse
I promise to remember Carlisle
Whenever I am in the emergency room
And I promise to remember Emmett
Every time there's a huge boom
I promise to to remember Rose
Whenever I see something that holds pure beauty
And I promise to remember Alice
When I'm at a mall and a cute outfit spots me
I promise to remember Nessie
When I see that beautiful bronze hair
And I promise to remember Esme
When someone tells me they care
I promise to remember Jasper
Whenever my stomach isn't curled
And I promise to remember the Volturi
When someone speaks of dominating the world
Yes, I promise to love Twilight
Wherever I may go
So that all may see my obsession
Because I know what the Twilighters know
Don't Like My "Twilight" Obsession?
If you try to control your thoughts because Edward might hear them, copy and paste to your profile.
If you are a walking, talking Twilight series encyclopedia and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile.
If you have spent a whole day reading Twilight/New Moon/Eclipse, without any food, copy and paste this to your profile.
You know your addiction to Twilight is getting dangerous when you've added "Volturi" to your computer's dictionary. If you have done just that, copy this into your profile.
If you have so many dreams about Twilight that you have lost count, copy and paste this on your profile.
If you have ever burst out laughing about something in a book, and people look at you weird, copy and paste this on your profile.
If you have a tendency to talk/sing to yourself copy and paste this to your profile.
(The ones in bold apply to me. I don't remember dreams...)
If there's something weird
I ain't afraid of no ghosts
If you're seeing things
An invisible man
I ain't afraid of no ghosts
Who ya gonna call?
If ya all alone
I ain't afraid of no ghosts
Who ya gonna call?
If you've had a dose of a
Lemme tell ya something
I ain't afraid of no ghosts
Don't get caught alone no no
When it comes through your door
Stupid things to do in public (Some work best in a library)
1. Sit in your car and when a car passes by roll the window down and point at them with a hand puppet.
2. Using the same hand puppet start having loud arguments with it in the middle of a food court.
3. Go to a toy store and gather all of the soft Teddy's and make a den. When people stare yell loudly ' IM GOING TO SET THE BEARS ON YOU!' When they go away start singing a teddy bears picnic really loudly. Works best if your over the age of 12
4. Walk into an expensive store and proclaim you have new socks on really loudly at the cashier
5. When everything is quiet in a library walk up to an old man and stare at him for a short time and then say 'What are you doing here? I thought I got rid of you!' And leave the library.
6. Run up to all old women and yell ' GRAMSIES!!'. The woman could be middle aged XD
7. Tell a lame joke and if anybody laughs go 'Hahahahaha...NO!' And put your slowly nodding head into your hands
8. Go up to small children with balloons, steal the balloon and let it go in front of the child yelling' FLY MY PRECIOUS FLY!"' Then turn back around to the kid and say 'I'm ashamed of you'. Then walk away.
9. Go up to random people, put your arm around them and say how your Britney Spears and you've lost your knickers
10. Go up to random people and yell stupid nicknames or 'ENID!' and try to hi five them.If they look at you weirdly then run, if they hi five you back just go 'Excuse me, do I know you?'
11. Every often open up your hand-bag and yell 'ARE YOU ALRIGHT IN THERE?'.
12. Go to the Customer Service Desk and say you've lost your button. Say your name is Benjamin and you would like the store to be asked on the P.A to look for it. Laugh your butt off as the Server will say 'This is a person at the counter called Benjamin and they have lost there button. If anyone sees Benjamin's Button can you please return it to the Customer Service Desk. I repeat, Benjamin has lost his Button,'
Stupid things people say or ask:
1. When you just got smacked in the face by an object and people ask if you are OK. HELLO! I JUST GOT SMACKED IN THE FACE! OF COURSE IM NOT OK!
2. Can I ask you a question? What if I didn't want you to ask me a question? You've already crossed that line haven't you!
3. When people ask how much something is in a dollar/pound shop. Seriously. You want price tags or something?!
4. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.. I know where my watch is pal, where is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is? No!
5. People who are willing to get off their bottoms to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
6. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it" Too right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it? Eh?
7. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why would I keep looking after I've found it?
8. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". "No you stupid ignoramus, I paid 5 quid to come to the cinema and stare at the floor".
9. When something is "new and improved"! Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it. Make your mind up!!
10. When people say "life is short." What's that?? Life is the longest thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?
11. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" "Yeah, the bus came and y'know I just decided not to get on it and wait for the next one!"
12. Drive carefully! No. I'm going to drive with my eyes closed and use my toes to steer. Seriously! Somethings don't need to be said. Though I would hate to see your driving if you have to remind yourself to drive carefully.
13. People who say things like "my eyes aren't what they used to be." So what did they used to be? Ears ?!Wellington boots?!
14. When you're eating something and someone asks "Is that nice?" No, it's really revolting I always eat stuff I hate.
Im tempermental. Im 50 mental and 50 temper-I don’t have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free-Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?-Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy -Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there-How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand-A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.-If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.-Don’t point that beard at me, it might go off-Life is full of disappointments, and I’m full of life!-Eat right, exercise daily, live clean, die anyway-When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad- Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t-There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart-Half the people in this world are below average-If you're one in a million, there are six thousand people exactly like you-If you agreed with, smiled at or read all of these quotes then put them on your profile
If You Don't Like/Follow Chain mail Then Send This To 12 People Or You Will Die XD
Woah you must be desperate if you have read all of this. Either that or a cyber stalker
In case you haven't noticed, I'm Team Jasper.
Thank the Swedish for Furniture
Thank the Germans for BMW'S
Thank the Americans for Converse
Thank the Australians for BBQ's
Thank the English for Comedy
Thank the Canadians for Ice Hockey
Thank the Belgians for Chocolate
Thank the Swiss for Neutral Love
Thank the Italians for Pizza
Thank the French for Mime
Thank the Chinese for Fireworks
Thank the Antarctic for Penguins
Thank the New Zealanders for Sheep
Thank the Norwegians for Death Metal
Thank the Indians for Pretty Dancers
Thank the Russians/Siberians for Fluffy Hats
Thank the Brazilians for Great Football
Thank the Iraqis for Annoying Bush
Thank the Persians for Flying Carpets
Thank the Irish for Pots Of Gold At The End Of The Rainbow
Thank the Spanish for Dora the Explorer
Thank the South Africans for Biltong
Thank the Japanese for Everything Cute, Small And Electronic
Thank the Jamaicans for Bob Marley
Thank the Albanians for Dracula
Thank yourself if you are proud to be part of a nation that has accomplished something and are respectful of all races.
In the words of the mental (don't deny it) and deceased pop 'legend',
It doesn't matter if your black or white. (Though You Shouldn't listen to him because he hates never mentioned Asians...XD)
It doesn't matter if your skin is a different colour
It doesn't matter if your hair is the same as or different colour from all your friends.
It doesn't matter what your passport says.
It doesn't matter what language you speak
The does matter that you accept people for whatever they are.
If you proud to be part of a nation that has accomplished something, are respectful of all races mand welcome uniqueness then...
I Thank You.
You Are What Makes The World Great.
Copy and Paste This On Your Profile If You Believe In Equality
The things I can't live without (In no particular order, otherwise my friends would kill me for being below my tv XD):
My puppies, Albi and Chelsea
My Music Library/MP3 Phone.
My Family (sometimes... :)
My Music Channels
My Best Friends
My Enemies (If You Didn't Have Enemies To Channel Your Anger On Then You'd Turn On Your Friends)
My Trusty Invincible Phone (Survived Washing Machines And Flights Of Stairs)
My Obsession With Pineapples
And If You Have Read Or At least Skimmed Through My Profile Then I Need You, Because I Can't Be Crazy Without An Audience XD
So Your Moms Run Away With The Circus
Click on Blue under colours on the right side of the screen. Bella had to wear blue for Edward :D
And some 7 For Mankind white skinny jeans!