Lanza13
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Joined 06-01-09, id: 1954315, Profile Updated: 05-06-11

Hello!

My name is Caroline, and I have absolutely no idea why you are reading my profile... Förutom om du är min kusin ;)

In Honor of Stupid People

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed to stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

1. On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(Shoot, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

2. On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special)?

3. On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion).

4. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

5. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought??...)

6. On packaging for a Rowena iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time)?

7. On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

8. On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because??...)

9. On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what)?

10. On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious)

11. On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)

12. On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, ooh...fly Delta?)

13. On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

14. On a Korean kitchen knife-- "Warning: keep out of children."
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..)

15. On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my ..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity

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A Necessary Gift: A Harry Potter Story by cosette-aimee reviews
The war drags on after Voldemort's defeat and the Order of the Phoenix is fighting a losing battle. When Harry is hit by yet another killing curse, he wakes up years in the past and in an alternate reality. As an unknown child in a foreign world, Harry has a chance to change the outcome of the war - while dealing with new magical talents, pureblood politics and Black family drama.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Family/Adventure - Chapters: 26 - Words: 179,477 - Reviews: 3682 - Favs: 8,397 - Follows: 10,243 - Updated: 3/12 - Published: 1/20/2011 - Harry P., Sirius B.
Wand and Shield by Morta's Priest reviews
The world is breaking. War and technology push on the edge of the unbelievable as S.H.I.E.L.D. desperately tries to keep the peace. Soldier and scientist no longer hold the line alone, as an ancient fire burns alongside them. The last of all wizards.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Avengers - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Supernatural - Chapters: 33 - Words: 260,787 - Reviews: 6796 - Favs: 11,789 - Follows: 13,550 - Updated: 7/22/2015 - Published: 6/2/2012 - Harry P.
Harry Potter and the Aftermath by CJaMes12 reviews
Who can walk away from a title like 'The Master of Death?
Crossover - Harry Potter & Avengers - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Friendship - Chapters: 22 - Words: 92,726 - Reviews: 1272 - Favs: 4,760 - Follows: 5,544 - Updated: 10/29/2014 - Published: 7/3/2012 - Complete
The Sister She Always Wanted by desertrat68 reviews
When Elizabeth and the Gardiners visit Pemberley a year early, a bond of friendship and sisterly love forms between Elizabeth and Georgiana. The repercussions of this meeting change completely the way Elizabeth and Darcy interact once they finally meet.
Pride and Prejudice - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 39 - Words: 140,184 - Reviews: 959 - Favs: 1,270 - Follows: 867 - Updated: 8/19/2014 - Published: 5/29/2014 - Elizabeth, Mr. Darcy - Complete
The Gulf Between by MrsSwords reviews
An AU story set before the original feature film. It's August 1990, and Sam and Jack are both called up to serve in the Gulf War. When their paths cross, what lasting impact do they make on each other?
Stargate: SG-1 - Rated: T - English - Drama/Friendship - Chapters: 22 - Words: 61,441 - Reviews: 244 - Favs: 89 - Follows: 109 - Updated: 5/26/2014 - Published: 8/20/2013 - S. Carter, J. O'Neill - Complete
Light Up by Lois4Kent reviews
My Ship Day contribution. A/U. CHAPTER 7: Jack caught up to her stride, and nudged her gently with his shoulder. "Not bad with quarks, hey?" "Depends on whether you're talking about you or me." Sam smiled. "Okay, so I didn't know the answer… perse." Jack admitted. Sam chuckled. "Just don't tell Daniel." "I won't." Sam replied, once again brushing the back of her hand against his.
Stargate: SG-1 - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 8 - Words: 34,249 - Reviews: 172 - Favs: 71 - Follows: 113 - Updated: 8/7/2013 - Published: 7/3/2013 - S. Carter, J. O'Neill
A Time of Change by Wedjatqi reviews
Set post season 5 - Once Atlantis is back in Pegasus, Teyla's social life begins to change in ways she had never predicted. John/Teyla. M. Written for the Beya Secret Elf Christmas Challenge.
Stargate: Atlantis - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 11 - Words: 54,204 - Reviews: 134 - Favs: 37 - Follows: 36 - Updated: 2/19/2013 - Published: 12/30/2012 - John S., Teyla E.
Unequal Affections by OnlyaNovel reviews
Diverging from Jane Austen's classic novel at the first proposal in the Hunsford parsonage, Unequal Affections explores what might have happened if Elizabeth Bennet had reacted thoughtfully rather than emotionally to Mr. Darcy's proposal. First chapter and prologue.
Pride and Prejudice - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,887 - Reviews: 753 - Favs: 438 - Follows: 478 - Updated: 10/16/2012 - Published: 9/2/2012 - Elizabeth, Mr. Darcy
Unknown Relations: The Goblet of Fire by ksomm814 reviews
With the knowledge of the family secret, Orion Black is hoping for a peaceful 4th year with no more complications. Unfortunately, it wasn't meant to be. The Triwizard Tournament has been resurrected with an invisible force set on destroying everything.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 24 - Words: 122,806 - Reviews: 1219 - Favs: 1,224 - Follows: 1,022 - Updated: 7/7/2012 - Published: 10/1/2009 - Harry P., Sirius B. - Complete
Wanderer by cywsaphyre reviews
Life's a lot easier when no one knows you and your only worry is whether or not people in each world speak the same languages you do. Harry can attest to it; he's been jumping for years. He knows how to keep his head down and not get invested. On hindsight, with his track record, Harry supposed it was only a matter of time until he did exactly that.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Avengers - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Adventure - Chapters: 5 - Words: 25,666 - Reviews: 1752 - Favs: 6,469 - Follows: 8,093 - Updated: 6/16/2012 - Published: 6/11/2012 - Harry P.
For the love of a King by magan bagan reviews
Bella Swan was leading a pretty normal life. A couple months shy of her eighteenth birthday, she learns her parents made a deal with the king of England. Now she's forced to move there and to meet the prince, Edward Cullen. What's his secret? All human.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 29 - Words: 101,806 - Reviews: 3246 - Favs: 4,831 - Follows: 3,508 - Updated: 12/31/2011 - Published: 10/14/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Bright Like the Sun by dryler reviews
Edward/Bella - WIP, AU, AH, OOC. When Bella goes to live with her father in Forks, things go much better than she expected. At least until a slick parking lot, a careening van, a broken arm, and her weird lab partner from biology get in the way...
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 24 - Words: 113,874 - Reviews: 3646 - Favs: 4,469 - Follows: 4,538 - Updated: 12/10/2011 - Published: 1/23/2009 - Edward, Bella
toujours fidèle by S.N. Rainsworth reviews
Alex throws himself in the middle of a war he can't win, but it doesn't mean he won't go down without a fight. Slight AU.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Alex Rider - Rated: T - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,785 - Reviews: 53 - Favs: 62 - Follows: 92 - Updated: 10/19/2011 - Published: 9/10/2011 - Alex R./Cub
To Grow Up Classified by iamlordmoldyshorts reviews
Alex heads back to his old school to pick up his colleague's daughter. However, the repercussions from said excursion are a little higher than expected. What will happen when a teacher figures out Alex's current profession?
Alex Rider - Rated: K+ - English - Drama - Chapters: 13 - Words: 24,444 - Reviews: 158 - Favs: 245 - Follows: 222 - Updated: 8/22/2011 - Published: 2/11/2011 - Alex R./Cub - Complete
The Boy With Nothing to Lose by xwerewolfgirlx reviews
He had lost everyone who was important to him. Just as he thought life couldn't have gotten any worse, he gets told by his once enemy that he must go back to Brecon Beacons. As if suicidal missions aren't enough, he has to deal with the SAS in between.
Alex Rider - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 8 - Words: 22,704 - Reviews: 128 - Favs: 203 - Follows: 309 - Updated: 3/9/2011 - Published: 1/3/2011 - Alex R./Cub
Mayhem by PunkiePenguin reviews
Jack disappears to America with no explanation at all, Alex has a domestic accient and is forced to live with David McMillian, a member of K-Unit, and his family on the other side of London. Alex's struggles to get used to this new lifestyle.
Alex Rider - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 3 - Words: 11,408 - Reviews: 42 - Favs: 63 - Follows: 136 - Updated: 2/16/2011 - Published: 2/9/2011 - Alex R./Cub, Snake
Elemental by TallulahBelle reviews
AU/AH: When the Swans return to their birthplace, Bella learns she is no ordinary teenager, and Forks is no ordinary town. Can she fulfill her destiny with the powerful Edward Cullen, or will the dark forces that threaten their families destroy them all?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 30 - Words: 189,571 - Reviews: 9223 - Favs: 9,024 - Follows: 4,985 - Updated: 2/8/2011 - Published: 7/23/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Vacations' in the US by ARfan reviews
Alex spends his summer vacation not with his friends but with K-Unit to train with the US Navy Seals.But are the soldiers there happy to be with him? R&R
Alex Rider - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 4 - Words: 4,029 - Reviews: 73 - Favs: 80 - Follows: 164 - Updated: 1/8/2011 - Published: 12/24/2010 - Alex R./Cub
Child of Grace by AzarDarkstar reviews
DEAD STORY! AU. The Girl-Who-Lived discovers the wizarding world and unearths secrets that could change her life forever. Or end it. Fifth Year.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Mystery - Chapters: 54 - Words: 370,548 - Reviews: 1291 - Favs: 1,575 - Follows: 1,333 - Updated: 11/21/2010 - Published: 10/19/2004 - Harry P., Luna L., Blaise Z., Tom R. Jr.
No Shoes, No Shirt, No Service by TwiHard24 reviews
This is what I get for trying to be independent;a sore back, public restrooms,and an annoying ex-boyfriend who just can't seem to understand the concept of 'dumped.'What happens when Kendra meets a certain hansome stranger at a gas station? Funny!EmbryxOC
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 15 - Words: 44,351 - Reviews: 574 - Favs: 296 - Follows: 324 - Updated: 3/7/2010 - Published: 6/7/2009 - Embry
A Black Comedy by nonjon reviews
COMPLETE. Two years after defeating Voldemort, Harry falls into an alternate dimension with his godfather. Together, they embark on a new life filled with drunken debauchery, thievery, and generally antagonizing all their old family, friends, and enemies.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 31 - Words: 246,320 - Reviews: 5646 - Favs: 11,656 - Follows: 3,656 - Updated: 4/7/2008 - Published: 2/18/2007 - Complete
A Hare,y Little Problem by spunkymuzicnote reviews
ONESHOT Harry has an opportunity to view a Pensieve memory of his parents—When Lily overhears James commenting on Remus’s “furry little problem” the Marauders must do some fast talking to get themselves out of a sticky situation.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 13,557 - Reviews: 147 - Favs: 552 - Follows: 68 - Published: 6/9/2006 - Harry P., Remus L. - Complete