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Joined 06-01-09, id: 1955260, Profile Updated: 10-26-15
Author has written 3 stories for Maximum Ride, Morganville Vampires, Twilight, and House of Night.

I now have started writing three stories. They're called The Flock and the Cullens, Me and My Past Lives, and A Night School for an Avian Hybrid. Please read them!!!!

About Me

I have calmed down a considerable amount since I was younger. I like to read, write, draw, and hang with my friends and family. I like the supernatural. I just think it's so cool. I am a very secretive person. I don't really like socializing. That doesn't mean I'm anti-social though.

Name: Lauren.
Gender?: Female

Date of Birth?: November 21
Your sign?: Scorpio
Eye Color?: Clear blue, hazel, green, or blue green. They change.
Hair Color?: Dark brown.

What’s your hair style?: Goes to my mid-back, with long layers and bangs!
Height?: 5'2
Left or right Handed?: Both
Any tattoos or piercings?: Three percings in each ear.

Are your parents married?: Yes
Any siblings?: Yes
If yes how many?: 2
Do you consider your parents to be good parents?: Yes!!!

Do you Believe in GOD?: Yes
Do you drive?: I’m a license driver baby!
Do you sing?: All the time.
Have you ever been arrested?: No
Are you a good listener?: Even though I talk a lot, I do listen.
Have you been to another country?: Yes, Mexico, Belize, Honduras, and the Cayman Islands.

More About Me


Reading, Singing, Drawing, going on the computer, listening to music, writing, painting and hanging with my friends/family, ice skating, lazer tag, bowling, going to Disneyland.

Favorite Bands:

Paramore, Flyleaf, Arctic Monkeys.

Favorite TV Shows:

C.S.I: Los Vegas, The Strain, American Horror Story, iZombie, and Charmed.

Favorite Movies:

Alice in Wonderland, Sleeping Beauty, Jurassic World, and The Ring

Favorite Books:

Maximum Ride series, Vampire Academy series, The Morganville Vampires series, The Secret Circle series, Dark Powers Series, Gone series, and SOOOO much more.

Anime: Bleach, Black Butler, Hellsing OVA, Ghost Hunt, Inyuasha... (so much more)

Manga: Bleach, Kuroshitsuji, Vampire Knight, Ultra Maniac, Papillon, Bloody Kisses... (much more)

Everyone sees -- who I appear to be
But only a few know the real me
you only see what I choose to show
there's so much behind my smile
: you j.u.s.t don't know :


Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?
Why are the commercials for cable companies on cable but not on regular television? Don't they want the people without cable to buy the cable?
Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'?

(='.'=) This is a Bunny.

Stupid things I've done lol.

1. Had gum fall out of your mouth while you were talking
2. Choked on your own spit while you were talking.

3. Have looked for something for at least 10 min then realized it was in your hand
4. Tried to push open a door that said pull
5. Tried to pull open a door that said push

6. Have hit yourself in the process of trying to hit something else
7. Had gum fall out of your mouth while trying to blow a bubble

8. Have had the juice from a grape squirt out and hit somebody else when you bit into it
9. Have had your drink come out your nose because you were laughing so hard
10. Have called one of your good friends by the wrong name
11. Have run into a closed door
12. It has taken you longer than 5 min to get a joke
13. Have gotten your hair stuck in a blow dryer

14. Tripped on a crack in the sidewalk
15. Have ever walked up to a stranger because you thought they were someone else

16. Wondered why something wasn't working then realized it wasn't plugged in
17. Put the cereal in the fridge, or put the milk in the cupboard
18. Put your shirt on backwards/inside-out without realizing it then left your house

19. Went to go do something/go get something, then when you got there forgot what is was that you were going to do.
20. Fallen out of your chair while trying to pick something up

21. Have sung the wrong verse to a song without realizing it

22. Have given an odd answer to a question because you didn't hear the question in the first place and didn't feel like asking what it was.
23. Told someone you were the wrong age because you seriously forgot how old you were

24. Have tripped on a cord after someone told you to watch out for it
25. Have ever laughed at a joke or a movie that no one else thought was funny
26. Said funner, then had someone make fun of you for it
27. Have repeated yourself at least twice in the same sentence

28. Brought up an inside joke with the wrong person

29. Didn't do the backside of an assignment because you thought that there wasn't one because you had already looked and forgot that there was another side
30. Did more work than you had to on an assignment because you didn't read the directions

31. Corrected someone's grammar/pronunciation then figured out that you were the one that was wrong
32. Put something in a special place so that you would remember where it was, then forgot where you put it

33. Ran into a door jam
34. Told someone that you hardly ever do stupid things, then immediately did/said something stupid

35. Made up a code name for someone so that you could talk about them to someone else and no one else would know who you were talking about
36. Have gotten a hairbrush stuck in your hair
37. Used the straw to blow the straw wrapper at someone

38. Have drawn finger puppets on your fingers then named them
39. Have wrapped someone in a roll of toilet paper
40. Started telling a story and forget what you were talking about or what happened in the story

41. You have spelled your own name wrong before
42. When lying in bed you look for pictures in the texture of the ceiling.
43. Have used your calculator as a form of communication in class.


1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.

4. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

5. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

6. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

7. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

8. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!... Take me with you!!"

9. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

10. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"

Funny Phrases

Jeez, you look like you've fallen out of the ugly tree & hit every branch on the way down!

Oops, I didn't mean to hit you...but I'm glad I did

I lay awake at night & think to myself... your cute, hot, smart, fun, angelic, naughty & drop dead gorgeous... I've gotta take that mirror off my ceiling!!

Smoking can really kill a person ... You should try it someday!!

Ok, ok, ok, ok I understand... Wait, what?

It's called skill, get some

REMINDER: hating me won't make you pretty!

Cry me a river, build me a bridge, then do us all a favor & jump off of it!!

It's not "When Wild Animals Attack!" It's more like "When Stupid People Get Bit!"

When the officer says: "Gee son you're eyes look red - have you been drinking?" It's allowable for your own satisfaction to respond: "Gee officer your eyes look glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"

I'm not smiling at you! I'm trying not to laugh!

I didn't ask to be a princess, but hey if the crown fits!!

If it wasn't for physics and law enforcement i'd be unstoppable

Two things are infinite; the universe, and human stupidity... not so sure about the universe.

Yes, I hit like a girl. You could too if you hit a bit harder.

Remember: Some people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them

Famous Last Words

Poke it with a stick, see if it's dead.

What could possibly go wrong?

I've got a great idea!


Hey, that looks like fun!

I wonder what this does...

Oh, crap.

Guys, you gotta see this!

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends

Funny Phobias

Allodoxaphobia- Fear of opinions.

Agateophobia- Fear of insanity. (not us!)

Alliumphobia- Fear of garlic. (Vampires??)

Arachibutyrophobia- Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth.

Bibliophobia- Fear of books. (as if!)

Chaetophobia- Fear of hair. (poor people who have this!)

Chromophobia or Chromatophobia- Fear of colors. -(That would seriously suck.)

Dutchphobia- Fear of the Dutch. -Sorry Dutch people, but some people are afraid of you.

Ephebiphobia- Fear of teenagers. -What can I say?

Ergophobia- Fear of work. -Sounds like a good excuse to me. just tell your boss that. yeah i have ergophobia, boss.

Gerontophobia- Fear of old people. -I just I can understand this one, I mean an old lady with crutches... shivers

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words. (Now this name is just mean!)

Nomatophobia- Fear of names. (are they afraid of their own name?)

Panophobia or Pantophobia- Fear of everything.

If you want to see Maximum Ride(the movie) on the very first day it comes out... I'LL SEE YOU THERE!(oh...and copy this to your profile.)

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

If there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it copy this into your profile

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile

If you and your friend break out into song in a public area put this on your profile

If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you love reading, copy this into your profile.

If your friends are WEIRD (But not as weird as you) put this on your profile

Even when you can’t see him GOD is there! If you believe in GOD put this in your profile

If you hate those irritating mosquitos giving you mosquito bites, copy this in your profile.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist. If you are scared now more than ever of dentists by learning this fact, put this on your profile.

Random Stuff To Fill In The Space:

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might actually clean them?

When people say, "It's always in the last place you look." Say to them, "Well of course it is! Why the hell would I keep looking for it after I found it?!"

While waiting at a bus stop, if someone asks you, "Has the bus come yet?" reply, "If the bus had come, I wouldn't be standing here now would I?"

You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies.

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people.

Quotes consist of something sarcastic or smart ass. Like me.

Vampire Academy Quotes

"I crossed my arms over my chest. "Are you lost, little girl? The elementary school's over on west campus."
A pink flush spread over her cheeks. "Don't you ever touch me again. You screw with me, I'll screw you right back."
Oh man, what an opening that was." Rose and Mia-Vampire Academy

I was sure he was going bring up some zen life lesson, but instead, he kissed me. Rose-Vampire Academy

Charmed Quotes

Phoebe, I love you. I don't know what's going on but maybe I can help. Would you like me to kill someone for you? Cole - Charmed

I dreamt an animated musical last night. Is that normal? Piper - Charmed

Okay, where is this baby that everybody keeps talking about? Is it an invisible baby? Am I gonna step on it? Darryl - Charmed

Maximum Ride Quotes

Here's a freebie: Don't play poker with a kid who can read minds-Max Maximum Ride

Stop what? Breathing-Fang Maximum Ride

I love Nudge, Nudge is a great kid, but that motormouth of hers could have turned Mother Teresa into an ax murderer-Max Maximum Ride

ter Borcht: "You don't speak much, do you?"
Fang: ''..." Maximum Ride

I look like prep school Barbie.( (looks at Max)) Actually, you look like prep school Barbie. I'm just Barbie's friend."-Nudge Maximum Ride

Dr. Martinez: "I take it you don't want me to call your parent?"
Max: "Uh, no." Hello, lab? May I speak to the test tube please? Maximum Ride

"We were in a top-secret facility in the middle of Death Valley, officially called 'Freaking Nowhere' on any map, and yet he managed to produce marshmallows." -Max

"Why was the blind guy playing with matches, you ask? Because he's good at it." -Max

"Does anysing on you vork properly?" -ter Borcht "Well, I have a highly developed sense of irony." -Iggy "You are a liability to vor group. I assume you alvays hold onto someones shirt, yes? Following dem closely?" - ter Borcht "Only when I'm trying to steal their dessert." -Iggy "Write that down, he's a notorious dessert stealer." -Max

"Let's get out of here. A Ouija board just told me to save the world." -Max

“Boy, you just can’t kill people like you used to.” –Fang

“Now, Max, I think we both know your parents aren’t missionaries.” –FBI investigator
“No? Well, for God’s sake, don’t tell them. They’d be crushed. Thinking they’re doing the Lord’s work, and all.” –Max

“Can we see him?” –Iggy
“Ig, I hate to break this to you, but you’re blind.” –Max

"Hey whats taking you so long? What are you doing, shaving your mustache?" -Iggy
"I don't have a mustache you idiot, and neither do you. Maybe, in a few years, we can always hope" -Max

"It feels weird that no ones throwing a black hood over my head" -Max

"1) Sardonic laughter (always a good one)
2) Rolled eyes and snort of disbelief
3) Sarcastic "you've got to be kidding me" -Max

"Mad crazy, not mad angry, though a lot of them do seem to have anger management issues, especially around me" -Max

"Fair isn't fair, Dean. Like I'm supposed to help you because fair is fair? Try, 'I need you to help me so I wont rip out your spine and beat you with it.' I might respond to that, maybe." -Max

"Total, you're black" -Iggy
"I prefer Canine American" -Total

“Now, let’s say they come and get us.” –Max
“And, like, the halls are full of zebras.”-Iggy
“And suddenly tons of bubbles are everywhere.” -Gazzy
“And then everyone starts to eat beef jerky,” -Nudge
“Yeah. I’ll grab a zebra; Gaz, you fill all the bubbles with your trademark scent, so people are choking and gagging: and let’s throw beef jerky right into their eyes! Now, that’s a plan!” –Iggy

Fang: "Man, you weigh a freaking ton. What have you been eating, rocks?"
Max: "Why, is your head missing some?"

Fang: "Meaning what? We're going to pretend nothing's going on? That's stupid. The only way to deal with any of this is to get it out in the open."
Max: "Have you been watching Oprah again?"

1. YOUR GANGSTA NAME:(first 3 letters of real name plus izzle)


2. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (fav color and fav animal):

Black Cat

3. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, and current street name):

Nicole Tanglewood

4. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite drink):

White Arizona

5. YOUR ARAB NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your mom's maiden name, 3rd letter of you dad's middle name, 1st letter of a sibling's first name, last letter of your mom's middle name):

Aelogae (I can't say that!)

8. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother's middle name):


One bright day in the middle of the night,
Two dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back they faced each other,
Drew their swords and shot each other.
One was blind and the other couldn't see,
So they chose a dummy for the referee.
A blind man went to see fair play,
A dumb man went to shout "Hooray!"
A paralyzed donkey passing by,
Kicked the blind man in the eye.
Knocked him through a nine inch wall,
Into a dry ditch and drowned them all.
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
And ran to save the two dead boys.
And if you don't believe it's true,
Go ask the blind man, he saw it too.

-Education is important; school however, is another matter.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

Don't take life to seriously, no one gets out alive anyway

Never Go To A Doctor Whose Office Plants Have Died

Magic is the stuff Science hasn't made boring yet!

The greener grass on the other side is probably just artificial turf.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

These Broken Wings by SuperOreoMan reviews
Max & Iggy have been Marked, but they both have strange designs and Max's is already filled in. And when Dylan & newly-marked Max stumble upon Zoey banishing Kalona, he recognizes her. Max was made to save the world; is it from Kalona?
Crossover - Maximum Ride & House of Night - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 4 - Words: 13,713 - Reviews: 50 - Favs: 48 - Follows: 58 - Updated: 1/23/2012 - Published: 12/29/2009 - Max, Zoey R.
A Bird's Night Flight by VampireFairy13 reviews
Max gets marked a goes to the House of Night after the world has been saved from Itex but what other forces may be putting it at risk again? Along the way, Max learns a few things about herself and those she knows. After Untamed and Max. Fax later. Read!
Crossover - Maximum Ride & House of Night - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Friendship - Chapters: 11 - Words: 13,604 - Reviews: 76 - Favs: 40 - Follows: 47 - Updated: 12/20/2010 - Published: 12/16/2009 - Max, Nyx
Shadows by Mishcabe reviews
Strigoi have attack St. Vladimir's. Something is attacking humans and all evidence points to the House of Night. Both schools retreat to their Alpine Resorts. Little did they know, they were going to run into each other and a whole chain of events unfold
Crossover - House of Night & Vampire Academy - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Friendship - Chapters: 25 - Words: 28,605 - Reviews: 52 - Favs: 42 - Follows: 31 - Updated: 2/13/2010 - Published: 12/5/2009 - Complete
If I Was A Rich Girl by kawaiisenshi33 reviews
Ouran Host Club Crossover. Max is flying solo now and is forced to attend Ouran so she can save the world. She is thrust into a society where looks actually matter. Adventures and comedy are on the way. 2nd book spoilers. Max is 16. Better than it sounds!
Crossover - Maximum Ride & Ouran High School Host Club - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 11,056 - Reviews: 224 - Favs: 153 - Follows: 188 - Updated: 8/21/2009 - Published: 6/5/2008 - Max
Maximum Ride: A Whole New World by SplatteredEggs reviews
Max is alerted to the presence of vampyres in the world when the Tracker hunts her down at Dr. Martinez's house. And now she has to move into the House of Night, without the Flock - can she handle it? Don't need to have read HoN for this. R&R
Crossover - Maximum Ride & House of Night - Rated: T - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 5 - Words: 8,782 - Reviews: 92 - Favs: 56 - Follows: 57 - Updated: 7/23/2009 - Published: 4/22/2009 - Max, Zoey R.
Fang's Worst Fear by ditchedbyruby reviews
What happens when Edward Cullen discovers Fang's new fear? How mean will Max and Edward get? Had to repost because of confusion. Look at my profile for my OC's. This is VERY OOC. I don't own Maximum Ride or Twilight Rated T just in case
Crossover - Maximum Ride & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 11 - Words: 7,685 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 6 - Published: 2/9/2009 - Max, Edward - Complete
Just In Time by kawaiisenshi33 reviews
Max is 17, and in a lot more trouble. She somehow got sucked back into Fuedal Japan. Enter Inuyasha and crew! After bing found and held captive by an icy Demon Lord, What is a bird girl to do? Better than it sounds! I want Seven Review before I update!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,461 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 9 - Published: 11/7/2008 - Max
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

The Flock and the Cullens reviews
The Cullens and the Flock meet! What will happen? Will they kill each other or will they join forces? There IS Fax!
Crossover - Maximum Ride & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 28 - Words: 39,860 - Reviews: 157 - Favs: 106 - Follows: 106 - Updated: 10/26/2015 - Published: 6/4/2009 - [Max, Fang] Bella
A Night School for an Avian Hybrid reviews
Max is marked and now she has to go to the House of Night. Alone. When she's there she meets Zoey Redbird and her friends, the Voice tells her who it is and she has to save the world from Nefret. sorry. this summary sucks. FAX in later chapters.
Crossover - Maximum Ride & House of Night - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,961 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 5/6/2011 - Published: 5/4/2010 - Max, Zoey R.
Me and My Past Lives reviews
She never knew her father and her mother is dead. Now she figures out that she could be the destroyer or protector of the world. What will she choose? ClaireXShane MyrinXOC/Nicole MichealXEve
Morganville Vampires - Rated: T - English - Romance/Tragedy - Chapters: 4 - Words: 3,613 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 4/19/2010 - Published: 12/30/2009 - Claire D., Myrnin