Author has written 6 stories for Harry Potter, Twilight, and Vampire Diaries.
“I’m glad in God, far happier than you would ever guess—happy that you’re again showing such strong concern for me. Not that you ever quit praying and thinking about me. You just had no chance to show it. Actually, I don’t have a sense of needing anything personally. I’ve learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I’m just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I’ve found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am. I don’t mean that your help didn’t mean a lot to me—it did. It was a beautiful thing that you came alongside me in my troubles.” Philippians 4:10-14
Hello! Welcome to my prolife!
Just a few little things about me…
-I am a natural redhead.
My Favorite Ships
The Vampire Diaries:
The Hunger Games:
The Corpse Bride:
Ships I Absolutly Hate & Therefore Will Not Write About
The Vampire Diaries:
My Favorite Quotes:
“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.” -Marilyn Monroe
“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” -Marilyn Monroe
“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.” -Dr. Seuss
“I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living.” -Dr. Seuss
“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...” -Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You'll Go!
“To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.” -C.S. Lewis
“There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.” -C.S. Lewis
“Crying is all right in its own way while it lasts. But you have to stop sooner or later, and then you still have to decide what to do.” -C.S. Lewis
“You can make anything by writing.” -C.S. Lewis
“Eating and reading are two pleasures that combine admirably.” -C.S. Lewis
“The task of the modern educator is not to cut down jungles, but to irrigate deserts.” -C.S. Lewis
“That's the worst of girls," said Edmund to Peter and the Dwarf. "They never can carry a map in their heads."
"The Devil doesn't know who he's messing with." -Me
“If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.” -J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
A Very Potter Musical:
"I don't know, man. Cedric Diggory, he's pretty awesome. NOT! He sucks! I'm totally gonna win, it's in the bag!" -Harry Potter, AVPM
"What are you, nuts? Beautiful? More like supermegafoxyawesomehot! She's the hottest girl I've ever met. She's far more attractive, far more appealing, far more interesting than any girl. That I know. In my immediate group of friends." -Harry Potter, AVPM
"That's Lavender Brown! RACIST SISTER!" -Ron Weasley, AVPM
"OH MY GOD. Hermione, shut up." -Ron Weasley, AVPM
"It's just every time I look at her I get pains in my chest, and I just know it's her fault, that bitch...!" -Ron Weasley, AVPM
"That is a BOSS Zefron poster." -Ron Weasley, AVPM
"Konichiwa Cho Chang it is good to meet you I am Ginny Weasley"..."BITCH I AIN'T CHO CHANG!" Ginny Weasley, AVPM
"Did someone say 'Draco Malfoy?!'" -Draco Malfoy, AVPM
"Go Home Terrorist!" *To Quirrel* -Draco Malfoy, AVPM
"Dumbledore? Pfft! What an old coot! He's nothing like Rumbleroar. Rumbleroar is the Headmaster at Pigfarts. He's a lion. Who can talk." -Draco Malfoy, AVPM
"Hahaha, hahaha. Now you're just being cute. I can't GO to Pigfarts, Potter. It's ON MARS. You need a rocketship. Do you have a rocketship, Potter? I bet you do. You know, not all of us inherited enough money to buy out NASA when our parents died. Look at this! Look at this! It's Rocketship Potter! Starkid Potter! Moonshoes Potter! Traversing the galaxy for intergalactic travels to Pigfarts!" -Draco Malfoy, AVPM
"Do you know who I think is the ugliest girl in school? Hermione Granger. You know what I'd give her on a scale of one to ten, with one as the ugliest and ten as the prettiest? I'd give her an 8... 8.5... or a 9... but not... NOT over a 9.8. Because there is always room for improvement. Not everyone is perfect, like me. I'm holding out for a 10. Because I'm worth it." -Draco Malfoy, AVPM
"Andyouhavetobemyslaveforawholedaystartingnow" -Draco Malfoy, AVPM
"I WANT HERMIONE GRANGER! And a rocketship..." -Draco Malfoy, AVPM
"Come on, I'm tired. Can't we just be Death Eaters?" -Draco Malfoy, AVPM
"If this homemade Dark Mark won't convince you..." -Draco Malfoy, AVPM
"Pigfarts, Pigfarts, Here I come. Pigfarts, Pigfarts, Yum, Yum, Yum..." -Draco Malfoy, AVPM
"That sucked royal hippogriff. I can't believe we got beat by a girl who's a nerd." -Gregory Goyle, AVPM
"I can't believe I couldn't figure out the countercurse was just 'Unjellify.'" -Gregory Goyle, AVPM
"RUMBLEROAR!" -Gregory Goyle, AVPM
"Hufflepuffs are particularly good finders." -Cedric Diggory, AVPM
"I don't FIND this suprising at all." -Cedric Diggory, AVPM
"Hey, Harry! I think I FOUND something!" -Cedric Diggory, AVPM
"That's all right! I'm Cho Chang, y'all!" -Cho Chang, AVPM
"Oh my gawd, I won! Can you believe that yall!" -Cho Chang, AVPM
"So basically, I've being putting everyone who looks like a good guy into Gryffindor, a bad guy into Slytherin and the others can go wherever the hell they want." -Albus Dumbledore, AVPM
"What the hell is a Hufflepuff?" -Albus Dumbledore, AVPM
"Hermione Granger, shut your ungodly, lopsided mouth and quit interrupting. 20 more points. God... for the cleverest witch of your age you really can be a dumbass sometimes. Ten points to Dumbledore!" -Albus Dumbledore, AVPM
"Malfoy, YOU LITTLE SHIT!" -Albus Dumbledore, AVPM
"What the devil is going on heeere?" -Professor Snape, AVPM
"And remember, a portkey can be a seemingly harmless object, like... a football, or... a dolphin." -Professor Snape, AVPM
[in response to "Can a person be a portkey?"] "No, that's absurd. Because then if a person were to touch themselves... (stares at Ron) ...they would constantly be transported into different places." -Professor Snape, AVPM
"Sit down, you inarticulate bumble. It's Harry Potter." -Professor Snape, AVPM
"You gotta roll over, I can't sleep on my tummy." -Lord Voldemort, AVPM
"Well, I believe everything has its place. Muggles have their place. Mudbloods have their place. And so do your clothes. Namely, A DRESSER!" -Lord Voldemort, AVPM
"What do you want with a rocketship? What business do you have on Mars?" -Lord Voldemort, AVPM
"Now aren't we an odd couple?!?" -Professor Quirrell, AVPM
Dumbledore: "Did your turban just sneeze?" Quirrell: "What...no...that was simply a fart" *Voldemort sneezes again* "I simply farted once more." -Professor Quirrell, AVPM
A Very Potter Sequel:
"Sir, you gotta help me. I just ran away from home from my mean aunt and uncle. They keep me under some stairs. Listen, you've gotta believe me. I got this letter from Hogwarts: School Of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Sir, listen, please! A bird gave it to me!" -Harry Potter, AVPS
Ron: "Where have you been all my life!?" Harry: "Oh, in a cupboard under some stairs." -Harry Potter, AVPS
"I was in the car with my parents when we crashed...into a crocodile. My parents got eaten but then the crocodile took out a knife and gave me this scar. At least, that's what my liar aunt and uncle told me, so." -Harry Potter, AVPS
"In the Muggle world, I'm just a...I'm something called a douchebag. I play guitar when everybody just wants to hang out, and I make weird covers of Disney songs...who does that? See, Muggles hate that shit. To them I'm just a douchebag. I'm like Jesse McCartney. I'm Jesse McCartney's douche." -Harry Potter, AVPS
Ron: "Favorite Aimee Mann song on three. One, two, three...
Ron: "Hey, what flavor did you get?"
"Red Vines - what the hell can't they do?" -Ron Weasley, AVPS
"Did you know over 600 house elves die in toilet related incidents every year?" -Hermione Granger, AVPS
"Well you must be Harry Potter, the famous bastard." -Draco Malfoy, AVPS
"My name is Draco Malfoy. I am a racist, I despise gingers and mudbloods, I hate Gryffindor house, and my parents work for the man who killed your parents. Do you want to be my friend?" -Draco Malfoy, AVPS
"Hey Potter. Hey, Potter. Potter. Potter. I drew a picture of you." -Draco Malfoy, AVPS
"Pay special attention to the shading on your sweater; it's rather good. It's actually quite good. It's probably the best I've ever done. Actually... can I have that back? Wait, no... I'm taking it! What do you think of that, Potter? I've stolen your favorite drawing!" -Draco Malfoy, AVPS
"You wait till my father hears about this. He'll say, 'Draco, you goddamn little poofer! Why don't you stop your whining and learn to use the potty like a normal human!' And then he will pull down my diaper, and scold me for the mess I've left in it, and spank my cheeks as red as cherries." -Draco Malfoy, AVPS
"You know, Goyle, using the potty is not so bad. I don't know why I was afraid of it all those years. I think I was concerned about falling in, but I have found that if I climb on top of the potty and I put one foot on either side of the potty hole rim, and get a firm footing, I'm actually quite safe. And you know, using the potty is a great time to socialize! You simply look over to the stall next to you, and you say, have a right chat with your neighbor. 'Oh, hello there, good sir. First time using the potty, too, eh? Good luck, my man.' Then you simply squat, like so, and I do my business... in my diaper as usual... and then I undo the side latches, and let the diaper simply fall into the potty. Yes, father will hear of this." -Draco Malfoy, AVPS
"It's my daddy! Daddy! Daddy! You came to love me!" -Draco Malfoy, AVPS
"Daddy! Look! I drew you a picture! It's me on the potty! And, look, that's you in the background and you're saying, 'That's my son!' And then the potty's saying, 'Thank you, Draco! Even potties need to eat!' And there's shading on your hair." -Draco Malfoy, AVPS
"In case you were wondering (rolls out from behind pillar and stands up) The 'D' stands for my wiener." -Draco Malfoy, AVPS
"Oh, Dobby. Now I lament all those times I beat him senseless within an inch of his life and oh, right, yeah, that one time I drowned a litter of his young...my...brothers?" -Draco Malfoy, AVPS
"I would like to take this opportunity to announce the Hogwarts Astronomy Club. This year we will be paying particularly close attention to the cycles of the moon... and their effects on a certain professor." -Professor Snape, AVPS
"What the devil? It's a BBM from Umbridge! 'Are you with Dumbledore, did he get my text?' Now you drag ME into this?!" -Professor Snape, AVPS
"What the devil is going on here!?" -Professor Snape, AVPS
"That's absuuuurd!" -Professor Snape, AVPS
"I have a dilemma. I promised Dumbledore that I would protect the school, but the thing is, Potter... I hate you. I hate you so much. You know what I mean? But, it’s not fair, really, ‘cause it’s your dad is who I hated. And I was in love with your mum, but I had a butt-trumpet. My butt went, POOT POOT, POOT POOT, POOT POOT. And she chose him over me! You know how that is? It pisses me off; I mean, really. It fuckin' pisses me off. I was there for her, y’know? And when she needed someone, I was there, waiting, like a tool! 'Oh, we’re gonna snog now? OK. What about now? Well, I’ll wait. I’ll wait forever, like a tool!' And, just one time... just one time, I wanted to take your mum's... boobies... and put them on my face... and go BRRRBRBRBRBBRBRRR. Waaait, Potter -- what I’m trying to say is that I’m torn up and if you go in there, you’re gonna be in big trouble... oh, screw you. " -Professor Snape, AVPS
"Oh, shit! You guys are kids! I gotta watch my damn mouth around you little bastards. I-I'm sorry. Shoot. I gotta watch my damn mouth around you little bastards." -Professor Lupin, AVPS
"I've said it before, Snape, and I'll say it again. You always have been and you always will be...a BUTT TRUMPET. You know why? Because YOU'VE got a trumpeting BUTT!" -Professor Lupin, AVPS
"There's no way we're losing to Slytherin, or Ravenclaw, or...Jigglypuff." -Professor Lupin, AVPS
"Probably the work of that infamous...Hogwarts...jaguar. He's caused a lot of property damage... especially in my office. *coughs* Lupin shouldn't have to pay for that! Ahh, yes, who said that?" -Professor Lupin, AVPS
Snape: "That's absurd!"
"Sit down, Malfoy ya little shit!" -Albus Dumbledore, AVPS
"Didn't you grow up into a sexy little bitch like your father!" -Albus Dumbledore, AVPS
"How DAAAAAAARE you!" -Lucius Malfoy, AVPS
"And you're going to do that stiff arm movement that you're so fond of, and you two, you're going to do this...yes, it's going to feel goofy but it's going to look so fucking good." -Lucius Malfoy, AVPS
"Oh my god, Umbridge, stop texting me!" -Lucius Malfoy, AVPS
"Drah-co, you danced!" -Lucius Malfoy, AVPS
"Your irrational fear of the potty... Why else would you have such a little D? IT'S 'CAUSE YOU'RE A FUCKING ELF!" -Lucius Malfoy, AVPS
"It was someone I trusted, someone I may have even loved... DOBBY." -Lucius Malfoy, AVPS
"Rule number one, boys. You never tell a girl that you like her. It just makes you look like an idiot." -Sirius Black, AVPS
"Not to mention she has cancelled the annual valentine's day feel 'er up dance and replaced it with a nasty old abstinence rally! How am I supposed to remain abstinent when I got a reputation to maintain?!... Professor Flitwick is gonna fail me now!" -Cho Chang, AVPS
"If I catch you with any boys or alcohol, I'll RIP your perky li'l boobs off!" -Professor Umbridge, AVPS
"ITS UMBRIDGE, YOUR MAMA!!!" -Professor Umbridge, AVPS
"Rule number one: no boys...unless they're cuteeee. Rule number two: no alchohol...unless there's plenty to go around!!! And rule number three: no parties. UNLESS UMBRIDGE IS INVITED DURDURDRHARHARHRDURDUR" -Professor Umbridge, AVPS
Ways to Annoy a Non-Harry Potter Fan!
1. Relate everything they say to the Harry Potter books and/or movies.
2. Say they look like a Harry Potter character of the opposite gender.
3. Quote Dobby.
4. Hog the computer 24/7 while logged onto MuggleNet.
5. Read out loud to them whenever they can't get away from you (Example: When in a car or an elevator). If you don't have a book with you, recite from memory.
6. Give them Harry Potter merchandise for their birthday and Christmas and demand that they keep it and treasure it forever.
7. Rewrite their favorite song with Harry Potter lyrics and sing it constantly.
8. Crowd their inbox with Harry Potter related e-mail and make sure the subjects are misleading.
9. Start singing a Sorting Hat song at random moments, pretend to forget what comes next, and ask if they know in a very loud voice.
10. Make them play Quidditch with you.
11. Give all of their friends Harry Potter related nicknames and act mortally offended when they don't know the history of their character.
12. Change your name to that of a Harry Potter character and start screaming when they don't address you as such in public.
13. Always speak with a British accent - especially if you aren't from the UK.
14. Refer to real places by Harry Potter names.
15. ...throw a fit if others don't use these names.
16. Draw round glasses and lightning bolt scars on every poster and picture you come across...in permanent marker.
17. Give long lectures about how the prophecy relates to every day life.
18. Give every room in your house a Harry Potter codename. ( Example: The living room becomes the Entrance Hall) and whenever someone asks you where something is, use these names.
19. Change them immediately if they figure out what the names refer to.
20. Constantly ask if they can see the thestrals too.
21. ...refuse to explain what a thestral is.
22. Say, "Anything off the trolley, dear?" in a fake British accent when offering anyone food.
23. Pretend you can do magic.
24. Constantly rearrange their furniture and blame it on indecisive house-elves.
25. Yell "Get away from me, Death Eater!" whenever they get near you.
26. Constantly compare them to Mrs. Figg.
27. ...laugh evilly if they ask who Mrs. Figg is.
28. Complain loudly about how your pictures don't move.
29. Whenever you're asked for advice, reply with "Three turns should do it" in a very serious voice.
30. Break any awkward silences by saying, "How 'bout them Chudley Cannons?"
31. Tell a very long joke using a random Harry Potter quote as the punchline and then laugh hysterically.
32. ...make sure the joke isn't funny.
33. Use the titles "You-Know-Who" and "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named" to refer to random people.
34. ... make sure no one knows who you're talking about.
35. Write letters to people (friends, neighbors...politicians) and ask them to join S.P.E.W.
36. ...hand fliers advertising it to a random passerby.
37. Report Dumbledore's death to your local authorities.
38. Call them repeatedly asking if Percy Weasley is there and hang up before they can reply.
39. Pop up in place you're not supposed to be and insist that you were only trying to Apparate.
40. If you're late for something, blame it on your broken Time Turner.
41. Deck yourself out in all of your Harry Potter gear when you know you'll be going to a public place.
42. Walk past a wall over and over again, stopping randomly to bang on. When you receive weird stares, shout, "What?! I'm look for the Room of Requirement!"
43. Every time you see them, demand an explanation of why exactly they don't like Harry Potter.
44. If anyone tells you you'll go to hell for reading Harry Potter, either: a) jump and down and tell them that you can't wait; b) tell them you'll meet them there; c) sing "Weasley Is Our King" over and over again; or d) ask them to back up this claim with evidence, and laugh at them when they can't.
45. Play the soundtracks while they're stuck in your car.
46. ...add commentary. ( Oh, this is where they...)
47. When one of the movies is on TV, call to remind them.
48. ...every five minutes.
49. If they ask for your phone number, tell them it's 6-2-4-4-2.
50. Say "Alohomora!" everytime you open a door.
51. Sort every person you meet into one of the four Houses.
52. Follow them around while acting out a scene from the book doing very annoying voices for all the characters. Expect them to join in, and act offended when they don't.
53. Count down to some obscure Harry Potter event, whether it's Dumbledore's birthday, or when a Harry Potter DVD comes out. Keep saying: "87 (86, 85, etc.) more days!" in the middle of every conversation you have with your friend. Smile in a superior way when they ask what you're counting down to.
54. Start talking about a deceased Harry Potter character and suddenly burst into hysterical tears.
55. Refuse to be comforted.
56. Ask them to help you study for your O.W.L's and N.E.W.T's.
57. Knit them hats and insist that you're just trying to liberate them.
58. Talk to animals and insist that they're Animagi.
59. Treat them to lunch and then suddenly realize you can't pay for the meal since the restaurant doesn't accept Galleons, Sickles, or Knuts.
60. Run up to random men with long, dark hair and scream, "SIRIUS! I always knew you were alive!"
61. Point at modern electronic devices and loudly say, "Look at that! The things these Muggles come up with..."
62. Write letters to the editor of your local newspaper about the evils of our society ( Namely, Death Eaters and discrimination against friendly werewolves).
63. Send them numerous letters informing them that they have been selected to attend Hogwarts.
64. Carry around a shiny rock and proclaim that you possess the Sorcerer's Stone.
65. Say everything in a sing-song voice like Luna Lovegood.
66. End every converastion and/or letter with "Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!"
67. ...refuse to provide an explanation.
68. Tap all brick walls you encounter with an umbrella.
69. Say "Lumos" when turning on a light.
70. Point and grunt and insist that you're speaking Troll.
71. Refuse to wash your hair and explain that you're going for the Snape look.
72. Spend hours at a time trying to get your broom to fly.
73. Invite them over for the night and force them to watch the first three movies with you.
74. If they leave for any reason, restart the movie and tell them it's the Time Turner scene.
75. Shriek loudly and insist that you're speaking Mermish.
76. If you're asked to retrieve something, shout "Accio!" loudly.
77. ...when this doesn't work, throw a fit.
78. Demand to know what exactly the function of a rubber duck is.
79. Talk like Hagrid.
80. Point to garden gnomes and say, "Silly Muggles don't have a clue about what gnomes look like!" in a very loud voice.
81. Take them to a CD store and make them help you look for the newest Weird Sisters album.
82. Yell "Avada Kedavra" anytime they give the anti-HP lecture, then fake excruciating pain as your soul rips in two.
83. Write "Enemies of the Heir, BEWARE!" in red paint on their wall.
84. When confronted about the message, refuse to take responsibility and/or explain it further.
85. Hum Hedwig's Theme constantly and be sure to include any crescendos, decrescendos, accents, etc.
86. Petition to have Hedwig's Theme become the new National Anthem.
87. Wear all black and explain that you're in mourning over the death of "The Only One He Ever Feared."
88. ...when asked for am explanation of this cryptic title, cry hysterically.
89. Replace their entire movie collection with the Harry Potter films.
90. If they ask you about the weather, solemnly say, "Mars is bright tonight."
91. Print this out and use it as a checklist.
92. Insist that they subscribe for your new Harry Potter newsletter and when they say no, act like you've been seriously offended.
93. Potter Puppet Pals, anyone?
94. Knit them a maroon jumper every year - especially if maroon isn't their color.
95. When taking the stairs with them, stop and insist that you have to wait because the staircases are moving.
96. If someone turns off the lights, make a loud cracking sound and pretend to Apparate to the other side of the room.
97. Carry around a hip flask and refuse to drink anything anyone offers you.
98. Toss a small handful of sand and yell out, "Diagon Alley!"
99. If you go to a train station with them, loudly ask random people if they know where you can find Platform 9 3/4. Do this in an extremely fake British accent.
100. When your friend is checking sports scores, ask them if they can find out the score of the latest Quidditch match.
101. If they refuse, complain (loudly) that you missed the semi-final match between the Chudley Cannons and the Wimbourne Wasps and you need to know who will be advancing to the finals against the Tutshill Tornadoes.
102. At your next sleepover, draw a lightning-bolt scar on your forehead, and just as your friend is drifting off to sleep, grab your forehead and start screaming that you dreamed Voldemort killed your parents.
103. Fill a bowl with water and tie some tinsel to the end of your wand. Move the wand-tip from your temple to the bowl and pretend you're transferring your thoughts to a Pensieve, and ask not to be disturbed.
104. When at a train station with them, repeatedly throw yourself against the wall between Platforms 9 and 10. If someone asks if you need help, state in a panicked voice that you're going to miss the Hogwarts Express, and do they have a flying car that you could borrow?
105.At random moments, pick up a wand like object and run around a room, screaming deadly curses and disturbing jinxes. Then collapse, act faint and say that you must be immediately to St. Mungos for you had been placed under the Imperius curse. When not taken, repeat the process.
106. While playing chess with them, stare at your pieces and give them verbal commands.
107. Throw the chessboard across the room when the pieces don't move.
108. Invite them to play "find the Horcrux" with you.
109. Tell them you're wearing an invisibility cloak, then hide.
110. Say "Knock knock." When the person says "Who's there?", say "You Know." When they say "You Know Who?", roll on the floor laughing. When they say they don't get it, become very offended and refuse to explain.
111. Wear mismatched clothes and if someone asks you why say it's because you can never keep up with the muggle fashions.
112. Send out birthday party invitations for a Harry Potter character. Be sure to call everyone who doesn't respond and ask them if they're coming.
113. On the first day of school, ask all of your teachers if "Hogwarts, a History" will be required reading.
114. In casual conversation, mention things you've been taught by Professor Flitwick.
115. Call your local station or cable provider and ask if they will be carrying the Chuddly Cannon games this season.
116. Write all letters to said person on parchment with quills.
117. Whenever they read the newspaper in public, complain loudly about how Scrimegeour is paying them to keep the big stories quiet.
118. Drag them along to the nearest place that has old brick buildings, pull out your pink umbrella, and start tapping the bricks - explain that you're looking for Diagon Alley.
119. Whenever it's foggy outside, scream "The Dementors are coming!" and hide for days at a time.
120. Fill a bowl with water and tie some tinsel to the end of your wand. Move the wand-tip from your temple to the bowl and pretend you're transferring your thoughts to a Pensieve, and ask not to be disturbed.
121. Insist the radio is called a Wizarding Wireless Network.
122. When travelling long distances, insist on going by Floo Powder - while grabbing a handful of soil from the nearest flowerpot.
123. Tell them that they're almost as smart as Grawp.
124. ..refuse to tell them who Grawp is.
125. Speak in a loud harsh voice at random moments and make predictions about people. Then, use your normal voice again and pretend that you don't remember anything.
126. Constantly remind them that you're Dumbledore's man/woman through and through.
127. Walk up to random people and ask them if their initials are R.A.B.
128. If they say no, give them a dirty mistrusting look.
129. If they say yes, then tackle them and demand that they hand over the Horcrux.
130. Yell "Crucio" at drivers who cut you off.
131. Call them every night and ask what the Transfiguration homework
Mental Hospital Phone Menu:
Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital!
Just to tell you, if you have read every word so far it means that you definitely ARE crazy or weird, and you should DEFINITELY put at least those ones on your profile.
Professor Flitwick … does not know where Snow White is.
Professor Snape … has no wish to get in touch with his ‘feminine side’.
Professor Lupin … has no need for a flea collar. Ever.
Professor Moody … the best ‘teaching’ Hoqwarts has seen in a while.
Professor McGonagall … does not take herself too seriously. It is a bad idea to tell her.
Professor Dumbledore … should be referred to as ‘Professor’, ‘Headmaster’ or ‘Sir’, not ‘Dude’, ‘My Leige’ or ‘Tim the Enchanter’.
Harry Potter … is more Emo than Draco Malfoy.
Draco Malfoy … disagrees.
Hermione Granger … has PMS and a wand.
Ron Weasley … is very afraid.
Luna Lovegood … is perfectly sane, thanks very much.
Ginny Weasley … wants her Hogwarts toilet seat.
Fred Weasley … knows if he and his twin giggle at an idea for more than fifteen seconds, they may assume that it’s against the rules and therefore should not carry it out.
George Weasley … knows he and his twin will carry it out and are not remotely sorry.
Lily Evans … swears she is not in love with James Potter.
James Potter … doesn’t believe her.
Remus Lupin … would prefer less jokes about ‘his time of the month’.
Sirius Black … killed by drapery.
Andromeda Black … is going to marry a muggle – screw the consequences.
Bellatrix Black … is quietly going insane.
Narcissa Black … would like a new hairbrush.
Lucius Malfoy … does not like to be referred to as ‘Luscious Mouthful’.
Voldemort … does not think it would be funny if HP were to put on earmuffs and pulled out a mandrake in his presence.
Gryffindors … will jump off a cliff.
Slytherins … will push someone else off.
Hufflepuffs… will call five hundred others and build a staircase.
Ravenclaws … will get hold of a flying carpet.
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