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Poll: If you were in a battle, and you could only choose one weapon, what would you pick? Long story short: FullMoonBallad and I had a LOOOONG random conversation. Need I say more? Vote Now!
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Joined 06-08-09, id: 1963064, Profile Updated: 08-12-10
Author has written 5 stories for Maximum Ride, Bloody Jack Adventures, and Hunger Games.

Hello! Welcome to my profile. I am Song of the Wolf, or Wolfy.

Personal Information: Nobody needs to know anything, and those that do need to know, already do! (confusing enough for you?) all you need to know is that I am female. Age, location, other stuff like that is not yours to know.

Favorite Series: Warriors, Twilight, Maximum Ride, Jennifer Scales, Vampire Academy, Alex Rider, and a whole lot more that would take forever to list!

As I write stories, or work on longer ones, I will keep an update section on this page. I will also add some random things to the bottom of the page. Come on, who hasn't done that!

I really want good reviews, to help me write better. Say what you need to say, even if it is harsh, but not too harsh!

PPPSSSTT! I wrote a fanfiction with my friend before I had an account. Her profile name is FullMoonBallad, and the fanfic I co-authored is called the Quielute Mud Battle. (I probably did not spell that right)


MaximumRide: Fang's worst night...ever: We are going to do a whole drabble series with this, probably. the sequel is done, we wrote it while she was still at my house. we were bored! ch three is up! it has potato launchers and anothr secret weapon. some FAX and NIGGY.

Ad Finem:insanely bad writer's block

REVIEWS:Hey people! I NEED REVIEWS. You know what's really depressing? some people have, like, 100 reviews within 9 chapters. how many do i have? 28. and a HUGE THANK YOU to those that do review! don't think i don't appreciate them! i live on reviews, as so many writers do! so please, anyone can review, and it takes less than 5 minutes! I usually check out my reviewer's stories, and i will usually end up favoriting them. so, REVEIW!

The Review Revolution...

Even if the fic has 10,002,464 reviews already...

Even if the fic is older than time itself...

Even if it was abandoned a loooooooooooooooooooooong time ago...

Even if the author turned out to be a total psychopath...

Even if the OC is a Sue and the spelling would make a dictionary cry...

I will review every fic I read. What goes around comes around, and more people will review my own fics. I have joined Review Revolution.


(Found on a graphic, for Maximum Ride) Fang: If he can roast it, he'll eat it.

Okay all the math nerds out there! I found this on a graduation card, and if anyone can solve it and show their work... post the answer under one of my stories. Thanks!

If a dog and a rabbit each travel on land the speed of light divided by the number of hairs on their respective bodies, but the dog sheds 23 of its fur during sheddding season whereas the rabbit loses only 19, yet the rabbit normally has only .394 times the number of hairs of the dog, and the dog swims twice as fast as the rabbit unless the water is below 40 degrees Farenheit, in which case the dog travels 10 miles per hour slower for every degree under 40, and they begin a race on April 3 from Omaha to Tokyo following the Great Circle Route, who would win?

The card did not give an answer, and it needs some research, but enjoy!

Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt" Now you can handle the situation.

Jack was the only son of Awe Schitt and Owe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertiliser magnate, married Owe Schitt, the proprietor of Kneedeep N. Schitt Inc.

In turn Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple had six children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt and the twins Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents will, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop-out. After being married for 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Mr. Sherlock and, because her children were still living with them she kept her previous name. She was then known as NoeSchitt-Sherlock.

Dip Schitt married Loada Schitt and they produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt.

Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout their childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The local newspapers duly announced the Schitt-Happens weddings. The Schitt-Happens children were named Dawg, Byrd and Hoarse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new wife, Pisa Schitt.

So now when someone says,"You don't know Jack Schitt", you can correct them because you know his whole family and life story!

1) Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

2) I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

3) There is a great need for sarcasm font.

4) How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

5) I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

6) MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

7) Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

8) I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

9) Bad decisions make good stories

10) You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything > productive for the rest of the day.

11) I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page
research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

12) I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it
rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

13) I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

14) As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of
transportation, I always hate cyclists.

15) I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

16) I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller
Lites than Kay.

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no fucking way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors,why can't paper do this to people? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that shit up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors I always choose rock.Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, oh shit, I'm sorry I thought paper would protect you, asshole.

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Post this on your profile if you hate racism

Famous Last Words

Hey, watch this!

Poke it with a stick, see if it's dead.

What could possibly go wrong?

I'll hold it and you light the fuse.

I've got a great idea!

Where'd you put the bomb?


Hey, that looks like fun!

I wonder what this does...

Red or blue, red or blue...?

Oh, crap.

Why's it bubbling?

Guys, you gotta see this!


Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy." (FullMoonBallad and I did for about three days. It got annoying, but it was very entertaining.)

"Shut up voices or I'll poke you with a fork."

When life gives you lemons, make apple juice, then laugh while people try to figure out what the hell you did.

I like you. When I rule the world, your death shall be quick and painless.

Psychology: Mind over matter? Mind under matter? It doesn't matter. Never mind.

Join The Army. Visit places. Meet cool people... Then kill them...

When in danger, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.

I'm not clumsy... The floor just hates me.

Hate is just a special kind of love we give to people who suck.

He's not dead... he's electroencephalographically challenged

I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse.

If you're standing on a toilet, you're high on pot."

"Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELLED. Apparently you told Santa that you have been good this year...he died laughing."

I ran with scissors, and lived!

I'm the kind of person who will burst out laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.

"It doesn't matter whether the glass is half empty or half full, just drink it and get it over with."

"Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together."

"Don’t mess with me - I've got a stick."

"Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls."

If at first you don't succeed...go back and reload the gun.

A good friend wipes your tears when you're rejected. A best friend goes up to him and says, "It's because you're gay isn't it?"

A good friend comforts you after your boyfriend dumps you. A best friend calls him up whispering, "Seven days..."

A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"

A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.

A good friend will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. A best friend will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"

A good friend will offer you a soda. A best friend will dump theirs on you.

A good friend will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month. A best friend will throw you a tampon and push you in.

A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"

A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.

A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "Damn that was fun! Let's do it again!"

My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marshmallows and flirting with the firemen.

Good friends ask why you're crying. Best friends already have the shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry.

Good friends will help you with your drug problem. Best friends are the ones who sold it to you.

the other day, my sister and I were watching T.V., and something on the "birth of america was on", like the constitution and the declaration of independence. what did my sister say? "the constitution of independence"

on a similar show, this guy was all serious when he was talking about the fatalities aboard medieval spanish ships, and so he says, " it is hard to steer your ship when the crew is dead." but it was not said like sarcastic or anything.


So, isn't DEMANDING a favor redundant? You are supposed to ask for a favor. But, if someone says, HEY, YOU, do me a favor, now! do you do it? favors are asked for not demanded, right?

my friend and I thought of a scientific theory. we were riding on the bus, and just about everyone was yawning. you breathe in oxygen and exhale carbon dioxide. what would happen if everyone in a room inhaled all the oxygen at the same time, and exhaled carbon dioxide at the same time, only to inhale again, and there would be no oxygen? is that even possible?

If you are caught between a rock and a hard place, is a rock not hard?


Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." - Douglas Adams

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

Lightening danced across the dark walls followed shortly by a trembling thunder who shook the small huddled desolate forms crouched over a cold bed. Silent sobs echoed in the broken hearts as each second ticked slowly by, followed by another. An angel lays upon a stone alter his midnight black hair covering chocolate eyes, beautiful raven wings hanging limply off the bedside. Threatening clouds were too dense for the first rays of morning light to break through. The storm raged on immensely, but instantly was tamed and all was silent as a cold thud rang from a dead heart. -From Changed, a fanfic by OneMoreVoice. AWESOME story.

"I didn't lie! I just created fiction with my mouth! "

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."

"Never memorize something that you can look up."
— Albert Einstein

Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in 'mother in law', they come out to 'Woman Hitler'?

funny, but not all mother in laws are mean!

- "You're a good friend and I love you and all...but if we ever get chased by zombies, I'm totally tripping you."

I was once told that even death holds freedom for us, if we are caged we have freedom every time we choose to say no and fight with what little strength we seem to have. No false is hope as long as you don’t give up on it. -From A Haunted Past, a fanfic by CrazyLittleKooKoo You should read it.

Copy and Pastes!

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever lost someone you loved, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile

If you love Max Ride and cannot live without it, post this in your profile.

If you still laugh rereading Maximum Ride, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you think that Writer's Block sucks, copy and paste this into your profile

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Vampire Scooby, Alannaswarrior, SpottedLilly, Alleyanna Cullen, danceswithwings119, gottaluvtwilight,freexflyer, Green.Winged.Mistress, MoonStarWithWings, Yourcool79, MyNameIsCAB, chibi-sarus, hawkstar2, CrazyLittleKookoo, SongoftheWolf

Ninety-Five percent of teenagers are concerned about being popular. If you are part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list: Queen S of Randomness 016, Queen B of Randomness 016, AnimieKittyCaffe, The Gypsy Pirate Queen, That Bloody Demon, The Astrology Nerd, Shadow929, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Yavie Aelienel, Hyperactively Bored, Spymaster E, Shanny-Boo, Gem W, Brown-eyed angelofmuisc, piratesswriter/fairy to be, Bara-Minamoto, Em Quagmire, Buffy the Mary-Sue Slayer, Harry's Girl 01031992, Dawn over the Valley, Captain Samantha Lovegood, LilyGinnyBlack, Lilyre, Hermione16, iLoVeMoOnYnPaDfOot, Someone aka Me,Yourcool79, Give up your Prejudices, MyNameIsCAB, chibi-sarus, hawkstar2, CrazyLittleKookoo, SongoftheWolf

If you are obsessed w/ Fanfiction, then copy this into your profile

If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writitng or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.


If you think Fang is hot...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you have ever stayed up until midnight to get a book, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever had a grape war (sort of like a food fight, but with grapes) copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever had to give up reading books, copy and paste this into your profile.

If "Charlieeeeeee! We're on a bridge, Charlie!" almost made you pee your pants, copy this to your profile.

If you think Charlie the Unicorn is stupid, but watch it more than once anyway, copy and paste it into your profile.

If you have ever been called a bookworm and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn't care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Twilight and Gone with the wind, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone: Iheartjake, TeamJacob101, guitarhorselover, teamjacob247, ThatStupidLamb95, Jacob Black. . .Ooft Phitt, DarknessXAnime, Onyx Midnight, SongoftheWolf

1. Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an

2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places
in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in drugstores
make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their
prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the

4. Only in people order double cheeseburgers,
large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in banks leave
both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway
and put
our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in we use
answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't
miss a
call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in
of eight.

9. Only in we use the word 'politics' to
describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics'
'bloodsucking creatures'

10. Only in they have
drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.

If you have ever had a crush on a fictional character, copy and paste this on your profile and add your penname and the name(s) of the characters you have crushed on: HollyluvsArty (James Potter, Sirius Black (when he was young), Artemis Fowl) comix-freak (Artemis Fowl (and Arty is my one and only!))scarilyobsessed(Fang, from maximum ride) Natalie-07 (Jack Sparrow, I know I know he's older then my dad but it's not like we're actually dating!) Silverstar's Shadow (Kratos Aurion (like practically every other girl who plays ToS religiously), Yuan (damn the people who decided to never tell you his last name!), Sirius Black (not Gary the Old Man... I imagined him to look a little more like Adam from Three Days Grace... hehe... Ahem.), Draco Malfoy), AsterEris:Firefall'sLegacy(Jasper Cullen...sigh), AviorHyrax (Fell from fell...I love him, I know, hes a wolf...can't I have my dream? Murtaghlaughing really hard right now Aster..., Mr. Darcyawwwww, i love him, again, still laughing,artemis fowl, Victor, from Cathy's book/key(I have a lot more but still), MiracleJade (Legolas from Lord of the Rings, Murtagh from Eragon movie (sucked) and Kisten from Kim Harrison books), xXxNyte-chanxXx (Edward Cullen-Twilight duh...Ian MacPhie-Love at Skate series), The Dawn Is Breaking (Edward Cullen, Edward Rochester (Jane Eyre)) TheAntidoteIsAlwaysJelly (Draco Malfoy, Jacob Black, Lucius Vladescu Jessica's Guide to Dating the Dark Side, Jack Sparrow, Sweeney Todd, Roiben Rath Rye Tithe), Closeyourmouthkristenstewart (The Phantom from phantom of the opera, any johnny depp character, jacob black, Darry (from the Outsiders), Johnny Castle from dirty dancing, Erik Night ((from house of night series) and sooo many more), SongoftheWolf: Fang(MaxRide), Damon and Stephen Salvatore (VampireDiaries), Zane Cobriana (Kiesha'ra series) and characters i have created (messed up, is it not?),

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you are woken up, shout, "AMEN!"

5.Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6.In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Marijuana

7.Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'.

9. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11.Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!'

18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner,'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'

20 And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity, Copy and Paste this To Make People who read bios Smile.

Say the words out loud.
1) That's not right... ...Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive? ...Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP... ...Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man... ... Dum Fuk
5) Small Horse... ...Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the Beach?...Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table...Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift...Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here...Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet...Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone...,No Pah King
12) Our meeting is next week...Wai Yu Kum Nao
13) Staying out of sight...Lei Ying Lo
14) He's cleaning his automobile...Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive...Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great... ...Fa Kin Su Pah

A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle

Girl: Slow down, I'm scared!

Guy: No, this is fun.

Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.

Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: I love you, now slow down!

Guy: Give me a Kiss.

Girl: There, Now would you Slow Down!

Guy: Now give me a big hug.

She gives him a big hug

Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.

In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of brake failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his brake wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him and give him one last kiss. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she could live. If you would do this for a loved one copy and paste.

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don 't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Heart of a Killer by XxXGloomXxX reviews
Fang's past comes back to haunt him. Why did they school take Max, and what do they want from Fang and why do they want it so bad? And what is Fang keping from Iggy. FAXNESS! used to be Chaos ride's story
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Horror/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 985 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 12/30/2012 - Published: 6/2/2009 - Max, Fang
Flammie Tales Bk1: A Wizard's Trials by UltraZeldaFan reviews
UP TO CHAPTER 8! A young man discovers a book of spells and his destiny to become a wizard. What trials await him?
Secret/Legend of Mana - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Fantasy - Chapters: 9 - Words: 30,025 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 5/14/2012 - Published: 9/19/2009
Disturbia: The Original by ElderThurisaz reviews
Max is having terrible, horrific nightmares of the Flock being murdered brutally by a monster. Now Max's world is crashing down around her, & she must stop the dreams from coming true or she she may become the very thing that killed them. BEING REWRITTEN!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Horror/Supernatural - Chapters: 19 - Words: 20,265 - Reviews: 330 - Favs: 82 - Follows: 84 - Updated: 12/2/2011 - Published: 12/27/2008 - Max - Complete
Never Forget by CrazyLittleKookoo reviews
This has been done but mine is different. Max leaves because something happens and three years after when she bumps into the flock its kill, be killed or run. But Max doesnt run any more.New characters and new enemies. READ IT PLZ FAX l8r on and jealousy!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Drama/Adventure - Chapters: 23 - Words: 34,128 - Reviews: 116 - Favs: 48 - Follows: 60 - Updated: 7/27/2011 - Published: 11/9/2009 - Max, Fang
Echoes Of War by Chaos Ride reviews
Anabell Smith finds a photo album of the flock in her grandma's attic."This is the tale of six kids, and the troubles they face," AU Fax, Niggy, Gella. Warning inside
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Tragedy/Family - Chapters: 20 - Words: 15,535 - Reviews: 164 - Favs: 45 - Follows: 34 - Updated: 5/13/2011 - Published: 7/19/2009 - Max, Ella - Complete
Changed by OneMoreVoice reviews
The flock is finally starting to enjoy a small vacation when Fang mysteriously runs off into a storm leaving Max to chase after him. What happens when the school drastically changes Fang? Will Max change as well? FAX!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 21 - Words: 42,970 - Reviews: 194 - Favs: 40 - Follows: 48 - Updated: 2/25/2011 - Published: 1/13/2009 - Max, Fang
A Nightmare Lived by CrazyLittleKookoo reviews
This is why Max is stronger than anyone. This was what they did to her, she was sent to the school after living at the Arena. This is what they did to her and how she fought back. This is a prequel to my story A Haunted Past read it! May be FAX later on.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Family - Chapters: 23 - Words: 37,098 - Reviews: 89 - Favs: 45 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 2/16/2011 - Published: 10/10/2009 - Max, Fang - Complete
Talons and Claws by Darkness-Rising-Queen reviews
When a young owl is forced into the world of warriors to help a young she-cat from threats of all kind. But something tugs at his chest. Is it love for the she-cat? Can two such different animals be together? Or will one of them die? R & R
Crossover - Warriors & Guardians of Ga'Hoole - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 12 - Words: 19,966 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 11/26/2010 - Published: 6/9/2009
Dead Man's Blues by lizzydhamp1901 reviews
Dimitri's life is a mess: he's in love with the one girl he can't be with and the voices in his head have a life of their own. But when you could die any minute, is giving in to temptation so wrong? D's version of SK, 3rd fic in the LLR series.
Vampire Academy - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 16 - Words: 36,859 - Reviews: 346 - Favs: 138 - Follows: 103 - Updated: 10/18/2010 - Published: 5/9/2010 - Dimitri B., Rose H.
The Capitol's Favorite by TheSeamGirl reviews
Finnick Odair is one of the Capitol's favorite Victors. He's handsome, smart, charismatic, charming, and young. This is the story of Finnick's games, told from his POV. T for violence and my paranoia.
Hunger Games - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 5 - Words: 4,645 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 8/18/2010 - Published: 8/13/2010 - Finnick O., Mags
Watching Her by TheSeamGirl reviews
Finnick and Annie drabbles. Finnick has always watched Annie. Starting with her Games, then skipping around. Different points in her life. heehee T for death and paranoia. AN is in second chapter!
Hunger Games - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,518 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 8/9/2010 - Published: 7/23/2010 - Finnick O., Annie C.
Theres Something Seriously Wrong with These People by closeyourmouthkristenstewart reviews
Sequel to What The Heck is Wrong with These People. If you haven't read it, you won't understand this one. Bonus x-mas material inside! Super funny, you'll appreciate it if you're twisted like us! Rated T for the mental image of Carlisle in a Speedo.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 4,133 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 6/26/2010 - Published: 12/24/2009
Winter's Ice by Uldaren Bardaniel reviews
Disney-based. POV of Quasi's mother at the beginning. Rated for safety.
Hunchback of Notre Dame - Rated: T - English - Drama/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,049 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/11/2010 - Complete
Way back when by lizzydhamp1901 reviews
Dimitri Belikov's life stoy, ranging from the day of his birth to the death of his charge. DPOV.
Vampire Academy - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 5 - Words: 3,375 - Reviews: 87 - Favs: 47 - Follows: 41 - Updated: 5/21/2010 - Published: 11/20/2009 - Dimitri B., Olena B.
Mentory Schizophrenia by lizzydhamp1901 reviews
Sequel to LOVING LITTLE ROSE, where Daemon makes his debut - read that first or you just won't get it. Dimitri is a guy - a 24-year-old guy - though sometimes we forget... Because Dimka's mind is funnier and more twisted than we give him credit for!
Vampire Academy - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 18 - Words: 32,519 - Reviews: 491 - Favs: 191 - Follows: 95 - Updated: 5/12/2010 - Published: 11/17/2009 - Dimitri B., Rose H. - Complete
Rise From The Ashes by hallowedhalls reviews
Two best friends, yet polar opposites, are kidnapped for the sake of Itex's newest 'project'. Watch as their world is turned upside down as they struggle to cope in their own custom-made hell. T, may up. Previously Levitas Offendo. Penname was waterglow.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 7 - Words: 14,578 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 4/11/2010 - Published: 6/24/2009
MR SPOOF by xxgldxx reviews
A Spoof on the Maximum Ride books. Where all the characters are out of control and things don't always go the way James Patterson wrote them..... read more inside.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 29 - Words: 34,926 - Reviews: 359 - Favs: 109 - Follows: 61 - Updated: 4/8/2010 - Published: 4/2/2009
VADHD by Uneducated Cabinet Face reviews
Vampiric Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder. "Vampires are easily distracted." Bella finds proof of this statement at one of her evenings with the Cullen family. Oneshot. R&R, please!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 625 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 2 - Published: 1/2/2010 - Bella, Jacob - Complete
Clipped Wings by hallowedhalls reviews
Max's story from the 'deaths' of her flock to her own. It is about her version of the fictional events that happened before "On Angel's Wings". Angsty, and much implied!character death. Possible OOCness. T, for now. Part of the Wingsverse, 2/6. WIP.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Angst/Tragedy - Chapters: 3 - Words: 6,870 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 12/29/2009 - Published: 11/3/2009 - Max
Advent Calendar by Nightmares Grace reviews
Just a fun little series of drabbles, one a day till December 25th. Damon gives Stefan an advent calendar in an attempt to rekindle Christmas for the Salvatores.
Vampire Diaries - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,307 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 12/3/2009 - Published: 12/2/2009 - Damon S., Stefan S.
Loving Little Rose by lizzydhamp1901 reviews
Rose only sees one side of Dimka during VA: the mentor side. But what about the rest of him? He IS only 24, you know. DPOV of VA... with a twist, of course. WARNING: This fic gives our darling Dimka a sense of humor not shown to Rose. Beware.
Vampire Academy - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 23 - Words: 38,088 - Reviews: 680 - Favs: 409 - Follows: 170 - Updated: 11/15/2009 - Published: 9/11/2009 - Dimitri B., Rose H. - Complete
Damon's Boredom by ShockValueAuthor reviews
Stefan still has Damon's ring. What to do while he cooped up in the house?
Vampire Diaries - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 880 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 50 - Follows: 7 - Published: 11/9/2009 - Damon S., Stefan S. - Complete
The Legacy by Kiliro reviews
William Turner, Captain of the Flying Dutchman, has died at the hand of his successor, Lily Sky. Jack Sparrow, Bootstrap Bill, and the rest of the crew, will welcome her as the new captain. Based on fanfiction by Artemisdesari, Cliff Side.
Pirates of the Caribbean - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 937 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 10/28/2009 - Capt. Jack Sparrow
Questionable Reading by BroodyCheery323 reviews
Damon's bored so he reads a book he found in Stefan's room. He's not impressed. Damon;Minor Stefan, OOC
Vampire Diaries - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 564 - Reviews: 40 - Favs: 80 - Follows: 7 - Published: 10/27/2009 - Damon S., Stefan S. - Complete
The Underwater Adventures of a Blind Mutant by Kiliro reviews
The name says it all for the first chapter, the rest is slightly more complicated: Know it involves sight, Miami, and OCs... Changed to a bit of Romance. Sorry, I'm amazingly bad with summaries. Iggy's POV!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 10,737 - Reviews: 43 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 10/27/2009 - Published: 7/11/2009 - Iggy
A Haunted Past by CrazyLittleKookoo reviews
Max has a secret, all her life she's been running from it. Now its come back, and its not going away. She has to keep her flock safe, save the world, try to live and manage a relationship. Seecrets become unveiled, can she cope? Fax, and enemies unknown.
Maximum Ride - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 39 - Words: 68,053 - Reviews: 331 - Favs: 88 - Follows: 48 - Updated: 10/6/2009 - Published: 6/20/2009 - Max - Complete
Tricks Before the Gamemakers by gethsemane342 reviews
CF spoilers! A 'what if' scenario about the people who would face the Gamemakers. Not intended to be taken seriously.
Hunger Games - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,545 - Reviews: 60 - Favs: 59 - Follows: 6 - Published: 10/1/2009 - Plutarch H., Mags - Complete
F My Life by WindowChild reviews
FML - Hunger Games' style. Chapter One: Katniss.
Hunger Games - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,095 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 10 - Published: 9/25/2009
I am Powerful by Evilsingingllama reviews
Drabble. Let's just say Senri drinks something...
+Anima - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 263 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/17/2009 - Senri - Complete
What is Free? by 11Twilightcrazy reviews
Have you ever wonder what the heck happened to all those mutants that the Flock saved at the institute in the Angel Experiment? Why did JP just get rid of them and then pretend they had never existed at all? and most importantly, what is their story? R&R!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 6 - Words: 7,148 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 7/28/2009 - Published: 6/9/2009
What the Heck is Wrong with these People? by closeyourmouthkristenstewart reviews
What would happen if Stephanie Meyer was as wierd as us? Here's a sample. Hilarious, easy to read, exciting and unexpected. After this, READ THE SEQUEL!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 24 - Words: 14,452 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 7/28/2009 - Published: 7/16/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Three things by lionluver1918 reviews
Bella has only a few minutes to live, so she asks Edward to do three things for her. All human.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Romance/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 224 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 1 - Published: 7/4/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Lady Luck by Amika-Kyou reviews
It is payback time. Scorpia finally achieved their goal to capture one Alex Rider. While in captivity, the teenage spy has to bear torture beyond human endurance. How will he cope with the pain? Is his luck gone? Or will he be saved on time?
Alex Rider - Rated: M - English - Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,391 - Reviews: 35 - Favs: 77 - Follows: 22 - Published: 6/27/2009 - Complete
Esmeralda by D. M. Robb reviews
This vignette, based on the Disney version, explores what Esmeralda could have been thinking while she awaited her execution.
Hunchback of Notre Dame - Rated: T - English - Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,102 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 4 - Published: 4/29/2009 - Esmeralda - Complete
From Human Perspective by appa-appa-away reviews
I was sick of not being able to see one because of the other and I was sick of the fighting. Well, I guess that neither of them are fully human, so I guess that I couldn't expect them to see it all from human perspective.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,913 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 2 - Published: 4/26/2009 - Jacob, Edward - Complete
Herbs of Love and Hate by World of Make Believe reviews
I've always wanted to write something about Yellowfang. This is ALL MY OPINION, so don't get mad at me if it's not like the books. One-Shot. Please Read and Review!
Warriors - Rated: K - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,121 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 10 - Published: 3/22/2009 - Yellowfang - Complete
The Mysterious Voice by lionluver1918 reviews
Edward hears a voice, but not one he recognizes. Strange thing is, everyone else starts so hear it, too. Sounds familiar, considering it's quotes from the books! hehe. Set between Eclipse and Breaking Dawn.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 423 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 3 - Published: 3/9/2009 - Edward
Ninja Fang by St. Fang of Boredom reviews
It's better than Spiderman! Fang hits his head and develops ninja powers! Or, at least, he thinks he has....
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,817 - Reviews: 196 - Favs: 227 - Follows: 35 - Published: 1/23/2009 - Fang - Complete
The One Who Guards His Heart by YourLipsMyBiggestWeakness reviews
She meant only to return it to him. Now she's falling in love with him.
Pirates of the Caribbean - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,148 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 3 - Published: 8/7/2008 - Will T.
Darkness by Jackrabbit2011 reviews
I'd made a mistake. A stupid, utterly avoidable mistake. And my flock was going to die because of what I'd done- everyone who knew me was going to suffer because of my lack of judement. And there was nothing, absolutly nothing I could do about it.
Maximum Ride - Rated: M - English - Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,298 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 2 - Published: 4/14/2008 - Complete
Cliff Side by Artemisdesari reviews
Takes place after AWE, Will visits every ten years, an account of some of the visits. WARNING: not necessarily a happy ending for all!
Pirates of the Caribbean - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,136 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 2 - Published: 5/27/2007 - Complete
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Trapped in My Memories reviews
The games are never really over. They live on in memories.
Hunger Games - Rated: T - English - Angst/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 381 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 3 - Published: 8/11/2010 - Katniss E. - Complete
Swing reviews
After In the Belly of the Bloodhound, Jacky is arrested for Piracy. What if she didn't escape?
Bloody Jack Adventures - Rated: T - English - Tragedy/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,020 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/6/2010
Fears of Flying reviews
Max said she'd push Dylan off of the roof. Did she actually do it? Or did she have a change of heart?
Maximum Ride - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,312 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 5/30/2010 - Max, Dylan - Complete
Ad Finem reviews
Itex's latest assasin fails in his falling in love. Will he and the Flock make it through the coming war? A/N: I really can't do a decent summary, and the story is actually pretty good. PLEASE READ!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 13 - Words: 19,297 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 12/13/2009 - Published: 7/3/2009
Fang's Worst NightEVER reviews
What happens when the flock gets bored on vacation, and Fang is being cranky and emo? //Sorry, we forgot Total and Akila. Whoops!//
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4,587 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 7/25/2009 - Published: 6/13/2009 - Fang - Complete