Author has written 44 stories for Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, and Silmarillion.
I realized today that maybe I should have liked Qui Gon Jinn more. But I was younger and identified more with Obi Wan, and his adherence to the rules. To the Code. To being a smart alec and smart... You know. The rules are what make things clear. The rules are what keep you in the right and the Right...
That's what was important. Being in the right.
I'm older now, and I see that being right or being in the right, is not what is important. That encompasses a far, far larger scope and has many degrees and angles that can be difficult to navigate.
The rules don't get you far in that maze. You keep running into the walls rather than finding a way around them. The people around you are the walls, the maze, and there truly is no way to navigate around or through them.
You have to interact and live with them. Find a way to step aside at times and stand your ground at other times. You have to find a way to love them, faults and all. Perhaps love them because of those faults because I too am human and flawed.
Grace and mercy and love are my rules now. I understand Qui Gon Jinn far better. His silence, which at times when I was young and watching the movies, was infuriating. Now I understand.
Sometimes there are no words. Sometimes words simply are not a good conveyance for what you want to impart.
Sometimes actions are explosive examples of what you mean. A look. A smile. A touch. Those speak above and below the subliminal hearing of humans and reach into the core of being, the soul. They bypass the brain which is easily muddled by words, searching for double meanings and shadows that don't exist.
Turns out Qui Gon was wiser and far more foolish than I ever thought. Turns out he was human and flawed.
Turns out I like him quite a bit.
Even when he was being a jerk. This is what it means to be human – we are flawed and fail-prone. We muck though things and do our best and fall on our faces, get back up and hopefully learn to watch for gopher holes next time. Are good intentions enough?
No. Loving someone despite all those intentions, good or bad, that's where the rub is and that is harder than following the rules. But it lasts longer too. And when rules change and things happen that are not fair, forgiveness and love will free you.
I still want the boots and the 'sabre, that probably will never change!
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