Author has written 6 stories for Naruto, Harry Potter, Prince of Tennis, and Band of Brothers.
Hi there, I am a 90s kid, metal head and German
Favorite actor: Tom Felton, Taylor Lautner, David Boreanaz, Ian Somerhalder, Tom Hanks, Damian Lewis, Matthew Settle, Rick Gomez, James Masters, Christoph Waltz, Till Schweiger,Sam Heughan, Sam Worthington, Stephen Amell, Dylan O'Brian, Tyler Hoechlin, Colton Haynes, Daniel Sharman, Chris Hemsworth
favorite actress: Helena Bonham Carter, Jennifer Lawrence, Julia Roberts, Emma Watson, Holland Roden
favorite movies or manga / anime or series:
Harry Potter, Prince of Tennis, Big Bang Theory, Glee and glee project, Criminal Minds, Chronicles of Narnia, Hunger Games, Arrow, Lord of the Rings, Philadelphia, Band of Brothers, Kill Bill, das Boot, Avatar, Hobbit, Phantom of the Opera, Jagd auf roter Oktober, Saving Private Ryan, Angel, Teen Wolf, Red riding hood, Nightmare before christmas, Person of interest, Cold Case, Titanic, Inglorious Basterds, Frozen, Pillow Talk, Pauker-Reihe, Game of Thrones, We were soldiers, Thor, Iron Man, Avengers
Favorite Female Characters:
Favorite Male Characters:
Major Dick Winters
Captain Ronald Speirs
Warren "Skip" Muck
William "Wild Bill" Guarnere
Quotes and stuff:
Amantes, amentes - Liebende sind Rasende
Cogito ergo sum - Ich denke, also bin ich
De mortuis nihil nisi bene - Über die Toten nur Gutes
Fiat iustitia - Es werde Gerechtigkeit
Gutta cavat lapidem, non vi sed saepe cadendo - Ein steter Tropfen höhlt den Stein, nicht durch Gewalt, sondern durch stetes Fallen
Mors certa, hora incerta. - Der Tod ist sicher, die Stunde unsicher.
Oderint dum metuant. - Mögen sie mich hassen, solange sie mich fürchten.
Qualis rex, talis grex - Wie der Herr, so das Gescherr
Quinctili Vare, legiones redde! - Varus, gib mir die Legionen zurück!
Quod licet Iovi, non licet bovi - Was Jupiter erlaubt ist, ist noch lange nicht einem Rindvieh erlaubt
Vincere scis, Hannibal, victoria uti nescis. - Zu siegen verstehst du, Hannibal, den Sieg zu nutzen, verstehst du nicht.
Contra vim mortis non est medicamen in hortis-Gegen den Tod ist kein Kraut gewachsen
Ignorantia iuris nocet- Unkenntnis schützt vor Strafe nicht
In dubio pro reo- Im Zweifel für den Angeklagten
Nam quod in iuventus non discitur, in matura aetate nescitur- was man in der Jugend nicht lernt, lernt man im Alter nicht mehr
Nemo enim potest personam diu ferre- Niemand kann ewig eine Maske tragen
Non curatur, qui curat- wer Sorgen hat wird nicht geheilt
Iniqua numquam regna perpetuo manent!- Ungerechte Reiche wären niemals ewig
Prudentia potentia est!- Wissen ist Macht
In Remembrance to Severus Snape,
A Slytherin who died like a Gryffindor, for his Lily may he have been forgiven in the end,
In Remembrance to Fred Weasley,
Who fought bravely to the very end,
And whose jokes will forever brighten his other half,
And will loyally await his soul mate and brother,
With many jokes,
He's got forever to think of them, right?
In Remembrance to Dobby,
Who was more free and full of love,
Than any elf, and most humans; a truely free elf may he rest in peace!
In Remembrance to Remus J. Lupin,
The last real Marauder,
Who was not just a wonderful father,
An incredible husband and a brave hero,
But an awesome warewolf too,
In Remembrance to Nymphadora Tonks,
Who died for the greater good, leaving behind the second mauraders son,
And would probably hex me for calling her Nymphadora,
In Remembrance to Alastair 'Mad Eye' Moody,
Who's motto 'Constance Vigilance' kept him alive,
In Remembrance to Tom Marvolo Riddle, A.K.A Voldemort,
Who was pretty cool and cute when he was younger,
But who got his ass kicked thoroughly in the end,
In Remembrance to Albus Dumbledore,
Whose past and wisdom confused us,
Whose seeming betrayal shocked us, Who's betrayal we can all understand,
But who actually turned out to be a great guy in the end,
In Remembrance to Bellatrix Lestrange,
Because it was awesome how Molly Weasley got her with the Avada Kedavra,
She deserved everything she got in the end,
In Remembrance to Colin Creevey,
Who we really didn't know too well,
But took a lot of pictures and died fighting in the war,
So he must've done something good...
Besides stalking Harry,
In Remembrance to Hedwig,
Harry's first real friend,
Who lived and died soaring in the night sky.
If you cried during/after reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, copy this to your profile
If you loved DH, HBP, OotP, GoF, PoA, CoS, and SS/PS, and know what all those initials stand for, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you cried when Fred Weasley died (in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows), and not afraid to admit it, copy, paste this on your profile.
If you cried when Dobby died (in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows), copy and paste this into your profile
If you love Harry Potter, copy this into your profile.
If you always mentally make the Sirius "serious" pun whenever somebody says, "I'm serious!" copy and paste this into your profile.
If you read Deathly Hallows in under a week, copy and paste this (Try 10 hours!)
If you wanted to punch Remus Lupin in the gut for thinking that he was "too old" for Tonks, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you agree that Tonks is a way better nickname than Dora (as in Nymphadora), copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you agree Pansy Parkinson should be sent to a Dog Kennel, copy and paste this to your profile
Things I'm not allowed to do at Hogwarts.
1) Seamus Finnigan is not after me lucky charms
2) I do not weigh the same as a duck. Nor should I try to act like one.
3) "I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.
4) I will not sing "we're off to see the wizard" when sent to the Headmaster's office.
5) I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class
6) I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss
7) Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda
8) Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar
9) First years are not allowed to be fed to Fluffy
10) I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his "time of the month"
11) I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals
12) I will not sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin quidditch matches
13) The Giant Squid is not an approriate date to the Yule Ball
14) When Death-Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout "To the Bat Moblie, Robin!"
15) When a class-mate falls asleep, I shall not take advantage of the fact and draw a Dark Mark on his arm.
16) It's not necessary for me to yell "BURN!" every time Snape takes house points from Gryffindor
17) Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is simply coincidental
18) I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny. Even if he is wearing an orange anorak
19) I will not refer to the Weasley Twins as "bookends"
20) I will ont dress up in a Dementor's suit and use a dustbuster on Harry's lips to make him do what I want.
21) I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.
22) I will not hold my wand in the air before I casting spells shouting "I got the power!"
23) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that the Knights who say Ni have challenged him to a duel and then have students yell "Ni!" from various
24) I am not Xena: Warrior Princess and I shall not use war cries to signal my entrance when I enter a classroom
25) Its not necessary for me to yell "Bam!" everytime I apparate.
26) I will not steal Griffyndor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallway.
27) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music when wandering the halls.
28) "To conquer the earth with flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice.
29) I am not allowed to begin Herbology class by singing the theme song to "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes"
30) I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them smurfs.
31) The Whomping Willow is not an Entwife
32) "Draco Malfoy, Take it up the Arse" is not an acceptable quidditch chant.
34) I am not Allowed to lock Harry Potter and Draco Malfoyin a closet to see if hot gay sex will occur.
34) It is a mad idea to tell Professor Mcgonagal that she takes herself too seriously
35) "Ya'll check this crap out!" is not an aprropriate way to announce that I am about to conduct an expirimental spell.
36) I will not say the phrase "Dude, get a life" to Voldemort.
37) I will not offer to pose nude for Collin Creevy.
38) I am no longer allowed to use the words "pimp cane" in front of Draco Malfoy.
39) Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera.
40) Dumbledore does not have "nakie time".
Emmett is the strongest.
Rosalie's the hottest.
Edward's the fastest.
Bella is clumsy
Alice's the quirkier.
But only Jasper can sit in a corner, and yet all feel jealous.
Harry Potter Survey
List the books in order from your favorite to your least favorite.
1. Deathly Hallows
2.Prisoner of Azkaban
3. Order of the phoenix
5. Chamber of secrets
6. Goblet of Fire
7. Sorcerer's stone
List the movies in order from your favorite to your least favorite.
1. Deathly Hallows
2. Prisoner of Azkaban
3. Order of the Phoenix
5. Goblet of Fire
6. Chamber of Secrets
7. Sorcerers Stone
Top 5 favorite characters in any order?
1. Draco Malfoy
2. Harry Potter
3. Lord Voldemort
4. Sirius Black
5. Bellatrix Lestrange
5 least favorite characters in any order?
1. Cho Chang
2. Romilda Vane
3. Pansy Parkinson
4. Dolores Umbridge
5. The Dursley’s
Three favorite spells?
1. Expecto Patronum
Three favorite potions?
2. Draught of living death
3. Wolfsbane Potion (For Lupin!!!)
Favourite member of the Golden Trio? Harry
Favourite family? Weasley’s!!
Favourite antagonist? Lord Voldemort
Favourite death eater? Lucius Malfoy
Favourite chapter from your favorite book? Deathly Hallows: Battle of Hogwarts
Favourite non-Hogwarts magical building? Number 12 Grimmauld Place
Favourite Diagon Alley shop? Weasleys’ Wizarding Wheezes
Favourite Hogsmeade shop? Zonko’s Joke Shop
Favourite Unforgivable Curse? Crucio
Favourite mode of wizard transportation? Apparation
Favourite Weasley? Fred
Favourite Order member? Sirius Black
Favourite DA member? Neville (hey he makes the most progress)
Favourite pet? Hedwig
Favourite Hogwarts room? The Chamber of Secrets
Favourite Hogwarts professor? Severus Snape!!!!
Favourite non-human Hogwarts resident? Buckbeak
Favourite Tri-Wizard champion? Viktor Krum
Favourite house elf? Dobby
Favourite wizard sweet? Chocolate Frogs
Favourite couple? Draco/Harry or Harry/LVTMR difficult to decide
Favourite friendship? The Marauders!
Biggest surprise of the series? The Malfoys not fighting after entering the castle in the battle, especially Lucius
Biggest letdown of the series? Why Hedwig too, she was just a poor owl
One character you wish lived? Remus so Teddy would have at least one parent and Harry a connection to his parents( maybe even a father figure)
Moment that will always make you cry? Snape's undying love for Lilly
Your patronus would be a _? Horse
Three things Amortentia would smell like to you: Horses, the air just after rain and lilac
You would use Felix Felicis to _? pass my exams, don't care if it's illegal
Ron/Hermione or Harry/Hermione? Why? Harry/Hermione They understand each other better and Ron and Hermione wouldn't even be friends without Harry
James/Lily or Snape/Lily? Snape/Lilly. Period.
Do you think Harry Potter is better than Twilight? Harry Potter all the way
Are you going to go see the Deathly Hallows Pt. 2 in theaters? Did so on the Prepremiere
Do you own the books/movies? YES,every single one of them!!
Have you ever played any of the video games? Order of the Phoenix for DS, I like the movies and books far more
Do you think it would be cool to have a pet owl? Hell Yah!!!
How about a rat? naah
Have you ever listened to the soundtrack? Yes, I love In noctem from HBP
Which house would you want to be in? SLYTHERIN!!! Am so on Pottermore
Do you like Draco? YES!!!!
Would you ever enter the Tri-Wizard Tournament? NO!!!
Would you keep your money in Gringotts? Yep! Wicked safe!!!
What class would be your favourite? DADA or Potions
Do you think you would enjoy being a witch/wizard? Think so
Favourite movie set: Great Hall.
Favourite movie scene: in Weasleys Wizard Wheezes when Rons like "How much for this?" And the twins are like. "Five galleons," and then he's like, "How much for me?" and they're like, Duh, "Five galleons," and then he's like "Im your brother!" and they look at each other and are like "Ten Galleons" then walk off smirking. OR In the seventh movie when Harry tells Umbridge "I must not tell lies" OR when Sirius tells Harry that he's his god father AHHH JUST TOO MANY!!
Favourite scene in the movies not included in the books: That scene in GoF when Harry and Ron should do their homework but Ron keeps going on about the dance and Snape forces their heads towards their papers
Scene you were most disappointed didn’t make it into the movie: Some parts in OotP
Death Eaters or Dumbledore’s Army?: Death Eaters!!!
Fred or George?: Fred
The Ministry of Magic or Gringotts?: Gringotts
Sirius or Lupin?: Sirius
Occlumency or Legilimency? umm... Legilimency
Animagus or metamorphagus?: Animagus
Mermish or Parselmouth?: Parselmouth!!
Draco or Lucius?: Draco
Peter Pettigrew or Mundungus Fletcher?: Both little scared rats
Whomping Willow or flying Ford Angila?: FLYING FORD ANGILA!!
Invisibility cloak or Pensieve?: Invisibility cloak
Grimmauld Place or the Burrow? Grimmauld Place
Werewolf or Inferi?: Werewolf.
Herbology or Care of Magical Creatures?: Care of Magical Creatures
Professor Binns or Professor Umbridge?: Binns, you get to sleep and he won't have you carve words into your own skin
Peeves or Nearly Headless Nick?: Peeves :P !!!
Hippogriff or Thestrals?: Thestrals
Durmstrang or Beauxbatons?: Durmstrang
Portkey or Apparation?: Apparation
Prince Of Tennis Survey Questions!
Note: You can add your own questions! As long the main ones aren't erased!
Copy and paste this in your profile, if you want.
Taken from Magic Detective
1. First off! What is your favorite school?
2. Who is your favorite player?
Sanada, Atobe, Yukimura, Marui, Kamio, Tezuka, Ryoma
3. What is your favorite tennis move?
split step and cool drive, Can't forget zero shiki
4. Who is your favorite doubles pair?
5. What is your favorite tennis game in the series (who vs. who)?
Atobe VS. Tezuka. So epic
6. What is your least favorite school?
Josie Shounan (sp?)
7. Who is your least favorite player?
The twins from Josie Shounan. Oh, and Mizuki. don't forget mizuki!
8. What is your least favorite tennis move?
Don't really have one...
9. Who is your least favorite doubles pair?
The twins from Josie Shounan (however you spell that...)
10. What is your least favorite tennis game in the series (who vs. who)?
Tha match between Momo/kaidoh and shitenhojis comedy pair
11. Favorite pair (homosexual or straight)? Why?
RyomaXAnyone who cares for him xept sakuno don't like her
MomoshiroXAn: Momo needs someone so he can stop being like "ah. young love" like he's 50...
KamioXAn: They are so cute together. Kamio cares. That makes it adorible.
12. Least favorite pair (homosexual or straight)? Why?
RyoSaku don't like Sakuno
13. Any crack pairing/s?
14. Any weird pairing/s?
15. Favorite story arc (Kantou Tournament, Nationals)?
Nationals. But doesn't everyone?
16. Favorite catchphrase?
Yudan sezu ni ikou...
And Ryoma's 'mada mada dane'.
17. Favorite TeniMyu?
Dream Live 6
18. Least Favorite TeniMyu?
I don't have a least favorite. There all so funny. :)
Favorite TeniPuri Family and episode?
not really a fan of it
20. Least Favorite TeniPuri Family and episode?
21. Favorite Soundtrack?
22. Least Favorite Soundtrack?
23. Best Filler Episode?
Hm...the one with Seigaku playing bowling and we all see Fuji's weakness!
24. Crappiest Filler Episode?
Hm...I don't really have one.
II. TO BELIEVE OR NOT TO BELIEVE
1. Do you believe in the Ryoma/Sakuno Theory?
2. Do you think Atobe is gay?
In a way.
3. Is the Rikkaidai Captain the bottom in his 'relationship' with his Vice-Captain?
Not so sure bout that
4. Are all doubles players in love with their respective partners?
some of them
5. Is there any team that can beat Seigaku?
Yes! It's going to be Rikkai when the seniors leave!
6. Is Jirou a narcoleptic?
I bet ya he is.
7. Can Kabaji speak?
Sure he just chooses not to
8. Why is Sengoku 'Lucky'?
Maybe he thinks so...but he might be.
9. Does Dan like Akutsu?
Not in a whole 'lovey' way. More like brothers or like someone to look up to...
10. Does Horio really have 'two years of tennis experience'?
Yes, though I don't think he is talented
11. Is TeniMyu crap or just plain brilliant?
12. Is Fuji really in love with his buchou?
Not really. I don't believe it.
13. Should PoT be a shounen-ai anime?
I think I like it better the way it is You can always imagine the rest
III. CHOOSE ONE.
1. Seigaku, Rikkai, Hyotei, Rokkaku, Yamabuki, St. Rudolph, Fudoumine, Shitenhouji, St. Rudolph, Josei Shonan or Higa?
RIKKAI ALL THE WAY!
2. Golden Pair (Eiji/Oishi) or Silver Pair (Shishido/Ootori)?
3. Sakuno Ryuzaki or Ann Tachibana?
4. Sanada, Atobe or Tezuka?
5. MomoRyo or RyoSakuno?
RyoMomo if neither is no option
6. Royal (Atobe/Ryoma) or Imperial (Tezuka/Atobe)?
7. MomoRyo or KaidohInui?
KaidohInui if 'neither' is not an option.
8. Left-handed player or right-handed player?
9. Tango (Sanada/Atobe) or Waltz (Yukimura/Atobe)?
III. ANSWER THIS YOU SHALL
1. List all of the Characters you've fallen for.
Yukimura, Ryoma, tezuka, kirihara
2. List all the moves that you wished you could do.
Fuji's counters, split step, tannenhauser serve
3. Pick ONE character that you would like to meet in person.
4. Any crossovers in mind?
Prince of Tennis/HP Harry in a tennis club
5. Any lookalike in other anime?
6. Which tennis match showdown would you die to see?
Anyone that I haven't seen.
7. Any person you would like to have a match with?
Kirihara,Yukimura, Ryoma...though i'll fail epically
8. The schools you want to be a part of the tennis club.
9. What do you like about PoT?
The tennis matches and the players.
10. Why is PoT the best anime there is?
do i really have to give a reason?
11. If you could be any character in TeniPuri, who would you choose to be?
The Character Songs!
1. Your favorite Best Rival Player Album?
The one with Kiriharas song 'akakushimeru tsuki'
2. Your favorite singles?
'perfect game' by kamio
3. The characters in Tenipuri that you think have the most awesome voice?
4.Your favorite singing group?
When they sung for Tezuka at the camp thing
5. Your dream singing group?
A Rikkai singing group!
6. Your favorite seiyuus in Tenipuri?
Add Your Name in this List, if you used this survey:
icEbLuE20, Mitsukai20, xSadistxFujix, AniManGa19930, Fadey, Anime Alpha 14, EpitsuOnna, Magic Detective, blackshadow878, uchihaheir58
Girl: Do you ever think of me?
Girl: Do you like me?
Girl: Do you want me?
Girl: Would you cry if I left?
Girl: Would you live for me?
Girl: Would do you anything for me?
Girl: - Choose me or your life
Boy: My life
The girl flees in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says ...
The reason why you're never on my mind is, because you're always on your mind
The reason why I do not like you is because I love you.
The reason why I do not want you is because I need you.
The reason I would not cry if you left is, because I would die if you left.
The reason I would not live for you is, because I would die for you.
The reason why I am not willing to do you anything for you is, because I would do anything for you.
The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life
A man and a girl were speeding over 100 miles per hour on a motorcycle.
Girl: Slow down!
Guy: No, this is fun!
Girl: No, it is not! Please, it's so scary!
Guy: Then tell me that you love me.
Girl: I love you. Now slow down.
Guy: Now give me a big hug.
She gave him a big hug.
Guy: Can you take me off my helmet and put it on yourself? It bothers me.
In the newspaper the next day a motorcycle crashed into a building because of the non-compliance of the breaks.
Two people were on it and only one survived.
The truth was that halfway on the street recognized the man that his breaks didn't work and he did not want the girl to know.
Instead, he let her hug him and tell him she loved him one last time Then he had her put on his helmet so she would live even if it meant he would die.
If you would do the same for the person you love, copy this address in your profile.
This is a story about a little girl that was abused. If you care at all, copy and paste this into your profile:
My name is Sarah I am but three, My eyes are swollen I can not see, I must be stupid I must be bad, What else could have made My daddy so mad? I wish I were better I wish I were not ugly, Then maybe my mommy would still want to hug me. I can not speak at all I can not do a wrong Or else I'm locked up All the daylong When I awake I'm all alone The house is dark
My folks are not home. When my mommy does come I'll try and be nice, So maybe I'll get just One whipping tonight Do not make a sound! I just heard a car My daddy is back From Charlie's bar I hear him curse my name he calls I press myself against the wall. I try and hide from his evil eyes I'm so afraid now I'm starting to cry. He finds me weeping He shouts ugly words, He says it's my fault That he suffers at work. He slaps me and hits me
And yells at me more, I finally get free And I run for the door. He's already locked it and I start to bawl, He takes me and throws me against the hard wall. I fall to the floor with my bones nearly broken, spoken And my daddy continues With more bad words. "I'm sorry!" I scream but it's now much too late His face has been twisted into unimaginable hate.
The hurt and the pain Again and again Oh please God, have mercy! Oh please let it end!
And he finally stops and heads for the door, While I lay there motionless sprawled on the floor. My name is Sarah and I am but three, tonight my daddy, Murdered me.
Child abuse, MAKE IT STOP
Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school
He told his friends that it was cool
And when he pulled the trigger back
It shot with a great crack
Mummy I was a good girl
I did what I was told
I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold
But mummy when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye
I'm sorry mummy I had to go, but mommy please don't cry
When Johnny shot the gun he hit me and another
And all because he got the gun from his older brother
Mummy please tell daddy that I love him very much
And please tell Chris, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush
And tell my little sister that she is the only one now
And tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now
And tell my wonderful friends that they were always the best
Mummy I'm not the first I'm no better than the rest
Mummy tell my teachers I won't show up for class
And never to forget this and please don't let this pass
Mummy why'd it have to be me no one deserves this
Mummy warn the others, mummy I left without a kiss
And mummy tell the doctors I know they really did try
I think I even saw a doctor trying not to cry
Mummy I'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest
But mummy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest
Mummy I ran as fast as I could when I heard that crack
Mummy listen to me if you would
I wanted to go to college
I wanted to try things that were new
I guess I'm not going with daddy
On that trip to the new zoo
I wanted to get married
I wanted to have a kid
I wanted to be an actress
Mummy I wanted to live
But mummy I must go now
The time is getting late
Mummy tell my Chris
I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date
I love you mummy I always have
I know you know it's true
Mummy all I wanted to say is "mummy I love you"
In memory of every person lost in an gun rampage
Please if you would
Pass this around
I'd be happy if you could
Don't smash this on the ground
If you pass this on
Maybe people will cry
Just keep this in heart
For the people that didn't get to say "goodbye"
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal
pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a
rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't
mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer
be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl
mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling
was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!
If you could read that put it in your profile
When women triumph over stupid males... XD
Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together
Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."
Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book." Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you :
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
8118423151811 = 98
11141523125475 = 96
120209202145 = 100
2211212198920 = 103
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
1191911919199147 = 118
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and
Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass kissing that makes the job
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am the girl whose friends no longer let me hug them when I told them I was bisexual.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.
Re-post this if you believe homophobia is wrong. Please do your part to end it.
...because good things happen too:
I am the guy who came out to the entire school in his senior speech and got a standing ovation for his courage.
I am the girl who kisses her girlfriend on the sidewalk and laughs at those who glare.
We are the couple who planned and studied and got a damn good lawyer and BEAT the state that wanted to take our child away.
We are the ones who took martial arts classes and carry pepper spray and are just too dangerous to gay bash.
I am the transgender person who uses the bathroom that suits me, and demands that any complaining staff explain their complaint to my face in front of the entire restaurant--and shares with my other trans friends which restaurants don't raise a stink.
I am the mother who told her lesbian daughter to invite her girlfriend over for dinner.
I am the father who punished his son for calling you a fag.
I am the preacher who told my congregation that love, not hate, is the definition of a true follower of God.
I am the girl who did not learn the meaning of "homosexual" until high school but never thought to question why two men might be kissing.
I am the woman who argues (quite loudly and vehemently) with the bigots who insist that you do not have the right to marry or raise children.
We are the high school class who agrees, unanimously, along with our teacher, that love should be all that matters. I am the child who was raised going to gay marriages and civil unions, because my parents never taught me to hate.
I am making a difference. Hate will not win if we do not let it. If you agree, repost this.
1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, liposuction and air conditioning.
2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans...
Re-post this if you believe in legalizing gay marriage.
Stupid Racist People...
A black man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he was the only black man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him.
The white man said, "Coloured people are not allowed here."
The black man turned around and stood up. He then said:
"When I was born I was black,"
"When I grew up I was black,"
"When I'm sick I'm black,"
"When I go in the sun I'm black,"
"When I'm cold I'm black,"
"When I die I'll be black."
"But you sir..."
"When you're born you're pink,"
"When you grow up you're white,"
"When you're sick, you're green,"
"When you go in the sun you turn red,"
"When you're cold you turn blue,"
"And when you die you turn purple."
"And yet you have the nerve to call me coloured"
The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Copy this onto your site and help stop racism!
OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion, or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
100 Rules of Anime
The laws of Anime is a growing list of physical, universal, and natural
phenomenon that seem to appear in various forms in all sorts of anime. The original
intent was an effort to classify these incidents into a list of "laws" that
explained how Anime physics are different from our own (real?) world. It is our hope
that you find them useful to studying Anime, or at the very least, worth a good
#1 - Law of Metaphysical Irregularity- The normal laws of physics do not apply.
#2 - Law of Differential Gravitation- Whenever someone or something jumps, is
thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.
Some things have been known to "Float" for a few seconds before plummeting to hit
the ground, vehicle, or someone’s cranium.
#3 - Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics- In space, loud
sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.
#4 - Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion- In space, constant thrust
equals constant velocity.
#5 - Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion- The larger a
mechanical device is, the faster it moves, Armoured Mecha are the fastest objects
known to human science.
#6 - Law of Temporal Variability- Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero
whenever he does something "cool" or "impressive". Time slows down when friends and
lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.
#7 - First Law of Temporal Mortality- "Good Guys" and "Bad Guys" both die in one of
two ways - either so quick they don’t even see it coming, OR it’s a long drawn out
affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human
existence or why the toast always lands butter side down. NOTE: Sometimes, Anime
heroes or villains never really die! In these rare cases they were a clone or cyborg
and the real hero/villain’s suspiciously missing in "Malletspace", or something.
#8 - Second Law of Temporal Mortality- It takes some time for bad guys to die...
regardless of physical damage. Even when the "Bad Guys" are killed so quickly they
don’t even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is
attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.
#9 - Law of Dramatic Emphasis- Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are
depicted with either still frames or black screens with a slash of bright color
(usually red or white).
#10- Law of Dramatic Multiplicity- Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a
"Good Guy" kicks the "Bad Guy" in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3
#11- Law of Inherent Combustibility- Everything explodes. Everything.
First Corollary- Anything that explodes bulges first.
Second Corollary- Large cities are the most explosive substances known to
human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities,
sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".
#12- Law of Phlogistatic Emission- Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.
#13- Law of Energetic Emission- There is always an energy build up (commonly
referred to as an energy "bulge") before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because
of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the
Law of Inherent Combustibility.
#14- Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude- The destructive potential of any
object/organism is inversely proportional to its mass.
First Corollary- Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also
known as the A-Ko phenomenon.
#15- Law of Inexhaustibility- No one EVER runs out of ammunition. That is of
course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.
#16- Laws of Inverse Accuracy- The accuracy of a "Good Guy" when operating any form
of firearm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the
"Bad Guys" when operating firearms decreases when the difficulty of the shot
decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect) Example: A "Good Guy" in a
drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and
several battalions of "Bad Guys" firing on a "Good Guy" standing alone in the middle
of an open field will always miss.
First Corollary- The more "Bad Guys" there are, the less likely they will
hit anyone or do any real damage.
Second Corollary- Whenever a "Good Guy" is faced with insurmountable odds,
the "Bad Guys" line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a
single burst of automatic fire and then escape.
Third Corollary- Whenever a "Good Guy" is actually hit by enemy fire, it is
in a designated "Good Guy Area", usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm,
which restricts the "Good Guy" from doing anything more strenuous than driving,
firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex
martial arts maneuvers.
Fourth Corollary- The more times the "Bad Guy" fires, the fewer times he
#17- Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability- Minimei is a bimbo. (Note: The
Minority Opposition in Ohio disagrees and thinks all men who like this stuff needs
to get out more.)
#18- Law of Hemoglobin Capacity- the human body contains over 12 gallons of blood,
sometimes more, under high pressure.
#19- Law of Demonic Consistency- Demons and other supernatural creatures have at
least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown, but black is not
unknown, and can only be hurt by bladed weapons. Also, acid has been known to work
just as well...
#20- Law of Militaristic Unreliability- Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and
large war machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped
and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a
First Corollary- Whenever a single war machine (mecha, starship, etc.) goes
up against an entire army, the army always loses.
#21- Law of Tactical Unreliability- Tactical geniuses aren’t...
#22 -Law of Inconsequential Undetectability- People never notice the little
things... like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.
#23- Law of Juvenile Intellectuality- Children are smarter than adults. And almost
twice as annoying.
#24- Law of Americanthromorphism- Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles,
either as a really nasty skinny "Bad Guy" or a big stupid "Good Guy".
First Corollary- The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb
Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line
Second Corollary- The only people who are more stupid than the American
translators are the American editors and censors.
Third Corollary- Canadians are usually portrayed as smart, strong, handsome
#25- Law of Mandibular Proportionality- The size of a person’s mouth is directly
proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.
#26- Law of Feline Mutation- Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:
1) be female.
2) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation.
3) wear as little clothing as possible, if any.
#27- Law of Conservation of Firepower- Any powerful weapon capable of
destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and
used as a last resort.
#28- Law of Technological User-Benevolence- The formal training required to operate
a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.
#29- Law of Melee Luminescence- Any being displaying extremely high levels of
martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing
aura. This aura is usually blue for "Good Guys" and red for "Bad Guys". This is
attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.
#30- Law of Non-Anthropomorphic Antagonism- All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are
hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.
#31- Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability- Any color in the visible spectrum is
considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or
#32- Law of Follicular Permanence- Hair in anime is pretty much indestructible, and
can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical
abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone’s
hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!
#34- Law of Probable Attire- Clothing in anime follows certain predictable
guidelines: Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of
whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive
amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off
somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off aforementioned female’s clothes,
then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the
Gratuitous Shower Scene). Whenever there is a headwind, Male characters invariably
wear long cloaks that don’t hamper movement and billow out dramatically behind them.
First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability)- All anime characters are resistant to
extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow.
Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability)- Bikinis render the wearer
invulnerable to any form of damage.
Third Corollary (Probable Attire permanence)- The clothing on the hero is
indestructible. Their capes, robes, (and if they are girls,) skirts, dresses, bows,
or any loose clothing will just flap when they are in the middle of a fire or ice
attack... Unless it's a hentai. It is believed that the clothes are made out of
Anime Character hair. (re. Laws 32 & 48)
#35- Law of Musical Omnipotence- Any character capable of musical talent (singing,
playing an instrument, etc. Is automatically capable of doing much more "simple"
things, like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so
on... especially if they’ve never attempted these things before.
#36- Law of Quintupular Agglutination- Also called "The Five-man Rule", when "Good
Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic
positions, which are:
1) The Hero/Leader
2) His Girlfriend
3) His Best Friend/Rival
4) A Hulking Brute
5) A Dwarf/Kid
Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include:
1) Extreme Coolness
2) Amazing Intelligence
3) Incredible Irritation
#37- Law of Extradimensional Capacitance- All anime females have an
extrasdimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from
which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment’s notice. This mysterious
dimension is commonly called "Malletspace".
First Corollary (AKA The Hammer Rule)- The most common item stored is a
heavy mallet, costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.
#38- Law of Hydrostatic Emission- Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is
because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released
at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in
the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are
actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is
because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the
back of the head. When extremely stressed , embarrassed, or worried, this sweat
gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.
#39- Law of Inverse Attraction- Success at finding suitable mates is inversely
proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the
less you get and vice-versa.
First Corollary- Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real
#40- Law of Nasal Sanguination- When sexually aroused, males in Anime don’t get
erections, they get nosebleeds. No one’s sure why this is, though... the current
theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see
Law #38 above). Females don’t get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush
along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.
#41- Law of Xylolaceration- Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal
swords, if not sharper.
#42- Law of Juvenile Omnipotence- Always send a boy to do a man’s job. He’ll get it
done in half the time and twice the angst.
#43- Law of Triscaquadrodecophobia- There is no Law #43.
#44- Law of Nominative Clamovocation- the likelihood of success and damage done by a
martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of
the attack is announced (known as the Kamehameha effect).
#45- Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis- Regardless of how long or involved the
transformation sequence or how many times they’ve seen it before, any "Bad Guys"
witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to
#46- Law of Flimsy Incognition- Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy
mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.
#47- Law of Mandibular Combustible Emission- All anime characters seem to have some
unknown chemical on their breath that reacts VERY violently with extremely hot or
spicy food. This chemical may also be responsible for the phenomenon of fire behind
the eyes and from the mouth when a character (usually a female) is really angry.
#48- Law of Electrical and Combustible Survivalism- If you get electrocuted or
burned, YOU WILL SURVIVE!! Though your entire body will be scorched, seconds later,
your skin won’t have a trace of damage (Also known as the "Pikachu Effect").
First Corollary- When a magical bad guy/Alien/monster fires off a flame,
wind, or ice attack, the resulting effect is only enough for the hero(es)/heroine(s)
to be standing in the "Walking Against the Wind" stance, with his/her eyes shut and
letting out a pathetic "Aaaaagh!", and yet they are never harmed. This may be in
part to laws 32, 34 and sometimes 44.
#49- Law of Female wrath- If a male character insults a female character, he will
get a mallet, shotgun, or tank blast, or if she is a character that can perform
magical feats, a fireball or whatever, to the head, body or whatever (Also known as
the "Lina Inverse/Gourry Factor") This is because he always deserves it, and will
help him to cope in today’s society. (>Sniff Sniff
#50- Law of Artistic Perversion- Most (not all) Anime artists are perverts and are
under the impression that girls are willing to tear off their clothes, or wear VERY
small, revealing outfits at the drop of a pin (or pen for that matter).
Unfortunately, most Hentai fans are under the same impression.
#51- Law of Uninteruptable Nominative Clamovocation- This law is a mixture of Laws
44 and 45. Regardless of how long or involved the Spell or projectile attack is, and
the likelihood of success and damage done by the volume at which the full name of
the attack is announced, or how many times they’ve seen it before, any "Bad Guys"
witnessing a hero/heroine quoting the incantations for an extremely powerful attack
are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it. (Also known as the "Dragon Slave
52- Law of Telepathic Obliviousness- Most of the time, some Anime characters
(usually males) will think personal (Like that he/she has sabotaged something), or
perverted thoughts, while near some other character, WHO’S TELEPATHIC!! The reasons
for this are:
1) They forgot that the person is telepathic.
2) They just don’t give a damn.
The reasons the telepathic person doesn’t react are:
1) They’re preoccupied with doing something else.
2) They’d rather keep the fact to themselves that they are Telepathic.
3) They just don’t give a damn.
#53- Law of Chromatic Diversity- Air can be any color of the viewable spectrum.
#54- Law of Old Man Comic Relief- Comic relief comes in the form of a short, bald,
wise-mouthed dirty old man or alien. Or the combination of any two of those traits.
First Corollary- If old man is present, and is acting too horny, stupid,
etc., there will invariably be an old woman to whap him over the head with a frying
pan or something.
#55- Law of the Wise Old Man- Little old Japanese men always know how it ends and
withhold the ending from anyone, especially the hero. This includes special power
weapons, ancient relics, and people who know everything.
#56- Law of Omnipotent Unreliability- Any "Bad Guy" with Omnipotent powers/weapons
will never use those powers/weapons against the "Good Guy" until it is too late.
First Corollary- All "Bad Guys" suffer from Antagonistic Boasting Syndrome
which require all "Bad Guys" to threaten with or exemplify their prowess and not use
it against the "Good Guy".
Second Corollary- No "Bad Guy" may use any new, secret, or superior military
device without one of the following events occurring:
a) The control device being broken.
The control device being taken by the "Good Guy".
c) The control device is in fact not the real device at all and was just
"fooled" by the "Good Guy".
d) The "Bad Guy" has already lost and cannot use the device.
#57- Law of Minimum Corneal Volume- Eyeballs may make up no less than one sixth of
the face’s total surface area. More so if the case is a blonde woman.
#58- Law of Electrical Charges in Hair- Hair attracts electricity in abundance,
resulting in two outcomes:
a) A positive charge will result in the spikes-flying-everywhere-behind-me
A negative charge will result in the
#59- Law of Ammunition Accuracy- When there are multiple types of ammunition
available (paintballs, speaker pods), non-lethal rounds will always be more accurate
when compared to "standard" or lethal shots. (Macross Plus for paintballs, Macross 7
for speaker pods)
#60- Law of Active Female Attraction- In a comedy series, a male character’s
attractiveness to women is inversely proportional to how active they pursue them.
(Tenchi, Ranma, and Makoto OVA have a seemingly endless supply of willing
girlfriends despite their lack of romantic skill while Happosai, Ataru, and Carrot
couldn’t get a date despite or because of their constant attempts.)
#61- Law of Sweat Pore Variability- When a person is embarrassed, caught in an
awkward situation, or otherwise humiliated, all sweat pores on the body contract,
except for ones on the forehead. These pores expand to such a degree that a single
drop could fill a Big Gulp from 7-11.
#62- The Law of Inverse Training Time- A person who has been training for 3 years
is never as good as someone who has been training for one month.
#63- Law of Needs to Few and Many- The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the
few... of even the one.
#64- Law of Bad Humor- Whenever someone says something that is intended to be
funny, whether actually funny or not, the rest of the characters (even animals) fall
to the ground with their feet in the air. Sweat sometimes accompanies the fall.
(The sound of a cow mooing usually accompanies the joke as well.)
#65- Law of Extreme Anger- Whenever a female character gets mad, such as seeing the
male character with another girl, she becomes extremely strong (despite her usually
helpless look) so that she can lift a 1000 ton object to hurt the guy. She can
sometimes perform other punishments that are just as cruel such as pinching the
guy’s face so hard that it changes shape. (see law #49)
#66- Law of Differentiated Gravitation-
First Corollary- If the airborne entity exceeds an altitude equal or greater
than two times the height of the entity, gravity is decreased by an inverse
coefficient relative to the upward momentum and mass/weight (if within at least
500 km of any gravity source) of the entity "jumping".
Second Corollary- The amount of Newtonian "opposite force" (in accordance to
normal downward velocity; "Earth gravity" speed is equal to 32ft/sec/sec) is also
inversely proportional to the "actual" speed of the airborne entity. In all
actuality, an entity that appears to be flying towards a solid concrete parking lot
from space will actually land, producing an opposite force of approximately 1.73 lb.
of pressure. Unless this particular entity is a "Bad Guy". Then the law exhibits a
mysterious exponentially proportional Newtonian opposite force, thusly increasing
this variable by a factor equal to the inverse-gravity potential.
#67- Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any situation where the
Ambient Dramatic Tension increases, the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient must be
increased by a proportional amount to compensate. In any situation where this does
not happen, the "Bad Guy" inevitably comes out on top. However, this usually leads
to a further rise in the Ambient Dramatic tension, which will always be offset by
an exponential increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient.
#68- Law of Coercive Vehicular Control- No matter how complex or well defined the
control system, a character controlling a vehicle of any sort always does so through
means of undetectable subconscious psychokinesis.
First Corollary- Characters can perform actions with their vehicles which
clearly defy normal physics (see Laws of Metaphysical Irregularity and Constant
Thrust). The velocity, attitude and traction of the vehicle appear to be adjusted at
will, with the degree of absolute control being proportional to the complexity and
lethality of the maneuver.
Second Corollary- It is effectively impossible to remove characters from or
disrupt the passage of their vehicles without the character’s consent. This does not
always apply to "Bad Guy" characters, or "Good Guy" characters in situations where
the Ambient Dramatic Tension could increase in accordance with the Law of
Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension.
#69- Amendment to the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any
situation where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases without a corresponding
increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient, not only does the "Bad Guy" usually
come out on top, but also his Smugness Factor increases in proportion to the rise in
Ambient Dramatic Tension.
#70- Law of The Rushing Background Effect- Whenever something dramatic occurs, a
survival instinct engages, thus rendering all incoming stimulus that is not directly
and immediately to the dramatic situation at hand a meaningless blur. This is often
referred to as "The Rushing Background Effect". Due to the increase in brain
activity and adrenaline levels in the bloodstream, the scene is often played out in
#71- Law of Interdimensional Hammers- Whenever a female character witnesses a male
character of her preference performing any sort of questionable act (i.e. Looking at
another girl or anything she might construe as perverted) she can reach into an
interdimensional realm (usually behind her back) and withdraw a huge Anime Mallet of
Doom with which to whack the said male over the head with. (see Laws # 37, 49, and
#72- Law of Instant Band-Aids- Whenever a character is injured (usually in a head
shot, maybe from a mallet whack) Band-Aids will always instantly appear on the
wounded individual (and always in pairs, set in a cross fashion). These bandages
will then, most likely, disappear by the character’s next scene.
#73- Law of Universal Edge Defense- Any projectile attack, from a blast of magic to
a hail of bullets, can be easily defended against by holding a suitably cool-looking
sword or other bladed weapon between the attacker and defender, usually so that the
edge cuts into the incoming attack(s), causing both halves to go flying harmlessly
past the defender. Observed most often in fantasy and martial arts anime.
#74- Law of Intractable Sanity- There is no such thing as insanity in anime. When
faced with horrifying supernatural forces that would drive most men mad, anime
characters will either:
a) Die quickly (but in accordance with all other laws e.g., slowdown and
Get possessed by them, especially if they are beautiful girls or men in a
position to ravish beautiful girls, or
c) Kill them, wipe the blood off their blades, and walk on whistling.
#75- Law of Celestial Body Control- At a dramatically correct moment, a hero can
summon a sun/moon/halo to appear behind him/her to cause a dramatic silhouette.
#76- Law of Aura of Forgetfulness- Any hero who wishes his/her identity to remain a
secret will invariably succeed regardless of disguise because everyone around
him/her will forget everything. Otherwise, how does Sailor Moon keep her disguise?
#77- Law of Cool Hair Factor- The hair of a hero will always coalesce into thick
strands that drape his face into a dramatic fashion, regardless of wind, the
elements, etc. (see Laws 32 & 48)
#78- Law of Inverse Coping- Any single event will happen to the ONE character LEAST
capable of dealing with it.
#79- Law of Martial Arts Training Invulnerability- The Myth that certain martial
arts will enable you to become so strong, that you can stop a nuclear warhead with
your bare palm. Unfortunately, for most otaku, they found the hard way that it just
doesn’t work in real life...
#80- Law of Stereotype Captain characteristics- If a captain of any type of ship is
male, he will invariably wear a big captain’s cap, a long overcoat, and have a
shaggy beard and mustache (pipe optional), and be a great tactician. If the captain
is female, however, she will invariably be young, well endowed, and ditzy as a pole
(horny father optional). Yet, she too will be a great tactician.
#81- Law of Shades/Coolness Factor- Shades can make you instantly cool, even if
you’re normally a klutz.
#82- Law of Hentai Plot- The proper response to any change in the plotline of a
Hentai anime is to start having sex.
#83- Law of Understatement- Anything that is deemed too impossible will become
First Corollary- Any "Bad Guy" stating "T-that’s impossible!" whenever the
hero is accomplishing some new feat/move/projectile will find out too late that he
is wrong and will invariably be toastied.
#84- Law of Dormant Powers- Anytime a hero is somehow outpowered and/or outclassed
by the villain, he will invariably release powers/new moves he never knew he could
accomplish... but his old teacher did!
#85- Law of Style Coefficient- In a situation where a Good guy may be in dire
straits, he will become stronger, smarter and more cool in a matter of seconds. (see
Laws #67, 69, and 84)
#86- Law of Bad Guy Smugness Factor- Whenever the villain actually succeeds in
beating the hero, they will begin to gloat uncontrollably, because they’ve never won
against the "Good Guy" (because they’re Eeeviiil!!). They usually get so cocky, they
tie the hero to a conveyor belt leading to his doom and leave to get a snack.
Usually this results in:
a) The hero escaping.
Clean-up for the underlings.
c) The villain getting toastied.
#87- Law of Tableware Nonexistence- There IS no spoon.
#88- Law of Goofy Turn-Ons- In Hentai, ordinary , pedestrian objects sometimes have
the magical power of either inducing orgasm or arousal. Some include warm water,
rolling on a smooth tabletop, wind, mild electrocution, the character toweling
themselves after a bath/shower, and very cold objects... like bottles of 7-up.
#89- Law of Penile Variance- All Anime men in Hentai have a ridiculously large
penis (lengths of 8, 9, 10 and 11 inches are most common). Some even have ones the
size of telephone poles, despite the blood loss that would accompany it...
#90-Law of Hentai Female Characteristics- All Hentai women have the following
1) Very sensitive and/or very large breasts with large nipples.
2) Very tight and/or sensitive vaginas.
#91- Law of Vaginal Variance- Hentai Anime women can take penis lengths of 8" and
up... completely... despite the fact that they might have a tight and/or sensitive
#92- Law of Hero Identification- All heroes are introduced by way of appearance
while someone talking about their (in)famous-ness, or by way of a voice-over of them
#93- Law of Cute Mascots- Any anime either Shojo or Shonen has GOT to have at
least one cute, furry little mascot by penalty of death!
First Corollary- If it is a Shonen Anime, the hero will be accompanied by a
Dog, Cat or any kind of animal, real or fake, that would be found with a hero of the
male persuasion. Any animal that would be associated with girls that is following
him around is there because:
1) It’s his girlfriend’s.
2) It is following him, despite his insistence not to do so.
3) Chicks will dig him more.
Second Corollary- If it is a Shojo Anime, the heroine will be accompanied by
a cat, cute lil’ mouse, or some disgustingly cute monster, or any kind of animal,
real or fake, that would be found with a hero of the female persuasion. Any animal
that would be associated with guys that is following her around is there because:
1) It’s her boyfriend’s.
2) It is following her, despite her insistence not to do so.
3) It makes her look cool.
#94- Law of The Force- Most Anime heroes are blessed with a unique sort of ability
that enables bad things to happen to those that deserve it or makes things like
bullets or debris totally miss them (Also referred to as "Dumb Luck"), even though
they are mostly unaware of it. Those who have this ability include Vash the
Stampede, Captain Justy Ueki Tylor, and Jar Jar Binks.
#95- Law of Naughty Tentacles- All Anime Tentacles are VERY horny and will rape any
human female, regardless of age ("She’s 18! No! Really, she is! I’m not lying!...")
First Corollary- Even when raped or molested by tentacles, Hentai Anime
girls eventually get into it & begin squealing in ecstasy. NO one knows WHY this is,
but some theorize there may be some kind of chemical that is secreted through the
skin of the tentacle...
Second Corollary- Women who are impregnated by a tentacle creature never
experience morning sickness, and also find it to be intensely pleasurable (Also
known as the Goofy Meter Redline Effect).
Third Corollary- Similarly, the resulting... offspring of tentacle/human
relations is immediately sexually active, often impregnating its own mother again.
#96- Law of Cat-Fighting- Two females with a grudge can and will go at each other,
sometimes ripping off clothes. Sometimes it escalates so much, that property damage
begins to occur.
First Corollary- A running fight can be so destructive, you can follow it
from a distance just by watching for the smoke. (Also known as the "A-ko/B-ko
#97- Law of Healing- Most anime heroes have a Wolverine-like healing factor that
enables them to regenerate from a massive wound or broken bone within minutes. Being
immortal sometimes helps. (Also known as the "Priss Effect".)
#98- Law of Stereotype Crew Characteristics- All ships, either waterborne or
spaceborne, have the following crew members:
1) The captain
2) His Lieutenant
3) Various female technical staff
4) A hotshot pilot
5) A cute little girl/twins (either stowaways or not)
6) The Doctor
7) The Doctor’s assistant (either a spy or not)
Weighted among the crew are various quirks which include:
1) Extreme coolness/luck
2) Amazing Intelligence
3) Incredible irritation
4) Extreme cuteness
5) Irresponsible drunkenness
7) Emotionless (Idiots.)
#99- Law of Sparklies- Whenever a character of the main character’s interest
appears, flowers, sparkles, or abstract circles of pastel colors appear around said
character, or both. Roses with exaggerated thorns appear when it is dangerous love.
No one knows why this is, though most have a theory: Anime characters are freaks! At
least, Marker Apenname seems to think so...
#100- Law of Anime Events- Much like wrestling, anything and everything can happen
Kiss on the stomach--"lets have sex"
Kiss on the Forehead --"Forever you will be mine"
Kiss on the Ear --"I'm horny"
Kiss on the Cheek --"We're friends"
Kiss on the Hand --"I adore you"
Kiss on the Neck --"We belong together"
Kiss on the Shoulder --"I want you"
Kiss on the Lips --"I love you" OR "I want you"
Holding Hands --"We can learn to love each other"
Slap on the Buyott --"That's mine"
Playing with the Ear --"I can't live without you"
Holding on tight --"Don't let go"
Looking into each other's Eyes --"Don't leave me"
Playing with Hair on Head --"Tell me you love me"
Arms around the Waist --"I love you too much to let go"
Laughing while Kissing --"I am completely comfortable with you"
Zwei Monologe, die sich gegenseitig immer und immer wieder störend unterbrechen, nennt man eine Diskussion. (Charles Tschopp)
Whoever criticizes our generation has quite obviously forgotten who raised it."
"RAP = Retards Attempting Poetry" (I have nothing against rap music but I thought this was hilarious!)
I AM NOT CRAZY! My reality is just different than yours'.
'Heaven doesn't want me and Hell is afraid I'll take over.'
'Someday your Prince Charming will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.'
'Dear bed, I'm sorry I left you so early in the morning. I'm really regretting it...please take me back.'
'I like you. When I rule the world, your death shall be quick and painless.'
'Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.'
'Be optimistic. :) The people you hate will eventually die.'
You know what! Earth sucks, I’m going home!
Death is life's way of telling you you're fired."
Looking for a perfect girl? Go buy yourself a barbie doll.
The difference between Genius and Stupidity is that Genius is limited
It takes 47 muscles to frown, 17 to smile but it doesn't take any to sit there with a dumb look on your face.
Due to recent cutbacks and until further notice, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
I lay at my bed last night, counting the stars, and I thought to myself: Where the fuck did my ceiling go?!
Ever notice how DYING is at the end of STUDYING?
Nothing travels faster than light, with the possible exception of bad news, which follows its own rules
…didn’t need an excuse to go over to the Dark Side…
True Love has no happy ending, because True Love has no ending.
"True love is when you don't want to sleep because real life is so much better than a dream"
They keep saying the right person will come along... I think a truck hit mine!
Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it
There are three kinds of people:
those who make things happen;
those who watch things happen;
and those who don't know what the heck is happening."
Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
I hear voices and they don’t like you.”
“I know life is unfair, but could it at least be unfair in my favor?!”
There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest have to test the electric fence for themselves
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't!
I've gone to find myself. If I should return before I get back, please ask me to wait!
If aliens are smart enough to travel through space, then why do they abduct the dumbest people on earth ??
My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.
"I told my psychologist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet."
"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"
"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight."
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn
I'm not insensitive, I just don't care
"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak."
Never say 'Things couldn't get any worse.' God takes that as a personal challenge
True love isn't free, but i'd pay anything to have it
real life isn't full of happily ever afters, just bursts of happiness that don't last very long
The world is cruel... get used to it!
Not all scars fade, not all wounds heal.
If the world gives you lemons, you can make lemonade... or you can make a biologically engineered virulent air-born pathogenic virus that will wipe out the entire population of the planet, which would be a whole lot cooler.
Would you like a cookie? So would I.
Everyday I think people can't get any stupider. Everyday I am proven horribly wrong
-All sane people who worked here quit
-Everything is funny as long as it's happening to some one else
You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear.
Boy friend and boyfriend. A single space tells the difference-and its a big one.
No boy is worth crying over, and the one who is won't make you cry...
If you ever wished you could talk to animals or be an animal, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you want to learn Japanese, copy/paste this into your profile. (Already started)
If the opposite of 'pro' is 'con', then what's the opposite of 'progress'?
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.
The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.
Girls are like phones, they like to be held and talked to but if you press the wrong botton, you will be disconnected.
WHEN THE VERY FIRST MAN DISCOVERED THAT COWS HAVE MILK... WHAT DO YOU THINK HE WAS DOING??
I will temporarily rule the world, forever.
"I think, therefore I get a headache."
"I smile because I have no idea what's going on."
'So I'm in love with several fictional characters from books and 'cartoons', your point is?'
"Somehow, in some way that was all your fault."
Retreating! Hell no, we're just attacking the other direction!
I'm not afraid of Death. What's he going to do, kill me?
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
"Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, then the rest of our lives telling us to sit down and shut up."
-Your chances of getting struck by lightning go up if you stand under a tree, shake your fist at the sky and yell "Storms Suck"
-Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.
-When life gives you lemons, make apple juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it
-When life gives you lemons, throw them back and demand chocolate
-When life gives you lemons, dont tell anyone or they'll get jealous.
-When life gives you lemons, be happy that you're pretty.
-When life gives you lemons, throw them at the mean people and hope it gets them in the eyes
-If at first you don't succeed, burn all the evidence that you tried
-The only reason I talk to myself is because I'm the only one whose answer I accept
A vase is basically a flower torture device; you rip it from its home, put it in a small container and watch it die slowly
Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door...
In ancient times, cats were worshipped as gods. They have not forgotten this
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
A day without sunshine, is like, night.
According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
Behind every great woman is a man staring at her arse!
Let's play truth or dare! Or maybe just dare, because nobody seems to tell the truth anymore.
After all is said and done a hell of a lot more is said than done.
If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.
When I hear somebody say "Life is hard" I'm always tempted to ask "Compared to what?"
A wise man once said, “I don't know, go ask the women!"
When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
If all else fails, read the instructions.
Someday we'll look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
When in danger, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself.
Hand over the chocolate or I will sing.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.
Officer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!
Go hug a cactus!
Don't worry. When you have kids of your own, you forgive your parents.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps
Dear Heart, I met a boy today, prepare to shatter.
Practice makes perfect. But then, nobody is perfect, so why bother practicing?
God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made women.
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to these men?
Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic...
You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.
Boys are like trees, they take 50 years to grow up.
If you actually take the time to read other people's profiles, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you have ever stayed up and read past 4 in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you have ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you have ever copied and pasted something to your profile, copy and paste this to your profile.
Engineering: 'How will this work?' Science:'Why will this work?' Management: 'When will this work? Liberal Arts:'Do you want fries with that?
Death is God's way of saying you're fired. Suicide is humans way of saying you can't fire me, I quit
Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting
something right, there's a 90 percent probability you'll get it wrong.
If you have ever cried when your favorite character in a movie, T.V show, or book died, copy and paste this into your profile.
For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are.)
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm A LAWYER, so I MUST be boring and stuck-up.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals.
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore.
I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals.
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and thats how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO.
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited.
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy.
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas.
Im a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.
Im STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in a BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil.
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE so I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse
I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep
I'm SCOTTISH so I MUST have ginger hair and wear a skirts (It's actually called a kilt)
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE
I’m not the most POPULAR person, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy
I am AGAINST NUCLEAR POWER, so I MUST be a tree hugger.
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan.
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion.
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government sometimes, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be an OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.;))
I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish.
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times
I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, then burst into tears at one mistake
I DON’T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems
I like FIRE so I must be an arsonist.
I play VIDEO GAMES so I MUST be a LOSER. My favorite color is pink so must be a prep who worships BARBIE.
I'm into BDSM so I must be mentally disturbed, defected, imbalanced and must need to be hospitalized.
I'm a PANSEXUAL, so I MUST have a fetish for kitchenware.
I'm NOT RICH, so I MUST go WITHOUT
--But the Boys don't reach--
I was walking around in a store. I saw a cashier hand this little boy his money back saying
I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll."
Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?''
The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.''
Then she asked him to stay there for 5 minutes while she went to look around. She left quickly.
The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand.
Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.
"It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for this Christmas. She was so sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her."
I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus will bring it to her after all, and not to worry.
But he replied to me sadly. "No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there."
His eyes were so sad while saying this. "My sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.''
My heart nearly stopped."
The little boy looked up at me and said: "I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall."
Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me
"I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me."
"I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister."
Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.
I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. "What if we checked again, just in case you do have enough money?''
"OK" he said "I hope that I have enough." I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money.
The little boy said: "Thank you God for giving me enough money!"
Then he looked at me and added "I asked yesterday before I slept for God to make sure I have enough money to buy this doll so that mommy can give it to my sister. He heard me!''"I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.''
"My mommy loves white roses."
A few minutes later, the old lady came again and I left with my basket.
I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.
Then I remembered a local newspaper article: 2 days ago, which mentioned of a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car, where there was one young lady and a little girl.
The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-assisting machine, because the young lady would not be able to recover from the coma.
Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the newspaper that the young lady had passed away.
I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before burial.
She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.
I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed forever. The love that this little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.
Now you have 2 choices:
1) Repost this message.
2) Ignore it as if it never touched you. have a heart
Give you their umbrella when it rains
BEST FRIENDS: Takes your and yells, "RUN BITCH RUN!!"
Say Mr. and Mrs. to your parents
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents mom and dad!
Bail you out of jail
BEST FRIENDS: Sit next to you in a cell and say, "That was FUCKING AWESOME!"
FRIENDS: You never have alot of memories about them
BEST FRIENDS: Sits next to you 80 years from now in a rocking-chair and says, "You remember that one time...?"
FRIENDS:Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS:Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.
FRIENDS:Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS:Will kick the whole crowds butt that left you
FRIENDS:You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS:Already know not to tell.
FRIENDS:Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)
BEST FRIENDS:Are for life.
FRIENDS:Will comfort you when the guy rejects you
BEST FRIENDS:Will go up to him and say 'its because your gay isn't it?'
FRIENDS:Will be all like "Well you deserved better anyways!"
BEST FRIENDS: Will be prank calling him at 1 a.m making chicken noises
FRIENDS:Stops trying after theres a smile
BEST FRIENDS: Doesn't stop until the smile reaches the eyes
Calling me FAKE won't make you REAL.
Calling me STUPID won't make you SMART.
Calling me WEAK won't make you STRONG.
Calling me UGLY won't make you PRETTY.
Calling me POOR won't make you RICH.
Calling me FAT won't make you PERFECT.
Calling me UNCOOL won't make you COOL.
On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's just a suggestion!)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds with colds off those fork lifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)
On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..)
On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)
On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..)
On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)
On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)
On the back of a watch -- "For Best Results Use Other Side."
30 Good Reasons why GIRLS are always the BEST
1. We got off the Titanic first
2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.
6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.
7. Taxis stop for us.
8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
10. Free drinks, free dinners, free movies ... (you get the point).
11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.
12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.
13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
14. Its possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.
16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.
18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
19. We have ways of getting what we want easily.
20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.
21. If we act like a guy, we're called tough. But if a guy acts like a girl... well... who's the weakling now?
22. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
23. We have style.
24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.
25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.
26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
27. We'll never regret piercing our ears.
28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.
30. There's the saying "Ladies first."
REASONS TO JOIN THE DARK SIDE:
1.(Reason I joined) We have cookies (last I checked there was hot chocolate too)
2. Meet the recruitment bunny!
3. You get a cool dark cape that covers your whole body!
4. You get a really cool crazy laugh! Practice with me people: MWA HAHAHAHA cough cough!
5. You get to walk out of shadows mysteriously and freak out the good guy!
6. One word: UNDERLINGS! Someone to get things for you when you're too lazy to do them yourself... Now that's the life
7. Money Money Money : Ever notice that we are usually much richer than the good guys?
This is the recruitment bunny help him achieve world domination. Come join the dark side. (We have cookies)
BUNNIES KICK BUTT!
Many writers don't know the difference between 'your' and 'you're.' If you happen to understand this mundanely ridiculous fact, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you are obsessed with something considered childish for someone your age, copy this into your profile.
The Great Archives determine you to have gone by the identity:
Empress of Drac
Known in some parts of the world as:
Poison of The Highway Thieves
The Great Archives Record:
Takes more than gold from the rich on the highway - takes blood too.
Get your Vampire name on:
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
You know your obsessed with fanfiction when . . .
You get confused between the actual story and the fanfic about it
That you spent more time writing the fanfic than actually watching/reading/playing the thing your writing for
You make fanfiction for other people's fanfiction
You probably read a fanfic that was longer that the actual book
When u read a m rated fanfic, then read a romance novel claiming to have a harsh sex scene and your like "I've read better sex scenes written by a 12 year old"
When you get excited that your friend also has an account
When you got disappointed when you read/watch/play something new and it wasn't on fanfiction
When your computer doesn't have internet and you need something to do and you say "lets read some fanfics" but then realize that's on the internet then get mad
When you have more than one account.
Reviews on your fic can turn the suckiest week of your life and turn them into the best flippen dipped week u ever lived through
When you feel all proud how your favorite category has one of the highest amounts of stories written
When you someplace random and randomly come up with ideas for fanfic for no reason
When you daydream bout a fanfic and plan it out all in your head, even wondering what people will say about it and if there are any flaws before you have the first chapter written yet
When you write a fanfic and end up handing it in at school/college as an essay of some kind
When you confuse fanfiction with real life...
When you have read this list
When you have read this list and thought of additions to it
YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF...
You talk to yourself a lot.
You talk to yourself about talking to yourself.
When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else.
After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow,this stuff is great for sugar highs...'
You live off of sugar and caffeine.
You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then disappear off the face of the earth.
You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.
When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.
No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.
The letters on your keyboard are wearing off.
You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense.
You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason
Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.
You have strange nicknames and can tell a detailed story about how you got them.
What a guy means, when he says some stuff-
"You know how bad my memory is!”
"I remember the theme song to 'F Troop,' the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned…but I forgot your birthday."
“Oh, don’t fuss, I just cut myself, it’s not big deal.”
"I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."
“Take a breath honey. You work too hard.
"I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"It‘s a guy thing"
"There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
"Can I help with dinner?"
"Why isn't it already on the table?"
"It would take too long to "
"I have no idea how it works."
"I cant find it."
"It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
Notice how all our problems began with MEN
Behind every beautiful girl there’s a dumb guy who did her wrong & made her strong
I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse!
Remeber your History because it has a way of repeating itself.
In remembrance to all the soldiers who fought and died for their country