Author has written 3 stories for Harry Potter, and Twilight.
/profile revamp in progress
Really dumb blond jokes
This blonde is driving down an old country road when she spots another blonde in a wheat field rowing a boat.
She pulls over to the side of the road and stops the car. Staring in disbelief, she stands at the side of the road to watch the woman for a while.
When she can't stand it any more, she calls out to the blonde in the field,
The blonde in the field stops rowing and responds, 'Because it is an ocean of wheat.'
The blonde standing at the side of the road is furious. She yells at the blonde in the field,
'It is dumb blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name.'
The blonde in the field just shrugs her shoulders and begins rowing again.
The blonde on the side of the road is beside herself and shakes her fist at the blonde in the field yelling,
Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks.
The first blonde said, 'These look like deer tracks,'
They argued and argued for a quite while and they were still arguing when the train hit them.
One day this blonde calls her friend and says,
Her friend asks, 'What is it a puzzle of?'
The blonde says, 'From the picture on the box, it's a tiger.'
Well, the friend figures that he's pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She lets him in the door and shows him to where she has the pieces spread all over the table.
He studies them for a moment, then studies the box.
He turns to her and says, 'Well, no matter what I do, I'm not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of that tiger.'
She asks, 'Oh, how come?'
He says, 'Look, never mind, let's just relax, have a cup of coffee and we'll put all these cornflakes back in the box.'
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.
How do you drown a blonde?
Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one?
How do you get a twinkle in a blonde's eye?
Why don't blondes like making Kool Aide from sachets?
Did you bear about the two blondes that were found frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theatre?
Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
Why do blondes have 'TGIF' written on their shoes?
Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?
How can you tell when a blonde sends you a fax?
What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
How can you tell if a blonde has been using your computer?
Why shouldn't blondes have coffee breaks?
Three blondes were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car for four hours they finally saw a sign that said 'Disneyland Left' so they turned around and went home.
A brunette, redhead and blonde went to a fitness spa for some fun and relaxation.
After a stimulating healthy lunch, all three decided to visit the ladies' room and found a strange-looking woman sitting at the entrance who said, 'Welcome to the ladies' room. Be sure to check out our newest feature: a mirror which, if you look into it and say something truthful, you will be awarded with a wish. But, be warned, if you say something false, you will be sucked into the mirror to live in a void of nothingness for all eternity!'
The three women quickly entered and upon finding the mirror, the brunette said, 'I think I'm the most beautiful of us three' and in an instant she was surrounded by a pile of money.
The redhead stepped up and said, 'I think I'm the most talented of us three,' and she suddenly found the keys to a brand new Jaguar in her hands.
Excited over the possibility of having a wish come true, the blonde looked into the mirror and said, 'I think...' and was promptly sucked into the mirror. (Ha, my fave)
The police department, famous for its superior canine (K-9) unit, was somewhat taken back by a recent incident.
Returning home from work a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burgled. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels and a K9 unit patrolling nearby was the first on the scene.As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash the blonde ran out onto the porch, clapped a hand to her head and moaned, 'I come home from work to find all my possessions stolen, I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send a blind policeman!'