Author has written 1 story for Harry Potter.
My favorite books are Harry potter and Havemercy and My favorite shows are NCIS and Criminal Minds and white collar
My imaginary friend says you have issues.
I hear voices and they don't like you.
Stupidity killed the cat. Curiousity was framed.
OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE (taken from celestial beauty's page)
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods...
On Sears hairdryer:
On a bag of Fritos:
On a bar of Dial soap:
On some Swann frozen dinners:
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
On Nytol sleep aid:
On a Korean kitchen knife:
On a string of Christmas lights:
On a food processor:
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
On a Swedish chainsaw:
On a child's Superman costume:
Life can only be understood backwards but it must be lived forwards
Our greatest glory consists not in never falling but in rising every time you fall
Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game
Life isn't measured by the number of breaths we take but by the number of moments that take our breath away
I was born intelligent but education ruined me
Inside every old person there's a young one-wondering what the heck happened
Men, chocolate and coffee are all better rich
It is better to have loved and lost than to have not loved at all
The brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all
Hope is never lost, only found
"Be very careful if you make a woman cry, because God counts her tears. Woman came out of a man's rib. Not from his feet to be walked on. Not from his head to be superior. But from the side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected. And next to the heart to be loved..."
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up
People may not remember what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel
Few woman admit their age; fewer men act it.
Always give 100 at work: 12 on Monday, 23 on Tuesday, 40 on Wednesday, 20 on Thursday, and 5 on Friday.
If you're not living on the edge you're taking up to much space.
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house faster then the police do.
We learn from history that we do not learn anything from history.
20 ways to maintain a healthy level of insanity:
1: At lunch time, sit in you car with sunglasses on and point a hair dry at passing cars; see if they slow down
2: Page yourself over the intercom. Do not disguise your voice.
3: Every time some one asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that
4: Put you garbage can on your desk and label it "IN"
5: Put decaf in the coffee maker (home or work). When everyone gets over their caffeine addiction, switch to espresso
6: In your memo book, on all your checks, put "FOR SMUGGLING DIAMONDS"
7: Finish all your sentences with "In Accordance To The Prophecy"
8: Dont use any punctuation
9: As often as possible, skip instead of walking
10: Order diet water whenever you go out with a serious face
11: Specify that your drive-thru order is "TO GO"
12: Sing along at the opera
13: Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme
14: Put mosquito netting around your work area (or room) and play tropical sounds all day
15: 5 days in advance, tell your friend that you can't go to their party cause you don't 'feel like it'
16: Have friends or coworkers address you by your wrestling name "Rock Bottom"
17: When the cash comes out of the ATM yell, "I WON, I WON"
18: When exiting the zoo, start running toward the parking lot, yelling, "Run for your lives they're loose"
19: Tell your children (or younger sibling) that "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go"
20: And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity is... Copy this and put it on your profile!