MimiBentley
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Joined 06-20-09, id: 1977538, Profile Updated: 06-19-10
Author has written 1 story for Twilight.

A True Boyfriend!

When she walks away from you mad
Follow her
When she stare's at your mouth
Kiss her
When she pushes you or hit's you
Grab her and dont let go
When she start's cussing at you
Kiss her and tell her you love her
When she's quiet
Ask her whats wrong
When she ignore's you
Give her your attention
When she pull's away
Pull her back
When you see her at her worst
Tell her she's beautiful
When you see her start crying
Just hold her and dont say a word
When you see her walking
Sneak up and hug her waist from behind
When she's scared
Protect her
When she lay's her head on your shoulder
Tilt her head up and kiss her
When she steal's your favorite hat
Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night
When she tease's you
Tease her back and make her laugh
When she doesnt answer for a long time
reassure her that everything is okay
When she look's at you with doubt
Back yourself up
When she say's that she like's you
she really does more than you could understand
When she grab's at your hands
Hold her's and play with her fingers
When she bump's into you
bump into her back and make her laugh
When she tell's you a secret
keep it safe and untold
When she looks at you in your eyes
dont look away until she does
When she misses you
she's hurting inside
When you break her heart
the pain never really goes away
When she says its over
she still wants you to be hers
When she repost this bulletin
she wants you to read it -
Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything.-
When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go-
When she says she's ok dont believe it, talk with her-
because 10 yrs later she'll remember you-
Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her-
Call her before you sleep and after you wake up-
Treat her like she's all that matters to you.-
Tease her and let her tease you back.-
Stay up all night with her when she's sick.-
Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.-
Give her the world.-
Let her wear your clothes.-
When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.-
Let her know she's important.-
Kiss her in the pouring rain.-
When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is;
"Who's butt am I kicking, Sweet??"
If you post this in the next five minutes the one you love will :
Call you.
Kiss you.
Love you.
Text you.
Guys post as: "i'd be this boyfriend."
Girls post as: "A true boyfriend " or " what a boyfriend should do"

A teenage girl about 17 had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year.

She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.

As she walked along under the tall elm trees, she asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger.

When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it.

However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her.

She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection.

Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her.

When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.

The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there.

Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to cry.

Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station.

She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story.

The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him.

She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before.

When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed.

The officer thanked her for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her.

She asked if they would ask the man one question.

She was curious as to why he had not attacked her.

When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her."

You're never alone...

93 Percent Of the people who read this won't repost it.

Don't be one of those people.

Believe in God and he'll always be there to protect you.

Try Not To Cry:

Mommy...Johnny brought a gun to school,

He told his friends that it was cool,

And when he pulled the trigger back,

It shot with a great, huge crack.

Mommy, I was a good girl, I did what I was told,

I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold!

When I went to school that day,

I never said good-bye.

I'm sorry that I had to go, But Mommy, please don't cry.

When Johnny shot the gun, he hit me and another,

And all because Johnny, got the gun from his brother.

Mommy, please tell Daddy; That I love him very much,

And please tell Zack; my boyfriend; That it wasn't just a crush.

And tell my little sister; That she is the only one now,

And tell my dear sweet grandmother; I'll be waiting for her now

And tell my wonderful friends; That they always were the best

Mommy, I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest

Mommy, tell my teachers; I won't show up for class,

And never to forget this, And please don't let this pass

Mommy, why'd it have to be me? No one, though. deserves this.

But mommy, it's not fair, I left without a kiss.

And Mommy tell the doctors; I know that they really did try

I think I even saw one doctor, trying not to cry.

Mommy, I'm slowly dying, with a bullet in my chest,

But Mommy please remember, I'm in heaven with the rest

When I heard that great, big crack, I ran as fast as I could

please listen to me if you would,

I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new

I guess I'm not going with Daddy, On that trip to the new zoo

I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid,

I wanted to be an actress, I really wanted to live.

But Mommy I must go now, The time is getting late,

Mommy, tell my Zack, I'm sorry to cancel the date.

I love you Mommy, I always have, I know you know its true

And Mommy all I need to say is, "Mommy, I love you"

In Memory of The Columbine & Virginia Tech Students Who Were Lost

Please if you would,
Don't smash this on the ground.

If you pass this on,

Maybe people will cry,

Just keep this in your heart,

For the people who didn't get to say "Good-bye".

Now you have 2 choices,

1) Pass this on, and show people you care, repost as
"Try Not To Cry"
2) Don't send it, and you have just proven how
cold-hearted you really are..

~They Hurt Her~

About six years ago in Indiana, Carmen Winstead was pushed down a sewer opening by five girls in her school, trying to embarrass her in front of her school during a fire drill. When she didn't submerge, the police were called. They went down and brought up 17-year-old Carmen Winstead's body, with her neck broken from hitting the ladder, then the concrete at the bottom. The girls told everyone she fell... They believed them.

FACT: About two months later, 16-year-old David Gregory read this post and didn't repost it. When he went to take a shower, he heard laughter, started freaking out, and ran to his computer to repost it. He said goodnight to his mom and went to sleep, but five hours later, his mom woke up in the middle of the night from a loud noise and David was gone. A few hours later, the police found him in the sewer, with a broken neck and the skin on his face peeled off.

Even Google her name - you'll find this to be true.

If you don't repost this saying "They hurt her," then Carmen will get you, either from a sewer, the toilet, the shower, or when you go to sleep, you'll wake up in the sewer, in the dark, then Carmen will come and kill you

Month one

Mommy
I am only 8 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat
is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two

Mommy
today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three

You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too
and I cry with you even though
you can't hear me.

Month Four

Mommy
my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine
but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five

You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six

I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven

Mommy
I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .

One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

If you're against abortion, re-post this and if you almost cried post this in your profile(p.s I am agaist an abortion for my self and dislike them alot but I still think that its the person own choice!So I won't scream at you for it but I'll be there for your choice and be a true frien.But I'll also cry for the baby in my own time so you don't feel guilty if I do it in front of you)

TO EVERY GUY
To every guy that's said, "Sex CAN wait"
To every guy that's said, "You're beautiful."
To every guy that was never too busy to drive across town to see her.
To every guy that gives flowers and a card when she is sick.
To every guy who has given her flowers just because.
To every guy that said he would die for her.
To every guy that really would.
To every guy that took time to do what she wanted to do.
To every guy that she cried in front of.
To every guy that holds hands with her.
To every guy that kisses her with meaning.
To every guy that hugs her when she's sad.
To every guy that hugs her for no reason at all.
To every guy who would give their jacket up for her.
To every guy that calls to make sure she got home safe.
To every guy that would sit and wait for her for hours
just to see her for ten minutes.
To every guy that would give his seat up.
To every guy that just wants to cuddle.
To every guy no mathat reassured her that she was beautiful
no matter what.
To every guy who told his secrets to her.
To every guy that tried to show how much he cared
through every word and every breath.
To every guy that thought maybe this could be the one.
To every guy that believed in her dreams.
To every guy that would have done anything
so she could achieve them.
To every guy that never laughed at her
when she told him her dreams.
To every guy that walked her to her car.
To every guy that gave his heart.
To every guy who prays that she is happy
even if you are not with her.

...This one is for you...

Apparently not many girls appreciate nice guys anymore...
And because of this, there are not many left out there...
They're mostly Dicks.
I guarantee 90 of the dudes reading this don't have the balls to put it up 'cause it's all about image.
If you are a nice guy repost this with "We're a Dying Breed"
If you are a girl that thinks every guy should treat a girl this way
repost this with: "To Every Guy

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over air, copy and past this into your profile

If you have ever tripped UP stairs, copy and paste this into your profile

If there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it copy this into your profile.

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time like ME, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!

Only crazy people can understand the brilliance of crazy things. If you are crazy and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile!

If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similar, copy this into your profile

Copy and paste this on your profile if you're a true Twilighter/Fanpire/etc

If you've ever fallen asleep around 2 am reading Twilight , New Moon, and/or Eclipse, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile. (Lucky is just a normal leprechaun who wants his cereal)

If you think Fred should just let Barney have the freakin' Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, then copy and paste this in your profile.

If you have ever read a 250 pg + book in less than one day, copy and paste this into your profile.

Can you raed tihs? Olny srmat poelpe can. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. If you can raed tihs cpoy and ptsae.

Wowlookatthisimtypingthisveryoddlinebreakifyoucanreaditcopyandpasteyousmartperson.

If you've ever felt like something was watching you and then turned around to find nothing, copy and paste this into your profile.

I hate pop-ups. If you hate all the ads popping up while you're trying to read some story, copy this into your profile.

YOUR REAL NAME:

Ashley

2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (first 3 letters of real name plus izzle):

Ashizzle(Lmao to da extreme)

3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (fav color and fav animal):

Hot-Pink Wolf(love it!)

4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name and current street name):

Nicole Danube(not the best but not the worst)

6. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite drink):

Lavender Coke(one word wtf?!)

7. YOUR ARAB NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your moms maidenname, 3rd letter of you dads middle name, 1st letter of a siblings first name, last letter of your moms middle name):

Sniondy(LOL)

8. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mothers middle name):

Kay(not jking kay!lol I'm so lame! EPIC FAIL!)

9.Your Star Wars name(first three letters of your last name,first two letters of your first):

Benas(again WTF?!)

10. YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one your pets):

Black Nala or Black Duchess(couldn't decide both are cool!lol)

16 ways to maintain a Healthy level of insanity.

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars, see if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4. Put a garbage can on your desk and label it “IN”

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone is over their Caffeine addictions, switch to expresso.

6. Finish all your sentences with “In Accordance to the Prophecy”.

7.Don’t use any punctuation.

8. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

9. Specify that your drive thru order is “To Go”

10. Sing Along at the Opera

11. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don’t rhyme.

12. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.

13. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream “I WON I WON!!”

14. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling “Run for your lives, they’re loose!!”

15. Tell your children over diner, “Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.”

16. Send this to your friends to make them smile, It’s called therapy.

This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her in the ground when she was still alive. The murderer chanted,"Toma sota balcu" as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this in your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded

10 Commandments of a Teenager

1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
(why wait that long)
2) Thou shall not do drugs.
(alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.)
3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart.
(Walmart has a bigger selection)
4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.
(destruction has a bigger effect, I can tell you all about this)
5) Thou shall not steal from your parents.
(everyone knows grandma has more money)
6) Thou shall not get into fights.
(Cat fight anyhow...just start them.)
7) Thou shall not skip class.
(just take the whole day off)
8) Thou shall not strip in class.
(Hooters pays more)
9) Thou shall not think about having sex.
(like Nike says, "just do it")
10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street.
(just leave'm in the middle)

went to a party,
And remembered what you said.
You told me not to drink, Mom,
so I had a sprite instead.
I felt proud of myself,
The way you said I would,
that I didn't drink and drive,
though some friends said I should.
I made a healthy choice,
And your advice to me was right.
The party finally ended,
and the kids drove out of sight.
I got into my car,
Sure to get home in one piece.
I never knew what was coming, Mom,
something I expected least.
Now I'm lying on the pavement,
And I hear the policeman say,
the kid that caused this wreck was drunk,
Mom, his voice seems far away.
My own blood's all around me,
As I try hard not to cry.
I can hear the paramedic say,
this girl is going to die.
I'm sure the guy had no idea,
While he was flying high.
Because he chose to drink and drive,
now I would have to die.
So why do people do it, Mom
Knowing that it ruins lives?
And now the pain is cutting me,
like a hundred stabbing knives.
Tell sister not to be afraid, Mom
Tell daddy to be brave.
And when I go to heaven,
put ' Mommy's Girl' on my grave.
Someone should have taught him,
That it's wrong to drink and drive.
Maybe if his parents had,
I'd still be alive.
My breath is getting shorter,
Mom I'm getting really scared
These are my final moments,
and I'm so unprepared.
I wish that you could hold me Mom,
As I lie here and die.
I wish that I could say, 'I love you, Mom!'
So I love you and goodbye.

You know you're obsessed with Twilight if... You start going up to random people to tell them you want an Edward! You think your next door neighbor looks like a vampire, or he really is a vampire. You try to control your thoughts because Edward might hear them. You've read Twilight and New Moon at least 5 times each! You check on this site 5 times (or more) a day to see if there's any new Twilight news. You think your best friend's crazy for not reading Twilight or New Moon. You give your teachers Twilight and/or New Moon for Christmas. When you see a box labeled "Forks" at a restaurant you think there's something imported from Forks, Washington in there. Twilight has ruined any and all future reading for you. You use Twilight for every single school project that pops up. You break up with your boyfriend because he doesn't glitter in the sun like Edward does. You watch the show Moonlight and imagine Beth as Bella and Mick as Edward. Submitted by fans: You know you're obsessed with Twilight if... You get so excited when you see somebody else reading it, you have to talk to them even if you don't know them Almost every conversation you have with your friends leads back to the ever lasting Edward vs Jacob debate You get so mad at Edward for not just changing her into a vampire already you slam the book shut and throw it on the ground You then have to pick it up again seconds later, just to finish the epilogue Your friend finally decided to read it, just so she could keep up with the conversations Your guy friend hasn't read the books but has heard you talk about Edward Cullen so much, he despises him with a loathing passion that he brings up almost as much as you bring up the series You got so mad when your mom's friend didn't return the book right away after you lent it to her, you had to go get it from the library Your mom calls Edward Anthony and you wont speak to her for 3 days (actually true) You have and entire notebook for the Twilight series (I have one, complete with playlist, quotes, fan art, and fan fiction) You have categorized your friends into Twilight characters, replacing everyone but Edward (Face it: No one but Edward can be like Edward) Your favorite font on your computer is Edwardian Script You go to a relative’s house for the holidays, only to refuse to socialize until you have finished the book in the series you are on You stop asking to go to the beach on vacation, and instead ask to visit Denli to look for Tanya and the Cullens You ask your boyfriend to dye his hair “bronze” When you get all freaked and worked up cause your substitutes name is Mrs. Cullen and wonder is she has a son or relative named Edward. When you dec your myspace out in Twilight stuff and quotes! Your parents make you angry by trying to change Edward's name to Eddy or the Edmister Your science teacher knows your boyfriend is giving you Eclipse for your birthday While waiting for your boyfriend to give you Eclipse for your birthday, you cheated and went to the school book fair multiple times to read it and got to page 147. At the book fair your science teacher came up and said you couldn't just sit there reading the book, especially since you weren't supposed to have it yet, so you stood up and read it walking around instead. In art class you are making wood sculptures and you make a mountain lion because of Edward While making the sculpture, you talk the entire period using only quotes from Twilight You keep a dry erase board in your room and have a daily quote from Twilight,New Moon, or Eclipse You don't talk at lunch because you are too busy reading. You are considering taking a picture of your friend's hair and sending it to the makers of the Twilight movie,saying that they should mimic it exactly for Edward's hair color. You love Edward more than your boyfriend The back of your notebook cover is absolutely covered in quotes from Twilight and you are upset because you cannot continue on the inside of the cover because the pencil won't show up You no longer sleep on a normal pillow, but on one that has arms because it sort of feels like Edward holding you You kiss a wall and pretend it is Edward. On the back of your music for chorus, you create acrostic poems for Edward Cullen Your friend (who hasn't read the books) knows enough about Edward that when you are stuck for the second "D" she gives you the word dangerous. When your grandmother came to visit, you read her all of Twilight out loud in 6 days When playing luck games or games with dice, before rolling or spinning you say " I am betting on Alice." You have a eclipse poster, a flower a red ribbon, and a drawing of Edward and Bella taped to the side of your dresser. You have smelled your copy of Eclipse and you think it smells good You wore a tight fitting black turtleneck to school and when your friend asked why you were so happy and why you liked it so much you said it was because it made you feel "vampirey" You and your friend fantasize about being vampires While reading, you constantly look at your picture of Edward When you are in your room, you wake up your computer so you can look at your wallpaper When your boyfriend dumps you, you are okay with it because now you can focus on Edward When your father asks you what you are doing when you go upstairs to read, you say you are "going to spend some time with Edward." On the bus, you are known for being capable of reading 2 pages of Eclipse in 1 minute, then being able to complete the sentence off the pages. It doesn't bother you in the slightest that on the bus everyone calls you the book freak. You are proud of the title You doodle "I Love Edward" all over your hands and arms with sharpies not caring that when you write on your self you get ISS (in school suspension) You won't let you own mother read the books, even though you keep talking about them to her. Someone asks you what you want for Christmas and you reply, "Edward Cullen please!" You're in the car and stare out the window looking for a silver Volvo or an old red truck (maybe even a yellow Porsche) You're on a walk and you notice that your hands are kind of white and grin but when they return to regular color you feel like crying You didn't talk to your mom for three days because she thought that the whole vampire thing was overdone Your cousins get mad at you every time you see them because you won't stop talking about the Twilight series Every night you wonder what Edward is doing and then get sad because you know that he is with Bella Your friends get mad at you because you won't stop talking about the Twilight series when you're supposed to be working on a group project You write Twilight quotes all over your math notebook Your teacher yells at you for talking when you were discussing how hot Edward is with you friend who is also obsessed with The Twilight series You describe Edward, Jasper, and Emmett to your cousins and ask them which one they would actually date ( I didn't tell them it was from Twilight though) Your cousins ask you to describe what your 'dream date' looks like in you mind you describe Edward and then add that Edward isn't your dream date, he's your future husband You and your also obsessed friend talk about how hot Edward is so much that a boy in your class hears and asks who Edward is and you reply "He's only the hottest man on earth" then add "Well, not exactly, but he is very close" trying not to say that Edward is a vampire. You kiss the cover of your book copies and tell everyone that they are your bibles You growl at anyone who touches your books You talk to the books in attempt to get a response from Edward You think about all the ways your boyfriend isn't like Edward and you get mad You cry because you don't have an Edward in your life Going to the bathroom for any reason is now called having a "human moment." You're saving money so you can take all your friends to see the movie You've named your puppy Isabella Rose Your mom has to remind you that the book is fiction You still think Twilight is real You get into fist fights with your little brother over what a real vampire is To make up to your brother you watch Vampire Secrets on the history channel and laugh at the company's stupidity You plan on buying a motorcycle You plan on going to Washington U Your mom takes away your books She grounds you from all things vampire You just go borrow your friends You recomend Twilight to the school librarian (Whom you babysit for) to get the books You have full fledged conversations and arguments over the books with said libarayian You let your Lit. teacher borrow your copy of Eclipse Your classmates make fun of you and said teacher for being so obsessed Everyone in school knows that you'll let them borrow your copy of the books You got your Nana and Aunt hooked You got your copy of Eclipse the day it came out You clean off the chair in your bedroom so Edward can have a place to sit(it is a rocking chair so that kinda makes me wonder) You refer to your friends as Alice, Jessica, etc. Your friends refer to you as Bella You get into arguments with a friend about whom is more Bella ish You win the argument by saying that since you're a veggitarian you only have to right to be in love with other veggitarians And since you are squimmish enought to puke at the sight of blood. are clumsy enough to somehow get your hair stuck in a window, and have brown hair instead of red you only fit the character perfectly You make fun of people because they haven't read the book You're driving around, distracted from thinking about Edward, run a red light and get side swiped. You and your boyfriend (who's is kinda jealous of Edward) plan a trip to Forks, Washington, hoping that there will be an Edward there for you. When your screen-name has something to do with Twilight. You and three other friends decide your going to morph into one and become Bella and go find your Edward. (true story!) You have gotten your teachers reading the Twilight series, and saying Edward's hot. (all the teachers are married!) Your mom read twilight and said it wasn't anything special, so you yell at her when she won't read new moon or eclipse. (this really happened) You and your friends favorite quote is "I do love me some Edward!" Your mad at your family when they won't let you name your new kitten Edward Cullen. You don't want them to make a Twilight movie, because all the Cullens (especially Edward) won't be even close to their true perfection. You check this list every day to see if new things were added. You forced a male friend into reading Twilight by threatening to turn him into a girl and put a video of it on YouTube. You nearly kill said male friend for calling the book boring, normal, and too descriptive. You and your friends are in a current feud over who gets Edward. You then decide to try to get rid of your obsession and find it IMPOSSIBLE. You are working in a "haunted play" and you HAVE to be the vampire and then get mad when you realize that you have to be an evil vampire AND have to wear fake teeth. You act out the parts in the book as you're reading it for the fifty millionth time. You are very angry that you can't buy the books (I'm poor) so you can hi-light, like, every single line. Then you realize that the book is way to sacred to be hi-lighted. After reading Twilight you wrote suicide letters from Bella to her parents so she could stage a death and force Edward to turn her into a vampire. You are trying so hard to find golden contacts and make yourself paler. You get mad at your friend for calling you a blonde. You then decide that you are both blonde and brunette, SO you have more fun AND Edward likes you better too. You are planning on filling your new iPod with the playlists on StephenieMeyer.com, Debussy, and Linkin Park. You use a notecard as a notebook so you can write down funny quotes that you like. You read list and thought, Oh, I'd never do that, and then you go and do it the next day. You throw a wedding shower for Bella and Edward. You wore black all throughout the time you read New Moon to show that you were in mourning for Bella. You want to break Jacob Black's jaw. You pass out with excitement when someone announces that Stephenie Meyer will be in town. When you notice a canary yellow Porsche, which make happens to be a 911 turbo you go into hysterics and the people in the car with you just stare at you. When your friend's sister bought the book because it "sounded interesting", has had it for well over a year, hasn't read it yet and you're planning on stealing her copy because it's too good to gather dust. You keep trying to convince your friends that they HAVE to read these books although you know they won't...you keep trying. You plan on getting the Bella, Edward, and Jacob tattoos from the New Moon SE permanently tattooed on your body. (And you design equally fancy ones for the other characters to get.) When the series in finally done you plan on getting the title and below it the book cover tattooed down the center of your back...for every book. You're driving your friend crazy by asking her where she is in the book when she's had it for two weeks and she's not done yet (trust me, she gets mad) You get depressed when you think that if Twilight were real, you would just be another Jessica to Edward. :( You get uber-mad at your mom when she reads Twilight and New Moon and says that they were fine but "just for teenage girls." Helooo. Everyone should read them! Including guys- they can take a lesson from Edward. You dress up as all the characters of Twilight at midnight. When you heard there was going to be a Twilight movie you got so excited you broke a chair(actually happend) You make the Cullens, the Swans and the Blacks on sims. You name your pet rock Edward You name the squirrels in your backyard after the characters You are laughing crazily because you have actually done most of the stuff on this list You go out and buy a space heater You yelled at Edward when he left, and you wouldn't talk to him for a week You always use Edward as an example on tests You look up Edward in the dictionary, and scream when you find out theres a half page of Edward's. You sign your emails Edward's biggest fans You stay up every night in case you might see the midnight sun You sometimes wonder during school what 'Edward is doing now' You almost cry (or actually do) when you read a spoiler for Twilight/New Moon/Eclipse/Breaking Dawn by accident For your Halloween costume, you wear a pale foundation; gold contacts; dark circles under your eyes; fake vampire bite-marks on your neck; and a/an (take your pick out of these) I Love Edward Cullen/Edward Cullen's Mate/Edward Cullen's #1 Fan/Runs With Vampires" T-shirt (I'm considering doing this) Whenever you're about to do something stupid that you don't want to do, you do it anyway to hear Edward's voice in your head yell at you (purrrr) You get really mad at your sister when she borrows your paperback Twilight copy and returns it with the corners dog-eared and in worse shape (this happened to me - I actually couldn't see straight when I saw what she did to it!) You take EXTREMELY good care of your Twilight series books You doodle characters from Twilight during school hours (the people sitting around me were asking me what I was drawing repeatedly) You get upset with your sister who has read Twilight and liked it, but wants to skip New Moon right to Eclipse because Edward's not in it (you can sympathize, but New Moon is important!!) and you told her all about it (that was before she read Twilight and was interested) You glare at your sister when she tells you to hurry up and finish Eclipse You're already giddy that your hands and feet are always freezing, but it's not good enough so in the car/bus/silver Volvo you roll down your window, turn on the AC (NOT JACOB) and try to get your body as cold as possible. That would be me... When you think up of new things for the characters to say/do in certain parts of the book. When you get a mental image of what you think is going to happen in the next book after you read first chapter at the end of the last book. And you know that will never happen but you still like the idea. You print out this list and highlight the ones you've done. You talk about Twilight so much your friends' mothers are reading it now. You skip you dinner break during band camp, wearing a Twilight shirt and glitter to get your Eclipse book. When you go to get Eclipse the saleswoman recognizes you for begging for a midnight release party for Eclipse. You screamed in Barnes and Noble when receiving your copy of Eclipse During band rehearsal you start reading Eclipse and freshmen ask you if its summer reading and you say no. But it's on your personal summer reading list! During band camp you talk about how sexy Edward Cullen is and one of freshmen ask you who he is. All your friends yell at the kid saying "OMG NOT AGAIN! LOOK WHAT YOU DID. YOU GOT HER STARTED. NOW SHE WON'T SHUT UP!" You and your twilight fan friends fight in the middle of rehearsal over edward. Calling each other 'homewreckers' and start slapping each other's face You argue on which days you can own Edward. All the days got mixed up you just decided to clone Edward. You're watching The Price is Right and when a guy named Edward wins the showcase, you cheer loud enough that all your neighbors hear it. When your friend goes on a trip, you tell her to 'find an Edward Cullen for me.' You videotape yourself sleeping to see if you talk about Edward You saw the Bella handbag at Forever 21 and had to buy it. The playlists that Stephenie Meyer makes for her books are the only songs you listen to. Your music style has suddenly changed from girly pop to only the bands that are listed on Stephenie Meyer's Myspace. After reading Eclipse, you petitioned for your school (or house) to get air conditioning, just in case you didn't seem enough anti-Jacob You check StephenieMeyer.com twice a day for updates. You went to a plastic surgeon to see if you could get a heart-shaped face and bigger lips. You made shirts for you and your boyfriend: yours says Bella and his says Edward The second that Twilight and New Moon went on your school approved reading list, you got excited because you had a reason for your mom to lift the grounding on all books by Stephenie Meyer You will now only read books with black and red on the cover You asked your school counselor if they could make a class dedicated to the Twilight books. When one of your friends said that she liked Jacob, you refused to talk to her for a month. You spent all summer indoors (so you wouldn't tan) and denying yourself sleep (to get those perfect dark circles). When people see you the first day of school, you say that you are going for the 'vampire look.' You look up and the suction tip you are supposed to be holding in the person's mouth is no longer in there because you were daydreaming about Edward! You carry all three books with you everywhere in a shoulder bag even if you have crutches because you have a broken ankle,(yes I did this, and still do) You hear Edward and Bella in your head all the time and you actually take advice from them (me) You have fantasies where Edward and Bella appear in your room and they have to stay at your house, and Edward keeps laughing at your spastic thoughts :( Your mom gets mad at you when you can't stop babbling to all her friends about the books. You actually read all three books out loud (including Eclipse) to your best guy friend, You then scold said guy friend for not being like Edward. You have a compulsive night routine where you kiss a drawing of Edward, spray your pillow with sweet perfume, and then listen to music that reminds you of the books before going to sleep. You've read all three books more then you can count. You name your charcters in a video game after the characters in Twilight. You answer clothing surveys, you answer everything twilight or Edward Cullen related, just so they will hopefully put Twilight clothing items in the store. You create a person on Barbiegirls.com, that looks exactly like Alice, topaz eyes and all. You believe your friend when she says her cats are vampires. You cat sit for her and then suddenly yell out "YES, BITE ME!" to her black cat with yellowish eyes (true story). You have an alter ego named after a Twilight character. (I named mine Edward! Shows you how cool I am...) You squeal whenever Edward's name comes up in the book, and by now, people are used to it. On Halloween, you wear designer-looking clothes, whiten your teeth, leave dark circles under your eyes, make sure your super pale, and go trick or treating. When people ask who or what you are, you roll your eyes and say you're a vampire...obviously! You get paranoid whenever you're around your friend, James, thinking he might all of a sudden throw you across the room, breaking every bone in your body. You practice your snarling. You talk to your friend about how much you love Edward, and when they say why they can't have Edward, you growl and then say they can have someone else. (I did this with my friend. She asked that, if I got Edward, who could she get. XD, I immediately said Jasper.) You compare one of your drawings of the book cover to the actual cover itself and start to cry when you didn't get the angle on the arms right, or the apple wasn't big enough, or the stem of the flower was too skinny, etc. You go to bed and before you fall asleep, you gasp silently to yourself and run to the window to see if Edward's there. You jump for joy when you look through your old band music and see the song "Claire de Lune". (I did play this song in Grade 6, it wasn't nearly as good as hearing it done professionally.) In Auto body class, the teacher says you'll be given your own car to examine and tinker around with, and you immediately request a Volvo. You've started to dress like the characters. You attempt on making some random super big dude with dark skin angry, in hopes that he'll explode and grow fur. You buy dozens of CD's and arrange them in your room exactly as Edward has. You match every song you hear to Twilight, including disco songs such as Funky White Boy. You have your Eclipse poster from New Moon, hanging by your bed so every night you can read the quote before you fall asleep. Your e-mail name is Isabella Swan. Your little sister slapped you because you've been talking about Twilight to much When you offer the book to your ten-year-old brother. When you go to sit on Santa's lap, you ask for an "Edward Cullen." You mark your favourite bits of Twilight with post-its as you read so you can automatically flip to whatever quotes/scenes you want to read each day. Or alternatively, you've already memorized the pages. You log on to Stepheniemeyer.com at the 59th minute of every hour, just so you can get the satisfaction of seeing there is one less hour to go until the release of eclipse. You've asked your mum or dad to get a job at Barnes and Noble so you might be able to get your copy of Breaking Dawn extra early, too. As soon as you finished Twilight, you ran out and bought every Linkin Park album in the store, although you never liked them before. You then sit and listen for the next 3 hours, trying to figure out which songs Bella would've liked. You start taking ballet lessons to try and walk more like Alice. You've started walking lopsided because you're always walking around with 2 hardback copies of Twilight and New Moon in your already heavy, one shouldered schoolbag. If you can't find some sort of relation to Twilight/New Moon in the lyrics of a song, however faint, you immediately hate it. If your name is Bella, you swear you're not going to marry anyone unless their surname is Cullen. So you can be called Bella Cullen. You surprise your mother, who has been nagging at you to read literary classics for years to improve your english, by eagerly reading Wurthering Heights, Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility, and Romeo and Juliet after seeing them mentioned in Twilight. You fail your English Lit exam, because in your essay you accidentally kept referring to Romeo and Juliet as Edward and Bella. You try going a week without sleeping, to see what it would be like to be a Cullen. You've faked an illness so you can go to hospital and see if there are any Carlisle lookalike doctors. You nearly hurt the saleswoman the first time you purchased New Moon by viciously ripping it out of her hands. You nearly got arrested for shoplifting because you were so delighted with your copy of New Moon that you grabbed it off the shelf and ran out of the store to run home as fast as you can and read it, forgetting to pay. There is a sacred place set in your room for your Twilight books. You buy all your friends copies of Twilight/New Moon for their birthdays. When your friend emails you from abroad to ask how your holidays are, you launch into a 50 minute rant about how much better vacation would be if Edward were here. Just like Bella, you constantly forget to breathe when Edward gives one of his perfect crooked smiles (because you can imagine it perfectly in your head). You've heard a new guy called Edward is coming to your school, and you've already devised a foolproof plan to seduce him and make him your boyfriend. There's a boy called Edward, Jasper or Carlisle in your class, and he's asked you multiple times to please stop stalking him around. You're now as pale as the Cullens, because you've spent all summer doing nothing but re reading Twilight and New Moon on the couch. Your English teacher asks why you keep spelling your name Stephanie with an 'e', like Stephenie Meyer. Your friends stop calling you to ask you to hang out, because your reply is always 'Can't. Too busy. Rereading Twilight.' You could get a scholarship to Oxford or Yale if the Eng.Lit text was on Twilight. You keep a little journal of all your favourite Twilight quotes/perfect songs to fit the fandom. Your boyfriend and your pet names for each other are 'lion' and 'lamb' Calculus suddenly doesn't seem that terrible anymore... You no longer use make up to cover your under eye cirlces; rather you embrace them, knowing you share at least one similarity with the beauties that are Alice and Rosalie Cullen. Your English teacher has asked you to please stop naming every single of the characters in your creative essays 'Edward' or 'Bella'. When someone mentions the words Twilight, Edward, Bella, Cullen or Vampire, your friends instinctively all plug in their headphones so they don't have to listen to the impending 40 minute speech about how much you love Twilight coming up. You don't play the piano, but you've listened to Clair de Lune so many times you figured out how to play it through listening. Right now, your mind is whirling with ideas for your next Twilight fanfic. You don't want to go to sleep because you're scared Edward won't be there when you wake up. Your little sister knows the names of the characters. Whenever she sees the name of a Twilight character, she says, "Hey look it's Edward!" (or whoever it is) You have an Edward that follows you around everywhere, talking to you, touching you -- and only you can see and hear him You don't care when you tell your boyfriend you're in love with Edward When you break up with said boyfriend he thinks it's because of Edward You don't talk to your mom for a week because she won't read Twilight You squeal at every silver Volvo you see Every time it rains you think of Twilight When you re-read New Moon you skip from when Edward left until he comes back Your mom is sick of you calling her Bella. Your dad is sick of you calling him Edward. You have uncontrollable fits of laughter every time someone says something funny in Twilight. You refuse to read New Moon (again) because it causes physical pain when Edward leaves Bella After reading Twilight you start to wonder if your cat is a Vampire and you try to get it to bite you so you can be a vampire and go find Edward. Your nieghbors come home from vaction wondering why after you took care of their dog it now answers to Bella instead of its real name. You get made at your friend because she's had your twilight book for almost a week You're thinking about buying a new copy for yourself and telling here to give you 9 bucks You have hour long phone conversations focused entirely on Edward You know you'll be pacing around the house on August 7th waiting for them to deliver Eclipse You start talking about twilight out loud to yourself You've already got your neighbor and your neighbors daughter anxiously awaiting the arrival of your Eclipse book You have found enough time to read all the personal correspondence Q&A's You convince your parents to name your new baby sister Isabella. You see the car name of "Eclipse" and you gasp a little and become giddy. You actually get showered and ready for bed in a rush because you think that Edward will be waiting for you. You get dissapointed when he's not there to watch you sleep. You pretend he's there any way. Sometimes while reading Twilight you look up from the book shocked to find you're not in Forks and you don't actually remember were you are. Every night a few minutes before midnight you get on StephenieMeyer.com and watch the countdown to Eclipse get one day closer. You know your obsessed with Twilight when you keep on playing hangman endlessly until you find Edward's name. When you randomly walk into a church and pray to Stephenie Meyer with your copy of Twilight that you bring everywhere. When you dream about having one wish and that one wish is that Twilight was reality and you were Edward's "mate" When you read New Moon out to your mother and then made her read it from the very beginning (Twilight) You almost kill said mother when she calls Edward "feminine" When you almost kill, (again) said mother for trying to psycologically analysing Edward (HE CAN'T BE PUT INTO ANY CATAGORY) When you realize that every thing you've ever written and dreamt of will never compare to Twilight at all When you want to take calculus because it's on Edward's timetable even though you argued with your teacher that you hated it. When you get embarrassed about thoughts you have because you never know who could be 'listening' You practise closing your mind so if you came across an Edward he wouldn't judge you When you break up with your boyfriend because "it's not sexy to sleep, you have to watch me" (this was told to me by a friend) You've played the Hangman on this site so many times that you know all the words by heart and you feel really proud about it . You at first loathe Rosalie, but when she apologizes to Bella, you start to like her You drive to school on an icy day, thinking to yourself the whole way there if Edward will save you from an out of control van When you almost get hit my a van, you freak out when Edward wasn't the one who saved you You want to go cliff diving You constantly imagine how seductive (XD) Edward smells You've spent countless hours drawing anything Twilight/New Moon related When people ask you what you want to be when you grow up, you immidiately say you want to be a doctor... who's also a vampire You get dizzy when you smell blood You get nervous if you go into a ballet studio You spend however much time needed picturing what the Twilight character's look like You hate Dracula movies When you're sitting at home reading "the book" on halloween (you finished trick or treating) and a group of kids come to your door, they're all wearing those awful vampire costumes, and you reluctantly give them each one half of a small chocolate bar. When they pout, you tell them "if you sparkle in the sun, I might consider giving you seconds." You want to/or about to go to Brigham Young University You're determined to learn how to play piano, even though you have no musical talent whatsoever. You redecorate your room to look like Bella/Edward's (personally, I prefer Edward's) You don't eat your lunch and when your friends ask, you say "I just had my share of an irritable grizzly" You try to run as fast as you can (faster, even) in hopes that you could be as fast as a vampire You're desperate to have freezing skin You want to have the graceful dancer's walk like Alice has... ...psh, you just want to be graceful! You constantly remind people that vampires don't burn up in the sun, don't sleep in coffins, etc. You run away from anyone with crazy red hair. You write Me+Edward=You threaten to kill your friend if she gets New Moon before you... You've read all the outtakes and Midnight Sun twice at the very least. The Eclipse quote of the day is your MSN pm. You get mad at your friend when you tell her your theory that Bella's hallucinations aren't just that, they're because Edward truly is looking after her and your friend laughs and tells you otherwise. (yeah my friend did that) Harry Potter 7 used to be the #1 book you had to get this summer... now it's Eclipse! Harry who? You and your friend have complete discussions about what will happen next in the book/series You also have discussions about who would be perfect to play Edward in Twilight the movie. You will cry if it doesn't become a movie. And then you decide that the only reasonable person to play Edward is Edward himself. You have Twilight induced dreams... You talk about those dreams... In gym class you wish you were a vampire so you could run faster. And then you remember you have something in common with Bella if you suck at gym. You start laughing uncontrollably when Tyler comes to Bella's house to take her to the prom. You want to go to Italy even more now! You want to be a vampire for Halloween but don't think it would be possible to get a costume... You want to almost die so one of the cullens will turn you into a vampire. You actually like the song Clair de lune by Debussy. After reading the book you could make connections to the book and real life all the time. Your "I can write really well" ego gets bruised when you even look at the books. After getting your mom obsessed with Twilight, you decide to get your friend's mom obsessed, too. And you constantly have intense conversations about the pain experienced when Edward left. (wince) Whenever you and your friends talk about Edward, your voices get higher and higher until your words are nothing but a squeal, and everyone around you stares at you like you're total freaks. Your name on MSN Messenger is 'I (heart) Edward'. You read Twilight and New Moon over and over just so you can be with Edward. When you see a vampire costume at the store you ask the store manager if you can burn it because that's now how real vampires look. You find yourself wondering what Edward's snarl sounds like. You hyperventilate when you're reading about James and Bella in the ballet studio, even though you've already read that part about a million times and already know exactly what's going to happen. When your friends ask you what you've been doing all day, the only honest answer you can come up with is "Thinking about Edward." Your mom's reading Twilight again and you bug her to hurry up so you can read it for the twelfth time. You're afraid that if you don't read Twilight over and over again you'll forget what Edward looks like. When Edward leaves in New Moon, you develop the same hole in your chest that Bella does and often find yourself gasping for air. Your new dream car is a silver 2005 Volvo S60R, even though you really don't know what that is. You start calling everyone by the characters' names. You name your pants after Edward. You shout Edward's name everytime San Jose is mentioned. You want to kill your friend Emily just because her name was mentioned in New Moon and yours wasn't. You are planning on getting a passport for you birthday in case you have to go save Edward (I have actually explained this concept to my parents. Apparently I explained it well too! I am getting one in November! lol) You have asked you Grandmother/family member if you can name her next dog Emmett because it just sounds right (mine said yes :) You also look for houses that could be Charlie's house or the Cullen family's house. You were super excited when you found out that there might be a Twilight movie. You might have even squealed. When you realize you either don't look like Bella or are too young to play the role of Bella, you became super sad. You imagine yourself playing the role of Bella anyway, even if you don't look like her or if you are too young. You spend a lot of your time on Stepheniemeyer.com. You spend even more time reading and/or writing Twilight fanfics. You're about to die waiting for Eclipse to come out. You try to force your friends to read Twilight, and if they refuse or seem uninterested, you become upset. You're always looking up actors and actresses who could play the characters. You lose focus in class because you're daydreaming about Edward. You subconsciously write, "I heart Edward Cullen" all over youre notebook. When you go swimming, you stay under water too long because you forget you have to breathe because you're not a vampire. You take your books with you everywhere you go. You almost cry when you forget your books when you go on a long trip. You're thinking, "Ha! I would never forget my books." You pretty much loathe all other books about vampires. You made a playlist to go with Twilight and/or New Moon. You're convinced Edward and the Cullens are real. You're convinced to go to Forks, Washington and prove it. If anyone with really pale skin who is good looking walks by, you follow them to see if they sparkle in the sun. You might've yelled at your New Moon book when Edward left. Sometimes you hate Bella because Edward is her boyfriend and not your's. You often don't realize how sad that is. You brush your teeth way more than usual because you want your teeth to be as shiny as the Cullens'. You're hinking about Edward right now. You have made your friends read them and they in turn fall in love with them also, then you all name each other after characters and then you hear of people who actually have the rare names (such as Esme) and then hate them without even knowing them. Your new favorite colors are black and red. You threw away all of your fake vampire teeth from Halloween... Edward would not approve of wearing those foul things! You get New Moon and read it during first and second period instead of taking your finals. You read New Moon in two hours flat, taking painful breaks from the gripping story to write the quadratic equation and solve for X. You look up from your book and realize that it might be the best book you've ever read. You take into consideration that you read three books a day. Literally. You spend three hours a day thinking about what powers Bella is going to have. You jump for joy upon hearing that Stephenie is a mormon, because you are too. You stop speaking to your friend because she doesn't like Twilight. (Note: this happened to me. I will never understand her, and all of our socialization is about as friendly as Lauren to Bella.) You pity your friend Lauren for her name. You plan on naming your daughters Alice and Isabella. You are motivated to write a book of your own, but only end up writing fanfic, because no love story can compare. You've made your homepage on your computer StephenieMeyer.com You freak out at your mom when you tell her you can't wait till august for Eclipse to come out, and how much you love Edward, and she blankly stares at you and asks two things: whether or not you have a boyfriend she doesn't know about named Edward (yeah, in my dreams) and what's Eclipse? Your best friend's family friend knows you're literally in love with a fictional character named Edward Cullen. When June 20th comes around you give everyone Cullen cookies and birthday cakes. AND send many bulletins on MySpace wishing him a happy birthday. You see a Newton Bar and immediately freak out and think of Mike Newton. You look for people in the mall that look like characters from Twilight... and then you ask if you can take a picture with them. You see random people and then say to youself, hmmmmm that person looks like _ from Twilight. You dream about Edward and yourself in a meadow. You sleep with Twilight under your pillow/next to you. You want to kill Bella so you can have Edward. You wish on a shooting star for your b-day that you can become a vampire or make Edward come alive so you can marry him. You read so much fanfiction that you have to read the book between fanfics because you get confused what is in the book and what isn't. You get butterflies in your stomach when you don't have your book with you. Anything anyone says you relate to the book! Your eating lunch with your friends at a nice restaurant, and tell them, "Well, it's no irritable grizzly..." You name all of your fish after characters in Twilight the day after you read it, naming your favorite ones Edward and Bella, and your least favorite James and Victoria. You don't start reading the book until 10:30 p.m. and stay up until 5:00 a.m. on a school day, not realizing how late you were up, because you couldn't even look at the clock you were so into the book. Your friends have to tell you to stop talking about Edward. Your friends have to constantly remind you that Edward is NOT your real boyfriend. Your friends also have to constantly remind you that your name is NOT Bella. You start thinking of ways you could somehow meet a guy exactly like Edward. You decide Edward is a real person hiding from the world, and then you are convinced to go on a world wide trip to find him. Your actually in love with Edward. You giggle when Edward says something funny in the book. You get butterflies in your stomach and say 'awwwww' when Edward says something sweet to Bella. You talk to your book while your reading it, and everyone thinks your crazy. After you read Twilight, a copy from the library, you go back to get New Moon, and someone else has it checked out, and you consider asking the librarian who, so that you can go to their house and strangle them, then steal the book. You actually do ask the librarian who has the book. But they wouldn't tell you... You want to fall in love with a vampire. You decide vampires are real. You want to be a vampire so you can fall in love with a vampire. You want to somehow be magically transformed into the world of Twilight. As the role of Bella, of course. You start crying everytime you read the story because you wish your life could be like Bella's You spend all night searching through galleries and making Twilight related wallpapers. You convince yourself that you must stop re-reading Twilight in school because Edward makes you feel that your boyfriend is inferior. Somewhat. When you're bored you tend to visit SM.com and read the FAQ or Extras over and over. You're insanely jealous when you find out that August 7th is your friend's birthday. You and your friend plot to go to Forks to kidnap Edward. You have your copy of Twilight open in front of you as you're typing this. No matter how many times you've read it, you laugh for a long time at Tyler's stupidity and total obliviousness. Some characters constantly remind you of people in your life. At certain points in the book, you just have to stop and sigh, wishing just one more time you could be Bella. When you've finished reading, you get random urges to hug people. Preferrably Edward. But as that sadly isn't possible, you walk over to your boyfriend and give him a big hug, and he's curious as to why. Because he's read the book, but is nearly as oblivious as Tyler. You growled at someone for trying to take your Twilight/New Moon book. You listen to the song "Vampires Will Never Hurt You" by My Chemical Romance and you automatically think of Edward protecting Bella. You squee at the thought of anything Twilight related. You just squee'd. You constantly search Twilight, New Moon, etc. on Google. You've submitted more than 3 of the obsessed things. You freaked out when your friend had your copy of Twilight for 3 days because then you couldn't read it for the millionth time. Your friend who you haven't seen in 3 years and who lives half way across the country knows your in love with Edward Cullen. Your friends know how to make you mad by saying Edward is gay :( You write on your guy friends hand you love Edward Cullen. People know every detail about Edward even though they have no clue who he is. You actually got yelled at by 6 of your friends at the same time for talking about Edward. You have talked about Edward so much that you actually lost your voice. You make your mom read Twilight. Your mom becomes almost as obsessed with Edward as you are. You call your cat Emmet because he attacks things. You went to all three book stores closest to you on May 5th, just to find the special version of New Moon with the first chapter of Eclipse, and yelled profanities while leaving each of those bookstores without the book (since it was sold out. GR!) You can't help whisper "do you want me to bolt the door so you can massacre the unsuspecting townsfolk" as you walk through the door of your prom location. You forget that you're in your school lunch and don't remember until the person you're sitting with closes the book Twilight to get your attention. You then respond by glaring and convincing yourself it's better to NOT bite their hand off. You and your friends speak of what type of vampire you want to be. Your friend carries a vial of her blood around her neck and you want to do the same. You read New Moon the whole time you are in the keys for spring break. Your mom thinks you are on the phone under the covers on a school night but you are actually using the light on your cell phone to read Twilight. When someone talks about a friend or family member with one of the characters names, you give them the third degree about whether they're REALLY as old as they say they are. You smile or blush when you look at a map and see Carlise, PA or Rosalie, NE or even Cullen, VA (my personal favorite). You chased down the entirety of BOTH playlists and decided to make one of your own afterward. You taught yourself to ride a motorcycle by thinking of the clutch as a live grenade. After you do a header into the mud, you wonder why your Edward hallucination didn't tell you how stupid and reckless you were being. You toss in Twilight/ New Moon quotes at every opportunity. Your parents ignore you when you rant about Twilight. They're used to it by now. You refer to writing a fanfic as "making your own drugs." You submit "You Might Be Obsessed" suggestions- and every one of them is true for you! When you are reading this the book is sitting in your lap with your arms wrapped around it. You have to write your obituary in journalism class and in the obituary, you say that you married Edward Cullen and your kids names are Alice, Rosalie, and Emmett. When you see a reference to Bella and Edward in a fanfic you immediatly giggle with glee. And post a comment about that said reference. You convince your boyfriend to read the books and get him addicted. He gets so addicted that he thinks New Moon sucks cause Edward left. You're the editor of the yearbook but you neglect your duties the day before a huge deadline to look for new posts on the BaE.com forums and submit things to the site. You accidentally get a friend in trouble for obsessing about Edward across the room. You draw comics of Emmett totally beasting a bear. You show your friend who's into Linkin Park the acknowledgments in the back of New Moon. You get very excited when you read the acknowledgments in the back of New Moon and see several of your favorite bands. You obsessively read the first chapter of Midnight Sun during your Media Assistant elective under the pretense of "doing work". The only time you leave the house without a copy of one of the books is when you go out for dinner. You spend several hours on the couch, silent, reading New Moon when you first get it and surprise your sister's boyfriend who had heard that you were very talkative. You stay up till 2 on a school night because you just have to finish re-reading New Moon and/or Twilight. As much as you want to, you can't bring yourself to skip any part of New Moon, even to get to Edward and you get very anxious, although you know exactly what's gonna happen next. You've memorized a very long quote of Bella's and constantly scare your friends by reciting it at top speed. If anyone tries to touch a copy of your books, you slap and fight with them until they leave. StephenieMeyer.com is one of the sites you check several times a day just to see if there's any new news. You read the Q&A on the Eclipse Prom over and over again although there's no chance you'll be able to go. You analyze the lyrics to your favorite song and try to relate them to New Moon. And manage to get it to make sense. You and your friends plan to go to Barnes&Noble on May 5th just to read the first chapter of Eclipse in the special edition. In the likely case that it's in plastic, you're planning on buying the special edition just to have your very own copy of the mini poster, the tattos (which you plan on plastering all over your forehead), and to be able to see the first chapter of Eclipse in print. You want to plan an Eclipse party. You plan on going over to a friend's house to make shirts that say 'Real Men Sparkle'. When you hear a quote from Twilight/New Moon, you can tell the exact page and scene it is located in. Your teachers constantly have to take your copy of New Moon away in class because although you've read it 10 times already, you just have to read it again. You spend a whole night reading the Extras and Outtakes from the books and looking for Twilight fan sites and neglect to do your homework. You read the Extras and Outtakes while listing to Linkin Park. When your friend is reading it, every time you see them you ask what part they're at and go on to discuss what just happened and why. You write book reviews for a class on both books and discuss in length why you love Edward. You convince your school librarians to read and get them hooked. You end up discussing the books with the school librarians. You convince the librarians to get Twilight and are excessively happy when you see several copies of that and New Moon on the shelves. You give up your month's allowance so that your mom will bring you to the bookstore and buy New Moon just days after you finished Twilight. Your real boyfreind doesn't even get weirded out anymore when you call him Edward (hey, it's not the real thing, but we can dream right?) You write "GO EDWARD" on everything within a 10 mile radius. People only know you as the "Edward girl". You bought a copy of Twilight just to look at it after you finished reading your friend's. Almost all your friends have now read Twilight. You plan to marry your book. Your teachers are now reading Twilight. You once wanted to be tan, now you want to be really, really pale. When your friends ask to meet your boyfriend, you shove Twilight in their faces and yell, "He's right here!" Your copy of Twilight is so battered that most of the pages have fallen out, and instead of throwing it away, you give it a proper burial. You cry at the burial. Constantly. You talk to Bella more than you talk to your mother. Edward, Bella and the rest of the Cullens have taken over your dreams. You actually think about changing your name to Bella when you turn 18. You actually change your name to Bella when you are 18. You name your kids after Twilight characters. When you finished Twilight, you cried. When you heard there was a sequel, you paraded around the house for twenty minutes. You find yourself wishing you were a vampire. When you have sudden happiness or sadness, you search for Jasper. Deja vu reminds you of Alice. You can answer yes to any of these questions. Pro-wrestlers remind you of Emmett. You asked that blonde doctor at the hospital if his name was Carlisle Cullen. You want a summer home in Forks. If anyone says, "the book" you automatically think of twilight. You wake up at night wondering if Edward is watching you sleep. When you read or see Snow White, you think of Esme. Your favorite website is a Twilight fan site. You think about getting an Audi, because Edward would approve... Whenever you see one of the cars mentioned in twilight, you look inside to see if Emmett or Jasper or anyone else might be hiding in there. You notice that you look a little bit like Bella, and wonder if someone might mistake you for her... Whenever you hear people in the backgrounds of commercials with sooth, pleasant voices, you shudder and think of James. Your friend jokes about stealing your book and you yell at him. You name your pet after a twilight character You write I Love Edward on your cell phone banner You constantly talk about Twilight You're constantly on fanfiction.net reading the Twilight stories. You go through withdrawl when your friend has your copy of Twiligt hostage You love a character from the book coughEdwardcoughcough You try to force yourself to have Twilight related dreams You buy Debussey:Greatest Hits and Linkin Park cds because Edward and Bella like them. You have all kinds of Twilight avatars When someone asks who's Edward and Bella(refering to your avatar), you jump into an hour long description of the book You talk about it constantly so your friends will read it and then you have someone who knows all those inside jokes You write fanfics You adopt topaz as your new favorite gem You always find small things that make you think about Twilight and then you go into a major daydream about Edward :) When you begin to believe that vampires actually exist When you enjoy the fact that you think vampires exist When you think of the best characters to play the cullen family and bella if your school had a twilight play and cant stop looking at them and get jeolous for no reason at the bella look alike When you meet the perfect boy and wander if he could be a vampire... You hope that Stephenie Meyer is a fortune teller and is telling the story of your life and replacing your name with Bella Swan You scribble down "Edward Cullen" so much that you have to hide your evidence so that your parents dont question because his name is too precious to be destroyed When you are in the middle of a reasonable book and have to stop so you can re-read Twilight for what seems like the one millionth time When you are reading it for the one millionth time still get affected by it the same as you were the first time When you fight with yourself to not read any spoilers of new moon but give into the closest but safe temptation. When you get sad every night because Edward isn't laying on your bed and waiting for you When your in the middle of your English exam, and it says the name "Edward" on your example and you get butterflies in your stomach and waste 5 minutes fantisizing "what if he walked into this very english room"...then later on in the English exam...it says something about being pale in a book quote and Immediately picture Edward again. :waits another 5 minutes: You threaten your friend to read faster; he's had the book going on 2 days and is on pg 45...I read it in one sitting. You have written something about Edward on everyone of your Geometry worksheets. You're grades dramatically dropped after reading Twilight, due to thinking about it (Edward) in class. Teachers, friends, random people know you as" the girl w/ that book" because you carry it around in school, work, home..etc. You have a vampire/Twilight related nickname. You've tried to convince your parents to let you go to Forks. If you didnt have to even convince them...they just said, "okay, with who?" You swear that this one guy in school looks just like Edward, only if his hair wasnt black. I pic Edward w/ black hair anyway Teachers give you odd looks when they see you reading it...again...and again...x10 You dont know where your remote/money/coat/hw...etc is; but you know where your book is at ALL times. You suddenly listen to Classical music and/or want a volvo. doesnt apply to me; I listened to classical before hehe Imma oddball You're reading these nodding going "Uh huh, yep, did that" lol You've read the book 20+ times You put the Clair de Lune on your Myspace profile. You now have an obsession with the books Pride and Prejudice and Sense and Sensibility. You sometimes daydream that Edward is really in Forks, and just hiding from everyone. You sometimes think your daydream is true. Because you think this daydream is true, you now want to move to Washington. You check this Twilight group every 10 minutes. You now love mushroom ravioli. You say, "I wish guys could be more like Edward, " at school and everyone gives you the strangest look because they have no clue what you're talking about. You compare guys to Edward in real life. When you can't watch a movie in science without hearing "it was so hard to fight the urge to just once stroke his perfect face" in your head When you watch said movie in science with your arms crossed tightly across your chest When you find your self jelous of Bella for having a life that seems perfect while at the same time loving her When you find that every song you listen to has a hiddden meaning relating to twilight When you find yourselves insted of daydreaming - imagening twilight scenes and quotes When EVERY one of your binders/notebooks have I ¢¾ Edward on them. When you're going away on a trip (you of course plan to bring Twilight) someone asks you who your going with and you reply with "Oh, Bella and Edward are going to keep me company" When you can sit and read all 498 pages of the book in one sitting When your boyfriend starts getting totally jealous of your constant chatter about Edward When your boyfriend has to tell you to STOP reading him your favorite quotes over the phone When you have quotes written EVERYWHERE When you dream about being Bella, just so you can have Edward When some random stranger in Wal-Mart asks your name you tell them "Bella" or "Alice" When your favorite girl and boy names suddenlt become Edward and Isabella When your mother yells at you to stop writing I love EC all over your binder When your mother grounds you from reading twilight You cried when she went so far as to TAKE IT AWAY during your grounding! When you and your friend (who is also obsessed with twilight) play a game on the phone where you guess the part of twilight that they are reading from...and you always win. When the first thing that you do when you get a cell phone is take a picture of twilight and putit as you background. When your cousins know who Edward Cullen is but have never read the book, and know him as the character that you are madly in love with. When you ask your cousin to read it (welll actually force) and then refuse to give them your copy because its sacred. When everything and anything reminds you of Twilight, reminding you of Edward, and causing you to squeal, generator a bunch of stares from absolute strangers. When you here a song that absolutely reminds you of New Moon you start to screamand force yourself to learn all the words, and your sister stars at you like a maniac. When you talk to the computer when you are on the Lexicon due to a sudden urge of agreement and your sister thinks you are talking to yourself. When you are scared out of your wits of something, you convice yourself that if anything happens, you will definetly (sp) be rescued by Edward, even though he lives on the other side of the country. When your dad knows your obbsession over vampires. And mom. When everything on your MySpace is somehow related to Twilight. When you tell your parents that you want a Volvo, even though you really don't like the look of it that much. When you bought Wuthering Heights, just because Bella read it. When you want to go to Forks and are thinking of what reason to tell your parents that you want to go to Forks for, every day. When you suddenly love the name Alice and Edward, even though you absolutely hated them before. When everytime you see the name (Isa) Bella, Edward, Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, Esme, Carlisle, or any other character name in credit, you get butterflies in your stomach and look around the theater wildly for them. When you're sitting in theatre and your teacher is talking about theatre history, and gladiator battles. and they mention people getting thrown into the ampitheatre with a couple of bears, and you immeditaly gget this mental image of emmatt in the coliseum beating the crap out of a couple of bears in fron of an astonidshed crowd, and you start laughing, and everyone looks at you like your nuts. You just read this entire list to see if you really were obsessed with Twilight. You're sad that this list ended so soon. You made a list

A good friend wonders about your romantic history. A best friend could blackmail you with it.

My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marsh mellows and flirting with the firemen

Good friends will pick you up when your fall, BEST FRIENDS will push you back down and laugh


Good friends ask why you're crying, BEST FRIENDS already have the shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry


Good friends will say you can do better, BEST FRIENDS will call him up and say "You have seven days to live"


Good friends will help you with your drug problem, BEST FRIENDS are the ones who sold it to you


A good friend will bail you out of jail, a great friend will be sitting next to you in your cell going "We screwed up, huh?"


Good friends don't let you do stupid things, BEST FRIENDS don't let you do stupid things ALONE

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an s in it?

Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect to get it back!

Do illiterate people get the full benefit of alphabet soup?

Wouldn't it be fun to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?

If something goes without saying, why do people say it?

Please note : Christmas is cancelled - apparently you told Santa you were good this year ... and he died laughing

"It's always in the last place you look" Duh! If you had already found it, why would you keep looking?

I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh, the fun I will have!

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and then the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

Whoever said "anything is possible" never tried to slam a revolving door.

Confusion is a term for the stupid.

I am NOT saying your stupid...I'm just implying it.

I was gifted but the psychiatrist took away my powers

Come to the dark side, we have cookies!

I ran with scissors and lived! ( i seriously think that one should be put on a t-shirt)

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff ... I laugh even harder

I only have PMS on days that end with a Y

I'm going on a quest, to the deepest, darkest corners of my room, in search of what some would call a "floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me my friends, wish me luck, for I may not return alive

Life isn't passing me by - it's trying to run me over!

Boys are like trees - they take 50yrs to grow up.

It was a case of life and death - now that he's dead I have a life.

Don't run in the school hall, gliding is more fun!

Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Guys should be like lattes - rich, strong, and hot

Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, screw the fruit!

Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

FYI: you are NOT bringing sexy back

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

YOUTUBE myspace and I'll Google your YAHOO (does anyone get it...?)

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world?

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
'Hold my purse.'

Don't hate yourself in the morning - sleep till noon.

Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought

You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

I live in a world full of bunnies and unicorns...but the bunnies are cutting themselves and the unicorns are acting all emo again

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

The wasting of finite resources is everyone's business!

You're intoxicated by my very presence

Officer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!

I make the cowardly lion look like the terminator!

Boys are like slinkeys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

Thanks Stephenie, now I will NEVER get a man.

Fergie taught me how to spell delicious and glamorous. But not so much tastey!

Huh, it figures. All the good guys are taken, vampires, or both.

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.

I agree with the dictionary. gals before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

I don't obsess! I think intensely.

All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies.

There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count.

Random Sayings:

If someone looks at you funny, flip them the finger.

When someone tells you to act your age, yell at the top of your lungs "I AM!"

If a parent/guardian asks you, "What did you learn at school today?" answer, "I learnt how to survive it."

Never suffer from insanity, enjoy every minute of it.

Remember that all actions have reactions... (You don't wana know why I put this in here, believe me!)

When people say, "It's always in the last place you look." Say to them, "Well of course it is! Why the hell would I keep looking for it after I found it?!"

While waiting at a bus stop, if someone asks you, "Has the bus come yet?" reply, "If the bus had come, I wouldn't be standing here now would I?"

Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.

To attract men, wear a perfume called New Car Interior.

Heaven doesn't want me and Hell is afraid I'll take over.

They say "guns don't kill people; people kill people", but I think guns help. If you just stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you would kill too many people.

Real girls aren't perfect, perfect girls aren't real. You want a perfect girl? Go buy a Barbie.

I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not.

Having the love of your life say "We can still be friends" is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.

She's my best friend. Break her heart and I'll break your face.

(Say to a boy:) Yes, I hit like a girl. You could too if you hit a bit harder.

I'm the type of girl that manages to plan a whole world domination in Histroy class.

I'm the type of girl who will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened a year ago.

It's us versus the world...we attack at dawn!

Real friends don't let you do stupid things... alone.

It takes 47 muscles to frown, 13 to smile and absolutely none to sit there with a dumb look on your face.

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might actually clean them?

Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hot-line. If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities press 3, 4, 5, 6. If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want so stay on the line and we'll trace your call. If you are delusional press 7 and your call will be sent to the Mother Ship. If you are schizophrenic listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer you. If you are dislexic press 6, 9, 6, 9, 6, 9. If you have a nervous disorder fidget with the hatch key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep. If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later and if you have low self esteem, hang up; all our operators are too busy to talk to you.

When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch them!

ABCDEFG

gummy bears are eating me

one is red

one is blue

the yellow one just ate my shoe

Now I'm running for my life.

The blue one's got a butcher's knife.

ABCDEFG

gummy bears are eating me

FRIENDS/BEST FRIENDS

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.

BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"

FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.

BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.

FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.

BEST FRIENDS: Already have the shovel to berry the body of the person that made you cry.

FRIENDS: Will pass you a soda.

BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.

FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.

BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.

FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.

BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and runs.

FRIENDS: Will help you move.

BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.

FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the cell with you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

BEST FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.

BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

BEST FRIENDS: Won't tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.

BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.

BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.

BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.

BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college.

BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.

BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say, "Girl drink the rest of that! You know we don't waste!"

Friends: Would comfort you if you got raped.

Best friends: The rapist's body would be in the gutter shortly.

Friends: At your house, they ask politely if they can use your computer to check their e-mail.

Best friends: They get into your FanFiction account that you provided them with your username and password to do so long ago, and post hilarious fanfics under your name, just for you.

Friends: Are sometimes bored when they're around you.

Best friends: Think you're the most hilarious and fun person ever.

Friends: Would feel uneasy going out for dinner with you if their parents didn't approve.

Best friends: Would go cliff-diving if you suggested it.

Friends: Will help you up when you fall

Best friends: Will laugh at you

Friends: Will tell you to look out for the pot hole.

Best friends: Will push you at the pot hole then laugh at you even more.

FRIENDS: Would read and ignore this.

BEST FRIENDS: Will re-post this shit!

Some little weird things

Sense of Humor

Why We Love Children

1. A nursery school pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.

"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.

"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently.

"You did WHAT?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.

"You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst' and it didn't move."

2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later..

"Da-ad..."

"What?"

"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"

"No, You had your chance. Lights out."

Five minutes later:

"Da-aaaad..."

"WHAT?"

"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"

"I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to smack you!!"

Five minutes later..

"Daaaa-aaaad..."

"WHAT!"

"When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?"

3. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm, a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mummy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.

"I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."

A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:

"The big sissy."

4. One day, the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, "...And so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, 'The sky is falling, the sky is falling!'" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"

One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'''

5. A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?"

Her mother replied, "No, you can't. They're too rough."

The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"

6. Son: Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give my seat up to a lady.

Mother: Well, you have done the right thing.

Son: But Mum, I was sitting on Daddy's lap.

blond, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island.

For years, they live there, and one day they find a magic lamp.

They rub it, and sure enough, out comes a genie. The genie says "since I can only give out 3 wishes, you may each have one."

So the brunette goes first, "I have been stuck here for years, I miss my family and my husband and my life - I just want to go home."

POOF, she is gone.

The redhead makes her wish, "This place sucks, I want to go home too."

POOF, she is gone.

The blond starts crying uncontrollably.

The genie asks, "What is the matter?"

The blond said, "I wish my friends were here."

Poof. two mad people are there.

Joke #2

A Blond, Brunette, and a red head were at gun point in a mall.

The man said to the brunette, "Any last words?"

"A tornado!" she yells and gets away.

The man turned to the red head. "Any last words?"

"Sand storm!" the red head yelled and got away.

He turned to the blonde and said, "Any last words?"

"Fire!"

"Okay..." the man said and fired the gun.

Another joke(can't count past 2)

A blond walks in to a wall. (Enough said)

They laugh because we're losers...
We laugh because they just figured it out.

A blonde was walking back and forth from her house to her mail box. She made the trip over and over again. Finally her neighbor asked her what she was doing. She replied "My computer keeps telling me I have mail!"

People say I'm stupid, I tell them not to be jealous!

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...

A girl walks up to a boy in a laughing group of cool kids and pulls him aside.

"Why do you hang out with them?" she asked.

"Because they're my friends," he said.

"Why do they make fun of each other?" she asked

"because there's no one else around to make fun of," he said.

"Why do you force your smile?" she asked.

"Because it's not funny," he said.

"Why do they insult everyone?" she asked.

"Because they like to see them cry," he said.

"Why do they like that?" She asked

"Because they decide who the soft people are," he said.

"Why do you hang out with them?" she asked again.

"Because I don’t want to be with the soft," he said

"Do they still insult you?" she asked.

"Yes," he said.

"Do you stand through it?" she asked.

"Yes," he said.

"Do you think the soft are nice?" she asked.

"Yes," he said.

"Be friends with them and have a trustful, loving, friendly relationship." She said and started to walk away.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"Self realization."

If at first you don't succeed, try walking around the brick wall.

You have more chance of dying by an asteroid collision than in a plane crash.

The dimensions of the Space Shuttle, one of humanities greatest achievements, were specified over 2500 years ago by a horse.

"They say one day your whole life will flash before your eyes, make it worth watching." ~ Anonymous

"I'm the kind of person that walks into a door and apologizes." ~ Anonymous

"I’m not clumsy…the floor just hates me." ~ Anonymous

"Anyone can reach their stars…and if you can’t reach, catch one that falls." ~ Anonymous

"Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door..." ~ Anonymous

"You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor." ~ Anonymous

"Behind every bitch is a guy who made her that way." ~ Anonymous

"It's not how you pick your nose; it's where you put the booger." ~ Anonymous

"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law." ~ Anonymous

"An apple always keeps the doctor away, if well aimed." ~ Anonymous

"Ever stopped to think and forgot to start again?" ~ Anonymous

"My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil." ~ Anonymous

"Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought." ~ Anonymous

"Don't drink and drive. You might spill your beer." ~ Anonymous

"Okay, so what's the speed of dark?" ~ Anonymous

Fuck This Game. Its four in the morning grandma. You WIN!

-Dane Cook

People are always going to talk about you. Might as well give them something to talk about.

-Unknown

I haven't committed a crime. What is did was fail to comply with the law.

-Unknown

Some people say holding on is what makes you strong. But sometimes it takes more strength just to let go and move on.

-Unknown

Mommy...Johnny brought a gun to school,

He told his friends that it was cool,

And when he pulled the trigger back,

It shot with a great, huge crack.

Mommy, I was a good girl, I did what I was told,

I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold!

When I went to school that day,

I never said good-bye.

I'm sorry that I had to go, But Mommy, please don't cry.

When Johnny shot the gun, he hit me and another,

And all because Johnny, got the gun from his brother.

Mommy, please tell Daddy; That I love him very much,

And please tell Zack; my boyfriend; That it wasn't just a crush.

And tell my little sister; That she is the only one now, And tell my dear sweet grandmother; I'll be waiting for her now

And tell my wonderful friends; That they always were the best

Mommy, I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest

Mommy, tell my teachers; I won't show up for class,

And never to forget this, And please don't let this pass

Mommy, why'd it have to be me? No one, though. deserves this.

But mommy, it's not fair, I left without a kiss.

But mommy, it's not fair, I left without a kiss.

I think I even saw one doctor, trying not to cry.

Mommy, I'm slowly dying, with a bullet in my chest,

But Mommy please remember, I'm in heaven with the rest

When I heard that great, big crack, I ran as fast as I could

please listen to me if you would,

I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new

I guess I'm not going with Daddy, On that trip to the new zoo I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid,

I wanted to be an actress, I really wanted to live.

But Mommy I must go now, The time is getting late, Mommy, tell my Zack, I'm sorry I to cancel the date. I love you Mommy, I always have, I know you know its true

And Mommy all I need to say is, "Mommy, I love you"

92 percent American teens would die if Abecrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this into your profile if you would be in the 8 percent laughing their asses off at the others.

If you have ever stayed up for over 40 hours continuously just because you frickin' could, copy this into your profile.

A Dads Poem

Her hair was up in a pony tail, her favorite dress tied with a bow.

Today was Daddy's Day at school, and she couldn't wait to go. But her mommy tried to tell her, that she probably should stay home.

Why the kids might not understand, if she went to school alone.

But she was not afraid; she knew just what to say. What to tell her classmates of why he wasn't there today. But still her mother worried, for her to face this day alone. And that was why once again, she tried to keep her daughter home.

But the little girl went to school eager to tell them all. About a dad she never sees a dad who never calls. There were daddies along the wall in back, for everyone to meet.

Children squirming impatiently, anxious in their seats. one by one the teacher called a student from the class. To introduce their daddy, as seconds slowly passed.

At last the teacher called her name, every child turned to stare. each of them was searching, for a man who wasn't there.

"Where's her daddy at?" she heard a boy call out.

"She probably doesn't have one," another student dared to shout.

And from somewhere near the back, she heard a daddy say, "Looks like another deadbeat dad, too busy to waste his day."

The words did not offend her, she smiled up at her Mom and looked back at her teacher, who told her to go on.

And with hands behind her back, slowly she began to speak. And out from the mouth of a child, came words incredibly unique.

"My Daddy couldn't be here, because he lives so far away. But I know he wishes he could be, since this is such a special day. And though you cannot meet him, I wanted you to know. All about my daddy, and how much he loves me so. He loved to tell me stories, he taught me to ride my bike. He surprised me with pink roses, and taught me to fly a kite. We used to share fudge sundaes, and ice cream in a cone. And though you cannot see him. I'm not standing here alone. "Cause my daddy's always with me, even though we are apart I know because he told me, he'll forever be in my heart"

With that, her little hand reached up, and lay across her chest. Feeling her own heartbeat, beneath her favorite dress. And from somewhere in the crowd of dads, her mother stood in tears. Proudly watching her daughter, who was wise beyond her years. For she stood up for the love of a man not in her life. Doing what was best for her, doing what was right. And when she dropped her hand back down, staring straight into the crowd. She finished with a voice so soft, but its message clear and loud.

"I love my daddy very much, he's my shining star. And if he could, he'd be here, but heaven's just too far. You see he was a fireman and died just this past year when airplanes hit the towers and taught Americans to fear. But sometimes when I close my eyes, it's like he never went away."

And then she closed her eyes, and saw him there that day. And to her mother’s amazement, she witnessed with surprise. A room full of daddies and children, all starting to close their eyes. Who knows what they saw before them, who knows what they felt inside. Perhaps for merely a second, they saw him at her side.

"I know you're with me Daddy," to the silence she called out.

And what happened next made believers, of those once filled with doubt. Not one in that room could explain it, for each of their eyes had been closed. But there on the desk beside her, was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose.

And a child was blessed, if only for a moment, by the love of her shining star. And given the gift of believing, that heaven is never too far.

‘They’ say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.

Send this to the people you'll never forget and remember to send it also to the person that sent it to you. It's a short message to let them know that you'll never forget them. If you don't send it to anyone, it means you're in a hurry and that you've forgotten your friends.

Take the time...to live and love. Until eternity. May you be blessed.

-xXx-

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

-xXx-

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

-xXx-

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The te acher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

-xXx-

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honour" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

-xXx-

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE . God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

-xXx-

REASONS TO JOIN THE DARK SIDE (If you wish to join add this list to your profile):

1. We have cookies (last I checked there was hot chocolate too)

2. Meet the recruitment bunny!

3. You get a cool dark cape that covers your whole body!

4. You get a really cool crazy laugh! Practice with me people: MWA HAHAHAHA cough cough!

5. You get to walk out of shadows mysteriously and freak out the good guy!

6. One word: UNDERLINGS! Someone to get things for you when you're too lazy to do them yourself... Now that's the life

7. Money Money Money : Ever notice that we are usually much richer than the good guys?

8. (Reason I joined) Does there have to be a reason? The dark side is fun! -Flails arms-

-xXx-

Life is all about ass. Everyone's either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, trying to get a piece of it, or simply, just being one.

-xXx-

At last! My plans for world domination are complete! MAHAHAHAA? Oh look, something shiny...must go look.

-xXx-

Labels are for cans, and in case you haven't noticed-I'm not a can.

-xXx-

Note to Self: Normal is just a setting on washing machines.

-xXx-

"Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED Apparently you told Santa that you have been good this year...he died laughing."

-xXx-

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going, and hook up with them later.

-xXx-

The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.

-xXx-

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

-xXx-

If you can't fix it with duck tape you haven't used enough!

-xXx-

I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on eBay.

-xXx-

STRESS: A condition brought on by over-riding the bodies natural desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately deserves it.

-xXx-

There are people in Africa that can't afford sarcasm, and yet, you abuse it.

-xXx-

Being mature is overrated.

-xXx-

Being weird is like being normal, only better.

-xXx-

I see regular people!

-xXx-

Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright.

-xXx-

There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is full.

-xXx-

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

-xXx-

Life isn't passing me by, its trying to run me over.

-xXx-

When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

-xXx-

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.

-xXx-

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it

-xXx-

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?

-xXx-

As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of days saved up.

-xXx-

Make a man a fire, keep him warm for a day. Set a man on fire, keep him warm for life

-xXx-

Officer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!

-xXx-

I'm not littering...I'm donating to the Earth

-xXx-

I've got A.D.D and magic markers, oh the thrills I will have! ( I don't really have ADD )

-xXx-

Life is like a pack of gum... I've yet to figure out why.

-xXx-

Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history.

-xXx-

You call me a B well a B is a female dog. A dog barks. Bark is on trees. Trees are a part of nature. Nature is beautiful. So thanks for the compliment :D

-xXx-

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

-xXx-

If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch?

-xXx-

My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

-xXx-

Never knock on Death’s door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hates that.

-xXx-

Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out

-xXx-

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

-xXx-

WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff

-xXx-

I’m not afraid of Death, what’s it gonna do kill me

-xXx-

It’s always the last place you look. Of course it is why would I keep looking after I’ve found it?

-xXx-

Person #1: Happiness is just around the corner!
Person #2: Too bad the world is round!

-xXx-

Growing old is mandatory...growing up is optional...

-xXx-

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three

-xXx-

I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.

-xXx-

We fall for stupid boys, we make lots of dumb mistakes, we like to act stupid, talk really fast, and laugh really loud. But us teenage girls our good at 2 things: Staying Strong, and Being Ourselves.

-xXx-

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you're a mile away and have their shoes

-xXx-

Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.

-xXx-

I smile because I have no idea what’s going on.

-xXx-

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.

-xXx-

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers

-xXx-

One bright day in the middle of the night,
Two dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back they faced each other,
Drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise
And ran to save the two dead boys.
And if you don't believe it's true,
Go ask the blind man, he saw it too.

-xXx-

America's Intelligence:

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(And that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure?)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(But no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(Somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

-xXx-

Hippopotomonstrousaequipodaliophobic - Fear of long words.

there were 3girls

They were looking through peoples
MySpaces.

The girl slowly came upon this one
myspace.

It had creatures in the background and the man
looked like a psycho.

She started laughing with her friend commenting on how ugly he was.

Right then, an instant message came up.

It said:

SatanStalker: So how do u like my
MySpace??

XxLoVemExX: What??

XxLoVemExX: Who is this anyway??

SatanStalker: Well, you should know;
youre looking at my MySpace right now.

XxLoVemExX: How do you know that im looking at ur pro??

SatanStalker:I know when people look at my MySpace.

XxLoVemExX: What? That doesnt make
any sense, how?

SatanStalker: I just do.

Satanstalker: Especially to pretty girls like you.

Satanstalker: With very nice legs I might say.

At the time the girl was wearing high
shorts.

She started to pull them down a little bit to cover what
ever she could. Her and her friend started to get
worried now.

XxLoVemExX: Ok whatever man youre starting to scare the living heck out of me.

SatanStalker: You should be afraid.

SatanStalker: You wouldnt want an ugly guy like me touching your legs huh? I mean thats what you
just said about me with your friend like a
minute ago.

They were in shock.

Her friend: Holy crap man just block him
hes a fing psycho!

The girl: Ok holy crap, you think hes
watching us?

SatanStalker: I am.

SatanStalker: Well it wouldnt really
matter if you blocked me anyway; it wouldnt stop me
from coming to your house.

XxLoVemExX: What? My house?

SatanStalker: Yeah, youre alone so its
not a problem.

XxLoVemExX: Ok I think Im going to leave now because youre freaking me out.

SatanStalker: Your screen name says
love me, trust me that wont be a problem.

SatanStalker has just signed off.

The girl and her friend were really
scared. Girls

friend:

Whatever lets just go upstairs trust me I doubt hes really coming. Its just a joke from someone.

They went upstairs and were having a pillow fight.

All of a sudden the girls friend said she had to go to the bathroom. The girl said ok.

Ten minutes later the girl noticed that her friend was
still in the bathroom and was wondering what was up.

She goes and knocks but no one said
anything

she opens it and finds her friend there on
the ground dead. She started to scream but when she
turned around he was there. News the next morning said that there was one girl dead in the bathroom;

her neck sliced with blood all over the ground. with her head nailed to the wall. Just her head.

If you do not repost this in the next two
minutes here will be three men, one in your
bathroom,

one in your room, and one killing your parents at that
very moment.

Tonight at 1:30 am. Well, what are you waiting for?

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Resilient by beautifulmoment reviews
Ten years is a long time. One hundred and fifty-eight is longer. She never stopped loving him, he never stopped looking for her. Love is more powerful than any measure of time apart. - Being Rewritten.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 2 - Words: 340 - Reviews: 219 - Favs: 182 - Follows: 78 - Updated: 12/10/2014 - Published: 5/13/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Another Cinderella by vampireobsesser reviews
Bella has been abused all her life. After her mother dies,she moves to live with Charlie. But Charlie has gotten remarried. And then there's Edward,the player who has always gotten every girl,except Bella. How will she deal with him and Charlie?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 38 - Words: 30,515 - Reviews: 507 - Favs: 302 - Follows: 259 - Updated: 7/3/2013 - Published: 8/7/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Love, Friendship, Fate by Ravita19 reviews
Alice, Edward & Bella have always been best friends. Even at 8, Bella has always known she was in love with Edward who is in love with Alice. What happens when Edward moves and returns 10 years later to find that everything is not what it seems? All Human
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 27 - Words: 119,364 - Reviews: 534 - Favs: 407 - Follows: 294 - Updated: 6/8/2012 - Published: 9/26/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Back Home by osocurly reviews
Bella is a musical prodigy who is also one of the youngest to ever attend and graduate from Julliard the other being Edward and after six years she decides to return home to Forks. But what happens when she returns and all doesn't go as planned.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Friendship - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,503 - Reviews: 70 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 27 - Updated: 12/31/2011 - Published: 6/18/2009 - Bella
Classic Cullen Moments by Sarahgotbored reviews
(Discontinued. Only reason this hasn't been deleted is because I'm a sentimental freak and like to look back on things I wrote when I was 13. Quite frankly it's awful, Stay away!)
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor/Supernatural - Chapters: 58 - Words: 52,818 - Reviews: 1316 - Favs: 380 - Follows: 205 - Updated: 12/28/2011 - Published: 12/9/2008 - Complete
Secret Valentine by Ed-and-Jane reviews
Bella's daughter, Ali, has grown into a fine young woman leading a double life. But when her anger takes over, her real father is revealed. When she sets out to find him she discovers family secrets and her mother's mysterious past. Sequel to Tears of Joy
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 7 - Words: 10,476 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 9/1/2011 - Published: 7/13/2009 - Bella
Love in Music by katiecav reviews
AUH. Sequel to Truth in Music. Bella and Edward were ready for their hapily ever after. They were in love, engaged and expecting a baby, but fate, lies and Edward's not so pleasent past threaten to tear them apart. Drama is sure to ensue.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 23 - Words: 45,386 - Reviews: 111 - Favs: 82 - Follows: 50 - Updated: 11/30/2010 - Published: 2/20/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
My New Life by twilightluver2013 reviews
Bella's mom just died and she moves to Forks to meet her brother for the first time. Will she fall in love with one of his friends? What happens to her best friend in Phoenix and what happened to her in Albuquerque? Bella/Edward
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 20 - Words: 44,677 - Reviews: 199 - Favs: 114 - Follows: 112 - Updated: 11/28/2010 - Published: 6/5/2009 - Bella, Edward
Maina's Games by Ed-and-Jane reviews
Maina has always had to hide part of herself from the rest of the world, but when she volunteers for Prim in the Hunger Games, will she blow her family's well kept secret for good?
Hunger Games - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Friendship - Chapters: 16 - Words: 24,118 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 10/25/2010 - Published: 9/7/2009 - Peeta M.
Forks High by Xtina316 reviews
Bella Swan is the most popular girl at Forks High.When her sister Alice returns to town Bella vows to make her pay for destroying her family.What she doesn't count on is falling for Alices best friend.What happens when all the walls she built are broken?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 47 - Words: 118,412 - Reviews: 456 - Favs: 326 - Follows: 150 - Updated: 9/21/2010 - Published: 4/3/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Werewolves and Vampires: ON HOLD by Darken.For.Tear.Drops reviews
What if Bella had a twin sister? What if they were both werewolves? What if there was 2 packs and one was all female and more powerful then the males? What if Bella imprinted on Jasper?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 9 - Words: 5,418 - Reviews: 117 - Favs: 213 - Follows: 196 - Updated: 8/16/2010 - Published: 6/25/2009 - Bella, Jasper
This Love by MRS.waitforit.STARK reviews
Bella watched her parents die, and the Cullens took her in. But, Bella is a seven year old that knows too much. The Volturi want her dead, until Aro notices Bella's possible power. Raised by the Volturi, Bella see's things differently, like love.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 22 - Words: 44,734 - Reviews: 322 - Favs: 199 - Follows: 140 - Updated: 8/15/2010 - Published: 2/28/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
You Serve Me by MyMomThinksImAwesome reviews
Gods damn that Percy Jackson, with his jet black hair, amazing green eyes, and beautiful girlfriend. Rachel's trapped in her lonely title as Oracle. Until, of course, her master comes along to set her free. One shot, slash, REDxApollo, RxR
Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,346 - Reviews: 44 - Favs: 80 - Follows: 23 - Published: 7/6/2010 - Apollo, Rachel D. - Complete
Crush by Fangirl17 reviews
Edward's a player,but when he starts to have feelings for his sister's dorky bestfriend, he goes awol for her. No matter how many times he tries to walk away,and ignore his feelings, he keeps coming back. Is it just a crush or is he falling in love?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 19 - Words: 28,143 - Reviews: 375 - Favs: 249 - Follows: 178 - Updated: 6/28/2010 - Published: 5/31/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Anderson County Recipe by Strawberry Dawn reviews
The McCarty clan was known as a wild bunch in the hills of Anderson County, Tennessee. They worked hard and played hard, and were well respected in the community. What happened when the most popular of the seven McCarty boys disappeared?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family - Chapters: 18 - Words: 27,330 - Reviews: 106 - Favs: 48 - Follows: 37 - Updated: 6/6/2010 - Published: 5/2/2009 - Emmett, Rosalie
Foreverlost in Twilight by xXxXGaara'sOneAndOnlyXxXx reviews
3 Girls are supposed to die in a car accident but they dont . . . Who saves them and what happens to them after? read to find out . . . .
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 9 - Words: 12,245 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 4/30/2010 - Published: 9/19/2009
The Hereafter by LovingWords reviews
Jacob has just witnessed the woman that he loves marry another man, well, vampire. Soon she will be transformed and in turn become his enemy. Ada is haunted by a past she is trying to escape. Little do they know, their worlds are about to collide, spiraling them into a future that is uncertain. AU. Jacob/Ada. More in profile.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 9 - Words: 20,896 - Reviews: 44 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 27 - Updated: 4/22/2010 - Published: 5/20/2009 - Jacob
Forgive and Forget? Never! by CrazyDaisyDaisy reviews
Bella is a broken hybrid who moves to forks. Because of her horrid past, she resents every vampire except her family. What happens when she meets the Cullens and a ceritan bronze-haired vampire? Will sparks fly, or will Edward be pushed away by her fears?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 28 - Words: 52,757 - Reviews: 224 - Favs: 193 - Follows: 175 - Updated: 4/4/2010 - Published: 6/23/2009 - Bella, Edward
Vampire Kisses: Family Fun by procrastinatornow reviews
Raven's cousin has to come stay with the Madison family. She's not goth or a prep but she's certainly not the kind of person Raven want's to be assosciated with. It's not always easy to get along with your family
Vampire Kisses - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 12 - Words: 14,397 - Reviews: 56 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 27 - Updated: 3/4/2010 - Published: 1/13/2009
the new girls in forks by GuitarGirlxoxo reviews
take the mediators Suze and Twilight's Bella. and place them both in Forks. with Vampires, werewolves and now.. GHOSTS!
Crossover - Mediator & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Supernatural - Chapters: 13 - Words: 13,423 - Reviews: 54 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 1/24/2010 - Published: 7/4/2009 - Susannah S., Bella
the new Cullen the story of Isadora by GuitarGirlxoxo reviews
This is my first fanfiction so i'm not sure if it's any good or not. Isadora is a young girl Bella finds with a near fatal stab wound when she's hunting, what happens to her, ad will she get her revenge on the man who ruined her life?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 16 - Words: 9,813 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 12/17/2009 - Published: 6/4/2009 - Complete
Extended Family by x23453 reviews
Emmett and Rosalie left the Cullens to adopt a child, Bella. What happens when later on in life she comes across the other Cullens at high school and sparks fly between her and Edward? Cute/ Fluffy story.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 32 - Words: 44,491 - Reviews: 764 - Favs: 474 - Follows: 381 - Updated: 11/24/2009 - Published: 6/6/2009 - Bella, Edward
Bringing the Past back by Darken.For.Tear.Drops reviews
The sequel to The Past of Isabella: The Immortal child.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 17 - Words: 12,943 - Reviews: 202 - Favs: 378 - Follows: 129 - Updated: 11/8/2009 - Published: 7/10/2009 - Alec, Bella - Complete
Little Bella Cullen by tammyxcullen reviews
Bella is found by the Cullens when she is 3 and is all alone after her family dies from a car crash. She grows up in a house full of vampires. Funny.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 26 - Words: 48,766 - Reviews: 1034 - Favs: 697 - Follows: 642 - Updated: 11/7/2009 - Published: 7/13/2008 - Bella, Edward
The Halloween Parade by MissTomorrow reviews
Nessie volunteers the Cullens in a Halloween parade! Good fun.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 956 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 12 - Published: 10/19/2009 - Alice, Renesmee C./Nessie - Complete
The Supermarket Tales by xscarredx13 reviews
When Bella Swan's annoyingly picky cousin, Rosalie, sends her off to buy some cereal, she meets a guy who's hot enough to look good in a Shop Rite shirt. All Human, AU.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 909 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 10 - Published: 10/19/2009 - Bella, Edward
Happy birthday! by innocent.vampire reviews
Edward and Bella has been often fighting since 5th grade. but Alice's gift will change it all. One-shot...
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,733 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 1 - Published: 10/3/2009 - Edward, Bella
Officer Goodbody by Kambria Rain reviews
Fresh out of rehab, Nessie decides to reconnect with her big sister Bella. Staying out of trouble isn’t so easy, especially with a cop living next door. Companion piece to Bella Swan: Kidnapper. The missing moments of Jake and Nessie.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 14 - Words: 38,572 - Reviews: 1958 - Favs: 1,824 - Follows: 499 - Updated: 8/28/2009 - Published: 7/20/2009 - Renesmee C./Nessie, Jacob - Complete
Jacob's Camera Phone by MyMomThinksImAwesome reviews
One-shot. Lemons and cursing. That's all I'm going to say. And no, this isn't a creepy Jacob-Edward fic.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Horror/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 868 - Reviews: 40 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 4 - Published: 8/10/2009 - Edward - Complete
Long Lost friends by Mrs.DamonS reviews
Bella is 8 and lives with the Cullen’s, she’s the only one allowed to call Edward, Eddie. What happens when something makes the Cullen’s give Bella up for adoption? Will Edward be able to forget her? What happens 17 yrs later when they come back?
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Family/Romance - Chapters: 25 - Words: 29,959 - Reviews: 408 - Favs: 224 - Follows: 110 - Updated: 7/28/2009 - Published: 6/16/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Subway Mistake by osocurly reviews
Bella and Emmett were twins seperated at birth so were Jasper and Rosalie and Edward and Alice. They've only seen each other once when the we're 11. What happenes when 6 years later they see each other in the subway and don't recognize each other?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 95 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 7/28/2009 - Published: 6/21/2009
The Doll House by Kambria Rain reviews
We were all going to die. I used to be an optimistic person, but that went out the window as soon as the hot mountain man decided we were going to hunt the hunters. AH. Warning: So far, there are minor character deaths, and Edward's a little scary.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Horror/Mystery - Chapters: 15 - Words: 43,019 - Reviews: 1294 - Favs: 1,496 - Follows: 441 - Updated: 7/15/2009 - Published: 5/15/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Past of Isabella: The Immortal Child by Darken.For.Tear.Drops reviews
What if Bella is also older then what she looks? What if she knew vampires before the Cullens? This is before Twilight, before Carlisle was born! This is Bella as an Immortal Child.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Drama - Chapters: 23 - Words: 15,675 - Reviews: 163 - Favs: 474 - Follows: 148 - Updated: 7/10/2009 - Published: 6/9/2009 - Bella, Marcus - Complete
Clear Sky by PeggiePatch reviews
Alice sees her first in a vision. A very familiar scene. None of the top doctors could work out what's wrong with her. Except Carlisle. These symptoms are too familiar. Who is Jade? And how has she managed to get sucked into their world? Sumari sux. R&R
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Angst - Chapters: 7 - Words: 11,855 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 7/9/2009 - Published: 4/17/2009
Leaving, Then Coming Back, But Changed by vampireobsesser reviews
Bella, Edward, and Alice have been friends since they were little. But what happens when Bella moves? Who are the new kids? Why did Edward turn player? please read and reveiw all human
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 33 - Words: 25,363 - Reviews: 530 - Favs: 233 - Follows: 218 - Updated: 7/7/2009 - Published: 8/7/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Superior Visitors by overloyalbuddy reviews
Post BD. The Cullens are suprised when a strange coven of vampires come with a dire warning about the Volturi...and an offer. My first fanfic. Rated T just in case I go over the edge.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Friendship - Chapters: 14 - Words: 7,912 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 6/27/2009 - Published: 4/23/2009 - Complete
Bella Swan: Kidnapper by Kambria Rain reviews
Um. Hi. I don’t really know how to say this, but I have your kids with me, and I was thinking maybe you would like them back. So yeah… call me.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 23 - Words: 74,736 - Reviews: 8685 - Favs: 14,118 - Follows: 2,923 - Updated: 6/27/2009 - Published: 5/15/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Routine Gone Wrong by My Vampire Sparkles reviews
Bella cuts herself accidentally shaving her legs in the shower while Edward is out hunting with Emmett and Jasper. Emmett plays a prank on Edward leading to Edward hunting Emmett. Edward catches Bella's scent, dun-dun-duh! My first fanfic, please review!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 13 - Words: 34,246 - Reviews: 123 - Favs: 71 - Follows: 79 - Updated: 6/24/2009 - Published: 12/29/2008 - Bella, Edward
My silly little stupid liar by InLoveJA reviews
Edward left, Bella was changed after. she leaves her creator who has feelings for her. She's trying to find the Cullens. 'Cause she's not gonna let Edward stay away. She has a feeling he still loves her.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 7 - Words: 9,536 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 18 - Updated: 6/22/2009 - Published: 5/22/2009 - Complete
Bella,Shut Up! by kat-heart-twilight reviews
Bella's first day to school as a vampire. This follows on through their new life. Everything belong to Stephenie Meyer
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 27 - Words: 15,441 - Reviews: 386 - Favs: 158 - Follows: 112 - Updated: 6/15/2009 - Published: 1/19/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
No One Can by TeamEmSper reviews
OOC Jacob. If you like Bella, don't read. One-shot. I don't own Jake or Bella
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 495 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 4 - Published: 6/6/2009 - Bella, Jacob - Complete
MY New Life by Rachael Elizabeth Cullen reviews
After bella's mom dies she if forced to go live with her father and brother that she hasn't seen or heard from since she was 2... will she like it their or will she try to do what ever it takes to get out of Forks..BxE... summary sucks... first story.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 3,139 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 4/7/2009 - Published: 1/6/2009 - Bella, Edward
The Stages of Love by Fangirl17 reviews
Edward and Bella can't stand each other, but when Edward finds out that Bella gets beaten by Charlie, what will he do? Will Edward save Bella or will she be left alone. *ALL HUMAN*
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 15 - Words: 20,598 - Reviews: 465 - Favs: 282 - Follows: 187 - Updated: 1/22/2009 - Published: 10/31/2008 - Complete
The Ring, A Short Story by EdgeOfDesire reviews
Edward POV. Edward finally accepts the fact that there's nothing he can do to leave Bella, so he gets the guts up to propose, but what's supposed to be an exciting day, turns out totally wrong. Please read A/N & please R&R this story! i need critique!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,145 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 10/30/2008 - Published: 10/2/2008 - Complete
Spiral Static by Coquettishness reviews
NOW COMPLETE. Newly married, Edward and Bella explore their relationship in new ways, opening themselves up to unfamiliar and sometimes frightening experiences, unaware that danger follows them at each turn. Until it catches up with them, that is. E/B.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 10 - Words: 43,060 - Reviews: 861 - Favs: 1,313 - Follows: 407 - Updated: 7/19/2008 - Published: 7/3/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
My Little Long Lost Sister reviews
When Edward's long lost sister is discorvered secrets are revieled and created. Will Ashley be accepted by the Cullens or Edward? Will she discover love or friends? Will she have a power or more than one? Will everything fall apart or become better?
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 152 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 7/27/2010 - Published: 6/24/2009