Poll: Should I rewrite Money Filled Freedom? Vote Now!
Author has written 2 stories for Harry Potter.
New Money Filled Freedom posted on A03:
just remove all the spaces.
ONLY IN AMERICA...
...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance
...are there handicap parking spaces in front of ice-skating rinks
...sick people go to the back of Walgreens to get their medicine, while healthy people get their cigarettes at the front
...people buy hotdogs in packs of 10 and hotdog buns in packs of 8
...the banks leave both vaults open and then chain the pens to the counter
...people order a double cheese burger, large fries, and a diet coke
...people leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveways and keep their junk in garages
...people use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so they won't miss the calls from someone they don't want to talk to in the first place
...is the word "politics" used to describe the process so well; "Poli-" in latin means "many" and "tics" mean "blood-sucking creatures.
Things I'm not allowed to do at Hogwarts:
No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class
Polishing my wand in the common room is acceptable. “Polishing my wand” in the common room is not.
“Liften Separatis Crotchum” is not a real spell.
If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw the Dark Mark on their arm.
I will not call the DADA teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak.
I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class.
I will stop asking the Arithmancy teacher what the square root of -1 is.
I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.
Professor Flitwick’s first name is not Yoda.
When fighting Death Eaters in the annual June battle of Good v. Evil, I
It is inappropriate to slip sample bottles of Selsun Blue into Professor Snape’s personal postbox.I will not put books of muggle fairy tales in the history section of the library.
I will not refer to the Accio charm as “The Force”.
Albus Dumbledore’s proper title is “Headmaster”, not “My Liege”.
I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I foresaw her death.
If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.
I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing.
I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they are real animals.
I will not tell first years that they should build a tree house in the Whomping Willow.
I will not tell first years that Moon Prism Power is a basic Transfiguration spell.
I will never ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling.
I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.
I will not sing “We’re off to see the wizard” when sent to the Headmaster’s office.
The Whomping Willow is not an Entwife.
I shall not give Professor Snape a bottle of shampoo for Christmas.
I may not chase Seamus Finnegan around school in search of his ‘Pot o’ Gold’. Nor am I allowed to tell people he’s a leprechaun on steroids.
I may not refer to Sirius Black as ‘Seriously Black’.
I am not allowed to ask First Years if they need help ‘polishing their wand’. No matter how funny their reactions are.