Some things are just too evil for words.
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So. You have found me, and I exist partially before you, in text format:
Sir Eladon the Loyalist, son of Elanod; His Critical-Minded Bitterness, Knight of the Fraternity of Assholes, Military Governor of the Development Thread, Known among all men as The Necessary Evil. Whose Chief Duties signify: Sealer of Plot Holes, Attacker of Inconsistencies, and Master of Constructive Brutal Criticisms. Fear and detest him, for he is the Bearer of the unholy artifact, the SMILE bracelet of all that is evil. Occasionally referred to as Prince du Sang.
To some, he is known as Mortis Magnum, Lord of Zombie Condoms, Ruler of the Dead, High Commander of the Undead, and Master of all that Should not be in this World but is.
Others believe that Mortis Magnum himself is a lieutenant in Eladon's service. Attempts to acquire an answer on this subject from Eladon himself have resulted in dismemberment.
And lo, he said unto them then the most wise words they would ever hear in their immortal lives:
You know what? Fuck this.
You can find me on fictionpress.com, under the same name.