Author has written 2 stories for Mass Effect, and Kingdom Hearts.
My age: 17
Music: Pretty much anything except for heavy metal(all genres of it), opera, electronic, and (those of you who are religious, don't kill for saying this) christian/gospel
Dislikes: rude people, liers(liars?), people who hurt others to make themselves feel better, the guys who give the rest of the male population a bad name(you know the ones, and unfortunately there's alot of them), girls who only like guys with lots of money, girls who use guys to make their ex-boyfriends/ friends jealous, people who are racist, people who are rude and disrespectful to any extent to those who are homosexuals because they are homosexuals, people who talk on their cell phones loudly in public, people who talk on their cell phones while ordering food at fast food restaurants(especially when they're in the drive through), and people who do what ever they want because they think they're above everyone else
About Myself: My name is Michael Barnes and if you were paying attention to the information above you already know my age and gender. I love to read. Alot. I'll try any book and if it is interesting I will keep reading it. And if it is not, well I should say it is obvious what I'd do. When I'm not reading I'm either: a) on my laptop, b) playing video games or, c) at work. I work at McDonalds, and its really not as bad as some people think. I get paid pretty well, 7.80 an hour. My favorite subjects in school are science and math. After high school I plan to go to college to study to become a forensic scientist. Also I'm really interested in Ancient Greek culture and the greek language. I'm also currently learnig to speak french (est-ce qu'il y a quelqu'un qui parle français?). Oh yeah, there'something I forgot to put up above. I am a cat person. They are so much better than dogs. Well that's about all you need to know about me. Continue on to something else if you want.
When life gives you lemons, alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS!
It takes 34 muscles to frown
34 muscles to smile
and 4 muscles to stick up your middle finger and say "Bite Me!"
Here's another one but not so appropriate...
Too often we lose sight of life's simple pleasures.
Remember, it only takes 42 muscles to frown But,
it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm
and bitch slap that mother fucker across the face.
Pass it on...
Try to Read This
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal
pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a
rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't
mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer
be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl
mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling
was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!
Here's a joke...
there are 3 men who need to get across a lake...
the 1st one prays to God asking for the strength to get across...
he gets big muscles and swims across...
but almost dies 5 times...
the 2nd 1 prays to God for the strength and the tools he needs to get across...
he gets his big muscles and boat and rows across...
but he almost dies 3 times...
the 3rd 1 prays to God, for the strength, tools, and the brains...
he turns into a woman...
walks 4 yards...
and crosses the bridge
The Stupidest Things On Products
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Too late!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (As night follows day . . .)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Walmart Great Value Whipped Cream (no dircetions): "Use only as directed." (And how exactly would that be?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope.)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash.)
On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.)
On a Myer hairdryer:"Do not use while sleeping."(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."(Wow. That's really helpful)
On a child's superman costume:"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly". (Awh, that's the whole purpose of buying the costume!)
On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands orgenitals".(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
On a package of pasta after the cooking instructions:"Put on fork and eat."(No! Really? We're supposed to eat food?!)
On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how??)
On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But, it's just a suggestion).
Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?
Girl: Do you like me?
Girl: Do you want me?
Girl: Would you cry if I left?
Girl: Would you live for me?
Girl: Would you do anything for me?
Girl: Choose--me or your life
Boy: My life
The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says...
The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.
The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.
The reason I don't want you is because I need you.
The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.
The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.
The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you.
The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.
If you find this incredibly cute and touching, copy and paste it into your profile
(\ _ /)
This is Bunny.
You know you live in 2009 when...
1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.
2.) You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years.
3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don't have a screen name or my space.
4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV.
6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job...
7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.
8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.
9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.
10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.
11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.
12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did
If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.
If you've ever walked into a wall before copy this into your profile
If you ever fell off a chair backwards copy this into your profile
If you don't review, I won't write. If I don't write, you won't review. If you think people should review after they read, copy and paste this on your profile.
If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile
If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile
If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile
If you ever tripped over your own feet, copy this into your profile.
If you have embarrassing memories that make you want to smack yourself/ someone else, copy this into your profile
If you think that people who don't like PJO are crazy/stupid/losers, copy this into your profile.
If you think Hades is cool, copy and past this to your profile
Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.
If you've ever randomly fallen out of your chair, copy this into your profile.
There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.
If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.
If you think that Writer's Block sucks, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" things, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you talk back to the TV, copy this into your profile.
If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile
If you've ever fallen going up the stairs, copy this into your profile.
If you ever felt like just running somewhere, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.
If you can raed tihs, cpoy tihs itno yuor polrfie, and see if ohtres can raed it.
If you believe that over half of all you say/write/think doesn't come out right and is complete stupidity, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've ever walked into a wall because you were looking sideways at a friend, copy this into your profile.
If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer
If people shake their heads when they talk to you copy and paste this is your profile
If you run into inanimate objects...and then blame them for it copy and paste this in your profile
If you have ever ran into a mirror, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever run into a tree, copy this to your profile!
If you like chocolate as much as I do copy this in your profile
If you have ever tripped when there was a "watch your step" sign copy and paste this into your profile.
If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile!
If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.
If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile.
If you have an exceedingly long profile because of copy/paste items, copy this into your profile to make it even longer.
If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you ever tripped over your own feet, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.
TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR IS SANG TO THE SAME TUNE AS THE ALPHABET...copy this onto your profile if you just sang it in your head to see if its true.
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile
If you actually take the time to read copy and pastes, copy this onto your profile
If you think TV Golf is the most boring thing on TV...Copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have run up and down an escalator copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've ever tried to put your hair behind your ears and ended up poking yourself in the eye, copy this into your profile.
If you really, really hate when people tell you to read stupid books when you could be reading PJO, copy this into your profile.
if you only read PJO fanfiction stories if the summary says PERCABETH, copy and paste this into your profile
PERCABETH FOREVER!! (see above) IF YOU HATE PRACHEL, COPY AND PASTE THIS ONTO YOUR PROFILE
Too many people have died because of other's need of fame and fortune. If you care, post this on your profile.
If you are someone who begs to differ from the crowd, copy this and paste it into your profile.
If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you complain that your feet are cold, so your mom tells u to put on socks, but u never do just for the sake of being stubborn, copy this into your profile
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile
If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile
If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile.
If you ever forgot how to spell your own name, copy and paste this into your profile.
This is a sad story
(This is something sad that brought tears to my eyes ;_; )
A girl and guy were speeding over 100 mph on the road on a motorcycle...
Girl: Slow down, I'm scared.
Guy: No, this is fun.
Girl: No it's not. Please it's too scary!
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: Fine I love you. Slow down!
Guy: Now give me a BIG hug...
Girl hugs him
Guy: Can you take my helmet off and put it on yourself? It's bugging me.
(in the paper the next day)
A motorcycle had crashed into a building because of
Two people were on it, but only 1 had survived.
The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized that his brake broke, but he didn't want to let the girl know.
Instead,he had her say she loved him and felt her hug one last time, then he had her wear his helmet so that she would live even though it meant that he would die.
If you love any one this much...let them know...before its too late...
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
Having the love of your life say, "we can still be friends", is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.
The dinosaurs extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.
Its not until you're broken that you know what you're made of.
Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.
Silence is golden, duct tape is silver.
Life isn't passing me by, its trying to run me over.
People say "Guns don't kill people, People kill people!" Well, I think guns help. If you stood there and yelled Bang, I don't think you'd kill too many people.
When Life gives you lemons, squirt them in Life's eyes.
When life give you lemons, make apple juice and let the world wonder how you did it.
Everyone has a wild side--me and my friends just prefer to make them public
There is no "I" in team but the is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...
EMO=Extravagantly Made Oragami
YOUTUBE myspace and I'll Google your YAHOO
Labels are for cans. And in case you haven't noticed--Im not a can.
Normal is just a setting on washing machines.
To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you are woken up, shout, "AMEN!"
5.Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6.In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Marijuana
7.Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'.
9. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11.Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!'
18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner,'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'
20 And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity .
Copy and Paste this To Make People who read bios Smile.
How To Annoy People
Dress up like one of the photographers and follow people around asking them repeatly if they would like their picture taken.
Leave large gaps in between you and the people in front of you while waiting in line.
Every time you pass a chain restraint not in use, clip it on and use it to hold back the people behind you in line.
Ask the person running the roller coaster if someone has recently thrown up on it.
Pretend to freak out on a ride so they stop it to let you off.
Offer people money for their spots in line...MONOPOLY money.
Speak in Spanish, or pretend you're deaf and start making rapid hand movements.
Start talking about shaving your excess body hair in line while everyone around you is silent.
Find someone and tell them you're lost. Use your best acting skills.
Steal all of the pennies out of the water fountains.
Go up to the boy band wanna-be group and pretend to be really excited and ask for their autographs, reassuring them that they're gonna make it big soon.
Take an Alka-Seltzer tablet and begin to have spasmatic movements in your body while foaming at the mouth at the very top of the tallest ride.
Ask the ride attendant if you cannot ride because you are under the influence of herione, marijuana, crack, and every other drug you can think of.
Begin to cry when they start the merry-go-round and have them stop it because you're too scared to go all the way.
Start talking loudly about the last time you got stuck upside-down on this ride, scaring everyone in line around you.
Ask someone that looks like they're in a hurry for directions.
Complain about how dirty the seat is, and demand they clean it off.
Walk up to anyone in the park, and say "Hi, my name is your name" and offer a handshake.
Ask ANYONE for their autograph.
Advertise for a theme park...one you're not at.
Find someone to tell your life story to.
Whisper right in someone's ear, "I know what you did last summer."
Comment how good you look in every picture of you on a ride.
Make fun of everyone else in every set of pictures taken during the rides.
Go up to every character walking around and give them a big hug and call them your "hero."
Ride every water ride and infor meverybody with you that you can't swim and everyone's gonna drown.
9 Things I Hate About Everyone:
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.. I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2 People who are willing to get off their butt to search the entire room for the T.V.. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.
3 When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". darn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4 When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Idiots!
5 When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid 12 to come to the cinema and stare at the darn floor.
6 People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
8 When people say "life is short". What the heck?? Life is the longest darn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?
9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbie?
Idk. It's funny though
Did you know...
kissing is healthy.
bananas are good for period pain.
it's good to cry.
chicken soup actually makes you feel better.
94 percent of boys would love it if you sent them flowers.
lying is actually unhealthy.
you really only need to apply mascara to your top lashes.
it's actually true, boys DO insult you when they like you.
89 percent of guys want YOU to make the first move.
it's impossible to apply mascara with your mouth closed.(my mother has to jut out her chin because she foged up the mirror)
chocolate will make you feel better.
most boys think it's cute when you say the wrong thing.
a good friend never judges.
a good foundation will hide all hickeys... not that you have any.
boys aren't worth your tears.
we all love surprises.
Honorary Member of The Book of Log.
If you worship the holyness that is the log, copy and paste this section onto your profile... although you may want to change the comments
Position: Log Worshipper
Possible Book of Log Positons:
Log Worshipper: Beginning position. No requirements
Log Priest: You have created at least 1 Naruto related fanfic that frequently (every 2-4 chapers) praises the almighty log and actually fits into the story
Log Pope (there can be more than 1 pope... its safer that way): you have created 3 naruto related fanfics that frequently praise the almighty log
OR the Fanfic that already occasionally praises the log has at least 400 reviews
OR you create a (decently made) Naruto fanfic focused on praising the log... log forbid.
Excerpt of the log number 124: when using the log to escape a fire jutsu, it is konoha custom to write an apology letter to the log, and depending on rank of jutsu escaped from depicts how many words are needed. c-rank, two thousand, B-rank, one thousand five hundred, a-rank, one thousand. only S-rank and higher or excused from the writing of the letter. even then, it is still reccommended.
Log excerpt number 231: if konoha shinobi celebrate the holiday of Christmas, then it is required that they put gifts under the Christmas log. Use of a full tree is an insult to the log and if found out that shinobi is uneligible from using the log for a period of two months.
Log excerpt number 437: Use of the log in a situation that clearly could be avoided using a variety of other methods or techniques is looked down upon. In order to repent for such actions, the following steps should be taken:
For every dent caused by your replacement you shall plant one sapling.
For every stab wound caused by your replacement you shall plant five
For every hole in the log caused by your replacement you shall plant ten
For every detached piece of the log caused by your replacement you shall
For a destroyed and unusable log caused by your replacement you shall plant
If your log is defective you may call 1-800-BAD-LOGS to file a complaint. If
'and the willow sayeth unto the ninja: wherefore dost i weep? 'tis tears of joy, as thy kin and mine together fell thine foes, who would bring the axe and torch to the wood. the log ist thine ally, and mine kin. calling upon the log, is to call upon me. to aid thee in battle, i weep my tear of joy.
'as the log takes your place, you become the log. the log becomes you. for a moment, you are an extension of the logs blessing unto ninja.'
'you are fools! your log is but a mockery of the power of ninja!- the ninja from the desert declared. and the people shook their heads.
'and as the smoke cleared, his foe stared in awe at the log. blackened and charred, the log crumbled. the ninja, filled with righteous wrath, fell upon his foe and slew him. he made his way to the log, and wept. his companion, the log that had accompanied him through so many battles, was no more. he spoke thus to his fallen companion: though now you have fallen in battle, you rest where the logs forever grow. the forest of life called for you, and you answered its call, as you did mine. i thank you my friend.'
'he despaired, for in this place of stone and earth, there was no logs to be found. reaching out with all his might, he begged for a log in the forsaken wasteland. and he was answered, and saved by the log, in a place where there were none.
'the log took his place and fell, forever into the abyss. the people, hearing of this, railed against him, in such numbers he swore to never endanger another log again. for many years, he fought without the log, growing more and more weary with each passing day. finally, he came across a foe that was too strong for him. as his life was about to end, he felt a familiar pull, and found himself out of harms way, seeing a log in his place. his stunned foe was felled in his stupor, and he approached the log, he knew it, for it was the same that fell so long ago. he asked of the log: why did you endanger yourself for me again? have you not done enough for me? and the log spoke: it is my duty, and our bond. we exist to save the ninja, and they exist to save the trees. we both play a part, for which i am content.'
Let it be known that it is absolutely forbidden to willingly perform the technique known as "1000 years of death" on a log. It is also equally frowned upon for one to replace oneself with a holy log for the purpose of avoiding said technique. The punishment for such actions is at least 6 months of banishment from the use of the holy log.
Finally! We have mathematical proof!!! I saw this and almost died laughing! XD
Proof that girls are evil
First we state that girls require time and money:
And as we all know "time is money":
And because “money is the root of all evil”:
We are forced to conclude that: