Lumberchuck
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Joined 06-29-09, id: 1988146, Profile Updated: 03-29-10
Author has written 6 stories for Twilight.

Hello! I'm not all that sure about what to write here. Hmmm. Well... there are so many awsome stories here on fanfiction that it inspired me to write my own. Go writers! (I hope that doesn't sound as lame to you as it does to me. :) )

My favorite characters in the Twilight series are Alice and Jasper, they're awesome! I also really like Seth and Emmett. :)

Some things you should probably know about my writing-

1) I'm a complete softie when it comes to love. There will probably be many romantic and mushy moments in my stories, so be forewarned. :)

2) I occasionally have issues with commas. I'm sorry about that.

3) I hate cities, and that often leaks through into my writing. I have nothing against people from cities, I just don't like the places themselves. That might somewhat stem from living in the COUNTRY part of New York. Whenever I go somewhere nearly everyone automatically assumes I'm from the big city. I try to avoid that place as much as possible. It's...I don't even know.

4) 90 percent of the time my stories in the Twilight universe are all human.

5) I try to keep the characters belivable but slightly unique. I have no idea if I suceed at that or not.

6) I take feedback and advice from reviews very seriously, and they keep me motivated. :)

7) Writing is my cup of joe and I love doing it! (If that even makes sense!)

Quotes:

"Today's my cat's birthday." -Red, Pineapple Express

"Rivers and rocks and trees have always been talking to us, but we've forgotten how to listen." -Michael Roads

"Advice is like snow; the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper it sinks into, the mind." -Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Love: cats, hiking, swimming, living in the country,writing, reading, laughing, anything funny, my family and friends, meatloaf (mostly the food, but also the musician), really cheesy horror movies( so I can make fun of them with my uncle), music, the sound of crickets, holidays, the change in seasons, climbing trees( and hopefully not falling out of them),nintendo 64, chocolate, and many, many, many other things.

Hate: Airplanes, socks, crowds, public speaking, pointless arguments, sad endings in fictional stories (aren't there enough of those in real life?), and cottage cheese.

Awesome bands/musicians: Nickelback, 3 doors down, Saving Abel, Aerosmith, Motley Crue, Poison, Guns and Roses, Journey, Good Charlotte, Fuel, Staind, Theory of a Deadman, Puddle of Mudd, Beastie Boys, Jo Dee Mesina, Blue October, ZZ Top, Warrant, Saving Jane, Rihanna, Toby Keith,The Offspring, Elvis Presley, Creed, ACDC,Sugarland, Van Halen, Tim McGraw, Seal, Bon Jovi, Scorpians, Shakira...

15 Things to do when you're in Walmart!

1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
10. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look
12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream... "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"
14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There's no toilet paper in here!"
15. Grab a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting, "Go, Pikachu, Go!"

RULES:

1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, ETC on Shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Put any comments in parentheses after the song name.

1. What would you say about your boyfriend?

Lost highway-by Bon Jovi

2. What is the first thing you say in the morning?

Boston-by Augustana

3. Your teacher is...

Not Meant to Be-by Theory of a Deadman (Hmm...)

4. What's written on your classroom's blackboard?

People are Crazy-by Billy Currington (True I suppose...)

5. How would you describe your next-door neighbors?

Stay-by sugarland

6. What would your Best Friend say about you?

Jamie's Crying-by Van Halen (Okey Dokey...)

7. How do you feel right now?

Afterlife-by Avenged Sevenfold (But I feel ALIVE!)

8. What’s on your bedside table right now?

Troubadour- by George Straight (interesting.)

9. What did you do when you woke up this morning?

If Today was your Last Day-by Nickleback

10. When you open your wardrobe, you see...

3 AM-by Matchbox Twenty (my closet holds the secrets of time!)

11. What did you say after you last attended a concert?

Somebody to Love-by Jefferson Airplane

12. If you had to write a Fan Fic right now, what would it be called?

The Ghost of You-by My Chemical Romance (Spooky.)

13. A song you would sing at your school's talent show.

Me and my Gang-by Rascal Flatts

14. Your life's theme song?

Everything's Magic-by Angels and Airwaves (aint that the truth...especially how some people manage to get pillows back into pillow cases...magic!)

15. How would you describe what you are doing this moment?

Rock you like a Hurricane-by the Scorpions (awwwkward.)

16. If you had to go and jump off a building, what would your last words be?

Potograph-by Nickelback

17. Your motto is...

Fight for Your Right to Party- by the Beastie Boys (Wooohooooo!)

18. If you could buy anything in this world, you would buy...

Great Balls of Fire-by Jerry Lee Lewis (once again, awwwkward...)

19. What did you dream about tonight?

Can't Touch This-by MC Hammer (hehe)

20. Any last words?

Smokin in the Boys Room- by Motley Crue (Rock Out!!)

More quotes!

"It's amazing how someone can break your heart, but you still love them with all the little pieces." -Unknown

"The sun rose slowly, like a fiery furball coughed up uneasily onto a sky-blue carpet by a giant unseen cat."- Michael McGarel

"You can't help that. We're all mad here." - The Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland

A meow massages the heart. - Stuart McMillan

XXXXXXX

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.
After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.
When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.
When he was close enough, he called out, 'Excuse me, where are we?'
'This is Heaven, sir,' the man answered.
'Wow! Would you happen to have some water?' the traveller asked.

'Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up.'
The man gestured, and the gate began to open.
'Can my friend,' gesturing toward his dog, 'come in, too?' the traveller asked.
'I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets.'
The man thought for a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.

After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence.
As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.
'Excuse me!' he called to the man. 'Do you have any water?'
'Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in.'
'How about my friend here?' the traveller gestured to the dog.
'There should be a bowl by the pump.'
They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.
The traveller filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog.
When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.
'What do you call this place?' the traveller asked.
'This is Heaven,' he answered.
'Well, that's confusing,' the traveller said. 'The man down the road said that was Heaven, too.'
'Oh, you mean the place with the golden street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell.'
'Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?'
'No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind.'

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Midnight Run by Inthemadhouse reviews
AU-AH. Alice has lived happily with her foster parents and three siblings for a long time. But what happens with Dr. Cullen gets a phone call asking him to take just one more teen?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family/Romance - Chapters: 31 - Words: 187,653 - Reviews: 1877 - Favs: 610 - Follows: 727 - Updated: 2/23 - Published: 7/28/2009 - Alice, Jasper
Pigtails and Toy Soldiers by Morbidly Obscure reviews
Our favorite Twilight characters are little kids, all under the age of nine. All human. ExB AxJ RxE maybe a little JxV. Fluff. Let's see what happens next. Trust me, it'll be cute. COMPLETE!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 43 - Words: 34,677 - Reviews: 355 - Favs: 153 - Follows: 98 - Updated: 9/24/2011 - Published: 12/27/2008 - Complete
When She Smiles by l'heure bleue reviews
Alice and Jasper have always been friends. First kiss at five, ”I love you” at six — and a terrible tragedy before they'd even begun high school. Can the love the share overcome the fear, and the pain? ”Daddy," he cried. ”Don't hurt me…” — COTN SIDE-STORY
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 24 - Words: 59,639 - Reviews: 5442 - Favs: 1,062 - Follows: 1,166 - Updated: 1/14/2011 - Published: 1/18/2009 - Alice, Jasper
Edward the Sugar Queen by Nina Windia reviews
Edward is a sugar addicted seventeen-year old who thinks he is a vampire. He is in love with Charlie Swan, who drives in the town's supply of sugar every week. But when Bella arrives, she decides to destroy their relationship and take Edward for her own.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 22 - Words: 32,462 - Reviews: 349 - Favs: 191 - Follows: 150 - Updated: 12/23/2010 - Published: 4/29/2009 - Edward, Charlie S. - Complete
Forgiveness for the Damned by DaughterOfSorceress-Lion reviews
Post New Moon/Pre Eclipse. With Bella under house arrest, Alice brought the shopping to Bella, with Jasper in tow. With Charlie at work and Edward off hunting, a “girls plus one movie night” becomes the night of forgiveness, we never got.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 3 - Words: 16,989 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 66 - Follows: 71 - Updated: 8/6/2010 - Published: 1/11/2010 - Bella, Jasper
Blue by Oxygen.and.Cucumber reviews
1930. "I don't want to fight." He whispered. "Too much of a pacifist?" He looked up into my eyes. "Too in love with you." Torn apart by their faith, Alice is sent to a Nazi camp and Jasper is forced to guard her. Can their love survive the odds? AH/AU.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,854 - Reviews: 282 - Favs: 119 - Follows: 129 - Updated: 4/6/2010 - Published: 6/12/2009 - Alice, Jasper
Just One of the Guys by SorceressCirce reviews
Scarred by events in her past, Bella relies heavily on her best friend and roommate, Jasper. When Jasper falls in love with a girl named Alice, Bella is excited for him but can’t help but wonder – where will she fit in? Canon pairings, AH/AU, OOC
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 28 - Words: 261,614 - Reviews: 4076 - Favs: 3,991 - Follows: 3,891 - Updated: 3/7/2010 - Published: 2/13/2009
Confederate Soldier's Cry by Tani May Trybrand reviews
A poem of the day when Jasper becomes the general of the Confederate army. Rated T because of the killing he must do as a soldier.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Poetry/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 512 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Published: 2/26/2010 - Jasper - Complete
Gravity by fersuremaybe16 reviews
Bella's always been in the background. Well, the background of a certain vampire's life, at least. After knowing him for over 70 years, she's always been "the 'lil sis". Is it because she's only a hybrid, or because he hasn't realized his love for her?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 12,797 - Reviews: 47 - Favs: 35 - Follows: 48 - Updated: 2/22/2010 - Published: 1/9/2010 - Bella, Edward
The Locket by DescendingWolves reviews
Emmett had a twin sister whom he had vowed never to leave. What happened to her when he broke his promise by becoming a vampire? Rated T for later chapters. Mainly Pre Twi then Post BD. Hopefully, it is better than this summary.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family/Friendship - Chapters: 24 - Words: 37,753 - Reviews: 107 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 32 - Updated: 1/29/2010 - Published: 8/9/2009 - Emmett
Little Sister No More by HopelessRomantic79 reviews
Jasper has always seen her as his little sister. How can Alice convince him she's all grown up? AH/AU. Canon couples.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 31 - Words: 99,559 - Reviews: 971 - Favs: 403 - Follows: 222 - Updated: 1/26/2010 - Published: 9/23/2009 - Alice, Jasper - Complete
Tie Me Down to this World by Struck Upon a Star reviews
AH/AU. Alice and Jasper awake in the same hospital, scarred, broken, and searching for meaning. She gives him peace; he gives her joy. They are each other's hope.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 23 - Words: 163,005 - Reviews: 1854 - Favs: 1,096 - Follows: 935 - Updated: 1/20/2010 - Published: 2/1/2009 - Alice, Jasper
Twilight Commercials: The Series by pandorasnotebook reviews
Popular commercials written TWILIGHT STYLE! What more can I say...R&R
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 13 - Words: 13,527 - Reviews: 560 - Favs: 252 - Follows: 172 - Updated: 12/27/2009 - Published: 5/25/2008
Alice's Closet by Cordaela reviews
When Edward and Bella escape into Alice's closet to try and get some alone time, they're suprised to see that they aren't the only ones taking refuge amidst all the clothes! oneshot.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,054 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 21 - Published: 11/29/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
The Clock by natida reviews
Sometimes, you are jealous of the clock. An Esme one-shot.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,447 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Published: 11/18/2009 - Esme - Complete
The Pixie and the Shoemaker by The Very Last Valkyrie reviews
Inspired by the 'Once Upon A Twilight' contest, here be the tale of a sexy shoemaker, a foul mouthed pixie, and a cat called Galveston. Rated T for farytale cussing and rippling abdominals.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,077 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 2 - Published: 8/24/2009 - Jasper, Alice - Complete
Noise by natida reviews
It isn’t only the blood that bothers you. It’s the noise. A Jasper fic.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,876 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 3 - Published: 8/15/2009 - Jasper - Complete
Boy Meets Girl by Daddy's Little Cannibal reviews
Complete. They met each other on a subway. She was still wearing the bracelet from the hospital. He still had track marks from the night before. My answer to a challenge. No character deaths or abuse. All human. Alice and Jasper
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 6 - Words: 18,156 - Reviews: 940 - Favs: 589 - Follows: 259 - Updated: 3/23/2009 - Published: 12/29/2008 - Alice, Jasper - Complete
Cowboys & Indians by Minisinoo reviews
Lessons on the road in a journey through time. Existentialism, a Texas pow-wow, a '67 Mustang, a bar brawl, Pocahontas, and Jack Kerouac. Sometimes, family is chosen, even if they're not who we expect. Jasper, Leah & Seth, Edward
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 11 - Words: 19,891 - Reviews: 257 - Favs: 407 - Follows: 59 - Updated: 2/19/2009 - Published: 7/29/2008 - Jasper, Leah - Complete
Hurt by WinndSinger reviews
What if Bella wasn't beautiful when she first met Edward? Shy, scared, alone, and hurt Bella comes to Forks at the request of Dr. Carlisle Cullen, who thinks he can help her battered legs regain their strength when other doctors have failed.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Tragedy - Chapters: 31 - Words: 181,024 - Reviews: 1527 - Favs: 1,652 - Follows: 655 - Updated: 1/25/2009 - Published: 1/2/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
A Child of the Night by l'heure bleue reviews
"I'm like a Vampire," she murmured. "Because, in mere seconds, the sun could kill me." - Bella Swan is a girl living her life in fear of the light. Edward Cullen is simply a normal boy. They're worlds apart, but... "You're my sun, Edward." – ExB ALL HUMAN
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 57 - Words: 194,119 - Reviews: 9568 - Favs: 2,246 - Follows: 914 - Updated: 1/18/2009 - Published: 7/19/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Candles In The Night by Aspen-SiredBySpike reviews
A series of oneshots for Halloween and October, 2008.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Humor - Chapters: 10 - Words: 3,962 - Reviews: 163 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 10/30/2008 - Published: 9/12/2008 - Complete
A World Without Sound by The Romanticidal Edwardian reviews
AU, BxE. My name is Bella Swan; good at sign language and karate. My best friend is deaf, and you know what? It doesn't matter. Won twice at Twilight Awards, and has been nominated more. Please review!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 22 - Words: 105,849 - Reviews: 7609 - Favs: 8,675 - Follows: 2,446 - Updated: 9/27/2008 - Published: 6/1/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Fear by NoMoreThanUsual reviews
Summary: Bella’s courage does have its limits. The day Edward was dreading – the day in which Bella runs away screaming – has finally come. Jasper’s POV and Edward’s POV.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,912 - Reviews: 243 - Favs: 540 - Follows: 55 - Published: 6/21/2008 - Complete
Family Therapy Cullen Style by vjgm reviews
Carlisle has had it with the children's constant bickering so he sends the Cullen's to family therapy. Suicidal Edward,Bella's fear of committment, Alice addicted to shopping, Rosalie's hostility, Emmett and Japer's gambling..who will survive? FUNNY
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 18 - Words: 69,221 - Reviews: 8290 - Favs: 7,406 - Follows: 1,694 - Updated: 5/15/2008 - Published: 11/10/2007 - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Three Months reviews
Jasper Whitlock has one goal. To get out of the small town of Forks,Washington and never come back. But when he begins to get caught up in a strange friendship with Alice Brandon,things get a little more complicated. And a little more interesting.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 22 - Words: 44,769 - Reviews: 185 - Favs: 70 - Follows: 71 - Updated: 2/1/2011 - Published: 1/14/2010 - Alice, Jasper
The Cullen Circus reviews
Bella Swan, a lonely toothpick salesman, stumbles upon the amazing Cullen Circus on one of her travels.Will she find what she's been searching for? AU,OCC,all human.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 11 - Words: 14,239 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 8/24/2010 - Published: 9/28/2009 - Bella, Edward
The Whittler's Tale reviews
A young man finds hope one night in the most unlikely of ways. Alice and Jasper one shot.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,020 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 7/16/2010 - Alice, Jasper - Complete
War Drums reviews
The drums pounded on. Jasper Whitlock believed he'd always be a soldier. One-shot.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 328 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 4 - Published: 3/2/2010 - Jasper - Complete
Abducted reviews
18 year old Alice has just checked herself out of the mental facilitly. She thinks no one knows who she is, but she couldn't be more wrong. AU,all human.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 14 - Words: 24,931 - Reviews: 50 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 18 - Updated: 12/24/2009 - Published: 10/3/2009 - Alice, Jasper - Complete
Cat Lady reviews
Alice has isolated herself from the world after terrible events in her past. Her cats being her only source of happiness. When she meets Jasper who has slipped into a deep depression,could they be the keys to each others happiness? -All Human
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 22 - Words: 28,780 - Reviews: 77 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 10/1/2009 - Published: 8/10/2009 - Alice, Jasper - Complete