Hermes the Crim
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Joined 07-02-09, id: 1992784, Profile Updated: 07-06-09

Greetings from Hermes, Messenger of the gods, and the god of travelers (hobos). I am a writer that doesn't really write unless she is totally bored, but because I barely think about writing my stories are usually random, and good if I do say so myself. They often include death, gore, and strange points of view. I am an atheist, but have a connection with The Flying Spaghetti Monster. We are kinda pals, so I talk about him a lot. Feel free to write mean reviews, I laugh about them later :D.

My favorite band is Coldplay, so I get a lot of my insperation from them. I love reading all sorts of books, especially historical fiction. My favorites include Harry Potter, Twilight, Water for Elephants, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Warriors, a Wrinkle in Time, White Fang, Catcher in the Rye, Music Through the Floor, and a bunch more books!! I love movies, too many to choose my favorites.

This was great, really opens your eyes.

I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.

I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'M RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...
I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend

I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and thats how Russians roll.

I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so i must be GAY TOO
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas
Im a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction
Im a VIRGIN so I MUST be a prude
Im STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. or crazy.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil (So I’ve been told)
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too. (just one, not all of my friends)
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.

My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE.. So I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse
I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist
I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future
I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I CHAT so I MUST be having cyber sex.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.

I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroos
I write LEMONS, so I MUST be a twisted pervert.
I wear GLASSES, so I MUST be a dork or nerd

These quotes are very much awesome. Expect more soon.

"when life gives you lemons throw them back and demand chocolate"

"I was normal until I met the freaks I call my friends"

"I dont see any god up here"

"You may not be able to change the world, but you can make a dent"

"All that we send into the lives of others comes back into our own"

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute screw the fruit"

"The only reason people get lost in thought, is because it is unfamiliar territory."

"you cant fix stupid"

"the only people worth knowing are weird people"

"you and me is friend: you smile i smile... you hurt i hurt... you cry i cry... you fall off a cliff, i gonna miss your e-mails"

"some people are like slinkies, not good for much but put a smile on your face when pushed down the stairs"

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There Will Be Blood by LaraWinner reviews
On Hiatus. AU, smut, vamp/human sex and violence. A dark and graphic ExB tale loosely following the plot of Twilight.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Horror/Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 47,419 - Reviews: 1028 - Favs: 1,364 - Follows: 1,504 - Updated: 2/12/2013 - Published: 3/27/2009 - Bella, Edward
Defrosting Edward by Aleeab4u reviews
Bella's been trying to warm Edward up in more ways than one. With a little help from Alice, a broken truck and a few burned fingers, she just might have found his defrost button. Rated M with canon characters, based on "practice makes perfect." E/B AU
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 26 - Words: 162,326 - Reviews: 1589 - Favs: 1,618 - Follows: 1,205 - Updated: 10/9/2012 - Published: 3/6/2009 - Edward, Bella
The Healer by EllaRose00 reviews
The Cullen clan is back at high school but now with Jacob and Nessie. New friends and new problems for Nessie. Going to high school with your parents and trying to figure out your relationship with your best friend.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 26 - Words: 78,327 - Reviews: 3138 - Favs: 1,979 - Follows: 1,013 - Updated: 9/8/2011 - Published: 8/15/2008 - Renesmee C./Nessie, Jacob - Complete
Falling Beyond Redemption by Aleeab4u reviews
A plan to keep Edward & Bella apart ends in unthinkable violence leaving Bella & Charlie battling for their lives and Edward for his soul. When the fallout threatens to destroy not only them but the Pack as well, an unlikely Shaman may be their only hope.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Tragedy/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 56 - Words: 349,022 - Reviews: 5051 - Favs: 2,218 - Follows: 1,077 - Updated: 4/21/2011 - Published: 4/8/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
The Growing Up Of Tigerstar by i am cat hear me roar reviews
Everyone knows Tigerstar is evil. Ever wondered why? A cruel father...a murdered love...Rated T for some content. Kit abuse...blood...death...
Warriors - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Tragedy - Chapters: 24 - Words: 56,396 - Reviews: 840 - Favs: 73 - Follows: 41 - Updated: 11/20/2010 - Published: 4/16/2009 - Tigerstar
Healing Her Wounds by Raine Delmont reviews
Bella never jumped. She never found out about Jacob. In fact, she married Mike Newton. Four years later, she finds herself in a abusive relationship with no way out. What will happen when Edward comes back to her? Can he save her? Will she let him? R&R!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 32 - Words: 68,184 - Reviews: 4290 - Favs: 1,843 - Follows: 771 - Updated: 5/1/2008 - Published: 10/23/2007