CieloCrimisi
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Joined 07-04-09, id: 1994951, Profile Updated: 02-26-11
Author has written 8 stories for Harry Potter, Artemis Fowl, and Twilight.

Aha! I've lured another one! Welcome to my profile. Presumably, you came here to find out a little more about me. Or maybe just to get a better look at my awesome avatar. (If that's the case, feel free to skip all this here wordy stuff.) So, here's some generic "about me" stuff.

Likes: the beach, reading, writing, drawing, shopping, dogs (my dog in particular, because he's way cooler than all you guys' dogs), traveling, neo-Renaissance art, thunderstorms, word play, loud music

Dislikes: stupidity, improper grammar, bad spelling, people who repeat themselves, arrogance, improper grammar, hypocrites.

Favorite books/series: Harry Potter, Artemis Fowl, Uglies series, Evil Genius/Genius Wars, Warrior Heir, The Poisonwood Bible, Hunger Games, The Time Traveller's Wife, and My Sister's Keeper. I feel a smug sense of superiority at the fact that I read the last two long before they became movies.

In case anyone was worried, no, I haven't abandoned any of my stories. Yes, I know I take an absurdly long time to update. Unfortunately, real life insists on getting in the way of my pleasure writing. And real life can be pretty damn insistent. So fear not, friends. Everything shall be revealed in time. A lot of time...

Usually, I abhor those profiles that have like 3986298775673 pages of copy/pasted stuff, but this one I'd never seen before...

The European Commission has just announced that English will be the official
language of the European Union. German, which was the other possibility, narrowly missed out.

During negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would
become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly this will make
sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of "k".
This should klear
up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like
fotograf 20 shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to
reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments
will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a
deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the
silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer pepl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with
"z"
and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining
"ou"
and after zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no
mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza.
Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und after zis fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German; lik zey vunted in ze
forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl

Lol. I smiled.

OMG IMPORTANT!!

Not Really. I just wanted to get your attention, because who actually reads all the way down here? Now that I have it, I'd like to make a little offer. Folks, are you tired of having a specific story in mind you want to read, but don't feel like writing it yourself? Then omgz, send your request to me and if I think I can make it work, I'll write it for you, provided I've read the book. Does this interest anyone? Then PM me, I'd be interested to hear your ideas. I'll be most likely to write for Artemis Fowl, Harry Potter and Twilight fandoms. Do it. Dooo iiiit.

Stay classy. Peace

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Little Remedies by WolfButler reviews
Take dosage daily as many times as required to relieve symptoms of stress associated with school, college, exams and/or work etc. Repeat prescriptions may be necessary. Results may vary. LATEST CHAPTER: From the childrenhoods of Butler & Artemis Fowl Senior. Turns out Arty Junior wasn't the first wannabe adventurer in the family. And Butler wasn't the first overworked bodyguard...
Artemis Fowl - Rated: T - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 22 - Words: 71,589 - Reviews: 143 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 30 - Updated: 8/26/2013 - Published: 12/3/2010
Resurrecting Annie by HolidayBoredom reviews
'Oh! Hi, Artemis! Listen, I've been having dreams about your father murdering random people and burying them the decorative verge... Ring any bells' Rated T but rated M in later chapters. Updated... sporadically at best.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: T - English - Tragedy/Romance - Chapters: 17 - Words: 117,257 - Reviews: 330 - Favs: 117 - Follows: 136 - Updated: 5/26/2013 - Published: 8/4/2009 - Artemis F., Artemis F. Senior, Butler, Holly S.
Irritation by Lexical Item reviews
The psychiatrist spoke. "You might as well help yourself to a book, as it is your time that we're wasting." "You don't consider this a waste of your time?" Artemis enquired. "Oh no," the psychiatrist replied offhand. "I'm getting paid."
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 10 - Words: 13,855 - Reviews: 107 - Favs: 256 - Follows: 74 - Updated: 10/12/2010 - Published: 7/2/2010 - Artemis F. - Complete
Chess by Lexical Item reviews
McGonagall accepts an invitation for a friendly game of chess with the headmaster. She is a formidable player, but she expects to lose. Then again, Dumbledore has some... interesting strategies that may just cost him the game.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 783 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 18 - Published: 6/17/2010 - Albus D., Minerva M. - Complete
Half the Perfect World by Alchemechanist reviews
It had been four months since he had had a call from her. They said she was busy. And when she finally found him she said otherwise. And he ran with her before the People could kill them all for an act she had not committed. A new life was to be built.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 20 - Words: 109,946 - Reviews: 371 - Favs: 211 - Follows: 108 - Updated: 6/3/2010 - Published: 8/15/2009 - Artemis F., Holly S. - Complete
Human Anomalies by Asilda reviews
When Artemis gets his appendix removed Holly thinks he's dying. Turns out fairies can't live without appendixes, so they don't know humans don't need them. Holly rushes to Artemis's side. Epilogue added at the suggestion of one kind reviewer.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort/Friendship - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,806 - Reviews: 81 - Favs: 145 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 4/12/2010 - Published: 4/11/2010 - Artemis F., Holly S. - Complete
Penchant For Deceit by BC reviews
When Artemis was a child, the world could not touch him. Now he’s older and, when Butler can’t stop all the blows anymore, Artemis learns to strike back. Slash DBAF.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: M - English - Angst/Friendship - Chapters: 4 - Words: 15,660 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 63 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 4/4/2010 - Published: 8/14/2009 - Artemis F., Butler - Complete
Not Easily Forgotten by jayJ530 reviews
A guest lecture brings up old memories.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,195 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 1 - Published: 11/18/2009 - Holly S. - Complete
Seen In A Certain Light by Lli reviews
After an extraordinary event, can one return to an ordinary life? Holly, at least, is determined to try. And, needless to say, everyone pitches in to help - regardless of whether or not she wants them to.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: T - English - Family/Romance - Chapters: 23 - Words: 114,699 - Reviews: 430 - Favs: 312 - Follows: 101 - Updated: 9/8/2009 - Published: 5/7/2009 - Artemis F., Holly S. - Complete
Visiting Hours by Lady Myotismon reviews
Neville Longbottom goes to St. Mungo's frequently to visit his parents, but their unnerving condition has him spending most of the time with Gilderoy Lockhart. Complete for now, but I may be convinced to continue.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,071 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 2 - Published: 8/29/2009 - Neville L., Gilderoy L. - Complete
The Problem by wolfraven80 reviews
AxH There are many things that can bring two people together. Sometimes all it takes is a problem.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 11,462 - Reviews: 104 - Favs: 152 - Follows: 44 - Updated: 8/14/2009 - Published: 7/17/2009 - Artemis F., Holly S. - Complete
Degrees of Poison by Fire Tears reviews
Being friends with Artemis, Foaly had said, would be like being friends with a viper. It was not an inapt analogy. After the events of 'The Time Paradox', Holly and Artemis have a discussion.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,381 - Reviews: 69 - Favs: 261 - Follows: 24 - Published: 3/18/2009 - Artemis F., Holly S. - Complete
The Second Parent by Kitty Rainbow reviews
As Artemis Fowl the First lies unconscious in a Helsinki hospital, Angeline worries, Artemis the Second ponders, Juliet plays solitaire... and Butler? He watches.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 925 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 2 - Published: 11/20/2005 - Butler, Artemis F. - Complete
Idiot Savant by Nyghtvision reviews
Written in response to AbigailNicole’s “Idiot Savant” challenge. See Artemis cringe from Quality Bonding Time as his father attempts to discover his weaknesses and Get to Know Him Better. Because nobody can be a genius at everything… right? Parody
Artemis Fowl - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 8,533 - Reviews: 70 - Favs: 201 - Follows: 22 - Published: 4/19/2004
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Edward, PreVampire reviews
There was a precedent to Bella's relationship with Edward. One Bella must never know of...
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Tragedy/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 743 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 12/27/2010 - Edward - Complete
The Things We Cherish reviews
TPG contest entry. Takes place between Artemis Sr.'s disappearance and the events of AF 1. Features some slightly depressing Butler and Artemis fluffiness. No, not that kind of fluffiness. Sorry.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K - English - Friendship/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,795 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 1 - Published: 12/25/2010 - Artemis F., Butler - Complete
The Horror of Our Love reviews
An unknown killer seems to be targeting the employees of Fowl Manor while Artemis struggles to make sense of a strange and repetitive dream. Little does he know how closely the two are related... A twisted relationship ensues.
Crossover - Artemis Fowl & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Horror/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 6,202 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 27 - Updated: 7/10/2010 - Published: 8/12/2009 - Artemis F., Maggie
Artemis Fowl and the Riddle's Lure reviews
Artemis' acquisition of fairy magic results in a visit from Hogwarts. Thrust into the wizarding world, everyone's favorite genius must find a way to cope with mastering his magic, age-old prejudices, and the constant threat of teenage hormones.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Artemis Fowl - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 6 - Words: 19,158 - Reviews: 161 - Favs: 139 - Follows: 232 - Updated: 3/8/2010 - Published: 8/6/2009 - Artemis F.
A Mile in His Combat Boots reviews
A tribute to all things Butler. Will be a collection of oneshots. Chapter 4 up.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 4 - Words: 6,925 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 1/10/2010 - Published: 10/26/2009 - Butler
The Ugly Truth reviews
Oneshot. Bella makes a startling discovery about Edward in the meadow. With their passionate love be enough to pull them through?
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,234 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 8 - Published: 1/10/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
A Spot of Debauchery reviews
Title says it all. Holly stumbles upon an unexpected scene. Read and find out.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,058 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 17 - Published: 9/15/2009 - Complete
Speak Now reviews
Artemis *ahem* PROPOSES a plan to save Holly's magic... like omgz, A/H!
Artemis Fowl - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,525 - Reviews: 38 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 33 - Published: 9/8/2009 - Artemis F., Holly S.