Author has written 5 stories for Twilight.
98 percent of the world's population believe that they're bringing sexy back. I'm part of the 2 percent that never lost theirs!
-->Orlando, Beloved Gold Fish, you will be Missed
-->08/03/2010 to 07/04/2010
I LOVE EDWARD CULLEN mmmmm... and we will live happily ever after...
FRIENDS & BEST FRIENDS
FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.
FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.
FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.
FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.
FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.
FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.
FRIENDS: Will help you move.
FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.
FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.
FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.
FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college.
10 Commandments of a Teenager
1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
2) Thou shall not do drugs.
3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart.
4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.
5) Thou shall not steal from your parents.
6) Thou shall not get into fights.
7) Thou shall not skip class.
8) Thou shall not strip in class.
9) Thou shall not think about having sex.
10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street.
Stages of Drunkeness
0 - Stone cold sober. Brain as sharp as an army bayonet.
1 - Still sober. Pleasure senses activated. Feeling of well-being.
2 - Lager warming up head. Pretzles are ordered. Barmaid complimented on choice of blouse.
3 - Crossword in newspaper is filled in. After a while blanks are filled with random letters and numbers.
4 - Barmaid complimented on choice of bra. Partially visible when bending to get packets of crisps. Try to instigate conversation about bras. Order half a dozen packets of pretzles one by one.
5 - Have brilliant discussion with guy on the next bar stool. Devise fool-proof scheme for wining lottery, sort out Denver Broncos defense problems.
6 - Feel like a Demi-God. Map out rest of life on cocktail napkin. Realize that everybody loves you. Call parents and tell them you love them. Call girlfriend to tell her you love her and she still has an amazing ass.
7 - Send drinks over to woman sitting at table with boyfriend. No reaction. Scribble out message of love on five cocktail napkins and Frisbee them to her across the room. Boyfriend asks you outside. You buy him a Slim Panatela.
8 - Some slurring. Offer to buy drinks for everyone in room. Lots of people say yes. Go round the bar hugging them one by one. Fall over. Get up.
9 - Head-ache kicks in. Michelob tastes off. Send it back. Next bottle comes back tasting same. Say, "That's much better". Fight nausea by trying to play old Space Invaders game for ten minutes before seeing out of order sign.
10 - Some doubling of vision. Stand on table shouting abuse at all four bartenders. Talked down by bartender's wives, who you offer to give a baby to. Fall over. Get up. Fall over. Impale head on corner of table. Fail to notice oozing head wound.
11 - Speech no longer possible. Eventually manage to find door. Sit and take stock. Realize you are sitting in pub cellar, having taken a wrong turning. Vomit. Pass out.
12 - Put in cab by somebody. Give home address. Taken home. Can't get key in door. Realize you've given address of your local gym. Generally pleased at way evening has gone. Pass out again.
My Favourite Sayings-
-"Dont close you eyes before the crash, you'll miss the best part"
-"A Real Friend Is Someone Who Walks In When The Rest Of The World Walks Out"
-"I'm IB positive, I be positive they aint' touch me with no needle"
-"I'm not suffering from insanity, I'm enjoying every minute of it."
-"Sometimes I Wish I Were You, Just So I Could Be Friends With Me"
-"I'm Looking Forward To Regretting This"
-"The mind is like a parachute, it doesnt work unless its open"
-"Whats Better? A Lie That Draws A Smile Or The Truth That Draws A Tear?"
-"I Always Knew Looking Back On The Tears Would Make Me Laugh,But I Never Knew Looking Back On The Laughs Would Make Me Cry"
-"Most People Walk In And Out Of You Life. But Only Real Friends Leave Footprints In Your Heart"
Special 'SHOUT OUT' to my Friends and Family-
I RUN WITH VAMPIRES!
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