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Joined 07-08-09, id: 1999436, Profile Updated: 11-02-11
Author has written 18 stories for Princess Bride, Star Wars, Gladiator, Veggie Tales, Muppet Show, Chronicles of Narnia, Disney, Seven Kingdoms Trilogy, Lloyd Alexander, Lord of the Rings, Misc. Movies, 2012, Hidalgo, and StarTrek: The Original Series.


Some information about ME!

Name: Krystal

Age: Teenager.

Hometown: Gotham City

Favorite Music: Metal, rock, electronica and classical.

Favorite Movies: Horror, animation, sci-fi, action, fantasy, thriller, comedy, gangster, historical...pretty much anything except the majority of high school comedies and chick flicks.

Favorite Directors: Alfred Hitchcock, Quentin Tarantino, Christopher Nolan, Peter Jackson, Martin Scorsese, Darren Aronofsky, Joel and Ethan Coen, Francis Ford Coppola, George A. Romero, Ridley Scott, Zack Snyder, John Carpenter

Favorite Books: Mostly horror/gothic, fantasy and historical, more specifically: Dracula, To Kill a Mockingbird, The Picture of Dorian Gray, A Song of Ice and Fire, Lord of the Rings, Wuthering Heights, Pride and Prejudice, Catcher In the Rye, The Shining, The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls, Anne Rice, Rick Riordan, C.S. Lewis


Dear lovely people of FF.Net,

I am SO sorry to have been gone for so long. I got email notifications of all your great comments and faves, and I thank you all for your support. It means a lot. I apologize for being on such a long hiatus: life has not been kind to me lately with many personal problems and an overload of schoolwork. Nevertheless, I have returned--a changed person, but nonetheless retaining the sardonic humor you seem to love. My tastes have gone through some drastic changes so keep checking back for new stuff from me.

I have returned.


PS- THIS account will now only be used for beta reading. All new stories will be posted on my new account, http://www.fanfiction.net/u/3391091/Khristie_Ash

My mind works like lightning...one brilliant flash and it's gone.

When it comes to thought, some people stop at nothing.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.

The optimist proclaims we live in the best of all possible worlds; the pessimist fears it is true.

We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police.

Eat right, exercise, die anyway.

Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.

I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.

The voices in my head tell me that you're all crazy to think that I need therapy.

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like grandfather...not screaming like the passengers in his car.

If you can keep your head while other people are losing theirs, you probably don't fully understand the situation.

They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it everytime I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?

Sarcasm is one more service we offer.

I hear voices and they don't like you

Smile -- it confuses the enemy

I'm not bossy, I just have better ideas

Insanity is a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.

I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away.

Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

Who ever said anything was possible never tried nailing jello to a tree or slamming a revolving door.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He/she won't expect it back.

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

Buy one for the price of two and get the second one free!

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is. It's always room-temperature.

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together

Always be who you are. Those who matter don't care and those who care don't matter.

If I could get a firm grip on reality, I'd choke it.

Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.

Knowledge is realizing that the street is one-way, wisdom is looking both directions anyway.

The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a trash can. We don't just borrow words; on occasion English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.

You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff...I laugh again.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'.

That which doesn't kill you...will probably try again.

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist. If you are scared now more than ever of dentists by learning this fact, put this on your profile.

The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all commited suicide

I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it. (It truly is a blessing!)

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people

I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

I don't obsess! I think intensely.

Before you criticize some one, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you’re a mile away and you still have their shoes.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

One day we will look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

I smile because I have no idea what’s going on.

Prometheus gave mortals the gift of fire. Apple gave mortals the gift of iPod.

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers


... your favourite book of the Bible is Luke.

... you've memorized the Jedi code.

... you refer to children as 'younglings,' elevators as 'turbolifts,' and bathrooms as 'refreshers.'

... you have looked for Ewoks when entering a wooded area.

... you address your teachers as "Master."

... you have attempted to use a glowstick as a miniature weapon.

... when an object was out of your reach, you have extended your hand toward it and expected it to come to you.

... you wave you hand in front of you to open automatic doors.

... you have quoted lines from the Star Wars movies unintentionally.

... you have ever been surprised to open a refrigerator and find that the milk is not blue.

... you know how to write in Aurebesh.

... you have ever insulted someone by calling them 'sleemo.'

... you have painted or drawn a picture in which there are at least two suns in the sky.

... you understand any of this.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Marysues vs Fangirls by lady.fon reviews
Tis a normal day in the kingdom of Lord Aragorn. That is, until the dreaded Mary-Sues arrive. Who will save Aragorn and his people? Why, the loyal fangirls of course! AragornxArwen
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 872 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 9/24/2009 - Aragorn, Arwen U.
The Ballad of Legolas by TheWeirdSistaz reviews
A parody of Weird Al's 'Jedi Song' and Lord of the Rings, sung by Legolas: the true story of Aragorn's youth! Hint of Hidalgo in there too!
Crossover - Lord of the Rings & Hidalgo - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 735 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 2 - Published: 9/9/2009 - Aragorn - Complete
Truth or Dare? Star Wars Edition by Above the Winter Moonlight reviews
Discontinued. If anyone wishes to continue this, please PM me.
Star Wars - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 5 - Words: 15,335 - Reviews: 91 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 16 - Updated: 9/8/2009 - Published: 5/27/2009 - Darth Vader, Luke S. - Complete
The Last Battle by Swanwhite2 reviews
A poem set just before the last desperate charge in the last battle of Narnia.
Chronicles of Narnia - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 166 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 1 - Published: 7/13/2009 - Complete
Star Wars Chatroom by Obi - Wannabe759 reviews
A summarry of Star Wars in chatroom style. The first chapter is mereley a taster of the INSANITY to come. Disclaimer: I do own Star Wars really, but George Lucas plagiarised it Kidding, George, you're entitled to your rights!
Star Wars - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 243 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 2 - Published: 5/24/2009
Jill and the Signs by Anastasia S reviews
This is my first Narnia-themed poem, so I hope it's worth reading. It is a POV poem where Jill discusses the four signs she is charged to remember.
Chronicles of Narnia - Rated: K - English - Fantasy/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 227 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 4/27/2009 - Jill Pole - Complete
Inbox by Mathematica reviews
9: This is Jabba the Hutt. Please leave a message.
Star Wars - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 9 - Words: 19,661 - Reviews: 185 - Favs: 257 - Follows: 115 - Updated: 4/16/2009 - Published: 12/20/2008
Hi, This Is Luke, Leave A Message by Lucillia reviews
Hi Luke, this is Mon Mothma. I know you admire me as one of the great leaders of the Rebellion, but stealing my underwear is going a little too far.
Star Wars - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 4,869 - Reviews: 112 - Favs: 175 - Follows: 77 - Updated: 3/17/2009 - Published: 12/19/2007 - Luke S., Darth Vader - Complete
Phyllis by Dearheart reviews
Susan could never have guessed that the nerdy kid at the train station would someday be her husband... The story of why Susan chose an ordinary man over a dashing prince. Giftfic for violamom and goofydad!
Chronicles of Narnia - Rated: K - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 5 - Words: 9,099 - Reviews: 238 - Favs: 100 - Follows: 114 - Updated: 2/15/2009 - Published: 7/2/2008 - Susan Pevensie
Dangerous? by Uchiha Evangeline reviews
Louis has just got new books and Lestat decided to read one of them. Twilight was its name. .:Oneshot:.
Vampires - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,301 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 72 - Follows: 12 - Published: 1/9/2009 - Complete
Come With Me by Dearheart reviews
He’s like fire and ice and rage. He’s like the night and the day, and the storm, and the heart of the sun. And...he's wonderful. Yes, there is a Doctor in our world who is not trapped in fiction. He's real. I've seen Him. I know Him. I love Him. Do you?
Doctor Who - Rated: K - English - Spiritual - Chapters: 1 - Words: 775 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 4 - Published: 1/5/2009 - Complete
Game Player Warrior's by Narnian Nights reviews
Lucy finds a new game for the computer. Set in 2008 America. One-shot.
Chronicles of Narnia - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,015 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 2 - Published: 12/16/2008 - Lucy Pevensie, Susan Pevensie - Complete
Terror Gold by Lirenel reviews
*Challenge 15: Gold* Before the duel, Lucy explains to Caspian why the High King has acted so bitterly towards him, and why the Telmarines should fear the Golden Fire. Any warnings can be found on my profile.
Chronicles of Narnia - Rated: T - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 3 - Words: 5,102 - Reviews: 210 - Favs: 1,253 - Follows: 168 - Published: 10/19/2008 - Caspian X, Lucy Pevensie - Complete
The Weakness Of 3 by Narnian Nights reviews
One night when their parents aren't home, Edmund finds his siblings true weakness's in England, and finds it quit amusing. One-shot! NO SLASH! NOR INCEST! Slightly Based On A True Story!
Chronicles of Narnia - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 830 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 74 - Follows: 10 - Published: 9/11/2008 - Edmund Pevensie, Susan Pevensie - Complete
A Dance 'Round the Memory Tree by Dearheart reviews
“Well now, Caspian...which one would you like to hear tonight?” The boy leaned back with half-closed eyes, considering the question carefully...then tilted his head back and looked up at her. “Could you sing me the one about the memory tree?" Nurse fic!
Chronicles of Narnia - Rated: K - English - Friendship/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,739 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 1 - Published: 5/20/2008 - Caspian X - Complete
Nothing? by King Caspian the Seafarer reviews
A secret conversation between Aslan and the Witch from LWW. Can Aslan really do nothing to save Edmund's life? One shot.
Chronicles of Narnia - Rated: K - English - Spiritual/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 811 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 5 - Published: 3/20/2008 - Aslan, Jadis the White Witch - Complete
The Ballad of Prince Caspian by King Caspian the Seafarer reviews
A poem I wrote...basically summerizes the book, Prince Caspian.
Chronicles of Narnia - Rated: K - English - Poetry/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 288 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 9 - Published: 1/30/2008 - Caspian X, Aslan - Complete
A Few Things You Didn't Know About the Veggies by Atarah Derek reviews
VeggieTales The title is pretty selfexplanatory. Each chapter will be a different veggie. I really should be working on my Rings fic.
Misc. Cartoons - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 392 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 5 - Published: 8/28/2007
In Memory of the Monarchs by Petraverd reviews
The Monarchs of the Golden Age were not forgotten when they vanished. A poem from the Narnians lamenting their loss.
Chronicles of Narnia - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 190 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/2/2007 - Complete
David versus Whitmore by Rain in the Morning reviews
David suspects his wife Connie of having an affair with her boss, Thomas Whitmore. When a startling bit of evidence arises, he decides to confront his rival, and... you know the rest!
Independence Day - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,918 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 17 - Published: 11/19/2006 - Complete
Slightest Inkling by H Max Marius reviews
Written for a contest on 'The Lions Call': As a Character, write a letter to the Author. Professor Kirke has some opinions for Mr. Lewis.
Chronicles of Narnia - Rated: K - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 393 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 1 - Published: 9/21/2006 - Complete
Orsino's sonnet by Snurfle reviews
Just a sonnet of Orsino's declaring his love for Olivia. From Twelfth Night. Please R&R.
Shakespeare - Rated: K - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 210 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 2 - Published: 3/20/2006 - Complete
Glimpse at the Tear by agentjedi reviews
On their way back to Naboo, Anakin proposes to Padmé.
Star Wars - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,571 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 6 - Published: 2/28/2006 - Anakin Skywalker, Padmé Amidala - Complete
Waves that Beat on Heaven's Shore by agentjedi reviews
Siri Tachi's last thoughts as she dies on the battlefield. SiriWan romance.
Jedi Apprentice - Rated: K+ - English - Tragedy/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,236 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 17 - Published: 2/21/2005 - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

My Immortal reviews
Songfic to the Evanescence hit "My Immortal." Jazira remembers Frank--she can't forget.
Hidalgo - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 829 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 2 - Published: 12/21/2009 - Complete
BeamUp Gone Bad reviews
Anakin gets an unexpected visitor in the middle of the night--straight from Starfleet! Trek/Wars crossover--written veeerrry late at night. One shot.
Crossover - Star Wars & StarTrek: The Original Series - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 1 - Words: 647 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 3 - Published: 12/2/2009 - Anakin Skywalker, J. Kirk - Complete
Date on the Ark reviews
Watched the film recently, and I had this idea. Adrian and Jackson joke around before Adrian's first date with Laura Wilson. One-shot, relative drabble. Please R&R.
2012 - Rated: K - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 376 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 7 - Published: 11/30/2009 - A. Helmsley, Jackson C. - Complete
Who Wants to be a Hero? reviews
They were here for one purpose. Prove your strength. Get the girl. Rule the land." The ultimate gameshow is coming to a plasma TV near you.
Misc. Movies - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,060 - Reviews: 2 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 11/30/2009 - Published: 10/31/2009
Gwydion's Song reviews
A parody of Weird Al's "Jedi Song." Gwydion tells us all about how they found Taran...sort of. Well, not all the facts are exactly canon but this is still good fun.
Lloyd Alexander - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 762 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 1 - Published: 10/30/2009 - Complete
You Belong With Me reviews
A Legolas/Arwen Taylor Swift songfic. Legolas is a little ticked off about Arwen and Aragorn, so he gets it out through music.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 623 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 10/11/2009 - Legolas, Arwen U. - Complete
You've Reached Arawn, DeathLord of Annuvin! reviews
Obsessed with Prydain...so here is my humour contribution. These are the greeting messages from the main characters' voice mail inboxes. Enjoy!
Lloyd Alexander - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 958 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 4 - Published: 10/10/2009 - Complete
The Inbox Strikes Back reviews
A collection of phone messages in various characters' inboxes. Currently considered complete--but I may do a new chapter later. NEW LANDO CALRISSIAN CHAPTER NOW UP!
Star Wars - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 5 - Words: 5,436 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 8/21/2009 - Published: 7/14/2009 - Complete
Mr Pevensie Goes to Washington reviews
Ziggy and Jeff are back after the Darth Vader incident. In this second installment, they take on Peter Pevensie and Co., as they attempt to raid the White House!
Chronicles of Narnia - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 465 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/18/2009 - Peter Pevensie, Edmund Pevensie - Complete
The Phantom Library Card reviews
For all the fans of my inbox fanfic, here are a few more laughs for you! What happens when your favourite characters take a trip to the Coruscant Library? What do they borrow? Not normal books, movies and mags, of course!
Star Wars - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 638 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 9 - Published: 8/17/2009 - Complete
Mr Sith Goes to Washington reviews
The first part of a series dedicated to one intrepid reporter, and one unfortunate policeman, who get caught up in a pop culture mess. This first story stars Star Wars's own villain, Darth Vader. So, what happens when popular media characters invade D.C.?
Star Wars - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 582 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 2 - Published: 8/17/2009 - Darth Vader - Complete
Wildcat reviews
Katsa's thoughts on her life before she met Po. Then, she sees the light at the end of the tunnel--namely, Po. Oneshot poem. Please R&R.
Seven Kingdoms Trilogy - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 181 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 8 - Published: 8/10/2009 - Complete
The Veggie Email Chronicles reviews
A correspondance between Bob and Larry on a new show. The show is my idea, and Phil Vischer probably hasn't even thought of it yet. In progress. Each chapter is a different email.
Veggie Tales - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 10 - Words: 1,319 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 8/10/2009 - Published: 7/30/2009 - Complete
Cheeses and Wombats and Smurfs, Oh My! reviews
When everything goes wrong, Scooter takes the wheel. With runaway cheeses, unruly Vikings, a clan of SPCA wombats, a broken stove, and an acting troop of wannabe actor-Smurfs, this should be one show to remember! Currently on HIATUS!
Muppet Show - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,507 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Updated: 8/6/2009 - Published: 7/30/2009 - Scooter, Kermit
Chocolate Chip reviews
An excerpt from Chip's diary. He opens up on his first big publicity break WITHOUT Dale--something he's been waiting for. One shot.
Disney - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 772 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 8/2/2009 - Complete
I Used to Believe reviews
A short poem. Susan's thoughts after her family died in the train crash. Please R&R. NOT a typical Susanfic, because in this version, there is no implication that she goes back...she's only reminiscing.
Chronicles of Narnia - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 177 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 2 - Published: 7/30/2009 - Susan Pevensie - Complete
Now We Are Free reviews
A tribute to the final outcome of the movie and the beginning of the fall of Rome, in poetry.
Gladiator - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 171 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Published: 7/30/2009 - Complete
Unemployed in Greenland reviews
Fezzik looks back on the events which led to his employment by Vizzini. Relatively short, my first fanfic.
Princess Bride - Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 935 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 7/12/2009 - Complete
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Community: A Long Time and Many Laughs Ago
Focus: Movies Star Wars