Author has written 6 stories for Ed, Edd n Eddy.
I never thought of myself as much of a writer, but I love to write stories about the things I love. Of course, being the EENE freak I am, they're all Ed, Edd, n' Eddy stories! And I may write stories for other shows, games, or movies, but at this point, I'm best at writing EENE, and it may stay that way for a while. Another thing that I strive for is the absence of of my own characters in my stories, especially since Ed, Edd, n' Eddy is known for having a limited cast with no additions. Plus, I don't think that I would be very good at adding my own characters, as I fear that I may run into some Mary Sue/Gary Stu issues that I won't be able to work around.
On the subject of Ed, Edd, n' Eddy, I just have to mention my favorite character: Eddy! He's the man with the plan, and he's going to try to scam the kids out of their money, no matter how ridiculous the scheme or how impossible it seems. Eddy's my favorite because he's simply funny; He makes me laugh with his hilarious hijinks, and when he and Ed get together, it's a riot! Another thing that I like about Eddy is his determination and endurance; he can get slapped around, beat up, sexually harassed, crushed, broken, and hurt, and he will not give up until he gets what he wants! That kind of determination and endurance is very rare. Eddy has his flaws too, however: he is very often a jerk, a show off, a coward, a backstabber, and more than a little greedy sometimes. But that's why he's such a good character: flaws!
The other characters... well, I love them all. They all have their own little quirks about them that make them indispensable to the show.
Red Dead Ed (Complete)- A western story featuring all of the characters from Ed, Edd, n' Eddy. Peach Creek County is a hotbed, both literally and metaphorically, of crime, murder, and outlaws. A little town called the Cul-De-Sac sits in the middle of this sun baked county, and it's inhabitants struggle daily to survive the heat, starvation, thirst, and the occasional outlaw that pays a fair visit to their town. When big trouble hits the little town, what will the kids do to stop it and save their only home?
Forfeit (Complete)- Four years later, and the Eds are still tortured, beaten, and molested on a daily basis. This time, however, they will finally try to find solutions to their problems, which grow worse by the day.
Once Upon A Kanker (Complete)- Jonny and Plank's bedtime once again gets interrupted by a not-so-well-liked trio.
Higher than an Ed (Complete)- Edd sets out with the hopes of yet another fun-filled day with his friends Ed and Eddy. His friends, however, have something else in mind.
The Twilight Ed (Indefinite Hiatus)- Join the kids of Peach Creek as they are one by one dragged into a realm where the strange is the norm, the norm is the strange, and no one is left untouched by the unknown. The kids will never be the same after stumbling into... The Twilight Zone.
The Kids on Jerry Springer (Written by Me!):
Kevin and Nazz
Nazz: I'll tell you what the problem is, dude: Kevin is cheating on me!
Jerry: That's horrible! What do you have to say for yourself, Kevin?
Kevin: I've got nothing to say to her...
Jerry: Well I don't see how-
Nazz: *Jumps up* Kevin, you lied and cheated on me, and you expect me to still love you?
Kevin: *Jumps up* I don't expect anything except for you to get over it! It was a one time thing...
Nazz: I just can't believe you... a one time thing?! Yeah right, more like seven times!
Nazz: That's right! Everyone wants to see who he cheated on me with? Jerry, bring her out!
Jerry: Fine, but please don't get violent, okay?
Jerry: Bring her on out!
The one Kevin cheated with walks out. The audience goes quiet.
Nazz: See what I mean? How could he pick that over me! *Points at Kevin's lover*
Kevin: Don't talk about her that way! *Runs over to his lover* Baby... don't listen to her... she doesn't know what she's talking about!
Nazz: Oh my god, it's a bike, Kevin! How can you pick a bike over me?!
Kevin: Shut the @#$%&* up you @%#$! and @%#$&@ you up your @%#$ you piece of #@%#%@& who deserves to @@%#$& and die!!!
Kevin: Forget it! Me and my bike are out of here! Come on baby... *Kevin hops on the bike, the audience gasps, and Nazz becomes enraged*
Nazz: No! I can't believe this! You're cheating on me on stage! That's it! *Tears shirt off*
Kevin: What the- Now see, if you had just done that when we were together, I wouldn't have ever cheated on you!
Bike: *Slaps Kevin and then wheels off*
Eddy and Kevin
Jerry: Hello, I'm Jerry Springer, and we have two more Peach Creek residents on today. We have Kevin, who was able to return after extensive counseling with his new wife, Bike, and his former girlfriend, Nazz, and we have a new guest, Eddy. Now then, what seems to be the problem between you two?
Eddy: You really want to know what the problem is? I'll tell you what the problem is: Kevin is obsessed with calling me, Double D, and Ed dorks, and I'm sick and tired of it.
Jerry: Interesting. Care to elaborate for the audience and I why you call them that, Kevin?
Kevin: Because that's what they are: they're a bunch of dorks. I call it like it is, and Eddy is a dork. That goes for his two dorky friends too.
Jerry: Don't you think that's a bit harsh?
Kevin: Not as harsh as having to look at Eddy's ugly face! *Laughs heartily*
Eddy: *Jumps up* Why you shovel-chinned, hat-wearing, bike-loving- I should tear you a new one!
Kevin: *Jumps up* Oh yeah?! Bring it on, dork!
Jerry: Sit down you two, we don't need any vio- *Kevin pushes Jerry out of the way and rushes toward Eddy*
Kevin: Take this! *Punches Eddy hard in the face*
Eddy: Ow! You boxhead! *Punches Kevin in the gut*
Kevin: Dork! *Kicks Eddy in the shin*
Eddy: Bike humper! *Stomps on Kevin's foot*
Jerry: Security, stop them!
Kevin: Hump this! *Kicks Eddy in the crotch*
Eddy: Augh! *Falls to his knees*
Kevin: Eat fist, dork! *Punches Eddy in the face, causing a tooth and some blood to fly out of his mouth* Hey, get away from me! *Security restrains Kevin and drags him back to his seat*
Eddy: *Stands up and goes back to his seat, all while holding his crotch and face in pain*
Jerry: That's better.
Kevin: Yeah, I think I did a great job making Eddy's face look better.
Jerry: Listen, Kevin, Eddy, it's obvious there's a lot of hostility between you two. I don't know how to solve that, but I do think I know how to stop Kevin from calling you a dork.
Eddy: Really now?
Jerry: Yes. Kevin, I would like to show you a picture of a dork.
Kevin: What, are you gonna show me a picture of Eddy? *Laughs*
Jerry: Well, look for yourself. *Hands Kevin a picture of a dork*
Kevin: *Stares at the picture while gawking* That's... that's... that's a dork?!
Jerry: That's right, Kevin. *Takes picture away* Now do you feel like calling Eddy and his friends dorks?
Kevin: No... no way man... *Pauses* Now I feel like saying that Eddy and his friends suck on dorks!
Eddy: What the- Oh, way to go, Jerry!
Kevin: Aw, you're just sad because sucking on dorks is your favorite past time!
Eddy: That's it, get over here! *Jumps out of his seat and rushes toward Kevin*
Kevin: Bring it on, dork-lover! *Tackles Eddy*
Jerry: *Looks on in horror as Eddy and Kevin pummel the hell out of each other* And that's all the time we have... Security, break it up, will ya?!
Edd and Marie
Jerry: I'm your host, Jerry Springer, and we're back again today with another two guests from Peach Creek: Eddward, or, as his friends call him, Double D, and Marie Kanker.
Edd: Thank you for having us on, Mister Springer.
Jerry: No problem, Eddward. Now, if you two are on this show, there's obviously some sort of conflict between you and Miss Kanker. Care to share?
Edd: Of course, Mister Springer. You see, Marie and her sisters love to chase my friends around and give us unwanted attention and, worst of all, forcefully restrain us and kiss us.
Jerry: That's... a little sick.
Edd: Indeed. Well, about a week ago, I finally gave in and decided to become Marie's boyfriend for real. For some odd reason, however, she refuses to lay a finger on me now that I'm her boyfriend.
Jerry: Care to explain, Marie?
Marie: I don't need to explain myself to you chumps. Maybe I'm just not in the mood right now.
Edd: *Jumps out of his seat* Not in the mood?! Marie, you ambushed me just about everyday before I finally caved! The second we're actually together, you seem repulsed by me! I just don't understand!
Marie: *Jumps out of her seat* Hey, don't take that tone with me, Double D! I'll put you in a coma!
Jerry: Now, now, you two, don't start a fist fight. We still haven't managed to clean up all the blood from the show with Eddy and Kevin...
Marie: I don't give! If Double D thinks he can just yell at me to get some lovin', then maybe he should find someone else to be his girlfriend!
Edd: Maybe I am being a little mean, but I just demand to know why you don't want to kiss, or even touch me, now!
Jerry: Eddward seems to be acting quite reasonable Marie... perhaps you should just let him and the audience know why you refuse to touch him?
Marie: *Crosses her arms and looks around nervously* Okay... alright, I guess I should tell everyone... well, the day Double D told me he wanted to be my boyfriend, I spent the night over his house, and I slept in his bed with him...
Audience: Ooooooooh! *Edd turns a bright red*
Marie: After he fell asleep, I got curious and decided to... well... take a peak.
Edd: Oh my god... you didn't!
Jerry: Marie, are you trying to tell Eddward, the audience, and I, what I think you're trying to tell us?
Edd: Oh dear... *Turns redder*
Jerry: I'm guessing you weren't impressed by what you saw?
Marie: Of course not! I just thought he was bald or something!
Jerry: Uh... what?
Marie: What do you mean, what?! I didn't know what was really under his hat! It makes me sick just thinking about it... *Turns a shade of green*
Edd: Oh god, that's even worse! Please, you can't tell anyone what you saw!
Marie: Don't worry about that, I can't even put into words how disgusting, revolting, sickening-
Edd: Please, that's enough!
Marie: Oh no... quick, Jerry, Double D, run!
Jerry: Why?! Is something wrong?
Marie: I'm going to-
Edd: Oh dear!
Marie: *Barfs all over Edd and Jerry*
And now for something completely different...
Why I Carry a Gun
My old grandpa said to me son,' there comes a time in every man's life
I don't carry a gun to kill people.
I don't carry a gun to scare people.
I don't carry a gun because I'm paranoid.
I don't carry a gun because I'm evil.
I don't carry a gun because I hate the government.
I don't carry a gun because I'm angry.
I don't carry a gun because I want to shoot someone.
I don't carry a gun because I'm a cowboy.
I don't carry a gun to make me feel like a man.
I don't carry a gun because I feel inadequate.
I don't carry a gun because I love it.
Police Protection is an oxymoron. Free citizens must protect themselves.
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