So, two midgets chip in for a lottery ticket, and they win, so to celebrate, they get two motel rooms next to each other, and two hookers. They each go into a room with a girl. The first midget just sits there, staring at the girl. All night, he just stares at her. He's a midget, he doesn't know what to say to a hooker. And the whole night he hears from next door, "Unh! Oh! Unh! Oh!" The next morning the two midgets walk out of their motel rooms. The first midget says, "I didn't know what to say to her." The second midget says, "I couldn't even get up on the fucking bed."
I understand that scissors can beat paper and I get how rock can beat scissors but there is no way paper can beat rock. Is paper supposed to magically wrap around rock leaving it immobile? If so why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why because paper cant beat anyone! A rock would tear that shit up in two seconds. When I play rock paper scissors I will always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say "oh shit I'm sorry I thought paper would protect you!"
Fanfiction is a site for people who talk to themselves... a lot.
Fanfiction is a site for people who laugh at jokes that no one else gets.
Fanfiction is a site for people who are different, but don't care because, they know it's who they really are.
I run with scissors, it makes me feel dangerous.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.
Join the dark side. We have cookies!
I'm not insensitive, I just don't care.
The only reason I'm here is because heaven wouldn't have me and hell was afraid I'd take over.
A good girl is just a bad girl who's never gotten caught.
Taste the rainbow - Eat CRAYONS!
History lesson: the dinosaurs didn't go extinct, Barney came and they all committed suicide.
Slinky Escalator = Endless fun!
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself: where the heck is my ceiling?
When everything's coming your way, you're on the wrong side of the road.
A secret admirer is only a stalker with stationary.
If you are reading this then step 1 of my EVIL PLAN is complete.
You say psycho like it's a bad thing...
Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
People are like slinkies; basically useless, but ever so amusing to watch fall down the stairs.
If you can't convince 'em, confuse 'em.
Hell issued a restraining order on me...oh the fun to be had!
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
If you're color blind, eating sweets must be a completely different experience. "Come on starbursts, give me red!... LEMON, DAMNIT!
Love your enemies. It pisses them off.
The voices in my head may not be real but they still have pretty good ideas...
One day we'll look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
You're awesome... but when the zombies come, I'm tripping you.
I don't obsess! I think intensely!
Smile; it makes people wonder what you're up to.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
Whoever said nothing was impossible never tried to slam a revolving door.
If you have ever stayed up past 2 in the morning reading, copy and paste this on your profile.
If random songs pop into your head for no apparent reason, copy and paste this on your profile.
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fan fictions, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy and paste this to your profile.
If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this to your profile.
It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
If you have ever tripped up the stairs, copy and paste this into your profile.
There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.
If you have ever threatened your computer, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile.
All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies.
When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back.
Having the love of your life say, "we can still be friends", is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.
My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.
You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.
"It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 muscles to smile, but only 4 muscles to reach out and slap someone."
"I'm not afraid of Death. What's he gonna do, kill me?"
You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
"I'm not afraid of death i'm afraid of something much worse... my mother."
If you've ever spelled your name wrong, copy and paste this into your profile.
93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?" copy this into your profile.
If you've ever had a really and I mean really obvious revelation, such as "my gosh, I get it, it's called fall, because the leaves fall from the trees!" copy and paste this into your profile.
If you are anti-social sometimes copy this into your profile.
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.
Parents spend the first years of your life telling you to walk and talk, then the rest of it telling you to sit down and shut up.
One way to find out if something works: push all the buttons.
One day your prince will come. Mine? He took a wrong turn, got lost, and was to stubborn to ask for directions.
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
The trouble with alarm clocks is that they always go off when you're asleep.
Real girls aren't perfect, and perfect girls aren't real.
I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh, the fun I will have.
Note to self: Normal is just a setting on washing machines.
God created boys before girls because every true artist creates a rough draft before a masterpiece.
If you want to look young and thin, hang around with old fat people.
If Wal-mart is lowering their prices everyday, how come the store isn't free yet?
What hair color do they put down on the driver's licenses of a bald man?
I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you... you're just not laughing.
Be nice to your kids. They choose your nursing home.
Some see the glass half full, some see it half empty. Me? I just want to know who the hell is drinking my damn soda.
I dream of a better world...where chickens can cross roads without having their morals questioned.
The greener grass on the other side is probably just artificial turf.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Never knock on Death's door-ring the bell and run away. Death really hates that.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.
Education is important; school however, is another matter.
High School Musical 3 and Saw V were the two top movies at the box office when they opened. One depicted gruesome on screen torture. The other was about a guy with a saw.
Isn't it ironic . . . we ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us, hurt those who love us, and love those who hurt us.
Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.
No I won't go to hell! It has a restraining order against me.
Sometimes I wonder "why is the frisbee getting bigger?" Then it hits me.
If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.
Trust is like a vase. Once it's broken, though you can fix it the vase will never be the same again.
I'm going to love you when you least deserve it. Because that's when you need it the most.
Sex is not the answer.
To the world you're one person...
It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. Spoken by Albus Dumbledore.
It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. Spoken by Albus Dumbledore.
Lee Jordan was finding it difficult not to take sides.
"Your aunt and uncle will be proud, though, won't they?" said Hermione as they got off the train and joined the crowd thronging toward the enchanted barrier. "When they hear what you did this year?"
You think the dead we loved ever truly leave us? You think that we don't recall them more clearly than ever in times of great trouble? Your father is alive in you, Harry, and shows himself plainly when you have need of him. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Spoken by Albus Dumbledore.
"What's that?" he snarled, staring at the envelope Harry was still clutching in his hand. "If it's another form for me to sign, you've got another -"
You should have died! Died rather than betray your friends, as we would have done for you! Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban. Spoken by Sirius Black.
Believe me. I never betrayed James and Lily. I would have died before I betrayed them. Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban. Spoken by Sirius Black.
There's enough filth on my robes without you touching them. Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban. Spoken by Sirius Black.
I don't go looking for trouble. Trouble usually finds me. Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban. Spoken by Harry Potter.
Mr. Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business.
If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Spoken by Sirius Black.
My eyes aren't glistening with the ghosts of my past. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Spoken by Harry Potter.
Keep muttering and I will be a murderer. Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix. Spoken by Sirius Black.
"Did you like question ten, Moony?" asked Sirius as they emerged into the entrance hall.
"Excellent." said Lupin, looking up as Tonks and Harry entered. "We've got about a minute, I think. We should get out into the garden so we're ready. Harry, I've left a letter telling your aunt and uncle not to worry -"
"Harry, don't go picking a row with Malfoy, don't forget, he's a prefect now, he could make life difficult for you..."
"Do you remember me telling you we are practicing nonverbal spells, Potter?"
So, people, let's try to calm down a bit. Things are bad enough without inventing stuff as well. For instance, this new idea that You-Know-Who can kill with a single glance from his eyes. That's a Basilisk, listeners. One simple test: check whether the thing that’s glaring at you has got legs. If it has, it's safe to look into its eyes, although if it really is You-Know-Who, that's still likely to be the last thing you ever do. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Spoken by Fred Weasley
Dobby never meant to kill! Dobby only meant to maim, or seriously injure! Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Spoken by Dobby the House Elf