Name: I prefer Max or Coyote
Gender: Female, I'm pretty sure
Personality: Crazy. Humorous. Hyper. Lazy. Obsessive at times. Dark. Quiet. Loud. Can switch moods on a dime. A dreamer. Creative. Very protective of pets and friends. Most of the time trying to make friends die of laughter. Could get very ugly when in a argument. Manipulative. Open-minded. Could make a simple thing very complicated if not distracted. Wary. Could be bribed with 2 liter Dr.Peppers and Kit kats (Drools). When feeling strong emotions, could act like a animal. One minute so pissed off you would freeze like a deer in the headlights, and next so giddy with joy that you could actually see bunnies skipping and rainbows shitting skittles. Yeah, I'm a lil quirky... But who isn't?
I'VE GOT A LITTLE SOMETHING TO SAY TO ALL OF MY FRIENDS:
If you cry, I cry...
If you laugh, I laugh...
If you fight, I fight...
If you jump off a cliff...I'm gonna miss your retarded ass...
Copy the cute evil bunny to your profile to help him acheive world domination...
Copy the cute evil bunny to your profile to help him achieve world domination... ...
Copy the cute evil bunny to your profile to help him achieve world domination... ... ...
Copy the cute evil bunny to your profile to help him achieve world domination... ... ... ...
Copy the cute evil bunny to your profile to help him achieve world domination... ... ... ... ...
THERE!! I support the bunny!! Copy and paste the bunny shrine!!
SUPPORT THE BUNNY GODDAMIT!
If you have misspelled or have forgotten how to spell a word under four letters...put this on your profile.
If you have ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, put this on your profile.
If you have ever burst out laughing for absolutely NO reason at all, put this in your profile.
If your obsessed with fan fiction, copy this on your profile.
If you have ever copy and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile. Don't lie you know you have...you cannot deny the ways of the copy and paste!! Okay I'll meet you halfway...look below...
If you have ever copy and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.Even if you HAVEN'T copy and pasted something on your profile, PUT THIS ON YOUR PROFILE!! CAN'T GET OUT OF THIS ONE CAN YOU...don't hurt me...
If you have ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy this onto your profile.
If you think those kids should just give the God-forsaken Rabbit some damn cereal copy this in his honor.
There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.
If, for no warning, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile.
If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.
If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile
If you like smiley faces, put this on your profile :D
If you have ever gotten hit in the face with a ball and then started to laugh your ass off, put this on your profile.
Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. George Carlin (1937 - 2008)
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night- somebody's profile
Some people are like slinkies. Not really good for anything but still bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs same person's profile
"Knowledge is power, power corrupts. Study hard, be evil!"
A learning experience is one of those things that say, 'You know that thing you just did? Don't do that.'
IMPORTANT THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME!
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
19. My mother taught me ESP.
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
Really Dumb Store labels:
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (too late )
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (thank you captain obvious . . .)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (no comment . . .)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (Oh yeah because many kids are driving cars and operating machinery these days . . .)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (Isn't that kinda the point??)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (okay that made me curious, what other use??)
On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (captain obvious has returned!!)
On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (because they don't want to give us the fake bacon, they want to give us the real fake bacon :P)
On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.
On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.
On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children.
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?
Girl: Do you like me?
FRIENDS: Lend you their umbrella
FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and grandfather by name.
FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)
FRIENDS: Will comfort you when the guy rejects you
FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter
If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If, when reading fan fiction, you actually read people's disclaimers, copy and paste this in your profile.
30 things to do when you know you're going to fail an exam
1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.
4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.
7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
8. Come down with a BAD case of Turret's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Fuck this!" and walk out triumphantly.
14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i.e.. threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink.)
15. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).
16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.
18. If the exam is math / sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.
20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.
23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.
25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!
27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blackened out.
28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "The light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question. Ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him or her.
You're just jealous because the voices in my head talk to me and not you.
They say that guns don't kill people. People do. But I think that guns help. I mean, if a guy goes into a middle of a room and yells "BANG!" He wouldn't kill that many people.
Sarcasm isn't an attitude; it's an ART.
It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt... THEN IT'S EVEN FUNNIER!!
If you're pissed at someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you're a mile away from them, and you have their shoes! Bwahahahahahahahahahaha!
I used to have super powers... But my therapist took them away.
I don't care about what you're doing so much as the idiotic way you're doing it.
What is this "kindness" you speak of?
When life gives you lemons, make apple juice, then sit back and enjoy while others try to figure out how you do it.
The early bird catches the worm, on the other hand, the early worm get's eaten
I love you is eight letters. So is bullshit.
I know it sounds like I'm in denial. But I'm not.
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
Always remember your unique. Just like everyone else.
Damn it!! Shut up and tell me already!!
Fate is for those too weak to change their future. I'm not saying I'm weak...nor am I saying I'm strong...What I'm really saying...is that I'll kick your sorry ass!!
16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels. (oh baby ;) haha)
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "Pikachu, I choose you!"
People are like apples on trees.
The best ones are at the top of the tree.
But some people don’t want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good,but easy.
So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality they are amazing.
They just have to wait for the right person to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.
I'm sorry if I...
CRY too much
SMILE too big
LAUGH a lot
SING in the car
DANCE in the rain
SLEEP on the floor
TALK too loud
TRY too hard
Just remember I'm me, Not you
Funny Shit/Random Quotes:
I understand that scissors can beat paper and I get how rock can beat scissors but there is no way paper can beat rock. Is paper supposed to magically wrap around rock leaving it immobile? If so why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors why can't paper do this to people? Why aren’t sheets of college ruled paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anyone! A rock would tear that shit up in two seconds. When I play rock paper scissors I will always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say "Oh shit, I’m sorry I thought paper would protect you."
I run with scissors, it makes me feel dangerous.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.
Join the dark side. We have cookies!
The only reason I'm here is because heaven wouldn't have me and hell was afraid I'd take over.
A good girl is just a bad girl who's never gotten caught.
Taste the rainbow - Eat CRAYONS!
History lesson: the dinosaurs didn't go extinct, Barney came and they all committed suicide.
I ran with scissors - and lived!
Slinky Escalator = Endless fun!
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself: where the heck is my ceiling?
When everything's coming your way, you're on the wrong side of the road.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps
A secret admirer is only a stalker with stationary.
If you don't like my driving then stay off the sidewalk!
If you are reading this then step 1 of my EVIL PLAN is complete.
I find 'good morning' a contradiction of terms.
Cute but psycho - things even out.
If you can't convince 'em, confuse 'em.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
What you call stupidity, I call selective understanding.
If you're color blind, eating sweets must be a completely different experience. "Come on star bursts, give me red!... LEMON, DAMMIT!"
I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
I am not weird... just plotting.
I don't obsess! I think intensely!
Smile; it makes people wonder what you're up to.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
Whoever said nothing was impossible never tried to slam a revolving door.
"It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 muscles to smile, but only 4 muscles to reach out and slap someone."
"It doesn’t matter whether the glass is half empty or half full, just drink it and get it over with."
"I'm not afraid of Death. What's he gonna do, kill me?"
You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
"I'm not afraid of death I'm afraid of something much worse... my mother"
If someone you love hurts, cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it.
Man: Where have you been all my life? Woman: Hiding from you.
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Woman: Do not enter.
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilized.
Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. Woman: But would you stay there?
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together
Man: Your eyes they're amazing. Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.
Never knock on Death’s door. Ring the doorbell and run away, he hates that.
Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out
One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.
Don't follow in my footsteps. I walk into walls.
I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.
"...the little kid looks under his bed for a monster; the monster looks under his bed for the Rock; the Rock looks under his bed for Chuck Norris; Chuck Norris looks under his bed for Max."- What If? Maximum Ride fanfic, by deathtobieber (Funny as hell, should really read it.)