I can buy cigarettes.
Where to begin?
There are a lot and I don't feel like typing them all.
I believe in Jesus Christ.
“If you don’t find the right set of eyes to see through your bull, you will always be surrounded by friends that will tell you white lies because they like your company and don’t want to ruin the evening.” Shannon L. Adler
"If the brain were simple enough for us to understand it, we would be too simple to understand it." Ken Hill
"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love." Neil Gaiman
"When you counter, don't let him cut you. When you protect someone, don't let them die." Ichigo Kurosaki (Bleach)
"Good mood, bad mood, the right person's still gonna think the sun shines out your ass." Mack McGuff (Juno)
"When you have eliminated all which is impossible, then whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth." Arthur Conan Doyle
"If you hate a person, you hate something in them that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us" Hermann Hesse.
“After all, reading is arguably a far more creative and imaginative process than writing; when the reader creates emotion in their head, or the colors of the sky during the setting sun, or the smell of a warm summer's breeze on their face, they should reserve as much praise for themselves as they do for the writer - perhaps more.” Jasper Fforde
"Power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely," Lord Acton.
"It has often been said that power corrupts. But it is perhaps equally important to realize that weakness, too, corrupts. Power corrupts the few, while weakness corrupts the many. Hatred, malice, rudeness, intolerance, and suspicion are the faults of weakness. The resentment of the weak does not spring from any injustice done to them but from their sense of inadequacy and impotence. We cannot win the weak by sharing our wealth with them. They feel our generosity as oppression." Eric Hoffer
"We all have sufficient strength to endure the misfortunes of others." François, duc de La Rochefoucauld
“Books say: She did this because. Life says: She did this. Books are where things are explained to you; life is where things aren't. I'm not surprised some people prefer books. Books make sense of life. The only problem is that the lives they make sense of are other people's lives, never your own.” Julian Barnes
"If one cannot enjoy reading a book over and over again, there is no use in reading it at all." Oscar Wilde
“The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little way past them into the impossible.” Arthur C. Clarke
“Whenever you think or you believe or you know, you're a lot of other people: but the moment you feel, you're nobody-but-yourself.” E.E Cummings
“Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.” Charles Bukowski
“How glorious it is – and also how painful – to be an exception.” Alfred De Musset
“The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.” Flannery O'Connor
“It is perfectly true, as philosophers say, that life must be understood backwards. But they forget the other proposition, that it must be lived forwards.” Soren Kierkegaard
“I not only use all the brains that I have, but all I can borrow.” Woodrow Wilson
“In the case of good books, the point is not to see how many of them you can get through, but rather how many can get through to you.” Mortimer Jerome Adler
“Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.” Rudyard Kipling
“Finally, from so little sleeping and so much reading, his brain dried up and he went completely out of his mind.” Miquel De Cervantes Saavedra
“If you only read the books that everyone else is reading, you can only think what everyone else is thinking.” Haruki Murakami
“The boldness of his mind was sheathed in a scabbard of politeness.” Dumas Malone
"Don't loaf and invite inspiration; light out after it with a club.” Jack London
“Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them.” A.A Milne
“Be thine own palace, or the world's thy jail.” John Donne
“Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.” Lewis Carroll
“Fantasy is hardly an escape from reality. It's a way of understanding it.” Lloyd Alexander
“Think before you speak. Read before you think.” Fran Lebowitz
“To banish imperfection is to destroy expression, to check exertion, to paralyze vitality.” John Ruskin
“It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace.” Chuck Palahniuk
“The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.” Jules Renard
“I am selfish, private and easily bored. Will this be a problem?” Neil Gaiman
“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.” Marilyn Monroe
"Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring." Marilyn Monroe
"Anyone who thinks that they are too small to make a difference has never tried to fall asleep with a mosquito in the room." Christie Todd Whiteman
"Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it." - C. S. Lewis
"A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic - on the level with a man who says he is a poached egg - or he would be the devil of hell. You must take your choice. Either this was, and is, the Son of God, or else a madman or something worse. You can shut Him up for a fool or you can fall at His feet and call Him Lord and God. But let us not come with any patronizing nonsense about His being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us." - C.S. Lewis
"It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo, the ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were, and sometimes you didn't want to know the end, because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was after so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's just a passing thing, this shadow; even darkness must pass. A new day will come, and when the sun shines, it'll shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you, that meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now: Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something: There is some good in this world, Mr. Frodo, and it's worth fighting for." - Samwise Gamgee, The Lord of the Rings, The Two Towers (J.R.R. Tolkien)
"Wanting to be someone else is a waste of who you are." Kurt Cobain
"Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster, and if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you." Friedrich Nietzsche
"It is not God who kills the children. Not fate that butchers them or destiny that feeds them to the dogs. It's us. Only us." Rorschach, Watchmen
"The truth is rarely pure and never simple." Oscar Wilde
"Each of us has something within us which won't be denied, even if it makes us scream aloud to die. We are what we are, that's all. Like the old Celtic legend of the bird with the thorn in its breast, singing its heart out and dying. Because it has to, its self-knowledge can't affect or change the outcome, can it? Everyone singing his own little song, convinced it's the most wonderful song the world has ever heard. Don't you see? We create our own thorns, and never stop to count the cost. All we can do is suffer the pain, and tell ourselves it was well worth it". Colleen McCullough
"To fall in love is easy, even to remain in it is not difficult; our human loneliness is cause enough. But it is a hard quest worth making to find a comrade through whose steady presence one becomes steadily the person one desires to be." Anna Louise Strong
"Truth, justice, honor...none of that's worth shit. What matters is people, and people aren't honest or just or honorable. They're petty and they're angry and they're afraid, and all anyone really wants, deep down, is to be wanted. And what's truth to that?" M. Clark
"The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his." -George S. Patton
"A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day." Bill Watterson
"Believe me, every heart has its secret sorrow which the world knows not, and oftentimes we call a man cold, when he is only sad." Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone."- Rose Kennedy
OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; Why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion, or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
A moment of silence.
The Batman Shooting
"Many victims of today's tragedy were fans of science fiction/fantasy. They stood in line to be the first to see, to be inspired, to escape. As a community of dreamers, we mourn this terrible tragedy and the senseless taking of innocent life." George Takei