Poll: Who do you wish for Naruto to end up with in Kuro-Tenshi. Vote Now!
Author has written 6 stories for Ranma, Harry Potter, Naruto, and Fairy Tail.
This is my first time doing something along the lines of "people want to know about you" thing. i'm the outcast of my school so as per usual with outcasts i retreated to fantasy. not really used to attention. I instantly fell in love with all things Japanese when i was seven and i absolutely have to go to japan again (been there once before, only it lacked the giant lizards) My favorite Anime are as follows
and so many more.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs.
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
REAL FRIENDS: Will sit next to you saying “Damn … we fucked up … but that shit was fun!”
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never seen you cry.
REAL FRIENDS: Cry with you.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: Keep your shit so long they forget its yours.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Can write a book about you, with direct quotes from you.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door.
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say “I’M HOME!”
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Are for awhile.
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you’ve had enough.
REAL FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say “Bitch, drink the rest of that, you know we don’t waste.”
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out!
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world.
REAL FRIENDS: Not only kick everything out of their schedule to listen to whats wrong, but help come up with vindictive plans to make you feel a whole lot better!
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours.
REAL FRIENDS: Come right over and hang out with you, until you either fall asleep, or kick them out.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Would go to your funeral if you were murdered.
REAL FRIENDS: Would skip the funeral and go out looking for the murderer and kill him!!
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will help me find my way when I'm lost.
REAL FRIENDS: Will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will help me learn to drive.
REAL FRIENDS: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will help me up when I fall down.
REAL FRIENDS: Will point and laugh because he tripped me.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will go to a concert with me.
REAL FRIENDS: Will kidnap the band with me.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Hide me from the cops.
REAL FRIENDS: Are probably the reason they're after me in the first place.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Let me make an idiot of myself in public.
REAL FRIENDS: Are up there with me making an idiot out of themselves too.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will help me move.
REAL FRIENDS: Will help me move a body.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will ignore this
REAL FRIENDS: Will repost it
The Stupidest Things On Products
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Too late!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (As night follows day . . .)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope.)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash.)
On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."(Wow. That's really helpful)
On a child's superman costume:"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly". (Aw, that's the whole purpose of buying the costume!)
On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals".(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
On a package of pasta after the cooking instructions:"Put on fork and eat."(No! Really? We're supposed to eat food!?)
On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how?)
On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But, it's just a suggestion).
On a Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping." ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos!: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (the shoplifter special?)
On a Korean knife: “Keep out of children” (I should bloody well hope so!)
Boeing 757-"Fragile. Do not drop"(That means you, Hulk! Put that bloody airplane down, you might drop it!)
Scoopable cat litter-"safe to use around pets" (Again, I should bloody well hope so!)
Baby oil-"Keep out reach of children." (Good thing babies aren't children, isn't it!)
Hair coloring-"Do not use as an ice cream topping." (Yeah. My grandmother died because she thought my hair dye was ice-cream topping and put it in a sundae)
Komatsu Floodlight-"This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark" (OMG!! That's as amazing as a newsreader reading the news!)
Earplugs-"These earplugs are nontoxic, but they may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe." (Are you sure? Lets experiment.)
RCA television remote control-"Not dishwasher safe." (Did someone do this once...?)
Road sign-"Caution: water on road during rain." (No. Duh. Sherlock)
Screwdriver set- Do not insert in penis." (Aww, but i wanted to screw it.)
92 percent of the teenage population would die if Abercrombie and Fitch said that it wasn't cool to breathe anymore. Put this in your profile if you're part of the 8 percent who would be laughing your head off.
Christianity: The belief that some Cosmic Jewish Zombie will make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and drink his blood while telepathically telling him that you accept him as your master, so that he can remove an evil from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree. Makes perfect sense. :P
If you can read this message, you are blessed because over two billion people in the world cannot read at all:
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal
pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a
rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't
mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer
be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl
mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling
was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!
If you could read that put it in your profile!
Here's a link to one of the most awesome pictures ever, another author here approached me with the offer to draw a fan manga to my story Rebirth and here's what Harry'll look like in it.
While I my self am not gay some of my bet friends are, this is dedicated to them. Any one who has shit to say about me because of that can kiss my ass!
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn't have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
I seriously think Homophobia is wrong LOVE KNOWS NO GENDER Repost this if you think homophobia is wrong.
Quote of the Moment:
1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, liposuction and air conditioning.
2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that
3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy
4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed
5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were
6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay
7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight
8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like
9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role
10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could
Copy this to your profile if you believe in legalizing gay marriage! (For those in the audience that are mentally challenged it's meant to be sarcastic)
Her name was Auroura
Her dad was a drunk
Her only friend
She always talked to it
Until her parents
A bruise on her leg
But she grabs her bear
She sits in the corner
Such a bad life
Then one night
Then her mom suddenly
She thrusted the blade
The mom walked out
Police showed up
One officer slowly
It must have been bad
I've nearly lost friends to similar situations. Thankfully they had me and the rest of our Nakame to catch them. Not everyone is so lucky. If you read this and wish to re-post it. I challenge you to take it even further. If your in school and you know someone who has a shitty home life, regardless of race, gender, religion, or sexual preferences. Befriend them and make sure that this Never happens to them.
See that girl you just called fat? She is starving herself. You know that girl you just called ugly? She spends hours putting on make-up hoping people will like her. That boy you just tripped? He is abused enough at home. See that old man you made fun of cause of the ugly scars? He fought for our country. See that young boy you must made fun of for always being sick? He has to walk home in the snow cause his family is too poor. That guy you just made fun of for crying? His mother is dying.
Re-Post this if you are against bullying. I bet 95% of you won't Your life is probably not as harsh as theirs.
I've put the ones that apply to me in bold
I'm EMO sometimes, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be smart.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm THE OUTCAST that everybody hates, so I MUST be planning to kill them.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm an ATHEIST, so I MUST hate the world.
I DON'T HAVE A RELIGION, so I MUST not have morals.
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I'm JAMAICAN, so I must smoke weed.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I take ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST work at a casino.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a stuck up whore.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a stupid ditz.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals.
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a big peter.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be gay.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool.
I have GERMAN HERITAGE, so I MUST be a Nazi
I hang out with GAYS, so I MUST be GAY TOO.
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited.
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm HAWAIIAN, so I MUST be lazy.
I'm a STONER, so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.
I'm a VIRGIN, so I MUST be a prude.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly or crazy.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon and fried chicken.
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN, so I MUST worship Satan.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
repost this if you think stereotyping is wrong.
10 Commandments of a Teenager
1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
Pick the month you were born on...
1(Jan) - I shot
Pick the day (number) you were born on...
01 - a rock star
Pick the color of shirt you are wearing...
White - because I'm sexy like that
I slapped a rock star because I love weed
The Situation in Hell
The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I go out with you", and take into account the fact that I went out with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct . . . leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A."
Life lessons, by Fiori75.
disrespect to those of you who are christian, but it is the rare follower of your faith that actually knows anything about your own religion. After all Christ did say to love thy enemy, so whats with all the hatred and violence towards those who are different than you or don't worship your god?
2.The world is made of a near infinite sea of moral gray zones with very few absolutes. Those who seek to see the world in those absolutes, black and white/ good and evil, are morons of the highest caliber.
3.This world is seen through a combination of perception and reality, and when those two factor clash, reality shall always loose to perception. In short people see and hear what they want, despite the evidence that they're wrong.
4.Despite what many people say, respect is not given out freely for things like age and position, no respect is earned by example and action. After all many people older than me are nowhere near respectable, just look at Jerry Springer for proof.
5.Despite what you may have been told or lead to believe, anything is possible. It just requires the belief in this fact and the stubborn determination to pull it off.
6.Whether we like it or not, bad shit happens to good people, when it does we have two distinct options. We can either give up and bitch about it or we can get back up and move forward, giving up is the cowards way out, So you can guess what I've chosen.
matter what, always ask questions. Whether it's because you want to learn, need a better understanding, or just to mess with someones head, always question. After all there really is no other way to tell if someones full of shit or not without questioning them.
8.Regardless of what anyone tells you, you are just fine the way you are. The only person who matters when it comes to how you look or act is you yourself. If people think your weird or don't like you, fuck'em, as long as you're happy that's all the matters.
9.Finally it is with great regret that I must inform you all that the world is filled with morons. Morons who will doubtlessly, if given the chance, find both memorable and unbelievable ways to get themselves killed in the most spectacular manner they can. Keep in mind they don't intend to, they just don't think before acting. So it's probably a good idea to smile and back away slowly when one of your friends suggests playing Russian-roulette with a land mind.
If you feel inspired by any of the wisdom I have imparted on you, please feel free to repost one, or all of the lessons. If however you think i'm a preachy asshole who needs to shut-up, guess what. I don't care.
After 15 long years, Naruto is finally complete. at 700 chapters long it is one of those series that touched so many lives, Hell i got into fanfiction because of Naruto. So it'll come to some shock for many of you to know that I only started reading the series to get one of my friends to shut up about that stupid aryan looking kid running around in an orange track suit screaming about being a ninja. I started reading the story with the exception of being disappointed... I then proceeded to loose several days worth of sleep as i binged out on it all the way up to Naruto kicking the shit out of Pein. However after that point I feel that Kishimoto lost something, he got tired, or maybe he just didn't care anymore. But I... well disappointment in how he handled a lot of the interaction and development of characters after that point seems to be the best way to say it... I mean come on the bullshit with Sasuke, Sakura's "confession". And FUCKING KAGUYA! That was a plot twist we all could have done without... as it made no sense what so ever and had no build up towards at all. Madaraa should have stayed the main villain, and a lot of other things should have happened, but if i start going into it I'll be here for days.
at least Kishi was able to end it the way he should have, the village is prosperous, people are happy, Naruto is Hokage... And he's banging Hinata! Hahahahahahaha suck it NaruSaku fans!
Quotes, things that have made me laugh or think, but knowing me probably laugh.
“All I heard was blah blah blah, Fate, blah blah blah Fate, blah blah blah Sasuke and something something more fate. But whatever, what I really want to know is how you make you’re hair blow with no wind.” --Naruto
People have hope, Because they cannot see Death standing behind them.
"All killing them would do is lower the idiot population." --Sanzo
"I've never asked you for anything, Sesshoumaru," he growled through gritted teeth, claws twitching uncontrollably. "Except food." Inuyasha flushed furiously. "I was four!" --InuYasha to Sesshoumaru
“Look, it’s just a bigger game of tug-of-war. If the other guy’s pulling, then either pull harder or drop the rope and let the bastard fall on his ass!”
Shikamaru Block: A combination of writers block and sheer laziness.
“We’re contemplating changing it to ite-Bay e-May, itches-Bay. What do you think?” --Sirius to James about the black family motto
Sakura began banging on the door. "You can't steal Sasuke-kun! He belongs to Gaara's brother!!"
Ah, yes. The awkward silent tension. How he had missed this from his own country. No. Really. This and the multitude of lakes. --Gaara
"I taught Lee-san everything he knows about being youthful!” Gai boasted. Gaara grinned sardonically and kicked Gai square in the nuts. Gai keeled over in pain. “How youthful did that feel?” Gaara laughed as he walked off.
Hoshigaki Kisame and Uchiha Itachi stood in the village square, trying to figure out the best way to kidnap Naruto. So far plan ‘smack him over the head with a two by four and drag him away by his feet’ was in the lead.
You can learn a lot about a person if you just take the time to inject them with sodium pentothal
The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his
If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and go good with ketchup.
Caution: i only break for trolls, fairies, nymphs, centaurs, phoenixes, unicorns, elves, dragons, and other mystical creatures that only I can see.
"Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm." Winston Churchill
There were times that called for the use of ancient and powerful words, the acknowledgment of humans in a crisis everywhere and everywhen since language was first invented. "Shit."
"Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much." Unknown
"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car." Unknown
"Fighting fair is for people that don't know how to avoid losing correctly."
"Did you know that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?"
"I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death. What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch and you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities. You become a little baby, you go back into the womb, spend your last nine months floating... and you finish off as an orgasm." - George Carlin --R.I.P. you wonderful silly man.
"A fighter with lesser skill can knock out a man in one punch, but a regular person can make a skilled fighter cry like a girl with a single bullet."
"If at first you don't succeed, deny that you were really trying in the first place."
"The thing you should be thinking about isn't whether or not I can actually kill you with the nail clippers, it should be the fact that whether I can or not is irrelevant. No matter if I can or not, you know full well that I'm going to try, and that more than anything else should scare the hell out of you for more than one reason and answer your question right there.-Kenchi618
"Grammar is important. Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse."
"There's a very fine line between not listening and not caring. I like to think that I walk that line every day of my life."
"I don't understand a word you're going on about, but I know exactly what you're saying and I refuse to apologize."
"Shotgun to the face is a great contingency plan! Wanna see how it cures insubordination?" Sarge - Red vs. Blue
"It's like the little green man said: Touch the dark side, and forever will it dominate your destiny. And Vernon was starting to take the dark side out for drinks and trying to get in its pants." Harry Potter - School Spirit - Fanfic dot net
Dracula's castle… and bar and grill. "It's so hard to make ends meet these days. Do you know what the property tax is on a castle this size?"
" The day the music died" is referring to the day when Justin Bieber was born.
If you can't amaze them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
Bad Deity, bad! No Apocalypse!
Heaven doesn't want me and Hell's afraid I'll take over.
I don't flirt with death, she just runs up and stick's her tongue in my ear.
Let Sleeping Zombie Tyrannosaurus Rex lie. (Coolest Dresden Files reference ever)
"If the road to hell is paved with good intentions, does that mean the stairway to heaven is made up of bad intentions?" --Mine (Inspired by a one-shot by Lucillia)
I'd rather be a fighter than a lover. Because a lover just expects everything to be handed to them and never strive for more. Now a fighter, a fighter strives for what he wants, earns every last bit he has. And when he can't get what he wants, he fights harder till he gains it -- theDivineDemon
The lesser of two evils is still an evil. - Me
Animals have rights too people... the right to GET IN MY BELLY!!!
Damned instructions were like a Japanese VCR manual, translated in to Russian by an irate Frenchman.
"Ooops!" "Define 'Ooops'." "Self-destruct in one minute. All crew, head to escape pod. I repeat, all crew..." came over the speakers. "Ah, that type of 'Ooops!'."
"I give it to ya, man, when you do something, you do it right." he said looking at the mushroom-shaped coud...
"I've seen stranger things." "Ok, seriously, why are you staring at me?"
"A single change in a seemingly unimportant variable can throw an entire system out of balance. Shall we see exactly how unbalanced we can get?"
"Pussy!" "Yes, please," Neville deadpanned. Half of Padma's sip of wine went down the wrong hole.
"When life throws you lemons make lemonade. Then track down life and pour the burning acid of the lemonade in its eyes. Then say, "Throw lemons at me again see what happens."
Sometimes it is entirely appropriate to kill a fly with a sledgehammer!
We're surrounded! That simplifies the problem!
We're not retreating, hell! We're attacking in a different direction!
'It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he's telling them all different things.'
You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
http:///s/7TT3DGF-take the survey. you know you wanna!