Lord of the Rings
Inheritance cycle series
His Dark Materials
Three Days Grace
Lamb of God
Three Doors Down
ºø„„øº„øº copy and paste if
Copy and paste this into your profile if when you were young... There were only 150 Pokemon. Digimon was popular. Yugi-Oh actually had Yugi in it. You didn't get weird looks when you went Trick-or-Treating. Nobody cared what you looked like. Hamtaro ROCKED. Catching a pidgeon was cool. Pirates before Pirates of the Carribean. Nobody knew how to spell 'Volcano'. Pinky and the brain were cartoon characters, not body parts. Saying 'moron' was a swear word. Fire was considered dangerous. The only thing you had to worry about were cooties. Cursive writing was just a bunch of swirly lines. Multiplication was scary. Dora the Explorer and that goddamned monkey who follows her EVERYWHERE didn't exist. The first Harry Potter was the coolest thing since sliced bread. If you were, copy and paste then write your name. Catemonster, Angel Dumott Schunard Collins, Palinana, Kaz-za-15, Taijiya Mizu, DarkBombayAngel, Schizzar, HollyBerry, Devilsummoner666
"To err is human but when the eraser runs out, you're doing it too much"- unknown
You see this? Huh?! NYPD! Means I will "Nock Your Punk-ass Down!" - Agent J (Men in Black)
Thank you for participating in our drill. Had this been an actual emergency, y'all woulda been eaten. 'Cause you don't listen. You ignorant. How a man gon' come bashin' thru a subway win-- That's the problem with all y'all New Yorkers. "Oh, we seen it all." "Oh no! A 600 ft. worm! Save us, Mr Black Man!" And I come in, I ask ya nice move to the next car! Y'all just sit there like... - Agent J (Men in Black II)
Silly little planet. I could rule the place with the right set of mammary glands. - Serleena (Men in Black II)
Wow, I've never seen a talking mutt before. You know in a dog show, you'd definitely take first place. - Dante (Devil May Cry 3)
You sure know how to throw a party. No food, no drinks, and the only babe just left. - Dante (Devil May Cry 3)
Might controls everything, and without strength, you cannot protect anything. Let alone yourself. - Vergil (Devil May Cry 3)
Well, we have something in common. I have a dysfunctional family too. - Dante (Devil May Cry 3)
Wo..wo-wo-wo-wo-wo, you're not going to shoot me, are you? If you do, I'll die, you know? - Jester (Devil May Cry 3)
If that's what it takes to shut you up. It bugs the crap out of me when someone talks more than I do. - Dante (Devil May Cry 3)
It's like staring into a backed-up toilet! Why do you always stick your nose in other families' business. Come on, dude, don't you have any hobbies? - Dante (Devil May Cry 3)
Look at you, making a big dramatic entrance and stealing my spotlight! - Dante (Devil May Cry 3)
Not very classy for someone's dying words. - Vergil (Devil May Cry 3)
And the rest is silence. - Dante (Devil May Cry 4)
You can hide that body, but the smell? Whoo! There's no covering up. - Dante(Devil May Cry 4)
Check it out! It's got wings!- Dante(Devil May Cry 4)
An opportunity to save the world doesn't happen everyday you know! Savor it.- Dante(Devil May Cry 4)
From that day forth...my arm changed...and a voice echoed "Power! Give me more power!"...and if I become a demon, so be it...I'll endure the exile...anything, to protect her! - Nero (Devil May Cry 4)
You look as if you've just been playing me from the beginning. - Nero (Devil May Cry 4)
Ha! Check it out! It's got wings! - Dante (Devil May Cry 4)
I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve. - Bilbo Bagins (LotR The Fellowship of the Ring)
A wizard is never late, Frodo Baggins. Nor is he early; he arrives precisely when he means to! - Gandalf (LotR The Fellowship of the Ring)
Nobody tosses a dwarf. - Gimli (LotR The Fellowship of the Ring)
Sons of Gondor! Of Rohan! My brothers! I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me! A day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship. But it is not this day. An hour of wolves and shattered shields when the age of Men comes crashing down! But it is not this day! This day we fight! By all that you hold dear on this good Earth, I bid you stand! Men of the West! - Aragorn(LotR The Return of the King)
Arise! Arise, riders of Théoden! Spears shall be shaken, shields shall be splintered - a sword day, a red day, ere the sun rises! Ride now! Ride now! Ride! Ride to ruin, and the world's ending! Forth Éorlingas! - Theoden (LotR The Return of the King)
Elrond: Ónen i-estel edain. ["I give hope to mankind"]
Well this is a thing unheard of! An Elf will go underground, when a Dwarf dare not! Oh, I'd never hear the end of it! - Gimli (LotR The Return of the King)
That still only counts as one! - Gimli (LotR The Return of the King)
Gimli: I never thought I'd die fighting side-by-side with an elf.
Gimli: Well, lad, whatever luck you live by, let's hope it lasts the night.
Gimli: Oh, come on! We can take 'em!
A minute is all I need... (Cristina: Indeed...) Wait, that came out wrong. - Ezio Auditore (Assassin's Creed II)
I'm mostly innocent! - Ezio Auditore (Assassin's Creed II)
Abstergo has some really fucked up interiors decorators. - Desmond Miles (Assassin's Creed II)
"Genius by Birth
Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.
You've gotta die in creative ways.
They keep saying the right person will come along; I think mine got hit by a
If it's not nailed down, it's fair game.
To err is human, to forgive is not Company Policy
When in doubt, use brute force. When that doesn't work...RUN LIKE HELL!
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
If you are feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.
Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.
Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough.
If you mess with anything long enough, it'll break.
Push something hard enough and it will fall.
I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.
Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror and you
Tomorrow will be canceled due to lack of interest.
Schizophrenia beats being alone.
Why is it that when adults have multiple personalities it's schizophrenia,
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all the evidence that you tried."-Drakai
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: Danyan, Avatarwolf, Shifter-youkai ChOpstIcKsXOXO, RadicalEd57, Fierygirl0, tsukiko3000,Neonzangetsu, Drakai, Devilsummoner666
"To err is human... but when the eraser runs out, you're doing it too much."- Unknown
You know you live in 2008 when
1. You accidentally enter your password on your microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don't have a screen name or my space.
4. You would rather look all over the house for the remote rather than just pushing the buttons on the t.v.
6. Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.
7. As you read this list keep nodding and smiling.
8. As you read this list you think of sending it to all your freinds.
9. And you were to busy to notice # 5
10. And you scrolled back up to see if their was a # 5
11. Now your laughing at yourself stupidly.
12. Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did.
OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
RIP We shall remember
My name is Tiffany
I am three,
My eyes are swollen
I cannot see,
I must be stupid
I must be bad,
What else could have made
My daddy so mad?
I wish I were better
I wish I weren’t ugly,
Then maybe my mommy
Would still want to hug me.
I can’t do a wrong
I can’t speak at all
Or else im locked up
All day long.
When im awake im all alone
The house is dark
My folks aren’t home
When my mommy does come home
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe ill just get
One whipping tonight.
I just heard a car
My daddy is back
From Charlie’s bar.
I hear him curse
My name is called
I press myself
Against the wall
I try to hide
From his evil eyes
I’m so afraid now
I’m starting to cry
He finds me weeping
Calls me ugly words,
He says its my fault
He suffers at work.
He slaps and hits me
And yells at me more,
I finally get free
And run to the door
He’s already locked it
And i start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me
Against the hard wall
I fall to the floor
With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues
With more bad words spoken,
"I’m sorry!", I scream
But its now much to late
His face has been twisted
Into a unimaginable shape
The hurt and the pain
Again and again
O please God, have mercy!
O please let it end!
And he finally stops
And heads for the door
While i lay there motionless
Brawled on the floor
My name is tiffany
I am three,
Tonight my daddy
And you can help
Sickens me top the soul,
And if you read this
and don’t pass it on
I pray for your forgiveness
Because you would have to be
One heartless person
To not be effected
By this Poem
And because you are effected,
Do something about it!
So all i ask you to do
Is pass this on!
IF YOU ARE AGAINST CHILD ABUSE
Her name was Auroura
Her dad was a drunk
Her only friend
She always talked to it
Until her parents
A bruise on her leg
But she grabs her bear
She sits in the corner
Such a bad life
Then one night
Then her mom suddenly
She thrusted the blade
The mom walked out
Police showed up
One officer slowly
It must have been bad
If child abuse makes you sick and you think it's horrible and should be stopped, put this poem on your profile.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs.
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
REAL FRIENDS: Will sit next to you saying “Damn … we fucked up … but that shit was fun!”
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never seen you cry.
REAL FRIENDS: Cry with you.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: Keep your shit so long they forget its yours.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Can write a book about you, with direct quotes from you.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door.
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say “I’M HOME!”
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Are for awhile.
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you’ve had enough.
REAL FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say “Bitch, drink the rest of that, you know we don’t waste.”
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out!
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world.
REAL FRIENDS: Not only kick everything out of their schedual to listen to whats wrong, but help come up with vindictive plans to make you feel a whole lot better!
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours.
REAL FRIENDS: Come right over and hang out with you, until you either fall asleep, or kick them out.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will ignore this
REAL FRIENDS: Will repost it
You're a 90's kid if:
You can finish this 'ice ice _'
If you are Harry Potter obsessed, copy this into you profile and add your name: Ga Nat Nat, Lady Aki, LilyGinnyBlack, Lilyre, Hermione16, KrisiMwahz, Master of Bringsir, Devilsummoner666,
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
You say BABY PINK
Copy and paste if you are proud to go against the grain.
Man law. I follow these do you??
1. No wasted beer in the name of humor.
2. It has been made official that under no circumstances should the male have to pay for birth control
3. If your best friend is dumped by a girl it is a 6 month waiting period till she can be touched. If he breaks up with her its a 6 day waiting period.
4. If two or more males arrived at a party by a single car, and the driving male is hooking up with a girl, it is the responsibility of the other males to find other ways home.
5. Short shorts have been banned.. unless in a participating in a sporting event that demands shorter shorts. Also no real man should be allowed to pop his collar.
6. Every man shall allow one empty urinal of separation in a bathroom with three or more urinals, law is void if there are dividers in between each urinal.
7. If a girl and a guy are not officialy dating then it can't be considered cheating. However...if the guy cheats with a girl that is less attractive to the one he is originally interested in then he is either... A) Drunk or B) Dumbass. This then gives the original girl the right to either get mad or laugh at you.
8. No one should ever steal a man's alcohol from that man's cooler...this is the only law that suffers the penalty of death.
9. When bringing condoms to a party it is a man's responsibility to pack two in his pockets and one in his car as a spare incase a friend is in desperate need.
10. No heavy fornication in a friend's bed. Or just wash the sheets.
11. No man shall ever use a rolling backpack. If you can't carry the bag then your not a man.
12. If another man's fly is down, you didn't see anything and may not make a comment about it.
13. When a man is borrowing a buddies tool or other equipment, if the borrowie puts any scratches or brings it back with any noticable wear, then he is required to do one of the following: If the item costs under 50 bucks, you are required to replace it. If the item costs over 50 bucks, you are required to give him a case of beer, because hey...who wants to spend more than 50 bucks on something that isn't yours.
14. When your friend picks up a hot girl...however the hot girl has an ugly friend...it is only right that you operate as a wing man doing whatever it is you gotta do to help your buddy have some time alone with the hot girl. As men we are obligated to sacrifice and pay it forward for each other knowing that the favor will one day be repayed.
15. When calling shotgun, all riders of the car must be outside, and shotgun can only be called when the car is in view. Riders in the car are not allowed to run to shotgun and steal it before the person who called and deserves it arrives there. The driver of the car has no authority to decide on who gets shotgun. If a legitimate confrontation comes up where the rightful owner of the shotgun can not be determined then it will be decided by one round of rock paper scissors (with no shoot). If the two contenders tie 5 times in a row then the rightful owner of the shotgun is to be decided by a UFC cage match in which the first blood drawn decides the rightful owner of shotgun.
Addendum to Man Law No. 15:
16. It is ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS with no shoot. If you must say shoot, it has to be agreed upon by both men and a witness has to be present and somewhat sober.
17. When toasting with beers you clank with the bottom.
18. You poke it you own it.
19. The head nod is an acceptable way to greet another guy when simply walking past. No words are needed to be said. An upward nod is for friends, a downward nod is for fellow men.
20. If a man is on vacation to a state that does not border his own, or any other country, it is not considered cheating if he so chooses to engage in sexual activity with a girl other than his girlfriend. Although he should be fully aware that his girlfriend may not see eye to eye if she was to ever find out.
21. A man should not masturbate more than 3 times in a day to insure being ready for any unknown or known late night action. Assisting Girls does not count.. rule is in exception if male party is in a bet to set a record of number of times in a day.
22. A man shall never wear any article of women's clothing (I.E .. Girls Jeans/Pants!) unless they are the loser of such a bet.. or if a man is figuratively in a girls pants.. (or any other article of clothing).
23. No man in any circumstance, unless mocking a violater of this law, should pop his collar.
24. A man should never be denied the right to adjust himself or place his hands down his pants under any circumstances.
25. Being a Pirate should be considered a Manly job because pirates get two types of booty.
26. All men must eat meat. A shitload of meat. If not borderline carnivore. For no reason should a man ever be a vegetarian, or eat sick shit like tofu. Also no man should consume any food with the terms "diet", "fat free", or any other healthy suggesting terms for the sake of "watching his weight" or dieting.
27. Every man is required to learn some form of Poker before he dies.
28. If a man ever does something wrong a simple "OOPS", "My Bad", or any variations of cuss words that get the point across will suffice, no need to say "I'm Sorry"
29. No man should ever hook up with his best friend's girl, no matter how hot she is. This is in effect while they are dating or "together." If they are separated refer to Law 3 for the proper way to handle the situation. (Side Advice: Less guilt is involved if she comes on to you.
30. Under no circumstance should any one man cockblock another mans attempt at getting some tang. Lets just leave that up to the tangs fat friend. Please note that cockblocking will result in a suspension of your Man status and its privileges, and will result in the title Manbitch.
31. Every man should watch sportscenter at least once a day, though multiple viewings are recomended so that one can hold his own in any debate on sports that may arise that day.
32. Under no circumstances shall any man lay a hand on a female or a child in violence. Spanking of a woman's ass or pulling of the hair is permitted if done on request. Corporal punishment is permitted excluding obvious extremes. Punishment for the attacking male is that if other men see the assault taking place they having the right to take him out back behind a building and show him how to fight with real men. In this situation more than one man may be used in the attacking of said woman beater because he clearly doesn't mind an unfair fight seeing as he was hitting a lady or a child to begin with. A call to the police is a very last resort and should only be used if said male is over 6' 5" 250lb. or a UFC cage fighter. A kick to the crotch is only called for in cases of rape. If it is merely a guy beating a woman, defenseless child, or elderly people then a legitimate beating is called for, but no shots to the crotch. If it is a case of rape however, multiple shots to the crotch are called for. The punishment must fit the crime and since rape is using that area of the body, it is ok to inflict damage to it.
33. If a woman is present whether family or friend no man under any circumstances shall make their own food or pour their own drinks unless it is a special holiday such as, Mother's day, Birthday's, or St. Patrick's day or if the woman cannot keep up with the pace you want your drink poured. Law is void if significant grilling is involved.
34. No man shall ever watch a soap opera ever! Period! If this law is broken, it will result in the lowering of status from man to manbitch and the questioning of the liking of opposite gendered relationships.
35. Women can't drive.
36. In the court of Man Law the statement "I was Drunk" will have the same effect as an insanity plea (reduced punishment) in standard court provided the defendant's blood alcohol level exceeds .10.
37. If any male is caught violating a Man Law in serious context, as a form of punishment he should be disowned of his manly name, only to receive the title of "Manbitch" from his peers and colleagues. Forgiveness is pending the severity of the broken law...or a case of beer to all his offended peers as a token of respect to what is manly...and what is not.
38. Any man that is old enough and is not in the army should at least support the troops, even if you dont agree with the war they are your country men fighting to protect you and you should show them your support
39. No more crushing of empty beer cans on your forehead. modern, thinner cans make the feat less impressive than with cans of years past.
40. If you take beer to a party the tuck rule is in play when leaving, you may take one beer max, but only if the beer will fit in your pocket.
41. Do not have a conversation at a urinal.
42. A man will not live in his parents house past the age of 27 unless they are ill or he is in the war.
43. All men have the right to remain silent when asked by a woman "do you like this". and the right to leave the room.
44. Sex is more important then talking
45. No man under any circumstance shall use lip balm.
46. Grilling regardless of weather is always the first choice for cooking.
47. No man shall ever own a dog smaller then a house cat
48. Men will invite other men to Man Law
49. No man shall ever turn down free beer because "its not their brand."
50. No man shall be shamed if they are passed out with their shoes off in your place. If the person passes out outside of the house, then they are fair game shoes or not.
51. It is acceptable for a man to publicly situate and/or scratch himself in the region of the gonads. If at a formal conference, then do so discretely. If at a football party, scratch away, just no handshakes.
52. The morning after, if a beer has been left on the table, no matter the temperature, it is acceptable to consume this item with food, such as its counterpart, cold pizza.
53. If you spill a man's beer, you buy the next round/refill the cup.
54. Nursing a beer is unacceptable. The bottle/can/cup should never reach lukewarm temperature with beer still in it. If you cant drink it in said time, don't open it. If you cant drink it in said time, your man status will be up for review.
55. Always accept beer from a stranger, but only if unopened/capped.
56. It is never a man's responsibility to empty the trash while drinking. Beer cans may be staked or crushed while the bottles may be thrown into neighbor's lawn.
57. A man does not have to like another man to drink his beer. Beer is beer.
58. It is acceptable for a man to break man laws, if no other option is humanly possible, in the pursuit of the opposite sex. His actions will be given leeway.
59. The bachelor's party is exclusively male. (except the entertainment).
60. No man may ever sell a beer to a friend. Its understood that said friend will repay beer with beer later. Under no circumstance may the replacement beer be of a lesser quality.
61. A man purse is still a purse.
62. No man shall dance for fun unless its to increase his chances with a member of the opposite sex.
63. Body paint is only acceptable on a man if its on gameday and to support his team.
64. No man shall bring a woman to the guys night out. this is punishable by verbal abuse for life.
65. If you do not sweat, its not a sport.
66. If a large snake catches a man offguard and bites, said man is allowed to scream once.
67. No man shall wear a beret unless its for his military service.
68. When lifting weights, it is acceptable for a man to wear compression shorts under the regular shorts. No man shall ever wear compression shorts alone.
69. No man shall ever, under and circumstance, share an umbrella with another man.
70. No two men are allowed to enter a revolving door together. Unless it involves a race were the winner receives a combination of the following: beer, food, sex.
71. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want" gets an Xbox. End of story.
72. Keeping beer from other's by hiding it in the fridge is not permissable. Besides, sharing is caring.
73. Wives and girlfriends may not store items other than beer in the garage fridge. It is for beer only.
74. A man may publicly rebuke another man only if the first man has the man law and number memorized. Otherwise the rebuke must be in private. Furthermore, any man who has the man laws memorized will be deemed a "higher" man.
75. In no situation is it acceptable to sit cross-kneed. You either sit with feet-crossed, no cross, or stand.
76. Men are allowed to lick the plate when done but only when alone or with other men.
77. A man should be able to determine a diesel engine by sound alone.
78. While smiling, no man shall stick his tongue between his teeth.
79. It should be understood that while, yes, cheerleading is not a sport, and it is perfectly accepted to watch.
80. If a man is punched, and the hit is rubbed, he is punched again in the same area twice.
81. A man should be able to lucidly explain the rules of one or more of the following sports: Football (not the European kind), Baseball, or Ice Hockey.
82. The dressing of any pet for any reason is not acceptable...any garment that is not a part of the animal shall not be allowed to be attached to that animal...exceptions are collars, leashes, etc. exception to this rule are monkeys.
83. Under no circumstances shall any man drink wine cooler...ever...unless beer or liquor is completely unattainable. This includes anything (non liquor) fruit flavored that comes in a bottle.
84. Under no circumstances shall a man ever defer control of the television remote to a female.
85. There are three reasons for which a man is allowed to cry.
86. When watching a "catfight" it is perfectly acceptable to choose sides. It is also perfectly acceptable to pray for rippage of clothing.
87. When in a public shower, no man will look below the shoulders. Also, no eye-to-eye contact for more than one second is allowed. If eye contact occurs, nod upwards, and look away.
88. No man under any circumstances should have to explain the use of a power tool to another man.
89. Never should man give a woman the credit card. No exceptions.
90. No man should talk on a telephone to a girl longer than he will have sex with her.
91. Every man should smoke at least one premium cigar in his life. Not any swisher sweet crap either. Cohiba, Monicristo, CAO (Cade Mayo).
92. No man shall ever read an instruction manual. If the man does not know how to use the item trial and error shall be used until the correct function is determined.
93. No man shall be held accountable for any promise he makes while drunk unless it was a bet. (Boots Jones)
94. When questioned by a friend's girlfriend, you need not and should not provide any information as to his whereabouts. You are even permitted to deny his very existence.
95. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 24 hours.
96. A best man's toast may not include any of the following phrases, "down in Tijuana", "one time when we were all piss drunk", or "and this girl had the biggest rack you ever saw".
97. You may exaggerate any anecdote told to your friends by 50 without recrimination, beyond that anyone within earshot is allowed to yell out "bullshit!". (exception: when trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration is 400)
98. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another man is 5 minutes. The maximum is 6 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.
99. Bitching about the brand of free beverages in your buddy's refrigerator is forbidden. But gripe at will if the temperature is not suitable.
100. A friend must be permitted to borrow anything you own - grill, car, firstborn child - within 12 hr notice. Women or anything considered "lucky" are not applicable in this case.
101. Falling on a grenade for a buddy (agreeing to distract the skanky friend of the hot babe he's trying to score) is your legal duty. But should you get carried away with your good deed and end up getting on the beast, your pal is forbidden to ever speak of it.
102. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wing clean.
103. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (in fact, even remembering your best friends birthday is optional)
104. You must offer heartfelt condolences over the death of a girlfriends cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.
105. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing. You should know such things.
106. If your girlfriend asks to set your friend up with her ugly, whiny, loser friend of hers, you must grant permission, but only if you have ample time to warn your friend to prepare his excuse about joining the priesthood.
107. When picking players for sports teams it is permissible to skip over your buddy in favor of better athletes- as long as you don't let him be the last sorry son of a bitch standing on the sideline.
108. Never join your girlfriend in ragging on a buddy of yours... unless she is withholding sex, pending your response.
109. You can not rat out a friend who show's up to work or class with a massive hangover, however you may: hide the aspirin, smear his chair with limburger cheese, turn the brightness on his computer way down so he thinks its broken, or have him paged every seven minutes.
110. The morning after you and a babe, who was formerly "just a friend", go at it, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to jump on her again before there is a discussion about what a big mistake it was.
111. If offered a Billion dollars to star in a filthy gay porno a man must accept or is he obviously gay.
112. If offered sex with multiple partners of the opposite sex who are both above a 5 on the 1-10 scale you must accept or be stripped of all man status you have obtained and you will still be in the negative of man hood. The only exception of this law is if you have STDs but only if you got them in this process in the first place.
-I am the boy who never finished high school, because I got called a fag everyday. I am the boy tied to a fence, beaten to a bloody pulp and left to die because two straight men wanted to "teach me a lesson". I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian. I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman. I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time. I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room. I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had, I wish they could adopt me. I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school, it was simply too much to bear. We are the couple who had the Realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men. I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me. I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised, The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman. I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male. I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men. I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that. I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me. I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind. I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love. I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male. I am the girl who loves her best friend but is afraid to let her know it. I am the person ashamed to tell my own friends I'm a lesbian, because they constantly make fun of them.
-HATE PEOPLE WHO ARE DIFFERENT? CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING:
It's the same story everyday: A girl in dark colors gets off the worst bus you can imagine, you know, the one with all the dumber-than-dirt country kids who are swearing every five words, listening to a punk rock/gothic rock/heavy metal/or any other dark music. She shuts off the cd player/MP3/ipod and walks into the school. You and your friends are standing inside because you're too wussy to stand outside in LATE MAY in you pretty new Capri pants and new Hollister t-shirt.
You point at her and whisper to your friends about how out-of-touch she is because she's dressed in a baggy hooded sweatshirt and frayed old jeans and she's maintaining a 3.785-4.0 GPA on a 4.0 scale while you're boardline failing. You loudly insult her and talk to her in an obnoxious voice. She just keeps her head down and shuffles right by.
You laugh loudly and say, "How could you have gotten that one wrong? Even a fifth grader knows that!" when she answers a question wrong in class. You and friends push her around in the hallways and trip her in the stairwells. You think she should start drooling over the boys at school and should wear the same clothes you do.
And yet, no matter what you do, she doesn't say anything.
Isn't it hilarious that she can be quiet all week, but still have to put up with more shit than the whore giving out free blowjobs on the bus? ISN'T IT FUNNY that you don't mind fucking a random guy every night, but you go around ripping on her just because she studies in the library every night? Isn't it just bloody fucking hilarious that she needs to sign a pass to the bathroom just to run into an empty classroom to cry at least once a week?
Are you laughing yet?
HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED WHAT HER LIFE IS LIKE?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU GO UP TO HER FACE AND TRASH HER GOOD NAME, CALLING HER A 'FREAKY GOTH WANNABE' OR A 'WEEPY-WASHY ATTENTION SEEKER', AND NOT ONCE STOP AT ALL TO CONSIDER WHY YOU NEVER SEE HER PARENTS AROUND, OR WHY SHE ALWAYS WEARS LONG SLEEVES, EVEN IN THE SUMMER?
HOW IN GOD'S GOOD NAME CAN YOU TREAT HER LIKE SHIT JUST BECAUSE SHE THE ONE PERSON YOU CAN NEVER BE: HERSELF UNTO HERSELF?
THERE'S A FINE LINE BETWEEN BEING AN IDIOT AND BEING BRAVE.
BEING BRAVE IS NOT GIVING RANDOM GUYS A BLOWJOB IN BROAD DAYLIGHT. IT IS NOT FUCKING SOME RANDOM GUY ON FRIDAY NIGHT JUST TO SAY YOU FUCKED HIM. BEING BRAVE ISN'T TALKING TO SOME GUY OR DUMPING YOUR CURRENT BOYFRIEND.
BEING BRAVE IS TURNING THE OTHER CHEEK WHEN PEOPLE SLAP YOU. IT'S FORGETTING THE INSULTS AND REMEBERING THE COMMENTS. TRUE BRAVERY IS GOING TO A SCHOOL WHERE YOU SHOULD FEEL SAFE AND INSTEAD, YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE MARCHING RIGHT INTO HELL. TRUE BRAVERY IS BEING TRUE TO THE ONE PERSON, THE ONLY PERSON, WHO MATTERS: YOU.
KEEP LAUGHING, YOU COCK-SUCKING BITCHES, CAUSE I'M GOING FAR AND YOU'RE HARDLY MOVING.
-Copy this into your profile, and be proud that you're not one of those people.
Isn't it funny that when you go to the shops with your friends you look down at the girl with black jeans and studs but smile at the girl wearing a a mini with a t-shirt that barely cover anything? Isn't it funny you can change your music taste to impress a guy but when it comes to a girl who likes her own music and her own style, you give her a mouthful? Isn't it funny that a guy can get away with being a gangsta but the emo gets a mouthful from everyone
Are you laughing?
Isn't it funny an emo can be quiet all through the week but gets more from everyone than the girl who sleeps around and sells her virginity? Isn't it funny that you don't mind your friends drinking, smoking but the minute someone mentions emo music you can give them a lecture on melodramatic teenage outcasts?
I'm not laughing,
Its so funny that you and your friends can make a girl's life hell and not know anything about the silent battle she might be fighting. Isn't it funny that you can call emos, punks, goths the retards but still manage to get through your day without an inch of guilt in your heart. HOW YOU CAN CALL A GIRL A POSER, HOW CAN YOU SAY "YOUR NOT EMO" OR "ATTENTION SEEKER" WITHOUT SPENDING A SECOND TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHY THERE ARE CUTS ON HER WRISTS AND WHY SHE SPENDS HER LUNCHTIMES CRYING INSTEAD OF LAUGHING WITH HER FRIENDS
Keep on laughing,
Isn't it funny you can say and do all this without any idea of what is going on in this persons life without knowing her situation with her friends or her family or her LIFE.
BRAVE ISN'T GOING UP ON STAGE AND STRIPPING, BRAVE IS NOT SAYING A SPEECH OR DUMPING YOUR BOYFRIEND. BRAVE IS GOING TO SCHOOL ON MUFTI DAY AND NOT FOR A SECOND CARE WHAT THE SHIT PEOPLE AROUND YOU ARE SAYING ABOUT YOUR CLOTHES, ITS LISTENING TO YOUR OWN MUSIC AND BEING PROUD OF IT, ITS GOING THROUGH EVERY DAY WITH THE THINGS PEOPLE SAY TO YOUR FACE AND BEHIND YOUR BACK AND YOU STILL KEEP QUIET, ITS KNOWING WHAT YOUR "FRIENDS" ARE SAYING ABOUT YOU AND STILL CALLING THEM YOUR FRIENDS.
BRAVE IS KNOWING THAT TOMORROW ISN'T A BRIGHT AND HAPPY FUTURE, ITS ANOTHER DAY OF DODGING RUMORS.
Keep on laughing.
-If you agree with this copy and paste this in your profile. If you don't, then let the world know who you really are
But most of all
Ladies always complain and gripe to their friends that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them. Well ladies, next time you're complaining, maybe look up to see who you're complaining to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?"
If you're a guy and you agree with this letter, copy and paste into your profile as 'I'm sorry'
If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.
If your friends are WEIRD (But not as weird as you) put this on your profile
Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list.AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929, The Astrology Nerd, brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/fairy to be, The Gypsy-Pirate Queen, deathxbyxdawnxgurl, weasleybabe24, ga nat nat, evil older sister, Frozenfan, EmeraldBear, Kyprioths Shadow, Ebony Rayne, Peppermints and Cotton-Candy, Commander225, Aquana12, puppy1843e, kittyore9, D3ATHS0N1C5, Devilsummoner66
98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile.
Naruto fanfics are over populated by yaoi, primarily NaruSasu. If you believe me put this on your profile.
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: Danyan, Avatarwolf, Shifter-youkai, Vert9411, pinkcherryblossom, 225CherryBlossoms016, SakuraUchiha14,Sakura-Cherry-Blossom-Chan,Sasusakufan2357, uchihasakura285, NarutoFanGurly, Fallen-Ryu, The Obsidian Blade, D3ATHS0N1C5, Devilsummoner666
FRIENDS: Never ask anything to eat or drink
BEST FRIENDS: Help themselves and is the reason you never have any food
FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. Mrs. and grandma and grandpa
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents MOM and DAD GRAMPS AND GRANDPA
FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying, "DAMN that was fun."
FRIENDS: Never seen you cry
BEST FRIENDS: Won't tell anyone else you cry...just laugh about it when you're not down anymore
FRIENDS: Ask you to write down you number
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial
FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff and gives it back a few days later
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."
FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography about your life
FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what everyone else is doing
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowd asses that left you
FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door
BEST FRIENDS: Would walk right in and say, "I'M HOME!"
FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell
FRIENDS: Are through high school/college (drinking buddies)
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life
FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away when they think you've had enough
BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say, "Dude drink the rest of that you know we don't waste."
FRIENDS: Will ignore this
BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this shit
7 reasons not to mess with kids
Reason 1 A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah.” The teacher asked, ” What if Jonah went to hell?” The little girl replied, “Then you ask him”.
Reason 2 A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.” The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.” Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, “They will in a minute.”
Reason 3 A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year old After explaining the commandment to “honor” thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?” Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, “Thou shall not kill.”
Reason 4 One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?” Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.” The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, “Momma, how come ALL of grandma’s hairs are white?”
Reason 5 The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. “Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, he’s a doctor.’ A small voice at the back of the room rang out,”And there’s the teacher, she’s dead. ”
Reason 6 A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, “Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face..” “Yes,” the class said. “Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?” A little fellow shouted, “Cause your feet ain’t empty.”
Reason 7 The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: “Take only ONE. God is watching.” Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, “Take all you want - God is watching the apples.
20 Things to do at Wal-Mart
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
9. Look right into the security camera; & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "go, pikachu, go!"
17. Challenge people to duels in the back aisles with wrapping paper tubes.
18. Have a conversation with yourself loud enough so that people in the other aisles can hear you.
19. Throw things over one aisle into another one.
20. Mark out price tags with a sharpie
Rules That Guys Wish Girls Knew
1.Sometimes we just don't want to talk. Don't take it personally.
2.We notice other women because we are men and we are alive. This does not mean we're planning to dump you and jump them.
3.Our favorite T-shirts are not "disgraceful." They show our loyalty to our college, our favorite sports team, our favorite beer, our favorite vacation or number 23.
4.Helpless is not cute.
5.Get to the point.
6.You can't complain that there are no good guys around while some of us are still in the friend zone.
7.If you ask us, "Do you think she's prettier then me?" we just might say, "Yes." Then what are you going to do?
8.Don't expect even a great relationship with us to solve all your problems. Just because we love you, doesn't mean your cellulite, your credit card debt or your bad mood will disappear.
9.We would not wear high heels to impress you.
10.Breathe occasionally so we can get a word in.
11.For us, driving is not just a means of going from point A to point B. It's an opportunity to control a couple of tons of steel. We drive, therefore, we are.
12.If you want us to notice something, help us out by saying something like, "I went to the beauty shop today."
13.If you have to have a cat, at least don't call him "Mister" anything.
14.Hide the self help books when we come over. They make us nervous.
15.We don't go shopping. When we need something, we buy it.
16.We believe our bodily functions are perfectly normal and, at times, quite amusing.
17We don't believe you when you say money isn't important to you.
18.It's not that we don't want to make you happy, it's just that sometimes, we don't know how.
19.Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down.
20.If it itches, it will be scratched.
21.If you ask a question you don't really want an answer to, expect an answer you didn't want to hear.
22.Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
23.When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
24.You have enough clothes.
24.You have too many shoes.
25.Crying is blackmail.
26.Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
27.Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!
28.No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar you know we check.
29.We're not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
30.Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair - out of 30 - would look good with your dress?
31.Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
32.Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
33.A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
34.Check your oil.
35.Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
36.It is neither in your best interest or ours to take any quiz together.
37.It doesn't matter which quiz.
38.Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after seven days.
39.If you won't dress like the Victoria Secret girls, don't expect us to act like the soap opera guys.
40.If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
41.You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
42.Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
43.If you wear a Wonderbra and a low-cut blouse, you lose the right to complain about having your boobs stared at.
44.Our relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
45.Men see a limited number of colors, like Windows default settings. Peach is a fruit, not a color.
47.If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing is wrong.
The above was taken from the profile of DarkIsRising