Iscratchandbite
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Joined 07-31-09, id: 2030414, Profile Updated: 08-09-12
Author has written 7 stories for Twilight.

Hello anyone who reads this.

Info I'm willing to share:

I'm female

I live in Australia (that's why if I ever say something wrong about American schooling system)

Step into her shoes series

I guess this is what I think Alexis looks a little like

http://s326.photobucket.com/albums/k435/123ememem/?action=viewt=Alexis2.jpg

I was bored, so I made a banner for the whole series

http://i326.photobucket.com/albums/k435/123ememem/Banner2.jpg

Okay, here's the banner just for Follow in her Footsteps

http://s326.photobucket.com/albums/k435/123ememem/?action=viewt=Untitled-1-1.jpg

Here's the banner for Looking through her eyes

http://s326.photobucket.com/albums/k435/123ememem/?action=viewt=SimpleBanner.jpg

The Banner for Riding Down her Road

http://s326.photobucket.com/albums/k435/123ememem/?action=viewt=Banner1.jpg


I am unbelievably skilled at cutting myself on strange things (not Emo, accidentally)

Here's what I've managed to cut myself of.

1. A cake tin

2. A loaf of bread (not the knife cutting it, the actual bread)

3. Opening a bottle.

4. Grass.

5. A Take-away container

6. A hairbrush

7. A handrail

8. A macadamia

9. A sultana (Yeah, I don't know how either)

10. A stool

11. Alfoil

12. Grating cheese.

13. Toffee

14. A Jar of Jam

15. A butter knife

16. Chicken bones

17. A Mullet (the fish, not the hairstyle)

18. A pencil case

19. Felt fabric

20. A TV Remote

21. A thong (as in the shoe, flip flops or whatever you Americans call it)

22. A keyboard

23. Coffee bean

24. Spray can

25. Popcorn

26. A cereal box

That's all I can remember so far. And yes, I don't know how I managed to cut myself on most of these. If anyone else has this talent for cutting themselves on weird thing please mail me and tell them.


I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal
pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a
rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't
mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer
be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl
mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling
was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

If you could read that, paste this to your profile


In Honor of Stupid People

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed to stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(Shoot, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap,"
(and that would be how??...)

On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought??...)

On packaging for a Rowena iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time)?

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because??...)

On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what)?

On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious)

On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, ooh...fly Delta?)

On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my ..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity.


DADDY”S RULES FOR DATING

Your dad’s rules for your boyfriend (or for if you’re a guy)

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you don’t peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about the issue, so I propose this compromise: you may come to the door with you underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the courses of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four: I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a ‘Barrier Method’ of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and only word I need you to say on this subject is ‘early'.

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The Following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter. Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough too induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, mid-driff t shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater and a goose-parka, zipped up to her throat. Movies with strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided: movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folk’s homes are better.

Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shot gun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of our car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a nice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as a wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car- there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face in the window is mine.

HUMAN GUYS VS. EDWARD CULLEN

A human guy can only push you out of the way of a speeding car.
EDWARD can push the speeding car out of your way.
A human guy can only get you roses or chocolates.
EDWARD can buy you a half a million dollar Ferrari without you even asking for it.
A human guy can't protect you from a blood-thirsty vampire.
EDWARD can rip that vampire into pieces with his bare hands and teeth and burn the remains.
A human guy can only make you blush.
EDWARD can make your heart accelerate, make you start hyperventilating and eventually pass out.
A human guy would cry if he lost his girl.
EDWARD would KILL HIMSELF if he lost his only love. (and Edward sparkles)

That just made me laugh at it's lameness. Hm, maybe I should take it down.


Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys don't want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree.

Something to boost everyone's confidence


Scissors, Paper, Rock

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, "oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you!"


25 Things My mother taught me!

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don 't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"


Man and Women

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing

Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"
Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"

Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Perhaps. I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."

Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

Man: "So, wanna go back to my place ?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."

Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."


Friends and Best Friends

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.
BEST FRIENDS Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.
BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"

FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.
BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.

FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.

BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"

FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.
BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.

FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.
BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.

FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.
BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run bitch, run!"

FRIENDS: Will help you move.
BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.

FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS:Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS:Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN!" we messed up!

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Will ask why you're crying. BEST FRIENDS: Already have a shovel out, ready to bury that loser that made you cry.


The Coloured Man

A black man walked into a bar and sat down. Then a white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away.

Don't worry, I'm not a racist, just found this funny


REARRANGE THE LETTERS

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:

When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION - RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE


STUFF TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR!

1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"

2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.

3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.

4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

5) MEOW occasionally.

6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly

7) SAY -DING at each floor.

8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.

9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."

11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"

12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."

14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.

17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"

18) DROP a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"

19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.

21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.

22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.

23) THROW a ball up in the air as you start going down and when it hits the floor say: "Isn't it supposed to float?"

24) YELL "Wooooo!!" while raising your arms like your on a roller coaster.

25) STAND in front of the buttons and when someone asks you to move say "I can't, I'm stuck"

26) CHEW on a dog toy and act like nothing's wrong.

COPY AND PASTE INTO YOUR PROFILE! BOLD THE ONES THAT APPLY TO YOU

I'm into THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual

I'm a VIRGIN, so I MUST be a prude

I'm BI, so I MUST think every girl I see is hot

I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly or crazy

I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth

I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive

I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash

I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch

I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control

I'm WICCAN, so I MUST be a devil-worshipping baby killer

I SUCK MY OWN BLOOD FROM WOUNDS, so I MUST have a vampire fetish

I'm a good actor/actress, so I MUST be a liar

I'm a BLACK BELT, so I MUST always want to kick someone's ass

I'm a FEMALE BLACK BELT, so I MUST be a lesbian

I LIKE TO BE MYSELF, so I MUST be cocky and arrogant

I'm a BOHEMIAN, so I MUST be a lazy drug addict

I LOVE ANIMALS, so I MUST be a vegetarian

I'm a TREEHUGGER, so I MUST be a drug addicted hippie

I'm INTO JIMI HENDRIX, so I MUST be on drugs

I'm a MUSICIAN, so I MUST not be doing anything with my life

I have GOOD GRADES, so I MUST be a nerd or suck-up

I have GREEN SKIN, so I MUST be a wicked witch

I'm DIFFERENT, so I MUST just want attention

I'm an ACTOR/ACTRESS, so I MUST be mean

I'm THIN, so I MUST have an eating disorder

I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a stupid ditz

I HAVE A LOT OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be dating them all

I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS

I'm ASIAN, so I MUST love math

I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly

I'm BLACK, so I MUST be on welfare

I'm PUNK, so I MUST slit my wrists

I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob

I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.

I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist

I'm IRISH, so I MUST be an alcoholic

I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore with a jock boyfriend

I'm a JEW, so I MUST be greedy

I LOVE RENT, so I MUST be an emo lesbian with AIDS

I'm a CHRISTIAN, so I MUST hear crazy God voices in my head

I'm AMERICAN, so I MUST be an overweight pig with no boundaries

I'm a GIRL, so I MUST suck at all guy sports

I like CATS, so I MUST dance like a cat in my spare time

I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser

I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.

I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.

I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.

I'm learning to speak GERMAN, so I MUST be a wannabe psycho Nazi

I WEAR GLASSES and RETAINERS, so I MUST be a nerd

I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist

I'm HALF ASIAN HALF BRITISH, so I MUST be short

I DON"T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems

I'm IN BAND, so I MUST be a geek

I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST be rebellious

I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser

I DON'T HAVE A RELIGION, so I MUST not have morals

I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.

I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.

I'm a DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible

I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay

I HAVE a BIG FAMILY siblings, so WE MUST be financially challenged

I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.

I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.

I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.

I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.

I'm a DANCER, so I MUST be stupid, stuck up, and a whore

I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED

I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals

I'm AUSTRALIAN, soI MUST say G'day and Fairdinkum every second sentence.

I'm ALWAYS SMILING AND LAUGHING, so I MUST have a great life

I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS, so I MUST be looking for attention

I HANG OUT WITH GAYS, so I MUST be gay too

I COPIED AND PASTED THIS INTO MY PROFILE, so I MUST be a plagiarist

I FROWN a lot, so I MUST have a bad life

I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life

I get BAD GRADES, so I MUST be a slacker who doesn't try

I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.

I'm a JEW, so I MUST hate all Germans

I like to listen to HANNAH MONTANA, so I MUST be childish and immature

I am POLITE to TEACHERS, so I MUST be a teacher's pet

I don't have a SOCIAL LABEL, so I must just be Emo.

I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be Emo.

I FOUND THIS LIST AND COPIED IT INTO MY PROFILE IN AN ATTEMPT TO HELP STOP SOCIAL LABELS, SO I MUST HAVE NO LIFE.

Random Quotes:

Best friends are the people that know all about and still put up with you!

Friends are gods way of apologizing for family.

Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.

Life was so simple when boys had cooties.

All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies.

Let me know if anything I say offends you, I might wanna offend you later.

When I am at Hogwarts I will not: Sing "I'm Off to See the Wizard" when sent to the Headmasters office.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

I don't obsess! I think intensely.

I put the FUN in DisFUNctional :)

It's all fun and games until someone get hurt...then its hilarious.

I dream of a better tomorrow--when chickens can cross the road and not have their motives questioned.

I dont have a short attention span, i just...oh look, a kitty!

Never go to bed angry, stay up and plot your revenge.

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
'Hold my purse.'

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Whose cruel idea was it for the words 'lisp' to have an 's' and 'l' in it?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?

Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?

Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?

Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’?

Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?

Boys are like slinkeys. Completely useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder

Keep smiling- it makes everyone wonder what your up too

Children... you spend 2 years teaching them how to walk and talk, you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut up

I am NOT saying your stupid...I'm just implying it.

Best friends through thick and thin!
If you cry, I cry,
If you laugh, I laugh,
If you fight, I got your back,
If you trip, I'll catch you when you fall,
If you jump off a bridge... Oh heck ,wait for me!

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird.

I was going to take over the world but got distracted by something sparkly

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.

My knight in shining amour turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

I'm not littering...I'm donating to the Earth

girl only need 3 things: love to make her weak, alcohol to make her strong, and friends to help her up when the first 2 make her hit the ground.

We're not sarcastic-we're hilarious

We're not annoying-we're just cooler than you

We're not bitches-we just don't like you

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them.

Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.

I smile because I have no idea what's going on!

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it's gone.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.

My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems...

You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get me!

I live in my own little world, but it's ok, everyone knows me here

I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, screw the fruit

Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic...

When French people swear do they say pardon my English?

Has anyone else ever wondered how Alcoholics Anonymous stays Anonymous?

364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that?

Why do people say, "You can't have your cake and eat it too"? Why would someone get cake if they can't eat it?

Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Trying is the first step toward failure.

I agree with the dictionary. girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

You laugh because I'm different, I laugh because you're all the same.

The closer you get to the light, the bigger your shadow becomes.

Don't take life too seriously, it's not like you're getting out alive.

someone should seriosly sue walt disney for making every girl believe she has a prince charming

If at first you dont suceed ask him if he has a brother

the dinosaur extinction wasn't an accident - barney came and they all commited suicide

The difference between humour and tradgety is that humor is when it happens to someone else

Always forgive your enimies, nothing annoys them more

Remember, God made men first because you always need a rough draft before you make perfection

its not cheating untill you get caught

i love you is spelt with eight letters, but so is bullshit

do you believe in love at first sight or should i walk past again

I'm the froot loop in a world of cherrios.

You want to know who your real friends are? Screw up and see who's still there

Don't tell me the sky's the limit, when there's footprints on the moon

Silence is golden, duck-tape is sliver

"MENstrual pain, MENstrual cramps, MENtal anxiety, MENopause... all of our problems start with MEN!"

"When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to find out they are not it."

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

The things that come to those who wait, will be the things left by those who got there first.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll, Speed, weed and Birth Control, Lifes a bitch until we die, so Fuck the world, lets get high.

When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too, but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

KINDERGARTEN: Where the definition of drama was stealing someone's crayons.

There's a time for compromise, its called later

Life, its nothing like the brochure


1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E.Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are known to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work. (Mean, yet I figure at least some of you laughed. Tsk, tsk.)

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up


Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

Education is important. Although school is another matter entirely.

Amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

Music is love in search of words.

Always forgive your enemies, it's the best way to annoy them out of their minds.

I used to be normal, until I met those freaks I now call my best friends.

I ran with scissors and lived!

I don't obsess. I just think intensely.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.

When life gives you lemons, throw them back and demand Edward. =VampireCat3, actually. It just fits better here.=

The knack of flying is attempting to fall . . . and missing the ground.

Somebody needs a happy meal.

I find the phrase "Good Morning" an oxymoron.

Having the love of your life say "we can still be friends," is like your dog dying, and your mom saying you can keep it.

Your just jealous that the little voices are talking to me.

I knew something was wrong when my imaginary friends would talk to me.

My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Shadows of Revenge by DisneyRBD reviews
It has been 4 years since Bella escaped from the dangerous people that took her away from her parents. But when she comes back to live in Forks, Edward and the Cullens will realize that Bella is no ordinary human teenager–she's a deadly assassin.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Adventure - Chapters: 62 - Words: 257,567 - Reviews: 1473 - Favs: 821 - Follows: 900 - Updated: 2/16 - Published: 8/17/2011 - Bella, Edward, OC
Theories of Bellativity by kikki7 reviews
Bella Swan is a physician assistant student trying to survive a grueling clinical year. Add Dr. Edward Cullen, a cocky, irresistible ob/gyn resident. Throw in some chocolate, sprinkle with a few of Bella's quirky theories about life, and see what happens.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 31 - Words: 120,217 - Reviews: 4839 - Favs: 4,787 - Follows: 6,101 - Updated: 2/15 - Published: 4/23/2011 - Bella, Edward
SOS by KawaiiGaara reviews
A field trip gone awry. Will the survivors survive on what seems to be a deserted island? Or will they succomb to what Mother Nature throws their way?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 50 - Words: 134,726 - Reviews: 360 - Favs: 107 - Follows: 136 - Updated: 4/5/2014 - Published: 10/29/2011 - Bella, Jacob
Evening Falls by Ava Sinclair reviews
Elisa was once an everyday Twilight fangirl, but now, inexplicably, she's become a part of Edward and Bella's world. Her struggle to fit into her new life, however, may become a fight to survive that neither she nor Bella may win...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 26 - Words: 283,257 - Reviews: 622 - Favs: 226 - Follows: 256 - Updated: 3/20/2014 - Published: 5/9/2008
To Atone by Emily Bones reviews
Jessica Stanley saw something on a cold Edinburgh winter day that set off a chain of events that affected more lives than she could possibly imagine. Edward Cullen and Isabella Swan only wanted time. Unfortunately, time was the one thing they did not have. UP FOR ADOPTION
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Tragedy - Chapters: 21 - Words: 13,086 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 27 - Updated: 3/5/2014 - Published: 2/17/2012 - Bella, Edward
What you don't know by Nikkolet reviews
Bella Swan and Edward Cullen two medical students that meet and share one night they will always remember. After losing touch, fate brings them back together. Will life turn out the way they plan. -Please give it a chance, typical story but different.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 22 - Words: 96,612 - Reviews: 246 - Favs: 203 - Follows: 326 - Updated: 4/15/2013 - Published: 10/6/2011 - Edward, Bella
The Justice Reaper by A. E. Giggle reviews
SEQUEL TO TSK & TWS: After his time at Hogwarts, Edward knows that Bella and he are destined to be parents. Unfortunately, their time on Isle Esme sets other, more ominous events in motion too.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 5 - Words: 92,409 - Reviews: 565 - Favs: 451 - Follows: 517 - Updated: 3/22/2013 - Published: 9/25/2011
The Other Cullen by HighFiveMe reviews
One little circumstance makes Jacob Black an orphan. Another makes Rosalie Cullen his mother. Then the Cullens move back to Forks like they always did. Same setting, same Bella, different Jacob. How will this change the conquest for her heart?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family/Romance - Chapters: 61 - Words: 131,343 - Reviews: 290 - Favs: 98 - Follows: 104 - Updated: 3/2/2013 - Published: 11/5/2011 - Jacob, Rosalie
Inside Man by ooza reviews
With his parole fast approaching, inmate Edward Masen is looking for a friend. College student Bella Swan stumbles across his profile on a prison pen-pal website. Their friendship is formed over written words, but will it last once he rejoins her world?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Friendship/Romance - Chapters: 53 - Words: 89,972 - Reviews: 12544 - Favs: 6,125 - Follows: 5,973 - Updated: 2/23/2013 - Published: 6/1/2011 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Through Blind Men's Eyes by eternal rose 45 reviews
Bella commits suicide after Edward leaves her. Stricken with grief, Edward cannot move on- not until he meets HIS Bella 100years later. And so the story begins: how can two lovers torn apart by death be reunited again in life? What are the costs?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 24 - Words: 83,633 - Reviews: 186 - Favs: 74 - Follows: 68 - Updated: 1/19/2013 - Published: 9/9/2009 - Edward
The Hunter's Oath by AmericasAngel reviews
Bella was taken as a baby and transformed into a Supernatural killer. Now, Her along with Four others go to Forks, Washington with a job to kill the Cullen Family, a coven of a vampires. But distractions are surely to get in the way.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 20 - Words: 75,405 - Reviews: 56 - Favs: 55 - Follows: 44 - Updated: 12/25/2012 - Published: 6/22/2011 - Bella, Edward
You Have Got to be Kidding Me! by aybdubs reviews
Jamie wakes up on an airplane flying into Washington with no memory of how she got there. As she scrambles to discover what is happening to her, she soon finds out that things are not what they seem. Looking for a Beta!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 8 - Words: 25,910 - Reviews: 73 - Favs: 35 - Follows: 38 - Updated: 10/28/2012 - Published: 10/26/2011 - Edward
Fix You by Whisper Sweet Nothings reviews
What if Jacob hadn't stopped at just a kiss in Eclipse? How will Bella deal with being raped, especially now that she thinks she's unfixable? How will she handle telling Edward about the rape, or will she try to keep it from him? Rated M to be safe.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 25 - Words: 110,368 - Reviews: 2002 - Favs: 1,128 - Follows: 1,169 - Updated: 10/27/2012 - Published: 6/10/2009 - Bella, Edward
Fatty by kitkat681 reviews
Edward Cullen can't find something that's very important to him...his wang. But that's what happens when you are 363 pounds. Bella Swan is his only chance to live a real life and find what's missing and so much more. No angst, a tiny bit of drama. Rated M
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 33 - Words: 53,040 - Reviews: 4709 - Favs: 1,870 - Follows: 1,899 - Updated: 9/9/2012 - Published: 1/1/2012 - Bella, Edward - Complete
A Bittersweet Memory by WJEvans reviews
The task: You are to travel to Romania, convince them of your loyalty, spy for us and then destroy them. You should have no problem with that, Isabella.We've seen what you are capableof The target: Dracula's Order of the Dragon The obstacle: Edward Cullen
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 22 - Words: 24,227 - Reviews: 177 - Favs: 78 - Follows: 115 - Updated: 8/20/2012 - Published: 5/29/2007
My Not So Secret Admirer by reader962 reviews
Bella is just a plain high schoolgirl. She has a nice group of friends, she is a straight A grade student and she is loved by people. But no one ever dares to ask her out. Why? Because of her not-so-secret admirer - Edward Cullen! Rated 13 for swearing
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 18 - Words: 19,684 - Reviews: 307 - Favs: 164 - Follows: 188 - Updated: 7/21/2012 - Published: 10/15/2011 - Edward, Bella
This Is Gonna Be Good by lifelessvampire reviews
Charlotte 'Charlie' Swan is transported into the book - Twilight - as Bella Swan. She swears, doesn't tollerate anything, and is a little bit crazy. This Is Gonna Be Good - Give it a shot, if you don't like it, don't read it. R&R
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 25 - Words: 43,536 - Reviews: 180 - Favs: 90 - Follows: 63 - Updated: 7/3/2012 - Published: 3/17/2012 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Satan's Embrace by SnarkySnarky reviews
I was never one for tragic love stories; but when you're in love with the Devil, things can only end so well.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 3,554 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 28 - Updated: 6/17/2012 - Published: 12/19/2010 - Edward, Bella
Forever Playing With the Dark by iaminlovewithcoffee reviews
Bella was 11 when she was put in an asylum for schizophrenia. Then the Masens show up 7 years later and everything changes. Unable to tell who wants to save her and who wants her dead, the only way to stay alive is to escape. Full summary inside. Revised.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 6,080 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 39 - Follows: 31 - Updated: 6/8/2012 - Published: 10/27/2009 - Bella, Edward
It's What Makes Us Human by Soapy Water xx reviews
"So your life's messed up!" Leah screamed at me. "God knows, your girlfriend ditched you for a mutt, poor you! God knows she accepted your proposal and then dumped you - wouldn't it be much worse if it was the other way around? You're so selfish, Edward!" Sequel now up!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 51 - Words: 114,609 - Reviews: 626 - Favs: 152 - Follows: 96 - Updated: 4/10/2012 - Published: 8/2/2011 - Edward, Leah - Complete
No country for us by letitbeme.x reviews
A group of teenagers a forced together with the expectation that they will bond into couples. 'The Government' rule their lives, will they be able to break free and love each other in their own way?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 5,269 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 36 - Updated: 4/3/2012 - Published: 3/31/2012 - Bella, Edward
The Hunger Games: Twilight Style by ClosetReader reviews
Twelve boys and twelve girls are chosen, sent to a foreign place, they must fight to the death, only one can comes out alive and be named Victor! But at what cost? Twilight characters in The Hunger Games world 'May the odds be ever in their favor' AU,OOC. Please read and review.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Suspense - Chapters: 21 - Words: 72,865 - Reviews: 233 - Favs: 146 - Follows: 72 - Updated: 3/27/2012 - Published: 1/10/2011 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Morphing Games by Taneva Rose reviews
Twenty-four names drawn at random, by the end all but one will be dead. The final survivor receives the ultimate prize: immortality. My name is Bella Swan, and I'm a Prospective in the 100th Morphing Games. There's only one problem: I don't want to win.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Tragedy/Adventure - Chapters: 15 - Words: 65,677 - Reviews: 516 - Favs: 307 - Follows: 439 - Updated: 3/20/2012 - Published: 9/20/2011 - Edward, Bella
First Beach Fiasco by LadyofSpain reviews
Jake takes Bells cliff diving. She wears a bikini, sending him into orbit. She loses her top and he has to take her to his home. He complains to Charlie, who lectures Bella. She goes ballistic, and poor Jake gets fried-at first. Nommed best Jake at Eclipse and Torch Awards 2012.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 20 - Words: 43,988 - Reviews: 265 - Favs: 122 - Follows: 109 - Updated: 12/16/2011 - Published: 8/28/2011 - Bella, Edward, Jacob - Complete
Power of the imagination by Matilda-333 reviews
being a seven year old orphan is hard enough, for lissa all she wants is to escape. falling into the twilight books she seeks her chance at a new life. little dose she know that the story line has changed. things arn't as safe anymore. plz read & reveiw
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 56 - Words: 111,701 - Reviews: 108 - Favs: 57 - Follows: 42 - Updated: 11/20/2011 - Published: 1/24/2010
Connected by Derin.O reviews
5 teenagers find themselves in their dream world, struggling to keep up with what fate is throwing at them. And what's going on with Edward and Emmett? Don't they already have lovers?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4,024 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 2 - Updated: 10/31/2011 - Published: 9/11/2011
The Bet by StAR GirL EmmZzzZZ reviews
Edward makes a bet to see if he can get the one girl who hates him -Bella- to sleep with him. He didn't expect to fall in love on the way. What happens when Bella finds out at prom that she was just a bet...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 10 - Words: 17,420 - Reviews: 81 - Favs: 89 - Follows: 96 - Updated: 10/30/2011 - Published: 10/10/2009 - Bella, Edward
The Wisdom Seeker by A. E. Giggle reviews
SEQUEL TO THE SECRET KEEPER: Following Bella's magical revelation and their contribution at the Battle of Hogwarts, the Cullens set out on an educational journey a million miles away from the Highschool purgatory they've grown accustomed to. OOC/AU.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Supernatural - Chapters: 30 - Words: 359,007 - Reviews: 1412 - Favs: 882 - Follows: 617 - Updated: 9/25/2011 - Published: 9/1/2009 - Complete
Ride by kris salvador reviews
Bella wanted to fulfill a fantasy - to be groped inside a crowded train. She gets her wish and more, when a sex-starved ex-convict decides she's fair game. ALLHUMAN. Mature but with plot.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 19 - Words: 67,524 - Reviews: 4436 - Favs: 6,996 - Follows: 4,092 - Updated: 8/6/2011 - Published: 8/19/2010 - Edward, Bella - Complete
In Need of Rescue by hitntr01 reviews
Bella is kept in a human farm for vampire food. She only knows this life and wishes to one day get away. She hears all these marvelous stories but can only dream behind walls. Will she get the life she dreamed when she is sold as a pet?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 21 - Words: 51,115 - Reviews: 346 - Favs: 208 - Follows: 237 - Updated: 7/28/2011 - Published: 6/22/2010 - Bella, Edward
Careful by Babypeach16 reviews
What if after that first awful day in Biology, Edward never came back? What if he wasn't there to sweep Bella off her feet, and Mike Newton got there first? Will Edward win her over, or is he too late?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 33 - Words: 54,133 - Reviews: 105 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 34 - Updated: 8/27/2010 - Published: 1/15/2010 - Complete
It's STILL NOT BELLA! by edWaRd'sGiRL0630 reviews
A Twilight Fangirl's continued adventures now that time has moved her into New Moon..Checklist: Avoid birthday parties, Jasper, and, most importantly, Jacob Black. With a friend who's still adjusting to vampire powers, what will Sarah do if Edward leaves?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 25 - Words: 143,609 - Reviews: 493 - Favs: 138 - Follows: 95 - Updated: 7/6/2010 - Published: 9/26/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
What If He Never Came Back? by Babybee61 reviews
Bella done cliff diving. Alice came to see her, but Edward never found out, what would happen if Edward never came back? See what happens when Edward comes back into her life 2 years after her 18th birthday, whether she likes it or not. AU.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Romance - Chapters: 18 - Words: 47,829 - Reviews: 348 - Favs: 164 - Follows: 176 - Updated: 6/27/2010 - Published: 5/18/2009 - Bella, Alice
White Wolf by My Dark Magic reviews
COMPLETE: I don't know how it happened, and I don't know why. One second I was Bella and now I'm something horrible...something terrible...something white.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 30 - Words: 41,643 - Reviews: 554 - Favs: 382 - Follows: 194 - Updated: 6/25/2010 - Published: 8/24/2009 - Bella, Jacob - Complete
I Will See You Again by emmettlover24 reviews
Bella gets kidnapped by the Volturi the night before hers and Edwards wedding. The Volturi changes Bella. They won't let her call or see the Cullens. 107 years later she goes to Forks on a mission and runs into them. Will they recongnize her?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 34 - Words: 65,617 - Reviews: 784 - Favs: 567 - Follows: 279 - Updated: 2/25/2010 - Published: 4/28/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Talent Search by Stephen King Reincarnated reviews
Darkward. Bella and Alice are captured by a group of vampires searching for talented humans to turn. '“I’m not in a good mood, so I suggest you keep your mouth shut, or I’ll carry you back inside one piece at a time,” Edward threatened.'
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Angst/Friendship - Chapters: 2 - Words: 24,990 - Reviews: 539 - Favs: 588 - Follows: 544 - Updated: 2/20/2010 - Published: 10/25/2009 - Bella, Edward
Man and Beast by catharticone reviews
Something is lurking in the woods, hungry and drawn to a scent it cannot resist. Its encounter with Bella and Edward will begin a chain of events that place both humans and vampires in significant peril.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Suspense/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 24 - Words: 47,221 - Reviews: 160 - Favs: 99 - Follows: 27 - Updated: 2/20/2010 - Published: 1/25/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
GHOST by theD'Urberville reviews
Loosely based on The Ghost and Mrs. Muir. Bella's a widow, buys a new house which happens to be haunted by none other than Edward Masen. Will Bella stay and find out what he's all about, or will she run away screaming? Is love possible beyond the grave?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Romance - Chapters: 22 - Words: 56,135 - Reviews: 286 - Favs: 279 - Follows: 119 - Updated: 1/6/2010 - Published: 3/19/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Bulletproof by Outlinedinblack reviews
Bella is bullied by Edward Cullen. One day, where there is an accident Bella goes to la Push. Here she finds a huge cliff and decided she doesn’t want to live. She jumps, but does she survive, and who shouted ‘DON’T JUMP!’ even though it was too late R R
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 27 - Words: 55,709 - Reviews: 596 - Favs: 344 - Follows: 192 - Updated: 12/29/2009 - Published: 9/28/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Second Chance by ScFlEaD reviews
."I knew that if Bella had not been so giving, so selfless, then I would still have her here with me.....but I wouldn’t be holding my daughter." What if Bella didn't make it? After giving birth to her daughter, Bella died...or did she?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Tragedy/Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 12,989 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 35 - Follows: 33 - Updated: 11/30/2009 - Published: 5/5/2009 - Edward, Bella
Might Be More Than you can See by Salimity reviews
Post-Breaking Dawn. What happens, a couple decades later, when the Cullens decide to throw up the facade and visit a high school like they did in Forks? Keep in mind, Bella has trouble follow her wherever she wanders. . .
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Fantasy - Chapters: 11 - Words: 59,803 - Reviews: 44 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 10/14/2009 - Published: 8/8/2008 - Bella
Things Left Unspoken by x.x.purpleflower.x.x reviews
As kids, Edward used to humiliate Bella everyday. She was a complete loser. He hated her. Now, Bella is the glamorous editor of Vogue, and Edward's boss. Will they recognize each other? Is there chance they will fall in love? Better than it sounds! AH.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 27,511 - Reviews: 116 - Favs: 79 - Follows: 84 - Updated: 10/4/2009 - Published: 5/16/2009 - Edward, Bella
Have You Moved On? by iluvpynk reviews
In New Moon, Edward decides to come back, but he's too late: Laurent already bit Bella, and Edward thinks Bella is dead. Now 90 years later, Bella is back in Forks, and so are the Cullens, but there's a new member: Jennifer, Edward's new girlfriend.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Drama - Chapters: 16 - Words: 21,066 - Reviews: 724 - Favs: 276 - Follows: 264 - Updated: 9/24/2009 - Published: 7/16/2009 - Bella, Edward
It's NOT BELLA! by edWaRd'sGiRL0630 reviews
What would you do if one day you woke up and were suddenly Bella Swan? That's exactly what happens to Sarah, a huge Twilight fangirl...what will she do when she meets the supposed love of her life? Would you tell him he's a fictional character?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 24 - Words: 112,437 - Reviews: 297 - Favs: 250 - Follows: 83 - Updated: 9/21/2009 - Published: 6/21/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
The Secret Keeper by A. E. Giggle reviews
When Bella is alerted to dangerous events unfolding at her old school, Hogwarts, she has no choice but to inform the Cullens of her true, magical identity. To put it simply ... she's a Witch. AU, OOC.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Adventure - Chapters: 12 - Words: 51,058 - Reviews: 417 - Favs: 1,006 - Follows: 260 - Updated: 9/1/2009 - Published: 7/24/2009 - Complete
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Riding Down her Road reviews
The last installment of the Step into her shoes series. Alexis is going through Breaking Dawn - will she have a normal wedding and afterlife or will she inherit the bad luck of book-Bella?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Fantasy/Adventure - Chapters: 33 - Words: 119,006 - Reviews: 166 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 4/8/2014 - Published: 7/21/2012 - Edward, Jacob
Looking through her eyes reviews
Alexis has Edward back, and her and Jacob are still good friends, so everything is great ... right? What will Alexis do when Victoria comes to play. Step into her shoes version of Eclipse.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 33 - Words: 128,993 - Reviews: 221 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 7/16/2012 - Published: 1/5/2012 - Edward, Jacob - Complete
Follow in her Footsteps reviews
Alexis a.k.a. new Bella is going through New Moon. Will she stop Edward from leaving? What will she do to get him back?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 58 - Words: 139,378 - Reviews: 1013 - Favs: 71 - Follows: 51 - Updated: 12/19/2011 - Published: 7/12/2011 - Complete
Step into her shoes reviews
Alexis grew up without love, when special circumstances take her into the world of Twilight how will she react. Being Bella isn't easy, every decision can make a big difference, or have a big consequence.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 25 - Words: 97,547 - Reviews: 192 - Favs: 98 - Follows: 51 - Updated: 7/10/2011 - Published: 7/11/2010 - Edward - Complete
Haunting a Vampire reviews
Edward couldn't control his thirst, my story of what would happen if Edward killed Bella, yes, it is an Edward and Bella fic. Now complete, starts off slow but gets better.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Supernatural - Chapters: 56 - Words: 64,788 - Reviews: 264 - Favs: 122 - Follows: 60 - Updated: 6/30/2011 - Published: 2/25/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
High Tides reviews
Story is set 4 years after breaking dawn. The cullens are moving to a new town. What will happen when they meet another mythical creature. Read to find out.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Supernatural - Chapters: 25 - Words: 49,600 - Reviews: 46 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 10/3/2010 - Published: 8/2/2009
Rose's Revenge reviews
One-shot story of how Rosalie gets her revenge by killing Royce. Rated M for murder and I'm paranoid T is not enough.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Crime - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,252 - Reviews: 5 - Updated: 9/14/2009 - Published: 9/8/2009 - Rosalie