Author has written 26 stories for Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Darren Shan Saga/Cirque Du Freak, Mummy, Green Lantern, Young Justice, DC Superheroes, Harry Potter, Merlin, Game of Thrones, Teen Titans, Transformers/Beast Wars, Kane Chronicles, and Yu-Gi-Oh.
My current or upcoming stories:
Alexander Chronicles: My twist on the Rick Riordan mythology, with a son of Jupiter as Percy's best friend, and one with his own destiny. There are currently four complete parts and one in progress, and it's best if you read all the parts in order to understand it. I'll update as soon as I can, but the Muses are not exactly being kind right now. Parts I-IV are currently undergoing a rewrite to reflect new canon facts and will be published as a new story.
Altered Fates: A Harry Potter slash series that is about a Half-Blood raised as a Muggle by his birth parents-a Muggle born wizard and a pure-blood witch and his eventual romance with a Housemate as well as how he affects Harry's life during the Second Blood War. This story is completely written up to Third Year, but is delayed due to my sharing of a Beta. Now cancelled
Locust Years: A rewrite of the original Altered Fates without my OC, where Draco shows up for the Midnight Duel with an offer to tutor Harry so they can have a proper duel. That, combined with other, seemingly minor changes, alters the fates of everyone involved in the Second Blood War. As yet unpublished.
Hallows War: An upcoming answer to a forgotten challenge: After the defeat of Voldemort, Harry and a small group of friends end up in an alternate reality. One where the Dark Lord still wreaks havoc on Wizarding Europe. However, there's something slightly off about this world. There are TWO Dark Lords ruling Europe, and the Hogwarts Headmaster is . . . Tom Riddle? As yet unpublished.
Memoria: A birthday fic for Superboy/Kon-El. New 52-verse. Barry Allen is not the only one who remembers what the world was like before the Flashpoint, Superboy does as well. However those memories are currently blocked, and only somewhat accessible during his VR simulations. But when Harvest sends him out to capture Red Robin, the memories are unleashed, and Connor Kent returns, stronger and more powerful than ever before. On hiatus as I focus on other stories and wait for inspiration.
Once More Into the Breach: My upcoming answer to reptilia28's Death Challenge, sort of. Harry dies for the 65th time and decides to relive his life, starting at Diagon Alley, but he discovers that his choices aren't the only things that have changed his future. A second slash story, no Harmony for this answer, sorry!
Out of Desperation: Another upcoming Challenge answer, this one to Lil Devyl's Half-Blood Prince Alternate challenge. Instead of going to Severus, Narcissa goes to the one person she knows she can trust with Draco's life: Draco's archrival, Harry Potter.
Tabula Rasa: An answer to DZ2's Forget-Me-Not Challenge. Harry is in the middle of a Potions class when he swallows a potion that awakens him to the manipulations of He-Who-Has-Too-Many-Names, and reveals who his true friends really are. But many challenges await him, as the Tri-Wizard Tournament has returned, as well as an ancient evil seeking to conquer all of Britain. Will end after the Tournament. On hiatus for now.
Thanks to the Basilisk: My answer to ProudMudblood's Second Year challenge. A few small changes leads to a completely different life for Harry, starting with who his friends are, and going all the way through the end of the war. Despite what some of you think, this is a Harmony story!
The Kiss: An upcoming story that asks what kind of repercussions could there be if a Dementor had Kissed Harry in Third Year. It will start on the train when the Dementor first comes aboard, and, well, we'll see where it goes from there.
By Skill Not Force My first major crossover, between Harry Potter and A Song of Ice and Fire/Game of Thrones. Slytherin!Harry and three friends leave Britain after the defeat of Voldemort and Umbridge is named Minister of Magic (gah!) Umbridge's first act: declaring Harry a Dark Wizard. To escape, Harry and company modify the Vanishing Cabinet and arrive in Westeros soon after Robert Baratheon is named king. Their arrival changes the War of the Five Kings and the face of Westeros forever. On hiatus until I write to the opening of Game of Thrones.
Bleeding Multiverse: My Young Justice story, where an emotionally abused Marvel OC arrives on Earth-16 and joins Young Justice. I hope for some reader input in this story, as my OC accidently creates a bridge between the multiverses. On hiatus, and will be updated after I finish writing the Red storyline.
Dragon Training: A planned How to Train Your Dragon fic where Hiccup becomes more than human because of his friendship with Toothless.
More Than Meets The Eye: A Transformers Prime fic focusing on Jack Darby, where there truly is more to him than meets the eye.
The Soldier: A planned Transformers fic that sees what could have happened if Sam had taken Will's words in Vegas/Mission City more seriously.
Amethyst Eyes: Another Game of Thrones story where Jon has his father's eyes, and when Robert notices, he is forced to flee Westeros for his life. Following Ned's advice, he joins up with Dany and Jorah, and becomes Jorah's squire.
The Game Stays the Same: Rhaegar has survived the Baratheon Rebellion, but eighteen years later, things look much the same. The Baratheon brothers plot against each other and against the crown, Cersei plots to claim the throne for her son Joffrey, and Jon Arryn has just been murdered, while Daenarys and Viserys hide in Essos out of fear of Robert Baratheon. But the few changes lead to a different outcome for all involved.
The Point of No Return: An upcoming High School Musical slash fic. While playing in Twinkle Town, Troy's grades in one of his classes starts dropping, making his teacher suggest a tutor: Ryan Evans. Due to their activities after their tutoring sessions, Troy develops a true passion for acting, and after the events of HSM2, the new friends convince Darbus to do a production of The Phantom of the Opera for their Fall Musical.
Scales of Justice: A fusion of Yu-Gi-Oh! and Harry Potter, where a Muggleborn accidentally reveals the world of magic via Duel Monsters, and due to a gift by Bill Weasley, Harry joins in on Yugi's adventures from Duellist Kingdom to Memory World.
Light and Darkness: Coming September 2017-The sequel to Scales of Justice. After graduating early from Hogwarts, Albus Potter and Scorpius Malfoy join Duel Academy and quickly become friends with Jaden, thus getting dragged into all of his adventures. I will welcome OC's with their decks for both of these stories!
Alright, a little about me. I was born in March of 1988, I'm a guy, I have absolutely no romantic history whatsoever, with guys or girls. I'm a Christian who thinks he might be gay, and is completely terrified of the idea of my mom or little brother finding out-extreme homophobes. I'm a major fan of Star Trek, Star Wars, Percy Jackson and it's companion series, High School Musical, Green Lantern, Smallville, and I'm a (relatively) new fan to Harry Potter and Game of Thrones. I LOVE slash stories, but I can also appreciate straight stories, assuming it's the right pairing. When I review, it's usually because I have a question about the chapter.
Why do people go after Reading the Books stories on this site? They aren't against the rules, the rules are against MST stories. And, using the Wiki description of MST3000 as the basis, the banned stories are: "a running commentary on each film, making fun of its flaws and wisecracking (or "riffing") their way through each reel in the style of a movie-theater peanut gallery." Most Reading the Books stories are in fact the prequels to a planned story where the author sends one or more character into the past with the books in an attempt to change the past and make a better future, or they are reading the past/future in order to make the future better, so how are they MST stories? MST stories make fun of the story, they do not make serious comments, ever.
In order to facilitate my updates, I have created a playlist to listen to when I write, with half an hour dedicated to my different stories/fandoms. As always, I will update a story as soon as I finish a chapter. The playlist covers: Game of Thrones, Percy Jackson, By Skill Not Force, Yu-Gi-Oh!, Transformers, Harry Potter, and two stories I haven't published yet.
Game of Thrones Quotes by Episode
Winter is Coming
"The Man who passes the sentence should swing the sword."-Ned Stark
"Robert will choose a new Hand of the King, someone to do his job while he's off fucking boars and hunting whores. Or is it the other way around?"-Jaime Lannister
"Their days are too long and their lives are too short."-Jaime Lannister on the Hands of the King
"Let me give you some advice, bastard. Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armour, and it can never be used to hurt you."-Tyrion Lannister to Jon Snow
"I'll say, 'Listen, fat man. You are not taking my husband anywhere. He belongs to me now.'"-Catelyn Stark on King Robert Baratheon demanding Eddard Stark become Hand of the King
"A Dothraki wedding without at least three deaths is considered a dull affair."-Magister Illyrio
"But even if the boy lives, he'll be a cripple, a grotesque. Give me a good, clean death any day."
"Speaking for the grotesques, I'd have to disagree. Death is so final, whereas life , ah, life is full of possibilities." Jaime and Tyrion speaking of Bran Stark
"Why do you read so much?"
"Look at me and tell me what you see."
"Is this a trick?"
"What you see is a dwarf. If I'd been born a peasant they might have left me out in the woods to die. Alas, I was born a Lannister of Casterly Rock. Things are expected of me. My father was Hand of the King for twenty years."
"Until your brother killed that king."
"Yes, until my brother killed him. Life is full of these little ironies. My sister married the new king, and my repulsive nephew will be king after him. I must do my part for the honour of my house. Wouldn't you agree? But how? Well, my brother has his sword, and I have my mind, and a mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone. That's why I read so much, Jon Snow." Jon Snow and Tyrion Lannister
"Do the Dothraki buy their slaves?"
"The Dothraki don't believe in money. Most of their slaves were given to them as gifts."
"If you rule a city and see the horde approaching, you have two choices: pay tribute or fight. An easy choice for most. Of course, sometimes it's not enough. Sometimes a khal feels insulted by the number of slaves he's given. He might think the men too weak or the women too ugly. Sometimes a khal decides his riders haven't had a good fight in months, and need the practice."-Daenarys Targaryen and Ser Jeor Mormont
"A bear's balls."
"And his brains and his guts, his lungs and his heart, all fried in his own fat. Well, when you're a hundred miles north of the Wall and you ate your last meal a week ago, you leave nothing for the wolves."
"And how do a bear's balls taste?"
"A bit chewy. And what about you my lord? What's the strangest thing you've eaten?"
"Do Dornish girls count? So, you roam the Seven Kingdoms, collaring pickpockets and horse thieves and bring them here as eager recruits?"
"Aye. But it's not all of 'em's done bad things. Some of 'em's just poor lads looking for steady feed. Some of 'em's high-born lads looking for glory."
"They have a better chance of finding feed then glory."
"The Night's Watch is a joke to you, is it? Is that what we are, Lannister? An army of jesters in black?"
"You don't have enough men to be an army and, aside from Yoren here, none of you are particularly funny."
"I hope we've provided you some good stories to tell when you're back in King's Landing. It's something to think about while you're drinking your wine down there, enjoying your brothels. Half the boys you've seen training will die north of the Wall. Might be a wildling's axe that gets them, might be sickness, might just be the cold. They die in pain. And they do it so plump little lords like you can enjoy their summer afternoons in peace and comfort."
"Do you think I'm plump? Listen, Benjen, may I call you Benjen?"
"Call me what you like."
"I'm not sure what I've done to offend you. I have great admiration for the Night's Watch. I have great admiration for you as First Ranger-"
"You know, my brother once told me that nothing someone says before the 'but' really counts."
"-But, I don't believe that giants and ghouls and White Walkers are lurking beyond the Wall. I believe that the only difference between us and the wildlings is that when that Wall went up, our ancestors happened to live on the right side of it."
"You're right. The wildlings are no different from us. A little rougher, maybe. But they're made of meat and bone. I know how to track them and I know how to kill them. It's not the wildlings giving me sleepless nights. You've never been north of the Wall, so don't tell me what's out there."-Yoren, Tyrion, and Benjen Stark
Cripples, Bastards and Broken Things
"Is this some kind of trick? Why do you want to help him?"
"I have a tender spot in my heart for cripples, bastards and broken things."-Robb Stark and Tyrion
The Wolf and the Lion
"Look at this idiot! One ball and no brains. He can't even put a man's armour on him properly."
"You're too fat for your armour."
"Fat? Fat, is it? Is that how you speak to your king? (Both laugh. Lancel starts laughing.) Oh, it's funny, is it?"
"No, Your Grace."
"No? You don't like the Hand's joke?"
"You're torturing the poor boy."
"You heard the Hand. The king's too fat for his armour. Go find the breastplate stretcher. Now!" (Lancel leaves, both laugh again)
"'The breastplate stretcher'?"
"How long before he figures it out?"
"Maybe you should have one invented."-Robert Baratheon, Ned Stark and Lancel Lannister.
"Let's say Viserys Targaryen lands with 40,000 Dothraki screamers at his back. We hole up in our castles. A wise move. Only a fool would meet the Dothraki in an open field. They leave us in our castles. They go from town to town looting and burning, killing every man that can't hide behind a stone wall, stealing all our crops, enslaving all our women and children. How long do the people of the Seven Kingdoms stand by their absentee king? Their cowardly king hiding behind high walls? When do the people decide that Viserys Targaryen is the rightful monarch after all?"
"We still outnumber them."
"Which is the bigger number, five or one?"
(Holds up an open hand.) "Five." (Holds up a fist.) "One. One army, a real army united behind one leader with one purpose. Our purpose died with the Mad King. Now we have as many armies as there are people with gold in their purse."-Robert Bartheon I and Cersei
"How long can hate hold a thing together?"
"Well, seventeen years is quite a long time."
"Yes, it is."
"Yes, it is. What was she like?"
"You've never asked about her, not once. Why now?"
"At first, just saying her name, even in private, felt like I was breathing life back into her. I thought if I didn't talk about her, she'd just fade away from you. When I realized that wasn't going to happen, I refused to ask out of spite. I didn't want to give you the satisfaction of thinking I cared enough to ask. Eventually it became clear that my spite didn't mean anything to you. As far as I could tell, you actually enjoyed it."
"So why now?"
"What harm could Lyanna Stark's ghost do to either of us that we haven't done to each other a hundred times over?"
"You want to know the horrible truth? I can't even remember what she looked like. I only know she was the one thing I ever wanted, someone took her away from me, and seven kingdoms couldn't fill the hole she left behind."-Robert Baratheon and Cersei
A Golden Crown
"Where do I begin, my lords and ladies? I'm a vile man, I confess it. My crimes and sins are beyond counting. I have lied and cheated, gambled and whored. I'm not particularly good at violence, but I'm good at convincing others to do violence for me. You want specifics, I suppose. When I was seven, I saw a servant girl, bathing in the river. I stole her robe. She was forced to return to the castle naked and in tears. If I close my eyes, I can still see her tits bouncing. When I was 10, I stuffed my uncle's shoes with goat shit. When confronted with my crime, I blamed a squire. Poor boy was flogged, and I escaped justice. When I was 12, I milked my eel into a pot of turtle stew. I flogged the one-eyed snake. I skinned my sausage. I made the bald man cry into the turtle stew, which I do believe my sister ate. At least I hope she did. I once brought a jackass and a honeycomb into a brothel-"
"What happened next?"-Tyrion, Lysa Arryn and Robyn Arryn, on Tyrion 'confessing his crimes'
"You don't fight with honour!"
"No. He did."-Lysa Arryn and Bronn
"In the name of Robert of the House Baratheon, First of his Name, King of the Andals, Rhoynar and First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms and Protector of the Realm, I charge you to bring the king's justice to the false knight Gregor Clegane and all those who shared in his crimes. I denounce him and attaint him. I strip him of all ranks and titles, of all lands and holdings, and sentence him to death."
"My lord, this ... this is a drastic action. It would be better to wait for King Robert's return."
"Grand Maester Pycelle."
"Send a raven to Casterly Rock. Inform Tywin Lannister that he has been summoned to court to answer for the crimes of his bannermen. He will arrive within the fortnight, or be branded an enemy of the Crown and a traitor to the realm."-Ned Stark and Grand Maester Pycelle
"Can we take Syrio back with us?"
"Who cares about your stupid dancing teacher? I can't go. I'm supposed to marry Prince Joffrey. I love him and I'm meant to be his queen and have his babies."
"When you're old enough, I'll make a match with someone who's worthy of you; someone who's brave and gentle and strong-"
"I don't want brave and gentle and strong. I want him! He'll be the greatest king that ever was, a golden lion, and I'll give him sons with beautiful blond hair."
"The lion's not his sigil, idiot. He's a stag, like his father."
"He is not. He's nothing like that old drunk king."-Arya, Sansa and Ned Stark
"You shall have a golden crown that men shall tremble to behold."-Khal Drogo to Viserys Targaryen
"A crown for a king."-Khal Drogo before killing Viserys with molten gold
"He was no dragon. Fire cannot kill a dragon."-Daenarys Targaryen on the death of Viserys
You Win or You Die
"You should have taken the realm for yourself. Jaime told me about the day King's Landing fell. He was sitting in the Iron Throne and you made him give it up. All you needed to do was climb the steps yourself. Such a sad mistake."
"I've made many mistakes in my life, but that wasn't one of them."
"Oh, but it was. When you play the game of thrones, you win or you die. There is no middle ground."-Cersei Lannister and Ned Stark
"You came to us as outlaws, poachers, rapers, killers, thieves. You came alone, in chains, without friends or honour. You came to us rich, and you came to us poor. Some of you bear the names of proud Houses, others only bastard names or no names at all. It does not matter. All that is in the past. Here, on the Wall, we are all one House."-Lord Commander Jeor Mormont to the new recruits of the Night's Watch.
"Hear my words, and bear witness to my vow. Night gathers, and now my watch begins. It shall not end until my death. I shall take no wife, hold no lands, bear no titles, father no children. I shall wear no crowns and win no glory. I shall live and die at my post. I am the sword in the darkness. I am the watcher on the walls. I am the shield that guards the realms of men. I pledge my life and honour to the Night's Watch, for this night and all the nights to come."-The vow of the Night's Watch.
"Moon of my life, are you hurt? (Daenarys shakes her head 'no') Jorah the Andal, I heard what you did. Choose any horse you wish, it is yours. I make this gift to you. And to my son, the stallion who will mount the world, I will also pledge a gift, I will give him the iron chair that his mother's father sat upon. I will give him Seven Kingdoms. I, Drogo, will do this. I will take my Khalasar west to where the world ends and ride wooden horses across the black salt water as no Khal has ever done! I will kill the men in iron suits and tear down their stone houses! I will rape their women, take their children as slaves and bring their broken gods back to Vaes Dothrak! This, I vow, I, Drogo, son of Bharbo. I swear before the Mother of Mountains as the stars look down in witness! As the stars look down in witness!"-Khal Drogo's vow of vengeance for the attempted murder of Daenarys
The Pointy End
"When you meet your gods, tell them Shagga, son of Dolf, of the Stone Crows sent you."
"I'm Tyrion, son of Tywin, of Clan Lannister."
"How would you like to die, Tyrion, son of Tywin?"
"In my own bed at the age of 80, with a belly full of wine and a girl's mouth around my cock."
"Take the halfman. He can dance for the children. Kill the other one."
"No, no, no, no, no! My ... my house is rich and powerful. If you see us through these mountains, my father will shower you with gold."
"We have no use for a halfman's promises."
"Halfman maybe, but at least I have the courage to face my enemies. What do the Stone Crows do? Hide behind rocks and shiver when the knights of the Vale ride by? Are those the best weapons you could steal? Good enough for killing sheep, if the sheep don't fight back. Lannister smiths shit better steel."
"You think you can win us over with your trinkets?"
(Tyrion hands over one of his rings) "That trinket is worth more than everything your tribe owns. But if you help us, Shagga, son of Dolf, I will not give you trinkets. I will give you this."
"What is 'this'?"
"The Vale of Arryn. The lords of the Vale have always spat upon the hill tribes. The lords of the Vale want me dead. I believe it is time for new lords of the Vale."-Tyrion Lannister and Shagga Dolfson
"How many men do you have?"
"18,000. If I go to King's Landing and bend my knee to Joffrey-"
"You would never be allowed to leave. No. Our best hope, our only hope is that you can defeat them in the field."
"And if I lose?"
"Do you know what happened to the Targaryen children when the Mad King fell?"
"They were butchered in their sleep."
"On the orders of Tywin Lannister. And the years have not made him kinder. If you lose, your father dies, your sisters die, we die."
"Well, that makes it simple then."
"I suppose it does."-Robb and Catelyn Stark on the war
"We could end this war right now, boy, save thousands of lives. You fight for the Starks, I fight for the Lannisters. Swords or lances, teeth, nails, choose your weapons and let's end this here and now."
"If we do it your way, Kingslayer, you'd win. We're not doing it your way."-Ser Jaime Lannister and Robb Stark after the Battle of the Whispering Woods
"One victory does not make us conquerors. Did we free my father? Did we rescue my sisters from the queen? Did we free the North from those who want us on our knees? This war is far from over."-Robb Stark
Fire and Blood
"Is it true about Stannis and Renly?"
"Both Baratheon brothers have taken up against us. Jaime captured, his armies scattered, it's a catastrophe. Perhaps we should sue for peace."
(Tyrion tosses his glass on the floor, where it shatters.) "There's your peace. Joffrey saw to that when he decided to remove Ned Stark's head. You'll have an easier time drinking out of that cup than you will bringing Robb Stark to the table now. He's winning, in case you hadn't noticed."-Lannisters on the beginning of the War of the Five Kings
"Kings? Oh, I can tell you all there is to know about kings. The thing you need to understand about kings is . . . For the past 67 years, I've known, truly known, more kings than any man alive. They're complicated men, but I know how to serve them. Yes. And keep on serving them. Aerys Targaryen. Of all the thousand, thousand maladies the gods visit on us, madness is the worst. He was a good man. Such a charmer. To watch him melt away before my eyes, consumed by dreams of fire and blood . . . Robert Baratheon was an entirely different animal, powerful man, great warrior, but alas, winning a kingdom and ruling a kingdom are rather different things. They say that if a man goes through life with his battle visor down, he can often be blind to the enemies at his side. Now I serve his son, King Joffrey, may the gods bless his reign. He's a capable young man, strong military mind. Stern. But sternness in defence of the realm is no vice. It's far too soon to know what manner of king he will be, but I sense true greatness on the horizon for our new king. True greatness."-Grand Maester Pycelle on kings
The North Remembers
(Whistling 'Rains of Castamere') "Don't get up. More ravishing than ever, big sister. War agrees with you. Forgive the interruption. Carry on."
"What are you doing here?"
"It's been a remarkable journey. I've pissed off the edge of the Wall, I slept in a sky cell, I fought with the hill tribes. So many adventures, so much to be thankful for."
"What are you doing here? This is the Small Council."
"Yes, well, I do believe the Hand of the King is welcome at all Small Council meetings."
"Our father is Hand of the King."
"Yes, but in his absence-" (hands scroll to Varys)
"Your father has named Lord Tyrion to serve as Hand in his stead while he fights."
"Out! All of you out!"-Tyrion announcing his new position as Hand of the King to the Small Council
"If the king listens to what I have to say, the king might just get his Uncle Jaime back."
"You love your children. It's your one redeeming quality. That and your cheekbones. The Starks love their children as well. And we have two of them."
"Arya, little animal, she disappeared."
"Disappeared? What, in a puff of smoke? We had three Starks to trade. You chopped one's head off and let another escape. Father will be furious. It must be odd for you-to be the disappointing child."-Tyrion and Cersei Lannister
"I keep expecting you to leave me in one castle or another for safe-keeping, but you drag me along from camp to camp. Have you grown fond of me, Stark? Is that is? I've never seen you with a girl."
"If I left you with one of my bannermen, your father would know within a fortnight, and my bannerman would receive a raven with a message: 'Release my son and you'll be rich beyond your dreams. Refuse, and your House will be destroyed, root and stem.'"
"You don't trust the loyalty of the men following you into battle?"
"I trust them with my life, just not with yours."
"Smart boy. What's wrong? Don't like being called 'boy'? Insulted?"
"You insult yourself, Kingslayer. You've been defeated by a boy. You're held captive by a boy. Perhaps you'll be killed by a boy."-Ser Jaime Lannister and King Robb Stark
The Night Lands
"Tell me, when your men slaughtered Ned Stark's men in the throne room, did you give the order?"
"I did. And I would again. The man was a traitor. He tried to buy my loyalty."
"The fool. He had no idea you were already bought."
"Are you drunk?! I'll not have my honour questioned by an imp!"
"I'm not questioning your honour, Lord Janos. I'm denying it's existence."
"If you think I'll stand here and take this from you, dwarf . . ."
"Dwarf? You should have stopped at imp. And yes, you will stand here and take it from me, unless you'd like to take it from my friend here. (Bronn walks into the room) I intend to serve as Hand of the King until my father returns from the war. And seeing as you betrayed the last Hand of the King, well, I just wouldn't feel safe with you lurking about."-Tyrion Lannister and Lord Janos Slynt
What is Dead May Never Die
"Power is a curious thing, my lord. Are you fond of riddles?"
"Why, am I about to hear one?"
"Three great men sit in a room: a king, a priest and a rich man. Between them stands a common sellsword. Each great man bids the sellsword kill the other two. Who lives, who dies?"
"Depends on the sellsword."
"Does it? He has neither crown nor gold nor favour with the gods."
"He has a sword, the power of life and death."
"But if it's swordsmen who rule, why do we pretend kings hold all the power? When Ned Stark lost his head, who was truly responsible? Joffrey? The executioner? Or something else?"
"I've decided I don't like riddles."
"Power resides where men believe it resides. It's a trick, a shadow on the wall. And a very small man can cast a very large shadow."-Varys and Tyrion on power
Garden of Bones
"You can't talk to me like that. The king can do as he likes!"
"The Mad King did as he liked. Has your Uncle Jaime ever told you what happened to him?"
"No one threatens His Grace in the presence of the Kingsguard!"
"I'm not threatening the king, ser. I am educating my nephew. Bronn, the next time Ser Meryn speaks, kill him. That was a threat. See the difference?"-Joffrey, Tyrion and Ser Meryn
"What do you know of (Qarth)?"
"Only that the desert around their walls is called the Garden of Bones. Every time the Qartheen shut their gates on a traveller, the garden grows."-Daenarys Targaryen and Ser Jorah Mormont
The Ghost of Harrenhal
Loyal service means telling hard truths.-Ser Davos Seaworth
"Corruption. Yes, we are swollen, bloated, foul. Brother fornicates with sister in the bed of kings and we're surprised when the fruit of their incest is rotten? Yes, a rotten king."
"It's hard to argue with his assessment."
"Not after what he did to your birthday present."
"The king is a lost cause. It's the rest of us I'm worried about now."
"A dancing king, prancing down his bloodstained halls to the tune of a twisted demon monkey."
"You have to admire his imagination."
"He's talking about you.
"What? Demon monkey?"-Heckler, Tyrion and Bronn
The Old Gods and the New
"Traitors! I'll have all their heads."
"Oh, you blind, bloody fool."
"You can't insult me."
"We've had vicious kings, and we've had idiot kings, but I don't know if we've ever been cursed with a vicious idiot for a king."
"You can't . . ."
"I can, I am."
"They attacked me!"
"They threw a cow pie at you so you decided to kill them all? They're starving you fool! All because of a war you started."
"You're talking to a king!"
(Tyrion slaps Joffrey.) "And now I've struck a king. Did my hand fall from my wrist?" Joffrey and Tyrion
A Man Without Honour
"This will be my last war, win or lose."
"Have you ever lost before?"
"Do you think I'd be in my position if I had lost a war? But this is the one I'll be remembered for. The War of the Five Kings, they're calling it. My legacy will be determined in the coming months. Do you know what legacy means? It's what you pass down to your children and your children's children. It's what remains of you when you're gone. Harren the Black thought this castle would be his legacy. The greatest fortress ever built. The tallest towers, the strongest walls. The Great Hall had 35 hearths. Thirty-five. Can you imagine? Look at it now. A blasted ruin. Do you know what happened?"
"Yes. Dragons happened. Harrenhal was built to withstand an attack from the land. A million men could have marched on these walls, and a million men would have been repelled. But an attack from the air with dragonfire? Hmm. Harren and all his sons roasted alive within these walls. Aegon Targaryen changed the rules. That's why every child alive still knows his name, 300 years after his death."
"Aegon and his sisters."
"It wasn't just Aegon riding his dragon. It was Rhaenys and Visenya too."
"Correct. A student of history, are you?"
"Rhaenys rode Meraxes. Visenya rode Vhagar."
"I'm sure I knew that when I was a boy."
"Visenya Targaryen was a great warrior. She had a Valyrian steel sword she called Dark Sister."
"Hmm. She's a heroine of yours, I take it? Aren't most girls more interested in the pretty maidens from the songs? Jonquil with the flowers in her hair?"
"Most girls are idiots."-Tywin Lannister and Arya Stark on legacies
"I will open Qarth to the world as I have forced it to open itself to me."
"Your ambition is an inspiration. But like all upstarts, you overreach. Three dragons the size of cats and an alliance with a charlatan do not make you a king."
"An upstart and a charlatan? Empires have been built by less. Those on the margins often come to control the centre, and those in the centre make room for them, willingly or otherwise."-Xaro Xhoan Daxos and the Spice King
It's hard to put a leash on a dog once you've put a crown on it's head.-Tyrion Lannister on Joffrey
The Prince of Winterfell
"I must complement you on the gold cloak's performance these last few weeks. Did you know there has been a marked drop in thievery?"
"I did not know. And how did you accomplish this marked drop in thievery?"
"Me and the lads rounded up all the known thieves."
"Ah, no. It's just the unknown thieves we need to worry about now."
"We talked about this."
"Aye, we talked about it. Have you ever been in a city under siege? Maybe this part's not in your books. See, it's not the fighting that kills most people, it's the starving. Food's worth more than gold. Noble ladies sell their diamonds for a sack of potatoes. Things get bad enough, the poor start eating each other. The thieves, they love a siege. Soon as the gates are sealed, they steal all the food. By the time it's all over, they're the richest men in town."
"Given the circumstances, my lord, I believe extreme measures are warranted. Ah, The Great Sieges of Westeros. Thrilling subject. Shame Archmaester Ch'Vyalthan wasn't a better writer."
"Stannis knows King's Landing. He knows which walls are strongest and which gates are weakest. The Mud Gate. A good ram will batter it down in minutes, and it's only 50 yards from the water. That's where he'll land."
"And if Stannis does attack the Mud Gate, what is our plan?"
'We could throw books at his men."
"We don't have that many books."
"We don't have that many men, either."
"What do we have?"
"Pig shit."-Varys, Tyrion and Bronn on the defence of King's Landing
I will hurt you for this. A day will come when you think you're safe and happy, and your joy will turn to ashes in your mouth. And you will know the debt is paid.-Tyrion promising revenge on Cersei
"They say Stannis never smiles. I'll give him a red smile. From ear to ear."
"Imagine Stannis' terror."
"I am trying."-Joffrey, Tyrion and Varys
"I've always hated the bells. They ring for horror. A dead king, a city under siege."
"Exactly." Varys and Tyrion
"Don't get killed."
"Nor you, my friend."
"Oh, are we friends now?"
"Of course we are. Just because I pay you for your services doesn't diminish our friendship."
"Enhances it, really."
"Oh! 'Enhances.' Fancy word for a sellsword."
"Been spending time with fancy folks."-Bronn and Tyrion
"If I tell the Hound to cut you in half, he'll do it without a second thought."
"That would make me the quarterman. It just doesn't have the same ring to it. Cut me in half and I won't be able to give the signal. No signal, no plan. No plan and Stannis Baratheon sacks this city, takes the Iron Throne, and puts your pinched little head atop a gate somewhere. It might be quite amusing, except my head would be up there too. I've never much liked my head, but I don't want to see it removed just yet."-Joffrey and Tyrion
"They say I'm half a man. But what does that make the lot of you?"
"The only way out is through the gates. And they're at the gates."
"There's another way out. I'm going to show you. We'll come out behind them and fuck them in their arses. Don't fight for your king and don't fight for his kingdoms. Don't fight for honour. Don't fight for glory. Don't fight for riches, because you won't get any. This is your city Stannis means to sack. That's your gate he's ramming. If he gets in, it will be your houses he burns, your gold he steals, your women he will rape. Those are brave men knocking at our door. Let's go kill them!"-Tyrion's rally of the Lannister troops
First time I saw Winterfell, it looked like something that had been here for thousands of years, and would be here for thousands of years after I was dead. I saw it and I thought, 'Of course Ned Stark crushed our rebellion and killed my brothers. We never stood a chance against the man who lives here.'-Theon Greyjoy on Winterfell
You hear that? That's the mating call of the Northmen. They want to fuck us. Well, I haven't had a good fuck in weeks. I'm ready for one. They say every ironborn man is worth a dozen from the mainland. You think they're right? We die today, brothers. We die bleeding from 100 wounds, with arrows in our necks and spears in our guts, but our war cries will echo through eternity. They will sing about the battle of Winterfell until the Iron Islands have slipped beneath the waves. Every man, woman and child will know who we were and how long we stood. Aggar and Gelmarr, Wex and Urzen, Stygg and Black Lorren. Ironborn warriors will cry out our names as they leap onto the shores of Seagard and Faircastle. Mothers will name their sons for us. Girls will think of us with their lovers inside them. And whoever kills that fucking horn-blower will stand in bronze above the shores of Pyke! What is dead may never die!-Theon's rallying speech
"Why do you want to join us, Jon Snow?"
"I want to be free."
"No, I don't think so. I think what you want most of all is to be a hero. I'll ask you one last time, why do you want to join us?"
"We stopped at Craster's Keep on the way north. I saw-"
"You saw what?"
"I saw Craster take his own baby boy and leave it in the woods. I saw what took it."
"You're telling me you saw one of them? And why would that make you desert your brothers?"
"Because when I told the Lord Commander, he already knew. Thousands of years ago, the First Men battled the White Walkers and defeated them. I want to fight for the side that fights for the living. Did I come to the right place?"
"We'll need to find you a new cloak."-Mance Rayder and Jon Snow
Dark Wings, Dark Words
Here's the thing, fat boy. (Shoots arrow high into the air.) When I'm done talking, that arrow's falling down on your fat head. So I advise you move, because I'm done talking. (Hot Pie moves just in time to avoid the arrow.)-Anguy to Hot Pie
"Half the country's starving, and look at this one."
"Maybe he's the reason half the country's starving." Anguy and Thoros of Myr on Hot Pie
Walk of Punishment
It often comforts me to think that even in war's darkest days, in most places in the world, absolutely nothing's happening.-Ser Brynden 'Blackfish' Tully
Rhaegar fought nobly, Rhaegar fought honourably, and Rhaegar died.-Ser Jorah Mormont
"And what about you? You know that I'm taking you to war. You may go hungry. You may fall sick. You may be killed."
"Yes, all men must die. But we are not men."-Daenarys and Missandei
"Ah, the return of the conquering hero. Does he have a little jaunt in his step?"
"The lad's practically skipping."
"You were gone a long time. I trust you got your money's worth. Or should I say my money's worth? (Pod sets down a purse.) Oh, it was a gift, Podrick. This is more than I give you in a year."
"He's a squire, you don't pay him."
"Oh, then it's much more than I give you in a year."
"They wouldn't take it, my lord."
"Maybe they're trying to curry some favour with the new Master of Coin."
"Have you ever known a whore to turn down gold? They were happy enough to take it when I gave it to them."
"What did you tell them?"
"I didn't tell them anything."
"What did you do to them?"
"Lots of things."
"And they seemed to like these things?"
"Yes, my lord."
"Of course they did. They're paid to seem to like it."
"Only they weren't paid."
"What are you saying? These ladies enjoyed him so much, they gave him the time for free?"
"Is that what you're telling us? (Pod nods.) Sit down, Podrick. We're going to need details. Copious details."-Tyrion, Bronn and Podrick on Podrick's loss of virginity
"You think you're the smartest man there is. That everyone alive has to bow and scrape and lick your boots."
"And if you get in any trouble, all you have to do is say 'My father', and that's it, all your troubles are gone."
"Have you got something to say? Careful. You don't want to say the wrong thing. You're nothing without your daddy, and your daddy ain't here. Never forget that. Here, this should help you remember." (Cuts off Jaime's hand.)-Vargo Hoat and Jaime Lannister
And Now His Watch is Ended
"Before all this nastiness, I was going to tell you the story of how I was cut. Do you want to hear it still?"
"I don't know. Do I?"
"As a boy, I travelled with a troupe of actors through the Free Cities. One day in Myr, a certain man made my master an offer too tempting to refuse. I feared the man meant to use me as I'd heard some men used small boys. But what he wanted was far worse. He gave me a potion that made me powerless to move or speak, yet did nothing to dull my senses. With a hooked blade he sliced me, root and stem, chanting all the while. He burned my parts in a brazier. The flames turned blue, and I heard a voice answer his call. I still dream of that night. Not of the sorcerer, not of his blade. I dream of the voice from the flames. Was it a god? A demon? A conjuror's trick? I don't know. But the sorcerer called, and a voice answered. And ever since that day, I have hated magic, and all those who practice it. But you can see why I was eager to aid you in your fight against Stannis and his red priestess. A symbolic revenge of sorts."
"Yes. I feel the need for actual revenge against the actual person who tried to have me killed, which will require a degree of influence, which..."
"You do not possess at the moment. But influence is largely a matter of patience, I have found. Once I had served the sorcerer's purpose, he threw me out of his house to die. I resolved to live to spite him. I begged. I sold what parts of my body remained to me. I became an excellent thief, and soon learned that the contents of a man's letters are more valuable than the contents of his purse. Step by step, one distasteful task after another, I made my way from the slums of Myr to the Small Council chamber. Influence grows like a weed. I tended mine patiently until it's tendrils reached from the Red Keep all the way to the far side of the world, where I managed to wrap them around something very special." (Lifts the lid of the box in his room to reveal a man inside.)
"Hello, my old friend. It's been a long time. I have no doubt the revenge you want will be yours in time, if you have the stomach for it." (Replaces the lid.)-Varys and Tyrion
"Growing Strong". Ha! The dullest words of any house! "Winter is Coming"! Now, that's memorable. "We Do Not Sow"! Strong! Strong, those houses, you watch out for them! Direwolves and Krakens, fierce beasts. But a golden rose, growing strong? Oh, yes, that strikes fear in the heart!-Olenna Tyrell
Actually, I rather enjoy him. But he would see this country burn if he could be king of the ashes."-Varys on Littlefinger
"Missandei, tell the bitch her beast won't come."
"A dragon is not a slave."
"You speak Valyrian?"
"I am Daenarys Stormborn of the House Targaryen, of the blood of Old Valyria. Valyrian is my mother tongue. Unsullied! Slay the masters, slay the soldiers, slay every man who holds a whip, but harm no child! Strike the chains off every slave you see!"
"I am your master! Kill her! Kill her! Kill her!"
"Dracarys."-Kraznys and Daenarys as Daenarys takes her army
Kissed by Fire
"Mercy, sire! I didn't kill anyone, I was just the watcher!"
"This one was just the watcher. Hang him last so he can watch the others die."-Karstark soldier and Robb Stark
"The Mad King was obsessed with it (wildfire). He loved to watch people burn, the way their skin blackened and blistered and melted off their bones. He burned lords he didn't like. He burned Hands who disobeyed him. He burned anyone who was against him. Before long, half the country was against him. Aerys saw traitors everywhere. So he had his pyromancer place caches of wildfire all over the city. Beneath the Sept of Baelor and the slums of Flea Bottom. Under houses, stables, taverns. Even beneath the Red Keep itself. Finally, the day of reckoning came. Robert Baratheon marched on the capital after his victory at the Trident. But my father arrived first with the whole Lannister army at his back, promising to defend the city against the rebels. I knew my father better than that. He's never been one to pick the losing side. I told the Mad King as much. I urged him to surrender peacefully. But the king didn't listen to me. He didn't listen to Varys who tried to warn him. But he did listen to Grand Maester Pycelle, that grey, sunken cunt. "You can trust the Lannisters," he said. "The Lannisters have always been true friends of the crown." So we opened the gates and my father sacked the city. Once again, I came to the king, begging him to surrender. He told me to bring him my father's head. Then he turned to his pyromancer. "Burn them all," he said. "Burn them in their homes. Burn them in their beds." Tell me, if your precious Renly commanded you to kill your own father and stand by while thousands of men, women, and children burned alive, would you have done it? Would you have kept your oath then? First, I killed the pyromancer. And then when the king turned to flee, I drove my sword into his back. "Burn them all," he kept saying. "Burn them all." I don't think he expected to die. He- he meant to... burn with the rest of us and rise again, reborn as a dragon to turn his enemies to ash. I slit his throat to make sure that didn't happen. That's where Ned Stark found me.-Jaime Lannister on the Wildfire Plot
I've always been a terrible priest. Drank too much rum. Fucked all the whores in King's Landing. It's a terrible thing to say, but by the time I came to Westeros, I didn't believe in our Lord. I decided that He, that all the Gods, were stories we told the children to make them behave. So I wore the robes, and every now and then I'd recite the prayers, but it was just for show. A spectacle for the locals. Until the Mountain drove a lance through (Beric's) heart. I knelt beside his cold body and said the old words. Not because I believed in them, but . . . He was my friend, and he was dead. And they were the only words I knew. And for the first time in my life, the Lord replied. Beric's eyes opened, and I knew the truth. Our God is the one true God. And all men must serve Him.-Thoros of Myr
If you think this has a happy ending, you haven't been paying attention.-Ramsay Snow
I've won every battle, but I'm losing this war.-Robb Stark
It's a rare enough thing, a man who lives up to his reputation.-Olenna Tyrell on Tywin Lannister
"It's hard to say which of the four of us is getting the worst of the arrangement. Probably Sansa. Though Loras will certainly come to know a deep and singular misery."
"Father doesn't discriminate. We're all being shipped off to hell together."-Tyrion and Cersei on their upcoming marriages
Chaos isn't a pit. Chaos is a ladder. Many who try to climb it fail and never get to try again. The fall breaks them. And some are given a chance to climb, but they refuse. They cling to the realm or the Gods or love. Illusions. Only the ladder is real. The climb is all there is.-Petyr Baelish's philosophy of life
The Bear and the Maiden Fair
You waste time trying to get people to love you, you'll end up the most popular dead man in town.-Bronn
"You swore me safe conduct!"
"I did, but my dragons made no such promise. And you threatened their mother."-Razdal mo Eraz and Daenarys
"Ser Barristan, how many men fight for the Second Sons?"
"Under 2,000, Your Grace."
"We have more, don't we?"
"I'm only a young girl, new to the ways of war, but perhaps a seasoned captain like yourself can explain to me how you propose to defeat us."-Daenarys and Ser Barristan
"You have no ships. You have no siege weapons. You have no cavalry."
"A fortnight ago, I had no army. A year ago, I had no dragons."-Daario Nohaeris and Daenarys on her chances of retaking Westeros
"There will be no bedding ceremony."
"There will be if I command it."
(Tyrion stabs a knife into the table.) "Then you'll be fucking your own bride with a wooden cock."-Tyrion and Joffrey at Tyrion's wedding to Sansa
"I won't share your bed. Not until you want me to."
"And what if I never want you to?"
"And so my watch begins."-Tyrion and Sansa on their wedding night
The Rains of Castamere
Someday I'm going to put a sword through your eye and out the back of your skull.-Arya to the Hound
"He complained about this marriage the entire ride from Riverrun, and now look at him."
"The gods love to reward a fool."
"What? He's my nephew. I love him. And he's a damned fool."-Catelyn and Ser Brynden on Edmure
"Every bride suffers the same. I'm sure you endured yours with grace."
"Oh, Ned forbade it. He said it wouldn't be right if he broke a man's jaw on our wedding night."-Catelyn and Roose Bolton on the bedding ceremony
The disgraced daughter and the Demon Monkey. We're perfect for each other.-Tyrion to Sansa
"(Sansa) is no longer yours to torment."
"Everyone is mine to torment. You'd do well to remember that you little monster."
"Oh, I'm a monster. Perhaps you should speak to me a little more softly, then. Monsters are dangerous and just now kings are dying like flies."-Tyrion and Joffrey
Any man who must say "I am the king," is no true king.-Tywin
"You just sent the most powerful man in Westeros to bed without his supper."
"You're a fool if you believe he's the most powerful man in Westeros."-Tyrion and Tywin
Valar Moghulis.-Arya after killing her first man
Mhysa!-Yunkai chant after Dany frees them