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Joined 08-03-09, id: 2034540, Profile Updated: 09-05-12
Author has written 24 stories for Twilight.

NEVER ON MY MIND PATTERN OVER-VIEW: here is the gist of it. Paul imprints on Swan when she is reasonably mentally stable. Which is to say, not always. However, his scent, as well as other wolves, can effect her mental stability, providing clarity. So his scent can also effect the imprint. It's that simple, promise. If you want a chapter-to-chapter over-view of each imprinting, I have it. Just PM me your email and I will be happy to share!

My Colab Account! - BloodSoakedBombShells

Thats right! A whole nother place to read stories, and collabed with my resident gore expert,Mrs.Monster . No one knows how to kill shit pretty like she does. So, check it out, add it to author alerts, be ready to feel a little squeamish, and don't drink and read.

We just posted a fic over at TwiWrite for there Nightmare Before Christmas ConteProfilest. It's called Christmas Things, and I'd love for all y'all to read it, and if you like it, vote for us! It's jasperxbella, and an amityville worthy slaughter-fic. So if you hate Rosalie, this fic is for you. If you hate Edward, this fic is for you. If you hate Alice, this fic is for you. Hell, if you hate any of em', this fic is for you!

Firstly, I want to say hi, and welcome you to my profile page. I must have sparked some sort of interest if it lead you hear.

You guys ask me a lot of questions sometimes, and that is totally cool. I want any and all of you to know that I've started a gchat account that's open to any one who reads my stories, so feel free to come on over, and talk about Peter, Peen, Sam, Alistair,where I get my ideas, turning your own ideas into stories...whatever. Wow that was a run on sentence. Anyways, I may be totally boring in person ( gchat?), but eh. I could be fun.

If your not wearing pants while IMing with me, I don't want to know though. Not wearing pants while on the internet makes you an instant creeper. I know, I've been pantsless on the internet before. But anyways, I digress. Um, if you could drop me a message and tell me who you are and that you got my email of my profile, should you add me, that would be great. Because sometimes y'all add me and I have no idea who you are and I feel bad about it. But a lot of you I actually recognize by penname now! You are all that awesome.



Do not read my stories if you are under 18. If I keep getting reviews from underage people, I'm going to smack a fictional ho'. Or just rage. I'll probably just rage, but whatever. Please, I am asking you, just don't. If you do, for fucksake, I don't want to know your some little junior high schooler diddling yourself to literary werewolf porn. I do not want to know. Keep that shit to yourself. If I keep seeing this shit, you little babies out there reading things that are just not for you, I'll have to start cutting the lemons out of my stories. Not that I write many, I really don't. My stories could totally stand without them. I write them for you guys. That is all.


I aspire to one day sit upon the clouds shared with only Fanfic Authors with 10,000 reviews. I bet it's nice up there, probably an awesome view. But until then, I'll just keep writing what I love.

Just to get this shit out of the way, I'm 22, I'm a mom, and three-legged dog owner. I enjoy short walks to the fridge, and the sweet glow of my computer screen after dark. I drink to much coffee, and I'm a card carrying member of the Tattoo'd ladies club. Not really, does that exist? Because I would so join.

Important facts about me? I almost always feel it necessary to say what I think; I must share my opinion, and I offer no reassurance that I will accept your opinion. You can have one, yeah, but doesn't mean I will like it. I think every one is like that, to an extent.

And I'll probably let you know that I don't like your opinion. Maybe we can have an opinion war. It's just the way I am. But I'm passionate about protecting those I care about, and those I've come to like, so keep in mind that if I like you, you are important. I take care of my own.

No but seriously, I'm kind of mean sometimes. Exspecially to people who haze my grammar. Even more when they spell Grammar with an 'E'. I wear to Lord, I'll smack a bitch like Wayne fucking Brady. Just to let you all know, I know my spelling isn't the best, and I proof read my shit, I really do. I've t found a beta who I adore, and who can handle my schedule as well as the feces that is my ability to use semi-colons and 'there, they're, their' properly. But retroactively betaing everything is in the works, it's just going to take a damn while. Mood Rings, Peices of me, Bella's Tale and most of Alpha Fail are all beta'd, by the way. So get on them bitches.

I am a firm believer that I'm awesome. I bet you're awesome too. It's good to be awesome. Keep it up! I mean, I'm not the bestests author ever in like the whole wide world or anything. I'm no fucking Bronte or Lovecraft. But I got some skills, and I like to share. I'd like to think I've got at least seven solid inches of epicwin in my pants. That being said, I can twank myself raw on a good day, but I'm not against a little ego strokin' of others either. What can I say? I'm a giver. I think every one should think they are awesome at something or another.

I take comfort in writing ways and reasons why Edward gets his limbs torn off, and making Emmet and Jasper cream there pants.

I love non-cannon, and I'd rather Bella not be such a pussy. Seriously, no puss puss. Grow a dick, girl.

Most of what I write is Rated M for citrusy reasons. And swearing. And gore.

Call me a masochist, writing lemons makes me blush! And yet, I write up some of the raunchiest shit.

I hate when people abandon stories. At least tell me it's been abandoned, before I waste (I totally spelled this as 'waist' the first time. what a fail) my time reading it. Or say it's on hiatus, so I am less expectant.

Okay, I'm not good with profiles. I pretty much bitched all through this.

If you like my fics, I seriously suggest you add me on Twitter. I frequently post about updates, what's going on, ideas, and general what not there. So, if you are looking for answers, that is where you should go.

twitter - @lifelesslyndsey

I have never been terribly creative when it came to pennames, obviously.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Playing With Fire by Dance Elle Dance reviews
Just as Jacob is starting to become Bella's "personal sun," he imprints on Leah. Heartbroken, Bella finds solace with another werewolf - a more volatile, hot-tempered werewolf who doesn't put up with her pity party. PaulBella, JacobLeah, New Moon AU
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 24 - Words: 78,365 - Reviews: 1448 - Favs: 1,287 - Follows: 1,697 - Updated: 12/21/2012 - Published: 3/3/2010 - [Bella, Paul] [Leah, Jacob]
Conversations with My Killer by Oracle Vas reviews
To me, life was a heartbeat in time and a breath of air. Jasper showed me it was truth, justice, faith, love, and fear. He dared me to be different. He encouraged me to defy the rules of my world and create my own. And on my last day, he took it all.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 31 - Words: 193,610 - Reviews: 4748 - Favs: 1,875 - Follows: 1,966 - Updated: 4/3/2012 - Published: 7/13/2010 - Bella, Jasper
Freedom's Rise by Michelle Amethyst reviews
Nominated for the "Everything's Bigger in Texas Awards". Bella's very special and draws the attention of Maria in 1927. She meets Jasper and Peter and swears revenge on Maria for taking everything from her.But revenge is a delicate thing to achieve.AU JXB
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 63,842 - Reviews: 603 - Favs: 691 - Follows: 726 - Updated: 7/31/2011 - Published: 8/22/2009 - Bella, Jasper
Release by Spirare reviews
Many years after Bella's 18th birthday party, Jasper returns to Forks and discovers a secret letter. Will he follow his heart? A cluttered commentary in prose.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 7 - Words: 17,835 - Reviews: 316 - Favs: 238 - Follows: 306 - Updated: 6/13/2011 - Published: 4/2/2010 - Bella, Jasper
Learning to Live Again by OperaGurl04 reviews
Edward leaves Bella in New Moon, but one of the Cullens can't stay away and Bella soon makes a new discovery about herself. My rewrite of New Moon with Jasper replacing Jacob. NOW COMPLETE
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 54 - Words: 97,466 - Reviews: 937 - Favs: 1,153 - Follows: 672 - Updated: 2/2/2011 - Published: 3/8/2009 - Bella, Jasper - Complete
The Last Mile by catonspeed reviews
8yrs from NM bday party aftermath: It's the final nail in the coffin & Bella is running south after bad news. Where has she been? Meeting the last person she expected to find on the desert roads of Texas, is her life ending or just beginning? Jasper/Bella
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Angst - Chapters: 20 - Words: 65,729 - Reviews: 1564 - Favs: 1,137 - Follows: 1,236 - Updated: 9/14/2010 - Published: 10/3/2009 - Bella, Jasper
You'll Be Mine by jasper's naughty girls reviews
Jasper is the one to leave after Bella's B-day but he can't seem to stay away. Who does Bella want? Can Jasper give her what Edward can't? Dark/Dominant Jasper. A joint effort between Jasper's Darlin' Kathy & Cullen818.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 20 - Words: 77,455 - Reviews: 1939 - Favs: 1,270 - Follows: 1,243 - Updated: 8/28/2010 - Published: 8/12/2009 - Jasper, Bella
Geek Love by SassenachWench reviews
Humor, romance, healing and rampant geekitude collide in this Edward & Bella love story. "A funny, quirky love story about two computer geeks whose playful friendship turns into something more." Chokin' the Rubber Chicken blog.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 22 - Words: 84,776 - Reviews: 3149 - Favs: 2,687 - Follows: 1,265 - Updated: 1/3/2010 - Published: 8/23/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Paradigm Shift by Rock Lobster reviews
Post OOP: Harry, still haunted by the events at the DOM, escapes Privet Drive and Snape becomes his unwilling accomplice. Complete.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 19 - Words: 76,983 - Reviews: 558 - Favs: 613 - Follows: 131 - Updated: 5/5/2005 - Published: 11/8/2004 - Harry P., Severus S. - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Never On My Mind reviews
'Forget about it Paul.'The order took hold. It wasn't instant; Paul's natural inclination to fight all orders wouldn't allow it to take hold in a snap. It crept over him instead, stripping away what choice he had as slow as honey. One minute life was all about her. The next, it wasn't. This is a story of how Paul imprinted. Again. Again. And again. PxB Some OOC, heed the warnings
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 24 - Words: 99,404 - Reviews: 1902 - Favs: 1,075 - Follows: 1,552 - Updated: 1/5 - Published: 6/22/2012 - Paul, Bella
Through The Window reviews
If I imprinting was less about finding that perfect some one, and more about finding that some one who makes you perfect, you never know where you might find it. Love might bring out the best in us, but first it brings out the worst. (reposting, see AN for details) SamxBella
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 36,333 - Reviews: 236 - Favs: 163 - Follows: 219 - Updated: 12/1/2013 - Published: 10/5/2013 - Bella, Sam
Fifty Words For Snow reviews
Denial was a two-faced friend, always ready to stab you in the back. Bella learned that the hard way. (Pairing to be revealed - No OC MC)
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 7 - Words: 15,057 - Reviews: 519 - Favs: 243 - Follows: 394 - Updated: 9/26/2013 - Published: 4/24/2013 - Bella
Hit and Run reviews
After crashing her car in the middle of no where,Bella is left on the ground alone, once again, in the rain, crying after another painful and crushing blow to her life. But this time, she gets up, and meets the man that will change her life. Rated M BxA
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Friendship/Romance - Chapters: 28 - Words: 98,739 - Reviews: 2627 - Favs: 1,848 - Follows: 1,290 - Updated: 8/17/2013 - Published: 6/8/2010 - Bella, Alistair - Complete
Bitterest Bullet To Bite reviews
A quick tale of chasing tail. Paul avoids Bella for years, and maybe it was for the better. Or worse. Just like marriage, which is ironic because of the whole imprinting thing. Probably not the welcome home present Bella had been expecting. A story of what could have been were things a little different. Also it's crack. Seriously.Written for The Majors Army Plot Bunny Boot Camp.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,631 - Reviews: 103 - Favs: 251 - Follows: 74 - Published: 9/8/2012 - Paul, Bella - Complete
Mood Ring reviews
When there is nothing left for Bella, she decided she wants out. Standing in front of the white house, razor blade in hand, she says good bye the only way she can think of. A bloody good bye. But who cut's there wrists at a vampires house?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 34 - Words: 81,117 - Reviews: 2050 - Favs: 2,448 - Follows: 779 - Updated: 12/10/2011 - Published: 10/1/2009 - Bella, Jasper - Complete
Five Seconds To Death reviews
She was suppose to be his, but he'd never be hers. When there is no where left to run, Jasper turns to the last hope he has, Peter. It can never be her, when it's always been him. Or can it? Confliction.Denial.And a curious newborn Bella.*SLASH* JxP-JxB ON HIATUS.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Humor - Chapters: 11 - Words: 44,216 - Reviews: 512 - Favs: 299 - Follows: 387 - Updated: 8/9/2011 - Published: 10/20/2010 - Jasper, Peter
Photographs and Gasoline reviews
"So take this photograph, and I'll take this empty frame. I won't be coming back, but you're not the one to blame." JxA but ultimate JxP M adult content
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,254 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 40 - Follows: 18 - Published: 8/6/2011 - Jasper, Peter - Complete
Eat You Up, Spit You Out reviews
He always did what ever the hell he wanted. She did as she was told. Until the day he told her not to. PeterxBella Rated M for later chapters.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,543 - Reviews: 189 - Favs: 331 - Follows: 262 - Published: 7/23/2011 - Peter, Bella - Complete
Pieces Of Me reviews
He was confused, man. Who was this human? "What the f*ck would I want with you're little f*cking human pet anyway. I don't play with my food before I eat it. Why the f*ck did you bring her here?" He spat. Little did he know, Bella would be his salvation.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 31 - Words: 82,853 - Reviews: 1354 - Favs: 1,754 - Follows: 634 - Updated: 6/7/2011 - Published: 9/21/2009 - Peter, Bella - Complete
BRIG reviews
Alistairs change from pirate to vampire to pirate vampire. This is a time-stamp fic of Hit and Run, but can be read on it's own. Rated M for semi-graphic violence, gore, and swearing. future alistair/bella, several o/cs. and pirates. and mutiny, argh.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,667 - Reviews: 36 - Favs: 64 - Follows: 28 - Published: 5/30/2011 - Alistair, Bella - Complete
Death Becomes Her reviews
He found her like that, bat in hand, smashing out the windows of the church.He wasn't hungry, but he couldn't help it. 'I like to see the pretty things burn,' She'd said. She'd be the death of him. PxB slight OOC, obvious AU, post New-Moon, O/S to be cont.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Horror/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,497 - Reviews: 67 - Favs: 234 - Follows: 193 - Published: 12/27/2010 - Bella, Peter - Complete
Twice Bitten : The SortOfSequel to OBTS reviews
Very short sequel for OBTS written for NCChris and LadyMiaF who ganged up on me and maybe begged a little. It's not actually a part of the story, more like a What If They Suddenly Remembered. So, believe it as part of the story or not, either way is fine
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,420 - Reviews: 128 - Favs: 146 - Follows: 79 - Published: 10/9/2010 - Complete
Once Bitten, Twice Shy reviews
Clinging to Angel ideals, trapped in a vampire body, with very human urges. He was very confused. Peter was an indisisive vampire with an identity crisis. Bella was jaded and self-isolated. In short they were perfect for each other. PeterXBella. Lang&Lem
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 30 - Words: 120,391 - Reviews: 2536 - Favs: 1,092 - Follows: 518 - Updated: 10/5/2010 - Published: 2/8/2010 - Peter, Bella - Complete
The Unlimited Birthday Ficlet Post! reviews
Birthday ficlets for my friends! They want it, I write it. More to come! Rated M for the possibility of swearing, foolery, f*ckery, adult things, crack, slash, and maybe some cuddlec*cking. You never know.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,708 - Reviews: 52 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 9/27/2010 - Published: 9/12/2010 - Emmett, Jasper - Complete
Awkward reviews
Embry was still as awkward as ever. Being a werewolf hadn't changed that. He was a shy, good-boy version with his own share of problems in his life. However, imprinting on Bella Swan wasn't one of them. BxEm Rated M for Lang. GIFT FOR MAGOS186!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,487 - Reviews: 217 - Favs: 534 - Follows: 245 - Updated: 8/30/2010 - Published: 3/27/2010 - Embry, Bella - Complete
Hush Little Baby reviews
Fragments of Her broken heart, trite as it sounded, were lodged in the wood. Part of her lived in these woods. Part of her died in these woods, when he followed the pieces and found her. We Don't Need No Stinkin Coven Contest Entry! LangxLemXViolence
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,218 - Reviews: 181 - Favs: 377 - Follows: 99 - Updated: 5/25/2010 - Published: 4/2/2010 - Peter, Bella - Complete
The Inside Job reviews
"There is salt on your skin from sweating. I want to lick it away, a simple slide of the tongue. I bet you taste too real. Too real to be real, though I am sure this makes no sense." Raded M for language, gore, violence, questionable consent, adult content ect. Pairing reveled at end WARNING FOR SUPER EXPLICIT GRAPHIC CONTENT. Seriously, someone suggested therapy. So Much Violence.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,527 - Reviews: 76 - Favs: 85 - Follows: 21 - Published: 4/10/2010 - Bella - Complete
Mouth reviews
Consequences be damed, they are worth it. You are worth it. You are worth the wrath I will surely incur should my mouth ever find yours again." JxB T for suggestive themes. For AriesFireQn
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,222 - Reviews: 67 - Favs: 117 - Follows: 15 - Published: 4/9/2010 - Jasper, Bella - Complete
From the Mouths of Strangers reviews
Words.Dripping with intent, like acid, from the mouths of strangers. From the mouths of lovers as you kiss them,as you lick at their lips, as if to consume the words before they can be said. Before they can consume you. O/S ExB Edwardvoice.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,138 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 5 - Published: 4/9/2010 - Complete
Alpha Fail reviews
La Push is vampire free, leaving seven teenage werewolves and there alpha nothing to do! What happens when Sam imprints on his Beta's broken leech loving best friend? Alpha Win or Alpha Fail? Looks like Sam isn't so tough after all. N/C SamXBella
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 26 - Words: 88,989 - Reviews: 2076 - Favs: 1,930 - Follows: 754 - Updated: 3/28/2010 - Published: 10/24/2009 - Sam, Bella - Complete
Foreign Territory reviews
Perhaps it was karma, who could tell. I imprints on the girl and instead of sunshine and rainbows, I get kicked in the dick. How the hell do you work with that? Brooding Sam gets bubbly Emily, and I get a female version of me!" PaulxBella AU,LanguageM
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 18,621 - Reviews: 411 - Favs: 1,103 - Follows: 576 - Updated: 3/7/2010 - Published: 2/23/2010 - Paul, Bella - Complete
Loba Bella's tale reviews
All to suddenly her world falls apart. The Rez call's to her. Edwards makes her feel sick. Jacob's looking better every day, and she's practically crawling out of her skin. "Renee? Who's my father?" BxJ M for Adult Content
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 17 - Words: 38,987 - Reviews: 653 - Favs: 1,248 - Follows: 361 - Updated: 9/30/2009 - Published: 9/9/2009 - Bella, Jacob - Complete
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