Author has written 1 story for Twilight.
Hi!, my name is Melissa and I am a Twilight addict!
I am 100% Team Edward!! :) I live in Ireland, and am pretty random, lol, feel free to brows my profile!
1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, liposuction and air conditioning.
2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans...
If you support gay marriage and want to show it, paste this into your profile.
Brilliant reading twilight story, and breaking dawn is finished but there's a story after it,(a few extra chapters in the end) :
Reading Twilight, by Choices HP: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5270310/1/Reading_Twilight
Reading New Moon, by Choices HP: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5391555/1/Reading_New_Moon
Reading Eclipse, by Choices HP: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5501456/1/Reading_Eclipse
Reading Breaking Dawn, by Choices HP: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5642358/1/Reading_Breaking_Dawn
Reading Midnight sun, by Choices HP: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5837099/1/Reading_Midnight_Sun#
After reading the books, Edward and Bella meet; Eternal Sunrise, by Choices HP: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5900421/1/#
There is also going to be some sequels to this series, so add the author to alerts, P.S. Her stories are updates every two days, always on time and always at the same time, she's amazing!!
ALSO ONE OF THE BEST STORIES ON FAN FICTION: Master of the Universe, by Snowqueens Icedragon: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5368782/1/Master_of_the_Universe
25 Things I Learnt From My Mother
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your nec k!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don 't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.
If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em.
If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em.
If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em.
If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed.
female come backs
Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Man: Your body is like temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together
Man: Your eyes they're amazing.
Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.
Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."
Man: "So, wanna go back to my place ?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"
Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."
Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not Enter"
Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"
Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"
Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Perhaps. I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys dont want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
to the top
of the tree
I cdnuolt blviee taht I cloud aulactly
uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanig. The phaonmneal
pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't
mttaer in wht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer
be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be tatol
mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wohle.
Amazing huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling
was ipomorantt! Tahts so cool!
If you could read that put it in your profile!
Why do we play at a recital, and recite at a play?
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why feet smell and noses run?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, shouldn't the plural of booth be beeth?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why does our alarm clock go off by going on?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that to stop Windows Beta, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
When you wind up a clock you start it, so why when you wind up a speech do you end it?
Why do we park on the driveway and drive on the parkway?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?
How come a wise man and a wise guy are different?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
If Vegetable Oil is made of vegetables, what is Baby Oil made of?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
Why is there no ham in hamburgers?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
And why does your house burn up while it burns down?
Why is there no apple in pineapple?
Why do we fill in a form by filling it out?
If you wonder about these questions too, copy and paste this into your profile and maybe we'll get some answers.
On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts...)
On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)
On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..)
On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to…)
On a food processor:
Not to be used for any other use.
(Now I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(No, I don’t think peanuts have nuts in them. –heavy sarcasm-)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..)
On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)
On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)
On a Vornado space heater:
Digital Vortex heat.
(oh so now I can’t even have heat only digital heat!)
YOUR REAL NAME:
2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (first 3 letters of real name plus izzle):
3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (fav color and fav animal):
4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name and current street name):
6. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite drink):
7. YOUR ARAB NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your moms maidenname, 3rd letter of you dads middle name, 1st letter of a siblings first name, last letter of your moms middle name):
8. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mothers middle name):
9. YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one your pets):