Author has written 3 stories for Harry Potter.
Name: Shane (codename grurple/grurple2)
Favourite series: Harry Potter mainly and a tonne of others...
I am a eccentric at the best of time, and can be a bit odd. Singing and dancing (I say it's dancing...), accents and talking to the telly, that's me!
1.YOUR REAL NAME: Shane
2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME:(first 3 letters of real name plus izzle): Shaizzle
3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (fav color and fav animal): Blue Wolf
4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, and current street name): William Dowden
5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, last 3 letters of mom's maiden name): Milshood
6. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite drink): Green Coffee
7. YOUR ARAB NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your moms maidenname, 3rd letter of you dads middle name, 1st letter of a siblings first name, last letter of your moms middle name): Hllaehd
8. YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one your pets): Black Silky
Things to Do in an Exam you Already Know That You are Going to Fail:
1.Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.
4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.
7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
8. Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Fuck this!" and walk out triumphantly.
15. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).
16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.
18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.
20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.
23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.
25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!
27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
31. In the middle of the test, have a friend rush into the classroom, tag your hand, and resume taking your test for you. When the teacher asks what's going on, calmly explain the rules of Tag Team Testing to him/her.
32. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."
33. Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, "Okay, let's double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C. Number three, E..."
35. Wear a superman outfit under your normal clothes. 30 minutes into the exam, jump up and answer your phone, shouting "What? I'm on my way!!". rip off your outer clothes and run out of the room. strike a pose first for added effect.
38. Bring a giant cockroach into the room and release it on a girl nearby.
40. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your paper. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour.
41. Make Strange noises... get people to stare... look at the person next to you as if he/she did it.
44. Use Invisible Ink to answer the whole exam.
45. Order catering. The catering company should come in about halfway through the test, and should include at least three waiters, eight carts of food, and five candelabras.
FUNNY THINGS TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR
1.When there's only one other person in the elvator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
2.Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
3.Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
4.Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.
5.Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"
6.Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
7.Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
8.Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an apointment.
9.Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.
10.Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.
11.Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
12.Ask, "Did you feel that?"
13.Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
14.When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"
15.Swat at flies that don't exist.
16.Tell people that you can see their aura.
17.Call out, "Group Hug!"and then enforce it.
18.Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
19.Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"
20.Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
21.Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.
22.Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
23.Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
24.Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
25.Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on".
26.Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passnegers, "This is MY personal space!"
Reason the human race has evolved thus far.
On Sears hairdryer:
On a bag of Fritos:
On a bar of Dial soap:
On some Swann frozen dinners:
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
On Nytol sleep aid:
On a Korean kitchen knife:
On a string of Christmas lights:
On a food processor:
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
On a Swedish chainsaw:
On a child's Superman costume:
WHO DOES THE WORK??
Who's working anyway?
The population of this country is 300 million.
160 million are retired.
That leaves 140 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school.
Which leaves 55 million to do the work.
Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government.
Leaving 15 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama
Which leaves 12.2 million to do the work.
Take from that total the 10.8 million people who work for state and city
And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.
Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And there you are,
At your computer, reading jokes.
Nice. Real nice.
20 Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds"
7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."
8. Don t use any punctuation
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat with a serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."
12. Sing Along At The Opera
13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and pay tropical sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you’re not in the mood.
16. Have Your Coworkers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"
18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."
20. Repost this on your very own profile!!
If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit?
Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?
if you blow in a dogs face he'll get mad at you, but take him for a car ride, and the first thing he does is stick his head out the window!
if two wrongs dont make a right, try three
whoever said nothings's impossible, they never tryed slamming a revoling door!
apparently 1 in 5 people are chinese, there are five people in my familly so it must be one of them. it's ether my mum or dad. or my older brother colin. or my younger brother ho-chan-chu. but i think it's colin.
borrow money from pessimists- they dont expect to get it back!
there are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & and those that cant.
if olive oil comes from olive's then where does baby oil come from?
if quitters never win, and winners never quit, how can it be good to 'quit while your ahead?'
whose cruel idea was it for the words 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?
how is it possible to have a civil war?
if a fork were made of gold would it still be called silver ware?
Can you make a candle out of your earwax?
"Cute as a button" Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute?
Can you breathe out of your nose and mouth at the same time?
Are marbles made of marble?
Why does the last piece of ice always stick to the bottom of the cup?
If you pay for a vacation and your plane crashes on the way there, do you get you money back? (Granted you lived
Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?
Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?
Can you get cornered in a round room?
Why do we wash behind our ears? Who really looks there?
Why don't the hairs on your arms get split ends?
If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible?
Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?
In that song, she'll be coming around the mountain, who is she?
How come we say 'It's colder than hell outside' when isn't it realistically always colder than hell since hell is supposed to be fire and brimstone?
Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat?
Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?
Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?
Why are the commercials for cable companies on cable but not on regular television? Don't they want the people without cable to buy the cable?
"Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?"
Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’?
Why is it that when things get wet they get darker, even though water is clear??
Why is it that when you get out of a swimming pool, your urine is hotter when you use the restroom
Can mute people burp?
What happens if you put this side up face down while popping microwave popcorn?
Why is chopsticks one of the easiest songs to play on the piano, but the hardest thing to eat with?
How come you play at a recital, but recite at a play?
If heat rises, then shouldn't hell be cold?
Why is there that little space inside strawberries, as if it was meant for a pit, and then the seeds are on the outside?
Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa
Do they have girl’s bathrooms in gay bars?
Why is toilet bowl cleaning liquid only blue?
Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?
Why do you go “back and forth” to town if you really must go forth before you go back?
Why do shaped macaroni taste better than the normal kind?
Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?
Why can't you get a tan on your palms?
If your sick for one week and on one of those days they had to cancel school because of snow, do you have to make up that day in June?
Why do dogs sniff other dog’s bottoms to say hello, why don’t they just bark in their face or something?
Why do companies offer you "free gifts?" Since when has a gift NOT been
If something "goes without saying," why do people still say it?
You know the expression, "Don't quit your day job?" Well what do you say to
Why do you get in trouble for blocking an exit when you're standing in the doorway? In case of an emergency, wouldn't you run out, too, therefore NOT blocking the exit?
Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down?
Why is a square meal served on round plates?
Why is the 0 on a phone after 1 and not before 1?
Which way does a compass point in space?
Why are people allowed to put naked statues outside but why can't we run outside naked?
Why do all superheroes wear spandex?
If mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?
Why did Mary own a little lamb?
If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money?
If the president were gay, would his husband be the first man?
If you were a genie and a person asked you this wish, "I wish you would not grant me this wish" what would you do?
Why are Pringles curved?
What happens if your snot freezes in your nose?
Why aren't safety pins as safe as they say they are?
If overalls are held up by the snaps at the top, then why do they have belt loops?
Why is it that its good to score under par in golf but its bad to be “under par” in any thing else?
If you've ever forgotten how old you are when someone asked you, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up
Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wright's did make an airplane
I like pigs, dogs look up to us, cats look down on us, pigs treat us as equals
Top 10 Things you don’t say to a vampire
1. I'm a virgin
2. Bite me!
3. Want something to drink?
4. I just ordered Italian!
5. What to watch Buffy?
6. I’m sure a dentist can fix those!
7. I know a good tanning salon!
8. What to come to sunrise mass with me on Sunday?
9. Can you polish my old silverware for me?
10. Want a steak? (could easy be misinterpreted)
If you have been caught dancing to the Rocky Horror Picture Show's Time Warp or any other sort of dancing in the living room late at night when you should be in bed, post this on your profile.
If you have fallen asleep at your computer only to wake to see an untold number of pages of one lone letter on a word docment because your head was on the keyboard, post this to your profile.
If you have ever ran into the house or even a tree with your bike, post this on your profile.
If you have a family member who still treats you like a 3-year-old when you're actually old enough to drive or even drink, post this on your profile.
98 of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile
93 percent of teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile.
If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you are the kind of person that gets really excited when you get like two reviews, copy this into your profile.
Copy and paste this into your profile if your 11th birthday sucked because you didn't get a letter from Hogwarts.
Copy and paste this into your profile if half of your day is spent on the computer
If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.
If you spend a lot of time wishing Hogwarts existed, copy and paste this into your account.
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile.
Someone out there either has too much spare time, or is really good at Scrabble.
THE MORSE CODE:
ELECTION - RESULTS:
A DECIMAL POINT:
ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a Cashier hand this little boy some money back.
The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old.
The Cashier said, 'I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll.'
Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?''
The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.''
Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look a round. She left quickly.
The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand.
Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.
'It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas.
She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her.'
I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry.
But he replied to me sadly. 'No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there.'
His eyes were so sad while saying this. 'My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.''
My heart nearly stopped.
The little boy looked up at me and said: 'I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall.'
Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me 'I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me.'
'I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister.'
Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.
I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. 'Suppose we check
'OK' he said, 'I hope I do have enough.' I added some of my money to his with out him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money.
The little boy said: 'Thank you God for giving me enough money!'
Then he looked at me and added, 'I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give It to my sister. He heard me!''
'I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.''
'My mommy loves white roses.'
A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket.
I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started.
I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.
Then I remembered a local news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl.
The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma.
Was this the family of the little boy?
Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the news paper that the young woman had passed away.
I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial.
She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.
I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed for ever. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine.
And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.
Now you have 2 choices:
1) Repost this message, or
If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects...copy this into your profile.
If you've ever randomly fallen out of your chair, copy this into your profile.
If you've ever fallen going up the stairs, copy this into your profile.
If you've ever pushed on a door that said pull (or Vice Versa) copy this into your profile.
If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.
If you're confused as to why most people are so obsessed with Twilight, copy this onto your profile.