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Joined 08-17-09, id: 2052422, Profile Updated: 12-29-12
Author has written 3 stories for Twilight.

I'm old enough to be your mother. Possibly your grandmother. That just makes me ill. Where the hell has my youth gone and why am I not eternally 17? Anyway, I am a mother. Maybe I'm your mother? I'm someone's mother. I've got two twenty-something children, a sweet husband of 27 years and an odd dog. They have all learned to cope with my fanfiction-addiction or ignore it. The dog is having the most success since he has the lowest expectations.

I also have a job teaching that takes too much time away from Twilight fan-fiction which is my own personal brand of heroin. (Naturally!) And Edward is my own personal brand of Ecstasy. (Well, duh! that's why we're all here, isn't it?)

Never wrote an essay in my life that was longer than about twenty pages, never wrote any kind of fiction of any length until I discovered fan fiction. I never would have guessed I had this within me. I love language, vocabulary, and playing with words. I love humor. I can't help myself. I believe in a Happily Edward After. Every. Single. Time.

Happy Holidays from FFSGSG Santa's Helper Hatrackward! (and the ever-so-lovely coppertop!)

http://i1205.photobucket.com/albums/bb422/bannerday/EdwardSanta_zpsd4921a2d.jpg

Twi-Holic68 is my bannergirl. I have my Twi-Ho to thank for the following lovely banners. Check them out!

Fan Fiction, Sex Gods and Single Girls

http://i1205.photobucket.com/albums/bb422/bannerday/Fanfiction-sex-gods-and-single-girls-banner.jpg

Blockbusters, High School Grads and Sophomore Girls (Outtake of FFSGSG for Fandom4LL)

http://i1205.photobucket.com/albums/bb422/bannerday/blockbusters-High-School-Grads-and-sophomore-girls_128-the_one.jpg

From Hate to Heat (Bella's Star-fic fauxfic):

http://i1205.photobucket.com/albums/bb422/bannerday/from-hate-to-heat-2.jpg

Your FFSGSG tote bag and (most of!) its contents (courtesy of the one and only Twi-Ho!):

http://i1205.photobucket.com/albums/bb422/bannerday/Merry-Christmas-Love-Bannerday.jpg

Tomato Soup Awards:

Best Assholeward: http://i1205.photobucket.com/albums/bb422/bannerday/be95d1a2.jpg

Best Esme: http://i1205.photobucket.com/albums/bb422/bannerday/eaab410a.jpg

Best Carlisle: http://i1205.photobucket.com/albums/bb422/bannerday/a15d5c31.jpg

Story You Drop Everything to Read http://i1205.photobucket.com/albums/bb422/bannerday/2b459eb0.jpg

Most Involved/Detailed Plotline:http://i1205.photobucket.com/albums/bb422/bannerday/5b8be535.jpg

Quickest Updater: http://i1205.photobucket.com/albums/bb422/bannerday/96d77c9b.jpg

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The Diva Diaries by KiyaRaven reviews
*TAKEN DOWN. MANY APOLOGIES.* Dear Diary, When he left, I became numb. Safe in a bubble of denial and bitterness. Now, he's back, and I've agreed to be his co-star in a new Broadway play. Obviously, if there were a Nation of Stupid People, I would be their Queen. A/H
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 2 - Words: 5,419 - Reviews: 12681 - Favs: 6,074 - Follows: 5,415 - Updated: 3/3 - Published: 2/28/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Slowest Burn by TypoKween reviews
"I don't even realize that the air has gotten hazy. Or that it smells like skunk, or that amidst the clouds of smoke, leaning against the wall is Edward Cullen." - AH, E/B, Lemons.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 37 - Words: 317,822 - Reviews: 6788 - Favs: 6,007 - Follows: 6,925 - Updated: 7/17/2013 - Published: 6/12/2011 - Bella, Edward
Words with Strangers by Nolebucgrl reviews
EPOV Companion Piece to Words with Friends. Movie star Edward Cullen is done with women and focused on his career. A stranger reaches out to him via Words with Friends. Will her words change his mind?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 52 - Words: 306,499 - Reviews: 13387 - Favs: 4,150 - Follows: 3,371 - Updated: 4/20/2013 - Published: 7/13/2011 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Words with Friends by Nolebucgrl reviews
Bella Swan has a major crush on a major star, Edward Cullen. They have an obsession with the same game. Can they connect through Words with Friends and become more than that? Rated M.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 62 - Words: 353,055 - Reviews: 19216 - Favs: 7,951 - Follows: 6,556 - Updated: 4/20/2013 - Published: 4/16/2011 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Caged by Savage7289 reviews
This is not made for TV. This is the raw, brutal underground of no-holds-barred combat. Inside the cage there is nothing but me and the pain I inflict on those who dare enter. In the cage, I never had to worry about anyone but myself. When she started standing outside of it, everything changed. I was no longer fighting for the money or the glory – I had to fight for her.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 34 - Words: 252,923 - Reviews: 11297 - Favs: 5,465 - Follows: 4,671 - Updated: 3/15/2013 - Published: 7/13/2012 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Inside Man by ooza reviews
With his parole fast approaching, inmate Edward Masen is looking for a friend. College student Bella Swan stumbles across his profile on a prison pen-pal website. Their friendship is formed over written words, but will it last once he rejoins her world?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Friendship/Romance - Chapters: 53 - Words: 89,972 - Reviews: 12465 - Favs: 5,894 - Follows: 5,949 - Updated: 2/23/2013 - Published: 6/1/2011 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Last Tango in Forks by AwesomeSauce76 reviews
Bella Swan has spent a lifetime putting everyone else's needs before her own. Could a chance encounter with a mysterious stranger begin to change all of that? AU/AH
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 33 - Words: 189,639 - Reviews: 16098 - Favs: 8,620 - Follows: 5,652 - Updated: 1/12/2013 - Published: 4/23/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Hit By Destiny by ocdmess reviews
Bella wants to die, and almost gets her wish fulfilled when she gets hit by a shiny Volvo. She is left with serious injuries, and the only thing keeping her from dying is the person who hit her. All Human, Rated M for language, dark themes & violence.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 59 - Words: 463,685 - Reviews: 19920 - Favs: 11,226 - Follows: 6,802 - Updated: 11/29/2012 - Published: 10/24/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
La canzone della Bella Cigna by philadelphic reviews
A famous voice teacher. A mysterious piano prodigy. Backstabbing classmates. Music school is competitive, and aspiring singer Bella Swan is determined to succeed. Hard work she can handle, but who expected music school to be dangerous? A story in 3 acts
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 45 - Words: 336,125 - Reviews: 7249 - Favs: 4,080 - Follows: 3,742 - Updated: 11/9/2012 - Published: 6/9/2009 - Edward, Bella
Fall to Ruin One Day by sleepyvalentina reviews
He wanted to be the most powerful man on earth. As far as she was concerned, he already was. Love. Longing. A decade of regret. Time changes nothing...or does it?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 48 - Words: 108,885 - Reviews: 8829 - Favs: 4,242 - Follows: 3,589 - Updated: 11/4/2012 - Published: 3/1/2010 - Complete
A Pound of Flesh by jaxon22 reviews
To pay a debt she owes her father, Isabella Swan starts a new job as a prison tutor. Edward Cullen, with his own debts, is the Punk Ass inmate in her class. Can they fight the odds and their dangerous attaction to learn from each other? A/H, Lemons, OOC
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 47 - Words: 517,119 - Reviews: 21187 - Favs: 10,291 - Follows: 7,878 - Updated: 10/1/2012 - Published: 4/26/2010 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Plight Thee My Troth by Gingerandgreen reviews
England, 1795. Lord Edward Masen and Miss Isabella Swan promise to love one another for all time; but will the harsh realities of life allow two souls from very different backgrounds to fulfil their vows? EPOV, AH
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 29 - Words: 160,023 - Reviews: 3597 - Favs: 1,800 - Follows: 1,659 - Updated: 9/16/2012 - Published: 9/4/2011 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Dog Star by spanglemaker9 reviews
One choice is made and everything changes. Paths diverge, lead astray, and still lead home. AU.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 23 - Words: 117,511 - Reviews: 3494 - Favs: 1,298 - Follows: 1,097 - Updated: 9/8/2012 - Published: 5/5/2012 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Win Some, Lose Some by Savage7289 reviews
Disorder has always been an issue for me - I just can't stand the unexpected. Everything in my life has been turned upside down, and I have no one to turn to. Do I? Quick Fic. EPOV. M
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 75 - Words: 108,875 - Reviews: 15024 - Favs: 2,911 - Follows: 2,281 - Updated: 8/22/2012 - Published: 3/13/2012 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Grasping Darkness by KiyaRaven reviews
She dreams of darkness. Lust. Passion. The man she fantasizes about has it all, especially the darkness. The problem is, he's not really a man. Rated M for language & dark themes.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Suspense/Romance - Chapters: 29 - Words: 267,922 - Reviews: 8237 - Favs: 5,482 - Follows: 4,132 - Updated: 4/13/2012 - Published: 10/31/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Dear Mr Masen by jendonna reviews
"Error 434: Reprimanding an executive." Life changing or just stupid? Dear Mr. Masen: A story of unauthorized Internet usage, culinary delights and the goings-on at Cullen, Inc. AH, ExB.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 25 - Words: 127,500 - Reviews: 12815 - Favs: 7,349 - Follows: 6,130 - Updated: 2/14/2012 - Published: 11/17/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Last Friday Night by amandac3 reviews
Whipped cream flavored vodka, Justin Bieber, skinny dipping & Birthday Sex! Spend 24 hours in the life of Edward Masen. While celebrating their dirty thirty, twins Edward and Jasper, and their bestie, Emmett, carve a path of destruction through the city.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 25 - Words: 79,964 - Reviews: 691 - Favs: 576 - Follows: 303 - Updated: 1/31/2012 - Published: 7/9/2011 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Breaking News by WriteOnTime reviews
Two network news anchors. One desk. In a race to get the story, love might become the headline - if they don't kill each other first. AH Canon Couples, smart people, particle physics, and tap dancing.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 26 - Words: 182,215 - Reviews: 7047 - Favs: 5,098 - Follows: 4,022 - Updated: 1/3/2012 - Published: 10/5/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Unexpected Circumstances by Savage7289 reviews
When a knight from another kingdom wins his choice of bride, he claims the handmaid instead of the princess. Isabella finds herself married and tossed into the middle of political schemes. What happens when she can't give him the one thing he must have?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 39 - Words: 245,857 - Reviews: 24860 - Favs: 11,476 - Follows: 8,094 - Updated: 11/11/2011 - Published: 11/22/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Second Chances Never Looked So Good by eifeltwr reviews
Bella and Edward met their senior year of high school, both liked each other but neither did anything about it. Nine years later Edward requests to be Bella's friend on Facebook. Can they get the second chance they both are craving?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 13 - Words: 84,107 - Reviews: 542 - Favs: 558 - Follows: 593 - Updated: 9/8/2011 - Published: 11/22/2009 - Bella, Edward
Offside by Savage7289 reviews
Edward's the star keeper for the Forks High School soccer team, and is already being scouted by leagues overseas. Bella's just moved from Phoenix and interferes with his…focus. Soccerward lives! Rated M for the good stuff, of course.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 125 - Words: 170,098 - Reviews: 33025 - Favs: 6,299 - Follows: 4,032 - Updated: 8/30/2011 - Published: 5/30/2011 - Edward, Bella - Complete
It Happened One Night by spanglemaker9 reviews
Just one night, just for fun, no strings and no expectations. Simple things never stay that way.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 12 - Words: 70,526 - Reviews: 3997 - Favs: 3,734 - Follows: 2,766 - Updated: 8/3/2011 - Published: 4/27/2011 - Edward, Bella - Complete
A Quiet Fire by Magnolia822 reviews
"But true love is a durable fire, In the mind ever burning, never sick, never old, never dead, From itself never turning." Ten years after a tragedy parted them, childhood friends Edward and Bella meet again. Can what was lost be recovered? E/B Some OOC
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 34 - Words: 175,175 - Reviews: 8240 - Favs: 4,907 - Follows: 2,801 - Updated: 5/5/2011 - Published: 10/27/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Facebook Friends by GreenPuma reviews
Bella is shocked when her sexy but standoffish lab partner, Edward, friends her on Facebook. Will Alice, convince her to accept Edward's friend request? Or will she write it off as a prank of the conceited, spoiled rich kid she knows him to be?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 18 - Words: 78,603 - Reviews: 3554 - Favs: 4,445 - Follows: 3,360 - Updated: 4/23/2011 - Published: 8/26/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
There Will Be Blood by johnnyboy7 reviews
Edward Cullen,25,the son of a Chicago mob boss. He is second-in-command, cold and dangerous. Bella Swan,18,small town girl who has just enrolled as a freshman at Northwestern. A story about how love can survive in the cruelest of worlds.Very OCC.Rated M.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Crime - Chapters: 48 - Words: 368,286 - Reviews: 12178 - Favs: 8,636 - Follows: 3,962 - Updated: 2/21/2011 - Published: 7/6/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Stranger Than Fiction by MasenVixen reviews
Six years after Edward left, Bella's written a bestselling book about a girl and the vampire who loves her. Edward returns to her, hell-bent on recapturing the happily ever after that he destroyed. AU. Rated M for lemons.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 28 - Words: 140,407 - Reviews: 8671 - Favs: 7,133 - Follows: 4,791 - Updated: 1/23/2011 - Published: 1/2/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
High Anxiety by EdwardsBloodType reviews
Cute, trendy Bella returns home to escape the heartache of her past. She immediately befriends neighbors Jasper and Edward, bonding with them in the treehouse out back. Bella and Edward discover they have more in common than they ever dreamed of. AH A/U
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 45 - Words: 538,967 - Reviews: 21114 - Favs: 11,572 - Follows: 7,318 - Updated: 1/18/2011 - Published: 7/16/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Evening the Score by DH78 reviews
Bella is a relationship-weary sports journalist. Edward is a playboy, ex-pat American soccer player in London. When they meet, will they connect or kill each other?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 20 - Words: 103,266 - Reviews: 1657 - Favs: 2,553 - Follows: 1,102 - Updated: 1/16/2011 - Published: 7/7/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Wedding Party by spanglemaker9 reviews
The perfect person appears at the worst possible moment, and one unforgettable encounter changes everything. AH
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 33 - Words: 192,619 - Reviews: 9217 - Favs: 6,008 - Follows: 3,590 - Updated: 11/3/2010 - Published: 4/1/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Blessing and the Curse by The Black Arrow reviews
By pretending she is falling for Edward, Bella is fulfilling Esme's dying wish. But sexy, possessive Edward can read her mind. Will she ever get into his? Can Bella forget the pain of her teenage years, and can she resist his relentless seduction? AH.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 22 - Words: 140,448 - Reviews: 14087 - Favs: 14,618 - Follows: 8,103 - Updated: 9/10/2010 - Published: 5/31/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Legendary by WhatsMyNomDePlume reviews
COMPLETE. Preternaturally irresistible, devastatingly charming Edward Cullen seems to have some strange power over the females in Forks…and Bella is scared she might know just what it is.M for language & naughty fun. Part mystery, part drama, all Edward.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Mystery/Romance - Chapters: 11 - Words: 53,788 - Reviews: 1879 - Favs: 2,490 - Follows: 1,153 - Updated: 9/8/2010 - Published: 11/16/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
The Port Angeles Players by WriteOnTime reviews
New in the town of Forks and eager to please her boss at the university, Bella auditions for a local production of Shakespeare's "Much Ado About Nothing". Her co-star is a handsome but confusing local doctor. Curtains-up on love. AH canon pairings.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 28 - Words: 170,459 - Reviews: 4535 - Favs: 3,703 - Follows: 1,526 - Updated: 8/29/2010 - Published: 3/11/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
For the Summer by camoozle reviews
Every year Bella waits for the 'Pay Checks' to roll into her sleepy river town and every year Edward's hers, just for the summer. AH, AU, OOC, B/E
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 19 - Words: 176,780 - Reviews: 8737 - Favs: 7,244 - Follows: 3,823 - Updated: 8/19/2010 - Published: 4/30/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Midnight Desire by Twilightzoner reviews
An All Human parody of Midnight Sun. AH, AU and consequently OOC. No blood lust - just uncontrollable human lust. Smut filled fun . . .
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Parody/Romance - Chapters: 26 - Words: 89,654 - Reviews: 5319 - Favs: 6,725 - Follows: 3,287 - Updated: 7/1/2010 - Published: 7/13/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Lift Me Up by dariachenowith reviews
They say you should never judge a book by its cover, but this is easier said than done. FGB 09 story, canon fluff with some spicy snark, E/B, AU/AH. Rated M for lemons & language
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 18 - Words: 56,293 - Reviews: 782 - Favs: 282 - Follows: 145 - Updated: 6/27/2010 - Published: 5/24/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Only Human by Amethyst Jackson reviews
Complete. A wish sends Bella back in time to Chicago, 1918, and to a human Edward. This story is baby-free.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 28 - Words: 60,635 - Reviews: 5895 - Favs: 9,434 - Follows: 2,416 - Updated: 4/7/2010 - Published: 6/1/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Faking It by spanglemaker9 reviews
Half of Hollywood's most famous couples are faking it. That's how Bella Swan's publicist convinces her to pretend to date troubled Hollywood bad boy Edward Cullen. And she'll do anything for her band and her music.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 32 - Words: 144,679 - Reviews: 5636 - Favs: 8,976 - Follows: 3,007 - Updated: 10/30/2009 - Published: 6/20/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Stay by crimsonmarie reviews
As an actor, Edward Cullen is surrounded by people that he couldn't really care less about. What happens when he buys a house in the middle of nowhere and meets his new neighbors? AH, AU, ExB, rated M for future chapters and language.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 38 - Words: 276,486 - Reviews: 5483 - Favs: 7,883 - Follows: 2,856 - Updated: 6/27/2009 - Published: 12/30/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
A World Without Sound by The Romanticidal Edwardian reviews
AU, BxE. My name is Bella Swan; good at sign language and karate. My best friend is deaf, and you know what? It doesn't matter. Won twice at Twilight Awards, and has been nominated more. Please review!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 22 - Words: 105,849 - Reviews: 7609 - Favs: 8,673 - Follows: 2,446 - Updated: 9/27/2008 - Published: 6/1/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Fan Fiction, Sex Gods and Single Girls reviews
*NOW WITH AN OUTTAKE* After a mortifying first meeting, fanfiction writer and new teacher, Bella, finds fic inspiration in her distracting, hot-headed, player-of-a-neighbor, Edward. But she shouldn't judge a book by its cover and she just might faint when she discovers who's reading her new fic! Art imitates life imitates art. A fic in a fic. AH/Canon Couples/UST/Humor/Lust/Love
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 71 - Words: 534,490 - Reviews: 20792 - Favs: 5,240 - Follows: 5,775 - Updated: 1/12 - Published: 6/21/2011 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Transfer reviews
Bella transfers to the Univ of WA; to a dorm with the Twilight gang. She runs into Edward her first day, leaving him on the ground & her things littered about. Sometimes you find what you didn't know you were looking for. AH, BPOV/EPOV, humor and hotness.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 73 - Words: 542,608 - Reviews: 3848 - Favs: 2,343 - Follows: 1,452 - Updated: 7/9/2011 - Published: 9/28/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
One Stupid Thing reviews
ON HIATUS FOR NOW 16 yr old Bella became 13 yr old Edward's secret-older-woman-crush. It's 10 years later and he's still crushing. She is about to marry the wrong man. Can he convince her there is another choice? Will Fate intervene? Maybe both...E&B POV
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 11 - Words: 69,267 - Reviews: 333 - Favs: 242 - Follows: 281 - Updated: 6/17/2011 - Published: 3/29/2011