Author has written 2 stories for Twilight, and Ender's Game series.
Hello, and if you by some miracle have missed the huge block letters at the top of this page, I am Broomstyx. Why the stupid name, you ask? Because I made it up a long time ago and I'm too lazy to change it. Anyway, I've written one story on Twilight. Its a rant about how bad I think it is, so Twilight fans beware!
An (Extremely) Brief Autobiography
Now, unlike many other people on this site, I am not, in fact, ADHD, ADD, hyperactive, insane, schizophrenic, homicidal, or even mildly interesting. The most exciting thing that has happened to me lately is that I found out I had a C+ in math, and that wasn't even unexpected. I do not live in the slums of New York, living off bread crusts, nor do I live in Beverly Hills, tanning beside my kidney-shaped pool, I live in a middle class, general suburban neighborhood, where the biggest danger is getting your car's tire stuck in a pothole.
General Whining on my Part
Mary Sues and/or Gary Stus: Seriously people! If you want to create your own character so badly, at least develop it properly! And I know all you tween fangirls out there think your are being so original, but I can spell out the basic recipe for all Mary Sues out there. Perfect at absolutely everything, shiny blue/green/silver/gold/purple hair, huge multicolored eyes, and a chest with it's own gravity field. If your character matches this description, please dispose of it and leave the world of fanfiction. Go on. Shoo!
Chat Speak: You, yes you, in the Jonas Brothers tee shirt, the one popping the gum, you know who you are. If you write another LOL or OMG, I will track you down and EAT YOU. And your families for good measure, for raising you without proper grammar.
Stupid Flames: Now, notice I did not just say Flames. A Flame, when it is constructive, and tells the writer what they did wrong, which is, in my opinion, a good thing. Some idiot in the middle of Alaska writing "THIS FANFIC SUCKS GO DIE" achieves absolutely nothing. All you are doing is hurting the author, who, no matter how utterly deplorable their writing is, feels proud of their story. Think of it this way, they were brave enough to actually post their story, for the whole world to see.
Twilight: I honestly don't even have the energy to hate it anymore. In the beginning, I'll admit, I loved it.( I was young and impressionable) then, I switched sides and started to hate it(If you haven't already noticed, I wrote a fic describing in great detail just how much I hated it). Now, I just show up at the Twitard vs. Twi-Hater fights with a bag of popcorn and a root beer to watch it all pan out(trust me, it's funnier than reality television).
Draco Malfoy fangirls: Fangirls, in general, are quite a frightening species, but this particular sub-category has always worried me. Because no matter how angsty you make him , and how much of a "tortured soul" he is, Draco is NOT a good person. He's a coward and a greedy one at that. And I know all you are all thinking "But, he was just raised that way, and he was probably abused by Lucius as a child." But as you see from the books, he never, switched sides or made even the slightest effort to be good. And as much as I love the Draco-goes-good fics(I'm actually thinking about writing one myself) I know they could never happen. It makes me wonder what kind of guys these fangirls will go for in their futures, it truly concerns me.
Bad Slash: Just let me say this first, I have nothing against slash. Slash can be brilliant when its well written... but it also has an astonishing quality to be completely horrible. This is attributed to the fact that most slash is written as a twisted sexual outlet for horny preteen fangirls-shudder-. Just dear lord, keep the smut to a MINIMUM, please, I'm begging here. Another thing, PLEASE do not play the game of "Lets Stick Two Hawt Male Characters Together and See What Happens!!" It doesn't work. At all.
Rose/Scorpius: Its good sometimes, but in the name of John Lennon(may he rest in peace), PLEASE do not allude to Romeo and Juliet in it, yes, we all know, they are both lovers torn apart by their parents, just get on with it!
Ron/Hermione: But ONLY when its funny. A serious Ron/Hermione is like a sane Twilight fangirl, or a well-rounded Mary Sue, it simply does not work.
Remus/Sirius: In this pairing, its good to really exaggerate their personalities. Make Sirius completely insane, and Remus a goody-two shoes. But remember, balance it out, if you make Sirius jump-off-a-cliff, foaming-at-the-mouth crazy, Remus has to be as icy as a glacier.
Artemis/Holly: If your really, really good, you can pull it off, but in most cases its just gross. Come on, an eighty year old elf and a human teenager? Its creepy.
Artemis/Minerva: I actually like this pairing. The only thing I can think of to get in the way is that they are so similar, they might have a personality clash.
Nico/Any Other Female: Yes, I admit it, I am a Nico fangirl -hangs head in shame- but he's just becomes so cool in the fourth and fifth books, with his aviator jacket and "son-of the-god -of -the-dead" image, its just so hard NOT to like him.
Lord of the Rings
Romance just doesn't work here. Everyone is already hooked up by the end, and the entire section is infused with horrible Legolas/Mary Sue fics. I suppose I'm Eowyn/Faramir, because I love both their characters...
Mark/Courtney: It just makes SO much more sense than Bobby/Courtney. I mean, they barely interact until what, the sixth or seventh book? Bobby is out saving-Halla-in-some-awesome-super-cool-way while Courtney stays with Mark. Plus, I just honestly like Mark's character more than Bobby's.
I'd just like to say that I think there are WAY too few Enderverse stories. Last I checked, there were eleven, ELEVEN!? Seriously people, does ANYONE read the classics anymore? And I'm not just saying that from my own opinion, Ender's Game won the freakin' Nebula Award AND the Hugo Award, and yet nobody at all seems to even know it exists! Sorry, rant over.
Valentine/Jatk: I'd just like to see how they fell in love, 'cuz Orson Scott Card is not known for the lovey dovey stuff.
Miro/Jane: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I DO know she's a computer and he's human, but you forget that this is FANFICTION!! Anything is possible!!
I just thought this was funny...
The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here."
The black man turned around and stood up.
He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?"