Author has written 10 stories for Necessary Roughness, Hawaii Five-0, Eyeshield 21, Harry Potter, and Perception.
Hi my names Sam, and my whole family and freinds say I have a different way of thinking(family)/insane(freinds and brother).
Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today?
I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works.
That man is crulley depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
When I look into your eyes I see stright through to the back of your head.
Whom am I calling "stupid"? Good question. I don't know. What is your name?
How can you love nature when it did that to you?
Hey weren't you the poster child for birth control?
You are not permited to kill a women who has injured you, but nothing forbids you from reflecting that she is growing older every minute. -- Ambrose Bierce
Brigands demand your money or your life; women require both.-- Samuel Butler
The nine most terrifying words in the English Language are: "I'm from the government and I'm here to help."-- Ronald Regan
Lady Astor, to Churchill: "Winston, if you were my husband, I should flavor your coffee with poison."
Churchill: "Madam, if I were your husband I should drink it."
Copy and Paste
98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile.
Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!
If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile
If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile
If you or your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile
If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy this to your profile. LOTS OF PEOPLE
If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.
If you have embarrasing memories that make you want to smack yourself/ someone else, copy this into your profile.
92 of the teenage population would die if Abercrombie and Fitch, American Eagle, or Hollister decided breathing was uncool. Paste this onto your profile if you are one of the 8 that would be laughing hysterically instead.
98 of teens say "I love you" and don't mean it...I am one of the 2 that do mean it. If you are too, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you've ever had random loud singing outbursts in public, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile. ( I do, and it grows all the time. Soon it will consume your world, too)
"I'm bringing sexy back..." Copy and paste this into your profile if you never even knew sexy was gone.
If you have ever copy and pasted something into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.
If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.
If they are right... copy and paste this into your profile.
If you are obsessed with any band copy this into your profile.
My best friend is insane! If you agree, or if you have an insane friend, then copy this to your profile.
If you think that Writer's Block sucks, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile.
If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.
Nerds are cool. Nerds are smart. Nerds will one day rule the universe. If you're a nerd and proud of it, copy this into your profile.
I do not do drugs. I do sugar. If you're someone who does sugar, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever burned any sort of food in the microwave, oven, toaster, or on the stove, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever cried when your favorite character in a movie, T.V show, or book died, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you hate those obnoxious snobby people PLEASE copy and paste this into your profile.
If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you get a kick out of fire, fireworks, explosions, and things that burn or go boom, copy and paste this into your profile!
We have women in the military, but they don’t put us in the front lines. They don’t know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, ‘You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms’
The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.
Favorite Lines From Stories:
‘I will shoot you and use the power of the squints to cover it up.” - Special Agent Cuddles Booth
61. The Sharingan's ultimate weakness is not porn, and Kakashi will not fall dead if you keep on sending him the Icha Icha books. We don't know how you got the Kumo nin to believe that, but we would advise you disillusion them rapidly. -Things Team Nineteen Are No Longer Allowed To Do
81. You should not know the name of the Head of ANBU, but should you ever come into this knowledge you are not allowed to spraypaint “Haha, your security suxx0rs, -name censored-! We totally found out your name! ANBU failz at life! LOLZ” on the HQ doors.-Things Team Nineteen Are No Longer Allowed To Do
82. Put the kitten down Ibiki.-Things Team Nineteen Are No Longer Allowed To Do
87. ...Why is the Mizukage trying to buy you, Iruka?-Things Team Nineteen Are No Longer Allowed To Do
91. Iruka, you are no longer allowed anywhere near Uchiha Shisui.-Things Team Nineteen Are No Longer Allowed To Do
93. You are not entitled to grief leave because your fish died, Ibiki.-Things Team Nineteen Are No Longer Allowed To Do
94. Or your dog.-Things Team Nineteen Are No Longer Allowed To Do
95. Systematically killing your way through a variety of animals and then trying to claim they were pets and close to your heart will not make us change our minds.-Things Team Nineteen Are No Longer Allowed To Do
108. Ibiki. No. Just- no.-Things Team Nineteen Are No Longer Allowed To Do
117. Don’t ever pretend to be a psychiatrist again Iruka. Ever.-Things Team Nineteen Are No Longer Allowed To Do
118. While we empathise with your desire to be free of your genin, Ibiki, you are not entitled to auction them off to foreign nations.-Things Team Nineteen Are No Longer Allowed To Do
119. We don’t want to know where you have a tattoo Kotetsu. We would also like to inform you that the Hokage’s secretary is a fully trained ANBU and at last count has sent in twenty four request forms for your termination. - Things Team Nineteen Are No Longer Allowed To Do
179. Enemy ninjas are not required to fill out any bureaucratic forms before they kill you. We are admittedly quite impressed that you managed to convince them of this, though.-Things Team Nineteen Are No Longer Allowed To Do
Looking at their mother he gulped at the murderous expression on her face. Scary just found its way into the Uchiha vocabulary, because there was no other way to describe the sudden fear that coursed through him. Suddenly, he knew why Kisame had run away. - NinjaMiko Love (great one-shots)
She wanted to toss a paper bomb at the lot of them and watch them run around screaming just so she could laugh evilly and say, "Dance pupets, dance."- caliko's love story
It was just as he opened his mouth to speak to them again when he heard a blood curtling scream coming from somewhere on the campus, and shivered before turning around and deciding that he would go find a priest, the two girls were obviousdly in need of expert care from the church. It was a great day for an excercisim.-caliko's love story
An uncharacteristically disturbed Hatake Kakashi leveled an accusing finger at the leader of his village, stating, “You are a bad man.”
The one-eyed nin then leveled a finger at Umino Iruka as well, remarking, “And you… …you’re the friend of a bad man.”-Lessons of Experience
John glanced over. Looked like a typical power-mad villain, too busy ordering his followers to vaporize anything that moved to realize that black robes and white masks hadn’t been in style for about a few centuries. Not that the blue ones the redhead beanpole and his sister were wearing looked any better. -Die Hard: With A Pension
"Zabuza I thinks she has planed to rip off you finger nails and toe nails and hang you up-side down naked in the center of Kiri just because you sent her there." Haku said not even looking up from his reading.- Expect the unexpected
I took a determined step in front of me before I tripped over a root, landing flat onto my face "FUCK!" I stood up and yelled to the sky "THAT DOESN'T COUNT!" Before I fell over the same root again "…fucking Kami hates me…"-STUPID WELL!
"YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE! I'LL SET MYSELF ON FIRE BEFORE YOUUAAAG…!" The dramatic and desperate escape attempt was shot down quickly and efficiently, ending in a red-haired, green-eyed girl in the hands of the enemy – professional medical personnel.-There's This Saying About Curosity
Holly felt that those goodie-two-shoes with their 'You'll only make it worse!', 'Watch your stitches!' and 'It is physically impossible for you in that state to go anywhere, let alone take care of yourself!' alarmist bullshit were forever fated to be her Mortal Enemy… well, besides Riddle, and Death Eaters, and the people she pisses off, and those vampires she ran into in York that one time… ahem, yes, her Mortal Enemies with their prodding and their 'this is for your own good' righteous spiels! Rawrr, they wouldn't get their disinfected hands on this girl!!-There's This Saying About Curosity
Harry didn't know what happened next and he hoped he never would. Using the finely honed instincts he'd developed through years of combat with Voldemort and his death eaters. Allowing his eyes to roll up into his head, Harry passed out and slid under the table.-Odd Ideas
"Bad Dragon." Harry smacked the giant lizard on the nose with a rolled up newspaper. "No," he said firmly. The crowd watched in shock as the bewildered dragon shank back submissively. "You've just got to be firm with them," Harry explained as he reached up to scratch the dragon behind one of the horns.-Odd Ideas
Shit, I killed him. Now I have to dump the body.-Tame Me
Yeah, that's a person in there. I better stick around to make sure the poor fellow doesn't drown once she drops him into the river.-Tame Me
She didn't feel like re killing and dumping his body in the river so she had no choice but to take both him and the kitten home with her. Yipee.-Tame Me
And then there was Gai; he would like to sink his fangs into his leg a time or two to convey his dislike for the man, but he was afraid that Gai would just shake it off and see it as a bonding experience.-second chances
He didn't count the time last year Hermione was giving birth, and Ron and he had unwisely decided to stay and support Hermione during the painful process. Ron had fainted as soon as the baby's head became visible. Harry soon followed him on the floor. But if you asked either of them, the whole incident had never occurred. Anyone who said otherwise was just begging to be Lockhart-ed.-Schooled
Dead silence ensues. James and Lily simultaneously tilt their heads to stare up at the ceiling...clearly asking a higher power to erase their daughter's reply from their minds. Based on their expressions, Severus, Remus, Frank, and Alice's mental states are not much better then James and Lily's.-Sirry Drabble Series
"Babies, dad. Babies. And they are fine. Feeding off of my chakra like the little soul sucking vampires they are." Kyubbi snickered. That was too funny.-second chances
"I think I was anally probed by an alien that was trying to pass himself off as Elvis…" Kakashi said as he looked down and for the first time that morning noticed that his pants were gone. Oh dear god. What happened last night? "Say do any of you know where my pants are?" Kakashi started to sob. Sarutobi, and Iruka both shook their heads. "Okay, thanks. I think I need to go home, and….get some pants." Kakashi said as he finally broke down and started to cry as he stood up and went out the window. Tsunade couldn't hold herself together. This was just too funny. She knew that ninja's were eccentric by nature but this was too much. She would use this later to screw with their heads.
"Alright. Lets do this then. I'll be the mommy, you be the daddy. And dear I'm not sure how to say this but I want a divorce. Oh, look at that the house is mine, go away." She said quickly as she pushed him out of his seat, he was laughing so hard he didn't have the strength to fight back. The red head next to them started laughing his ass off making them both glare at him.-unleashed
"Sakura, I'm sorry but you failed this excercise. You will be sent back to the acadamy, or you will be banned form the program all together." Kakashi said as the clock that he had brought with him to time the kids went off indicating that it was noon. Ibiki showed up a second or so later. Scaring the hell out of Kakashi since the man appeared behind him and lightly trailed his fingers along the nape of his neck to get him to jump out of his skin. Then grinned when the copy nin screamed and scrambled away from his former seat looking a bit green around the gills as he glared at Ibiki.-offering my heart
Sauske rarely did anything that could endanger, or upset Naru. At first Kakashi chalked it up to good team dynamics, but that was'nt really the case at all. Sauske genuinly liked the girl. Not as in like, like. But as in, 'hey your my new best friend/rival lets beat the shit out of eachother now, and laugh about it over lunch while we bleed'.-ofeering my heart
"MEOW..." Baby said as she walked over to Uzu and in a lightning fast move scratched her on the leg gave her a 'Take that bitch' look and walked to the end of the hall and sat down as if she had never done anything at all.-acidental companions
"OH MY GOD, my dear wife had had a twin son but accidentally kept the evil one, I should've know by the very sight of his devil coloured hair." Isshin shouted, pointing accusingly at Ichigo.-True Heart
Kakashi was unconscious in a pool of blood his body twitching slightly. "What happened to him?" Kagome asked the kids as she poked Kakashi with a stick repeatedly.-stupid well
Turning, Kagome braced herself against Sesshoumaru's muzzle before she realized what she was holding on to and moved hastily back. "Right," she said to the glaring red eye that was almost as large as she was and was down at her level. "You want me to run. Do I get a head start?"-poddle allergies
-Both males were still sitting on the branch watching the two women talk softly to themselves, patiently waiting to see if their cover was blown. They both started to sweat, not that they would ever admit it even under torture, as they saw Sakura pick up the boulder and test its weight.
And with an easy throw, Sakura heave it in their direction.-Working in Progress-
No one but Itachi noticed that the cave was one boulder short when they set out in the morning.-working in progress
-Kakashi, Naruto, Gaara, and Sasuke saw Harry sitting in front of the kitchen door holding a dusty sword.
"I hate dust bunnies."-Gaara's New Family
Hiashi looked down at his daughter, slightly uncomfortably. He had thought his daughter was weak, but after what she had done to that Chuunin instructor…Hiashi began mentally damning his own bloodline for being made to not allow their eyes to show any emotions. Hinata was starting to scare him with that stare. He moved slightly, so as to protect his own Happy Place if needed.-Gaara's New Family
"Boo," he said, stopping the shinobi by tripping him and grabbing Naruto before he hit the ground, "This blonde's mine. Go get your own." Harry then continued on his way as though nothing happened, but not before leaving a little surprise for the would be kidnapper.-Gaara's New Family
Fugaku made another shriek of terror as the drain pipe he was holding onto came away from the wall and he barely managed to dive away from another sword cut by his wife. His hair wasn't quite so lucky and a few dozen black hairs were sent flying by the breeze as Mikoto dashed after him.-The Night The House Of Cards Was Built
Harry just growled. You just made my list, Harry thought to himself. You, Bones, and Voldemort.-Odd Ideas
"Note to self: To make Itachi do anything, whack him in the head with a baseball bat." She said and everyone sweat dropped.-Akatsuki's Deadly Princess
Kagome only stared at him, a little lost for words. After a moment, she suddenly found her voice. "Sasuke! Did you go out to kill your brother and kidnap him instead?" she asked, voice shrill with panic. Not that she had anything against Itachi - personally - but as far as she knew, he was a psychopathic killer.-Redemption
"Actually, it sort of fizzled, smoked, caught on fire then suffered a slow agonizing death in a conflagration of rather pretty purplish flames." Mary interrupted the conversation.-the innocence of guilt
"Not really. Last year for Christmas he put a sign around my neck. One that said, 'Hatake up for adoption. Needs love, attention and porn to survive.' I was nearly adopted by a whole throng of people with weird fetishes."-out of the shadows
"You are. As long as you don't mind me tagging along." Kakashi said gently. He was still worried about letting her out of his sight for long. She shrugged. It didn't bother her any if he wanted to come to school with her. If anything it might distract the other kids from singling her out. And if all else failed, she'd throw him to the rabid little monsters and run like hell. He was a big guy, he could handle whatever they did to him.-what do you know
Kakashi looked down at her anxiously. "No. Nothing is wrong. I just need to see the Hokage about something." His fingers tightened around her hand even more, finally managing to cut off the circulation in her fingers. She made a low warning sound, she was about ready to scratch him again and if she did it this time she was not holding back. And he would cry. She would make damn sure of it before she stole his wallet and ran off to get ice cream on her own.-what do you know
"It's not hers. It belongs to someone or something else." Kakashi said as he picked up the slight scent of human blood and ducklings. Oh shit she had murdered a witness to the ducky killings!-second chances
"I wonder if potions is a code word for drugs," thought Harry, with an amused smile on his face.-random
"The short one involves throwing everything including the kitchen sink at your opponent at the beginning. Excellent if you want to take the person down fast. Disadvantage is that, you'll tire quickly and would make easy pickings for a new incoming opponent."-the innocence of guilt
Even McGonagall was unnerved by it. "Albus, you must do something about it!" she could be heard saying to Dumbledore in his office. "The man is smiling! And laughing! Severus is smiling and laughing! Everyone feels a sense of impending doom whenever he does it, and he's caused his annual breakdown rate to double in a week!"-Why Is He Not A Goblin?
Gaara gave a shrug of indifference, "It is of no bother now. However, I believe social convention requires me to give you a 'High Five' and tell you that 'You are The Man.'"-Naruto of the Hydra
"Damn" Naruto swore. "It's always the cackle."-Tsunade's Heir
"Explosion in the dungeons!" shrieked a second year Hufflepuff as he ran past, which resulted in him quickly gaining an entourage of screaming students. Clearly the only reason Snape would ever abandon his trademark glide would be when in serious danger from volatile potions ingredients mixed with inept students. Generally speaking it was a correct assumption, and under normal circumstances that did not involve Minerva McGonagall, they could have expected the destruction of the lower level classrooms in ten minutes. Instead, Snape ran into a passage hidden behind a wall hanging, pausing momentarily only to savour the sound of students running into a stone wall.-A Mistaken Sorting
He almost started to laugh but with Kagome and me glaring at him he shut up and took a step back.
"I have seen you cry plenty of times Yusuke." She sniffed.
Now everyone looked at Yusuke. He scowled.
"Like the time you tried to steal cookies from me and I beat you and threw you down the shrine stairs. You came back up covered in scrapes and sobbing."-Plot Bunnies Chapter 16
Callen didn't know how he got himself into these situations. Its not like he went around looking for trouble, it always seemed to find him. Although on the other hand, Sam would argue that Callen must have an invisible target painted on his back that only bad guys could see, and who all took great pleasure in trying to hit the bulls eye.-Trouble Follows You
Harry almost laughed as he heard her inner mantra of 'Don't make the vampire mad. Don't get fired. Don't give him reason to kill you. Don't blow the possibly very lucrative deal. Don't get killed. Don't get fired.'-curse of fate
"Welcome to the Ministry of Magic. Please state your name and the purpose of your visit," the cheery witch's voice announced to the six wizards tightly packed into the red telephone box.
"Death Eaters," Lucius said with a hint of amusement. "We're here to kill you." Dolohov had the audacity to smack him on the arm. The amusement in his voice vanished with a shocked exclamation of, "Ow! What was that for, you idiot?"
"They're never gonna let us in now!" the man replied as if it were obvious.
"O' ye of little faith," Lucius smirked at him. "I think I know the Ministry a bit better than you."
Sure enough, to the surprise of everyone except Lucius, the voice thanked them, wished them a good day and a silver badge dropped down. Dolohov picked it up in wonder and read it aloud. "Death Eaters. Reason for visit: Homicide." He blinked at Lucius from behind his mask. "Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle."
Outside, twelve other black cloaked individuals waited their turn. As the other six started the decent into the Ministry, one turned to another.
"Hey, Rody," he asked his brother with a grin. "How many Death Eaters can you fit into a phone box?"
"Now, you two play nice," she scolded as Sesshoumaru finally reached them, stopping a few feet away and looking bored and indifferent to the world and everything in it. "And be good for daddy, no eating any tasty children until you've finished your vegetables or you'll spoil your appetite. I don't want any late night calls telling me you've been misbehaving, I raised you better than that, you hear?"-an unconfentuale matchmaker
Danny entertains himself imagining the governor putting her hand on Steve's shoulder and saying, "This could all be yours, Lieutenant Commander . . . everything the light touches."-Pineapples Killed My Neighbors
Mamori turned angrily when she heard a snort from behind her. "For some women, a frying pan is the choice of weapon, for others it is a large mallet, and for others still it is a broom impervious to bullets, capable of beating off savage dogs and their insane, corrupting, demonic blackmailing owners," the blond foreigner drawled, rubbing the back of his head.-Various Drabbles
"You beheaded yourself?" Crowley suggested for a reason Derek could have possibly have been narked. He considered that if he found his boss beheaded by his own doing, then he would probably be a little put out about it.-let's party till the world's end
Jean just smirked. Yes, it was obvious the boy knew of his youngest's crush on him. "Not for another year. Until then, we have a tutor that comes three times a week.
"I do trust you will be able to … maintain a modicum of composure around my dearest child?"
"Can I stay in the cell?"
"… It's because I'm English, isn't it?"- The Harry Potter Omake files: Innortal Sytle