hide bio
Poll: What is the age of the readers of my stories? Vote Now!
PM . Follow . Favorite
Joined 08-25-09, id: 2061650, Profile Updated: 12-30-15
Author has written 6 stories for Twilight, Drake & Josh, and iCarly.

Hi! My name is Twihard22 and I love reading and writing stories!:)

Books: Twilight, Harry Potter, The Lightening Thief, The Last Song, Pretty Little Liars, Cirque Du Freak, Paranormacy, and The Hunger Games! Great books! Read them:)

Hobbies: Basketball, Volleyball, Writing, Reading, and Listening to Music

Random: I once got a fortune cookie that read: You are the crispy noodle in the vegetarian salad of life!

So... if you haven't had a chance to read my stories read them! Tell me what you think!

*My story Forever and Always has been nominated for the Best Romance Award by the Everlasting Twilight Awards! If you feel like Forever and Always should win or deserve a chance, please VOTE! Here is the link:

Thank you in advance!:)

Shout out to Amcraw123 who made a trailer to one of my stories! Here is the link... .com/watch?v=FkveGs0xh0U

Watch it please! And remember to check out my stories!


- Words like mockingjay, Dumbledore, quidditch, gillyweed, Annabeth, etc. are in your dictionary on Word.

- You tend to start obsessing over the characters.

- You think about the characters or book before you go to sleep.

- You think about the characters or book when you wake up.

- You think about the characters or book every moment, basically.

- You talk about the characters or book every moment.

- You write fanfictions.

- You cosplay as the characters for Halloween.

- You make your friends cosplay as the characters for Halloween.

- You force your friends to read the book or books.

- You draw fanart.

- You go to themed parties about the book.

Do you remember when?
Getting high meant swinging at a playground?
The worst thing you could get from a boy was cooties?
When 'Mom' was your hero and 'Dad' was the boy you were gonna marry?
When your worst enemies were your siblings?
And race issues were about who ran fastest?
When war was a card game?
And life was simple and care free?
Remember when all you wanted to do was GROW UP?
Put this in your profile if you wish you were an innocent little kid again.

Only in America drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight... they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering

Ever wonder?

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why don't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Favorite Lines from all the movies/ books that I like!:

Pirates of the Caribbean:


Lord Beckett: You're mad!

Jack Sparrow: well thats good cause If I wasn't, this'd probably never work.


Jack Sparrow: Did no one come to save me just because they missed me?

Elizabeth Swann:
It never would've worked out between us.
Jack Sparrow:
Keep telling yourself that, darling.

Elizabeth Swann:
It's real!
You actually were telling the truth.
Jack Sparrow:
I do that quite a lot. Yet people are always surprised.
Will Turner:
With good reason.

Jack Sparrow:
One question about your business, boy, or there's no use going: This girl... how far are you willing to go to save her?
Will Turner:
I'd die for her.
Jack Sparrow:
Oh good. No worries then.

Jack Sparrow: [to Pintel and Ragetti]
Guard the boat, mind the tide... don't touch my dirt.

Jack Sparrow:
So what's your plan, then?
Will Turner:
I row over, search the ship until I find your bloody key.
Jack Sparrow:
And if there are crewmen?
Will Turner:
I cut down anyone in my path.
Jack Sparrow: [turns to Gibbs]
I like it. Simple, easy to remember.

Jack Sparrow:
Me? I'm dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly. It's the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly... stupid.

How the blazes did you get off that island?
Jack Sparrow:
When you marooned me on that god forsaken spit of land, you forgot one very important thing, mate: I'm Captain Jack Sparrow.

So, we're setting out to find whatever this key unlocks.
Jack Sparrow:
No. If we don't have the key, we can't open whatever we don’t have that it unlocks. So what purpose would be served in finding whatever need be unlocked, which we don't have, without first having found the key what unlocks it?


Jack Sparrow: No worries! Tia Dalma and I go way back... thick as thieves, nigh inseparable we are... were... have been... before...

Gibbs: I'll watch yer back.

Jack Sparrow: It's me front I'm worried about.

Jack Sparrow:
I know those cannons. It's the Pearl.
Man in Jail:
The Black Pearl? I've heard stories. She's been preying on ships and settlements for near ten years. Never leaves any survivors.
Jack Sparrow:
No survivors? Then where do the stories come from, I wonder?

What's your purpose in Port Royal, Mr. Smith?
Yeah, and no lies.
Jack Sparrow:
Well, then, I confess, it is my intention to commandeer one of these ships, pick up a crew in Tortuga, raid, pillage, plunder and otherwise pilfer my weasely black guts out.
I said no lies.
I think he's telling the truth.
If he were telling the truth, he wouldn't have told us.
Jack Sparrow:
Unless, of course, he knew you wouldn't believe the truth even if he told you

Will Turner: [gestures to drawing of key]
You want me to find this?
Jack Sparrow:
No. *You* want you to find this. Because the finding of this finds you incapacitorially finding and/or locating in your discovering the detecting of a way to save your dolly belle, ol' what's-er-face...Savvy?
Will Turner:
This... is going to save Elizabeth?
Jack Sparrow:
How much do you know about Davey Jones?
Will Turner:
Not much.
Jack Sparrow:
Yeah, it's gonna save Elizabeth.

Jack Sparrow: [Wakes up and sees Elizabeth burning the rum]
No! Not good! Stop! Not good! What are you doing? You burned all the food, the shade... the rum!
Elizabeth Swann:
Yes, the rum is gone.
Jack Sparrow:
Why is the rum gone?
Elizabeth Swann:
One: because it is a *vile* drink that turns even the most respectable men into complete scoundrels. Two: that signal is over a thousand feet high. The entire royal navy is out looking for me, do you think there is even the slightest chance they wont see it?
Jack Sparrow:
But why is the rum gone?

Jack Sparrow:
If you were waiting for the opportune moment, that was it.

Jack Sparrow:
You know, for having such a bleak outlook on pirates you are well on your way to becoming one: sprung a man from jail, commandeered a ship of the fleet, sailed with a buccaneer crew out of Tortuga, and you're completely obsessed with treasure.
Will Turner:
That's not true. I am not obsessed with treasure.
Jack Sparrow:
Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate.

Elizabeth Swann:
Whose side is Jack on?
Will Turner:
At the moment?

Will Turner:
She goes free.
What's in your head, boy?
Will Turner:
She goes free.
You've only got one shot and we can't die.
Jack Sparrow:
Don't do anything stupid.
Will Turner:
You can't.
[points gun at his own throat]
Will Turner:
I can.
Jack Sparrow:
Like that.

Elizabeth Swann:
There will come a moment when you will have a chance to show it. To do the right thing.
Jack Sparrow:
I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by.

Davey Jones:
You are neither dead nor dying. What is your purpose here?
Will Turner: [quickly]
Jack Sparrow sent me to settle his debt.
Davey Jones:
What is your purpose here?
Will Turner:
Jack Sparrow? Sent me to settle his debt?

[balancing a shovel]
I could join the circus!


Elizabeth Swann: I've had it! I've had it with wobbly-legged, rum-soaked PIRATES!

Jack Sparrow:
[to Elizabeth]
You know, these clothes do not flatter you at all. It should be a dress or nothing. I happen to have no dress in my cabin.

Harry Potter:

1. “I don’t need a cloak to become invisible” – Albus Dumbledore

2. “I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, even stopper death — if you aren’t as big a bunch of dunderheads as I usually have to teach.” –Severus Snape

3. “I don’t go looking for trouble. Trouble usually finds me.” – Harry Potter

4.”Sunshine, daisies, butter mellow, Turn this stupid, fat rat yellow.” – Ron Weasely

5. “Humans have a knack for choosing precisely the things that are worst for them.” – Albus Dumbledore

6. “There’s enough filth on my robes without you touching them.” – Sirius Black.

7. “You know your mother, Malfoy? The expression on her face – like she’s got dung under her nose? Is she like that all the time or just because you were with her?” - Harry Potter.

8. “Tell them whatever you like. But make it quick, Remus. I want to commit the murder I was imprisoned for…” – Sirius Black.

9. “NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU BITCH!” – Mrs. Weasley

10. “Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light” – Albus Dumbledore

11. “The gold ones are Galleons. 17 silver Sickles to a Galleon and 29 Knuts to a Sickle, it’s easy enough.” – Hagrid

12. “Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself” – Albus Dumbledore

13. “Just because you’ve got the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn’t mean we all have.” – Hermione Granger

14. “You don’t know how bizarre it is to see Goyle thinking.” – Ronald Weasely

15. “Blown up a toilet seat? We’ve never blown up a toilet. Great idea though, thanks mum.” – Fred and George Weasely

16. “I’ll join you when hell freezes over.” – Neville Longbottom

17."We did it, we bashed them, wee Potter's the one, And Voldy's gone moldy, so now let's have fun!" - Peeves

18. To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.- Albus Dumbledore

19.“Right, you’ve got a crooked sort of cross…” He consulted Unfogging the Future. “That means you’re going to have ‘trials and suffering’—sorry about that—but there’s a thing that could be a sun… hang on… that means ‘great happiness’… so you’re going to suffer but be very happy….” “You need you’re Inner Eye tested, if you ask me,” -Ron and Harry

20."They stuff people's heads down the toilet the first day at Stonewall," [Dudley] told Harry. "Want to come upstairs and practice?""No, thanks," said Harry. "The poor toilet's never had anything as horrible as your head down it — it might be sick." Then he ran before Dudley could work out what he'd said. -Dudley and Harry

21."Oh, are you a prefect Percy? You should have said something, we had no idea.""Hang on I think I remember him saying something about it, once...""Or twice-""A minute-""All summer-"“Shut up!”-George, Fred and Percy

22.“So light a fire!" Harry choked."Yes...of course...but there's no wood!" Hermione cried, wringing her hands."HAVE YOU GONE MAD!" Ron bellowed. "ARE YOU A WITCH OR NOT!" -Hermione, Harry and Ron

23.“This is what Dumbledore sends his defender! A songbird and an old hat! Do you feel brave, Harry Potter? Do you feel safe now?" -Tom Riddle

24.“Your aunt and uncle will be proud, though, won’t they?” said Hermione as they got off the train and joined the crowd thronging toward the enchanted barrier. “When they hear what you did this year?” “Proud?” said Harry. “Are you crazy? All those times I could’ve gotten myself killed and I didn’t manage it? They’ll be furious…” -Hermione & Harry

25.Ron pulled out his Omnioculars and started testing them, staring down on the other side of the stadium.“Wild!” he said, twiddling the replay knob on the side. “I can make that old bloke pick his nose again…and again…and again…”-Ron


1. Surely it was a good way to die, in the place of someone else, someone I loved. Noble, even. That ought to count for something. (Bella)

2. Sometimes I wondered if I was seeing the same things through my eyes that the rest of the world was seeing through theirs. Maybe there was a glitch in my brain. (Bella)

3. So did you stab Edward Cullen with a pencil or what? I’ve never seen him act like that. (Mike)

4. Once people start throwing wet stuff I go inside. (Bella)

5. I wasn’t interesting. And he was. Interesting…and brilliant…and mysterious…and perfect…and beautiful…and possibly able to lift full-sized vans with one hand. (Bella)

6. Bella it’s not my fault if you are exceptionally unobservant. (Edward)

7. I thought you were suppose to be pretending I don’t exist, not irritating me to death. (Bella)

8. Stupid, shiny volvo owner. (Bella)

9. I decided as long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly. (Edward)

10. Don’t be offended, but you seem to be one of those people who just attract accidents like a magnet. So…try not to fall into the ocean or get run over or anything, all right? (Edward)

11. Do you think if I ran him over with my truck he would stop feeling guilty about the accident? (Bella)

12. Stupid, unreliable vampire. (Bella)

13. Are you referring to the fact that you can’t walk across a flat, stable surface without finding something to trip over. (Edward)

14. He looks at you like…like you’re something to eat. (Mike)

15. He knows I’ve been meaning to do the laundry. Maybe he’ll think I fell in the washer. (Bella)

16. This truck is old enough to be your car’s grandfather-have some respect. (Bella)

17. And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…What a stupid lamb. What a sick, masochistic lion. (Edward, Bella, Edward)

18. Are you still faint from the run? Or was it my kissing expertise? (Edward)

19. Bella, I’ve already expended a great deal of personal effort at this point to keep you alive. I’m not about to let you behind the wheel of a vehicle when you can’t even walk straight. Besides, friends don’t let friends drive drunk. (Edward)

20. Yeah, it’s an off day when I don’t get somebody telling me how edible I smell. (Bella)

21. Your hair looks like a haystack… but I like it. (Edward)

22. Well, it’s no irritable grizzly… (Bella)

23. And you’re worried, not because you’re headed to meet a houseful of vampires, but because you think those vampires won’t approve of you, correct? (Edward)

24. No coffins, no piled skulls in the corners; I don’t even think we have cobwebs… what a disappointment this must be for you. (Edward)

25. I could walk home faster than this truck moves. (Edward)

26. Bella, you don’t really think I would hit a tree, do you? (Edward)

27. Oh, a sadistic vampire, intent on torturing her to death, sure, no problem, she runs off to meet him. An IV, on the other hand… (Edward)

28. I can’t always be Lois Lane. I want to be Superman, too. (Bella)

29. Emmett enjoyed having me around — he thought my bizarre human reactions were hilarious… or maybe it was just the fact that I fell down a lot that he found so funny. (Bella)

30. When someone wants to kill you, you’re brave as a lion — and then when someone mentions dancing… (Edward)

31. Oh, I’m with the vampires, of course. (Bella)

32. Do you remember when you told me that I didn’t see myself very clearly? You obviously have the same blindness. (Bella)

33. Well, Gran, you might have noticed that my boyfriend glitters. It’s just something he does in the sun. Don’t worry about it… (Bella)

34. Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget; it was a hard line to walk. (Bella)

35. Reckless in Forks—now there was a hopeless proposition. (Bella)

36. Only a teenage boy would agree to this: deceiving both our parents while repairing dangerous vehicles using money meant for my college education. (Bella)

37. Here’s to responsibility. Twice a week. (Jacob)

38. I swear, they’re like hall monitors gone bad. (Jacob)

39. I told him you were planning to corrupt my youthful innocence. (Jacob)

40. What was with the Quileute boys? Were they feeding them experimental growth hormones? (Bella)

41. Who’s afraid of the big, bad wolf? (Jacob)

42. I bet she’s tougher than that. She runs with vampires. (Embry)

43. So, you’re the vampire girl. (Emily)

44. He was a fool to think you could survive alone. I’ve never seen anyone so prone to life-threatening idiocy. (Alice)

45. Leave it to you, Bella. Anyone else would be better off when the vampires left town. But you have to start hanging out with the first monsters you can find. (Alice)

46. In summary, she did jump off a cliff, but she wasn’t trying to kill herself. Bella’s all about the extreme sports these days. (Alice)

47. I think she’s having hysterics. Maybe you should slap her. (Alice)

48. Let me go! I’m going to murder him! Traitor! (Bella)

49. You and Billy gossip like old women. (Bella)

50. If I’d never left, you wouldn’t feel the need to go risk your life to comfort a dog. (Edward)

51. Edward and Alice playing chess was one of the funniest things I’d ever seen. They’d sat there nearly motionless, staring at the board, while Alice foresaw the moves he would make and he picked the moves she would make in return out of her head. They played most of the game in their minds; I think they’d each moved two pawns when Alice suddenly flicked her king over and surrendered. It took all of three minutes. (Bella)

52. Sorry. I don’t have any leeches on my speed dial. (Jacob)

53. I’m really glad Edward didn’t kill you. Everything’s so much more fun with you around. (Emmett)

54. Am I the only one who has to get old? I get older every stinking day! Damn it! What kind of world is this? Where’s the justice? (Bella)

55. Did you seriously just stamp your foot? I thought girls only did that on TV. (Jacob)

56. And your chocolate fur reflects what? How sweet you are? (Sam)

57. Jasper shows up, covered in battle scars, towing this little freak who greets them all by name, knows everything about them, and wants to know which room she can move into. (Edward)

58. I’ll give you passionate. Murder, the ultimate crime of passion. (Bella)

59. You know, Edward, as a brother, you are sometimes a disappointment. (Alice)

60. I don’t see you making yourself useful. Why don’t you go fetch a space heater or something? (Edward)

61. Go play with Edward. I have to get to work. (Alice)

62. It was still considered rude to stare at people, wasn’t it? Didn’t that apply to me anymore? (Bella)

63. No one dressed by me ever looks like an idiot. (Alice)

64. I clutched him closer for one second and then released him. I didn’t have a prayer of winning a tug-of-war with Emmett. (Bella)

65. You’re monopolizing the bride. Let me dance with my little sister. This could be my last chance to make her blush. (Emmett)

66. I didn’t want to kill girls… even vampire girls. Though I might make an exception for that blonde. (Jacob)

67. Make Bella see sense? What universe do you live in? (Jacob)

68. To talk some sense into you. There’s a battle that’s lost before it starts. (Jacob)

69. You’re scared of Leah, but you’re best buds with the psychopath blonde? (Jacob)

70. You know how you drown a blonde, Rosalie? Glue a mirror to the bottom of a pool. (Jacob)

71. You. Got. Food. In. My. Hair. (Rosalie)

72. S’not so hard to erase a blonde’s memory. Just blow in her ear. (Jacob)

73. I’d been planning to take off and get some Z’s, but the chance to ruin Rosalie’s morning seemed too good to pass up. (Jacob)

74. The only parents in the world who don’t need sleep, and our child already sleeps through the night. (Edward)

75. You think you’ll be part of my family as my son-in-law! (Bella)

76. I mean, at least you didn’t bite me or anything. That would’ve sucked. (Seth)

77. I know – I’ll play you for it. Rock, paper, scissors. (Alice)

78. So it’s still standing? I would’ve thought you two had knocked it to rubble by now. What were you doing last night? Discussing the national debt? (Emmett)

79. Jeez, Bells. You didn’t used to be so melodramatic. Is that a vampire thing? (Jacob)

80. After a few minutes, he asked, real quietly, if you turned into an animal, too. And I said, ‘She wishes she was that cool!’ (Jacob)

81. No, I don’t care if you bite Jacob. That’s fine. (Edward)

82. Say what you want, I still think Dracula One and Dracula Two are creep-tacular. (Jacob)

83. You could always count on werewolves to be buzzed about a coming fight, no matter how suicidal. (Bella)

84. Hard to feel confident when you’re surrounded by horse-sized wolves. (Emmett)

Random Babble:

Hey, who said you had to act your age?

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

People who say anything's possible haven't tried closing a revolving door.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away... if well-aimed.

Parents spend the first years of your life telling you to walk and talk, then the rest of it telling you to sit down and shut up.

One day your prince will come. Mine? He took a wrong turn, got lost, and was to stubborn to ask for directions.

I hear your silence loud and clear.

It's always the last place you look for it... of course it is! Why would you keep looking if you found it?

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile, and 4 to reach out and slap someone.

I'm not so good at advice; may I intrest you in a sarcastic reply?

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

WARNING: Do not follow in my footsteps. I tend to walk into walls and off cliffs.

If silence is golden, if talking silver?

Real girls aren't perfect, and perfect girls aren't real.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

It's funny--the people who want quiet are always the loudest getting people to shut up.

I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you... you're just not laughing.

I used up all my sick days at work so I'm calling in dead.

If all else fails, destroy all evidence that you tried.

The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.

Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

A wise man once said, "Ask a girl."

They say guns don't kill people; people do. Well, I think guns help. I mean, if you just stood there and yelled 'BANG!' I don't think you'd kill many people...

You know, you do this annoying thing where you open your mouth and then these things you call words come out. Yeah like that. Stop it.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

A clear conscience is usually a sign of memory loss.

There are no stupid questions, just a lot of inquisitive idiots.

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?

Some people are like Slinky's. They seem to have no purpose, but they still bring you a smile when you push them down the stairs.

Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to.

Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.

Silence is golden but duct tape is silver.

Writing isn't a career, it's more of a mental illness.

Flying is simple, you just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Some say the glass is half full, some say it's half empty, I say, "Are you gonna drink that?"

All people have the right to stupidity but some people abuse the privilege.

Do not walk behind me for I may not lead, do not walk in front of me for I may not follow, do not walk beside me either. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!

I don't get even, I get odder.

If being an idiot hurt, then I would be in constant pain.

If I were any lazier, I would slip into a coma!

When life gives you lemons, say "What else have you got?" you might get something else

In order to lose your mind, you have to have one in the first place.

An optimist is someone who falls off the empire state building and after 50 floors says "So far so good!"

Chaos, panic, pandemonium, my work here is done.

YOUR GUY SIDE: (The ones in bold describe me)

1 You love hoodies.
2 You love jeans.
3 Dogs are better than cats.
4 It's hilarious when people get hurt.
5 You've played with/against boys on a team.
6 Shopping is torture.
7 Sad movies suck.
8 You own/ed an X-Box
9 Played with Hotwheel cars as a kid.
10 At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
11 You own/ed a DS, PS2 or Sega.
12 You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.
13 you watch sports on TV.
14 gory movies are cool
15 You go to your dad for advice.
16 You own like a trillion baseball caps.
17 You like going to high school football games.
18 You used to/do collect football/baseball cards.
19 Baggy pants are cool to wear.
20 It's kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.
21Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors.
22 You love to go crazy and not care what people think.
23 Sports are fun
24 Talk with food in your mouth.
25 Sleep with your socks on at night

Total: 18


1 You wear lip gloss/stick.
2 You love to shop.
3 You wear eyeliner.
4 You wear the color pink
5 Go to your mom for advice.
6 You consider cheerleading a sport.
7 You hate wearing the color black.
8 You like hanging out at the mall.
9 You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.
10 You like wearing jewelry.
11 Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe.
12 Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.
13 You don't like the movie Star Wars.
14 You were in gymnastics/dance

15 It takes you around/ more one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up.

16 You smile a lot more than you should.

17 You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.
18 You care about what you look like.

19 You like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne.
20 You love the movies.
21 Used to play with dolls as little kid.
22 Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy/joke of it.
23 Like being the star of every thing

Total: 6

37 Things to do in an Elevator

1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2. Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5. Meow occasionally.
6. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" - and back away slowly.
7. Say "DING!" at each floor.
8. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.
9. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10. Stare grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15. As you are coming to the end of the journey, get emotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them.
16. Ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20. Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
21. Swat at flies that don't exist.
22. Call out "Group hug!" then enforce it.
23. Make car race noises when someone gets on or off.
24. Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you.
25. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"
26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
27. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.
28. Let your cell phone ring - don't answer it.
29. Walk into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."
30. Take shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't.
31. Ask people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style is that your final answer.
32. Also in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting.
33. Ask, "Did you feel that?"
34. Tell people that you can see their aura.
35. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."
36. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
37. Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time..."

Girls Don't realize these things;

I'm sorry
that I bought you roses
to tell you that I like you

I'm sorry
That I was raised with respect
not to sleep with you when you were drunk

I'm sorry
That my body's not ripped enough
to "satisfy" your wants

I'm sorry
that I open your car door,
and pull out your chair like I was raised

I'm sorry
That I'm not cute enough
to be "your guy"

I'm sorry
That I am actually nice;
not a jerk

I'm sorry
I don't have a huge bank account
to buy you expensive things

I'm sorry
I like to spend quality nights at home
cuddling with you, instead of at a club

I'm sorry
I would rather make love to you then just screw you
like some random guy.

I'm sorry
That I am always the one you need to talk to,
but never good enough to date

I'm sorry
That I always held your hair back when you threw up, and didn't get mad at you for puking in my car,
but when we went out you went home with another guy

I'm sorry
That I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere,
but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend

I'm sorry
If I start not being there because it hurts being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new jerk comes around

I'm sorry
If I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work

I'm sorry
that you can't realize.. I've been the one all along.

I'm sorry
If you read this and know somebody like this
but don't care

But most of all

I'm sorry
For not being sorry anymore

I'm sorry
That you can't accept me for who I am

I'm sorry
I can never do anything right, and nothing that I do is good
enough to make it in your world.

I'm sorry
I caught your boyfriend with another girl and told you about it, I thought that was what friends were for...

I'm sorry
That I told you I loved you and actually meant it.

I'm sorry
That I talked to you for nine hours on Thanksgiving when your boyfriend was threatening you instead of spending time with my family.

I'm Sorry
That I cared

I'm sorry
that I listen to you at night talking about how you wish you could have done something different.

Ladies always complain and gripe to their friends that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them. Well ladies, next time you're complaining, maybe look up to see who you're complaining to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?"
Because the person you are usually searching for is right by you

Girls Need To Realize: WRITTEN BY A GUY

We guys don't care if you talk to other guys. We don't care if you're friends with other guys. But when you're sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room and you jump up and tackle him, without even introducing us, yeah, it @#!*% us off. It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fact that we're still there. We don't care if a guy calls>OR TEXTS

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Gravestone of Two Lovers by 7HockeyStarVampireObsessed7 reviews
Bella gets changed by Victoria about a week after Edward leaves. 77 years later she gets back to Forks only to find a mysterious person laying flowers on her grave. Is Edward still alive? is it him? find out. i am bad at summaries. better than it sounds
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 13 - Words: 20,516 - Reviews: 330 - Favs: 306 - Follows: 297 - Updated: 3/27/2017 - Published: 12/8/2008 - Bella, Edward
Cullens at Camp by Catchick10 reviews
Esme gets tired of her kids' antics and decided to send them to be counsellors at John Island Camp. All Vampire, Jake and Nessie included. I don't own Twilight or John Island Camp. Very OOC. Rated T for language.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 86 - Words: 69,062 - Reviews: 504 - Favs: 160 - Follows: 93 - Updated: 8/8/2016 - Published: 8/19/2009 - Complete
Pushing Buttons by enchanted-mind reviews
Alice is the new girl at school, and Jasper is the notorious trouble maker. Her first day turns sour when she meets him and all hell breaks loose from the first words out of his mouth. How far can pride take this war? AH. AU. Canon. Lemons.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 13 - Words: 46,440 - Reviews: 379 - Favs: 240 - Follows: 320 - Updated: 5/10/2015 - Published: 4/4/2011 - Alice, Jasper
Return to John Island by Catchick10 reviews
Sequel to Cullens at Camp . . . Esme sends her kids back to John Island Camp for the March break. Very OOC, T for language and mild sexual references.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 35 - Words: 35,486 - Reviews: 133 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 48 - Updated: 8/21/2013 - Published: 9/28/2010 - Complete
Ignite by MelKitty reviews
"Or do you want to twist the knife in deeper? Do you get satisfaction from hurting me?" "Mara, Mara calm down I didn't mean-" Jerome started, getting up but she cut him off. "I hate you." she whispered stopping him dead in his tracks "I hate you much...
Het Huis Anubis/House of Anubis - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 16 - Words: 57,694 - Reviews: 519 - Favs: 204 - Follows: 197 - Updated: 6/3/2013 - Published: 2/6/2011 - Mara J., Jerome C.
Balloons by yeszcullen reviews
Edward meets Bella one night, and he falls for her but she was warned about his reputation, so she ignores him. Then Edward sets his mind on making her fall for him. It won't be easy, it takes him 3 weeks to get her to say yes to a first date, 3 months and now he wants her to be his girlfriend. What do balloons have to do with his plan? B&EPOV Two-Shot
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 2 - Words: 11,019 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 4/24/2012 - Published: 4/20/2012 - Edward, Bella - Complete
The Plan by 4Padfoot reviews
The male Cullens have forgotten Esme's birthday and how Esme, Rose, Alice and Bella get even with them. Told from Bella's point of view as it is her plan.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 10 - Words: 19,879 - Reviews: 207 - Favs: 146 - Follows: 127 - Updated: 12/11/2011 - Published: 11/16/2009 - Edward, Bella
WTF: What The FUDGE! by emptygenius reviews
Bella is...Unusual. Her first day at Forks High is epic. Funny little one-shot. AH. Enjoy! :D
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,283 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 3 - Published: 7/9/2011 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Stroke of Luck by I Slay Darkness With Belief reviews
Mr. Winkler just assigned a poem project. You have to write four verses: Life. Family. Friendship and... Love?
Het Huis Anubis/House of Anubis - Rated: T - English - Romance/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,058 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 3 - Published: 3/27/2011 - Mara J., Jerome C. - Complete
Love is Complicated by JMFanficQueen reviews
Sequel! Bella and Edward are finally back together and are now wed. The combined family moves back to Forks as cousins. The only problem . . . the wolves are still there . . . and Jacob is their leader. What happens when Nessie and Jake meet?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 27 - Words: 46,960 - Reviews: 280 - Favs: 100 - Follows: 80 - Updated: 3/6/2011 - Published: 7/18/2010 - Renesmee C./Nessie, Jacob
Everyone's An Enemy, or So We Thought by XxSashaxX reviews
Alice and Bella are best friends, and when Alice is planned to be sent to an Asylum Bella runs away with her to protect her from the horror behind their walls. But it doesn't got to plan as two strangers change their lives. BxE AxJ RxE ExC -usual pairings
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 6 - Words: 20,536 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 24 - Updated: 2/27/2011 - Published: 2/23/2011 - Bella, Alice
Alone by lishthefish reviews
Isabella Swan is a vampire when she meets the young Cullens. She saves them and leaves, only to return years later. There, she meets the teenage Cullens. Will they remember the beauty that rescued them 9 years earlier?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 3 - Words: 12,998 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 28 - Updated: 1/13/2011 - Published: 12/23/2010 - Bella, Edward
Over The Edge by Co-Captains Lilz and Terry reviews
...And over again."Jack, you're messing with what you shouldn't.""I'm expected to do that,and we should correspond people's expectations, so, doing what I shouldn't, I'd be doing what I should." A curse to remove, and a curse to bestow. Beware of the sea.
Pirates of the Caribbean - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 3 - Words: 8,031 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 12/18/2010 - Published: 8/20/2010 - Will T., Elizabeth S.
The Best Kisser in the World by tookkia reviews
Rosalie&Jacob oneshot. What Renesmee Cullen wants, Renesmee Cullen gets, but since when does this involve Rosalie Hale and Jacob Black sharing a smooch, and with each other! A funny little idea, really, please R&R!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,284 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 1 - Published: 12/10/2010 - Rosalie, Jacob - Complete
A Mistletoe Christmas by verycaren reviews
Oneshot. Christmas with or without a mistletoe will always be magical. Edward, Bella and the rest of the group get snowed in inside the Cullen house. Funny, fluff. R&R, All human.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 5,224 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 50 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 11/7/2010 - Published: 12/24/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
The Twilight Chronicles by Jammeke reviews
Things the character would say—if I had anything to say about it.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 9,736 - Reviews: 531 - Favs: 480 - Follows: 135 - Updated: 10/1/2010 - Published: 1/8/2009 - Complete
Book Two: Grow by I'mActuallyASquib reviews
James and Lily are BACK for another year! Lily's FURIOUS at James, James is being rather thick, and they're both starting to get annoyed at their parents. They aren't BABIES, after all. How can they deal with Hogwarts this year when they enter at odds?
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 7 - Words: 81,579 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 9/14/2010 - Published: 10/21/2009 - James P., Lily Evans P.
Beyond Second Confrontations by TwilightVolleyball9 reviews
Takes place during New Moon. What if Laurent was in the meadow while Bella visted and the wolves killed him after he bit Bella? Would the Cullens come back? Do they still care for Bella? Will Bella turn into a vampire and live or will she die? R&R plz
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 8 - Words: 15,816 - Reviews: 44 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 8/9/2010 - Published: 7/10/2010 - Bella, Edward
The Cullens watch Twilight by just-a-crazyfanpire reviews
"Twilight. Release Date: 21 Nov. 2020. Cast: Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart. Now in theatres!" While the Cullens are watching TV, they see a strange promo. *Bella and Edward talking in the forest* "They made a movie about us?" someone screamed.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 7,552 - Reviews: 131 - Favs: 234 - Follows: 101 - Updated: 7/15/2010 - Published: 8/13/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Really, Really by lleighhh reviews
All-human. Slightly OOC. Sequel to "555-1073". We skip an entire year. Everyone is in college. But the thing is, they're all split up. Can they survive?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 30 - Words: 93,480 - Reviews: 1165 - Favs: 330 - Follows: 161 - Updated: 7/13/2010 - Published: 12/28/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Broken Love by JMFanficQueen reviews
NM - Edward left Bella pregnant. 50 years later, Nessie has grown and Bella is a vampire and leader of the Swan Coven which includes Melinda, William, Sophie, and Alexander. When both covens collide, what happens. What will Bella choose?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 52 - Words: 91,692 - Reviews: 794 - Favs: 646 - Follows: 322 - Updated: 7/11/2010 - Published: 10/17/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
After Happily Ever After by Storyteller xx reviews
Its been sixty years since Breaking Dawn. Bella and Edward are venturing into Forks High again to continue their immortal lives. However this time round Bella is faced with a new enemy, one that she never saw coming.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Mystery - Chapters: 19 - Words: 26,936 - Reviews: 206 - Favs: 68 - Follows: 63 - Updated: 6/6/2010 - Published: 5/15/2009 - Bella, Edward
Corrupting Bella Swan by angel with fake wings reviews
What happens when you leave Bella with Jasper & Emmett.........TROUBLE ! Post Breaking Dawn. Involes ice-cream, a mental institue, wal-mart & family therapy ? I suck at summaries
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 15 - Words: 13,061 - Reviews: 56 - Favs: 72 - Follows: 40 - Updated: 4/27/2010 - Published: 1/3/2010 - Bella, Emmett
The Valentine's Day Dare Hunt by JMFanficQueen reviews
The Cullen kids used to play a Dare Hunt every Valentines Day. Now that Edward has Bella, the game is begun again. The only problem is, it's a game of dares! From burning clothes to cake to proposing, can Bella survice the Cullens verion of a game?
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 30 - Words: 38,005 - Reviews: 209 - Favs: 208 - Follows: 85 - Updated: 4/9/2010 - Published: 9/1/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
5551073 by lleighhh reviews
All-Human. Slightly OOC. A kissing booth, Bella Swan, and Edward Cullen. Need I say more?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 31 - Words: 87,643 - Reviews: 1021 - Favs: 617 - Follows: 244 - Updated: 3/1/2010 - Published: 8/20/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
88 things the Twilight movie has taught us! by MyBoyfriendEdwardSparkles reviews
Twilight? Not educational? YEAH RIGHT!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 10 - Words: 2,109 - Reviews: 830 - Favs: 312 - Follows: 169 - Updated: 1/27/2010 - Published: 8/10/2009
Look to the Sky and You'll Find Me by ThatThingCalledLoveContest reviews
Bella wasn't angry with Edward. She never could be, even after he left her with nothing but a letter as a reminder of the person he had been to her. She now understood him. But even then, living without him would be the hardest thing she would ever do.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,842 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 11 - Published: 12/16/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Book One: Leap by I'mActuallyASquib reviews
Lily and James hated each other from the start...EVERYONE knows that. But does anyone know why? Lily doesn't only hate James for being a prat, and James may just be hit with feelings he doesn't understand. What happens when he does something unforgivable?
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 55,908 - Reviews: 48 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 10/18/2009 - Published: 6/24/2009 - James P., Lily Evans P. - Complete
Emmett's Bedtime Story by Catchick10 reviews
Nessie askes Emmett to tell her a bedtime story. Oneshot.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,123 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/30/2009 - Emmett, Renesmee C./Nessie - Complete
It's Not the Rain, Classes or Air by SteneMichele reviews
Bella tells her mother how much Edward means to her. Written in verse. Please do not comment on how short it is- I know, and I'm not planning on making it any longer. It gets the point across so if you're not happy with the length, keep it to yourself.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 143 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 7 - Published: 1/29/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
You May Now Kiss the Bride by vjgm reviews
This is my version of the wedding starring then minister, Emmett Cullen. With Emmett in charge, you know that humor will be involved. How does Emmett handle this important job? Will he behave? Or will Bella and Edward kill him? ONESHOT of SILLINESS.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,887 - Reviews: 613 - Favs: 1,257 - Follows: 199 - Published: 7/31/2008 - Emmett
Family Therapy Cullen Style by vjgm reviews
Carlisle has had it with the children's constant bickering so he sends the Cullen's to family therapy. Suicidal Edward,Bella's fear of committment, Alice addicted to shopping, Rosalie's hostility, Emmett and Japer's gambling..who will survive? FUNNY
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 18 - Words: 69,221 - Reviews: 8463 - Favs: 7,675 - Follows: 1,801 - Updated: 5/15/2008 - Published: 11/10/2007 - Complete
How to Lose a Vampire in 10 Days by Rosalie McCarty reviews
Bella's assignment is to date a guy and do whatever it takes to make him dump her. The Cullen's have bet that Edward can't keep a girl for no more than 10days. With a job and Cullenfied bets on the line, falling in love isn't going to help.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 19 - Words: 40,240 - Reviews: 724 - Favs: 445 - Follows: 252 - Updated: 5/14/2008 - Published: 2/15/2008 - Complete
Under Arrest by vjgm reviews
Add on to Family Therapy. Want to see what the Cullen kids did to get arrested and make Carlisle's Book of Shame? Read on! If you have not read family Therapy Cullen Style, this will not make sense.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4,083 - Reviews: 703 - Favs: 1,090 - Follows: 301 - Published: 1/5/2008 - Complete
Damsel in Undistress by Anjali Sahra reviews
Danielle and Henry met long before the apple incident. And, well, let's just say it's a happy thing they don't remember their first fight as kids. One shot.
Ever After - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 728 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 7 - Published: 8/2/2005 - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Forever and Always reviews
Edward Cullen and Bella Swan are famous singers. Both have had bad relationships. Now, they meet and their worlds change. Can Bella accept she is the one for Edward? Can they put their pasts behind them and be with one another? Way better then sum! Human
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 54 - Words: 173,979 - Reviews: 661 - Favs: 316 - Follows: 260 - Updated: 5/19/2013 - Published: 11/10/2009 - Bella, Edward
IGoodbye With A Twist reviews
Just thought iGoodbye could've ended differently. What is Carly woke up in the hospital from a major head trauma with Drake and Josh standing by her bed side. "WHAT DID YOU BOOBS DO?"
iCarly - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,425 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 1 - Published: 11/24/2012 - Carly S. - Complete
iGoodbye Atlernate Ending reviews
Just thought iGoodbye could've ended differently. What is Carly woke up in the hospital from a major head trauma with Drake and Josh standing by her bed side. "WHAT DID YOU BOOBS DO?"
Drake & Josh - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,425 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 4 - Published: 11/24/2012 - Megan P. - Complete
Vampires Vs Werewolves reviews
Emmett decides that the wolves are getting a little too cocky, so it is decided that the vampires should compete against the werewolves in a series of competitions to test strength, speed and control. Who will win? Lots of humor and fun! Better then Sum!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 7,009 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 7/20/2011 - Published: 7/10/2011
Within Waking Hours reviews
Bella runs from home & performs in the street Then she watches the sunrise & blinks & is suddenly in 1917 One green eyed boy keeps watching her perform They engage & he dies of spanish influenza. B goes to her own time & a certain gold eyed boy appears.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 6 - Words: 5,672 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 36 - Updated: 5/28/2011 - Published: 5/9/2010 - Bella, Edward
New Year's Eve reviews
ONE SHOT- Bella, Rosalie and Alice go to the Cullen's to set up for a party. With Emmett sneaking food, some kissing and some New Years spirit, it is bound to be a good party! All human! Some funny stuff! Read and Review
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,200 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 5/28/2011 - Published: 1/1/2010 - Edward, Bella - Complete