Author has written 1 story for Charmed.
Welcome to my profile!
Please check out my story, Excalibur.
Mental Hospital Phone Menu:
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
This is a story about God. Read if you believe in him, and read even if you don't.
A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.
As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.
The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone.
Funny Newspaper Headlines/Typos
Autos Killing 110 a Day: Let's Resolve to Do Better
Blind Woman Gets New Kidney from Dad She Hasn't Seen in Years
British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Dealers Will Hear Car Talk at Noon
Drunk Drivers Paid $1,000 in 1984
Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly it May Last a While
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped
Robber Holds up Albert's Hosiery
Smokers Are Productive, but Death Cuts Efficiency
Something Went on in Jet Crash, Experts Say
Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
Stolen Painting Found by Tree
Two Sisters Reunite after Eighteen Years at Checkout Counter
Two Soviet Ships Collide - One Dies
War Dims Hope for Peace
Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Typhoon Rips through Cemetary: Hundreds Dead
Man is Fatally Slain
Milk Drinkers are Turning to Powder
Miners Refuse to Work After Death
'The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'.
Knock Knock! Who's there? You know! You-know-who? EXACTLY AVADA KEDVARA!!!!
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
Always remember that you are absolutely positively unique. Just like everyone else.
Two things are infinite; the universe, and human stupidity... not so sure about the universe.
Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.
Life is like a haircut. Some are long, some are short. Some are good, some are bad... and some people really need to get one.
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
Reality is for people who lack imagination.
Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
A wise man once said, "Ask a girl."
When the going gets tough, the tough get duct tape
Unsafe External Link