Author has written 7 stories for Primeval, and Misc. Books.
Hi! I'm When the Wind Stands Fair, but that's a bit long so call me what you like. I used to be Kajoba so...yeah. You've somehow reached my profile so enjoy.
Name: When the Wind Stands Fair, but I also respond to David and Oi you.
Favourite Actors: David Tennant, Jude Law, Robert Downey Jr, Tom Hiddleston, Chris Hemsworth, Jeremy Renner, Scarlett Johannsen
Favourite Characters: Severus Snape, Tony Stark, Loki, Thor, Natasha Romanoff, Clint Barton, The 10th Doctor, Donna Noble, Rory Williams
Favourite Books: Harry Potter, 39 Clues, Inheritance Cycle, Percy Jackson, Heroes of Olympus, Goodnight Mister Tom, Pride and Prejudice
Favourite TV Shows: Sherlock, Doctor Who, Qi, Merlin, Top Gear
Favourite Films: Sherlock Holmes, Knight and Day, War Horse, Pride and Prejudice, THE AVENGERS!!!!! actually, anything from Marvel is guaranteed to be brilliant, X-men First Class, Inception, We Bought a Zoo
Favourite Music: Skillet, Queen, KT Tunstall, Coldplay, Nickelback, Dire Straits
Favourite Animals: Wolf, Dog, Dragonfly, Horse
Random: Spheksophobic (I'm terrified of Wasps) - I've got Central Heterochromia and NPTS
Best Film Themes: Driving with the top down - Iron Man, Avengers Theme - The Avengers, Captain America Theme - Captain America: TFA, Wheel of Fortune - Pirates of the Caribbean 2, Drink up me Hearties - Pirates of the Caribbean 3
Captain Becker/Jess Parker
Connor Temple/Abby Maitland
Matt Anderson/Emily Merchant
- Just out of interest, in 5.6 when Lester said 'a train just left Kings Cross and disappeared into thin air' did anyone else think 'Hogwarts Express'?
Tony Stark/Pepper Potts - By the way, has anyone else noticed that Tony's beard is sometimes shaved in the shape of the Stark Industries logo?
Steve Rogers/Peggy Carter
Clint Barton/Natasha Romanoff
Tom Hiddleston/Wendy Don't ask. I think someone broke him.
FrostIron, HawkIron, I can make allowances for Stony if it's well written.
To be honest, I can ship pretty much anything as long as it is well written, not including fem!slash or incest. But Slash, Canon or Non-Canon is all fine by me
My very favourite Characters
James Lester - Primeval - played by Ben Miller
He has a complete lack of a sense of humour yet still manages to be one of the funniest guys in the ARC due to his sarcasm and bone dry wit. He pretends to care about no one but himself yet would do anything for the team, to the point of but not limited to insulting the admiralty and accusing the MoD of being 'pond-life'. He took on an arboreal raptor single handedly when it came through an anomaly in the car park where his new Jag was parked because 'this time, it's personal.' He even went as far as to ask it if it knew how much the car cost. Despite his disdain when Abby and Connor returned he was completely overjoyed to see them, although he hides it well, and saved Abby's creatures partly because her 'great, over-fed mammoth saved his life once' and he had to return the favour. I love his face when Jess runs into his office and says 'We're one man down. We've lost Connor.' I love that he hates Philip Burton as much as I do and has a massive temper tantrum when he finds out Philip is being awarded a knighthood. Upon Rex's escape he comments that he can fly 'remarkably well' instead of trying to catch him. It's brilliant when he tries to help Jess when she can't cope with directing two missions at once but has no idea what to do. 'Jess, the computer's turned off and Matt can't hear me.' 'It helps if you turn the volume up.' Lester is an office man who enjoys the finer things in life but is perfectly capable of getting his hands dirty if his team or said finer things are threatened.
Tony Stark - Iron Man/Iron Man 2/The Avengers - played by Robert Downey Jr
Tony is even more a favourite character than pretty much anyone else. If you want to know why, go and watch Iron Man, Iron Man 2 and The Avengers. If you come back still asking the same question then you will never understand and there is no point explaining it. Anybody who can be that self-centred, that arrogant, that much of an arse, and still make me love him to bits can reserve a place on this list.
Loki Laufeyson - Thor/The Avengers - played by Tom Hiddleston
Loki is only bad guy I've ever seen who I love as much as the good guys. I mean, he's one of the good guys brother! He is the little brother who just wants more attention from Dad and if he has to attempt world domination to do so, well so be it. I like that he isn't the most physically imposing character by a long way, so he fights with his brain instead. He is just as capable of talking himself out of a situation as he is at talking others into one. He is beyond a doubt the deepest villain, and possibly one of the most developed characters I've ever seen, but what he does, especially in The Avengers, is so thoroughly evil that I wonder where Tom Hiddleston, who is so lovely, dredged it up from. Hats off Hiddles. My friend's schoolwork is now more Loki-drawings than actual work, and mine isn't much better ;)
BLANKET DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING RECOGNISABLE IN ANY OF MY STORIES. THEY BELONG TO THEIR RIGHTFUL OWNERS. HOWEVER, ANY OCs AND THE PLOTS THEMSELVES ARE MINE.
Unexpected - Primeval - COMPLETE
A one-shot. Captain Becker contemplates his relationship with Connor and Abby. This idea wouldn't let me sleep so I thought I'd better write it down before it drove me insane :)
Shotgun - Primeval - COMPLETE
One-shot. The shotgun has always been Captain Becker's weapon of choice. From when he was a small child, watching TV with his Dad, the shotgun has always stood out. He doesn't know why.
Lost People - Primeval - COMPLETE
Officially, the ARC is about scientific research, protecting the public. But anyone who understands knows that it's not. Why it started, why it carries on, is all about the Lost People. Includes a secret from Beckers past.
The Rope Bridge - Misc - COMPLETE
Last night, I found myself getting completely stressed out about the concept of my up-and-coming results day so I did what any self-respecting author would do; I wrote a slightly-depressing metaphor. Woop.
When the Bough Breaks - Primeval - WIP - Used to be 'Here and There' and 'Kindred', now converted to a multi-chapter
A by-story of 'Lost People'.
Chapter 1: Here and There:
- On the 18th June 2005, Becker's ten year old sister stepped through an anomaly, becoming trapped in a distant past. He was too late to save her. Six years later, neither has forgotten the other, but will they ever see each other again?
Chapter 2: Kindred:
- After six years trapped alone and out of time, Clipper Becker has found her way home. Reunited with her brother, she now has to relearn 21st century survival. It won’t be easy, but she has found something she never expected; a Kindred Spirit
Chapter 3: And so it begins...
- Nothing good can come of Jess, Saturday morning, a shopping centre, and a girl who is terrified of crowds. Luckily Abby is there to help out.
Prison Break - Primeval - COMPLETE
It’s the dead of night and, deep in the bowels of the ARC, a daring rescue mission is taking place...
Head Canon - My favourite type of Cannon
- Connor and Abby are extremely good at climbing trees since their time in the Creteceous, and are therefore capable of moving just as fast through the canopy as they do on the ground. Even after so long back in their own time, they still have to quell the urge to climb the nearest lamp-post when they see a dinosaur.
- Becker is an immensely talented artist, and his flat is covered in his art. He also keeps a sketchpad in his locker to help let off steam after a hard day. It is full of pictures of the team.
- There are three people in the ARC who know Becker's first name. They are Jess, Lester and Connor. Connor found out before Becker was hired, as he scoured all the files in order to try and prevent another 'Leek' fiasco occuring. He is planning on using it as blackmail material the next time he can't be bothered to do his own paperwork.
- Merlin has driven Gaius to drink on more than one occasion
- Gwaine knows about Merlin's magic, as does Percival, but everyone else is completely in the dark
- Tony, Bruce and Clint should never be left in the same room together, or they'll make something explode
- Whenever one of the team goes on a solo or paired mission, they have to contact the others every couple of days, or they will come and find them
- Natasha can drink all others under the table, and does so frequently
FAVOURITE SHORT POEMS
In no particular order...
Crazy? I was crazy once.
They gave me a huggy jacket. I loved that jacket; I hugged it and it hugged me back.
They put me in a round room. I loved that room; it went round and round and round.
One day I died. They buried me under the daisies.
I hate daisies. The smell drove me crazy.
Crazy? I was crazy once...
In Flanders Fields
In Flanders Fields, the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row
That mark our place and in the sky
The larks still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below
We are the dead, short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders Fields
Take up your quarrel with the foe
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch, be yours to hold it high
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders Fields
Truly Epic Words - Not necessarily in English
Scheissenbedauern - German - Shit-Regret - The disappointment one feels when something turns out not nearly as badly as one had hoped.
Backpfeifengesicht - German - A face crying out to have a fist in it - Enough said.
Schadenfreude - German - When you feel good because something bad is happening to someone else.
Bakku-shan - Japanese - A woman who looks pretty from the back but not the front.
Tingo - Pascuense - Borrowing items from a friends house, one by one, until there is nothing left.
Katahara itai - Japanese - Laughing so hard that one side of your stomach hurts.
Nakhur - Persian - A camel that won't give milk until her nostrils have been tickled.
Tsuji-giri - Japanese Samurai - To try out a new sword on a passer-by.
Nabocklish - Irish Gaelic - Don't meddle with it!
Dozvonit'sya - Russian - The act of ringing a doorbell continually until you get an answer.
About random things, mostly films and TV shows
PRIMEVAL: Before Cutter went through the Permian anomaly in S01E06 and when he went back into the burning ARC in S03E03 both Claudia and Jenny said 'Don't go, this is a mistake.' The first time, he returned to find the timeline had changed and Claudia never existed. The second time, Helen shot and killed him.
PRIMEVAL: In Primeval S04E01 Abby plays music to distract a Spinosaurus. She plays 'Don't stop moving' by Sclub7. Hannah Spearrit (plays Abby) used to be a member of the band. You can hear her singing.
LORD OF THE RINGS: On the last day filming Aragorn fighting the Orcs, Peter Jackson quietly gave Viggo Mortensen an Uzi, loaded with blanks, for the final take.
Because I like them
I am a Primevalian. We are rare and close to extinction but are slowly spreading into the hearts of civilians. If you are a Primevalian - copy and paste this to your profile.
Danny: 'Don't worry, I'm an experienced pilot.'
Jenny: 'How experienced?'
Danny: 'Uh...two lessons. But they went unbelievably well.'
Lester: 'That will be hard to explain to the next of kin. Good news: technically, he's still alive. Bad news: he's turned into a mushroom.'
Jess: 'I hate insects. More than spiders. More than dinosaurs.'
Admiral: *looking at Jess* 'I'll take a pot of coffee.'
Lester: '...Us too. Mine with cream, no sugar. How do you take yours, Jess?'
Jess: 'Frothy, thank you very much, Admiral.'
Lester: 'Congratulations, Admiral; you just fired a nuclear torpedo in peacetime at one of your own submarines.'
Lester: 'Who's that idiot?'
Cutter: 'Connor Temple. He may look like a halfwit but he has a very good brain.'
Lester: 'We may be standing on the brink of Armageddon but at least we have an annoying student on our side. How reassuring.'
Gideon: 'What about your second-in-command?'
Matt: 'Becker? He likes guns.'
Gideon: 'What, that's all you picked up about him?'
Matt: 'He really likes guns.'
Lester: 'At the risk of sounding like someone from the Old Testament, is there any sane reason you are keeping animals in the ARC?'
Cutter: 'Right, now lets get them back before we upset Darwin. Now...everybody grab a dodo.'
Jess: 'What if it's too late and this is the beginning of the end?'
Lester: 'They're not dead, Jess, and it's not the end of the world. If it was...someone would have sent us a memo.'
Lester: 'I suppose this town lies directly on Cutter's mythical faultline?'
Claudia: *looks at him*
Lester: 'I'm really starting to dislike that man.'
Lester: You spend your whole life planning for every situation imaginable up-to-and-including alien invasion then this happens. So much for thinking outside the bloody box.'
Cutter: 'Oh, those risks you were talking about? There's one I didn't mention running down your back.'
Lester: *turns to show a large amount of Rex-poo dripping off his shoulder*
Becker: 'I'm confident there was no serious breach of security.'
Lester: 'Excellent. A new definition of "serious". You let him abseil down the ventilation shaft!'
Cutter: *punches a caveman in the face*
Stephen: '...That don't look right'
*shot of Caveman's very bright and extremely modern underwear*
Cutter: 'I think I just punched an actor.'
Danny: 'Usually, in a fight against an ant I'd fancy my chances but this; this is a serious ant.'
Matt: 'And if I don't?'
Emily: 'Then I'll be forced to hurt you.'
Matt: 'Again. You'd be forced to hurt me again.'
Ben Mansfield: 'Lovely, lovely little Jess, who's our eyes and ears back at the ARC...and, erm, she's got a bit of a crush on Becker, Becker sort of quite fancies her as well but, being this emotional retard that he is, is not able to quite explain how he feels to her.'
Cutter: 'And you're absolutely sure this reature doesn't eat mammals?'
Stephen: 'Dung never lies. And if I'm wrong, at least you'll always have a special place in the history books.'
Cutter: 'I always wanted to be famous!'
Lester: 'Well if its personnel you need, I appear to be kicking my heels; what have you got for me out in the field? Preferably something cuddly and vegetarian because this is my best shirt.'
Jess: 'I don't believe it! There's another one! It's outside - in the car park.'
Lester: 'Oh my God! My new jag's in the car park! This time it's personal.'
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN
Jack/Will: 'No cause is lost of there is but one fool left to fight for it.'
Will: 'Where's Elizabeth?'
Jack: 'She's safe, just like I promised. She's all set to marry Norrington, just like she promised and you get to die for her, just like you promised. So we're all men of our word really, except for Elizabeth, who is, in fact, a woman.'
Norrington: 'No additional shot, nor powder. A compass that doesn't point north...' *looks at Jack's sword* '...and I half expected it to be made of wood. You are, without a doubt, the worst pirate I have ever heard of.'
Jack: 'But you have heard of me.'
Will: 'This is either madness...or brilliance.'
Jack: 'It's remarkable how often those two traits coincide.'
LORD OF THE RINGS
The Hobbit: 'He charged the ranks of the goblins in the battle of the Green Fields and knocked their King Golfimbul's head clean off with a wooden club. It sailed a hundred yards through the air and went down a rabbit hole, and in this way the battle was won and the game of Golf invented in the same moment.'
Boromir: *Perfectly calm and slightly annoyed* 'They have a Cave Troll.'
Gimli: 'I never thought I'd die side-by-side with an elf.'
Legolas: 'What about with a friend?'
Gimli: 'Aye, I can do that.'
Gimli: 'Certainty of death. Very small chance of survival. What are we waiting for?'
Aragorn cuts off "Mouth of Sauron"s head*
Gimli: 'I guess that concludes negotiations.'
Merry: 'You just said something...treeish.'
Gimli: 'It's true you don't see many dwarf women. In fact, they're so alike in voice and appearance, they're often mistaken for dwarf men.'
Aragorn: *whispers* 'It's the beards.'
Aragorn: 'Not idly do the leaves of Lorien fall.'
Unknown: 'Denethor would accept no compromises. He'd rather die. In fact he does rather die.'
Boromir: 'I would have followed you my brother. My Captain. My King.'
Theoden: 'Fell deeds awake.
Now for Wrath
Now for Ruin
And a Red Dawn.'
CASTLE (Yes, I know it's not strictly speaking showing in the UK, but shh)
Castle: X-ray specs, I picked them up at the magic shop. I can...see you naked.
Beckett: Really? How do you like my navel ring?
Castle: *smile falls*
Shaw: Put. The taser. Down.
Beckett: Hell of a shot, Castle.
Castle:...I was aiming for his head.
Castle: *looking at the body in the tree* 'It's raining men.'
Beckett: 'How's it going up there?'
Lanie: 'I got tree branches poking my boobs and a spotlight shining up my bootie.'
Esposito: 'Could be worse; you could be wearing a skirt.'
Lanie: 'When I come down, Imma smack you.'
Esposito: 'I'll look forward to that.'
John: 'Captain John Watson, of the 5th Northumberland fuseliers.'
A bit later
Sherlock: 'Nice touch.'
John: 'I haven't called rank in a while.'
Sherlock: 'Did you enjoy it.'
John: 'Oh yes.'
Sherlock: 'Oh, this is Mycroft isn't it? Of course it is; one mention of Baskerville and he sends down my handler to spy on me incognito. Is that why you're calling yourself Greg?'
John: '...That's his name.'
Sherlock: 'Is it?!'
CABIN PRESSURE - If you have never heard Cabin Pressure, I recommend it. It is a hilarious BBC Radio 4 drama, and all episodes can be found on youtube.
Douglas: 'Yes, just like the Great Wall of China was brilliant, and the pyramids were brilliant, and that man burping the theme to the muppets was really brilliant.'
Arthur: 'Come on, that was brilliant. Oh look! Camels!'
Douglas: 'And how would you describe them, in a word?'
Arthur: 'Here you go, skip. Nice hot cup of coffee.'
Martin: 'Eurgh, its cold!'
Arthur: 'Nice cup of coffee.'
Martin: 'Its disgusting!'
Arthur: 'Cup of coffee.'
Martin: 'Im not even sure its coffee!'
Arthur: 'Oh, er, magma! Mosquito! Moccassin...'
Carolyn: 'Its a name!'
Arthur: 'Martin! Maggie! Milly! Molly! Mandy! Michael!'
Arthur: 'Mickey! Mick! Mi!...Muh!'
Martin: 'No, the phonetic alphabet for the letter M is not Muh.'
Arthur: 'Is it bigger than a sheep?'
Carolyn: 'Look at the size of the box.'
Arthur: 'Oh right. Is it bigger than the box?'
Douglas: 'Is it bigger than the box its in? No, strangely enough, its not.'
Arthur: 'Foxy! Fox-hat! Fox-box!'
Martin: 'No, not fox-box! Its a type of dance!'
Carolyn: 'Hes famous for making other horses.'
Carolyn: 'And now you're thinking of a horse-frankenstein arent you?'
Douglas: 'The sun has taken of his hat...hip, hip, hip, hooray.'
Martin: 'Taken off his hat at last, and gone a-bloody-way.'
Carolyn: 'Arthur, B'
Arthur: 'Oh! Big! Bag! Bog! Bush! Ball! Bag! Bug! Bag! Bag! Bag!'
Carolyn: 'It is not bag. Two syllables!'
Arthur: 'Balloon! Baboon! Bassoon! Bubble! Babble! Bag! Bag-bag! Baghdad!'
Martin: 'No! Its something you say at the end of a play.'
Carolyn: 'No! What you say to the actors!'
Douglas: 'No! Like encore.'
Arthur: 'Ooh! Justin! Jeffrey! Jilly! Jenny! Georgina!'
Martin: 'Its one half of a famous pair of lovers.'
Douglas: 'If you can imagine such as thing, a pair of lovers even more famous than Terry and June.'
Martin: 'Romeo and...'
Exam officer: 'Carolyn, how many smoke-hoods are there in the rear stowage compartment?'
Exam Officer: 'Yes, absolutely...care to elaborate on that?'
Carolyn: 'Theres one...and theres another one. Totalling two.'
THE AVENGERS (SPOILER ALERT for those of you living under a rock who have not already seen this film)
Rogers: 'Big man in a suit, take that away, what are you?'
Stark: 'Uh, genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.'
Thor: 'He's my brother.'
Romanoff: 'He killed 80 people in 2 days.'
Thor: 'He's adopted.'
Old Man: 'Are you an alien?'
Old Man: 'From outer space. An alien.'
Old Man: 'Then son, you've got a condition.'
Banner: 'Did I kill anyone?'
Old Man: 'No. Scared the hell out of some pidgeons though.'
Rogers: 'We have orders, we should follow them.'
Stark: 'Following's not really my style.'
Rogers: 'And you're all about style aren't you.'
Stark: 'Of the people in this room, which one is A, wearing a spangly outfit and B, not of use?'
Stark: How's it looking up there?'
Rogers: 'It seems to run on some kind of electricity.'
Stark: 'Well, you're not wrong.'
Barton: 'How did you get him out?'
Romanoff: 'Cognitive recalibration - I hit you really hard in the head.'
Romanoff: 'This is just like Budapest all over again.'
Barton: 'You and I remember Budapest very differently.'
Stark: 'Loki's a full-fledged diva, everythings go to be about him. He wants a parade, flowers, anything that'll bring in an audience. He needs someplace where everyone can see it's him and he's doing it, somewhere with his name up in lights-'
Cap raises his eyebrows and Tony freezes as they realise Loki has set up base on top of Stark Tower
Stark: 'Son of a bitch.'
Banner: 'We shouldn't be focusing on Loki, that mans head is a bag of cats; you can smell crazy on him.'
Old Man: 'You just fell out of the sky, big, green and buck-ass nude.'
Stark: 'Doctor Banner, your work is unparallelled. And I'm a huge fan of the way you lose control and turn into an enormous green rage monster.'
Romanoff: 'No, it's not you. It's Loki. It's monsters and magic and nothing we were ever trained for.'
Stark: 'Guys, I'm bringing the party to you.'
*flies around the corner and a huge flying creature crashes through a building after him*
Romanoff: 'I don't see how this is a party.'
Banner: 'So this is all...horrible.'
Romanoff: 'I've seen worse.'
Banner: 'Yeah. Sorry about that.'
Romanoff: 'No, it's...we could use a little worse.'
Rogers: 'I think now is a good time for you to get angry Doc.'
Banner: 'Thats my secret, Cap. I'm always angry.' *hulks*
Thor: 'I have unfinished business with Loki.'
Barton: 'Yeah? Get in line.'
Barton: 'Those things can't turn too well, so try finding a sharp bank.'
Stark: 'I will...roger that.'
Stark: 'What else you got?'
Barton: 'Well, Thor's taking on a squadron on sixth.'
Stark: 'And he didn't invite me.'
Stark: 'You're a lab-rat Rogers! Everything you are came out of a bottle!'
Rogers: 'Put on the suit, lets have it out.'
Rogers: 'Prove it, put on the suit!'
Minutes later, part of helicarrier blows up
Rogers: 'Put on the suit!'
Thor charges Loki, runs straight through him and gets locked in the prison
Loki: 'Are you ever going to not fall for that?'
Stark: 'An intelligence agency that fears intelligence? Historically, not awesome.'
Romanoff: 'This is the tesseract. It has enough potential energy to wipe out the planet.'
Banner: 'What does Fury want me to do, swallow it?'
Old Man: *standing up* 'No, Not to men like you.'
Loki: 'There are no men like me.'
Old Man: 'There are always men like you.'
Rogers: 'You know, the last time I was in Germany and saw a man standing above everyone else, we ended up disagreeing.'
Banner: 'Last time I was in New York, I kind of broke...Harlem.'
Thor: 'Do not touch me again.'
Stark: 'Then stop stealing my stuff.'
Thor: 'You have no idea what you are dealing with.'
Stark: 'Shakespeare in the Park? Doth Mother know you weareth her drapes?'
Stark: 'That guy is playing Galaga! Thought we wouldn't notice. But we did.'
Rogers: 'How can you not trust Fury?'
Stark: 'He's a spy. He's the spy. His secrets have secrets.'
Stark: 'Jarvis, are you familiar with the story of Jonah?'
JARVIS: 'Er, I wouldn't take him as a role-model sir.'
*Iron Man flies through a Leviathan*
Loki: 'If its all the same to you...I'll take that drink now.'
Loki: 'Please tell me you're going to appeal to my humanity.'
Stark: 'Actually, I was planning on threatening you.'
Coulson: 'We salvaged the technology from the destroyer.' *nods to enormous gun* 'I don't even know what this does.'
Coulson: *dying* 'You're going to lose.'
Loki: 'Am I?'
Coulson: 'It's in your nature.'
Loki: 'Your heroes are scattered, your floating fortress falls from the sky...where is my disadvantage?'
Coulson: 'You lack conviction.' *pulls trigger and blasts Loki through the wall*
Coulson: 'So thats what it does...'
Thor: 'We on Asgard pretend we are more advanced, but we, we come here battling like Bilgesnipe.'
Coulson: 'Like what?'
Thor: 'The Bilgesnipe. You know, huge, scaly, big antlers - you don't have those?'
Coulson: 'Don't think so.'
Thor: 'Well they are repulsive. And they trample everything in their path.'
Stark: 'Is Banner there yet?'
Romanoff: 'Banner? No.'
Stark: 'Oh. Well, keep me posted.'
Rogers: 'Stark? He got him.'
Rogers: 'Just like you said.'
Stark: 'Then tell him to suit up...I'm bringing the party to you.'
Hill: 'Sir, those cards were in his locker, not his pocket.'
Fury: 'They needed the extra push.'
*Sees Iron Man and the quinjet take off*
Fury: 'They got it.'
Romanoff: 'Are you all really that naive? SHIELD monitors all potential threats.'
Banner: 'Captain America is on the potential threat watch list?'
Stark: *to Cap* 'You're on that list? Are you above or below angry bees?'
Rogers: 'I swear to God Stark, one more crack...'
Stark: 'Threatening! I feel threatened!'
Romanoff: 'Doctor, we are facing a global catastrophe.'
Banner: 'Well, those I actively try to avoid.'
Coulson: 'We need you to bring in the Big Guy.'
Romanoff: 'Coulson, you know Stark trusts me about as far as he can throw me.'
Coulson: 'Oh, I've got Stark. You're getting the Big Guy.'
Romanoff realised he's talking about Banner
Romanoff: 'Bozhe moi.' (My God)
*Watching Captain America getting beaten up by Loki*
Romanoff: 'He's getting thrown around out there.'
*Suddenly the comms crackle and start playing 'Shoot to Thrill'*
Stark: 'Hey, Agent Romanoff...you miss me?'
Romanoff: *Rolls eyes*
Rogers: 'Stark, are you seeing this?'
Stark: 'Seeing - still working on believing.'
Fury: 'Agent Romanoff, would you kindly escort Doctor Banner to his-'
Banner: 'To where? You rented my room.'
Fury: 'The cell was built-'
Banner: 'In case you needed to kill me, but you can't, I tried.
*Everyone stares at him*
Banner: 'I got low, I didn't see an end so I put a bullet in my mouth and the other guy spat it out. So I moved on, I focused on helping other people. I was good until you dragged me back into this freak show and put everyone here at risk!'
Hill: 'Might wanna sit this one out Cap.'
Rogers: 'How can I?'
Hill: 'These guys come from legends Captain; they're basically Gods.'
Rogers: 'There's only one God, ma'am, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't dress like that.'
Rogers: 'Is this a submarine?'
Banner: 'Really? They want me submerged in a pressurised container?'
Hill: 'Sir, now that the threat is over...what happens to the Avengers Initiative?'
Fury: 'It will come back when the time arises for it to be used again.'
Hill: 'And why would they come back?'
Fury: 'Because we'll need them to.'
Loki: 'And what do I have to fear?'
Stark: 'The Avengers. Thats what we call ourselves; sort of like a team. Earth's mightiest heroes type thing.'
Loki: 'How will your friends have timee for me, when they'll be too busy fighting you?'
*taps Tony with his sceptre and nothing happens. He tries again, same result*
Loki: '...this usually works.'
Stark: 'Performance issues?'
Stark: 'Lets do a headcount. Your brother; the demi-god. A super-soldier; a living legend who kind of lives up the the legend. A guy with breath taking anger management issues. Two master assassins...and you, big fella, you've managed to piss off every single of them.'
Loki: 'That was the plan.'
Stark: 'Not a great plan'
*Thor hits Iron Man with a bolt of lightening*
JARVIS: 'Suit power to 400%'
Stark: '...well how about that?'
Loki: 'They thing us immortal...shall we test that?'
World Security Council: 'And they took the Tesseract. That wasn't your call to make.'
Fury: 'I didn't make it. I just didn't argue with the god that did.'
Stark: 'Why is this about me suddenly?'
Rogers: 'Oh, I'm sorry, isn't everything always about you?'
Stark: 'Jarvis, deploy. Deploy!'
Rogers: 'Does Loki need any particular kind of power source?'
Banner: 'Hr's got to heat the cube to 127 million Kelvin just to break through the Coulomb barrier.'
Stark: 'Unless Selvig has figured out how to stabilize the quantum tunnelling effect.'
Banner: 'Well if he could do that he could achieve Heavy Ion Fusion at any reactor on the planet.'
Stark: 'Finally, someone who speaks English.'
Rogers: 'Is that what just happened?'
Rogers: 'Lets start with that stick of his. It may be magical, but it works a awful lot like a HYDRA weapon.'
Fury: 'I don't know about that, but it is powered by the cube. And I'd like to know how Loki used it to turn two of the sharpest men I know into his personal flying monkeys.'
Thor: 'Monkeys? I do not understand.'
Rogers: 'I do!' *looks excited* 'I understood that reference.'
Fury: 'Agent Coulson is down.'
SHIELD Agent: 'Paramedics are on their way.'
Fury: 'They're here - they called it.'
Stark: *looking at screens all around him* 'How does Fury see these?'
Hill: *deadpan* 'He turns.'
Stark: 'Huh. Sounds exhausting.'
Banner: 'What are we, a team? No, no, no. We're a chemical mixture that makes chaos. We're - we're a time bomb!'
Romanoff: 'Come on Stark.'
Young SHIELD pilot: 'You're not authorised to be here!'
Rogers: 'Son...just don't.'
Banner: 'Stop lying to me!'
*Natasha points a gun in his face*
Banner: 'Sorry, that was mean; I just wanted to see what you'd do. Now how about we do this the easy way where you don't use that and the other guy doesn't make a mess?'
Fury: 'Doctor Banner, thank you for joining us.'
Banner: 'Thank you for asking nicely.'
World Security Council: 'Director Fury, the council has reached a decision.'
Fury: 'I recognise that the council has reached a decision, but given that its a stupid-ass decision, I've elected to ignore it.'
Coulson: *over the phone* 'Mr Stark, we need to talk.'
Stark: 'You have reached the life-model decoy of Tony Stark. Please leave a message.'
Coulson: 'This is urgent.'
Stark: 'Then leave it urgently.'
Fury: 'We have no quarrel with your people.'
Loki: 'An ant has no quarrel with a boot.'
Fury: *points at Loki's cage* 'Ant.' *points at machine that drops it out of the sky* 'Boot. See what I'm getting at?'
Romanoff: 'Regimes fall every day. I tend not to weep over that; I'm Russian.'
Romanoff: 'I've got red in my ledger. I'd like to wipe it out.'
Loki: 'I won't touch Barton, not until I make him kill you! Slowly, intimately, in every way he knows you fear! And then I'll let him go, he'll have just enough time to see his good work, and then when he screams, I'll break his skull!'
Servant hands Thor his helmet
Loki: 'Nice feathers.'
Thor: 'Do you really want to start this again, Cow?'
Loki: 'I was being sincere!'
Thor: 'You are incapable of sincerity.'
Loki: 'Am I?'
Loki: 'I have looked forward to this day as long as you have. You are my brother, you are my friend. Sometimes, I am envious, but I will never doubt you.'
Thor: 'Thank you.'
Loki: 'Now give us a kiss.'
EARTH'S MIGHTIEST HEROES (Not to be confused with the Avengers, although thats what they are)
Black Panther: 'I am an Avenger, and I will meet my end with pride.'
Hawkeye: '...I'm gonna meet mine with kicking and screaming.'
Zemo: 'Amusing. Did you really believe the two of you could defeat all of us?'
Hawkeye: 'Weird. Purple-puss here seems to think we were trying to defeat him.'
Black Panther: 'I heard. He is misguided. We were not trying to defeat your team. We were simply allowing Ant-man uninterrupted access to his lab.'
Hawkeye: 'Yeah, we picked him up from the Raconden Embassy while you tools were starting your little seige here. He just needed to get a few things.'
*Ant-man appears and starts trashing bad-guys*
Narrator: 'Did you know Switzerland used to shoot down any planes that flew into their airspace, whether Allied or Axis? They did it to maintain their neutrality. Apparently neutrality means stay the f*ck out.'
Italy is driving like a lunatic with Japan in the passesnger seat. Japan's head looks like it is about to come off, and when Italy finally stops, he is shaking and terrified in the back seat.
Narrator: 'So now you know why the Japanese make such safe cars. And what they sound like when they piss themselves.'
Me and my friend talking about how our minds are permanently in the gutter.
Penguin: 'I like the gutter, you find all sorts of stuff there.'
Me: 'Like buttons.'
Me: 'And mud.'
Penguin: 'More than likely.'
Me: 'And I once found a plastic bag someone had peed in, but I think that was a one off.'
Penguin: '... too far.'
Me and my friend, talking about 'thinking faces'
Me: 'My thinking face is like...' *pulls weird face*
Friend: 'When I'm thinking, I have no face.'
James McAvoy being interviewed about X-men, First Class
Interviewer: So what do you think is the most annoying question to be asked at the end of an interview?
James: 'How many times did you have sex with Michael Fassbender.'
Interviewer: 'To which the answer was...?'
Mark Ruffalo on advice given by RDJ when filming Avengers
Mark: 'Yeah, you gave me a lot of advice.'
RDJ: 'Did I? Like what?'
Mark: 'You said "Mark...be good."'
Scarlett Johanssen being questioned on the lack of romance in the Avengers
Scarlett: 'There's no time for romance, we have shit to avenge!'
Jude Law on being asked for a time-frame to expect a Sherlock Holmes 3
Jude: 'I don't know. Downey is running round in that bloody suit again. And you know...I can't get him out of it. He's flying somewhere over Los Angeles as we speak.'
On winning an award, and beating Matt Damon
RDJ: 'First off, I'd like to thank Susan Downey for telling me Matt Damon was going to win, and not to bother to prepare a speech.'
RDJ: 'My best quality is my extreme humility.' pause *giggles*
Me: 'So I heard Tom Hiddleston in an interview-'
Dad: 'Who's Tom Hiddleston?'
Me: 'Played Loki in the Avengers'
Dad: *blank face* 'Who?'
Me: 'The bad guy.'
Dad: *blank face*
Me: 'Black hair.'
Dad: *blank face*
Me: 'Big golden horns. Lots of green and black leather.'
Dad: *blank face*
Me: 'You have seen the Avengers?'
Me: 'He's sort of a prominent character.'
Avengers alternate ending - NOT MINE, I JUST READ IT SOMEWHERE
Loki: 'Here. The Tesseract is yours. Take it.'
Tony: 'I don't like being handed things.'
Another Avengers alternate ending - ALSO NOT MINE!!!
Loki: 'You mewling quim!'
Frigga: 'LOKI BARTHOLEMEW ODINSON!!!'
Tom Hardy on fighting in Batman
Tom: 'Oh, it was a bit scary actually. I thought I could handle Christian on his own, but then he dressed up as Batman and my arsehole fell out. Is that live?'
RDJ's character in Tropic Thunder
RDJ: 'I know who I am! I'm the dude playing a dude, disguised as another dude!'
Tom Hiddleston on how it feels to be in the Avengers
Tom: 'In 2008, I saw a small, indepedent picture called 'Iron Man', and I thought to myself 'I'll probably never be in a film like that.' I'm still pinching myself three years later - I've actually thrown Iron Man out of a window.'