Bonjour! I'm Alyssa. You can just call me Aly, most people do. If you are taking the time to read this, all you really should read is this paragraph because all the rest is really just...randomness.Hmm...what else? Well, I would like to be an actress or a childhood teacher when I am older. I spoke Spanish as my first language when I was younger, but now speak English, and I'm learning French.
I will begin to write my first fanfic on this site when I get some good ideas and inspiration. I have plenty of fanfictions by me written in notebooks from the Twilight Saga, Vampire Diaries series, Percy Jackson series, and the Dark Guardian series, but I never feels as if they are complete. I guess I could be considered a "perfectionist," a quality I would rather not possess. If you have any ideas of things you would like to read, I would love to hear them, and maybe I can write a story that can be based off what you want.
Songs that give me inspiration and make me want to make changes in the world-- "Another Day in Paradise" ~Phil Collins, "Man in the Mirror" ~Michael Jackson, "We are the World" ~Michael Jackson and other celebrities, "Angel" ~Sarah McLachlan
Check out my three fanfiction friends' stories-Princess in Converse, Sylviah Elric, and punkpook.
Life is like a movie-
If you are sad: Drama
If you are afraid: Suspense
If you are angry: Action
When you look in the mirror: Horror
Now you are smiling: That's comedy
Color: Lime Green
Actors: Boo Boo Stewart, Blair Redford, Ian Somerhalder, Jackson Rathbone, Alex Meraz, Taylor Lautner, Casey James, Orlando Bloom, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Benjamin Stone
Actresses: Ashley Greene, Ariana Grande, Nikki Reed, Kristen Stewart, Tinsel Korey, and Julia Jones
Movie: Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Percy Jackson, Sorcerer's Apprentice, Elf, Secret Life of Bees, Sharkboy and Lavagirl, Lord of The Rings, Pirates of The Caribbean, Harry Potter
Song: "It Will Rain"~Bruno Mars, "Beautifully" ~Jay Brannan, "D'amour ou d'amitié" ~Céline Dion
Band: Paramore, Allstar Weekend
Subject: Theater, French, Art, English, Spanish
Clothing: Basically, I love to dress up (skirts, dresses, etc,) But I love comfy and cute (hoodies, etc.)
Word: uncharacteristically (Why? Because it is the longest real word I know, and I found it in Twilight -when Jasper uncharacteristically moves closer to Bella.)
Noise: happy squeals of little kids
Books: Twilight Saga, In the Forest of the Night series, Dark Guardians series, Harry Potter series, Vampire Diaries series, Percy Jackson series
Animals: Wolves, elephants
Fictional and Literary Characters: Edward Cullen, Carlisle Cullen, Bella Swan, Alice Cullen, Jasper Hale, Rosalie Hale, Esme Cullen, Emmett Cullen, Jacob Black, Sam Uley, Paul, Jared, Leah Clearwater, Renesmee Cullen, Seth Clearwater, Embry Call, Quil, Emily, Alec, Victoria, Jane, James, Laurent, Bree Tanner, and all the other Twilight Saga characters. Also, Elena Gilbert, Damon and Stefan Salvatore, Margret, Bonnie, Jeremy, Meredith, Matt, Tyler, Caroline, Vickie, Katherine, and all the other Vampire Diary characters. Percy Jackson, Annabeth Chase, Luke Castellan, Grover, and all the other Percy Jackson characters.
Favorite pastimes: Acting, writing, singing, listening to music, hanging with friends, reading, dancing, and sketching
I am: an extreme Twilight obsessed fan girl
I have: my dialogue from Princess Bride running through my head
If I was trapped one an island with only one thing, it would be: Twilight Saga
I love: supernatural creatures
I have never: wanted anything more than to be an actress
Obsessions: Twilight, Vampire Diaries, Percy Jackson, any super natural creature
Random Things I found out: Don’t grab a curling iron by the wrong end when it is on. It’s hot. haha, you learn that the hard way(:
Ten Random Facts About Me That You'll Never Need To Know:
1. I wish to be an actress, but don’t know where/how to start. (thank you Princess in Converse for information!)
2. I constantly wish I was in Forks, La Push, Voltura, or anywhere Twilight related.
3. Summer is my favorite season.
4. I’m on Team Jasper, Team Jacob, Team Seth, and Team Paul from Twilight.
5. My first fanfiction friend is Sylviah Elric. (Go check out her awesome stories!)
6. I believe supernatural creatures exist with all my heart.
7. I am so weird, but awesome.
8. I am on Team Damon from Vampire Diaries.
9. I can speak some French and Spanish.
10.I am totally and utterly in love and obsessed with Twilight.
I am Mrs. Jasper Hale You are perfect for Jasper. You are caring and whimsical and have a strong personality. You can be passionate, and dramatic, but that's okay, since Jasper knows exactly how to calm you down.
I keep trying to kidnap Jasper, but Alice is always at his window with a bat waiting for me...How does she kn- Ohhh, right!
NORMAL PEOPLE: say OMG!
PJO FANS: say OH MY GODS! (of-course!)
NORMAL PEOPLE: go to a psychiatrist to tell their feelings
NORMAL PEOPLE: say shut up or i'll tell on you!
NORMAL PEOPLE: think that PJO fans are stupid
NORMAL PEOPLE: when being chased yell HELP ME SOMEBODY!
NORMAL PEOPLE: get nervous/scared during thunderstorms
NORMAL PEOPLE: would choose somewhere sunny to go for vacation
Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts:
1) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.
2) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office.
3) I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.
4) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.
5) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar.
6) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination.
7) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after me lucky charms."
8) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this years Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's taste-less, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.
9) I am not allowed to joke about Remus' "time of the month."
10) I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand.
12) I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force."
13) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work."
14) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot.
15) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it.
16) I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive.
17) I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast.
18) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day."
19) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways.
20) It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor.
21) I will not say the phrase, "Get a Life" to Voldemort.
22) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy.
23) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling.
24) I will stop referring to showering as "Giving Moaning-Myrtle an eye-full."
25) I will not make, "OMGWTF" a spell.
26) It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate.
27) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways.
28) I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor shall I insist that their color's indicate that they're "covered in bees."
29) "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.
30) I will not go to class skyclad.
31) I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "Told you I was Hard Core."
32) If a class-mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.
33) House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.
34) I will not start every potion's class by asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as Body Lotion.
35) I will not call the Weasley twins, "bookends."
36) I will not call the Patil twins, "bookends."
37) I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak.
38) There is no such thing as a were-thylacine.
39) I will not give Luna Lovegood Coast-To-Coast AM transcripts.
40) Tricking a school House Elf to strip of it's clothing does not make it mine. Yes, even when I yell out "PWND!"
41) I do not weigh the same as a Duck.
42) I do not have a Dalek Patronus.
43) I will not lick Trevor.
44) Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labeled, "Firewhiskey."
45) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween.
46) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself to seriously.
47) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions.
48) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet.
49) "To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice.
50) I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God.
Things I'm NOT Allowed to do at camp Halfblood:
1. I will not hug Mr. D., nor will I come into personal contact with him, whatsoever.
2. Telling campers ‘save a Pegasus ride a demi-god’ is not funny, just very dirty.
3. Telling campers ‘save a demi-god, ride a centaur’ is not permitted, and Chiron will most likely kill me.
4. Singing “Like a Virgin” in front of the hunters is not funny, no matter how many people laugh.
5. I will not give Luke a hug, no matter how much he needs one.
6. I will not sing “Hey Hade’s, you’re so Fine”, ever.
7. Referring to Mr. D. as the drunken fat guy is not permitted, and will also get me turned into a grape.
8. I will not braid Chiron’s tail and call him my pretty pony.
9. I will not ask Chiron boxers or briefs, because he obviously doesn’t wear underwear.
10. I will not point out the fact that Chiron doesn’t wear underwear.
11. I will not ask Chiron if horses do it better.
12. I will not sing “You and me baby ain’t nothing but mammals, so let’s do it like they do it on Discovery Channel” to Chiron.
13. Calling Kronos a meanie-but will get me killed, and isn’t a smart idea.
14. Grover does not need to shave his legs, and I will stop saying so.
15. Juniper is not cheating on Grover with all the tree huggers at camp.
16. I will not tell Annabeth that Percy hates blondes with a fiery passion from the bottom of his heart. It’s just plain mean.
17. The goods are not bimbos or jingaloes.
18. Calling the gods sexy beasts might make them feel better, but is not permitted.
19. I will not yell out that Kronos is coming and watch every one freak out.
20. I will not tell the Aphrodite girls that Clarisse says she’s prettier than them.
21. I will not aim for the satyrs during archery.
22. I will not make pot brownies and sell them to the campers, because an A.D.H.D. kid on marijuana is just a mess.
23. Singing the Mission Impossible theme song for every quest I go on just gets annoying.
24. Correcting Annabeth is a bad idea.
25. Dumping glitter on Mr. D. and taping a note to his back that says ‘I feel pretty’, then blaming it on Percy is not permitted.
26. Telling all the gods their attack and defense points is annoying.
27. I will not dress up as a hellhound for Halloween and run around jumping on every one.
28. I will not make fun of Artemis because she looks twelve.
29. I will not steal Percy’s Minotaur horn, tape it to my forehead, and run around saying I’m a unicorn.
30. I will not start dancing on the table in the dining hall singing “La Vie Boehme” from Rent.
31. Using Annabeth’s invisible Yankee cap to give people wedgies is not permitted.
32. Travis and Cole are not ‘butt-buddies’.
33. Making enemies with the gods is a bad idea, even if it is fun.
34. Asking Rachael what the answers to the SAT are is cheating, and not permitted.
35. I will not give energy drinks to any of the campers.
36. I will not feed Grover my enemies’ clothes.
37. Percy’s nickname is not Shark Boy.
38. Despite Annabeth’s temper, her nickname is not Lava Girl.
39. Singing “Strawberry Fields Forever” in the strawberry patches gets annoying after a while.
40. I will not jump on Chiron and yell ‘Giddy up!’
Sparkle you fool!...Sparkle!
Whenever i hear thunder i wonder if vampire's are playing basball
Give blood. Carlisle would approve
This Hostage stuff is fun
Superman wears Alice Cullens' Pajamas
Silver Volvos make me squeal like a fan girl
TWILIGHT.Give me the book before someone gets hurt
I punched a werewolf in the face
Zac Efron is jealous of Edward Cullen
Jacob glared at the kids dressed as vampire's. He knew it was wrong but he lied and said there was no candy left.
Dracula? pfft, more like Jasper Hale
I'm glad Edward didn't kill you. It's so much funnier with you around.
This is my werewolf face
Did you seriously just stamp your foot? I thought girls only did that on tv.
Emmett = Big Teddy Bear
Edward = Simply Dazzling
Jasper = Walking Chill Pill
Ohh i think we can handle that
I keep trying to kidnap Jasper but Alice is always outside the window with a bat waiting for me.How does she kn- Ohhh Righttttt...
Team Jasper- Hotter Than Jacob,Cooler Than Edward
"For the First Time, I felt Hope"-Jazzy!
How you know if you're obsessed with Percy Jackson and the Olympians:
NORMAL PEOPLE: rely on their local weatherman for the weather forecast
TWILIGHT FANS: would rather rely on Alice for future predictions
NORMAL PEOPLE: say OMG!
TWILIGHT FANS: say OH MY EDWARD!! (OME)
NORMAL PEOPLE: go to a psychiatrist to tell their feelings
TWILIGHT FANS: know that Jasper already can sense their feelings without saying a word
NORMAL PEOPLE: say shut up or i'll tell on you!
TWILIGHT FANS: say shut up or i'll provoke the Volturi and blame you
NORMAL PEOPLE: think that vampires are all like Dracula
TWILIGHT FANS: know A LOT better and absolutely love the Cullen vampires
NORMAL PEOPLE: when being chased yell HELP ME SOMEBODY!
TWILIGHT FANS: when being chased yell EDWARD SAVE ME!!
NORMAL PEOPLE: get nervous/scared during thunderstorms
TWILIGHT FANS: know that the Cullens might be playing baseball somewhere and Emmett was just at bat ;)
NORMAL PEOPLE: would choose somewhere sunny to go for vacation
TWILIGHT FANS: would go directly to FORKS WASHINGTON
NORMAL PEOPLE:dont have this on there profile
TWILIGHT FANS: MUST have this on there profile!!
Funny Ways To Waste Time
Blink wildly and then close your eyes really tight for an interesting light show
See how long you can hold a note
Try to not think about penguins
Use your secret mind power
Pretend you're a robot
Rate passers by
Repeat the same word over and over until it loses its meaning
Try to swallow your tongue
Pretend to be a car
Make Star Trek door noises
Look at something for awhile, shut eyes, study after image
Get yourself as nauseated as possible
Invent a weird twitch
Make a low buzzing noise
In order to get to heaven, you have to make a little hell.
If you try and don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
You ask for advice? Yeah, not so good at that. May I offer you a sarcastic comment instead?
Don't play games with someone who can play better.
Amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic.
Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.
It's all fun and games until someone get hurt...then its hilarious.
You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?
I live in a world full of bunnies and unicorns...but the bunnies are cutting themselves and the unicorns are acting all emo again.
Never go to bed angry, stay up and plot your revenge.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
The more I learn, the less I understand.
"My mind works like lightning...one brilliant flash and it's gone."
"If the opposite of 'pro' is 'con', then what's the opposite of 'progress'?"
"Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."
“Believe those who are seeking the truth; doubt those who find it.” -Andre Gide
“Fear grows in darkness; if you think there's a bogeyman around, turn on the light.” -Dorothy Thompson
“Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love."
How on earth can you explain in terms of chemistry and physics
“Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.” -Woody Allen
“Life isn't fair. It's just fairer than death, that's all. “ -William Goldman, "The Princess Bride"
Life is rather like a tin of sardines - we're all of us looking for the key. - Alan Bennett
"Stand up to be seen, speak up to be heard"
"A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart."
“We do not remember days; we remember moments.” -Cesare Pavese, The Burning Brand
My name is Chris
We realize that this is an important situation and at least 5 children each day, from around the world, die from child abuse. Child cruelty/abuse is real and things like this happen to some abused children everyday. So next to time you fight with your parents or think your life is horrible, think of these abused children and realize your parents love you and your life isn't anywhere near as horrible as you think it is. Be thankful you are loved and not threatened each day. Be thankful you are allowed to eat and have friends and sleep in a bed. Thank you for taking the time to read this and if you chose to pass this on thank you for helping spread the awareness of child cruelty/abuse.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF...
You talk to yourself a lot. (e.g. 'If I had an Apple, and Edward Cullen had a Banana, would that make me his lemon?'
You talk to yourself about talking to yourself. (e.g. 'Why do I constantly ask my self random things?')
When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. (e.g. 'Have you ever noticed that deliver could mean someone's liver?')
After uttering a profound peice of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, 'Holy crap, this stuff is great for sugar highs...'
You live off of sugar and caffine (the two greatest things ever discovered!)
You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then dissappear off the face of the earth.
You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.
When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.
You tend to collect Bic Stics off the ground like picking pennies off the ground.
No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.
The letters on your keyboard are wearing off.
Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome.
People think you have A.D.D.
You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D.
You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense.
You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason
Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.
And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101.
If you've ever fallen down the stairs and laughed because it was something Bella would do and then cried because Edward wasn't there to catch you... copy/paste this into your profile.
If you think that Twilight is the best book know to woman... (and man!) copy/paste this into your profile.
If you've reread Twilight over 10 times... copy/paste this into your profile.
You know your Twilight addiction is getting dangerous when you've added "Volterra" into your computer's dictionary. If you have done just that... copy/paste this into your profile.
If you are TEAM SWITZERLAND... copy/paste this into your profile.
If you think Edward Cullen and Jacob Black are equally hott... copy/paste this into your profile.
IF YOU LOVE JASPER HALE... COPY/PASTE THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE... AND SCREAM!
IF YOU LOVE PAUL... COPY/PASTE THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE... AND SCREAM!
IF YOU LOVE SETH CLEARWATER... COPY/PASTE THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE... AND SCREAM!
IF YOU LOVE ALEC VOLTURI... COPY/PASTE THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE... AND SCREAM!
IF YOU LOVE JACOB BLACK... COPY/PASTE THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE... AND SCREAM!
If your a proud stalker, and obsessed star-crossed lover of Edward Anthony Masen Cullen... copy/paste this into your profile.
If you have ever been so obsessed with Twilight, that whenever you hear thunder, you think of vampires playing baseball... copy/paste this into your profile.
If you are counting the days until Breaking Dawn comes out... copy/paste this into your profile.
If you are willing to admit that you are absolutely in love with Jasper Hale, a completely fictional character... copy/paste this into your profile.
If you truly believe that there is an Seth Clearwater out there somewhere for you (his name doesn't have to be Seth...) copy/paste this into your profile.
92 percent of the teen population would be dead if Abercrombie and Fitch said it wasn't cool to breathe anymore. Put this in your bio if you are one of the 8 who would be laughing your keester off.
If you've ever had a really (and I mean really) obvious revelation, such as "my gosh, I get it, it's called fall, because the leaves fall from the trees!" copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly stupid, copy and paste this into your profile.
If short people will one day rule the world copy and past this onto your profile.
If you too are in love with a fictional vampire named Jasper Hale and are unashamed to admit it, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you've ever spelled your name wrong, copy and paste this into your profile
If you're happy and you know it clap your hands...and then copy and paste this into your profile.
If you're sick of seeing the "Copy and Paste" junk on other people's profile and just want basic info not "copy and paste" crap, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you hate "Copy and Paste" junk in general, but at times can't resist doing it anyways...come on. You know you want to...
"Goodbye Jacob, my brother...my son."
"What do you call a blonde with a brain? A Golden Retriever"
"Early marraige was higher up on her blacklist than boiling live puppies"
"I'll stop by your crypt after school."
"You're wounding my ego, Bella. I just proposed to you, and you think it's a joke."
“I’m really glad Edward didn’t kill you. Everything’s so much more fun with you around.”
Emmet: "Fall again, Bella?"
"Did you seriously just stomp your foot? I thought girls only did that on TV..."
"How strongly are you opposed to grand theft auto?"
"I've never seen anyone so prone to life-threatening idiocy in my life!"
"In what strange parallel dimension would I ever have gone to prom of my own free will?"
Afraid of a needle." he muttered to himself under his breath, shaking his head. "Oh, a sadistic vampire, intent on torturing her to death, sure, no problem, she runs off to meet him. An IV, on the other hand..."
Layla: Wow, that is really deep!
I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request. Means "no".
Murtogg: The Black Pearl is a real ship.
Will Turner: Where's Elizabeth?
Willy Wonka: Everything here is edible. I'm edible, but that my children, is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.
Emmett Cullen: Stronger Than You since 1916
Jasper Hale: Smoother Than You since 1843
Alice Cullen: Quirkier Than You since 1901
Rosalie Hale: Prettier Than You since 1916
Edward Cullen: Sexier Than You since 1901
Lessons Learned in Twilight:
1. You can enjoy the banquet while resisting the wine.
My Mother Taught Me…
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
- If you're gonna be two-faced, sweetie at least make one of them pretty.
- All work and no play means you will die in seven days... dun dun duuun.
- I run with scissors; it makes me feel dangerous.
- Don't worry about the world coming to an end today; its already tomorrow in Australia.
- Kids are the future. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
- They say "guns don't kill people, people kill people.' Well, I think the gun helps, 'cause if you just stood ther and yelled BANG, I dont think you'd kill too many people.
- So, if guns kill people, can I blame misspelled words on my pencil?
- People are like slinkies; basically useless, but so amusing to watch fall down the stairs.
- Children in the dark make accidents. Accidents in the dark make children.
- Closed minds always seem to be connected to open mouths.
- Yeah, I'm a loser, but the coolest loser you'll ever meet.
- Cute but psycho- things even out.
- Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.
- I am generally very brave. Today, I just happen to have a headache.
- I find 'good morning' a contradiction of terms.
- I've heard that it's possible to grow up. I've just never met anyone who's actually done it.
- No I won't go to hell! It has a restraining order against me.
- You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
- 'It's always the last place you look'. Well of course it is! Why the heck would I keep looking after I found it!
- When Life gives you lemons, throw them back, because I mean really, who likes lemons?
- When Life gives you lemons, make grape juice, and sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.
- When Life gives you lemons, squirt them in Life's eye, and see how much Life likes lemons then.
- When Life gives you lemons, alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS!
- I would be more scared if you were aiming for the person next to me.
- I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
- I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.
- Life is all about ass. Everyone's either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, trying to get a piece of it, or simply just being one.
- Why do people always say life is short. Life is the longest damn thing you can do.
- Love your enemies. It pisses them off.
- Oops! Did my sarcasm hurt your feelings?
- I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out.
- I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind! But not my brain- I need that.
- Practice makes perfect. But nobody's perfect, so why practice?
- Nobody is perfect. I am nobody.
- Life isnt passing me by; it's trying to run me over.
- Between two evils, I always pick the one I've never tried.
- Shit happens. But mostly to me, so dont worry.
- Shut up voices! Or I'll poke you with a Q-tip again!
- Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door.
- Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried skydiving without a parachute... Or maybe they did. I mean we never really met whoever said it, did we?
- Smile; it makes people wonder what you're up to.
- I talk to myself because my answers are the only ones I accept!
- Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap... you decide.
- I was uncool before uncool was cool.
- Why get high when there are other ways to achieve a smug sense of superiority- sarcasm: my anti-drug.
- Caution: I tend to make wierd faces.
- I like the idea of karma; you can go around and do bad things to people all day assuming they deserve it.
- I used to see a shrink... until she said life isn't for everyone.
- You have one advantage over me: you can kiss my ass. I cant.
- I can resist anything but temptation.
- Excuse me, have you seen my sanity? I think I lost it.
- All those who have telekenesis, raise my hand.
- Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
- How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
- If superman is bulletproof, why does he duck when you throw the gun at him?
- If asteroids are in the hemisphere, and hemroids are on your ass, why are they named the way they are?
- I live in my own little world- but it's okay, they know me there.
- Money can't buy happiness. It just buys everything you need to achieve it.
- Three wise women would have stopped to ask for directions, got to the stable on time, helped deliver the baby, cleaned the stable, cooked the dinner, and then there would have been peace on earth.
- The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.
- I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my super powers.
- Don't call me emo, or I'll cry big juicy tears of blood and pain. And then I'll die and it'll be ALL YOUR FAULT.
- Your weirdness is creeping out my imaginary friend.
- Tell the truth and run.
- If electricity comes from electrons, where do you think morality comes from?
- Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli', meaning many, and 'tics', as in the bloodsucking creatures?
- If everything seems to be going well, you've obviously overlooked something.
- You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump of a cliff, I laugh even harder.
- Friends will always be like 'well you deserve better'. Best friends will go up to him, in front of all his friends, and say 'it's because your gay, isn't it?'
- A good friend will always bail you out of jail. A best friend is sitting there next to you in the cell saying 'man that was fun!'
- Everything in this room is eatable, even I'm eatable. But that is called 'cannibalism' my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies.
- Education is important. school however, is another matter.
- I used to be normal... until I met those freaks i call my friends.
- I don't obsess! I think intensely!
- Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
- Do people even know what 'pro-biotic' and 'omega 3 fatty acids' are? Beacuse the yogurt may taste good, but it sounds pretty gross to me.
- It's not just your family. It's the whole idea of... you know. They're always telling you what to do and what not to do, and it's not conductive to a creative atmosphere!
- Joey ate my last stick of gum. So I killed him... do you think that was wrong?
- All right, all right. If you have to tell her the truth, at least wait until the timing is right... and that's what deathbeds are for.
- Time is a great teacher. Unfortunately, it kills all its pupils.
- The one who smiles when things go wrong, has thought of someone to blame it on.
- Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
- I got you a present; it's a CD. I hope you haven't got it, because I don't have a receipt... and I didn't exactly buy it
- I was born intelligent. Education ruined me.
- If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are these "others" here for?
- Since light travels faster than sound, it explains why people appear bright until you hear them speak.
- How come 'abbreviated' is such a long word?
- Money isn't everything- there's MasterCard and Visa too.
- Behind every successful man there is a woman. Behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
- Success is a relative term. It attracts all the relatives.
- There should be a better way to start the day than waking up every morning.
- 'Hard work never killed anybody' But why take the risk?
- God made relatives. Thank god we can choose our friends.
- The more you learn, the more you know. The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know... so why learn in the first place?
- Reality has no background music... so I make my own (doo do do do do doo)
- Oh, I have a photographic memory... it just hasn't developed yet
- Life is a test- I didn't take very good notes
- Whatever tickles your pickle
- I asked my teacher if I'd get in trouble for something I didn't do. She said of course not, so I told her I didn't do my homework
- No I am not weird... just plotting
- If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms
- You're awesome... but when the zombies come, I'm tripping you
- I'm not crazy, my reality is just different than yours
- If drama was vodka, my whole school would be wasted... except for me of course
- I intend to live forever... so far so good
- Will there be boys there? No mom, its a nun club
- So what's the speed of dark?
- I'm not always a dork- sometimes I'm asleep
- Old enough to know better, young enough to do it again
- Embrace the inner rebel- don't sit up straight
- Sure I have super powers! I just don't wanna show you
- Textually active
- Life is like a box of chocolates- it never lasts (which is so totally true if you stop to think about it instead of thinking it's such an emo thing to say, which I'm sure some of you are)
- The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese!
- The way your mind works gives a whole new meaning to the word complex... and not in a good way
- Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk. The rest of our lives they tell us to just sit down and shut up
- One day we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject
- A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it annoys enough people to make it worth while
- I'm not insensitive, I just don't care
- If two wrongs don't make a right, try three
- When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip 'n slide
- Don't run in school- gliding is more fun!
- Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history
- What happens if you get scared half to death twice? ... oooh the possibilities
-Librarians are the one terrorist group you don't want to mess with - Michael Moore
The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away
When you were 5, your mom gave you a ice cream cone. You thank her by yelling at her that it's the wrong kind.
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels on consumer goods: