Poll: Who do you want me to write a funny FF about? Vote Now!
Author has written 3 stories for Twilight.
My name is Marissa and i'm 16 years old i LOVE twilight and harry potter! i'm currently just spending my time reading fanfictions i'm not writing any at the moment because I always start one and then never finish so right now my stories are on hiatus but maybe sometime I might revisit them, i'm starting to get my passion for writing back it was gone for awhile, but I found it again. hopefully i'll be seeing you soon in some of my future fanfictions.
Annoying Things People Do:
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for
2. People who are willing to get off their butt to
3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your
4. When people say "it's always the last place you
5. When people say while watching a film "did
6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"...
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks
10. When you're eating something and someone asks
'Is that good?' No it's nasty - I always eat stuff I hate.
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels on consumer goods:
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Frito's! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity copy and paste this into your profile!
You're a 90's kid if:
You can finish this 'ice ice _'
20 things to do at Walmart
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
9. Look right into the security camera; & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "go, pikachu, go!"
17. Challenge people to duels in the back aisles with wrapping paper tubes.
18. Have a conversation with yourself loud enough so that people in the other aisles can hear you.
19. Throw things over one aisle into another one.
20. Mark out price tags with a sharpie
26 THINGS TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR
1.When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
2.Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
3.Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
4.Call the Psychic Hot line from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.
5.Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"
6.Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
7.Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
8.Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
9.Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.
10.Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.
11.Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
12.Ask, "Did you feel that?"
13.Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
14.When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"
15.Swat at flies that don't exist.
16.Tell people that you can see their aura.
17.Call out, "Group Hug!"and then enforce it.
18.Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
19.Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"
20.Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
21.Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.
22.Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
23.Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
24.Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
25.Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on".
26.Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is MY personal space!"
11 Comebacks to Use When Voldemort Says He's Going to Kill You If nothing else, you'll definitely be killed! =P
1. "What did I ever do to y...oh, never mind."
2. "Oh, ha ha, you got me!! Am I on Punk'd? Where's the camera guy, huh? Where!?"
3. "Wow, you're even dumber than you look, and that's saying something. What kind of idiot tells their victim what they're about to do?! I'm ready for you now!!" Prepare yourself by getting into various Matrix positions, beckon him with one finger
4. "And she's all 'F.Y.I., he's so into me and not you.' and I'm all 'Yeah, right, whatever.' Oh, I'm sorry! Did you say something?"
5. "Why do you have to be so mean?!" produce fake tears and throw a tantrum
6. "Uh, I'm not here right now. Please leave a message after the beep. BEEEP!!" take off running
7. cackle with laughter "You sound like a girl! Hey honey, come listen to this guy talk!"
8. "My dear snake-man, I must say your manners are quite poor. I have just the thing!" put on record and sing along 'Please - say - please - and - thank you for saying thank you!'
9. "Are you a joke? Clearly you're a joke!"
10. "I'm sensing some self-confidence problems. I hear they have an excellent psychiatric ward at St. Mungo's...and while you're there, maybe you could have them do something about your nose."
11. "Oh yeah, and you've told Harry that how many times now? I'm soooooo scared!"
THE MORSE CODE :
ELECTION - RESULTS:
A DECIMAL POINT:
ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
It's funny how hello is always accompanied by good-bye
Its funny how good memories can start to make you cry
It's funny how forever never seems to really last
It's funny how much you'd lose if you forgot your past
It's funny how your "friends" can just leave you when your down
It's funny how when you need someone there never around
It's funny how people change and think there so much better
It's funny how many lies can be packed into one "love letter"
It's funny how people forgive even thoughthey can't foget
It's funny how one night can contain so much regret
It's funny how ironic life turns out to be
But what's funniest of all, is that none of that is funny to me.
TWILIGHT SAGA QUOATS :-)
"MY MONKEY MAN"... Rosalie Hale-Twilight-Movie
"WHOSE AFRAID OF THE BIG BAD WOLF"... Jacob Black-New Moon-Book
"YOU PUSHY OBNOXIOUS MORONIC DOG"... Bella Swan-Eclipse-Book
"THATS GOOD. HATE IS A PSSIONATE EMOTION"... Jacob Black-Eclipse-Book
"I'LL GIVE YOU PASSIONATE.MURDER THE ULTIMATE CRIME OF PASSION"... Bella Swan-Eclipse-Book
"I'M REALLY GLAD EDWARD DIDN'T KILL YOU.EVERYTHINGS SO MUCH MORE FUN WITH YOU AROUND"... Emmett Cullen-Eclipse-Book
"HEY VAMPIRE GIRL"...Embry Call-Eclipse-Book
"DOES MY BEING HALF NAKED BOTHER YOU?"...Jacob Black-Eclipse-Book
"DO YOU LIKE TO BE SHAGGY"...Bella Swan-Eclipse-Book
"ABOUT 3 THINGS I WAS APSOLUTLY POSITIVE FIRST EDWARD IS VAMPIRE SECOND THERE WAS A PART OF HIM AND I DONT NO HOW DOMINENT THAT PART MIGHT BE THAT THIRSTED FOR MY BLOOD AND THIRD I WAS UNCONDITIONALLY AND IREVOCABLY IN LOVE WITH HIM"...Bella Swan-Twilight-Movie/Book
"IN THE DEAD SILENCE ALL THE DETAILS FELL INTO PLACE FOR ME WITH A BURST OF INTUITION. SOMETHING EDWARD DIDNT WANT ME TO NO. SOMETHING JACOB WOULDNT HAVE KEPT FROM ME... IT WAS NEVER GOING TO END WAS IT?...Bella Swan-Eclipse-Book
"THEN IF YOUR STILL HERE I'M GOING TO HUNT UP A CROWBAR"...Bella Swan-Eclipse-Book
"BABE,COME ON ITS JUST A GAME"..."Emmett Cullen-Twilight-Movie
"THE WOLFS OUT OF THE BAG NOW"...Embry call-New Moon-Book-Movie