THINGS TO DO WHEN IN WAL-MART
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples' carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in houseware to go off at 5 minute
3 . Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor to the toilet.
4. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on hold.
5. Move a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
6. Set up a tent in the houseware and tell other shoppers you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
7. When an assistant asks if they can help you, begin to cry and
8. While handling knives in the kitchen ware department ask the clerk
9. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme
10. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through shout,
11. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream, "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"
12. Go into a fitting room and yell real loudly..."Hey! We're out of
13. Go into the Butchers Department and start rubbing steaks up and down on your face saying " oooohhhh that feels so good"
14. Go to the fruit and veg department - get two bananas' and put one in each pocket - walk around the store calling everyone pilgrim in your best John wayne accent sporadically whipping them out of you pocket - making gun
15. Bring your own DVD, popcorn, sweets, drinks and nibbles and pick a
16. Take boneless chicken breasts out of the packet and throw them skyward whilst screaming" Fly my little ones, fly and be free!"
17. Randomly jump into people's shopping carts asking "Will you be my mommy?"
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never seen you cry.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Are for awhile.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you’ve had enough.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will ignore this
Copy and paste this poem in your profiles if you are against child abuse:
My name is Sarah
If you can read this message, you are blessed because over two billion people in the world cannot read at all:
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.
The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid.
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy,
it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are,
the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.
The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef,
but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?
Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!
If you could read that put it in your profile!
This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her when she was still alive. The murderer chanted," Toma Sota balcu," as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this on your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded.
You know what Mommy
You went to the doctor today.
I can hear that doctor again.
Every Abortion Is Just . . .
One more heart that was stopped.
If you're against abortion, re-post this
If you hate stereotypes and think people should just shut up and stop POST THIS. Pick the stereotype that fits you.
I'M SKINNY so I MUST be anorexic
I'M EMO so I MUST cut my wrists
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun
I'm BLONDE so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat
I'm ATHEIST, so i MUST hate the world
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash
I TAKE(or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore
I wear SKIRTS, so I MUST be a slut
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals
I'm ITALIAN, so I MUST have a big DICK
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I MUST be a TERRORIST!!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention
I'm, INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fing them all
I have BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that's how Russians roll
I'm GERMAN, so I MUST be a Nazi
I hang out with GAYS, so I MUST be GAY TOO
I'm Brazilian, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy
I'm HAWAIIAN, so I MUST be lazy
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas
I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction
I'm a VIRGIN, so I MUST be prude
I'm STRAIGHT EDGE, so I MUST be violent
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly..or crazy
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid
I'm BI so I MUST think every girl I see is hot
I'm a GIRL WHO ACTUALLY EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat
I'm SINGL so I MUST be ugly
I'm ASIAN so I MUST be a NERD who does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals
I'm MIXED so I MUST be fed up
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork
I'm BLACK, so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH, so I MUST worship the devil
I Love SHOPPING, so I MUST be rich
I'm an OG so I MUST be Mexican
I don't EAT very often, so I MUST be anorexic
I'm a SOCCER player so I MUST take things ta the face DAILY
I'm not RICH so I MUST steal to get the things I have