As Clumsy As Me
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Joined 09-27-09, id: 2097580, Profile Updated: 03-26-10
Author has written 2 stories for Twilight.

Hi guys I'm Cathy aka As Clumsy As Me ( I know that my name is gramatically incorrect but whatever)

I'm from Jamaica.

I'm a teen.

Ever since my best friend ordered me to read a story here on fan fiction I've been hooked. This has also been a way to feed my addiction after I read the twilight series. My hobby is reading fan fiction but after my same friend begged me to join, I've decided to give a try at writing.

TEAM EDWARD ALL THE WAY!!

I love deep stories with twist where the plot is not predictible. I LOVE cliff-hangers so yeah

Please read and review my stories

I accept constructive criticism.

I've just uploaded my second story called Il Segreto e Stato Svelota which is Italian for ' The Secret is Out'. It was formerly Manifestation of 2016, but I figured that my Italian name would spark more interest. (AN: if your wandering I looked up the phrase in Italian online. I do not know anything in Italian nor have any Italian background that I know of)

Yes I am aware that I haven't updated my stories in a while, but it's because of school and exams. Now it's Easter break so I have a chance to start writing again.

My Quote of the week: Formula for success: rise early, work hard, strike oil (J.Paul Getty)

I'm SKINNY so I MUST be anorexic

I'm EMO so I MUST cut my wrists.

I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun

I'm BLONDE so I MUST be a ditz

I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed ( this one really annoys me)

I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat

I'm ASIAN so I MUST be sexy

I'm JEWISH so I MUST be greedy

I'm GAY so I MUST have AIDS

I'm ARAB so I MUST be a terrorist

I SPEAK MY MIND so I MUST be a bitch

I'm RELIGIOUS so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat

I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world

I'm NOT RELIGIOUS so I MUST be evil and have no morals

I'm LIBERAL so I MUST be gay

I'm SOUTHERN so I MUST be white trash

I'm a CHEERLEADER so I MUST be a whore...(I used to be for a short while)

I WEAR SKIRTS so I MUST be a slut ( I'm actually quite shy)

I WEAR BLACK so I MUST be GOTH OR EMO

I'm NOT A VIRGIN so I MUST be easy

I'm EGYPTIAN so I MUST be a terrorist!

I'm GERMAN so I MUST be a Nazi (I blame that one on Hitler)

I'm a FEMALE GAMER so I MUST be crazy...or ugly

I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid ( I actually prefer shrimp but that one made me laugh)

I'm BI so I MUST think every girl I see is hot

I'm a CHRISTIAN so I must hate homosexuals ( I think Homeophobics are mean)

POST THIS IF YOU HATE STEREOTYPES AND THINK PEOPLE SHOULD JUST SHUT UP AND STOP

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The Diva Diaries by KiyaRaven reviews
*TAKEN DOWN. MANY APOLOGIES.* Dear Diary, When he left, I became numb. Safe in a bubble of denial and bitterness. Now, he's back, and I've agreed to be his co-star in a new Broadway play. Obviously, if there were a Nation of Stupid People, I would be their Queen. A/H
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 11 - Words: 26,477 - Reviews: 12856 - Favs: 5,975 - Follows: 5,352 - Updated: 2/19 - Published: 2/28/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
A Forbidden Love by Elise de Sallier reviews
This story has now been published under my author name of Elise de Sallier as Innocence (A Forbidden Love, Book 1) and Protection (A Forbidden Love, Book 2) by The Writer's Coffee Shop, and is available on Amazon, Nook, and itunes. Thank you so much for the wonderful support of the fanfic community! Elise de Sallier (aka Twiloversue)
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 57 - Reviews: 12395 - Favs: 3,728 - Follows: 3,574 - Updated: 12/22/2013 - Published: 10/11/2011 - Bella, Edward - Complete
No Ordinary Proposal by twilover76 reviews
Bella wants to escape her small-town life and live her dreams in New York. What happens when a man almost twice her age makes her an offer she can't refuse? AH/M
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 37 - Words: 163,556 - Reviews: 10718 - Favs: 7,900 - Follows: 6,520 - Updated: 12/1/2013 - Published: 5/6/2012 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Edroar the Angry Lion by Tropical Sorbet reviews
Edroar the Angry Lion frightens all the girls and boys at Cullen Publishing with his loud roar. Will his new massage therapist Bella Swan run away like all the rest, or can she tame this savage beast? AH/AU OOC
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 16 - Words: 121,973 - Reviews: 3922 - Favs: 3,380 - Follows: 4,529 - Updated: 6/1/2013 - Published: 6/9/2010 - Edward, Bella
Taken in the Night by sheviking reviews
Re-post of my first story, Taken. Bella is kidnapped by Edward, the man who has secretly wanted her and watched her from afar. Is it love or merely obsession which motivates him? Bella is about to find out. ON TEMP. HIATUS.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 11 - Words: 37,805 - Reviews: 2724 - Favs: 2,262 - Follows: 2,387 - Updated: 5/10/2013 - Published: 9/5/2011 - Bella, Edward
The Blizzard by sheviking reviews
Bella is walking home during a blizzard and stumbles on a homeless man on the ground. Despite her better judgment she decides to save him from the cold, and the night turns into something she never expected. ON TEMP. HIATUS.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 27 - Words: 168,232 - Reviews: 9254 - Favs: 7,509 - Follows: 7,677 - Updated: 3/11/2013 - Published: 3/23/2010 - Bella, Edward
The Selkie Man by DarkBlueBella reviews
AU. A summer studying Scottish folktales leads to Bella Swan meeting a stranger unlike anyone she has ever met. Can she let herself believe that myth and legend might also be reality?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Supernatural/Drama - Chapters: 22 - Words: 67,402 - Reviews: 2335 - Favs: 1,582 - Follows: 1,406 - Updated: 12/22/2012 - Published: 2/19/2011 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Dreams Come True by tinaababy reviews
Bella is a struggling English teacher. An almost-accident lands her in the arms of prince charming. Modern day times and a fairytale type of romance-or is it? AH/M.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 26 - Words: 93,925 - Reviews: 1245 - Favs: 943 - Follows: 1,191 - Updated: 12/21/2012 - Published: 4/5/2011 - Bella, Edward
Hit By Destiny by ocdmess reviews
Bella wants to die, and almost gets her wish fulfilled when she gets hit by a shiny Volvo. She is left with serious injuries, and the only thing keeping her from dying is the person who hit her. All Human, Rated M for language, dark themes & violence.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 59 - Words: 463,685 - Reviews: 20086 - Favs: 11,663 - Follows: 6,903 - Updated: 11/29/2012 - Published: 10/24/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
There Will Be Freedom by johnnyboy7 reviews
Sequel to the story There Will Be Blood. Two years have passed. Bella and Edward are safe on their island but will the dark underworld of crime pull them back in? Rated M for language, lemons, dark scenes, and violence.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Crime - Chapters: 42 - Words: 319,532 - Reviews: 11888 - Favs: 5,952 - Follows: 4,196 - Updated: 7/21/2012 - Published: 3/1/2011 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Ready for Love? by LadyExcalibur2010 reviews
It seemed like such a good idea at the time... Now seniors Bella and Edward are faced with a life-changing event. Really, they should have just used a condom. A lesson learned. Right?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 44 - Words: 106,106 - Reviews: 2401 - Favs: 2,344 - Follows: 1,710 - Updated: 3/16/2012 - Published: 3/24/2010 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Cullen Wife Swap by BMC1984 reviews
What happens when Emmett and Jasper sign the Cullen's up for wife swap. How will Esme deal with being with a new family? How will the Cullen's deal with a Human living in the house? Post Breaking Dawn Includes Nessie, Jacob, Edward Bella, normal pairings.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 57 - Words: 82,417 - Reviews: 1442 - Favs: 950 - Follows: 308 - Updated: 2/12/2012 - Published: 4/21/2009 - Edward, Emmett - Complete
Soulmate by tinaababy reviews
Edward Masen is a single father, ex-con, and an ex drug user. He and his child move to Forks for a fresh start. Bella Swan is a straight edge, young woman. When these two people meet, the attraction is inexplicable. AH/M.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Family/Romance - Chapters: 31 - Words: 136,592 - Reviews: 2294 - Favs: 1,761 - Follows: 1,906 - Updated: 1/31/2012 - Published: 8/7/2010 - Edward, Bella
Unexpected Circumstances by Savage7289 reviews
When a knight from another kingdom wins his choice of bride, he claims the handmaid instead of the princess. Isabella finds herself married and tossed into the middle of political schemes. What happens when she can't give him the one thing he must have?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 39 - Words: 245,857 - Reviews: 25055 - Favs: 12,173 - Follows: 8,240 - Updated: 11/11/2011 - Published: 11/22/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Washed Up by xrxdanixrx reviews
She washed up along the river near his secluded log cabin with no memories. He couldn't just leave her to fend for herself, could he?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 16 - Words: 66,721 - Reviews: 4014 - Favs: 2,753 - Follows: 3,228 - Updated: 8/31/2011 - Published: 5/3/2011 - Edward, Bella
From the Cup of Duty by LadyExcalibur2010 reviews
Edward is a ruler in need of an heir. Isabella Swan comes from fruitful stock. A marriage made in heaven, right? Well...not quite yet. Sometimes duty brings an unexpected gift. Rated M for future lemons.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 23 - Words: 75,939 - Reviews: 4912 - Favs: 5,279 - Follows: 2,833 - Updated: 8/4/2011 - Published: 5/3/2011 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Scarlet by archer24 reviews
Bella is the greatest thief the world's never seen; she is only recognized by her scarlet calling card. Edward is FBI, and has been able to catch every criminal he's come across. Little do they know, they are both about to meet their match. AH, OOC, AU
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Crime/Romance - Chapters: 28 - Words: 147,185 - Reviews: 7046 - Favs: 4,890 - Follows: 2,502 - Updated: 3/12/2011 - Published: 10/10/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Big Daddy by SuddenlySandi reviews
This is a satire of Edward as a religious man taking Bella as a third wife. She is not the innocent he believes her to be and she is determined to bring the real man into the open. AH story by SDFreeze
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 13 - Words: 28,780 - Reviews: 142 - Favs: 275 - Follows: 101 - Published: 3/10/2011 - Bella, Edward - Complete
There Will Be Blood by johnnyboy7 reviews
Edward Cullen,25,the son of a Chicago mob boss. He is second-in-command, cold and dangerous. Bella Swan,18,small town girl who has just enrolled as a freshman at Northwestern. A story about how love can survive in the cruelest of worlds.Very OCC.Rated M.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Crime - Chapters: 48 - Words: 368,286 - Reviews: 12346 - Favs: 9,241 - Follows: 4,115 - Updated: 2/21/2011 - Published: 7/6/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Ace of Spades by m81170 reviews
It started out as game, but she was my match in every way. Love crept up on lust and knocked me off my throne. Unfortunately, the stakes of my game were too high and the cost was almost more than I could bear.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 5 - Words: 15,723 - Reviews: 550 - Favs: 511 - Follows: 237 - Updated: 1/23/2011 - Published: 1/19/2011 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Wicked Angel by DevilishPleasures reviews
I am Edward Cullen and I have a deadly secret: I am a hit man. My new target: Isabella Newton. With the help of my friends, we plan the crime of the century. What the hell am I going to do when she becomes more than my target and becomes my life...?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Supernatural/Drama - Chapters: 23 - Words: 131,618 - Reviews: 3370 - Favs: 2,201 - Follows: 1,375 - Updated: 12/21/2010 - Published: 1/1/2010 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Wild Swan by ScarlettLetters reviews
Bella decides that it's time to find out who she really is and that means stepping out of her privileged life as a Cullen and taking flight on her own. Can different paths lead two people to the same destination? AH
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 13 - Words: 60,439 - Reviews: 1928 - Favs: 1,874 - Follows: 2,195 - Updated: 12/17/2010 - Published: 4/5/2009 - Bella, Edward
Privileged by Nostalgicmiss reviews
When Bella's life takes an unexpected turn she's forced to find her estranged father, but not everything is as straight forward as it seems. Blood isn't always thicker than water. AU AH.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 45 - Words: 260,753 - Reviews: 3597 - Favs: 1,503 - Follows: 846 - Updated: 12/9/2010 - Published: 2/23/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Put a Ring On It by WhatsMyNomDePlume reviews
Edward keeps asking and Bella keeps saying the same thing. But he loves asking and well... she's starting to kind of like it, too. AH, B/E O/s for the Will You Marry Me contest.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,076 - Reviews: 511 - Favs: 1,234 - Follows: 235 - Updated: 4/29/2010 - Published: 2/3/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Kitchen Fun With the Sexy Nerd by Breeoxox reviews
Edward and Bella spend a little time together in the kitchen of the restaurant they work at. Enjoy!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,757 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 85 - Follows: 45 - Updated: 4/24/2010 - Published: 7/18/2009 - Bella, Edward
In The Blood by fragilefoxes reviews
After 91 years, Bella returns to Chicago to find a mate. Edward mourns the loss of his humanity and his abandonment by his maker. Can they overcome their dark pasts and forgive? Rated M violence & lemons . E, B, Em, R, C, & Es. AU/OOC.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 25 - Words: 95,476 - Reviews: 423 - Favs: 284 - Follows: 181 - Updated: 4/14/2010 - Published: 10/13/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Only Human by Amethyst Jackson reviews
Complete. A wish sends Bella back in time to Chicago, 1918, and to a human Edward. This story is baby-free.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 28 - Words: 60,635 - Reviews: 5912 - Favs: 9,639 - Follows: 2,473 - Updated: 4/7/2010 - Published: 6/1/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Watching the Sky Turn by chrometurtle reviews
Entry for "The Black Balloon" Contest. Collaboration with ineedyoursway. "There are no such things as accidents when it comes to love. And there was so much love here."
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Tragedy/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 11,902 - Reviews: 201 - Favs: 250 - Follows: 61 - Published: 3/31/2010 - Complete
May and His December by Oxymoronic8 reviews
Years ago, Alice had a vision: Edward would find a mate at Christmas. After decades of trying to dissuade his meddling family by bringing home the vilest girls he can find, Edward happens upon a bitter old woman & awakens to what could've been.AU;OOC;O/S
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 8,652 - Reviews: 309 - Favs: 617 - Follows: 96 - Published: 3/3/2010 - Edward, Bella - Complete
What Brought us Here One Shot by vjgm reviews
*All Human/One Shot* Bella lives her life to the fullest while Edward always does what he 'should.' When these two meet, will Bella be able to show Edward how to live his life without regret before it's too late?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,635 - Reviews: 210 - Favs: 190 - Follows: 44 - Published: 2/17/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Asymmetrical Hues by StarlightSuccubus reviews
He is my lazy brother. She is my perfect wife. He is a brilliant painter on drugs. She is an erotica writer in disguise. At 7:43 a.m. I leave for work and they stay wrapped up in their little bubble of art. Written for the FML contest.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 9,478 - Reviews: 92 - Favs: 151 - Follows: 27 - Published: 2/12/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Reassigned Identity by Mk Marie reviews
Bella Swan:Anti-marriage, bad dating record. Edward Cullen:CIA Agent with a dark past. After witnessing something traumatic Bella is put under witness protection where she must pose as "Agent Cullen's" wife. What could go wrong? Now that you've asked..
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 33 - Words: 117,548 - Reviews: 4787 - Favs: 4,043 - Follows: 1,443 - Updated: 1/4/2010 - Published: 9/26/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Blood Lines by windchymes reviews
With just weeks to go before the wedding, Edward reveals a secret from his human life which leaves Bella shocked and wondering just how well she knows the man she is about to marry. This is very much an Edward and Bella love story. S Meyer owns all.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 24 - Words: 264,462 - Reviews: 1532 - Favs: 2,346 - Follows: 676 - Updated: 12/20/2009 - Published: 5/24/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Love at first site by silver sniper of night reviews
I totally suck at summaries. Really. I do. I don't care if all my other stories have them, I now suck at them. Parody one shot for my beta's birthday. Please take nothing written seriously... except that I suck at summaries
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,646 - Reviews: 42 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 6 - Published: 12/7/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Sleeping with a Monster by SavageWoman reviews
Marie Swan Cook lived in fear of her husband James. After escaping and assuming a new identity as Bella, will she be able to start over again and learn to trust and love another man with the help of her neighbor Edward Masen? AH, OOC, BxE, AxJ, EmxR
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 42 - Words: 216,846 - Reviews: 1818 - Favs: 1,301 - Follows: 556 - Updated: 11/3/2009 - Published: 11/4/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Charade by NoMoreThanUsual reviews
Chief Swan has always been content to swallow the lies that Bella and Edward tell him. But after a conversation with one of his officers, Charlie questions his own judgment and decides it’s time for an unexpected visit during one of Bella’s sleepovers.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 2 - Words: 10,824 - Reviews: 197 - Favs: 434 - Follows: 101 - Updated: 10/25/2009 - Published: 10/17/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
The Valediction by HumanShield reviews
Entry for LES FEMMES NOIRES ONE-SHOT CONTEST. Post-Breaking Dawn. EPOV. The consequences of forever.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Tragedy/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 12,948 - Reviews: 72 - Favs: 109 - Follows: 15 - Published: 10/6/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
The Doll House by Kambria Rain reviews
We were all going to die. I used to be an optimistic person, but that went out the window as soon as the hot mountain man decided we were going to hunt the hunters. AH. Warning: So far, there are minor character deaths, and Edward's a little scary.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Horror/Mystery - Chapters: 15 - Words: 43,019 - Reviews: 1294 - Favs: 1,496 - Follows: 441 - Updated: 7/15/2009 - Published: 5/15/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Distractions by teamEdwardonly reviews
What all were the schemes of Bella when Edward tried not to touch her while on their honeymoon? Read on for the trials and tribulations of a wife lusting after her vampire husband.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 28,159 - Reviews: 130 - Favs: 185 - Follows: 74 - Updated: 12/28/2008 - Published: 10/13/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Physical Telepathy by caligula42 reviews
AU. One-shot. A more tasteful attempt at smut-if there is such a thing-exploring how Bella and Edward might have actually spent their wedding night. Breaking Dawn is not necessary to this story.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,828 - Reviews: 104 - Favs: 175 - Follows: 32 - Published: 9/10/2008 - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Il Segreto e Stato Svelato reviews
The Volturi executes anyone who threatens to leak the secret to humans. But what if the Volturi did it? What would happen? One mistake sends the world, humans and vampires alike, into panic. Is the human race ready for a secret this big?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 4,314 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 11/12/2009 - Published: 10/27/2009
The Unknown
When Bella moves to Forks for Junior year, her life takes an unexpected turn and she finds herself truggling to cope.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 553 - Published: 9/29/2009 - Bella