Author has written 2 stories for Naruto.
Miss J Idiotic
Hello everyone, it's J here. Hope you enjoy my profile which is, pretty much, the epitome of randomness. Most of which was written at two in the morning. I thank you for gracing my profile with your presence. Browse if you wish.
Okay, so you can call me J.
I'm somewhere between ten and twenty years old and I live in England. I love art, supercars and Netflix. My favourite colours are blue and black. My favourite music genre is rock, although I enjoy listening to anything worthwhile. I have a sweet tooth. I enjoy reading crime and mystery novels, and I love action movies. I have blue eyes and blonde hair. I'm 163 centimeters tall . I'm a cat person, but I practically all animals. I have an IQ of 146. I am the laziest person in existance. My birthday is 4th June. I'm scared of heights, horror movies and windy weather. I want to move to Japan at some point during my lifetime. I hate mosquitoes, vegetables and getting out of bed in the morning. I never go anywhere without my camera.
Naruto - NaruHina, SasuSaku, ShikaIno, NejiTen, MinaKushi, HidaTema
Some of my favourite moments from some of my favourite stories.
"And then he says to me—'my child, you are misguided'—and I was all like 'fucker don't you go insulting Jashin', because normally I'm all right with monks and shit but then he looks at me like I killed his damn dog or something and says 'Jashin is a heathen god' and then I was all 'oh no you didn't' and just went all righteous fury on his ass because seriously, what the fuck. Insult my religion? My religion? Oh my God—"
- Paying a Compliment, by firefly
The creature that might have been Light Yagami, that has a little of the man's hollow beauty and all of his heartlessness, blinks once, slowly, like a snake. "My name is Kira," it says indifferently. It says it as if it means nothing, as if it is simply a name when Kira is anything but. Kira is a methodology, a point of view, a crusade, a thing of worship, a battle side. Kira was never just a name. The greatest man Near ever knew died opposing what Kira stood for, the whole world took sides over it, and this indifference is all wrong, as if Near's success ultimately means nothing.
- Apples Equals Cyanide Equals Light, by Silver Pard
Watari wished he knew who Kira was. It had just occurred to him that he really needed more practise with his sniper rifle.
- Redivivus, by Silver Pard
Trying to outplan the plan guy, huh? he thought, not without some small malice. Amateurs. Watch the master.
- Delivery, by Bainaku
That first orange jacket… He had torn it up, hadn't he? He remembered the sad day he had thrown it away! Why had it returned from beyond the clothing grave? Jackets didn't haunt. It didn't make sense!
- The Benefits of Omnipotence, by Saiyan Angie
You think that Naruto is the heart, the wild pounding energy driving you on. Kakashi is the brain, cold and calculating and yet feeling more deeply than he likes to admit. And you are...the limbs, perhaps. You hurt, you bleed and you lash out, full of reflex action that doesn't make sense anymore but is ingrained in you nevertheless.
And Sakura...Sakura is the soul. What she brings to the equation is unproven, incalculable...but take it away, and there is nothing.
- Appreciation, by Yellow Mask
Although maybe that was just negligence on Al's part. It wasn't like he had ever walked up to Ed and asked pointblank, "Brother, what's it like to kiss a girl?" Al already had an idea of how a question like that would be received. With a blank stare, perhaps some sputtering, after which Ed would swiftly deny ever entertaining even the slightest desire to participate in such activities. This would be followed by a stern Older Brother Look and something about how Al was far too young to be considering this.
- Counting Blessings, by Bookwrm389
Lan Fan sneezed in her sleep, and Ling muttered something under his breath about camels.
- Many and Splendored, by Emila
Light took several deep breaths – not to calm himself down but to give him the air he needed to yell properly. "You kidnapped me! Take me home right now, you paedophiliac son of a bitch!"
"Don't insult my mother, Light-kun."
"Hah! I see you don't bother denying you're a paedophile," he said accusingly, glaring at him.
"If it helps keep you in line, I'm all for it."
Light's response was genuinely horrified, remembering as he did L's 'Do Anything To Win' ways. "You're sick!" he protested, pulling as far away as the restraints would let him. "Sick, sick, sick!"
"Thank you," L said gravely, "But I must argue that Light-kun's own considerable charms are a major factor."
"…I'm gonna scream."
"Go ahead. This is a private jet, and I have tranquillisers."
- The Slow Path to Rehabilitation, by Silver Pard
"Hey, Mom," Light said a little awkwardly, receiving a glare from said overbearing detective. "Um, actually, yeah. Mom, this is my friend Ryuuzaki. We're handcuffed for some completely valid and not-at-all-kinky reason that definitely doesn't inspire homoerotic subtext."
"Oh, well that's good," Sachiko agreed.
- Flour Baby, by Dlvvanzor
Light's head tilted to the side as he wondered briefly what it would be like to throw Mikami's retreating figure down a flight of stairs.
- Of Music, by Mikanis
"We'll be out of the way here," the boy states authoritatively, hardly glancing at the man.
"Who are you, young sir?" asks the bewildered vicar. "What is that unholy thing?"
"Do you refer to the spirit or my butler?" asks Ciel, without the least attempt at humour.
- Devilish Impulses, by Kitty Gets Loose
"Are you afraid of death, young master?"
A snort. "Of course not."
"Death only has one card to play. Life is much more terrifying, in my opinion. It has a full deck."
- Indefinite, by Clicio
Grell came to a stop in front of him, perhaps not as steady on his feet as he should have been, and Sebastian looked up with an innocent smile. "You know," Sebastian said decidedly, "I have a pretty capable team if the lot of you managed to pull that off drunk."
- Rooks and Romanticide, by White, Silver and Mercury
"Alright, that's it!" 'Gyuniku' roared, slamming his steak knife into the table. "You're a dead man, Kechappu! Fuck you."
- Pork Chop Over Rice, by Veracities
"Inaccurate? Inaccurate? I'll show you fucking inaccurate!"
With that, he snapped the buckle on his belt and dropped his pants to the ground.
- Phallic Confusion, by Diamond Mask
"You're late." Kakashi drawled. Cool and arrogant and designed to annoy. Their teacher had to commend him on knowing his team-mate so well, as Obito's face mottled brilliantly with anger.
"Kakashi," Obito returned; voice firm and adult. The Yellow Flash watched in awe as his most childish student straightened, pulling his hands from his pockets and squaring up professionally. "You're an arsehole."
And Obito kicked him. Hard. Right in the shin.
- Practise Makes Perfect, by bite the hand that feeds
Sure, Sasuke wasn't cheerful—Naruto snorted at that thought, Sasuke was downright nasty most of the time—and he had stolen the room Naruto chose first, and pretended not to hear what he said most of the time, and called him mean names, and was way better at fighting and throwing shuriken and looking cool, but he was there.
Maybe they could even be friends. One friend would be enough. He would be happy forever if Sasuke would be his friend.
- Brother, by enzhe
His cocky grin split his face once more. "Maybe next time I can surprise you in the bath. You do know I can merge my body with water right?"
The control she'd had over her emotions flew out the window with that remark and she ran at him with a chakra laden fist. He laughed before liquifying his body once again and slipping through the cracks of the floor.
Sakura was forced to allow the chakra in her fist to dissipate before she felt the urge to pound the wall in frustration and ruin all the work Yamato did. She settled for glaring at the spot he'd just vacated and cursing him. "Stupid pervert!"
"I still don't get why he was naked." Naruto said in confusion.
- With Every Beat, by halfdemonfan
"That's more like it!" Toph turned to Sokka and cackled. "How was that, Melon King! Shall we have a kid to celebrate our conquering of the kingdom? Was this not a splendid victory?"
"I think," Sokka pried Toph's right hand out of the soil, finally. "That you've had a little bit too much to drink, and that if we don't get out of here, we're going to be in some serious trouble."
"Ah!" Toph cried out. "My subjects! Preserve this temple in my honor! I am off! To our honeymoon, my dear!"
- View From His Back, by guyw1tn0nam3
No! Stop! This is Rose Weasley. Rose. Weasley. Off limits. Not that you'd want to go there anyway. But if you did, which you dont, you couldn't. You'd be breaking all the rules - every last one of them. She is forbidden.
Way to make it sound sexier, conscience.
- Excuses, by GraeLiars
Taylor was exhilarated by the trick and bashfully tried to hide her growing smile. "How did you do that?"
He smiled back at her, his eyes warm and full of amusement. "It's magic," the Joker heard him whisper.
If the Joker would have known that Taylor was so easily pleased by magic tricks, he would have shown her a few of his own. All he needed was a pencil.
- Clockwork, by HoistTheColours
After a year, people begin registering them as an item.
No one knows exactly what sort of item, but there's an uncanny relationship between the two chunnin and no other shinobi in the village wants to risk getting in the middle of that, thanks. If they asked, Kushina would probably claw at them and scream in their ears and Minato, oh man, would smile his normal smile but with an extra 30% creepiness factor that seemed to say "stay out of it".
- Intermissions, by kawaiisuzu
He gazed at me with his big eyes, which actually seemed to have acquired a sheen, he looked so devastated. I felt as if I'd run over his puppy, then backed up and hit it again.
- The Road Less Traveled, by verityburns
"Huh?" In his defense, he was very, very sick and this was just too much like those fever dreams where suddenly no one's wearing clothes and there are disapproving ducks.
- Obvious Facts, by MuseDePandora
"I'm sorry, John" he said, looking completely disconcerted. "I don't know what that was."
"That," replied John, "was an overly dramatic display of jealous possessiveness, with a side order of repressed dominance and a whopping great dollop of sibling rivalry."
- The Heart in the Whole, by verityburns
"We've got tomorrow off. Let's go sightseeing."
Sherlock frowned. "Sightseeing?"
"Yes! You know. Go and – see the sights."
"The sights of Toronto?"
"There are sights! I've seen them!"
"Then why would you wish to see them again?"
- Performance in a Leading Role, by MadLori
"Was it the Sneetches?" Mary asks as she strokes a hand through Dean's hair.
"Yes, it was," Castiel says. "I began to worry that Dean suffered from a learning problem, but I don't think he misunderstood the book."
"Oh no, it isn't that," Mary says and she takes the plate of sandwiches to the table, leading Dean to a chair. "He just loves it. I have to read it twenty-seven hundred times a day."
Castiel assumes Mary does not mean that number literally.
- The Soul Piece, by cloudyjenn
It became a thing. Somehow, it became a thing.
Every Friday, shortly after midnight, Cas would knock on Dean's door. He always had some pretense for being there.
The first time, he was standing there with a full platter of bacon. "I made too much," he told Dean matter-of-factly.
The second time, he was holding a measuring cup of sugar. "I think I borrowed this from you," he claimed.
The third time, he stood there by himself in a bathrobe, looking terrified. "There's a turtle in my house, Dean. Somehow a turtle got in. It'll start burrowing, and nesting, and breeding… We'll have to fumigate."
- Bring it on Home, by thecouchcarrot
See, if Dean was a normal guy, he would've felt the bed dip with Cas's weight and he would've leapt up in alarm, instead of just snorting awake and murmuring, "Sup, Cas?" And when Cas patted his face and muttered, "Quiet, horses," a normal guy would've gotten up and taken Cas by the arm and guided him back to his own room, instead of sighing and flopping back into his pillow. And when Cas wriggled under the covers and settled his face into the crook of Dean's neck, a normal guy would have shoved him off and gotten up to go sleep on the couch. Instead, Dean just groaned and whispered, "You fuckin' weirdo," and did his best to go back to sleep.
That was when he knew. It was as simple as that. You don't let a grown man snuggle up to you in the dark unless you're a little bit gay for him.
- Exonerated, by thecouchcarrot
No brother of his was going to live his life devoid of the joy of angel-sex with the man he loved - unacceptable.
- Heart Trouble, by Cerulea
Got to hand it to the guy. He's pulled Dean out of Hell, disobeyed Heaven's orders by thinking for himself for a change, kicked Zachariah's smarmy ass in the green room, and is currently staring his own death in the face. And what does he do? He's nice to his would-be executioner. It's like some store of bad-ass no one's ever tapped. Sure, Chuck Norris and Dean Winchester can both kick your ass, but Castiel? Castiel will do it with manners.
- Named, by R.C.McLachlan
Dean leans over the register and grips Castiel's shoulders tightly with both hands, and Cas's expression is more confused than startled as he looks from hand to hand.
Dean breathes, "Never leave me again, you beautiful, beautiful coffee angel."
"Shh, we're having a moment. Do not ruin it with your crazy-man gibberish."
- Sugar Me Sweet, by shellyknack
"I'm gay." Cas fist bumped the air above his head.
"We know," the other three said in unison.
Bruce blew something up.
- Freefall, by lastknownwriter
Dean grinned at him and leaned in conspiratorially. "A little backup. The redhead over here thinks cake is better than pie."
Cas leaned in as well. "It is not fitting for an angel to question their superior…" he whispered, trailing off leadingly.
"But?" Dean prompted, lowering his voice as well. "Just between us."
"Pie is clearly the superior food," Cas whispered back solemnly.
- Bring It On Home, by lilyleia78
Dean really wishes he'd gotten a company firearm instead of a blackberry.
- The Devil Wears Prado, by AlreadyPainfullyGone
"Good, I'll set up you manly men to rip all this shit up then."
"Don't feel bad, I'll be taking the girls to pick out paint colors."
Dean eyed him as he straightened, "You're being very gay."
Castiel eyed him back, "Newsflash, I am gay."
- Sweet Tyrany, by zeppx
"Were you watching me?"
"I do not."
"Not loud, though. Little angel snores."
- Needle and Thread by Misato
"Then yeah. Right here. I figured we could start with just a couple of chords, get those down first, then maybe try a simple melody. Sound good?"
It did not. Dean was standing directly behind Cas, his warm, lean body pressed up against Cas', his hands firmly gripping Cas' own as they guided him to the correct notes. Cas felt unnaturally hot. Perhaps the heating was up too high. Perhaps he was wearing a superfluous sweater.
- Right Place, Right Time by WinButler
"Where have you been?" Gabriel demands.
Castiel looks down at the carpet and answers, "Here." That little sass-bucket.
- The World Crashing All Around by thepinupchemist (AO3)
"I promise not to let her turn into a pumpkin," Kili says. His face is bright and eager, but his gaze keeps sliding nervously across hers. Tauriel feels as though she's being sold into some strange sort of arranged marriage.
- Shipping Up to Boston by ChasingPerfectionTomorrow
"People are staring," she hisses out the corner of her mouth. "Should I have covered my ears?"
Fili snorted a laugh and Kili smirked at her comment. "No, my love. These people have never seen beauty that glows are yours does. That's all."
"I think it's the ears."
"Shut up, Fili."
- Starlight and Caverns by oddrose