Author has written 3 stories for Fruits Basket, and Naruto.
AT LEAST I DON'T MASTURBATE TO NOVA!!!!!!!!! ~Sally the ghost from Being Human
I am Cheyenne. I am Five foot Six. I am both Blackfoot and Cherokee. My favorite animal is the Wolf. I have dark brown hair and eyes. I am currently obsessed with just about any manga and anything by James Patterson Or Rick Riordan. The best Faerie Series I've ever read is the DreamDark Series. HirikXWhisper & MagpieXTalon Forever!!! Some of my other favorite couples are : Magnus and Alec, Jace and Clary, Simon And Isabel, Fang And Max, Itachi and Kisame, Jet and Zuko, Haru and Kyo, Sasori and Diedara, Pein And Konan, Ino and Shikamaru, Gaara and Naruto, Gaara and Sasuke(Though he can rot in hell for all I care), Naruto and Sasuke, Kiba and Shikamaru, Itachi And Gaara, Gaara and Kiba, Shikamaru and Gaara, HELL, Gaara And ME!! There are probably some more, but I can't think of them right now. My best friend of ten years is Rayna, who happens to be blonde, and has an IQ at least twice mine. I like to write and listen to music. You may notice that I have no stories up, but that's just because I have a horrid internet connection. Stupid Dial-Up. I would have many of mine up but the internet won't allow that. I am definately a bit anti-social, and that seems to have attracted all the wierdo's. Not that there's anything wrong with that, seeing as I am a far cry from normal. Who in the Seven Circles of Hell would want to be normal anyway?! Normal is boring!! So here's to all those like-minded weirdo's out there. I also run into walls, doors, and people. ALOT. It's not just me though, my whole family does it. I told Bailey (Moon-BlackHuntress) it was being 'Redneck Proud' as my aunt calls it, but she said it was called getting yourself killed. To each their own I suppose, Hm?
I wish to aplolgize in advance, my profile is waaaay too fucking long (And still growing). O.O Iz bez SORRRYZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bailey: Dear God it’s so FUCKING HOT!
Said Gryffindor, "We'll teach all those with brave deeds to their name."
Students of Gryffindor are typically brave, daring, and chivalrous. Famous members include Harry, Ron, Hermione, Albus Dumbledore (head of Hogwarts), and Minerva McGonagall (head of Gryffindor)
Said Hufflepuff, "I'll teach the lot, and treat them just the same."
Hufflepuff students are friendly, fair-minded, modest, and hard-working. A well-known member was Cedric Diggory, who represented Hogwarts in the most recent Triwizard Tournament.
Said Slytherin, "We'll teach just those whose ancestry is purest."
Slytherin students are typically cunning and hungry for power. Important members include Draco Malfoy (Harry's nemesis), Professor Severus Snape (head of Slytherin), and Lord Voldemort.
Said Ravenclaw, "We'll teach those whose intelligence is surest."
Ravenclaw students tend to be clever, witty, intelligent, and knowledgeable. Notable residents include Cho Chang and Padma Patil (objects of Harry and Ron's affections), and Luna Lovegood (daughter of The Quibbler magazine's editor).
Low scorers tend to be reserved and serious. They often prefer to be alone or with a few close friends. In children, adolescents, and adults, low Extraversion is associated with engaging in fewer risky behaviors.
Low scorers tend to be hardheaded, skeptical, proud, and competitive. They tend to express their anger directly. In children and adolescents, low Agreeableness is associated with having more dating partners, and with delinquent behavior. In adults, low Agreeableness is associated with smoking cigarettes, driving fast, and with holding prejudicial views.
Agreeableness usually increases with age. Girls and women tend to score higher on Agreeableness than do boys and men.
Low scorers tend to act spontaneously rather than making plans. They may pay little attention to details, are not very well-organized, and can sometimes be careless. In children and adolescents, low Conscientiousness is associated with risky and delinquent behavior, disciplinary problems, and being accident-prone. In adults, low Conscientiousness is associated with more job changes, consuming more alcohol, and receiving more traffic tickets.
Conscientiousness usually increases with age
Low scorers tend to be secure, generally relaxed even under stressful conditions, and worry little. In children and adolescents, low Neuroticism is associated with worse school attendance and feeling homesick easily. In children, adolescents, and adults, low Neuroticism is associated with better physical and psychological health.
Neuroticism usually decreases with age. Girls and women tend to score higher on Neuroticism than do boys and men.
Openness to Experience (77)
Low scorers tend to be down-to-earth, practical, traditional, and pretty much set in their ways. In adults, low Openness is related to earning a higher salary, holding conservative political opinions, and having prejudicial views of minority groups.
Low Scorers tend to control their immature impulses and maintain their composure even when in a bad mood
Positive Activity (30)
Low Scorers tend to be easy-going and sedate, and prefer to experience and respond to life at a more leisurely pace.
You are great at singing, acting, and you love your friends. You have LOTS of confidence in yourself, and are not afraid to get mad at someone. And when you are, you don't talk to them for a long time. You make everyone laugh, and you are a great friend. Sure you have some haters like everyone else, but they are just too uptight and serious to realize that your hilarious! ] You care so much about your apearence (which isn't a bad thing) and if someone does something as little as rubbing their hand around your hair playfully, you get mad and try to fix it. you are a great person and are loved by so many, even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes. You have changed lots of peoples lives in a good way, and you are always getting a new boyfriend/girlfriend ]
You just cant help yourself, can you? Maybe if you took your mind out of the gutter for 5 minutes you might be able to make something out of your life.
You are a Innocent Uke!
Cute and sweet, and most gentle of all uke, whips and chains are not for you - you just want someone to love you. You are often spotted in candy shops wearing furry kitty ears, where you are sure to be noticed by the Romantic Seme, whose protective instincts will kick in and will only want to take you home and love and protect you. And you, of course, will be more than happy to spend the rest of your life baking cookies for your seme
Most compatible with: Romantic Seme
YOUR GUY SIDE -
You love hoodies.
- YOUR GIRL SIDE -
You wear lip gloss/stick.
Sasuke. Noun. Pronounced Sasuugay. Definition Naruto's Bitch.
I'm Cheyenne and my friend Bailey(Moon-BlackHuntress) says "friends are like potatoes- if you eat them the will DIE!!" I know right? Hey YALL It's BAILEY!
All I have to say is THERE ARE SPANISH PEOPLE ON MY ROOF! and I AM ITACHI!!!!! AND GAARA IS MINE!!!!!! Also MY UNDERWEAR IS MADE OF CHEESE. That is all for this public service announcement.
I Am A PSYCHO! (Thank You)
If you noticed that the Akatsuki members usually get defeated after they rip off their cloaks, copy and paste this onto your profile. (Don't take off your cloaks you guys! O_o)
98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile.
If you think that those stupid kids should just give that God-forsaken Trix rabbit some Trix, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.
Recent studies show that 92 percent of teenagers have moved on to rap. If you're part of the 8 percent that stayed with rock, put this in your profile.
If you have embarrasing memories that make you want to smack yourself/someone else, copy this into your profile.
If Fanfiction to you is what MySpace is to other people, copy this into your profile.
If you have written a story, but never completed it, then copy and this on your profile.
If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever wanted to slap someone, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever slapped someone, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever fallen off a chair backwards, copy this into your profile.
If you have slapped someone upside the head , copy this into your profile.
Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!
If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions when you probably should be doing something else, copy this onto your profile
If you have random moments where you get completely lost in your thoughts and lose track of everything you were doing, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.
If you truly believe, there is an Edward Cullen somewhere for you (Doesn't mean his name has to be Edward Cullen), copy this into your profile.
If you have ever stayed up for over 40 hours continuously just because you frickin' could, copy this into your profile.
16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"
Repost this if you laughed...
If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this to your profile.
OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
RIP We shall remember
WHETHER IT'S BETWEEN TWO MALES, TWO FEMALES, OR A MALE AND A FEMALE, LOVE IS LOVE!! ...if you agree, put this in your profile.
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
Re-post this if you believe homophobia is wrong. Please do your part to end it
1) Being gay is not natural. People always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, liposuction and air conditioning.
What caused my Adamgasm was Adam Lambert-Rude boy. Watch this video if you are a loyal Adam fan or yaoi fangirl. or boy. The best version is by kcinkcity.
Meow ;3 Things I Like
My new favorite thing in spanish:
A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted. Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
Youth is a malady of which one becomes cured a little every day. He’s turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he’s miserable and depressed.
An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, 'So far so good!'
You can't have everything...where would you put it?
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
Nothing can confound a wise man more than laughter from a dunce.
Join The Army, visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.
A consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?
A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.
If you can’t live without me, Why aren’t you dead yet?
Love your enemies. It'll make 'em crazy.
Silence is golden but duck tape is silver.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly! Ha, ha!
Death is a once in a lifetime experience.
Man has his will, but woman has her way.
I am in my own little world but it's okay they know me here.
Confidence is the feeling you sometimes have before you fully understand the situation.
Change is inevitable except from a vending machine.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
If you want to look young and thin, hang around old fat people.
Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn’t seem quite so funny.- Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.-- Woody Allen
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes? -- Groucho Marx
Men will confess to treason, murder, arson, false teeth, or a wig. How many of them will own up to a lack of humor?
A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn't.
He who falls in love with himself will have no rivals. ~ Benjamin Franklin
Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name. --Joan Rivers
"Behind every succesful woman there is a man staring at her ass". Rory Davis
One should love animals, Tasty!
Your future depends on your dreams, so go to sleep right now.
Money is not everything, there is always master card.
Love thy neighbor, just watch out for the husband.
Children in the backseat cause accidents, Accidents in the backseat cause children.
Those who criticise our generation seem to forget who raised it!!!
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day. Confusious
Man on top of toilet is high on pot. Confusious
Fact of life: after Monday and Tuesday, even the calender says W T F.
A guy walks into a bar ... OUCH!
If aliens are looking for intelligent life WHY ARE YOU SCARED?!
Don't follow in my footsteps, I walk into walls.
Don't follow me! Im lost...
A Pessimist is just an Optimist with previous experience.
Better to be pissed off than pissed on
If you think no one cares if your dead or alive miss a couple of mortgage payments
Whoever said nothing was impossible never tryed slamming a revolving door.
I am a bomb technition... if you see me running, try to keep up.
Last night I layed in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and I thought to myself... Where the hells the roof gone?
When life gives you lemons...make grape juice!!! Then sit back and let the world wonder how...
"I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...or a game of fake heart attack."
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. ~Elayne Boosler
Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you. ~Colin Sautar
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the project manager, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
To an optimist, the glass is half full. To a pessimist, the glass is half empty. All I wanna know is who drank the other half, and do I have to pay full price.
The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office. - Robert Frost
My imagenary friend thinks you have serious mental problems
There are three types of people in the world...those who can count and those who can't.
Like many woman my age, I am 28 years old.
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday.
Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.
Never take life to seriously... you're not getting out of it alive
As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you. -- Fran Lebowitz
She ran off quicker than shit off a shovel.
As confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar.
About as useless as a jam sandwich to a drowning rabbit.
Optimists think the glass is half full. Pessimists think the glass is half empty. Realists know that someone will have to wash the glass.
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I killed because they were annoying.
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
Men kick friendship around like a football, but it doesn't seem to crack. Women treat it like glass and it goes to pieces.
Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.- Kin Hubbard
Drawing on my fine command of the language, I said nothing.
I would love to have a battle of witts with you, but it seems that you have come unarmed.
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.
Here's to you and here's to me, and I hope we never disagree. But, if that should ever be, to HELL with you, here's to ME!
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them, and you have their shoes.-- Frieda Norris
I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.~Edgar Allen Poe
A glow worm is never glum… Because, how can you be grumpy when the sun shines out of your bum?
Cricket is basically baseball on valium. -- Robin Williams
My mind is like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in 37 states.
Last night i played a blank tape at full blast and the mime next door went nuts!
Before going to sleep the boogie man checks under his bed for Chuck Norris
You know how kids wear superman pajamas? Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris will never die- He'll just be kicking hell's ass.
Chuck Norris decided to dig a hole. Today we call it the Grand Canyon.
If ex-lax doesn't work just ask Chuck Norris to scare the crap out of you.
In the words of Julius Caesar "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Chuck Norris". Translation: I came, I saw, and was roundhouse kicked in the face by Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly it affects the actual world Ecomony.
Most people die from bombs. Bombs Die from Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris Jumps in a lake he doesn't get wet...the lake gets Chuck Norris!!!
Once, Chuck Norris committed suicide and lived because death was afraid of him.
Chuck Norris was once bitten by a poisonous snake. Two days later, the snake died.
"What do you do if you are riding a giraffe and getting chased by a lion?-- Get your drunk butt off the merry go round"
"I'm a paranoid apathiest. I know someones out to get me I just don't care"
If the world was a stage, I want to be the one operating the trap door
It's better to be obscene than not seen at all.
A dyslexic atheist doesnt believe in dog.
The person who said nothing is impossible, never tried seeing his/her own ears without mirror
If someone tells you that nothing is impossible, ask them to dribble a football.
If you're gonna be stupid, you gotta be tough.
Everyone is successful until they die.
Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried licking their elbow.
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.- Adam Savage, Mythbusters
A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking.
The remarkable thing about Shakespeare is that he really is very good, in spite of all the people who say he is very good.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.
If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid. ~Jack Benny
When you ASSUME you make an A-S-S out of U and ME.
People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
Failure is the mother of success.
May those who love us love us,
Don't make me violate my probation.
Best friends~ People you can only be mad at for two hours because you have important things to tell them.
"If it weren't for elecrticity, we'd all be watching TV by candle light."
I'm the kinda girl to laugh at something that happened... yesterday
Uglier than a hatfull of assholes.
He's an expert on padded cells.
What an ASSHAT!!
When life gives you lemons, you’d better wait for it to give you some sugar first or else you’ll have some really nasty-tasting lemonade.
I sleep like a baby every night. I wake up every three or four hours and cry.
Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. -- Henry Kissinger
"Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything." -Charles Kuralt
Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.
I’m out of my mind feel free to leave a message.
I Don’t Know Karate But I Do Know Krazy And I Am Not Afraid To Use It
No Ociffer, there is no blood in my alcohol system~Staci Cook
Why are there no pancakes in my backseat?! ~Cheyenne Cook
I swear to drunk I'm not God ~Staci Cook
"Physical abilty doesn't compensate for mental incompetence."
Don't talk to strangers... yell at them, it's more fun!
I'm the kind of girl that would push kids down to get to the swing first.
I'm so afraid that I will meet God one day, and he'll sneeze and I won't know what to say!
The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his.
I don't care for clubs that would accept me as a member
I must confess, I was born at a very early age
WHEN I DIE I REQUESTED IN MY WILL TO BE BARRIED UPSIDE DOWN SO THE WHOLE WORLD CAN KISS MY ASS!
Don't look at me in that tone of voice. ~Staci Cook
He's so optimistic he'd buy a burial suit with two pairs of pants. --Chuck Tanner
“I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.” -- Oscar Wilde
I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted - George Best
A smile starts on the lips, A grin spreads to the eyes, A chuckle comes from the belly; But a good laugh bursts forth from the soul, Overflows, and bubbles all around. --Carolyn Birmingham
Nobody ever died of laughter. -- Max Beerbohm
Laughter is a medicine with no side effects.
Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.
I would rather kill myself than commit suicide.
A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce.
He's not dead... he's electroencephalographically challenged.
I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.
Redbull and Pixie Sticks. The breakfast of champions. ~Exers Black
If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter. - John Gotti
We always like those who admire us; we do not always like those whom we admire. - Francois de La Rochefoucauld
The beauty of the world has two edges, one of laughter, and one of anguish, cutting the heart asunder.
An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault.
The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by those who got there first.
I think we consider too much the good luck of the early bird and not enough the bad luck of the early worm.
I want to die like my grandfather- asleep, not like the passengers in his car, screaming!
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. --Robert Frost
Everyone gets butterflies - the trick is getting them to fly in formation.
I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it. --Mae West
The more I see of men, the more I like dogs.
I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this?
Money can't buy happiness. But it sure makes misery easier to live with.
When you wish upon a shooting star, all your dreams will come true. Unless the star is really a meteor about to destroy the earth. Then, you’re pretty much dead no matter what you wish for. Unless it’s death by meteor.
One bright day in the middle of the night, two dead boys got up to fight. Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords an shot one another. A deaf police man heard the noise and came an shot those two dead boys, and if you don't believe this lie is true, ask the blind man he saw it too.
A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free.
A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of. --Burt Bacharach
I’m not insensitive, I just don’t care.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,
I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.
Hey, the way I figure it is this: if the kids are still alive by the time my husband comes home, I've done my job
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. --Groucho Marx
We have found that it's much easier to restrain our wrath when the other fellow is bigger than we are.
Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.
The early bird may get the worm... but the second mouse gets the cheese.
A scientist will always look for the truth. A madman can make up his own truth.
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.
You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate and wine in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
I've been accused of vulgarity. I say that's bullshit.
I once got sacked for laughing ... mind you, I was driving a hearse at the time.
You are a leaf that doesn't know it is part of a tree.
If you woke up today, congratulations! You have another chance.
Excuses are like asses. Everyone’s got them and they all stink.
If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide.
Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
I Am The Cold Shiver Running Down Your Spine.
Don't think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey!
I've never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished the fifth grade a year before I did.
I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.
If guilty pleasures are so guilty then why do they feel so darn innocent.
I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!
I don’t want to die, but I am not keen on living either.
What do toilets and refrigerators have in common? They both know how to hold a load of crap.
Marriage is one of the leading causes of divorce.
If you’re rich, I'm single.
I asked Mom if I was a gifted child. She said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me.
Courage is being scared to death – and saddling up anyway.
I know KARATE and at least two other Chinese words.
Some people are like slinkies, and not really good for anything. But they bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.
You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.
I don't know half of you as well as I should like and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.
A lifelong friend is someone you haven’t borrowed money from yet.
Intolerance will not be tolerated!
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
My husband and I have never considered divorce... murder sometimes, but never divorce.
Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
There are 24 hours in a day and 24 cans of beer in a case. Coincidence? I Think NOT!
Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips!!
A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
Rehab Is for Quitters
Do not disturb I'm disturbed enough already.
HARD WORK WILL PAY OFF LATER. LAZINESS PAYS OFF NOW!
I wear the brains in the family.
I Don’t Know What Makes You So Dumb, But It Really Works
I Want What I Want
I bite the hand that feeds me.
row row row your boat gently down the stream merrily merrily merrily merrily I just have to scream
Do Not Disturb Already Disturbed
He Who Laughs Last Thinks Slowest
He who laughs last didn't get the joke
You never see a motorcycle at a psychiatrics office.
Smile and the world smiles with you...Fart and you stand alone.
''I work for the F.B.I. (Female Body Inspectors)''
When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad I'm better. --Mae West
I'm really enjoying not talking to you, so let's not talk again real soon, okay?
I'm not cynical. Just experienced.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN...Cops have nothing to go on.
Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?
"Was today really necessary?"
'I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts -- Do You Want Fries With That?"
"Too cool to comprehend"
Humpty Dumpty was pushed.
I have PMS and a gun...any more questions?
My husband and I divorced over religious differences - He thought he was God.
My friends and I will be the old ladies causing trouble in the nursing home!!
I am the type of girl that can watch hundreds of horror movies and never get scared, but will scream at the top of her lungs when the toast pops out of the toaster!!
My time machine broke down two weeks from tomorrow, the mechanic says it'll be fixed by last wednesday!
My Mind is like lightning, one flash and its gone.
Ride it like your ex's lawyer is coming to take it!!
4 out of 3 people have trouble with fractions.
Of course I trust you! I'm blonde.
"Screw me if I am wrong, but have we met?"
Jesus loves you, everyone else thinks your a weirdo.
Nobody is perfect, I am nobody therefore I am perfect.
Reasons why I don't have my english home work:
Never never ever play leapfrog with a unicorn.
If life gives you lemons, squeeze them into somebody's eyes and run!
Teacher: Why isn't your homework done?
If life gives you skittles, then throw them at the face of random people. And say taste the f*ing rainbow!
Someone threw skittles at me and said ''Taste The Rainbow!" I threw an M&M back and said "I am not afraid!" ~Morgan Nichols
I Think Therefore I Am Single
"The voices told me to do it"
OMG! Donut seeds! (Then a pic of a bowl of cheerios)
1 out of 4 people are crazy. If 3 of your friends are okay, you should be scared.
Bob is tired of being killed. Bob commited suicide. Bob came back to life. Ha ha, Bob. Ha ha.
Why did my life have to be a drama? Why not a musical?
Aren't you a little old to watch Phineas & Ferb? Why, yes. Yes I am.
How is Lady Gaga smart enough to translate French, yet she sings -- wait did you say tacos?
If live gives you skittles, eat them
If Life Gave Me Lemons And I made Grape Juice, I would Get Pissed Because I Don't Like Grape Juice.
Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty.
When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.
A well-adjusted woman is one who not only knows what she wants for her birthday, but even knows what she's going to exchange it for.
The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once
I need you to know our friendship means a lot - If you cry then I cry, if you laugh, then I laugh. if you jump out the window I look down then…. I laugh again.
An old friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a dead body. --Jim Hayes
I don't need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better. --Plutarch
A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked. --Bernard Meltzer
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim. --George Carlin
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
I have no trouble with my enemies. I can take care of my enemies all right. But my damn friends-they’re the ones that keep me walking the floor at night!
Forgive your enemies...but REMEMBER THEIR NAMES!
A friend will lend you an umbrella... But a GREAT friend will take yours and say "RUN RETARD YOU'RE GETTING WET!!!!"
A Friend is someone who knows all about you and loves you anyway!!!
Best friends listen to what you don't.
It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend. --John Dryden
If a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it. --Edgar Watson Howe
If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them. I'd be at the bottom to catch them.
Nothing but heaven itself is better than a friend who is really a friend. --Plautus
Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. ~Oprah Winfrey
Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather is one of those things that give value to survival. -- C. S. Lewis
When you look around and your world is crumbling or when you think no one loves you, your best friend is the one to run to you.
Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.
It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone--but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
There is as much difference between the counsel that a friend giveth, and that a man giveth himself, as there is between the counsel of a friend and of a flatterer. For there is no such flatterer as is a man's self. --Francis Bacon
Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born. -- Anais Nin
The beginning of love is to let those we love be just themselves, and not twist them with our own image - otherwise, we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.
A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down.
A friend will help you hide your affair. A true friend will slap you silly and yell, "Are you mad?!"
Teachers call it cheating. We call it TEAMWORK ~Morgan Nichols
If you love someone tell them, because hearts are often broken by words left unspoken.
Suicide is a way of telling God, You can’t fire me, I quit!!!!!
Life is tough, get a helmet
Love those who love you forget those who forget you.
We're all going to die. But it's okay, I have a HELMET!!!
Count your age with friends but not with years.
Boys are like parking spaces, all the good ones are taken; or handicapped.
Sometimes, a cute friend makes an acutely painful enemy.
When all you think about is your one and only, you’ve found your only one.
No matter what they take from me they cant take my dignity. It's already gone.
Love the heart that hurts you,
Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.
It’s funny that those things your kids did that got on your nerves seem so cute when your grandchildren do them.
There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side. But my side is the right side, so there's really only two.
Life is like a dream and in the end, when you die, you pinch yourself and wake up and never dream again.
Half of the people in the world are below average.
I wasn’t kissing him I was whispering in his mouth.
East to the sea, West to the lands and death to the girl that touches my man.
Live like there is no tomorrow, Sing as if no one can hear, Love like you have never been hurt, Dance as if nobody is watching, Laugh like no one is listening.
Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much
When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
Put the Mime back in the box.
Always remember you’re unique… Just like everyone else.
Banging your head on a wall burns 150 calories per hour.
Normal people scare me!
Hi! My Name is TROUBLE.
Keep Staring. I might do a trick.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. --Fred Allen
I can resist everything except temptation.
Take a long walk off of a short pier.
When I’m not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
My body is a temple where junk food goes to worship.
The world is coming to an end. Please log off.
Weird is different. Which is unique. Therefore weird is good.
I am surrounded by Idiots.
As a matter of fact, I am a rocket scientist.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was 'Shut Up.'
I was hitchhiking the other day and a hearse stopped. I said, "No thanks -- I'm not going that far." ~Steven Wright
Till' the age of 15 I thought my name was Jesus Christ, my brothers Damnit. I was playing in the yard one day and my father came storming out of the house and yelled 'Damnit! Get In HERE!" I said back "But Dad! I'm Jesus Christ!" ~Bill Cosby
Everyone's entitled to be stupid but you are abusing the priviledge.
Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.
To err is human, to blame it on someone else shows management potential.
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.
“Work fascinates me" - I can look at it for hours!
A poor surgeon hurts 1 person at a time. A poor teacher hurts 130.
Friends: people who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them.
The harder you work, the harder it is to surrender.
I see your face when I am dreaming. That's why I always wake up screaming.
Here officer, hold my beer while I find my license.
Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.
A drink a day keeps the shrink away.
If men knew all that women think, they would be twenty times more daring.
If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.
The four most important words in any marriage…”I’ll do the dishes.”
You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made.
If the creator had a purpose in equipping us with a neck, he surely meant us to stick it out.
Everyone needs believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
Anyone who thinks the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, is aiming ten inches too high.
A woman is like a teabag; you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.
Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it.
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
Nobody can get the truth out of me because even I don't know what it is. I keep myself in a constant state of utter confusion.
What a dog I got, his favourite bone is in my arm.
Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping.
Black Holes are where God divided by zero.
The zoo, it's better than the passport office.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
I am desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Horn If Your Honkey ~Staci Cook
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
I have enjoyed life a lot more by saying yes than by saying no.
Early to rise, and early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire.
Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day.
Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.
So, when is the wizard getting back to you with the brain.
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music.
When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind.
I love to give homemade gifts. Which one of my kids do you want?
Oh crap! You're going to try and cheer me up, aren't you?
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
If you think your wife's jewelery is an investment, try selling a few pieces.
Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.
I respect your reality and detonate my own.
Life’s a bitch and then you die.
I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.
I am not young enough to know everything.
Yes, As A Matter Of Fact, I Do Own The Whole Damn Road!
By the time you read this you’ve already read it.
Life is as tedious as a twice-told tale vexing the dull ear of a drowsy man. --William Shakespeare
No matter how bad things get, you got to go on living, even if it kills you. --Sholom Aleichem
You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'. --Chris Rock
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it. --Oscar Wilde
I’m very pleased to be here. Let’s face it, at my age I’m very pleased to be anywhere. ~George Burns
Life loves to be taken by the lapel and told, I am with you kid Let’s go!
No one owns life, but anyone who can pick up a frying pan owns death. --William Burroughs
Life is just one damned thing after another.
Tattoo the pristine flesh
Ever notice how many of women's problems can be traced back to the male gender?
If pro is the opposite of con, then what is the opposite of Progress? Hmm, let's just think about that.