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Joined 10-13-09, id: 2114083, Profile Updated: 01-21-11
Author has written 2 stories for Percy Jackson and the Olympians, and Doctor Who.

I've gone to find myself. If I get back before I return, tell me to wait here.

Any minute now, I will jump in with my pointless observations.

More people would learn from their mistakes if they weren't so busy denying them.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

My imaginary friend thinks you have some serious mental problems.

I'm bored. Run for your sanity.

We are not retreating . . . we are advancing in another direction.

I've always wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my enemy to go swimming.

I've never seen anyone so prone to life-threatening idiocy.

I'm not lost, I'm exploring.

Hi, my job is to annoy you.

Don't ever frown, you never know who's falling in love with your smile.

You laugh at me because I'm crazy. I laugh at you because there's an invisible leprechaun sitting on your shoulder.

Last night, I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars and I thought . . . WHERE THE HECK IS THE CEILING?

Before you judge a person, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, it doesn't matter, because you're a mile away from him, and you've got his shoes!

Have you ever noticed that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot and anybody driving faster than you is a maniac?

Come to the Dark Side. We have COOKIES!

Welcome to the Dark Side. Are you surprised that we lied about having cookies?

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

Keep smiling. It makes everyone wonder what you're up to.

Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver.

National Sarcasm Society: Like we need your support.

I didn't lose my mind; I sold it on ebay.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion;it's just that yours is stupid!

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not so sure about the universe.

I had a friend once, but the rope broke and he got away.

I'm sure someone cares that you're alive, it's just not me!

You say I've lost my sanity. Well I've got news for you! You can't lose what you never had.

I ate a waffle today . . . in accordance to the prophecy.

Whoever said nothing was impossible never made an attempt to slam a revolving door.

I let my mind wander, but it never came back.

I don't have a psychiatrist, and I don't want one for the simple reason that if he listened to me long enough, he might become disturbed.

What girls don't seem to know: when a guy acts like he hates you, chances are, he likes you.
What guys don't seem to know: when a girl acts like she hates you, chances are, she hates you!

Sometimes I wonder "Why is the Frisbee getting bigger?" Then, it hits me.

One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.

I don't suffer from insanity . . . I enjoy every minute of it.

Warning: Do NOT follow in my footsteps. I tend to walk into walls and off the occasional cliff.

I'll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.

There are three kinds of people in the world: those who can count and those that can't.

Please refrain from excessively licking the ceiling.

The world is full of crazy people. They made me their leader.

This is Bob. Bob likes sharp things. I suggest you run from Bob.

You're just jealous because we act retarded in public and people STILL love us!

Don't mess with me, I've got a stick.

Boys are like Slinky's . . . useless, but fun to watch fall down stairs.

Slinky + escalator = endless fun!

I did what they say and chose the road less traveled . . . now where the heck am I?

Education is important; school, however, is another matter.

People tell me I'm weird and I say "You just figured that out?"

Best friends are the people that know all about you and still put up with you.

I dream of a better tomorrow--where chickens can cross roads and not have their motives questioned.

I don't have a short attention span, I just--ooh, a kitty!

Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that, my children, is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.

Make a man a fire and you can keep him warm for a day; set a man on fire and you can keep him warm for life.

The lottery is a tax on people who are really bad at math.

A piece of cheese could come up with a plan more cunning than that!

I'm not insane . . . I just do whatever the voices tell me to!

Boys are like trees: they take fifty years to grow up.

I don't obsess; I think intensely.

Muffins are just ugly cupcakes . . . but we love them anyway.

A conclusion is when you got tired of thinking.

At my lemonade stand, I used to give the first glass free and charge five dollars for the second glass. It contained the antidote.

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

Those who fail history class are doomed to repeat it.

The statistics of insanity are that one in every four Americans is suffering from some kind of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If it's not them, it's you.

The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we take the security labels off everything and let the problem work itself out?

My friends are the type of people who would try to drown a fish, but I love them anyway.

The buddy system is essential to survival; it gives the enemy something else to shoot at.

I like you. When the world is mine, your death shall be quick and painless.

You're not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately.

A bookstore is one of the few pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.

If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving.

The computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick-boxing.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people and their questions.

Ooh, a life! Where can I download one?

Doctors say I have multiple-personality disorder. We disagree with that.

I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.

Do not disturb, I'm disturbed enough already.

Earth is the insane asylum of the universe.

There's no place like home . . . but Wal-mart's close.

Whoever said words don't hurt never got hit by a dictionary.

Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead.

Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from a friend's forehead.

To err is human. To really screw things up, you need a computer.

People have the right to be stupid, but some abuse that privilege.

Join the army, go to exotic places, meet new people, then kill them.

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they're doing "practice"?

Do coffins have lifetime guarantees?

"Cute as a button". Since when are buttons cute?

A celebrity is somebody who works all his life to be well-known, then wears dark sunglasses so as not to be recognized.

An expert is a person who tells you a simple thing in a confusing way in such a fashion that you think the confusion is your fault.

A comedian does funny things. A good comedian does things funny.

It may be your sole purpose in life to serve as a warning for others.

Isn't it funny how people who want quiet the most are the loudest telling others to shut up?

Why do psychics have to ask for your name?

For every winner, there are dozens of losers. Odds are, you're one of them.

Quitters never win, winners never quit, but those who never win and never quit are idiots.

You'll always miss one hundred percent of the shots you don't take, and, statistically speaking, ninety-nine percent of the shots you do.

Hard work often pays off after time, but laziness pays off now.

If we don't take care of the customer, maybe they'll stop bugging us.

Attitudes are contagious. Mine might kill you.

In the battle between you and the world, bet on the world.

Rule #13: If you ever see an angry chainsaw zombie coming at you, RUN FOR YOU LIFE!

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

The more you learn, the more you know. The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. Therefore what is the point in learning?

What's this thing called "Normal"? Is it contagious?! OMG! Don't touch me! I might catch your normal.

You can't argue with all the fools in the world. It's better to let them have their own way then trick them when they're not looking.

The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your actions.

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, when I grew up I was BLACK, when I'm sick I'm BLACK, when I go in the sun I'm BLACK, when I'm cold I'm BLACK, when I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, when you're born you're PINK, when you grow up you're WHITE, when you're sick, you're GREEN, when you go in the sun you turn RED, when you're cold you turn BLUE, and when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away . . .

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call a "floor"--a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck, friends, for I may not return alive.

People fear the strange and unusual. I am the strange and unusual. FEAR ME!

Don't think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. Either it's my mom or my dad. Or my older brother Collin. Or my other brother Ho-Chan-Chu. I think it's Collin.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

How in the world do all mad scientists finish their experiments in the middle of a thunderstorm?!

It's you and me versus the world . . . we attack at dawn.

Yo-yos were invented as a weapon.

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, onto a little see-saw or jump through a ring of fire. They're trained for that.

The voices assure me that I'm normal.

It's such a beautiful day. I think I'll skip my medications.

You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me.

Friends are like potatoes: if you eat them, they die.

Who is this life person and where does he get all these lemons?

I'm smiling. That alone should scare you.

I've stopped fighting my inner demons. We're on the same side now.

My glass isn't half-empty. It isn't half-full. It's just a glass with water in it.

I run with scissors. It makes me feel dangerous.

I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to your mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which button to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press, no one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 969696969696969696969696969696969696969.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.
If you have bipolar disorder, leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.

When you wish upon a falling star, all your dreams can come true. Unless it's actually a meteor hurtling towards earth which will destroy all life. Then you're pretty much hosed no matter what you wish for. Unless it's death by meteor.

There is a line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line!

Remember that you are unique. Just like everybody else.

They have sent us to this dungeon more commonly known as school.

There is nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and lose that it's weird.

Burning someone at the stake is considered rude in some parts of America.

...can a pizza get delivered to your house before an ambulance can.
...are there handicapped parking spaces in front of a skating rink. drugstores make sick people walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. people order a double cheeseburger, large fries, and a diet coke. banks leave both doors open but chain the pens to the counters. we leave expensive cars in the driveway and worthless stuff in the garage. we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. we use the word "politics" so freely: in Latin, "poli" meaning many, and "ticks" meaning blood-sucking leeches. we have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.

Notice: need help moving bodies . . . I mean, STUFF! Contact the local asylum.

Secret admirers are stalkers with stationery.

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

A loser is a window-washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire their work.

If you can stay calm when all around you is complete chaos, you probably don't fully understand the situation.

Don't knock Death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

The newscaster is a person who says "Good evening" then proceeds to tell you why it's not.

If life gives you lemons, you could make lemonade . . . or you can make a biologically-engineered, virulent, air-borne, pathogenic virus that will wipe out the entire population of the planet, which would be a whole lot cooler.

Don't worry about people in your past, there's a reason they didn't make it into your future.

The rules only apply if you get caught.

Why is it necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin? (zombie invasion)

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

So, what's the speed of dark?

Why is abbreviated such a long word?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't live there?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste "funny"?

I have ranted to an empty room, and then ended with a "Thanks for listening" because, if no one heard, then it's okay, but if someone did, then I have officially freaked out a secret agent corporation.

Whoa, there's a feud between pirates and ninjas? That's going to make my part-time jobs hard.

I'm the kind of friend who would help you move a human body, anyplace, anytime.

I got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's.

A true idiot climbs a glass wall to see what's on the other side.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

I used all my sick days, so I called in dead.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Don't worry about the end of the world coming today, it's already tomorrow in Australia.

Kids are the future. Be afraid, very afraid!

Why be difficult, when, with just a little more effort, you can be impossible?

Warning: Lost kids will be sold to the circus.

I don't have a dog. I eat my own homework.

I love my computer. My friends live in it.

I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.

You're a great friend, but if zombies are chasing us . . . I'm tripping you.

I think I'm looking at you and your clones. I see dumb people.

So many stupid people, so little duct tape.

I'm too tired to punch you. Would you run your face into my fist repeatedly?

I have multiple personalities and none of them like you.

I may be a cute penguin, but as soon as I get you alone, I will eat you!

I don't understand white crayons. Why are they here? What do they want from us?

"Let's eat Grandma!" or "Let's eat, Grandma!". Punctuation saves lives.

Get real. No one's going to form a single-file line if the building's on FIRE!

I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to hell in multiple religions.

In real life, men who sparkle are gay.

When I was your age, there were 151 Pokemon and Pluto was a planet.

You say "nerd" like it's a bad thing.

The next sentence is true. The previous sentence is false.

Honestly, I'm an angel! The horns are just there to keep the halo up.

You can't spell "diet" without "die"!

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

I'm not saying you're stupid, I'm just implying it.

Right now, I have amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

EMO - Extravagantly Made Origami.

Pluto: 1930-2007. R.I.P. Revolve in Peace

I'm an English major; you do the math.

Be insane . . . because well-behaved girls never made history.


When I die, I want to die like my grandfather, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming like the other passengers in his car.

If you have five fish and three drown, how many are left?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns toast to a horrible little crisp that no decent human being would ever eat?

In Hollywood, a marriage is considered successful if it outlasts milk.

I used to care, but I take a pill for that now.

Don't take life too serious; no one gets out alive.

Death is God's way of saying "You're fired!" Suicide is human's way of saying "You can't fire me, I quit!"

Hippopotomonstrousaequipodaliophobia - the fear of long words.

I'm not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally.

Borrow money from pessimists - they won't expect to get it back.

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

Shin - a device for finding furniture in the dark.

People will believe anything if you whisper it.

Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons because, to them, you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, and then used against you.

You can't buy happiness, but you can buy ice cream, which is pretty much the same thing.

If you are a serial killer, GET THE HECK AWAY FROM ME. If you are a cereal killer, GET THE HECK AWAY FROM MY FROOT LOOPS!

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while, I was a suspect.

The Energizer bunny was arrested: charged with battery.

When I was kidnapped, my parents sprung into action. They rented out my room.

To put it nicely, I hope you choke.

Sad News. Pass it on.
Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly-greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy raised quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered much of a smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough, and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

I realize that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure that you realize that what you heard was not what I meant.

Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

Life is one fool thing after another whereas love is two fool things after each other.

"I wumbo; you wumbo; he, she, me wumbo; wumbo; wumboing; wumborama; we'll have the wumbo; WUMBOLOGY, the STUDY of WUMBO. It's first-grade, SpongeBob." Patrick Star

"Spiders! They want me to tap-dance. I don't want to tap-dance." Ron Weasley

"I think you're beautiful and my tongue swells up when I see you." Buddy the Elf

"Why do people in ship mutinies ask for 'better treatment'? I'd ask for a pinball machine, because with all that rocking back and forth, you'd probably be able to get a lot of free games." Jack Handy

"The difference between a man and a boy is, a boy wants to grow up to be a fireman, but a man wants to grow up to be a giant monster fireman." Jack Handy

"If God dwells inside us like some people say, I hope he likes enchiladas, because that's what he's getting." Jack Handy

"I hope some animal never bores a whole in my head and lays its eggs in my brain, because later you might think you were having a good idea but it's just eggs hatching." Jack Handy

"It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man." Jack Handy

"As I bit into a nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable--until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but a HUMAN HEAD!" Jack Handy

"My young son asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth--that most of us go to hell and burn eternally--but I didn't want to upset him." Jack Handy

"If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong though. It's Hambone." Jack Handy

"I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people." Jack Handy

"Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire, and nobody got scared." Jack Handy

If I ever start to listen to the voices in my head, you're in serious trouble.

If we're not supposed to have midnight snacks, then why is there a light in the fridge?

Come to the nerd side. We have pi.

Innocent trumpet player by day. Ninja by night.

Bigfoot is really just a runaway Wookie.

Music. It beats killing people.

Hogwarts Rule #17: Seamus Finnigan is not "after me Lucky Charms".
Hogwarts Rule #29: I do not weigh the same as a duck.
Hogwarts Rule #30: Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar.
Hogwarts Rule #36: I will not change the password on the prefects' bathroom to "Makes getting clean almost as fun as getting dirty."
Hogwarts Rule #37: There is no such thing as an Invisibility Thong.
Hogwarts Rule #38: Professor Flitwick does not wish to be addressed as "Admiral Naismith".
Hogwarts Rule #42: 42 is not the answer to every question on the O.W.L.s.
Hogwarts Rule #47: I will not ask Dumbledore to show me the "pointy hat trick".
Hogwarts Rule #48: I will not teach the first years to sing "A Wizard's Staff Has a Knob on the End".
Hogwarts Rule #54: My name is not Captain Subtext.
Hogwarts Rule #56: I will not refer to Kingsley Shacklebolt as a "Big Black Sex Auror".
Hogwarts Rule #59: I am not the Defense Against the Boring Classes Professor.
Hogwarts Rule #62: Gryffindor courage does not come in bottles labeled "Firewhiskey".
Hogwarts Rule #64: First years are not to be fed to Fluffy.
Hogwarts Rule #67: I will stop referring to Hufflepuffs as "cannon fodder".
Hogwarts Rule #73: I should not refer to DADA professors as "canaries in the coal mine".
Hogwarts Rule #76: There is not now, nor has there ever been, a fifth house at Hogwarts. And I am not a member of that house, nor am I its founder.
Hogwarts Rule #79: I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I prophesied her death.
Hogwarts Rule #85: Ravenclaws do not find a sign saying "The library is closed for an indefinite time period" amusing in any sense.
Hogwarts Rule #86: I will not attempt to recreate the Key To Time during Transfiguration Class.
Hogwarts Rule #88: I am not allowed to use Silencing Charms on my professors.
Hogwarts Rule #93: I am not part of the Spanish Inquisition.
Hogwarts Rule #97: I will not claim that here is a prequel to "Hogwarts: A History" that explains about Bilbo Baggins.
Hogwarts Rule #98: "OMGWTF" is not a spell.
Hogwarts Rule #105: I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him that they're real animals.
Hogwarts Rule #121: I am not allowed to make lightsaber sounds with my wand.
Hogwarts Rule #137: It's a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself too seriously.
Hogwarts Rule #143: I will not sing "We're Off to See the Wizard" when sent to the Headmaster's office.

Camp Half-Blood in the summer. Hogwarts the rest of the year.

If it weren't for law enforcement and physics, I would be UNSTOPPABLE!

I hate it when the little voices argue with my imaginary friends.

We are the people our parents warned us about.

Even if the voices aren't real, they still have some pretty good ideas.

That's pretty illegal, even for us.

You're about to be a strange smell in the attic.

Our national health plan: Don't get sick.

To be old and wise you must first have to be young and stupid.

Blonde invention #2: Solar-powered candles.

Always be yourself (unless you suck).

The last thing I ever want to do is hurt you . . . but it's still on the list.

You're sad he died? Please, I was sad when they cut him from the fourth movie. I read the books.

Famous last words: "Hey, watch this!"

Hi, my name is Bob. Please don't hurt me.

Do not taunt the octopus.

1 day of coal, 364 days of fun. I think I'll take my chances.

The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean that you're an artist.

Chuck Norris doesn't breathe. He holds air hostage.

Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it.

Keep your hands off my wombat.

You were lied to. I'm here to bring the dark, hidden truth. Cursive is useless.

Hi, Thursday? I'm going to need you to stop sucking? You're not in some kind of twisted contest with Monday. Step it up.

The world is full with crazy, ridiculous people. The only way to deal with it is to be even crazier and more ridiculous.

I don't like the phrase FML. I like "FYL" because, when I'm angry, I make the world suffer.

Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens broke up. I lack caring. Wait . . . they're not going to sing about it, right? RIGHT?!

Some people look at the glass as half-empty. Some see it as half-full. I see it as a great way to poison them.

In reality, most of the world needs to Accio some sanity.

You know what's fantastic? Knowing you're better than someone. Even if they don't know it, you do. Savor it.

You know that talking thing you're doing? Do the world a favor and cut it out.

Have you been murdered by Death Eaters today? No? Then consider today a gift and quit whining.

Today is a perfect day to cause some mayhem.

If Ron Weasley can do magic, then why is he still a ginger?

Boring prequel: Harry Potter and the Ten Years Spent in a Cupboard.

If fat people are supposed to be jolly, then how do you explain Dolores Umbridge?

I see you're playing stupid again . . . looks like you're winning, too.

Why, yes, I do spontaneously break out into ninja moves.

I will take this spork and I will END YOU!

"All right, I'm only gonna show you this once!" ~ suicide bombing instructor.

Let's flip a coin. Heads, I win. Tails, you lose.

I've got trunk space and shovels.

Awesome ends with ME!

I tried being normal once. Worst five minutes of my life.

It's not that chocolate is a substitute for love. Love is a substitute for chocolate. Chocolate is, let's face it, far more reliable than any man.

"The aging process has you firmly in its grasp when you never get the urge to throw a snowball." Doug Larson

I'm not mean. You're just a sissy.

Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?

The zombies are looking for brains. Don't worry, you're safe.

Drunks run red lights. Stoners wait for stop signs to turn green.

You're perverted, twisted, and sick. I like that.

Please continue. Don't let my biting sarcasm deter you.

Music is my drug. iTunes is my dealer.

If I can't be a good example, I'll just have to be a horrible warning.

After we escaped from Voldemort and helped Katniss bring down the Capitol, Legolas and I got married on the Black Pearl and lived happily ever after in Narnia.

I really don't know why I don't just set you on fire.

I can't wait until we're all roomies at the asylum.

Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?

My friends are the kind that, if the house was burning down, would make s'mores and hit on the firemen.

I don't have anger management problems. I just prefer to solve my issues with violence.

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk!

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Bored? Give me coffee. I'll change that.

Chuck Norris was in all six Star Wars movies. They called him the Force.

Creating man-eating mutant kittens is morally wrong.

Reality sounds like a nice place, but I wouldn't want to LIVE there.

Every time I go to the doctor, I get a jacket. A straight one. It makes me feel special because I get to hug myself.

Never say "Things couldn't get any worse". God takes that as a personal challenge.

I'm not questioning your integrity. I'm pondering the logic of your existence.

Note to self: It is illegal to stab people for being stupid.

School prepares you for the real world, which also sucks.

To you, it's ADHD. To me, it's random multitasking.

Prepare to cower before my invincible powers of irony and sarcasm.

Anger is only one letter short of danger . . . so . . . don't get me mad.

Remember life before the internet? Back when the world had, like, secrets?

Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.

Caffeine helps you do stupid things faster.

Friends don't let friends drive bulldozers while drinking acid.

When I die, I so want to haunt you.

I reject your reality and substitute my own.

I am a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up.

How do I block you in real life?

Well, according to Newton's second law, not only do I run into walls, the walls run into me.

I am not resigned to the shutting away of loving hearts in the hard ground.
So it is, and so it will be, for so it has been, time out of mind:
Into the darkness they go, the wise and the lovely. Crowned
With lilies and with laurel they go, but I am not resigned.

Lovers and thinkers, into the earth with you.
Be one with the dull, the indiscriminate dust.
A fragment of what you felt, of what you knew,
A formula, a phrase remains; but the best is lost.

The answers quick and keen, the honest look, the laughter, the love.
They are gone. They have gone to feed the roses. Elegant and curled
Is the blossom. Fragrant is the blossom. I know. But I do not approve.
More precious was the light in your eyes than all the roses in the world.

Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave.
Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind.
Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.
I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Time and the Trickster by Lumendea reviews
Sequel to The Companion Connection. Rose Tyler is the Defender of Earth in her own right and the girlfriend of the Doctor in a temporally complicated relationship. Now with her second year at university starting she knows that life isn't going to be calm or easy, but even Rose has no idea what is in store. Thirteen adventures and fourth in the Guardians of the Universe series.
Doctor Who - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 65 - Words: 206,209 - Reviews: 1268 - Favs: 636 - Follows: 604 - Updated: 7/19/2014 - Published: 10/27/2012 - [Rose T., 10th Doctor, 9th Doctor, 11th Doctor] - Complete
With Starlight in Their Wake by Wintermoth reviews
The goodbyes have been said, the tears have been shed, and now they're ready to keep going. While in London for chips and a visit to Shareen, Rose and the Doctor check into Royal Hope to investigate plasma coils building up around the hospital and end up in the middle of a Judoon inquiry - Season 3 rewrite (featuring 10, Rose, and Martha) COMPLETE.
Doctor Who - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 75 - Words: 424,179 - Reviews: 2629 - Favs: 1,046 - Follows: 1,046 - Updated: 6/27/2014 - Published: 12/1/2012 - [10th Doctor, Rose T.] Martha J., TARDIS - Complete
Things Unseen by artist369 reviews
A professionally illustrated, daring adventure of romance and intrigue, written in a classic could-be-canon Doctor Who feel. Things don't quite go as planned for the Meta-Crisis Doctor when he arrives on Pete's World. Thrown into a mystery that needs solving, can the Doctor and Rose discover the truth behind a hidden threat before it's too late?
Doctor Who - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 33 - Words: 111,165 - Reviews: 135 - Favs: 110 - Follows: 96 - Updated: 2/28/2014 - Published: 11/3/2013 - 10th Doctor Duplicate, Rose T., Jake S. - Complete
Falling In Love In A Coffee Shop by ashlanielle reviews
Life is even more so. Life has been more than a little hard for Rose Tyler, causing her to build walls that no one can get through. John Noble is just existing, not realizing there could be something more. That is until he meets Rose. But will past tragedy and fear keep apart two people meant to be together? (Ten/Rose AU)
Doctor Who - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 28 - Words: 64,027 - Reviews: 63 - Favs: 112 - Follows: 61 - Updated: 2/14/2014 - Published: 1/23/2014 - [10th Doctor, Rose T.] Martha J., Mickey S. - Complete
Made of Stardust by Ninjee reviews
Rose Tyler has left her old school behind, hoping to start over quietly. Then, months later, she meets the Smiths (where all boys are named John due to some long ago joke) and gains a dozen interesting friends. And after she falls for one of the Smiths and someone she'd hoped was gone forever returns, she resolves to face up to her past, and try and figure out her future. (Teen AU)
Crossover - Doctor Who & Sherlock - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 14 - Words: 56,379 - Reviews: 249 - Favs: 225 - Follows: 182 - Updated: 1/29/2014 - Published: 12/23/2012 - [Rose T., 10th Doctor] - Complete
Just Like Magic by Ryah Ignis reviews
Rose can't believe that the Doctor-in nine hundred crazy years of time and space-hasn't read Harry Potter. So together they embark on one of the most wonderful stories ever told.
Doctor Who - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,010 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 2 - Published: 12/24/2013 - 9th Doctor, 10th Doctor, Rose T. - Complete
Howling with the Storm by whoson1st reviews
Rose spent two years rewriting her history with the Doctor, and now they finally have their chance at forever. But as new friends and foes alike appear, new challenges come with them. Can the Doctor and Rose live happily ever after? What is that supposed to look like anyway? Rewrite of season 3, second in the Written in the Stars series. Now complete.
Doctor Who - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 64 - Words: 243,975 - Reviews: 2150 - Favs: 1,314 - Follows: 794 - Updated: 12/24/2013 - Published: 7/18/2013 - 10th Doctor, Rose T. - Complete
The Wolf and the Thief by whoson1st reviews
Rose is trapped in a universe that is trying erase her. With the help of a very special friend, she gets the opportunity to go back and rewrite her entire history with the Doctor in order to keep the tragic events at Canary Wharf from happening. Can she succeed? Or is she doomed to fade away? First in the Written in the Stars series, now complete.
Doctor Who - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Romance - Chapters: 71 - Words: 217,952 - Reviews: 1497 - Favs: 1,748 - Follows: 589 - Updated: 12/24/2013 - Published: 5/11/2013 - 9th Doctor, 10th Doctor, Rose T. - Complete
Feeling Electric by ProfessorSpork reviews
She walks into the comic book store, and everything changes. An AU story. / "No!" she insists, but she's grinning and bumping his shoulder and he has never, ever talked to anyone like this before.
Doctor Who - Rated: K - English - Friendship/Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 23,853 - Reviews: 265 - Favs: 1,141 - Follows: 268 - Updated: 12/24/2013 - Published: 5/12/2010 - 10th Doctor, Rose T. - Complete
Begging Forgiveness by bow-to-my-tie reviews
The Doctor has seldom felt guilty about forgetting dates on the TARDIS, but when he forgets the most important one of all, Rose Tyler's birthday, guilt strikes hard. Can he throw her the best surprise party ever, bake a cake, and not let her find out about it, all while not forgetting a single thing? Or will Rose want to leave the TARDIS and the forgetful Time Lord? 10/Rose
Doctor Who - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,947 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 5 - Published: 12/10/2013 - [10th Doctor, Rose T.] - Complete
Healthy Competition by CapnJack21 reviews
Competition, the Doctor knows, is bad. Especially with Mickey Smith who, really, is so far below his intellectual level the TARDIS sometimes has trouble translating him. And yet at the same time, competition with Mickey Smith is totally unavoidable. School Reunion missing moment.
Doctor Who - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,567 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 4 - Published: 11/6/2013 - 10th Doctor, Mickey S., Rose T. - Complete
Intervention by CrackedMetal reviews
TARDIS is tired of the tension between Martha and the Doctor caused by Rose. She forces them into a familiar old room where the Doctor has to relive some of his best and most painful memories and Martha will finally understand. Set after EotD. Eventual reunion fic. Doctor/Rose
Doctor Who - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 21 - Words: 102,445 - Reviews: 345 - Favs: 377 - Follows: 209 - Updated: 7/28/2013 - Published: 6/20/2010 - [10th Doctor, Rose T.] Martha J. - Complete
Labyrinthine by Jaxin88 reviews
They may have left the time windows behind, but for once, Rose is going to ignore the Doctor's unspoken rule to never look back. She has to. A post-GitF fic.
Doctor Who - Rated: T - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,351 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 5 - Published: 5/31/2013 - 10th Doctor, Mickey S., Rose T. - Complete
The Cutting Edge by bittie752 reviews
Rose Tyler was a rising speed skating star until one mistake derailed her promising career. John McDonald was a pairs figure skater with a lot of talent and a lot of attitude. Both of them had one last shot at glory, each other. Provided they don't kill each other first. Based on the movie the Cutting Edge
Doctor Who - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 28,601 - Reviews: 89 - Favs: 100 - Follows: 71 - Updated: 5/23/2013 - Published: 4/25/2013 - 10th Doctor, Rose T., Wilfred M./Wilf, Donna N. - Complete
We Have Time by Cantica10 reviews
Rose begins having nightmares about parting with The Doctor, and is in desperate need of some reassurance.
Doctor Who - Rated: K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,323 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 8 - Published: 5/11/2013 - 10th Doctor, Rose T. - Complete
A Fair Rose by bittie752 reviews
AU. Ten/Rose with Jack retelling of the movie Sabrina. This story is a mesh of both the Audrey Hepburn and Julia Ormond movies. Rose is the chauffeur's daughter and is hopelessly in love with Jack, the playboy, youngest son of a wealthy family. But he never seems to notice her, unlike his older brother.
Doctor Who - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 34,186 - Reviews: 167 - Favs: 215 - Follows: 87 - Updated: 1/4/2013 - Published: 12/15/2012 - 10th Doctor, Rose T. - Complete
Ring Around the Rosie by AintFraidaNoGhosts reviews
The Doctor & Jack are stranded in London and, based on the Doctor's alien gifts, open a psychic detective agency. When an old serial killer comes out to play, it's up to our heroes and DI Rose Tyler to play his deadly game before any more lives are lost
Doctor Who - Rated: T - English - Crime/Romance - Chapters: 14 - Words: 51,832 - Reviews: 130 - Favs: 210 - Follows: 120 - Updated: 12/10/2012 - Published: 2/23/2012 - 10th Doctor, Rose T. - Complete
Part Human by lastincurableromantic reviews
"Well, I guess this is our Aberdeen," she said. The part human Doctor struggles to make Rose see him how he sees himself, all while coming to terms with a new body, a new universe, no Tardis, and, oh yes, having to save the planet. Tough to categorize: sci fi/adventure/romance/humor/drama, etc. 10.5/Rose
Doctor Who - Rated: T - English - Romance/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 36 - Words: 128,794 - Reviews: 448 - Favs: 537 - Follows: 236 - Updated: 11/23/2012 - Published: 8/31/2012 - [10th Doctor Duplicate, Rose T.] - Complete
The Companion Connection by Lumendea reviews
Rose Tyler: Defender of the Earth and Star Knight has saved the world and the universe enough times to impress even the Doctor. Now she is a student at Cambridge, but with UNIT on campus and alien plots around the corner, her adventures have only just begun. Thirteen adventures and third in the Guardians of the Universe series. Features the 9th, 10th, 11th Doctors and more.
Doctor Who - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 65 - Words: 213,866 - Reviews: 1243 - Favs: 692 - Follows: 359 - Updated: 10/22/2012 - Published: 10/24/2011 - [Rose T., 10th Doctor, 9th Doctor, 11th Doctor] - Complete
Defender of the Earth by Lumendea reviews
Sequel to The Blonde Girl. Rose Tyler has survived three alien encounters before her sixteenth birthday and had her life radically altered. But with UNIT knocking at her door will Rose make it through what is ahead of her? Three full episode adventures. Guest starring 9th, 10th, 11th Doctors, the Brigadier, Toshiko Sato and many more.
Doctor Who - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 30 - Words: 76,163 - Reviews: 586 - Favs: 667 - Follows: 189 - Updated: 10/17/2011 - Published: 8/15/2011 - [Rose T., 10th Doctor] 9th Doctor, 11th Doctor - Complete
The Blonde Girl by Lumendea reviews
All it took to change the universe was one little alteration to the time line of Rose Tyler when she was eleven years old. While an alien hunts her and preys on children, Rose meets a remarkable man called the Doctor. Suddenly her childhood is full of adventure, aliens and lots of running that will change the course of her life. First in the Guardians of the Universe series.
Doctor Who - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure - Chapters: 26 - Words: 53,549 - Reviews: 287 - Favs: 787 - Follows: 216 - Updated: 7/28/2011 - Published: 6/19/2011 - Rose T., 9th Doctor, 11th Doctor, 10th Doctor - Complete
Some Mysteries are Best Left Alone by Purple Snowstorm reviews
Joy is back, Victor is dead, and the House is content. But not for long... NinaxFabianxJoy triangle and the rest of the House is in a love hexagon. But mostly NinaxFabianxJoy triangle.
Het Huis Anubis/House of Anubis - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 5,626 - Reviews: 31 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 22 - Updated: 1/22/2011 - Published: 1/17/2011
Dance the night away by Water Wolf 100 reviews
It's the end of the term and the school is buzzing with excitment about the upcoming dance. But Nina doesn't want to go. Can Amber convince her to go? And if she does who will be her date? Fabina!
Het Huis Anubis/House of Anubis - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 8 - Words: 18,115 - Reviews: 138 - Favs: 85 - Follows: 46 - Updated: 1/22/2011 - Published: 1/11/2011 - Complete
Summer Fades To Fall by deadheart115 reviews
This summer Sonny has to focus on earning money for college; but with her summer dream job mess, lots of cute guys around, and Chad working close by, one thing's for sure. This is going to be one tough summer. - COMPLETE -
Sonny with a Chance - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 28 - Words: 132,806 - Reviews: 505 - Favs: 203 - Follows: 119 - Updated: 8/31/2010 - Published: 7/16/2009 - Sonny M., Chad D. C. - Complete
The Voice Inside by Everafterjunkie reviews
When Sonny has a freak accident involving a hairdryer and a bath, she wakes to find she has a mysterious power...mind-reading.Will this power help innocent Sonny realise what people really think about her? Especially a certain jerkthrob. Channy ensues
Sonny with a Chance - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 17 - Words: 67,397 - Reviews: 862 - Favs: 338 - Follows: 211 - Updated: 6/24/2010 - Published: 1/29/2010 - Sonny M., Chad D. C. - Complete
Oh My My My by xForeverDazzledx reviews
AU. "Well I was 16 when suddenly, I wasn't that little girl you used to see. But your eyes still shined like pretty lights." The story of two best friends. Sonfic to Mary's Song Oh My My My by Taylor Swift. Channy.
Sonny with a Chance - Rated: K+ - English - Friendship/Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 16,215 - Reviews: 57 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 36 - Updated: 6/4/2010 - Published: 11/29/2009 - Sonny M., Chad D. C.
Assassin by bigger infinities reviews
To help Mackenzie Falls and So Random! to bond, Mr. Condor forces them to play a game of Assassin! Wait, does that make any sense? Read and find out what happens! Hopefully Channy! Rated T cause I'm paranoid.
Sonny with a Chance - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 13 - Words: 40,705 - Reviews: 310 - Favs: 98 - Follows: 64 - Updated: 5/20/2010 - Published: 3/13/2010 - Sonny M., Chad D. C. - Complete
The Seven Treasures of Kronos by B. D. Legan reviews
A girl with no memories washes up at Camp HalfBlood. Soon, storms erupt around the world and humans start getting suspicious. Only once time starts to freeze do they realize the Great Prophecy is about to come true. Can she and her friends stop it?
Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 26 - Words: 40,142 - Reviews: 187 - Favs: 43 - Follows: 16 - Updated: 2/24/2010 - Published: 12/24/2009 - Complete
Into the Woods by slaygirl101 reviews
After being left on the beach the Doctor, Rose and Jackie are forced to stay overnight in a small Norway village until they can get home, but something strange is happening in the quiet town.
Doctor Who - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure - Chapters: 22 - Words: 70,386 - Reviews: 48 - Favs: 41 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 2/25/2009 - Published: 1/23/2009 - 10th Doctor, Rose T. - Complete
A Prophecy of Sand by GingerFlight reviews
Sequel to Fire of the Clans. Sandycloud is a new warrior,and has finally earned the respect of her Clanmates. But when mysterious things begin to happen, Sandycloud struggles with doing what's right, along with her love for her leader. HIATUS.
Warriors - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 5 - Words: 10,315 - Reviews: 63 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 11/15/2008 - Published: 6/8/2008
Clan Party! by Infinite Rhapsody reviews
The Clans are throwing a party. Watch out for Firestar's swinging rabbit! If you don't like random humor and Dustpelt smashing coffee cups, then don't read. TNP spoilers. Everyone is OOC. I was nine when I wrote this, this isn't how I write anymore.
Warriors - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,347 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 6 - Updated: 8/21/2008 - Published: 7/6/2008 - Complete
Warriors: Fire of the Clans by GingerFlight reviews
Sandypaw is always teased because of her HalfClan heritage.She is determined to prove them wrong,and will do anything to show her loyalty.But this is harder than she thought, especially when she falls in love with the deputy...when he already has a mate.
Warriors - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 16 - Words: 69,861 - Reviews: 188 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 6/8/2008 - Published: 8/5/2007 - Complete
The Woman in the Riverbed by dutchrub reviews
There is a line where passion becomes obsession and the pursuit of truth becomes a deadly gamble. Temperance Brennan is about to cross it. Pre Soldier on the Grave. COMPLETE!
Bones - Rated: T - English - Mystery/Angst - Chapters: 11 - Words: 77,804 - Reviews: 253 - Favs: 145 - Follows: 86 - Updated: 11/12/2007 - Published: 4/29/2006 - S. Booth, T. Brennan - Complete
Suspending Belief by imsanehonest reviews
The image of the Doctor's frowning face had been more than enough to break stronger wills than hers. But not this time. Rose was about to be eaten. It was going to take a lot more than a pout to make that prospect seem any more agreeable.
Doctor Who - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 41,658 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 20 - Updated: 5/21/2007 - Published: 4/2/2007 - Complete
Beautiful Missionary by more-than-words reviews
“And then there was you and me, just stuck in the middle of it all, with no way out and no way to get back to where we came from. And that was it. The end of it all.” 10Rose romance and adventure, Doomsday doesn’t happen. Now complete.
Doctor Who - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 18 - Words: 83,397 - Reviews: 334 - Favs: 189 - Follows: 58 - Updated: 4/20/2007 - Published: 1/29/2007 - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Getting It Right reviews
Rose and Tentoo must deal with the aftermath of being left at Bad Wolf Bay. Tentoo must adapt to a new world while Rose has to accept a new Doctor.
Doctor Who - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 11,489 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 2/3/2014 - Published: 6/20/2013 - Rose T., 10th Doctor Duplicate
Passage of Secrets reviews
Two demigods and an idiot to possibly save the world. They face ghosts, gay pirates, and lots more. Will they succeed?
Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 27,272 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 11/29/2010 - Published: 4/11/2010
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