HoosYourDaddy
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Joined 10-14-09, id: 2114636, Profile Updated: 08-16-19
Author has written 3 stories for Harry Potter.

Welcome to my profile.

My stories have frequent smut, and are not intended for younger audiences. Enjoy ;)

AUGUST 2019 UPDATE: The Spider and the Fly is finished, unless I find an uncontrollable urge to post an epilogue. I've got a few more stories on the way, including a Harry/Pansy smutty comedy, and a Harry/Angelina oneshot that's been gathering dust for years.

I also guest-wrote the second chapter of vlad the inhaler's Whatever Happened to Bromance years ago. It's a very funny story, so check it out and leave him a review if you're so inclined.

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Harry Potter and the Bodacious Bodyguard by MazzyStarShip reviews
When Tonks is forced to go undercover as Harry's bodyguard at Hogwarts, chaos ensues. Who ever said that fighting Dark Lords couldn't be fun? Slow-building Harry/Tonks. Fifth year. Rated M for crude humor and a few adult situations.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 12 - Words: 66,274 - Reviews: 339 - Favs: 1,030 - Follows: 1,763 - Updated: 10/5 - Published: 9/14/2018 - [Harry P., N. Tonks] Ron W., Hermione G.
Harry Potter and the Prince of Slytherin by The Sinister Man reviews
Harry Potter was Sorted into Slytherin after a crappy childhood. His brother Jim is believed to be the BWL. Think you know this story? Think again. Year Three (Harry Potter and the Death Eater Menace) starts on 9/1/16. NO romantic pairings prior to Fourth Year. Basically good Dumbledore and Weasleys. Limited bashing (mainly of James).
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Mystery - Chapters: 118 - Words: 848,223 - Reviews: 11775 - Favs: 11,340 - Follows: 13,082 - Updated: 9/26 - Published: 4/17/2015 - Harry P., Hermione G., Neville L., Theodore N.
Victoria Potter by Taure reviews
Magically talented, Slytherin fem!Harry. Years 1-3 of Victoria Potter's adventures at Hogwarts, with a strong focus on magic, friendship, and boarding school life. Mostly canonical world but avoids rehash of canon plotlines. No bashing, no kid politicians, no 11-year-old romances. First Year complete as of chapter 12.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Friendship - Chapters: 20 - Words: 137,314 - Reviews: 556 - Favs: 1,452 - Follows: 2,082 - Updated: 9/9 - Published: 11/4/2017 - Harry P., Pansy P., Susan B., Daphne G.
Harry Potter and Future's Past by DriftWood1965 reviews
Starts out the day after the Battle of Hogwarts. Harry and Hermione meet the Goddess of Love, and she offers to let them go back in time. Strictly Harry and Hermione. Minor - well maybe major Ginny, Ron and Dumbledore Bashing. Soul Bond - Time Travel
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 41 - Words: 326,387 - Reviews: 7330 - Favs: 14,484 - Follows: 16,980 - Updated: 8/24 - Published: 1/13/2010 - Harry P., Hermione G.
Sympathetic Properties by Mr Norrell reviews
Having been treated as a servant his entire life, Harry is more sympathetic when Dobby arrives, avoiding Vernon's wrath and gaining a bit of freedom. That freedom changes his summer, his life, and the world forever. A very long character-driven story that likes to play with canon.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 44 - Words: 600,266 - Reviews: 3557 - Favs: 4,865 - Follows: 6,473 - Updated: 8/6 - Published: 12/24/2014 - [Harry P., Hermione G.]
Harry Potter and the Forests of Valbonë by enembee reviews
Long ago the Forests of Valbonë were closed to wizards and all were forbidden to set foot within them. So when, at the end of his second year, Harry becomes disenchanted with his life at Hogwarts, where else could he and his unlikely band of cohorts want to go? Join Harry on a trip into the unknown, where the only certainty is that he has absolutely no idea what he's doing.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 50 - Words: 118,942 - Reviews: 2252 - Favs: 3,007 - Follows: 2,869 - Updated: 7/18 - Published: 8/14/2011 - Harry P., Sorting Hat - Complete
You Meet in Paris by enembee reviews
...and she eclipses the sun. A short story.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,578 - Reviews: 86 - Favs: 339 - Follows: 95 - Published: 7/3 - Harry P., Gabrielle D. - Complete
The Augurey by La-Matrona reviews
After the war, Harry Potter is desperate to make sure that not a single life more is ruined by Voldemort's legacy. Aided by the ever loyal Hermione Granger, he makes a decision which will forever change more than one life. An epilogue disregarding, Cursed Child inspired, Harmony romance.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 40 - Words: 173,051 - Reviews: 1712 - Favs: 1,763 - Follows: 2,237 - Updated: 6/5 - Published: 1/6/2017 - [Harry P., Hermione G.] - Complete
The Reclamation of Black Magic by ShayaLonnie reviews
Harry Potter's family isn't only at Number 4 Privet Drive. Unaware to even Dumbledore, an upheaval is approaching. The Ancient and Noble House of Black is reclaiming their power and changing the future of the magical world. *Updated Sporadically—Not Abandoned*
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Family/Drama - Chapters: 39 - Words: 199,026 - Reviews: 8192 - Favs: 10,445 - Follows: 14,497 - Updated: 3/14 - Published: 7/19/2016 - [Harry P., Hermione G.] Sirius B., Dorea Black/Potter
Wizard Runemaster by plums reviews
A Weapon. A Hero. But now… a loose end. Harry Potter resolves to destroy the enemies who betrayed him on his terms, only to find all his plans torn asunder when he's summoned to a new world plagued with the same enemies as his own.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Warcraft - Rated: M - English - Fantasy/Adventure - Chapters: 19 - Words: 283,018 - Reviews: 2497 - Favs: 7,505 - Follows: 6,733 - Updated: 3/3 - Published: 1/21/2013 - [Harry P., Draenei, Night Elf, Onyxia] - Complete
Harry Potter and the Chrysalis by the Imaginizer reviews
In which Harry Potter learns that even an unbroken soul is not immutable, and that everything has a price. The price of love is loss; the price of knowledge is understanding; the price of life is death; and the price of mastering Death...is far more than he ever wanted to pay. A continuation of Harry Potter and the Accidental Horcrux.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 26 - Words: 206,702 - Reviews: 1547 - Favs: 2,264 - Follows: 2,891 - Updated: 3/3 - Published: 12/18/2016
The Merging by Shaydrall reviews
To Harry Potter, Fifth Year seemed like the same as any other. Classmates, homework, new dangers, Voldemort risen in the shadows… the usual, even with a Dementor attack kicking things off. But how long can he maintain the illusion that everything is under control? As hope for a normal life slips away through his fingers, will Harry bear the weight of it all... or will it crush him?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 27 - Words: 402,897 - Reviews: 4426 - Favs: 10,076 - Follows: 11,950 - Updated: 10/27/2018 - Published: 9/27/2013 - Harry P.
I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For by kathryn518 reviews
Ahsoka Tano left the Jedi Order, walking away after their betrayal. She did not consider the consequences of what her actions might bring, or the danger she might be in. A chance run in with a single irreverent, and possibly crazy, person in a bar changes the course of fate for an entire galaxy.
Crossover - Star Wars & Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 16 - Words: 344,480 - Reviews: 5415 - Favs: 13,673 - Follows: 15,354 - Updated: 9/17/2017 - Published: 4/2/2015 - Aayla S., Ahsoka T., Harry P.
What's a Little Death between friends? by kathryn518 reviews
After the defeat of Voldmort didn't turn out quite like he envisioned, Harry stared into the Abyss preparing to prove something to himself, instead he tumbles into an experience he never expected, and he doesn't go alone.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 3 - Words: 79,067 - Reviews: 1358 - Favs: 6,819 - Follows: 8,434 - Updated: 9/17/2017 - Published: 8/14/2016 - Harry P., N. Tonks
Applied Cultural Anthropology, or by jacobk reviews
... How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Cruciatus. Albus Dumbledore always worried about the parallels between Harry Potter and Tom Riddle. But let's be honest, Harry never really had the drive to be the next dark lord. Of course, things may have turned out quite differently if one of the other muggle-raised Gryffindors wound up in Slytherin instead.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 19 - Words: 168,240 - Reviews: 3379 - Favs: 6,095 - Follows: 7,637 - Updated: 8/31/2017 - Published: 4/26/2013 - Hermione G., Severus S.
pick it up, pick it all up and start again by Annerb reviews
The thing about war is that it never ends. Not really. The battlefields just change locations. Harry and Ginny after the war. Sequel to The Changeling. First story in the Armistice Series. Harry/Ginny.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 12 - Words: 72,219 - Reviews: 160 - Favs: 552 - Follows: 252 - Updated: 8/17/2017 - Published: 7/12/2017 - Harry P., Ginny W. - Complete
The Changeling by Annerb reviews
Ginny is sorted into Slytherin. It takes her seven years to figure out why.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 11 - Words: 189,186 - Reviews: 653 - Favs: 2,620 - Follows: 1,408 - Updated: 4/19/2017 - Published: 4/19/2011 - Ginny W. - Complete
Escape by SingularOddities reviews
AU. A marriage law is instigated during Hermione's sixth year. Hermione considers her options and makes her choice, it just wasn't the one they were expecting. By saving herself Hermione's decisions cause ripples to run through the Order. The game has changed, those left behind need to adapt to survive. Canon up to the HBP, Dumbledore lives, Horcrux are still in play
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 62 - Words: 314,387 - Reviews: 3884 - Favs: 5,899 - Follows: 4,426 - Updated: 1/29/2017 - Published: 4/26/2016 - [Hermione G., Harry P.] Severus S., Minerva M. - Complete
I'm Still Here by kathryn518 reviews
The second war with Voldemort never really ended, and there were no winners, certainly not Harry Potter who has lost everything. What will Harry do when a ritual from Voldemort sends him to another world? How will he manage in this new world in which he never existed, especially as he sees familiar events unfolding? Harry/Multi eventually.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 13 - Words: 292,799 - Reviews: 5460 - Favs: 16,406 - Follows: 19,209 - Updated: 1/28/2017 - Published: 9/21/2013 - Harry P., Fleur D., Daphne G., Perenelle F.
Harry Potter and the Accidental Horcrux by the Imaginizer reviews
In which Harry Potter learns that friends can be made in the unlikeliest places...even in your own head. Alone and unwanted, eight-year-old Harry finds solace and purpose in a conscious piece of Tom Riddle's soul, unaware of the price he would pay for befriending the dark lord. But perhaps in the end it would all be worth it...because he'd never be alone again.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 52 - Words: 273,485 - Reviews: 2350 - Favs: 4,001 - Follows: 3,174 - Updated: 12/18/2016 - Published: 1/30/2016 - Harry P., Voldemort, Tom R. Jr. - Complete
Perfectly Normal Thank You Very Much by Casscade reviews
It's twenty one years later and for the sake of his daughter, Dudley is going to have to learn about the Wizarding World after all.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Family - Chapters: 6 - Words: 16,858 - Reviews: 172 - Favs: 1,053 - Follows: 367 - Updated: 12/6/2016 - Published: 6/12/2016 - Harry P., Ginny W., Petunia D., Dudley D. - Complete
The Sum of Their Parts by holdmybeer reviews
For Teddy Lupin, Harry Potter would become a Dark Lord. For Teddy Lupin, Harry Potter would take down the Ministry or die trying. He should have known that Hermione and Ron wouldn't let him do it alone.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 11 - Words: 143,267 - Reviews: 927 - Favs: 4,725 - Follows: 2,066 - Updated: 4/12/2016 - Published: 3/24/2016 - Harry P., Ron W., Hermione G., George W. - Complete
I've Always Wanted to Use that Spell by White Squirrel reviews
One-shot. McGonagall finally got to awaken the statues in the Battle of Hogwarts, but she wanted to do it for a long time. Given all the times she missed her chance, it was no wonder she was so eager when the time came.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 8,844 - Reviews: 87 - Favs: 660 - Follows: 185 - Published: 10/28/2015 - Minerva M. - Complete
Harry Potter and the Something Something by Legendary Legacy reviews
Hey, wouldn't it be cool if someone took as many fanfic cliches as possible and stuffed them all into one story? No? Well, I went ahead and did it anyway. Multi-chapter Mockfic. This summary is actually a lot better than I originally thought.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 10 - Words: 26,891 - Reviews: 432 - Favs: 701 - Follows: 603 - Updated: 5/4/2015 - Published: 7/18/2011 - Harry P.
Harry Potter and the Boy Who Lived by The Santi reviews
Harry Potter loves, and is loved by, his parents, his godfather, and his brother. He isn’t mistreated, abused, or neglected. So why is he a Dark Wizard? NonBWL!Harry. Not your typical Harry’s brother is the Boy Who Lived story.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 12 - Words: 147,796 - Reviews: 4610 - Favs: 11,741 - Follows: 11,935 - Updated: 1/3/2015 - Published: 9/3/2009 - Harry P.
On the Way to Greatness by mira mirth reviews
As per the Hat's decision, Harry gets Sorted into Slytherin upon his arrival in Hogwarts—and suddenly, the future isn't what it used to be.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 20 - Words: 232,797 - Reviews: 3811 - Favs: 10,890 - Follows: 12,105 - Updated: 9/4/2014 - Published: 12/26/2008 - Harry P.
Weres Harry? by DobbyElfLord reviews
Dark curses don't play nice- not even with each other. When nine year-old Harry is bitten by a werewolf, the horcrux fights back. The result could only happen to Harry Potter. Canon-ish for the first three years of Hogwarts - AU from that point forward.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 23 - Words: 152,524 - Reviews: 3928 - Favs: 9,318 - Follows: 10,042 - Updated: 8/15/2014 - Published: 5/11/2012 - Harry P.
Prince of the Dark Kingdom by Mizuni-sama reviews
Ten years ago, Voldemort created his kingdom. Now a confused young wizard stumbles into it, and carves out a destiny. AU. Nondark Harry. MentorVoldemort. VII Ch.8 In which someone is dead, wounded, or kidnapped in every scene.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Adventure - Chapters: 147 - Words: 1,253,480 - Reviews: 11182 - Favs: 7,709 - Follows: 6,875 - Updated: 6/17/2014 - Published: 9/3/2007 - Harry P., Voldemort
To Shape and Change by Blueowl reviews
AU. Time Travel. Snape goes back in time, holding the knowledge of what is to come if he fails. No longer holding a grudge, he seeks to shape Harry into the greatest wizard of all time, starting on the day Hagrid took Harry to Diagon Alley. No Horcruxes.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 34 - Words: 232,332 - Reviews: 9734 - Favs: 21,955 - Follows: 13,001 - Updated: 3/16/2014 - Published: 10/20/2010 - Harry P., Severus S. - Complete
Elizium for the Sleepless Souls by Voice of the Nephilim reviews
The crumbling island prison of Azkaban has been evacuated, its remaining prisoners left behind. Time growing short, Harry Potter will make one final bid for freedom, enlisting an unlikely crew of allies in a daring escape, where nothing is as it seems.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Horror - Chapters: 9 - Words: 52,712 - Reviews: 307 - Favs: 890 - Follows: 655 - Updated: 3/7/2014 - Published: 1/5/2012 - Harry P. - Complete
Delenda Est by Lord Silvere reviews
Harry is a prisoner, and Bellatrix has fallen from grace. The accidental activation of Bella's treasured heirloom results in another chance for Harry. It also gives him the opportunity to make the acquaintance of the young and enigmatic Bellatrix Black as they change the course of history.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 46 - Words: 392,449 - Reviews: 7605 - Favs: 14,336 - Follows: 8,946 - Updated: 9/21/2013 - Published: 11/14/2009 - Harry P., Bellatrix L. - Complete
Out of the Fire and into the Cupboard by HalfASlug reviews
There's a reason that adults don't usually play hide and seek - especially when they are nothing more than overgrown children.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,731 - Reviews: 182 - Favs: 1,188 - Follows: 217 - Published: 7/24/2013 - Harry P., Ron W., Hermione G., Ginny W. - Complete
Harry Potter and the Connection Reversed by hermyd reviews
"Clear your mind!" wasn't actually the best advice. Harry is fed up and takes things into his own hands and discovers a way to end the war on his own terms. No one was expecting this of the Gryffindor Golden Boy.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 9,495 - Reviews: 469 - Favs: 6,531 - Follows: 1,829 - Published: 3/24/2013 - [Harry P., Daphne G.] - Complete
Stages of Hope by kayly silverstorm reviews
Professor Sirius Black, Head of Slytherin house, is confused. Who are these two strangers found at Hogwarts, and why does one of them claim to be the son of Lily Lupin and that git James Potter? Dimension travel AU, no pairings so far. Dark humour.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 32 - Words: 94,563 - Reviews: 4183 - Favs: 7,822 - Follows: 3,485 - Updated: 9/3/2012 - Published: 4/10/2011 - Harry P., Hermione G. - Complete
The Latecomer by HalfASlug reviews
It's the day every Weasley has been dreading since the battle and now it's George's turn to speak. However, before he can begin, he is rudely interrupted by a latecomer. Joint winner of Best Post-Hogwarts One-Shot at the 2012 Quicksilver Quill Awards on MNFF.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,662 - Reviews: 62 - Favs: 149 - Follows: 21 - Published: 6/19/2012 - Fred W., George W. - Complete
Jamie Evans and Fate's Fool by The Mad Mad Reviewer reviews
Harry Potter stepped back in time with enough plans to deal with just about everything fate could throw at him. He forgot one problem: He's fate's chewtoy. Mentions of rape, sex, unholy vengeance, and venomous squirrels. Reposted after takedown!
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Family - Chapters: 12 - Words: 77,208 - Reviews: 483 - Favs: 3,565 - Follows: 1,374 - Published: 6/2/2012 - [Harry P., N. Tonks] - Complete
Hocus Pocus, Adele Polkiss by Ecmm reviews
HPxOC. Runs along with the original storyline. Adele Polkiss is the younger sister of Piers Polkiss, a close friend of Dudley Dursley. This way she meets Harry Potter, a curious boy with a mysterious past, and a wonderful secret... Magic! COMPLETE
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 10 - Words: 33,317 - Reviews: 288 - Favs: 813 - Follows: 296 - Updated: 3/11/2012 - Published: 7/24/2009 - Harry P., OC
The Unforgiving Minute by Voice of the Nephilim reviews
Broken and defeated, the War long since lost, Harry enacts his final desperate gambit: Travel back in time to the day of the Third Task, destroy all of Voldemort's horcruxes and prevent the Dark Lord's resurrection…all within the space of twelve hours.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 10 - Words: 84,617 - Reviews: 742 - Favs: 2,764 - Follows: 1,504 - Updated: 11/5/2011 - Published: 8/20/2010 - Harry P., Ginny W. - Complete
The Best Revenge by Arsinoe de Blassenville reviews
AU. Yes, the old Snape retrieves Harry from the Dursleys formula. I just had to write one. Everything changes, because the best revenge is living well. T for Mentor Snape's occasional naughty language. Supportive Minerva. Over three million hits!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Adventure - Chapters: 47 - Words: 213,669 - Reviews: 6681 - Favs: 9,766 - Follows: 4,909 - Updated: 9/10/2011 - Published: 3/9/2009 - Harry P., Severus S. - Complete
Veritas Oracle by BajaB reviews
A series of Vignettes involving possibly the second most powerful but underused magic in the HP universe, Veritaserum. AU after GOF. Rating increased to T due to a bit of implied sexual situations, attempted suicide, abuse, and other nasty stuff.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 28,330 - Reviews: 620 - Favs: 1,419 - Follows: 813 - Updated: 12/14/2010 - Published: 10/31/2008 - Complete
The Best Revenge: Time of the Basilisk by Arsinoe de Blassenville reviews
AU: The continuation of Book I. Not all of Tom Riddle is gone. A mysterious journal and a new Defense teacher pose challenges for Harry and his guardian. T for Mentor Snape's occasional naughty language. Supportive Minerva.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 30 - Words: 108,739 - Reviews: 2551 - Favs: 3,719 - Follows: 1,522 - Updated: 11/14/2010 - Published: 3/26/2010 - Harry P., Severus S. - Complete
The Strange Disappearance of SallyAnne Perks by Paimpont reviews
Harry recalls that a pale little girl called Sally-Anne was sorted into Hufflepuff during his first year, but no one else remembers her. Was there really a Sally-Anne? Harry and Hermione set out to solve the chilling mystery of the lost Hogwarts student.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Mystery/Suspense - Chapters: 11 - Words: 36,835 - Reviews: 1798 - Favs: 4,761 - Follows: 1,529 - Updated: 10/8/2010 - Published: 8/16/2010 - Harry P., Hermione G. - Complete
What Would Slytherin Harry Do? by Big D on a Diet reviews
An ongoing series of one shot stories exploring how Slytherin!Harry would have handled key moments from the books. Events will appear out of order, so don't be surprised if it jumps around. Small but important edit made to Chapter Five
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 8 - Words: 44,417 - Reviews: 707 - Favs: 3,742 - Follows: 2,875 - Updated: 1/21/2010 - Published: 5/27/2007 - Harry P.
Whatever Happened to Bromance? by vlad the inhaler reviews
Cormac McLaggen explains a few simple truths to Harry, with profound consequences. Harry/Romilda. Smut.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 3 - Words: 10,596 - Reviews: 178 - Favs: 1,008 - Follows: 533 - Updated: 1/21/2010 - Published: 10/15/2009 - Harry P., Romilda V.
Oh God Not Again! by Sarah1281 reviews
So maybe everything didn't work out perfectly for Harry. Still, most of his friends survived, he'd gotten married, and was about to become a father. If only he'd have stayed away from the Veil, he wouldn't have had to go back and do everything AGAIN.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 50 - Words: 162,639 - Reviews: 14512 - Favs: 22,179 - Follows: 8,938 - Updated: 12/22/2009 - Published: 9/13/2008 - Harry P. - Complete
The Desk by opalish reviews
Crack oneshot. Malcolm Baddock fails at office warfare, and Harry teaches his desk to speak.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,468 - Reviews: 247 - Favs: 1,464 - Follows: 233 - Published: 9/23/2009 - Harry P. - Complete
Voldemort, My Pet Inferius by darklordmike reviews
ONESHOT. Post-HBP Humor Fic. Harry and Company discover a novel way to take down the Dark Lord. Bizarre hilarity ensues. Harry/Luna
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,307 - Reviews: 56 - Favs: 186 - Follows: 44 - Published: 6/2/2009 - Harry P., Voldemort, Bellatrix L., Luna L. - Complete
The Lie I've Lived by jbern reviews
Not all of James died that night. Not all of Harry lived. The Triwizard Tournament as it should have been and a hero discovering who he really wants to be.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 24 - Words: 234,571 - Reviews: 4740 - Favs: 12,311 - Follows: 5,675 - Updated: 5/28/2009 - Published: 2/9/2007 - Harry P., Fleur D. - Complete
Gentleman Usher of the Scarlet Rod by Heather Sinclair reviews
Every seventy years members of the Order of the Bath, a British order of chivalry, are being killed off. That is until Harry is brought in to hunt the killer or killers down. Harry/Padma. *Complete*
Crossover - Harry Potter & Cthulhu Mythos - Rated: T - English - Horror - Chapters: 10 - Words: 41,335 - Reviews: 181 - Favs: 552 - Follows: 370 - Updated: 12/29/2008 - Published: 6/14/2008 - Harry P., Padma P. - Complete
Tipsy Time Travel Tale by Yunaine reviews
Harry gets dragged back in time to change the future. He has no intention of taking anything lying down again and decides to have some fun. - Set during all Hogwarts school years; Harry/Luna; Parody
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 2 - Words: 17,217 - Reviews: 915 - Favs: 3,104 - Follows: 3,516 - Updated: 11/16/2008 - Published: 10/14/2008 - [Harry P., Luna L.]
Angels Don't Live Here by empathapathique reviews
They are standing on a corner, in a moment, allowing French-speaking Muggles to pass them by and continue with their lives. He is amazed by the fact that life goes on for these people while it is war-stalled in Britain. HarryPansy.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 17,582 - Reviews: 50 - Favs: 131 - Follows: 35 - Updated: 10/15/2008 - Published: 10/12/2008 - Harry P., Pansy P. - Complete
Dark Marauder by BajaB reviews
The Maruaders were not nice people, but what if the gang was as Dark as they should at first glance appear to be? AU Marauders era one-shot.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 12,613 - Reviews: 394 - Favs: 2,625 - Follows: 592 - Published: 10/10/2008 - James P. - Complete
Two Heads Are Better Than One by nonjon reviews
COMPLETE. OneShot. Either Fred and George played a prank on Harry, Harry played a prank on Fred and George, or they're all playing pranks on everybody. Although to be honest, it really doesn't matter how it happened. WARNING: crude, immature, ADULT humor.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 10,097 - Reviews: 351 - Favs: 1,352 - Follows: 359 - Published: 7/16/2008 - Complete
The Wendell That Wasn't by opalish reviews
The true story of how Harry and Ginny's kids got their names. Really, it's all Snape's fault. Crackfic oneshot.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,814 - Reviews: 536 - Favs: 3,220 - Follows: 421 - Published: 7/15/2008 - Ginny W., Harry P. - Complete
Gossip Queens by opalish reviews
After the war, Neville and Harry meet up to mock people and get drunk. It's a good life. Post-DH oneshot crackfic.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,210 - Reviews: 486 - Favs: 2,258 - Follows: 326 - Published: 7/12/2008 - Harry P., Neville L. - Complete
A Black Comedy by nonjon reviews
COMPLETE. Two years after defeating Voldemort, Harry falls into an alternate dimension with his godfather. Together, they embark on a new life filled with drunken debauchery, thievery, and generally antagonizing all their old family, friends, and enemies.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 31 - Words: 246,320 - Reviews: 6284 - Favs: 16,085 - Follows: 5,505 - Updated: 4/7/2008 - Published: 2/18/2007 - Complete
Across the Universe by mira mirth reviews
Vague spoilers for PS-HBP. One-shot. James Potter observes as Harry arrives to an alternate dimension where his parents are alive and Neville is the Boy-Who-Lived. Trying to teach old cliches new tricks, here.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,885 - Reviews: 708 - Favs: 4,693 - Follows: 871 - Published: 4/6/2008 - Harry P., James P. - Complete
Cauterize by Lady Altair reviews
"Of course it's missing something vital. That's the point." Dennis Creevey takes up his brother's camera after the war.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,648 - Reviews: 1686 - Favs: 7,812 - Follows: 989 - Published: 3/24/2008 - Dennis C. - Complete
Luna's Hubby by Meteoricshipyards reviews
7 year old Luna wants a husband, and she wants one now. With the unintended help of her befuddled father, she kidnaps Harry Potter. Idea and 1st chapter by Roscharch's Blot
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 21 - Words: 195,952 - Reviews: 2341 - Favs: 5,672 - Follows: 2,530 - Updated: 1/14/2008 - Published: 5/2/2006 - Harry P., Luna L. - Complete
A Bad Week at the Wizengamot by DisobedienceWriter reviews
What would have happened if Harry had been convicted by the Wizengamot after defending himself from dementors before his fifth year at Hogwarts? Humorous! Followup stories on Sirius Black plus Cornelius Fudge's attempt at becoming a dark lord.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 22,251 - Reviews: 692 - Favs: 5,324 - Follows: 1,422 - Updated: 8/14/2007 - Published: 7/6/2007 - Complete
The last dinosaur’s roar by IP82 reviews
PostDH. ONESHOT. Harry sets himself on one last desperate quest to prevent the apocalyptic future. But will he have the guts to do what needs to be done, for the greater good? Dark!Harry
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 11,070 - Reviews: 84 - Favs: 352 - Follows: 109 - Published: 7/31/2007 - Harry P., Albus D. - Complete
The Original Naked Quidditch Match by Evilgoddss reviews
When a Magical game of Truth & Dare goes wrong, the Gryffindor Quidditch team must 'bare' up and face the consequences. And as the news spreads like wildfire in mmail things get quite out of control.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 10 - Words: 22,510 - Reviews: 905 - Favs: 4,395 - Follows: 950 - Published: 7/29/2007 - Harry P. - Complete
Mud, Blood & the Sound of Guns by chase glasslace reviews
A different war begins. The people want a saviour who'll protect them from bullets and Harry isn't it. 'Death Eaters killed eleven wizards this week. The Muggles have killed eighty.' [oneshot]
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,491 - Reviews: 151 - Favs: 761 - Follows: 113 - Published: 3/18/2007 - Complete
Browncoat, Green Eyes by nonjon reviews
COMPLETE. Firefly: :Harry Potter crossover Post Serenity. Two years have passed since the secret of the planet Miranda got broadcast across the whole 'verse in 2518. The crew of Serenity finally hires a new pilot, but he's a bit peculiar.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Firefly - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 39 - Words: 298,538 - Reviews: 4583 - Favs: 8,482 - Follows: 2,585 - Updated: 11/12/2006 - Published: 3/23/2006 - Harry P., River - Complete
Make A Wish by Rorschach's Blot reviews
Harry has learned the prophesy and he does not believe that a schoolboy can defeat Voldemort, so he decides that if he is going to die then he is first going to live.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 50 - Words: 187,589 - Reviews: 11027 - Favs: 19,691 - Follows: 6,521 - Updated: 6/17/2006 - Published: 3/23/2005 - Harry P. - Complete
Dimension Hopping for Beginners by nonjon reviews
COMPLETE. In the heat of the battle, he swore a blood oath to defeat Voldemort in every form. But when you factor in his understanding and abilities to travel to alternate dimensions, it presented the sort of problem only a Harry Potter could have.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Parody/Adventure - Chapters: 10 - Words: 56,035 - Reviews: 1233 - Favs: 3,541 - Follows: 1,247 - Updated: 3/13/2006 - Published: 3/4/2006 - Harry P. - Complete
WunderWand by BajaB reviews
Argus Filch receives mail that makes him more excited than a signed 'Permission to Whip Students' form: The Wunderwand, from the makers of Kwikspell. Oneshot set before the Goblet of Fire.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,004 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 103 - Follows: 27 - Published: 2/9/2006 - Argus F., George W. - Complete
Day of the Spoons by BajaB reviews
Will Harry have the courage to ask Hermione what is going on before Ron hurts himself trying to hold in the laughter? Short oneshot comedy set in the middle of OotP
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,444 - Reviews: 172 - Favs: 601 - Follows: 96 - Published: 1/5/2006 - Hermione G., George W. - Complete
Birth of a Name by nonjon reviews
COMPLETE. OneShot. 1943. A Slytherin prefect on the brink of a series of lifechanging events, needs to settle on a secret identity that will inspire fear in the hearts of the weak... You didn’t think 'I am Lord Voldemort' was his first choice, did you?
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,535 - Reviews: 539 - Favs: 2,033 - Follows: 355 - Published: 10/15/2005 - Complete
Narcotic Effects by Mehetabelo reviews
After the final battle Harry can find solace in nothing and believes himself to be a failure because of the loss of his friends. A certain manipulative, platinum haired woman decides to yank him out of the downward spiral that is his life. HarryNarcissa.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 8 - Words: 19,337 - Reviews: 213 - Favs: 1,398 - Follows: 438 - Updated: 11/25/2004 - Published: 11/8/2004 - Harry P., Narcissa M. - Complete
Knock Knock by michelle-31a reviews
Harry tries to tell a 'knock-knock' joke to Luna - 'try' being the operative word
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,024 - Reviews: 316 - Favs: 855 - Follows: 107 - Published: 6/15/2004 - Harry P., Luna L.
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The Spider and the Fly reviews
Harry has faced down dementors, Death Eaters, and Dark Lords. None of it has prepared him for Phaedra Zabini. Smut Warning: Not for younger audiences.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Suspense - Chapters: 5 - Words: 23,866 - Reviews: 127 - Favs: 469 - Follows: 565 - Updated: 8/16 - Published: 9/6/2018 - Harry P., Mrs. Zabini - Complete
It Could Only Happen to Harry reviews
After defeating Voldemort in his final year, Harry requires a rare ritual to save his life. Luckily, he has friends who are willing to help him. H/Hr, H/Parv, H/Luna, H/Tonks, H/Fleur. Canon personalities. WARNING: smutty comedy. Not for younger audiences.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 9 - Words: 74,572 - Reviews: 478 - Favs: 3,038 - Follows: 2,233 - Updated: 8/3/2018 - Published: 10/16/2009 - Harry P., Hermione G., N. Tonks, Parvati P. - Complete
A Boy and His Cloak reviews
Late one night at Grimmauld Place, Harry accidentally stumbles upon Hermione in a very compromising situation. What's a boy under an invisibility cloak to do? Smutty H/Hr Oneshot. Warning: Not for younger audiences.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 10,646 - Reviews: 315 - Favs: 2,336 - Follows: 687 - Published: 11/2/2009 - [Harry P., Hermione G.] - Complete