Round Mound of a Beehound
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Joined 10-19-09, id: 2120321, Profile Updated: 11-13-09
Author has written 6 stories for Twilight.

"Round Mound of a Beehound - Show Us Yours"

~A vagina euphemism crackfic contest~

Brought to you by: MaitresseSaint and Sparagus



Say What? (How this crack-ass contest came to be)

The idea of this crazy crackfic contest was conjured up by us, your lovely hostesses, one afternoon as MaitresseStAndrie was looking for a nice alternative for the female genitalia in the world of Fan Fiction. Becoming bored with words like “heated core” and “center” she went in search of something new, different, exciting. A list of euphemisms was stumbled upon, and sparagus said “I wonder how many you can use at once and still have it make sense”. The rest is history. We invite you to use as many euphemisms (with the exception of our “no no” words (listed below)) in a crackfic to entertain us all!


Nov 1-Nov 30: Entries will be accepted via email ( All entries must be received by 11:59 EST, NOV 30.

Dec 1-Dec 8: PUBLIC VOTING/JUDGES DELIBERATIONS. Voting will be polled through comments given to each entry.

if we have a ton of entries, we may be doing two 3-day rounds of voting.

Dec 11: Winners Announced


coldplaywhore, kitty_cullen, mrsalreyami, and kikikinz


1)Poll Winners:

First Place: Banner for a story of their choice, reviews for each chapter of each story they've written, & mention

Second Place: Contest winner banner & mention

Third Place: Contest winner banner

2)Judge's Pick: (best fic based on plot line and how well-written fic is)

First Place: Banner for a story of their choice & mention

3)Hostess Pick: (greatest number of euphemisms used while still maintaining a plot line)

First Place: Banner for a story of their choice & mention

All Winning Banners will be made by TishPhoenix and Clurrabella


1) This is an ANONYMOUS contest. ALL ENTRIES WILL BE POSTED under this profile until the end of the contest, when you will be free to post it to your own account. Any pieces uploaded anywhere but our account before the end of the contest will be disqualified.

2) Word count 2,500-10,000

3) Stories need to be beta'd please.

4) All stories must be centered around at least one female character from the Twilight saga, but can be in written any POV you like.

5) All pairings accepted, canon, non-canon, AH, vamp, AU, OOC—go wild.

6) Keep in mind this is CRACK FIC—be as silly as you'd like. We just ask that it make sense and is readable.

7) Stories CANNOT be posted on FF.NET while contest is in progress. After the contest is over, feel free to post to and add to it if you'd like.

8) All entries must be mailed to

9) Unlimited entries per person and collabs are acceptable

10) Have FUN!! :-)


vagina, vajay, pussy, sex, core, cunt, center, beaver, and twat. Everything else is acceptable. And you CAN use the “no no” words, but they will NOT count toward the number of euphemisms in your fic.

REQUIRED HEADER (if your story is emailed to us without this, we will send it back...)

Round Mound of a Beehound Contest: Show Us Yours Official Entry


FFN Pen Name:







FYI: All story entries will be posted to The Round Mound blog (with credit to your FFN Pen Name as provided in your email) until the end of the contest. By submitting, you will be giving us your consent to do so.

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Cherry Vajita reviews
After role-play there came hole-play…and some extreme violation of baked goods. Jasper wants Bella…and he’ll paint her a very pretty picture of just what he wants to do with her. Written for the Round Mound Crackfic Contest
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,516 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 3 - Published: 11/30/2009 - Bella, Jasper
Bella's Cuntry Pie reviews
Round Mound Contest Entry. Rated M. Bella is tired of the constant games from Edward. Will the dirty Cullen boys have what she needs? BxJxCxEm
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,120 - Reviews: 40 - Favs: 125 - Follows: 22 - Published: 11/28/2009 - Bella, Jasper - Complete
CinderBella reviews
A crackfic version of Cinderella. Rated M-Written for the Round Mound Crackfic contest
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,265 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 2 - Published: 11/13/2009
That Man of Mine reviews
Bella is missing her man while he’s on an extended hunting trip. She returns home from work to find that he’s taking care of her from afar…Written for the Round Mound Contest.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,883 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 10 - Published: 11/12/2009 - Bella, Jasper
Master Cuddlecock reviews
Edward applies for a phone line position at a local charity to round out his CV in preparation for his medical school interview, only he's not working with the kind of pussy's he thinks he is.Written for Round Mound crackfic Contest.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,887 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 6 - Published: 11/12/2009 - Edward, Esme
Love Mitten reviews
Bella and Edward are both phone sex operators. One night a slip of the tongue changes everything between them. Written for Round Mound crackfic Contest.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,551 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 9 - Published: 11/12/2009 - Bella, Edward