Author has written 2 stories for Spider-Man, and One Piece.
"Scottish by birth, British by law,
Something weird? I love duck, but I'm allergic to chicken.
First things first, no Mary Sues and/or Gary Stus beyond this point... seriously fuck that shit. Coincidently this pretty much eliminates 90% of the Naruto/Harry Potter fandom... and Batman... but then again he is pretty much the defining representation of the Gary Stu all by himself and even with that I still can't help but respect the son of a bitch. So yeah, that's how much he irks me. And if you should come across a few certain fics in my Favourites I apologise, I was young and stupid.
And also while I'm ranting, if there's one thing I truly despise about fanfiction it's unwarranted, over-the-top, shitty, character bashing! It truly boggles my mind how people can read such utter bullshit, let alone write paragraph long reviews about how it's the best thing since sliced bread. I'm only going to say this once to anybody who bothers to listen... Please don't use characters you hate as a shitting ground for your overcompensating insecurities... it's pathetic, childish and will never be a story worth reading, at least by anybody who actually knows what the hell they're talking about.
I'm a sucker for the underdog, or what some might call... the struggler. I'm talking Tom from Tom and Jerry, Daffy Duck, Jaune Arc, Krillin, Raphael, etc. Guys who constantly draw the short stick in life, yet somehow find the resolve to keep on trucking. It's probably why Ron Weasley is one of my most favourite characters of all time. To quote Marilyn Monroe; If you can't handle characters like that at their worst then you sure as hell don't deserve them at their best.
I find Original Characters in general to be intolerable, I know they're kind of inevitable in fanfiction but when I see the word OC it's like saying "Hey here's this random character that's going to be in the story from start to finish. Why? Because fuck you that's why." Seriously the only thing worse is SI. Self Insert.
When it comes to pairings and stuff I'm very flexible... well maybe not so much flexible as neutral. It mostly depends on the story to me, but I can't deny that pairings do have certain influence over the stories I read. I know what I like so I read what I like. But then I can be morbidly curious on occasion... anywho parings! Sometimes there are pairings that I just can't/won't contemplate, I mean it doesn't happen often but some of these parings literally almost make me physically ill... you know what? I'm just gonna type out the worst of the worst...
No offence to anyone but I have to be clear, I'm really not a fan of yaoi, slash or any of that crap. Don't like it, can't read it. Even when it's only vaguely implied. Seriously can't stand the stuff. Not that I have anything against that it in general, I just wish those kind of storys came with a filter option
Don't you just hate it when you look at your Favourites only to discover one of them missing with no clue which story it was? Paste this in your profile if it pisses you off too!
The Dragon Ball Pact: This pact is meant to hold together the remaining fans of Dragon Ball/Z/GT. Whether you like the FUNimation dub or the Ocean dub, whether you like the Manga or the Anime, whether you say 'Saiyan' or 'Saiyajin', we must stand strong and united, for we are the last of our dying race. And all those who are true fans, post this up on your page, forever proclaiming your Dragon Ball heritage. Be proud, for you are a true Saiyan!
The Situation in Hell
The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I go out with you", and take into account the fact that I went out with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct . . . leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A
Random Favourite Fictional Characters Of All Time!
Red - Cammy White - Guts - Jason Voorhees - Ron Weasley - Raphael - Rock Lee - Power Girl/Karen Starr - Sherlock Holmes - Monkey D. Luffy - Son Goku - Kenny McCormick - Eddie Dean - Chandler Bing - Spider-Man/Peter Parker - Saitama - Cassie Cage - Jack R. - Dick Greyson - Joel and Ellie - Cersei Lannister - Isaac Clarke - Deadpool/Wade Wilson - Rick Grimes - Marv - Spyro the Dragon - The Flash - Michael J. Caboose - Ging Freecss - Tyrion Lannister - The Joker - Eric Cartman - Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader - Bender Bending Rodriguez - Arnold Judas Rimmer - Takamura Mamoru - Nora Valkyrie - Ed, Edd n Eddy - Dr. Gregory House - Samurai Jack - Son Gohan - Sue Storm - Yang Xiao Long - T-800/The Terminator - Ace Ventura - Roger Smith - Danny Reagan - Rick Sanchez - Zaraki Kenpachi - Sterling Archer - Indiana Jones - 10K - Eren Jaeger - Zombie Tramp/Janey Belle - Majin Buu/Kid Buu - Hulk - Luther Strode - Invincible/Mark Grayson - Masaru Aoki - Mayuri Kurotsuchi - Yukihira Sōma - Edmund Blackadder - Godzilla - Saeko Busujima - Unohana Retsu - Nico Robin - Rachel Stanley - Makunouichi Ippo - Daffy Duck - The Marauders - Shigure Kosaka - Black Cat/Felicia Hardy - Poison Ivy/Pamela Isley - John McClane - Twenty-Fifth Baam - Jaune Arc - Krillin - Miranda Lawson - Louise Belcher - Flynn Carsen - Akumetsu - Shi-Woon Yi - All For One - Pariston Hill - Wonder Woman/Princess Diana of Themiyscira - Wolverine/Logan - Niles Crane - Arataka Reigen
Top Twenty Favourite Manga/Manhwa/Anime
Favourite Books and Authors (I mostly read Horror, Sci-fi, Action Adventure, Thriller... and Fantasy on occasion... and almost anything with zombies)
Favourite Games (My first ever console was an old school SNES then came the age of the Playstation)
Spyro the Dragon 1/2/3 (PS1) (Seriously forget Mario, Sonic, Crash or whatever... Classic Spyro was my f#king hero!)
Zombie Apocalypse Team (See, this is what happens when you have too much free time...)
Leader: Roland Deschain (The Dark Tower)
Shenanigans, Gargantuan, Sustenance, Discombobulate, Hemoglobin, Medulla Oblongota, Ludicrous, Rapscallion, Blasphemy, Rambling, Sufferin Succotash, Lesbians, Ramshackle, Bromance, Guy Love, Hubris, Inevitable, Promiscuous, Shpadoinkle, Despicable, Clevage, Galore, Crevice, Gobbledygook, Monumental, Gratuitous, Savvy, Volumptuous, Amscray, Kerfuffle, Kushti, Testicular Fortitude, Smouldering, Areola, Flabbergasted, Gumption, Caboose, Cowabunga, Toodle Pipski, Murgatroyd, Pilgrim, Fickle, Mammaries, Caligula, Skylarking, Bow-chicka-bow-wow, Codswallop, Forsooth, Bumder, Ecumenical, Hakuna Matata, Zombification, Curves, Obscenities, Langoliers, Hippogriff, Rope-a-dope, Troglodyte, Lallapalooza, Hufflepuff, Tenterhooks, Shama-lama-ding-dong, Kamehameha, Stout Disposition, Hungarian, Kemosabe, Copacetic, Leverage, Tally-ho, MILF, Foolhardy, Chimichanga, Wolfish, Rambunctious, Tank, Touché, Ample, Harkins, Ruh-roh, Juggernaut, Capisce, Doggie Style, Swish, Abomination, Smeg, Palaver, Hullabaloo, Post Haste, Zounds, Beelzebub, Gilgamesh, Bazooka, Shift Switching, Don Quixote, Gazuntite, Schtick, Nakama, Preposterous, Tomfoolery, Haymaker, Roundhouse, Feral, Bastardised, Indubitably, Coagulate, Copulate, Bamboo, Fellatio, Vamoose, Cochise, Degradation, Haphazardly, Decapitation, Killjoy, Hence, Lollygagging, Unmitigated...
Everything humans can imagine is a possibility in reality.
To the well-organised mind, death is but the next great adventure.
I do not aim with my gun. He who aims with his gun has forgotten the face of his father. I aim with my eye.
There are two types of people in this world: People who say they pee in the shower, and dirty fucking liars.
Life's battles don't always go to the stronger or faster man. Sooner or later the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.
Yeah, sometimes I wonder if there's things we'll never explain. You know, like, you know, what if we did answer all the questions? You know, would we live on, like forever, happy with our triumph over ignorance? Or is ignorance just a common enemy that once destroyed, would leave our species without a reason to carry on? I guess it doesn't matter what the answer is... because even if supreme knowledge did bring about the end of our species, the thought of obtaining it is just what would keep us together. You know? People will always look up at the sky... and just wonder why we're here.
I don't wanna live a thousand years. If I just live through today, that'll be enough.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
That was too damn close... - Joel
Say what now? - Spider-Man
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people... I'm just saying lets remove all the warning labels and let the problem sort itself out.
God Dougle, you're right, there's loads of them. How did they get in? - Ted
I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake up in the day to find it was vanity, but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible.
If I'm not mistaken, you were the one who bet that leprechauns weren't real. So why do you care what happens? - General
War doesn't determine who is right, only who is left.
Baldrick, believe me, eternity in the company of Beelzebub and all his hellish instruments of death, will be a picnic compared to five minutes with me... and this pencil.
It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.
When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
Do you believe in God Sam? I don't mean some kind of "universal soul" or "collective love force." I mean a real, literal Old Testament God. The kind of fairy tale, Big Daddy God they teach you about in sunday school. - Twitch
Pain is your friend, your ally, it will tell you when you are seriously injured, it will keep you awake and angry, and remind you to finish the job and get the hell home. But you know the best thing about pain? It lets you know you're not dead yet.
As a child, I was told that society is a melting pot of talents; knowledge and experience combined to form important alloys that will contribute to mankind. When I got to highschool, however, I thought that it's more like a river in which the water represents our peers while we ourselves are the stones in the river. Constant erosion by mindless majority sheeping has made us lose our unique edge. After I hit the age of 18, I realized that I've been wrong all along. Society is no melting pot. Society is no river. Society is a person, a very skilled rapist, and he has fucked us all.
The patient was technically dead for over a minute... - House
You lost today kid, but that doesn't mean you have to like it.
Peace is a lie, there is only passion.
Flip-flop, hippety-hop, offa your rocker and over the top, life’s a fiction and the world’s a lie, so put on some Creedence and let’s get high.
Even if armed with hundreds of weapons… there are times when you just can’t beat a man with a spear of conviction in his gut.
Eren... I'm sorry, Eren. I won't give up. I'll never give up again. If I die, I won't be able to remember you. So I'll win, no matter what! I'll live, no matter what!
You know you're like a hundred years too fucking young and late to be tackling the root of the human condition, right? Philosophers have argued around your problem since before we put monsters into balls. Mew. Oak does like his Platonics and dreamers, doesn't he.
It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.
Wise man say: "Forgiveness is divine... but never pay full price for late pizza."
Go on then Bruce, what scares you? - Cooper
You want to know why I don't like you Chris? Because you're the kind of guy, who if someone didn't like him, he'd him take him for a walk in the park and ask him why. Your. A. Pussy.
That's right, I wanted to show her. I wanted to show Aiko how cool I am! That is what makes me who I am! I want to look good in front of the woman I love! It may seem like a stupid dream to some... But to me, it's the most important thing in the world.
I'm gonna go ahead and give ya a little something I call Perry's Perspective. 1. If the guy in front of me in the coffee shop can't decide what he wants in the 30 minutes it takes for him to get to the register, I should be allowed to kill him. 2. I'm fairly sure that if they took all the porn off the Internet, there'd only be 1 website left, and it would be called Bring Back The Porn. 3rd, and most important, to be respected as a doctor, nay a man, you must me an ocean. You're born alone, you damn sure die alone. My point is, and you may want to jot this down... only the weak need help.
Light a man a fire and he'll be warm for an hour. Light a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
If you ever, ever break my orders again... as God as my witness I will devote whatever time I have out of jail to making your lives living Hells. I will break your knees. I will beat up your wives and kids. I will make fun of your mothers and kill your fucking pets in front of your eyes. My wrath will be as extensive as it will be disproportionate, because I have no. Fucking. Sense. Of perspective. Do you idiots hear me?
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
They call me Jack. The creatures of this mystical land have guided me here. Is this the passage through time that I have quested for? - Jack
If your going through hell, keep going.
There's a very fine line between not listening and not caring. I'd like to think I walk that line everyday of my life.
Sorry I'm late, I got lost on the road of life.
There comes a time when a man must stand and fight. And that time, is when his friends dreams are laughed at.
There’s no pleasing you, you realize that? You’re just an endless fountain of bitching and moaning. - Adam Taurus
You mean to tell me you could've taken your hand out of that cuff at any time!? - Eddie Valiant
No matter what kind of wisdom dictates you the option you should pick, no one will be able to tell if it's right or wrong till you arrive at some sort of outcome, resulting from your choice. The only thing we're allowed to do is to believe that we won't regret the choice we made.
Not everyone who works hard is rewarded... However! All those who succeed have worked hard!!
To Alcohol! The cause of and solution to, all of life's problems.
There is only one god and his name is Death. And there is only one thing we say to Death: Not today.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why god?" "Why me?" and the thundering voice of God answered, "There's just something about you that pisses me off."
I think that you have as much of a chance of having a sexual relationship with Penny as the Hubble telescope does of discovering at the center of every black hole is a little man with a flashlight searching for a circuit breaker.
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.
Look asshole, I don't know if anyone's explained it, but if those two enter that church, everything gets blinked out of existence, even you! - Bethany
If people bring so much courage to this world, the world has to kill them to break them, so of course it kills them. The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places. But those that will not break, it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too, but there will be no special hurry.
It's like a big tide of jam coming towards us, but jam made out of old women.
Your toast has been burned and no amount of scraping will remove the black part!
There is no spoon.
You did fairly well. I could never have sent that vision to your father, he would have come back drooling. - The Man In Black
9 pounds in a week!? Let me ask you a quick question: are you trying to make my head explode? Because you have no idea just how frustrating it is working your ass off trying to inflate a tiny little balloon in someone's clogged artery and all that person has to do really is - oh I don't know - go for a walk in the morning or choke down a fresh green salad. And you come back here looking like that!? And I know I know here I'm supposed to be Dr. Giveacrap, but you wanna know the Gods honest truth? And this is a fact: You are what you eat and you clearly went out and devoured a big fat guy didn't ya?
Hey uh, you doing okay? - Morty
When do you think a man dies? When he gets shot through the heart by the bullet of a gun? No. When his body is ravaged by an incurable disease? No. When he drinks a soup made from a poisonous mushroom? No! It's when... he is forgotten.
Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strength. When you go through hardship and decide not to surrender, that is strength.
I believe in nothing
I'll be looking for you, Will, every moment, every single moment. And when we do find each other again, we'll cling together so tight that nothing and no one'll ever tear us apart. Every atom of me and every atom of you... We'll live in birds and flowers and dragonflies and pine trees and in clouds and in those little specks of light you see floating in sunbeams... And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they wont' just be able to take one, they'll have to take two, one of you and one of me, we'll be joined so tight...
So beautiful! My chest is swelling with love, pain, pleasure, jealousy, hate... everything is here! This is so human! This is so demonic!
The best way to get even with anyone is to put them in the rearview mirror on your way to something better.
In fearful day, In raging night,
Power comes in response to a need, not a desire. You have to create that need.
Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows, it's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it... you, me or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life! But it ain't about how hard you hit... life is about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward, how much you can take and keep moving forward! That's how winning is done! Now if you know what you're worth then go out and get what you're worth, but you gotta be willing to take the hits! And not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him or her or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain't you! You're better than that!
I'm not a big fat panda... I'm the big fat panda.
Any zombies out there? - Ed
It doesn't matter how much you shake or dance, the last two drops go in your pants.
Enter, stranger, but take heed,
Genius huh? What does that mean? Genius? So I was not born with a whole lot of natural talent, not gifted like Neji... But I work hard and I never give up! That is my gift. That is my ninja way.
Fuck all happens in Australia... mind you they've done the place up lovely haven't they! When they got there it was just sand, boulders, and giant freakish bouncing mice.
My friends, it has often been said that I like war. My friends, I like war... No, friends, I love war! I love holocausts. I love blitzkriegs. I love defensive lines. I love sieges, charges, I love mop-up operations, and retreats. Wars across prairies, in streets, in trenches, in grasslands, in frozen tundras, through deserts, on the sea, in the air, I love every act of war that can occur upon this earth. I love blasting the enemy to smithereens with artillery salvos that thunder across the lines of battle. My heart leaps with joy whenever a soldier is tossed high into the air and cut to pieces by well placed sniper rounds. And there is nothing like a tank operator using a Tiger 88 to destroy enemy tanks. And the feeling that comes when a soldier runs screaming from his blazing tank only to be mowed down by heavy machine gun fire, is such an exquisite feeling. Like when ranks of infantry brandish their bayonets rushing into the enemy line. It moves me deep within my heart to watch a fresh recruit stabbing over and over into the bloated chest of a long-dead enemy. The sight of deserters being strung up from a street lamp is an irresistible pleasure. And there is nothing more arousing, than the sounds made by prisoners of war dropping like flies, screaming in agony as they're mowed down by ear piercing schmeissers! When a band of pitiful resistance fighters makes their final stand with nothing but small arms, only to have their city smashed to atoms block by block by 4.8 ton bombshells, I'm in ecstasy. I love it when my forces are ravaged by a Russian armored division. It's so sad to see towns and villages that were supposed to be defended at all costs, being laid to waste, their women and children being raped, and killed. I love to be squashed under the heel of the British and American war machines. The humiliation, as my men crawl around like vermin, ducking the yark bombers flying overhead. Gentlemen... All I ask for is war, a war so grand as to make Hell itself tremble. Gentlemen, I ask you as fellow brothers in arms, what is it that you really want? Do you wish for further war as I do? Do you wish for a merciless, bloody war? A war whose fury is built with iron, and lightning, and fire? Do you ask for war to sweep in like a tempest, leaving not even ravens to scavenge, from this Earth!? Very well. Then kreig is what you shall have. We are a clenched fist, ready to strike down all who oppose us, with our might. But... After enduring over half a century wallowing in the darkness, for us, a simple "ordinary" war will no longer be sufficient. We need a MASSIVE war! A war beyond any other that man's history has ever known! We are but a single battalion... The remnants of a defeated army numbering less than a thousand strong. However, I believe that each of you old warriors is equal to a thousand of their sickly soft children! We represent a force that could easily defeat an army of a million and one men! It is time for them to awake the ones who sent us screaming into oblivion, and who now lie sleeping. Let's drag them out of bed by the hair, and remind them of what we are! We will remind them of what it feels like to live in fear. We will remind them of the sound our jackboots make against their throats. We will remind them, that there are more things between Heaven and Hell than are dreamt of in their philosophy. Our Kampfgruppe of one thousand vampires is going to burn this world down to ash. Yes, my friends! Soon, Europe's charred remains will illuminate the night sky! I have brought you all back just as I promised I would. Back to our favorite battlefield. Back to our beloved war! At last the sea lion has crossed the ocean and is heading up the hill. Attention all soldiers of the Millennium Battalion this is a message from your commander… friends, let’s bring them hell.
Hi. You're going to call off your rigorous investigation. You're going to publicly state that there is no underground group. Or... these guys are going to take your balls. They're going to send one to the New York Times, one to the LA Times press-release style. Look, the people you are after are the people you depend on. We cook your meals, we haul your trash, we connect your calls, we drive your ambulances. We guard you while you sleep. Do not... fuck with us.
What's with the big robot T-Rex? I mean it's cool as all hell, but what's with that?
Yep, hand to hand combat is the old school way to kill your foes. Killing a man with your bare hands says, "We're all equals as men, except I'm slightly more equal cause I'm still alive and your dead." Of course dropping a nuke them for 50,000 ft is also totally acceptable. I mean lets face it, there's just not enough time in this busy world to show everyone the courtesy of a good strangling. - Sarge
A computer once beat me at chess but it was no match for me in the kick boxing.
I'll tell you something... I've been to a parallel universe, I've seen time running backwards, I've played pool with planets and I've given birth to twins, but I never thought in my entire life that I'd taste an edible Pot Noodle.
Me? I'm dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly. It's the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they're gonna do something incredibly... stupid.
The only thing in this world that gives orders, is balls.
Man I was just sitting here thinking. - Jules
Trying to forget somebody you love is like trying to remember somebody you never met.
The circumstances of ones birth are irrelevant; it is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are.
All right that does it! I'm sick and tired of everyone telling me I'm confused, I wasn't confused until other people started telling me I was. You know what I think? I think maybe you're the ones who are confused! I'm not gonna be confused anymore just because you say I should be! My name is Butters, I'm eight years old, I'm blood type O, and I'm bi-curious... And even that's okay! Because if I'm bi-curious and I'm somehow made from God, then I figure God must be a little bi-curious himself.
None of you seem to understand. I'm not locked in here with you. You're locked in here with me!
You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.
I like you, Jack... Well, maybe not, but- I understand you. Let me tell you what's gonna happen. This way you can prepare yourself. Okay. Soon there's gonna be a knock on that door and you will be called outside. In the hall there will be a man who outranks you. First, he'll compliment you on the fine job you've done, that you're making the world a safer place, that you're to receive a commendation and a promotion. And then he's going to tell you that I am to be released. You're going to protest... you'll probably threaten to resign. But in the end, I will be released. The reason I'll be released is the same reason you think I'll be convicted. I do rub shoulders with some of the most vile, sadistic men calling themselves leaders today. But some of those men are the enemies of your enemies. And while the biggest arms dealer in the world is your boss, the President of the United States, who ships more merchandise in a day than I do in a year... sometimes it's embarrassing to have his fingerprints on the guns. Sometimes he needs a freelancer like me to supply forces he can't be seen supplying. So... you call me evil. But unfortunately for you, I'm a necessary evil.
Perfect existence, huh? Perfection does not exist in this world. It may seem like a placating phrase but that's the truth. Obviously mediocre fools will forever lust for perfection and seek it out. However what meaning is there in perfection? None. Not a bit. Perfection disgusts me. After perfection there exists nothing higher. Not even room for creation... which means there is no room for wisdom and talent as well. Understand? To scientist's like ourselves perfection is despair. Even if something is created that is more magnificent than anything before it will still be far from perfect. Scientists are constantly struggling with that antinomy, and further more must become beings capable of drawing pleasure from such. In short... the instant the absurd word perfection came from your lips, you had already been defeated by me. Of course this is merely supposing you were also a scientist.
Who's afraid of the big bad wolf, the big bad wolf, the big bad wolf? Who's afraid of the big bad wolf? Tra la la la la la la!
Oh, my God. Are you God? - Bender
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.
Prey? Silent? Dignity? Wow, you don't know me at all.
So you're treating her for African "sleeping sickness" because you don't think it's possible for someone to be faithful in a relationship? - Wilson
After all the evil people in this world are dead, will this world be peaceful?
He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.
I'd consider myself a realist, alright? But in philosophical terms I'm what's called a pessimist... I think human consciousness is a tragic misstep in evolution. We became too self-aware. Nature created an aspect of nature separate from itself - we are creatures that should not exist by natural law... We are things that labor under the illusion of having a self, that accretion of sensory experience and feelings, programmed with total assurance that we are each somebody, when in fact everbody's nobody... I think the honorable thing for our species to do is to deny our programming. Stop reproducing, walk hand in hand into extinction - one last midnight, brothers and sisters opting out of a raw deal.
I'm not great at the advice... Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
I'd like to share a revelation that I've had during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species and I realized that you're not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment but you humans do not. You move to an area and you multiply and multiply until every natural resource is consumed and the only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet. You're a plague and we are the cure.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
We poison our air and water to weed out the weak! We set off fission bombs in our only biosphere! We nailed our God to a stick! Don't fuck with the human race!
We all make choices, but in the end our choice make us.
So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable.
Oh please, you couldn’t push my buttons if you tried. In fact, I have no buttons. Please think of me as buttonless, all smooth, like GI Joe’s nether regions. And by the by, this image is brought to you by my son, Jack, who has been yanking pants off toy soldiers and leaving them in provocative positions on my nightstand. It is just disturbing enough so that leaving the house, I’m cranky and less able to suffer fools, which brings me back to you: The fool. I’m done suffering you, so go now. Go. Go, before you can write a book entitled: Help! A Large Doctor is Beating My Ass Colon – The Lester Hedrick Story.
The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
It's not about possible or impossible, I'm doing it because I want to. When I was a kid, a pirate saved my life. That man lost his arm for me. That's why I'll never throw my life away. But I have my own dream, something I want to do. No matter what! It'll be pretty tough, but I've decided that I'm gonna do it. And if I should die fighting for that dream... then that's fine too.
You should enjoy the little detours to the fullest. Because that's where you'll find the things more important than what you want.
I never wanted to be the next Bruce Lee... I just wanted to be the first Jackie Chan.
The most terrifying question of all may be just how much horror the human mind can stand and still maintain a wakeful, staring, unrelenting sanity.
Pirates are evil? The Marines are righteous? These terms have always changed throughout the course of history. Kids who have never seen peace have different values from kids who have never seen war. Those who stand at the top determine what's wrong and what's right. Justice will prevail, you say? But of course it will! Because the winners will become justice!
What's the matter, Batman? No witty comeback? No threat? Then I'll provide the narration... I'll begin with how I peeled back the layers of the boy's mind. Oh, he bravely tried to fight it at first. You would've been proud to see him so strong - but all too soon, the serums and the shocks took their toll... and the dear lad began to share such secrets with me. Secrets that are mine alone to know... Bruce. It's true, Batsy! I know everything. And kinda like the kid who peeks at his Christmas presents, I must admit, it's sadly anti-climactic. Behind all the sturm and batarang, you're just a little boy in a playsuit, crying for mommy and daddy! It'd be funny if it weren't so pathetic - Oh, what the heck, I'll laugh anyway! HA HA HA HA HA HAA!
What is better - to be born good, or to overcome your evil nature through great effort?
Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.
There's so many stories where some brave hero decides to give their life to save the day, and because of their sacrifice, the good guys win, the survivors all cheer, and everybody lives happily ever after. But the hero... never gets to see that ending. They'll never know if the day was really saved. In the end... they just have to have faith. Ain't that a bitch?
At the bottom, you see, we are not Homo-sapiens at all. Our core is madness. The prime directive is murder. What Darwin was too polite to say, my friends, is that we came to rule the earth not because we were the smartest or even the meanest, but because we have always been the craziest, most murderous motherfuckers in the jungle.
I would never kill somebody... unless they pissed me off.
Warning: If you are reading this then this warning is for you. Every word you read of this useless fine print is another second off your life. Don't you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly can't think of a better way to spend these moments? Or are you so impressed with authority that you give respect and credence to all that claim it? Do you read everything you're supposed to read? Do you think every thing you're supposed to think? Buy what you're told to want? Get out of your apartment. Meet a member of the opposite sex. Stop the excessive shopping and masturbation. Quit your job. Start a fight. Prove you're alive. If you don't claim your humanity you will become a statistic. You have been warned.