E.J. Lesthen
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Joined 10-22-09, id: 2123114, Profile Updated: 04-21-10
Author has written 2 stories for Star Wars, and Half-Life.

I am in my mid-twenties, determinedly single, and the proud surrogate parent of two amazing kids. I am a devout yet admittedly unorthodox Christian. I am a chain-smoking caffeine fiend who enjoys violent video games, angry rock music, and deep theological discussions. I am a college dropout twice-over, and I have an idiotic tendency to land myself in trouble (my favorite example being when I wrecked an ATV into an electrified barbed-wire fence - it makes for a hell of a story). And I am a far better reader than I am a writer - which is why you may notice a disparity between my published works and my favorited ones.

I also collect quotes and pimp their sources. You have been warned - feel free to skip to the end:

"I prefer to use my infinite imagination ... 'cause I ain't got no damn money."
~Meatwad, Aqua Teen Hunger Force

"The ability to bat plasma bolts around probably wasn't at the top of their list of things I was intended to gain from Jedi training, but let's face it: no one ever became a Jedi without thinking, at least a little, of the awesome factor."
~blackberet, Downtime

"Is this how the slide to the Dark Side starts?"
"What, by crying on people's shoulders? Shit, no, I'm pretty sure I remember killing a bunch of people."
~DarthAmmonite, On Being a Sith Lord

"I think you mean 'I will kill the Rakghoul while Revan watches from behind the safety of the gate'," Revan corrected.
Carth turned to stare incredulously at him. "Seriously? He's a child."
"And I'm sure you're well up to the task of saving him," Revan replied. "Besides, I don't want to turn into a monster."
"You're walking a very thin line as it is," Carth muttered.
~Sarah1281, So Not My Problem

"Annoying trash compactor, meet whinging government lackey. I'd write a holo, but who'd watch when T3's the one with personality?"
~faelyn leaf, Joke's On Me

There was a pause before Carth said, “Sounds like Canderous has been right about a lot of things lately.”
“It’s a sign the Force is out of balance.”
~Lady Revan, Broken Promises

Mission pointed at the monitor. "Ha! I win! Alright!"
"That's five hundred for me as well," Canderous intoned.
"A bet I don't mind losing," Jolee said, reaching into a belt pouch. "Funny, Canderous, I didn't see you betting on love like Mission."
"I didn't bet on love. I bet on Revan. There's a difference."
~Sebastian DeLaOsa, A Friendly Wager

Revan (honestly having no memory of a previous meeting but knowing there must have been one): I spoke to you before? What did I want?
Rakatan Elder Councillor: Is this some type of test, Revan? Some type of trick? You came seeking our aid; you came in search of a way to enter the Temple of the Ancients. You claimed to be seeking a way to destroy the Star Forge, and we were foolish enough to believe you. Unaware of your true nature, we helped you enter the Temple. But you betrayed us, Revan. Instead of destroying the terrible legacy of our ancestors, you unleashed the evil of the Star Forge upon an unsuspecting galaxy. And now you stand before the Council of Elders once more. And once more we ask you: for what reason have you returned, Revan?
Revan: Uh... I need to get into the Temple so I can destroy the Star Forge.
~Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic

“I wanna be buried. In dirt.”
“So burning is an absolute last resort? Why?”
“'Cause it seems like that's more likely to send me to hell.”
You're going to hell either way, Sheckley thought to himself.
“I see. Fine, then. I'll bury you.” Sheckley tried as hard as he could to keep a straight face.
“Not just any dirt, though.” Griggs said. “Sacred dirt.”
Sheckley sighed. “What makes it sacred?”
“It needs to have a pH of 0”
“Griggs, if dirt had a pH balance of 0, then it'd eat away at your flesh in a few moments. You know what else has a pH of 0? Battery acid. You wanna be buried in battery acid? Doesn't sound too sacred to me.”
~cheezburgerlover, The Griggs and Sheckley Oneshot Collection

(Regarding Gordon Freeman) "Worst. Luck. Ever. I can't be the only one who noticed this. 'Hey Alyx, we made it out of the evil zombie infested death pit of darkness, but... oh look! The gate won't open! Imagine that! What, you expected it too right off? You haven't been in this hero gig very long, have you?'"
~Pisces, Follow Freeman!

“The Aperture Science Enrichment Facility reminds you that if at first you don’t succeed, you fail.”

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You Give Love a Bad Name by Spannerspoon reviews
"Shot through the heart, and you're to blame. Darling you give love, a bad name." - The Doctor and Rose land in Cardiff where an assassin waits. Multi POV fic
Doctor Who - Rated: T - English - Drama/Supernatural - Chapters: 10 - Words: 23,479 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 24 - Updated: 11/4/2014 - Published: 6/24/2014 - [10th Doctor, Rose T.] Jack H., Jackie T.
Consequences by KageOkami-Kogo reviews
Not everyone is happy with the former zombies rejoining society. Not everyone wants to give R a chance to fully heal and have a happy new life. Sometimes, one must face the consequences life deals them, even an unlife. Julie stands by R's side though, teaching him how to be human again, and facing the pain and obstacles with him as he walks down the bumpy road to recovery. R/Julie
Warm Bodies, Isaac Marion - Rated: T - English - Horror/Romance - Chapters: 29 - Words: 133,895 - Reviews: 551 - Favs: 311 - Follows: 215 - Updated: 2/28/2013 - Published: 2/3/2013 - Complete
In the Swing of Things by Hawki reviews
Oneshot: 2029. Finally, after decades of struggle, Skynet's defeat was in sight. John could see it, the Resistance could see it, Skynet could see it. Yet no-one saw what John could in regards to what that defeat would entail. What he would have to do to Kyle Reese...
Terminator - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 732 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 4 - Published: 6/8/2012 - John Connor, J. Perry - Complete
Terminator: Fall of Man by Melaradark reviews
AU fic taking place immediately after Terminator 3 and going on from there. Left-of-Canon, completely ignores Salvation and the TV series. My version of what happened after Judgement Day. Blood, violence, language, some shmexy.
Terminator - Rated: M - English - Sci-Fi/Suspense - Chapters: 3 - Words: 21,830 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 18 - Updated: 5/18/2012 - Published: 5/8/2012 - John Connor
So Not My Problem by Sarah1281 reviews
All Revan wanted to do was stay alive and try to get with Bastila, in that order. He doesn't want to save the galaxy and he's not looking to help everyone he meets. Tragically, he's surrounded by hero types that keep trying to drag him along for the ride.
Star Wars - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 29 - Words: 99,156 - Reviews: 806 - Favs: 1,083 - Follows: 461 - Updated: 2/1/2011 - Published: 1/16/2010 - Revan - Complete
Happy Birthday by Godspeed Revolution reviews
Robbie and Lisa discuss birthdays and their father. Pre-movie. One-shot.
Equilibrium - Rated: K - English - Drama/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,270 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 3 - Published: 12/2/2010 - Complete
And One Time He Didn't by Michmak reviews
This time, Jayne doesn't walk away from Serenity because he wants to.
Firefly - Rated: K+ - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 460 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 18 - Published: 11/24/2010 - Jayne - Complete
Ground Rules by Kristen Sharpe reviews
Twelve year olds are impressionable, vulnerable and, most of all, volatile. That in mind, Mustang decides to lay down a few rules before Ed meets his team.
Fullmetal Alchemist - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 2,986 - Reviews: 210 - Favs: 822 - Follows: 452 - Updated: 11/8/2010 - Published: 7/2/2009 - Edward E.
Downtime by blackberet reviews
KotOR 1. A series of stories about the crew of the Ebon Hawk and their interactions with each other as they journey to find the Star Forge. FemRevan. Some Revan/Carth, but the gang's all here.
Star Wars - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Romance - Chapters: 19 - Words: 53,649 - Reviews: 78 - Favs: 58 - Follows: 35 - Updated: 6/27/2010 - Published: 1/31/2010 - Revan
Twenty Times Edward Elric's Heart Stopped by Gandalf3213 reviews
Edward has watched his brother grow up, had taken on the position of over-protective older brother. You couldn't go through life as an Alchemist without witnessing some horrors, but the worst,the absolute worst, were the twenty times Alphonse almost died
Fullmetal Alchemist - Rated: K+ - English - Family/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 21 - Words: 33,506 - Reviews: 219 - Favs: 195 - Follows: 69 - Updated: 3/24/2010 - Published: 3/6/2009 - Alphonse E., Edward E. - Complete
Pawn Endgame by Emalin reviews
KOTOR2. It's been his obsession for so long. In the belly of the Trayus Academy, he finally acts on it, and the Exile is his next target. Atton's, Mical's, and FemExile's POVs. Atton/Exile. Rated for strong emotional themes and violence. Complete!
Star Wars - Rated: T - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 10 - Words: 9,499 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 1/8/2010 - Published: 3/20/2007 - Atton R., Exile/Meetra Surik - Complete
Fishing in Amestris by Moonrise31 reviews
Mustang and his gang invite Ed and Al to go fishing. Hilarity ensues! T for mild language.
Fullmetal Alchemist - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,246 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 14 - Published: 9/13/2009 - Complete
Beauty in the Breaking by Nevar23 reviews
Jaq was very, very good at his job of breaking Jedi - so good that he gets the attention of Revan and Malak. Pre-KotOR Jaq. Be aware that this story is rather dark, just like Jaq.
Star Wars - Rated: M - English - Drama - Chapters: 3 - Words: 8,157 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 3 - Published: 11/26/2008
Bedmates by missxcellophane reviews
KOTORII shortfic. The crew of the Ebon Hawk try to sort out bed plans.
Star Wars - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 497 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 6 - Published: 9/13/2008 - Complete
Zulu Squad by thirdstring-overlord reviews
Not all cloned supersoldiers are perfect. Meet the Zulu Squad, a group of Replicas that act with individuality...and in many cases, sheer stupidity.
F.E.A.R. - Rated: T - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,901 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 4 - Published: 11/9/2007 - Complete
Follow Freeman! by Pisces reviews
Series of drabbles. Aperture Science wants to give Gordon cake.
Half-Life - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 19 - Words: 10,713 - Reviews: 124 - Favs: 153 - Follows: 77 - Updated: 10/15/2007 - Published: 11/11/2006
Every Hour on the Hour by Jiara Anatalis reviews
And now for something completely different: the view through the eyes of a killer....droid. HK-47 takes a security patrol around the Ebon Hawk and doesn't like what he sees.
Star Wars - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,232 - Reviews: 43 - Favs: 129 - Follows: 13 - Published: 4/23/2005
A Friendly Wager by Sebastian DeLaOsa reviews
Set after the destruction of the Star Forge, a few members of the crew of the Ebon Hawk conduct a friendly wager. A Knights of the Old Republic story humor story.
Star Wars - Rated: K+ - English - Sci-Fi/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,013 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 12 - Published: 3/6/2005
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Carpe Diem reviews
After the events of HL2:Episode 2, Alyx finally decides to confess her feelings to Gordon. But how well does she really know the Free Man? Alyx/Gordon, with a twist.
Half-Life - Rated: T - English - Romance/Suspense - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,361 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 10 - Published: 11/27/2010 - Complete
Chariot of Fire reviews
Who is he, really? A cowardly scoundrel or a ruthless assassin? The Exile will realize that when it comes to Atton "Jaq" Rand, nothing is as it seems. KOTOR II spoilers, LSF Exile/Atton. M for graphic violence/torture and implied non-con.
Star Wars - Rated: M - English - Suspense/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,162 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 2 - Published: 4/20/2010 - Atton R., Exile/Meetra Surik - Complete