Ms. Winnie the Pooh
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Joined 10-30-09, id: 2130946, Profile Updated: 05-12-15
Author has written 3 stories for Twilight, Harry Potter, and Mortal Instruments.

Penname: Really? You need me to spell it out for you when its on the top of the page? So figure it out

Perivous pannames: mollyberg23, My Shuishy, I'm-a-cow-and-they-go-meow, its.okay.to.cry

Nickname: TO MANY TO COUNT BUT….Molly, Mols, Moolly, Molster, Sharkbait, Tulip (for some reason my friend thought I was a Tulip), Iceberg, Mearbear, M/M or MandM or Molly/Mary, Maria, (which is my full name but people call me Mary), Mar, George, (ya a boys name, my sister said George and I answered that’s how I got it), Mowshie, Mow Mow, Mowice, Berganator, Mom, Marcy, Squishy...(If you count it). (Oh look I've added 2 more, that's 27 nicknames so far)

Bio: I’m a Canadian and proud of it. The oldest of six, graduating high school. I know almost every song that plays on the radio, it all depends what station is playing. I love to sing, but I not that good, everyone disagrees with me. I love starting a debate with my friends over stupid things and I have to get the last word. I’m shy, but when you get to know me, I’m outgoing and weird. Everywhere I go, I have to have my phone with me, it’s my life and I don’t know what I would do without it…yeah I do, I’d go crazy. I don’t care what people think of me, they can just go f-ck themselves if they’re not happy on what they see. And not a girly girl, I’m a tomboy, and yes I am one of those weird people that will yell at a book, say the lines of my favourite movie and freak out if someone takes my book away, yes I talk to inanimate objects, yell at my TV as if the people on the other side could hear me, and trip over flat surfaces THANKS FOR ASKING THOUGH, IT WAS VERY MUCH APPRECIATED.

And there's something else you need to know about me: I'm the type of person who's always gonna be there and help you through your problems I'm a listener and something more that's something to love about me XD (if this is you repost)

Sites you can follow me, I will do the same:

http://www.tumblr.com/blog/rose-molly


put this
on your profile
if you roleplay

Other: I have stories but haven’t updated them in like forever, soo sorry to the people who read this and my stories. I'm a huge, huge, HUGE anime fan. Naruto and Inuyasha all the way (and if it weren't for these two, I'd don't know where'd I be. Cheesy I know, but it's the truth. I have friends and I'm glad for them).

Favourite Sayings From Wherever: At least he’s not a book burner you, Nazi cow! Annie Kinsella in the movie Field of Dreams, Friends are like DIAMONDS. They are unique in their own way they are CREATED not made. Thank you for being my diamond, Some days I feel like Im talking to a wall. Oh wait im on fanfic. I *AM* talking to a wall! Friends are like butt cheeks...u always stick together but there is always a little crap in between u haha, To survive you have to take the pleasure with no pain…good with the bad; never hide, never surrender, and NEVER give up! You ought to spend a little more time trying to make something of yourself and a little less time trying to impress people. Breakfast Club, Hogwarts Rules: 2- I will not sing “We’re off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz” when being sent to the Headmaster’s office, Chocolate doesn’t cheat on you, make you cry, break up with you, will never leave you, and is 100% true to you!! Lets just marry CHOCOLATE!! Sandy: Don't you have to be stupid somewhere else? Patrick: Not until four. I LOVE PATRICK! (the notes indicate a new quote XD)

For People that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile (BOLD the ones you are)
I'm SKINNY so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE so I MUST be a ditz.
I'm JAMACAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm AISAN so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHIEST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals.
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRATE, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...
I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and thats how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO.
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited.
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy.
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas.
I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.
I'm a VIRGIN so I MUST be a prude.
I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. or crazy.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE.. So I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse
I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist
I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE.
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser.
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy.
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I CHAT so I MUST be having cyber sex.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish.
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroos
I write LEMONS, so I MUST be a twisted pervert.
I wear GLASSES, so I MUST be a dork or nerd
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times.
I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I like marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I'm friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist.
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, them burst into tears at one mistake.
I DON'T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems.

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?

So, here's how it works:

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend your cool...and a lot of the songs fit with the setting

Opening Credits: Till I Collapse - Eminem

Waking Up: Last of the American Girls - Green day

First Day At School: What Do You Think About That - Montgomery Gentry (Nice)

Falling In Love: Stay Beautiful - Taylor Swift (Really?)

Fight Song: Kiss n Tell - Ke$ha (Sure)

Breaking Up: Anything But Ordinary - Avril Lavigne (Meh maybe)

Prom Night: In The End - Green Day (Funny)

Life: Things I’ll Never Say - Avril Lavigne (Sure, lets got with that)

Mental Breakdown: Wrapped Around - Brad Paisley (Seriously?)

Driving: Some Say - Rascal Flatts

Flashback: Suppermassive Black Hole - Twilight Mix

Getting Back Together: About Us - Neverest (Awe, that fits)

Wedding: Sold - John Michael Montgomery (No, just no)

Birth of Child: Chain Reaction - Ke$ha (Funny)

Final Battle: Mr Watson - Ke$ha

Funeral Song: It’s Not Okay - Zac Brown Band

Final Credits: Jingle Bell Rock - Rascal Flatts (LOL)

Wow, I have some strange songs. You try this, see what you get.

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "CRAP!" we messed up!

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your crap and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.
BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that! You know we don't waste!

FRENDS: Will comfort you when the guy rejects you
BEST FRIENDS: Will go up to him and say 'its becuase your gay isn't it?'

FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter

BEST FRIENDS: Will re-post this crappppp!

This is this cat.

This is how cat.

This is to cat.

This is keep cat.

This is a cat.

This is idiot cat.

This is busy cat.

This is for cat.

This is forty cat.

This is seconds cat.

Now go back and read every third word in each sentence from the top. Pass it on.

If you have read until after 2 am, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you obsessively check your email almost every 10 minutes, copy and paste this to your profile

If you believe in Jesus Christ put this in your profile and don't just ignore this, because in the Bible it says "if you deny me, I will deny you in front of my Father in the gates of Heaven."

96 percent of teens would have a breakdown if Justin Bieber was standing on the edge of a six story building. Copy this into your profile if you're part of the 4 percent yelling JUMP ALREADY OR SO HELP ME I'LL COME UP THERE AND PUSH YOU MYSELF!!!!!

65 percent of Teenagers spend more time watching TV rather then read. If you are part of the 35 percent who read more than watch TV then copy and paste this to your Profile.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone.

Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!

92 percent of the teen population would be dead if Abercrombie and Fitch said it wasn't cool to breathe. Repost this if you are one of the 8 percent who would be laughing your ass off.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

If you know who Panic! At the Disco is and know that they are NOT disco...copy this into your profile.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF...

You talk to yourself a lot. (e.g. Hmm, what would happen if it there was a thunderstorm outside and Annaabeth got scared and needed Percy to comfort her? STORY IDEA!! MUST GET TO COMPUTER!)

You talk to yourself about talking to yourself. (e.g. 'Why do I constantly ask myself random things?')

When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. (e.g.

'Have you ever noticed that idea has been pronounced idear?)

After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow, this stuff is great for sugar highs...'

You live off of sugar and caffeine

You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then disappear off the face of the earth.

You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.

When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.

You tend to collect Bic Sticsoff the ground like picking pennies off the ground.

No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.

The letters on your keyboard are wearing off.

Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome.

People think you have A.D.D.

You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D. (I'm pretty sure I DO have it)

You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense.

You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason

Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.

There is an ongoing narration inside your head, as if you are writing your life story in third person. (Ex: As (your name) was typing, a sudden desire of chocolate hit them.)

(copy that into your profile if you fit one or more of the descriptions)

1.YOUR REAL NAME: Mary

2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME (first 3 letters of real name plus -izzle): Marizzle

3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME (fave color and fave animal): Purple Monkeys

4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME (middle name, and current street name): Don’t have a middle name

5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, last 3 letters of your mom's maiden name): Bermaers (Um, okay…?)

6. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME (2nd favorite color, favorite drink): Orange Pepsi

7. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME (mother’s middle name): Mary (wow, big difference)

8. YOUR GOTH NAME (black, and the name of one your pets): Black Nana

I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a cashier hand this little boy some money back.

The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old.

The cashier said, "I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll."

Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?''

The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.''

Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look a round. She left quickly.

The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand.

Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.

"It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas. She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her."

I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her afterall, and not to worry.

But he replied to me sadly. "No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there."

His eyes were so sad while saying this. "My sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.''

My heart nearly stopped.

The little boy looked up at me and said: "I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall."

Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me "I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't

forget me. I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister."

Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.

I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. "Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?''

"OK," he said, "I hope I do have enough." I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for

the doll and even some spare money.

The little boy said: "Thank you God for giving me enough money!"

Then he looked at me and added, "I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give it to my sister. He heard me!''

"I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.''

"My mommy loves white roses."

A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket.

I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.

Then I remembered a local newspaper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl.

The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma. Was this the family of the little boy?

Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the newspaper that the young woman had passed away.

I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial.

She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.

I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed forever.. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister

is still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.

Now you have 2 choices:

1) Repost this message.

2) Ignore it as if it never touched your heart

Female come backs
pick up line comebacks

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

Man: Your eyes they're amazing.
Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.

Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

Man: "So, wanna go back to my place ?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."

Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not Enter"

Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"
Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"

Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Perhaps. I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."

If you repost this you will get a phone call 37 minutes after you repost
this...
If you don't resend this then your love life will be doomed for eternity.

GIRLS REPOST THIS AS "female comebacks"
GUYS REPOST THIS AS "don't let this happen

If you believe in Jesus Christ put this on your profile and don't just ignore this because in the Bible it says if you deny me, I will deny you in front of my father in the gates of heaven.

Even when you can't see Him, GOD is there! If you believe in GOD put this in your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you said it, copy this to your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this to your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said 'Pull" or pulled the handle on a door that said 'Push', copy this into your profile.

If there are times when you just annoy people for the heck of it, copy this into your profile

If you think those kids should just give the Rabbit his cereal (aka: Trix), put this in your profile!

If you and/or your best friend is insane, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

Too many kids and teenagers have smoked or tried marijuana. If you haven't, copy and paste this onto your profile.

Ninety-eight percent of teenagers do or have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the two percent who hasn't, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are against child abuse, you should copy this into your profile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction, copy this into your profile.

If you don't do drugs and never will, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think cancer is awful, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you talk to yourself and aren't afraid to admit it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are against animal cruelty, copy and paste this into your profile.

Put this in your profile if you didn't know the Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star had the same tune.

If your profile is longer than the chapters of most of your stories, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have music in your soul, post this in your profile!

If you want to see the world someday, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you've ever lost someone you loved, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever said something that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile!

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or pulled the handle on a door that said push copy this into your profile.

If you've ever threatened your computer, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you can read this message, you are blessed because over two billion people in the world cannot read at all.

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty

uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal

pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a

rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't

mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the

olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer

be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl

mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed

ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling

was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

If you could read that put it in your profile

This is the stupidity test! 100 stupid things that people do! Bold the ones that you have done!

1. Forgot to put the lid on the blender, turned it on, and had everything fly out

2. Gotten your head stuck between the stair rails

3. Broken a chair by leaning back in it

4. Had gum fall out of your mouth while you were talking

5. Choked on your own spit while you were talking

6. Had people tell you that you are blonde when you're not or had had people tell you that your blonde highlights are going to your head

7. Been caught staring at your crush by your crush him/herself

8. Have looked for something for at least 10 min then realized it was in your hand

9. Tried to push open a door that said pull

10. Tried to pull open a door that said push

11. Have actually believed someone when they said that they knew how to make a love potion

12. Have hit yourself in the process of trying to hit something else

14. Have actually exploded marshmallows in the microwave

15. Have gotten gum stuck in your hair

16. Had gum fall out of your mouth while trying to blow a bubble

17. Have had the juice from a mini tomato squirt out and hit somebody else when you bit into it

18. Have had your drink come out your nose because you were laughing so hard

19. Have called one of your good friends by the wrong name

20. Have skinned your toe because you were playing soccer or kickball with flip flops on or you were barefoot

21. Have put a sticker on your forehead, forgot it was there, and went out in public with it on

22. Have fallen out of a moving vehicle.

23. Have run into a closed door

24. Have almost shot someone with a real gun while trying to shoot something else

25. Searched for your cell phone while you were talking on it

26. It has taken you longer than 5 min to get a joke

27. Have gotten your hair stuck in a blow dryer

28. Have gotten your hair stuck in a fan

29. Tripped on a crack in the sidewalk

30. Said o'clock after saying how many min after the hour, example: 5:30 o'clock, or 6:15 o'clock

31. After someone told you that there was gum on the ground, you stepped in it

32. Put on a white shirt even though you already knew it was raining outside

33. Have ever walked up to a stranger because you thought they were someone else

34. Ever been kicked out of a grocery store/off someones property

35. Touched the stove, the curling iron, a hot pan, etc on purpose even though you knew it was hot

36. Picked out your change of clothes, took off the ones you had on and then accidentally put the old clothes back on

37. Wondered why something wasn't working then realized it wasn't plugged in

38. Put the cereal in the fridge, or put the milk in the cupboard

39. Walked into a pole

40. Wore two different earrings or shoes by accident

41. Put your shirt on backwards/inside-out without realizing it then left your house

42. Tried to take a picture of your/someone's eye with the flash on

43. Gotten a ring stuck on your finger because you put it on even though you knew it was too small

44. Walked out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to your shoe without realizing it

45. Went to go do something/go get something, then when you got there forgot what is was that you were going to do.

46. Picked up someone else's drink and drank out of it by accident when your drink was right next to it

47. Fallen out of your chair while trying to pick something up

48. Have poked yourself in the eye

49. Have gotten in the shower with your socks still on

50. Melted your hairbrush while blow drying your hair

51. Have done enough stupid things to make a test

52. Have accidentally stabbed yourself with a pencil

53. Have sung the wrong verse to a song without realizing it

54. Have given an odd answer to a question because you didn't hear the question in the first place and didn't feel like asking what it was.

55. Told someone you were the wrong age because you seriously forgot how old you were

56. Looked into an overhead light purposely while it was on

57. Got up early and got ready for school/work/meeting, then realized that you didn't have school/work/meeting that day

60. Have ever laughed at a joke or movie that no one else thought was funny

61. Done the Macarena to the electric slide or vice versa

62. Said funer, then had someone make fun of you for it

63. Have repeated yourself at least twice in the same sentence

64. Brought up an inside joke with the wrong person

65. Didn't do the backside of an assignment because you thought that there wasn't one or because you had already looked and forgot that there was another side

66. Did more work than you had to on an assignment because you didn't read the directions Corrected s

67. Corrected someone's grammar/pronunciation then figured out that you were the one that was wrong

68. Put something in a special place so that you would remember where it was, then forgot where you put it

69. Put ice in your drink after the glass was full of liquid and had it splash out.

70. Told a lie then forgot what it was that you had said and got caught

71. When wearing goggles, you pulled them away from your face and let go so that they would come back and snap you in the face

72. Forgot to make sure that the lamp was off before you replaced the light bulb

73. Ran into a door jam

74. Told someone that you hardly ever do stupid things, then immediately did/said something stupid

75. Told someone to watch out for something, then you were the one that ran into it

76. Have purposely licked playground sand

77. Have purposely and repeatedly flicked yourself with a rubber band

78. Gotten so hyper that someone actually thought you were drunk when you weren't

79. Have been so hyper you actually scared people

80. Put duct tape on your body then pulled it off to see if it would pull your hairs out

81. Put duct tape on your hair/someone else's hair then pulled it off

82. Put a clothes pin/hair clip on your lip, figured out that it hurt, then did it again

83. Sat and wondered why men’s dress shirts have a loop on the back

84. Made up a code name for someone so that you could talk about them to someone else and no one else would know who you were talking about

85. Have gotten a hairbrush stuck in your hair

86. Used the straw to blow the straw wrapper at someone

87. Shaved your tongue because you thought your taste buds looked weird

88. When at a restaurant/cafeteria, you used your spoon to fling stuff at people

89. Have flung forks at people in a restaurant/cafeteria

90. Sucked on a cup and got a hickey from it.

91. As you were writing, you moved your head back and forth with your pen/pencil

92. Have drawn finger puppets on your fingers then named them

93. Have wrapped someone in a roll of toilet paper

94. Have used somebody else's toothbrush without even realizing it wasn't yours

95. Started telling a story and forget what you were talking about or what happened in the story

96. When you saw a ‘beware of dog’ sign, you told the owners to beware of the dogs not realizing they owned the dogs

97. You have spelled your own name wrong before

98. When lying in bed you look for pictures in the texture of the ceiling. (I do that lying on the floor...)

99. Have used your calculator as a form of communication in class

100. Have popped a balloon in your mouth

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Tale of Two Flirts by LikeNoOneElse reviews
I love J/C stories. REWRITE: Clary tries to beat Jace at his own game, flirting. Can flirting bloom into love?
Mortal Instruments - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 47 - Words: 33,173 - Reviews: 132 - Favs: 180 - Follows: 161 - Updated: 8/28/2014 - Published: 1/11/2009 - Clary F., Jace W.
The Bet of Love (undergoing revision) by Things I Can't reviews
Clary's new to Alicante High. She immediately catches a certain golden boys eye. She challenges him in a way no one else ever has, and Jace loves new challenges. Alec and Jace decide to play a little game. A bet of love. Sebastian who despises Jace, decides to join the little game deciding to steal what belongs to Jace. But Clary refuses to be played. In the end who will win?
Mortal Instruments - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 11 - Words: 17,055 - Reviews: 122 - Favs: 141 - Follows: 239 - Updated: 2/27/2014 - Published: 2/10/2011 - Clary F., Jace W., Jonathon M./Sebastian V.
Mother Dearest by nigerutmea anima reviews
"Harry Potter was just a pawn in another person's game. And for him to survive, he must have someone to look out for him. It was a sign of just how desperate the situation was that Bellatrix was the best candidate." AU fic where Bellatrix raises Harry; rated for violence/language
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Adventure - Chapters: 20 - Words: 35,439 - Reviews: 166 - Favs: 250 - Follows: 309 - Updated: 11/11/2013 - Published: 12/14/2010 - Bellatrix L., Harry P.
Chasing A Rock Star by ThunderBoltsAndLightning reviews
Jace and Clary, famous for hating each other as well as being huge in the music industry reunite and are forced to play nice when they sign on as lovers in an upcoming film, Chasing A Rock Star. 1st Place Winner for AH Story and 2nd Place winner over all.
Mortal Instruments - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 27,268 - Reviews: 716 - Favs: 601 - Follows: 488 - Updated: 2/29/2012 - Published: 6/12/2010 - Clary F., Jace W. - Complete
Wife Swap: Cullen's vs Anderson's by XxViolentEndsxX reviews
Post Breaking Dawn. Emmett submitts the family to Wife Swap. How will the new mom react to being in a house full of vampires will she survive. Or will they slowly bring her to the breaking point. How will the cullens be without Esme. No Jacob imprint.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 14 - Words: 18,510 - Reviews: 120 - Favs: 142 - Follows: 99 - Updated: 1/25/2012 - Published: 10/11/2010 - Emmett, Esme - Complete
Facebook And Other Shenanigans by Shuichi Saito reviews
What If...The Mortal Instruments characters had facebook? Whose in a relationship with who? And what on earth is happening to Alec's account! Includes all cannon pairings. Crack-fic.
Mortal Instruments - Rated: T - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 24 - Words: 47,067 - Reviews: 655 - Favs: 401 - Follows: 298 - Updated: 1/17/2012 - Published: 7/10/2011
Yo Mama by Mercy'sFoundaWayforMe reviews
Yo mama jokes invade Hogwarts.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 24 - Words: 12,363 - Reviews: 158 - Favs: 84 - Follows: 53 - Updated: 5/23/2011 - Published: 12/1/2010 - Draco M., Harry P. - Complete
Daybreaker Idol by TomBoy29 reviews
Mary-Lynnette and Hannah were silently watching American Idol, then their friends start fighting about the show...till Poppy knows how to solve it. Thus, causing the Daybreakers to sing like their lives depended on it! Rated T for language.
Night World series - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 16,743 - Reviews: 116 - Favs: 35 - Follows: 28 - Updated: 4/22/2011 - Published: 2/4/2011
The Worse Dare with the Cullens by goober27 reviews
when everyone goes hunting except for jasper and emmet, what will happen to bella? read to find out!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 12 - Words: 17,975 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 3/7/2011 - Published: 10/2/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Truth or Dare by Sweet Night reviews
well the title says everything! so just review!
Night World series - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 14,974 - Reviews: 63 - Favs: 42 - Follows: 20 - Updated: 2/9/2011 - Published: 5/30/2010 - Complete
Big Brother by Rockaholick reviews
It's a big brother series. Everyone in Twilight into Big Brother. Bella is desperate for some love. When a certain famous person appears in the house and catches someone else's eye what will happen? All Human! R R
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 19 - Words: 29,283 - Reviews: 101 - Favs: 44 - Follows: 49 - Updated: 2/8/2011 - Published: 2/20/2010 - Bella, Edward
Emmett Gets Pranked by WonderfullyMade reviews
All the Cullens are tiered of being pranked by Emmett. So they decided it was time for revenge and start to pull funny pranks on Emmett. Fun starts in chapter two, but have to read chapter one to understand chapter two. Set after Breaking Dawn. Please R&R
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 6 - Words: 7,115 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 1/30/2011 - Published: 1/24/2011 - Emmett
New Chapter by TwiHardLexie reviews
Edward left bella jake brings bella to forks talent show where she sees edward and alice...now bella is in bristol ct but he keeps coming bak...O/C sorry not good at summarys
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Friendship - Chapters: 9 - Words: 8,557 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 1/23/2011 - Published: 7/18/2010 - Bella
Jace's Teenage Dream by S.J. Weasley reviews
Jalec slash! One shot featuring pre-established Jace/Alec. I got the idea for this when I was playing the Wii and Teenage Dream came on. 3
Mortal Instruments - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 774 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 4 - Published: 1/21/2011 - Jace W., Alec L. - Complete
My Little Secret by glitterfairyshells reviews
Summary: Edward and Bella had an argument after their graduation. This led to Edward walking out of Bella's life and Bella keeping her little secret. What happens now when a tragedy makes Edward reappear into Bella's life. B/E, J/A, R/E AH AU OOC
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 15 - Words: 37,482 - Reviews: 134 - Favs: 102 - Follows: 100 - Updated: 1/20/2011 - Published: 7/13/2010 - Bella, Edward
Marking Emmetts Science Test by foREVerAvengedSevenfold reviews
This is the part of the year that I fear...Marking Emmett McCarthy Cullen's end of year test... readers get an insight of Emmett's true inner-idiot...
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 3,957 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 10/25/2010 - Published: 8/17/2010 - Emmett
Break Outs, Make Outs and Stolen Cars by queen-sarcasm reviews
Series of one-shots with all of the characters. Chapter 1 and 2 are up. 1 - Kait really doesn't want to be in school. So what does Gabriel do about it? 2 - Lewis never got caught, algebra is boring anyway.
Dark Visions series - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,229 - Reviews: 50 - Favs: 48 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 7/18/2010 - Published: 1/9/2010 - Complete
Secret Admirer by Infinitypoet reviews
Bella hates Valentine's Day. Takes place after Tyler's van nearly crushed her. During the time in Twilght Edward is ignoring her. Will a secret admirer and a little game change her mind?B POV sequels are up Admired From Afar & Revelation for my Beloved
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 7,577 - Reviews: 103 - Favs: 178 - Follows: 75 - Updated: 5/15/2009 - Published: 1/2/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Sugar and Spice, Everything but Nice by ANNEMARIECULLEN reviews
Badass Edward had the looks, the attitude, the bike, everything, except Bella Swan, the one girl who treated him as if he never existed. Can Edward dazzle her? And change? Summary sucks. ALL HUMAN! Read and review please.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 26 - Words: 55,414 - Reviews: 759 - Favs: 1,065 - Follows: 381 - Updated: 8/26/2008 - Published: 8/3/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Believe in Heaven by timeisrunningout reviews
[COMPLETE] The wizardry world is running out of pure bloods. And when Lucius Malfoy needs a fiancee for his son, Draco, the only choice might be Luna Lovegood.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 10 - Words: 17,738 - Reviews: 112 - Favs: 72 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 12/10/2003 - Published: 8/2/2003 - Draco M., Luna L. - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

A Weasley Love Story reviews
What happens when a Weasley who has trust issues outside her family meets a young boy who has issues trusting himself? (That's all I have for a summary, please read and review)
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 8,105 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 5/14 - Published: 1/23/2012 - OC, Molly W. II
Mortal Instruments and Twilight reviews
Valentine what's the Mortal Instruments, and the only way to get them is through Clarissa Fray. But the only problem is, she doesn't know where there are. Instead of threatening Clary and her friends, he threats Renee and Phil causing Clary, Bella, and Maia so move to Forks with Charlie. There, they find more then what they were expecting to.
Crossover - Twilight & Mortal Instruments - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 9 - Words: 9,072 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 4/29 - Published: 11/13/2010
Bella's Past Finally Caught Up To Her reviews
Bella spends the time with the Cullens, when Edward comes and picks up Bella and finds her box of videos from her past, he and Alice decide to watch them with the family. What will happen to Bella? Will she die of embarrassment? Will she run away? And what happens when the Cullens learn new things about Bella? pls R&R
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 15 - Words: 15,618 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 3/1/2012 - Published: 10/14/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete